Tina Fey: Mommy blogs ‘have some of the worst human behavior I’ve ever seen’

Here are some photos of Tina Fey, her husband Jeff and Paul Rudd at the premiere of Tina and Paul’s new movie, Admission, a few nights ago. The story is about Tina’s character, an admissions official at Princeton, who meets an interesting guy (Rudd). It’s a rom-com, but it seems like it subverts some of the more annoying rom-com tropes. It’s also Tina’s first post-30 Rock project, and I hope it’s a good sign of things to come. My mom – who knows how much I love Tina – asked me what Tina was going to do now that 30 Rock was over, and it struck me how un-concerned I was that Tina’s awesomeness would find a way to break out no matter what happened. Maybe she’ll just do movies now. Maybe she’ll write another book. Maybe she’ll create another awesome TV show. She’ll figure it out! I have faith in Tina Fey.

If you’re a 30 Rock addict like me, one of the funniest parts of the finale was Liz Lemon’s attempt to participate in the mommy-blogging chat rooms and long story short, Liz Lemon was declared “Double Hitler”. To promote Admission, Tina did this hilarious interview with Us Weekly about mommy chat rooms, parenting and education:

There was a spot-on scene in the last 30 Rock where — as a new mom — you join an online chat group for moms and get into a catfight. Do you go to mommy blogs in real life?
That was definitely built on experience with things I have seen. I have never . . . I don’t know how to post on any of those. So I promise you I have never posted. I have seen people pretending to be me post on Urban Baby. I had a friend call me and say, “Are you on Urban Baby?” I said no. I didn’t know what that was. I do think some of them – Urban Baby specifically – have some of the worst human behavior I’ve ever seen in my life. Terrible. There is no one running [those sites] or they would fix it.

At one point in the film, Portia says where your kid gets into college is a reflection of your parenting. Do you think that’s true?
I do think the line is very true. People think it is a referendum on their parenting, it’s about how well they did. It’s a dangerous trap that we all fall into. Like, I will go too far, like, “we’re going to make the nicest cookies for the cookie thing.” And then later they are on the ground and it doesn’t matter. I think avoiding those kind of traps and just trying to be present for your children is best. It’s a lifelong lesson that I keep trying to learn.

What do you know now that you didn’t before you had kids?
I think when your kids are really little, you just think, OK, I am going to look at What to Expect the First Year. But I got into a rut. I would still be treating the 11-month-old with the routine I had set up at 6 months. You kinda learn the longer you do it that their needs keep changing what they need and what they’re capable of.

Your daughter Alice is in grade school. Do you think it’s harder to get into Princeton or an NYC kindergarten?
A New York City kindergarten, for sure! There’s so many kids on this little island. Plus, how can you possibly evaluate a 5-year-old? What if you take them that day and have to poop? If they have to poop, it’s over.

What about this “mommy role” in Admission interested you? There are so many roles where women are chasing motherhood and desperate to be mothers.
I thought it was very interesting that this character was very clear that she did not want to be a mother and she did not want to be married or experience any of that, and she has to face the reality of this person does exist. So how is that going to work within your life? It was a nice thing I hadn’t seen before.

What did you learn about getting your kid into Princeton when they come of age?
Hopefully what we’ve learned is that it doesn’t matter if they don’t get into Princeton. They will learn a lot in the Army.

[From Us Weekly]

I never go on the mom sites (I’m not a mother, so I think it would be pointless for me), but I sometimes feel like I get a taste of the wrath of mom-judgment here on some of the threads about a celebrity’s pregnancy weight gain, breastfeeding, natural childbirth or even how a child’s hair looks. I’m not saying you ladies are wrong or anything – I judge the hell out of everyone, so obviously I am around likeminded people – but maybe sometimes we all need to take a breath. Lest we all become Double Hitlers.

PS… I hate that Tina is wearing a peplum, but she comes close to pulling it off, right?

Photos courtesy of WENN.

 

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159 Responses to “Tina Fey: Mommy blogs ‘have some of the worst human behavior I’ve ever seen’”

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  1. lisa says:

    it’s not a severe peplum, just a tiny one. she looks great.

  2. NerdMomma says:

    Tina Fey and Paul Rudd in the SAME MOVIE???? I am there.

  3. Marjalane says:

    Having gone through the last 18 years listening to some of those judgy, “better-than-you” Moms, I always find it somewhat interesting that some of the biggest know it all’s, end up having some of the most dysfunctional kids.

  4. bea says:

    I agree – the peplum isn’t bad, but I’m not crazy about leather clothes. So shiny. And, of course, Tina Fey is incredible.

  5. Winnie says:

    I don’t think she means mommy blogs, she means message boards, right?

    • Samigirl says:

      Yeah I think so. And she’s correct. There is a specific fb page that exists specifically to bash other moms. If you don’t feed them only organic, if you don’t breast feed, if you don’t stay home with your kids, if you’re not married…it’s all insane. Moms are so damn judgmental of each other!

      • Birdix says:

        Urbanbaby in particular is vicious, partly bc there are so many nyc parents, the crazy school admission process there (preschool and k mostly), and bc it’s anonymous. But the board also can surprise you with compassion and it’s often hilarious–there are some smart funny posters. Some are definitely readers of this site as well.

      • Samigirl says:

        Excuse my excessive use of the word “specific.” Still tired. ;-)
        Never seen UrbanBaby, thank GOD!

      • MollyB says:

        Everyone should visit my girl Sanctimommy’s facebook page. It’s a satire of all those judge-y, holier-than-thou moms out there. And all the commenters play along and try to one up each other. I spit my coffee all over myself at least once a day.

      • Poink517 says:

        Oh man, that is over the top and insane (the fb page bashing other moms). Ill stay away from that one – how middle school!!!

      • BeesKnees says:

        @MollyB: I just checked out that Sanctimommy fb and it was hilarious! I’m loving that some commenters don’t get the satire!

      • Nanz says:

        Agree. I’m writing my graduate culminating project on the construction of motherhood as it relates to mommy blogs (not message boards). Interesting stuff, but it’s made me step back from any kind of one-size-fits-all notion of motherhood. Moms can be brutal. I’m a mom, but I’ve always approached these things as a place to share stories/hear other women’s experiences. I was amazed to find that sharing experiences just isn’t what some women want to do. Some would rather tell YOU how to be a mom. I don’t understand why people care about another woman’s parenting practices. It’s insane.

      • Samigirl says:

        “liked” Sanctimommy. If you’re interested in the hater page, it’s Mama Drama. Can’t miss it. It sucks.

      • jwoolman says:

        If you think the mommy blogs are bad- check out pet forums. If you let your cat outside, you’re a murderer. If you just lost your job and can’t afford a vet and ask about home remedies for whatever, you don’t deserve to have a cat and should have it ripped from your arms. Really, I’ve seen these net nazis tell someone unemployed to drop their cat or dog off at a shelter. Honestly, I don’t know what planet these people live on. They’re extremely absolute and whatever they’ve decided to do with their little Fluffy in their particular circumstances MUST be done for every other cat or dog no matter what. A local no-kill shelter is staffed with such people – I saw their questionnaire for prospective pet humans for their dogs and cats, and it’s no wonder they’re overflowing with the little beasties. They asked for financial information! The whole questionnaire was so intrusive and ridiculous that I avoided them when needing to replenish the feline staff and relied on my old standby of asking a local vet to keep her eye out for a promising homeless candidate. They even wanted you to promise never ever to let the beastie outside unsecured. (We have leash laws for dogs but cats are expected to run free in our community.) Honestly, I myself have a catproofed fence for my feline staff but can’t promise they won’t breach the perimeter (one of the staff is an escape artist and keeps finding new ways around the security system; she’s driven me to putting a beeper on her collar, that’s me wandering around the neighborhood with the flashing locator unit). But before the fence, my cats still managed to die only of very old age while keeping the entire neighborhood flea free thanks to Frontline making them into mobile flea-killing machines.

    • qtpi says:

      I think she must mean message boards. I have a 19 month old and stopped visiting my “board” on babycenter months ago. I feel terrible every time I visit! It is full of people bragging that their kid can talk in sentences, that they know all their numbers!, etc that I can’t stand the anxiety and stress anymore. :(

      eta: and that is why I am on celebitchy all day now!!

      • Samigirl says:

        Bless your heart. Remember, babies hit their milestones at their own rate. It doesn’t mean anything is wrong with yours! <3

      • Seagulls says:

        I have a baby with some mild delays and the milestones were killing me, too. They get there at their own time, but some days it’s just not worth basking in the fact that they aren’t there yet!

        Remember – if you care enough to worry, you’re probably doing it right. (Which is not to say that if you don’t worry you don’t care, just take the message for what it is!).

      • Isa says:

        Hey I think we were on the same board!

      • qtpi says:

        I haven’t been worried yet about her missing milestones but I do question myself on whether I am doing enough with her every day. Seems like some moms think their kids are show ponies or something.

      • Wif says:

        I have one of those children who hit all of her developmental milestones really, really early, and guess what! At 9 years old she can’t read. She’s got major learning disabilities when it comes to processing symbols. Now when other mothers brag to me about how their children are swallowing up 500 page books, it makes me feel like I’m a failure somehow.

        But this same child is kind and gracious, and had to be hospitalized 3 times last year because she almost died from 3 separate things (M.A.S., brain abscess, ridiculously high brain pressure.) So while she can’t read, I’m proud that she can survive and stays positive and upbeat. :) My other child is a smart kid who can’t give a crap about anything other than have a good time. I gave up on trying to make them fit “the mold.” They spend Saturdays in the forest instead of in extra-curricular activities.

      • Nanz says:

        I read babycenter after I had my first child, but won’t go near it now with my second. My first hit his milestones in his own time and I would stress like crazy until he did. Also thought if he was still waking up during the night at a certain age, that I was turning him into a bad sleeper, etc. etc. I finally had to quit visiting the site for my sanity. Friends, sisters, my mom, some books/websites, and my kids’ doctor have been the best sources. Way less “judgmental bitch” happening there.

      • Kcarp says:

        I posted on a Trying to get pregnant board one time. I said something nice and encouraging to someone and I got completely chewed out by some crazy lady.

        I ended up getting mad and calling her a skank with no eggs left and said I hope your husband is having sex with your best friend and she gets pregnant.

        Needless to say I was kicked off the board.

      • Isa says:

        Qtpi what month were you in?
        I was creeping on one month and one claimed that her 19 month old was matching upper and lower case letters and identifying numbers 1-99.
        My eyes went huge. All my son wants to do is kick a ball. Which is fine, but I felt a moment of pain after reading that.

      • linlin says:

        I started talking pretty late, but when I did, I immediately started to talk in whole sentences. My older sister tried to teach me to write in kindergarten, I wasn’t interested. When I got into school several of the kids already were able to read a little bit due to parents who pushed. Guess what, I was the first one to be able to read fluently and by far the fastest and best reader all through school.
        What I am trying to say is, that don’t be bothered by things like “my baby isn’t talking yet although other babies already do”. Just because somebody can talk or walk a few months earlier or already write his/her name when they are 3 years old doesn’t mean anything on how they will do later on. My parents could have freaked out because I was late with speaking, because I wasn’t interested in learning how to write before school, but luckily they didn’t.

      • jwoolman says:

        Kids that young may recognize the patterns for numbers 0-99 but they don’t know what most of those numbers mean. Same for the big “reading vocabularies”. Human babies and children need to do a lot of different things to set down appropriate neural pathways in their developing brains, but computer work and reading flash cards aren’t actually on the list. Skipping certain steps in development can cause problems later on – for instance, kids who skip crawling may have reading problems years later. Just normal everyday activities are needed, with lots of opportunities to move around and interact with people and ordinary things. Restricting that kind of activity can cause retardation, but nothing super special is needed. There’s just a lot of money to be made peddling fancy stuff to modern parents.

        For what it’s worth – I didn’t start talking until I was 3 years old and was a late walker also. Home computers and video games didn’t even exist. Didn’t stop me from getting a Ph.D. and working as a scientific translator from five languages… Just sayin’.

      • Jay says:

        Yo, definitely don’t sweat it. I started talking late and I got into med school. I bet your little guy/gal is going to do just fine, and I bet you’re an amazing mother. :)

      • mystified says:

        Think about it: they’ve worn out their welcome bragging to their nearest and dearest so now they have to brag on message boards,

        @kcarp I wish I had your cajones.

    • Happymom says:

      Urban Baby is a message board. And years ago I was on it all.the.time. It was addictive-by turns hilarious and vicious. I actually staged my own intervention, quit cold turkey and haven’t looked at it since.

    • L says:

      Oh there are some mommy blogs that are just as bad. There are some pro-breastfeeding/homebirth ones there that are INTENSE in their dislike of anything or anyone that doesn’t do things exactly their way. Honestly I don’t know what to think of those women.

      I would also recommend the STFU parents blog that’s out there. There are alot of people that put horrible stuff out there on facebook-those are the same folks writing blogs and message boards.

      http://www.stfuparentsblog.com/

      • Seagulls says:

        Birth blogs, too! I once sent an email to a famous midwife blog because I was having a little trouble processing my c-section, which was scary and traumatizing for a few personal reasons. It was such a strange birth experience since I was physically almost totally divorced from what was happening (since I couldn’t feel it).

        She wrote an entire post about how c-section women were selfish, damaged, and screwing up their kids by telling them their births weren’t births. And wouldn’t post my very respectful replying comment, either.

      • Miss Jupitero says:

        Oh man, I remember the unassisted childbirth blog. It was traumatic. It’s not enough to forgo all pain management or possibly life- saving caesarians or birth at home. You have to show how’s oh your are by going at it alone. Gah!

  6. Lolly says:

    I agree with her. I stumbled onto a mommyblog the other day & I’m still traumatised. I kept saying “these women have kids? No wonder we’re screwed as a race”. Terrible

    • Seagulls says:

      I gave myself a ban from one that I used to use a lot, which is too bad because none of my friends are moms and sometimes you just want an opinion from the crowd. You can usually get a decent recommendation or two before someone hops in to tell you how you’re effing everything up. I was once accused of having an eating disorder/sharing it with my child. The story is too long, but, no, I, I don’t and I’m not.

      Part of the problem with those is that no, no one’s moderating, and also that once burned, people become very defensive. And nowadays I feel like everyone has the idea that we need to have total personal brand consistency no one just offers an opinion. They say it in the harshest, most decisive way possible, a way that refuses to acknowledge that we might all have something to learn.

      Go Tina!

  7. Mia 4S says:

    I never get the impression that these judgy Moms actually like being Moms. It’s like they have to have a perfect plan and all the latest psychology in raising their perfect spawn…or they feel they have to apologize? Is being a Mommy as meaningful and powerful as say a human rights lawyer fighting for women’s education in the Middle East?…in the grand scheme, no. It’s still a lovely and needed thing. If that’s not enough for you, don’t have kids, go save the world, and stop being ridiculous.

    • Birdix says:

      I think it’s rooted in fear–whether you stay at home or work, let your baby cry or pick her up, find a traditional or progressive school, people question their choices and feel insecure and lash out anonymously. Not that that makes it right….

      • Seagulls says:

        I think you’re right, for most people, anyway. I think there are some narcissists who genuinely enjoy being judgmental because no one can parent as well as they can.

        When I was pregnant I read a story in which a doctor assigned a new baby the appropriate first Apgar score, and the father tried, for a few days, to intimidate her into changing it to a 10. That poor kid!

      • Katie says:

        @Seagulls, OMG about the APGAR scores! One of my friends has three sons and announces their APGAR scores with the birth announcements! She has nothing to do with the medical field, but she works a job that gives her a lot of downtime where she obsesses over mommy blogs and now is a self-proclaimed expert. She’s also the type to say (OFTEN), “I’ve never wanted a girl. I’m so glad I have sons. Girls are trouble.” Ugh. I hate it when women say that.

      • Seagulls says:

        @Katie – that is one of my least favorite things! Talk about internalizing society’s message that women are some how less than men. I think many of us have a gender preference (and some genuinely don’t care), but that’s an awful way to say it.

      • lucy2 says:

        I’m starting to realize that a LOT of behavior is rooted in fear, and comes out as anger.
        Thank goodness I don’t have to deal with the mommy anger stuff too, if her 30 Rock scene was any indication!

    • TheOriginalKitten says:

      Ha ha…I love this comment and I DO think that kind of sanctimony-meets-judginess-meets-inferiority complex is what leads to the Double Hitler persona.

    • Marie Antoinette Jr. says:

      I’ve often thought that as well Mia. Also maybe that being a mom isn’t everything they thought it would be. It isn’t fulfilling for them and it certainly isn’t one long cute goo-goo gah-gah pampers commercial!
      So they desperately try to prove to themselves and others that they aren’t frustrated or disappointed in the motherhood experience by becoming “experts”. But it comes across as anger and judgement–because no one wants to be an expert in a topic that is uninteresting to them.
      They need to just admit it sometimes really sucks, it’s hard work, and it isn’t at all what they thought it would be. Maybe then they can stop judging and relax a little; get off the blogs and enjoy their children.

  8. embertine says:

    Argh, my BFF, much as I love her, has told me about some of the catfights she gets into on those things. I was all, “Well, you judge the s*** out of everyone who raises their kids even a tiny bit differently to how you do, what do you expect? How about not being a total cow about other people’s parenting?”

    Strangely enough, she couldn’t see that side of it…

  9. Christina says:

    She looks fantastic. I don’t like peplums at all, but Tina can do no wrong in my eyes. I would love her even if she was wearing those shorteralls with the package of Tastations in the pocket.

  10. Jayna says:

    I hate viciousness on any site. I really do. I hate what sitting behind a computer screen does to people. I love snark and pointed comments and dissing of deserving celebs, but the pure ugliness on sites turned me off from posting much, except a few sites. I think people always need to take a hard look at themselves when they are becoming worse with their keyboard than the person they are so sanctimonious about.

    Moms can be incredibly jealous and competitive and I have learned to only surround myself with positive moms and friends and stay a good distance away from those holier-than-thou moms. I can be judgmental in my own way as I am so overprotective, maybe even fearful, which I really worry I will project that onto my child. And I know I am guilty of being critical of even my friends on that level, if they are too lax as far as safety with their child, etc. But I think it and then push it away. We all parent differently. I don’t go around being catty to other people gossiping about other moms or friends. But I am not a pretentious person who has to have only the best for my child and pay a fortune for a birthday party that is solely to impress the other moms, not about my child. I don’t want my child being that teenager who is impressed only by what designer or label their friends are wearing or she is wearing.

    My one friend label drops all the time or best school name drops, blah, blah. She always throws shallow things in when praising other moms she has met, like I should be impressed. My other friend is so successful and beautiful (women are intimidated by her success as an airline pilot, captain), sure of herself, but she is like me, hates pretentiousness.

  11. Esmom says:

    I’ve come to realize that horrible human behavior isn’t exclusive to the mommy blogs/message boards. The entire internet is full of haters. I can barely read the comments on most news articles, political FB posts, even a fitness article I recently read had a comments section so full of vitriol I couldn’t believe it.

    I think the anonymity aspect just brings out the worst in people, or attracts the worst factions of our population!

    This place is refreshingly civilized. Unfortunately most of the blogosphere is just polluted with negativity.

    • TheOriginalKitten says:

      Definitely agree with you, Esmom.

      I “liked” Being Liberal on FB a few months ago and I just had to stop reading the comments. It’s basically just a bunch of people insulting each other, yelling at each other, talking AT each other, with no real meaningful discourse.

      Whenever I “join” a group of people that I perceive to be like-minded folk, I often end up feeling left out. I want to TALK to people, not berate others that have a different opinion than I do.

    • MonicaQ says:

      NSFW-ish language but http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2004/03/19

      Sums it up nicely. I can’t game without that issue. I played video games for YEARS with no voice chat even if I was playing with my husband. My friends online didn’t know I what I sounded like for 2 years and forget donning a headset for Battlefield or something like that. If they can’t see who you are, they’ll lash out at everything from your parenting skills to your mom.

    • Happymom says:

      I think you’re exactly right.

    • Jane says:

      Agree. Comments on the internet in general are quite toxic and nasty. Folks like hiding behind their computer screens to trash others. It is one thing to dislike behavior, clothes or hair and comment on that, but to say they “hate” someone personally that they have never met and spew such venom towards that person is just creepy and says more about the commenter than the person they are trashing.

      But some of the mommy boards and blogs are brutal and judgemental beyond belief, so I am with Tina on this one. They are “my way or the highway” and I hope new moms avoid them if they want to keep their self respect. and not feel like failures if you don’t follow their “advice”.

    • bluhare says:

      I totally agree. I hope some of those people are using it as a venting mechanism so they don’t go berserk IRL, because if they’re really like that we truly are doomed.

      Although I’ve found that when someone comes back with “Fool” or someother insult(I get that a lot), they tend to back off when confronted with it. I always ask why they have to insult me personally. I’ve even got an apology! Although not always. The worst one was an idiot on a royal thread where he said James Hewitt was Harry’s father. He was an ahole that guy. Over frickin James Hewitt. I couldn’t believe it.

      • SandyStrange says:

        Ah, yes, the dreaded ‘Keyboard courage’. I hate that hypocritical behavior. My opinion is, if you can’t/won’t say that shizz in real life, don’t be a coward and take it to the internet. The yahoo comments section makes me lose hope for the human race almost every time I view a story.

    • jwoolman says:

      The reason Celebitchy is civilized is because it’s mainly moderated and has some strict rules. Makes a huge difference. Otherwise a forum can be easily overtaken by the insanely aggressive and obnoxious.

    • Nina W says:

      The Internet is like the Wild West, no rules, and there are legions of d-bags out there looking to stir up some trouble for no reason. I got into a ridiculous squabble in an on-line game once and the other person was such an out of control rage-a-holic it was absurd. It’s the anonymity, people feel free to act badly when they know they won’t be held accountable for it.

  12. Fritzi Schnitzer says:

    I love her outfit. She rarely wears clothes that aren’t flattering to her.

  13. Erinn says:

    Ahaha, yeah. I’ve learned never to bring up anything about breastfeeding or weight gain on here. Most women are amazingly sweet on here, but there’s a lot of claws that come out in defense over some things.

    Also, do any of you read the comments on Radar? I think I’ve seen Leloo on there, but my god most of the people are nutjobs on there. I saw someone link to this site on here on a Brandi Leanne thread the other day and I literally was like “OH GOD NO”.

  14. Ailine says:

    Well I’ll say it. Judgy women become Judgy moms. Then they raise judgy children by vocally judging the people around them in front of their kids. The kids learn the behavior and go to school and judge everyone there. Who’s fat. Who’s a slut. Who’s wearing a bad outfit. Who’s dumb etc. it’s a vicious cycle. Excessive judging is a bad habit.

    • Esmom says:

      So true. Believe me I can be as judgy as the next person but I have always been careful to keep a lid on it in front of my kids so they don’t pick up the habit. It’s pretty easy to tell at school which kids have the judgy parents because they are a direct reflection of it.

      I even went as far as to try and be balanced about my feelings about the presidential election. They knew I supported Obama but I always tried to tell them that it didn’t mean I hated Romney or thought he was a bad guy. I want my kids to try to be rational and civil in a world that is increasingly not!

  15. Katie says:

    Tina looks amazing! I am totally seeing this movie.

    And if anyone wants a laugh, Paul Rudd was on The Daily Show a couple of days ago. His interview with Jon Stewart was hilarious. Jon Stewart interviewed him as if Paul Rudd were Sandra Day O’Connor. Good stuff.

  16. judyjudy says:

    I love what Tina said about making the best cookies. Sometimes it is easy to get wrapped up in doing everything perfect and lovely (I blame pinterest!) but really, the cookies end up on the floor.

  17. DeltaJuliet says:

    There are two blogs that I read religiously, and I guess they are mommy blogs, but I really enjoy them because the two women who write them are SO FUNNY. Every now and then you get some Judgy McJudgerson’s in the comments but they get shut down real fast by the other readers.

  18. Chris says:

    I smell hypocrisy here.

    If you go to any thread about Kate Middleton, you see women claiming she is starving not only herself but the baby or faking the pregnancy.

    If you go to Jessica Simpson, you see women taking different sides. Some say she is a dumb obese and others say she is the example of a pregnant woman should look like.

    In some Beyonce’s threads, you see every kind of comment.

    In Gisele’s threads, there is a contingent saying she did what Kate is doing, starving herself and her kids. There is a person who claim she faked each pregnancy.

    So it’s not just blogs focused on celebrity mothers where you can find nastiness.

    And we have to make this blog’s name proud otherwise…

  19. BeesKnees says:

    There is a message board for women who live in my area, so there is a chance I may actually see these women in public. A friend of mine joined and asked about forward facing her daughter’s carseat. She didn’t know what to do because her daughter was 16 months but in the 99th percentile for height and her legs were getting smashed and she was screaming from discomfort. So my friend simply asked for advice and was blasted for even considered switching the carseat around and was literally called a bad mother. I had joined the group, but after I heard that I never posted anything again. One of the administrators emailed me asking why I had stopped posting. The whole thing creeped me out and we learned the women running it were so-called “crunchy” mothers. I don’t want to offend anyone who considers themselves to be “crunchy”, but in my experience they have been the absolute worst and b!tchiest, judgiest women I have ever dealt with in my life. It is fine to make your own choices about parenting, but don’t you dare push those choices on anyone else and shame or guilt them. That is why I avoid those message boards too!

  20. MoxyLady007 says:

    I am dealing with this right now. I am a new mom. I – of course – google lots of things just to see if I am on the right track. Instinct says yes but I need a second opinion sometimes. Anyways – those sites are scary. There is always the evil mom who steps up and reams out everyone else, proclaiming that there is only one true religion, and it’s her version of beung a mommy.
    I don’t belong to a board and can’t imagine ever belonging to one. Too sketch balls.
    But I am thinking about meeting up with some other moms for activities and I am scared/nervous already. I live near a very posh town. And I do NOT care about those things. Like the $800 stroller. Mine has wheels too and the boy likes it. What else do ya even need? Anyways. Still scared of being judged. Sigh.

    • Wif says:

      Do go and try out different play groups. My first one was pretty abysmal, we were all really new (first babies, trying too hard) but my second one was fantastic! We get together now regularly for wine nights even though the kids are grown. It means so much to share these difficult experiences with other people who understand. So much better than a message board. Go and try!

    • BitterSweet says:

      Definitely try out a few mommy-and-me groups! I live in a pretty nice neighborhood with lots of crunchy moms, but I’ve made several very close friends from my mommy-and-me class who are relaxed and not judgy at all, even though we all have different styles of parenting. It’s wonderful to share stories and resources and to watch our kids grow up together (our kids are now 2.5!)

  21. handsome man saved me from the monsters says:

    ‘Stfu parents’ blog is great for laughing at sanctimommies, woe is moms and oversharers

  22. JL says:

    I think we see this behavior becasue people will say anything online, however they’d NEVER have the balls to say it to an actual person’s face.

  23. fabgrrl says:

    Better Mom Than Thou. Ug, I just hate those. The sad thing is that, buried beneath all the judgy crap, there are some real nuggets of wisdom and heartwarming stories. They just get hijacked by the loudest, worst elements.

  24. Lisa says:

    Mommy culture occupies one of the darkest corners of the internet. Hate it. It’s fine to discuss your kids online, but when your foremost occupation is “mom” or the dreaded “mompreneur,” you need to check yourself before you wreck yourself.

  25. Nonny says:

    Get over the thing with peplums, her peplum rocks. When you put ona peplum it makes you feel like Jessica Rabbit, even if you are having a fat day. I’m standing up for peplums. Also I am a mum of 2 and I didn’t breast feed, gasp, shock, horror….let the mommy bitching commence……

    • Wif says:

      I breastfed exclusively because my kids refused a bottle (I thought I could do both, but no such luck.) What breastfeeders tend to forget about bottle feeders is that those parents actually get up and out of bed in the middle of the night to go make the bottles. I just rolled over and grabbed the baby out of the co-sleeper, stuck it on the boob and went back to sleep. If I actually had had to get out of bed, I’m sure I’d have let those babies starve to death :) Kudos to you!

      • Isa says:

        Lol wif! I did both, but EBF at night. I was too lazy to make a bottle. It was wonderful.
        And no judgement here! As long as your kid was fed I have no issue.

      • Bodhi says:

        Exactly!! I had a TERRIBLE time nursing my son, so I switched to bottles pretty early & it is so much more of a PITA!

      • Kate says:

        I expressed for my kid as he couldn’t nurse. That meant double the work, and he still got my milk. Yet in local cafes (we lived in a very right on area where most moms breastfeed) I’d get the odd dirty look and even comment, when using a bottle. They assumed it was formula. Like that would have been wrong in any way at all, let alone their business. I never corrected them because I was wholly unwilling to condone their judgemental bullshit by defending myself.

        A mother’s place is in the wrong.

  26. Tig says:

    Re Tina’s clothes- love the look on her! I read “Admissions” which I assume this movie is based on (does anyone know?)- loved it!- so will go see this movie.

    Re “mommy wars”- I raised kids pre- blogs, chat rooms, etc-and all the stuff now being posted back then WAS said to your face! I did every type of permutation-stay at home, part-time, full time work- and at the end of the day, you just have to appreciate that everyone has an opinion, and just bec someone is rude, doesn’t mean you have to be!

    What a difference coffee makes! Could never have been this mellow 2 hrs ago- LOL!!

  27. Isa says:

    Stay away from any posts regarding circumsicion, breastfeeding, formula feeding, rear or forwarding facing carseats, vaccinations, or any post that says VENT and you should be okay.

  28. WOM says:

    The title to this article is wrong. Urban baby is not a blog, but a bulletin board. The title should be “Tina Fey: Mommy on line forums ‘have some of the worst human behavior I’ve ever seen.’

  29. aud says:

    she’s so right

    I use a pregnancy forum cause I’m due soon. Some of those ladies are insane. They’re all judging each other over elective inductions and c-sections and trying to induce labor at 37 weeks.

    My god, I have learned to never ever ever mention that I’m planning to use disposable diapers. It pretty much makes you the devil to women who come out of nowhere to let you know how you’re killing the environment.

    You just have to pretty much post without revealing too much about your actual parenting plans.

    Oh, and the biggest no no is to get involved in discussing circumcision.

    • Wif says:

      My favourite rebuttal about the disposable diaper issue is that we don’t rail on corporations for cutting their emissions and waste, why rail on someone who is doing their best on next to no sleep?

    • Bodhi says:

      No judgement at all (I promise), but cloth diapers really are awesome! ;-)

      And we use disposables at night

      • MoxyLady007 says:

        I heard that cloth are really great for helping them “get” the whole cause and effect of bathroom functions and they help them with potty training. That said, I really don’t want to give up my disposables. Cloth seems so hard!

      • Bodhi says:

        @ MoxyLady- Cloth is must easier than people think. Yes, you do have to do more laundry, but it really isn’t THAT mush more. And you can save a LOT of money (the amount you spend on extra water, energy & laundry soap is negligible). Some kids who have chronic rash in disposables do much better in natural cloth CD & there are all kind of other pros to them.

        But, just like everything else, its a family decision & people do what works best for their situation. My son is almost 2 & showing no signs of potty training & I’m pregnant with twins. The idea of THREE in diapers at once has me terrified!!

      • Kate says:

        We planned to use cloth and bought a set, and agreed the laundry is not a hassle at all, really, but sadly my son developed chronic rash using them, so we moved to disposables. It varies from child to child – he couldn’t use normal disposables either, actually, just one specific brand of eco one (still not that eco, for obvious reasons, but reduced chemicals and no plastics meant his skin coped).

        There’s no one size fits all with children, or indeed families.

    • Seagulls says:

      I cannot defend the birth bullying and general nastiness, but I think for some of the women who have BTDT, there is an element of wishing to spare other women the same godawful experience they had, and wishing they could share what they learned, and go back in time and spare themselves.

      Of course, it can’t be done. And there are legitimate criticisms with the way labor and birth are managed in many hospitals, but I don’t think it should be the responsibility of every single woman to attempt to override the birth culture created by decades of obstetric academia and practice, hospital practice, and legal reasoning. Rather than attack these big monsters, many women find it easier to attack other mothers. It’s sad.

    • Susie Q says:

      Aud, what is the reasoning behind inducing at 37 weeks? SO glad I had my kids before message boards were around..

      • L says:

        @susieQ my neighbor was induced at 37 weeks because her twins were HUGE (like 8.5 pounds a piece). Coworker was induced that early because she was high risk (diabetic) and there were some concerns about the baby maybe needing surgery.

        So there are reasons for it-but some mommies think if you don’t go the full 40 on the advice of a doctor you are being ‘selfish’ or some crap like that.

      • aud says:

        Some places have started referring to 37 weeks as full term.

        So women who are sick of being pregnant try to self induce by like drinking castor oil and crap

        They then get yelled at by the moms who think you should let baby come naturally. Or at least wait til 39 weeks.

        I just stay out of it…I’m letting come whenever. But not going to judge people trying to rush labor

    • Bijlee says:

      I can understand how they feel sometimes. If they can convince someone else to do cloth diapering even part of the time, then it helps to reduce our waste that much more. If everyone starts doing it, then it benefits everyone (ie us and the future). I can understand how some people have a visceral holier than thou attitude about it. Doesn’t make it right though.

      This is only my experience, but the blogs and vlogs I’ve seen that have women who cloth diaper/alternative are usually Midwestern and/or Christian women from America or Canadian. I’ve never seen vitriol, I only read blogs and not message boards.

      There are things that shouldnt be commented on at all. For example, your birth your choice, you breasts your choice. Those things should be left to the woman to decide how she wants to do them. As long as she has/knows her OPTIONS (ie she should have them) then however she chooses should not matter. Because she’s the only one affected by that.

      But with regards to things that could benefit our environment. There has to be a better way to get the message across. Im talking specifically with regards to cloth diapering and reusable pads/cups.

      There has to be something to motivate women/men to want to go these alternative routes. It should largely benefit them and not be a hassle for them. I don’t mean like environmentally, but economic incentives and social benefits. The government should really step in and help out with this kind of stuff. Help people and not corporations. Otherwise how does it help the environment when everyone is miserable and tired out of their minds?

    • Cazzie says:

      Back when I was at my ultra-liberal college, the take on diapers was that cloth and disposable are pretty much the same in terms of environmental damage – don’t forget that cloth diapers have to be washed again and again and again.

      And depending on whether your garbage is put in a landfill or incinerated, disposable diapers that are incinerated are less environmentally wasteful.

      /ducks/

  30. JC says:

    ADORE her. I read Bossypants and honestly laughed until I tee-teed a little bit. This woman can do no wrong in my book. A great role model for women everywhere!

  31. Cait says:

    I just can’t with the sanctimommies. I just can’t. I have a toddler and one in the hangar, and like most parents, I’m figuring it out as I go (as is my husband).

    It’s creepy how entitled to judgment people feel after you a) get pregnant and b) actually have a small human hurtling around your home.

  32. StaCat1 says:

    Those mom blogs are like any other, imo- I think the internet in general can bring out the nastiest side of humanity. It really is lord of the flies.

    That aside, I love love love Tina Fey and she is right- that it DOES NOT matter if the kid gets into Princeton..the older you get (and farther away from college) you realize where you went to college means squat in the real world.

    But a kid with a very present supportive family- that matters down the road.

  33. Ginger says:

    She looks great. I adore her haircut. I’d love to go that short again but I’m having fun rocking a ponytail length right now. I’ve been on some blogs about being frugal or organized that have a mommy aspect to them as well especially for homeschooling but I stay away from that because it doesn’t apply to me. My fave blog (besides this one) is written by a mom but it’s different. It’s called People I Want To Punch In the Throat. It’s very humorous. Some on here may know it.

  34. Kate says:

    I think the reason people get so agitated about parenting choices is they’re so anxious to do right by their kids, and anyone who can’t be persuaded the same way is the best is therefore implicitly criticising how that person did it.

    It gets kind of crazy. I’ve seen huge flamewars over C section or natural, purees or finger foods, and don’t even start on breastmilk or formula. And yet if you live in the developed world and are a loving and responsive mother, your kids will likely turn out just the same whether you do the full attachment or the full routine/cry it out. I wish people could live and let live more. Parenting is already hard enough.

  35. soxfan says:

    I read the book Admissions-it was very good, so I can’t wait to see this movie. Re: judgy moms-they suck.

  36. AG says:

    Pffft. What difference does it make, c**ts are all the same. ALL the same.

  37. F5 says:

    Her humor is one of the worst things I’ve ever seen, so she should suck it up..

  38. Eden says:

    I had my first kid in the days before mommie boards. I got to hear what a horrible mother I was going to be, and the slut-shaming, right to my face. I was 18, so the world was coming to an end. Funny how both of us survived, I got married, she got a brother she adores and is a successful, well adjusted young adult. At least 20 years ago there was no hiding behind a keyboard. Back then I could punch you in the face personally.

  39. Becky1 says:

    I’m not a mother and most likely won’t be unless my husband and I decide to/are able to adopt. I hear good friends of mine who are moms say the most judgmental stuff about other moms. It makes me sad in part because I know that if I had kids they’d be judging me that way, too. Of course, I know they have opinions about the fact that I don’t have kids so I obviously I still get judged…there’s no escape from the judgment. It’s depressing. The current mommy/parenting culture seems really toxic to me.

    • Nina W says:

      Yeah, I’m unable to have children and you would not believe the number of times I’ve been forced to discuss it. You would think it might occur to someone that it might be a sensitive topic for me but nope people, particularly women, feel they have every right to get right into it with me.

  40. Bijlee says:

    Paul Rudd looks like an Italian pedophile.

  41. Pop Will Eat Itself says:

    The term Mommy Blog is a condescending term designed to marginalize. But then again what would you expect from a celebrity from the misogynistic mainstream entertainment industry? Lay with dogs wake up with fleas I guess.

  42. Sarah says:

    I still check babycenter a few times a week and there are some crazy sanctimommies on there. The debate team is terrifying. Everyone is convinced they’re smarter than everyone else and the snark is just disgusting.

  43. Meg says:

    i’ve witnessed moms act like they’re in high school again, judgmental and rude to each other while at their kids’ events. they don’t have jobs or things for themselves to keep them fulfilled so they release that stress by being caddy to other moms.
    older generations used to not cater their lives to their kids as much they do today. parents would have their own interests and things going on-card games, etc. parents today seem to cater 24 hours a day to their kids. leaving no time for ‘adult events’ leaves your brain to mush-never reading a book that doesn’t have pictures in it isn’t good :)

    • soxfan says:

      And we played for hours entertaining ourselves-no over-involved parents trying to make the rules. We figured things/tiffs out for ourselves and solved our own problems. I wanted to be Julie from the Mod Squad-but, noooooooo, Beth Broueder always got to be-ahem,anyway, we solveed it ourselves-I was Linc. Haha. Also ,if you screwed up, neighborhood moms got on your ass too-and you listened and respected them. Ahl the good old days…

    • Nina W says:

      Sad to say but high school behavior never gets left behind. People get older but they don’t necessarily become more mature.

  44. LittleDeadGirl says:

    Everyone has that intense need to tell others what to do. I think mommmy blogs can get bad because I think some women take motherhood as a freepass to be assholes. I mean kudos to you and all the best to your child but you aren’t being sainted for having a child.

    You can see it though everywhere, as someone above said, pet forums are terrible. I always try and suppress the need to give any advice unless I’m asked. We have this problem at my clinic (veterinary). We have people that share all sorts of misinformation with people they sit near so you just gotta get them in and out of the appointment quickly to minimize the damage.

  45. anneesezz says:

    Tina grew up around the corner from me so I will always love her.

  46. original kay says:

    I am a few days late posting.

    one of the worst boards I have ever seen is the General Daily Thread of the Weight Watchers US site.

    try posting there, ask them how many points is in a piece of fudge cake or something. they will tear your head off.