Lindsay Lohan pleads ‘no contest, accepts 90 days in ‘lock-down rehab’

Okay, so Lindsay Lohan arrived 50 minutes late to her court trial, which was supposed to start at 8:30 am PST. After she arrived, I think she just sat in her seat and waited while her NY lawyer and her new LA lawyer (who is kind of hot, by the way) spoke to the judge with the prosecution about a plea deal. Literally three hours later, they had finally worked out a plea deal. Which is funny because the prosecution had allegedly offered LL a deal weeks ago which was a lot more lenient than the one she just accepted, so it seems her cracked-out legal strategy failed. I guess she was also surprised that the prosecution was ready to, you know, PROSECUTE her for the charges they brought. So here are the basics of what just happened:

*Lindsay pleaded “no contest” to two of the three charges, which is basically saying “Yeah, I did that but I’m not going to come out and say it and you can just punish me for it.”

*Lindsay will spend 90 days in “lock-down rehab”. Meaning that she will not get “day passes” to go out drinking. Allegedly. She was also given 5 days of jail, but her jail time has been “folded” into her rehab stay, meaning she won’t have to go to jail at all. Also, LL can do her rehab in New York.

*Lindsay will need to perform 30 days of community labor after her lockdown rehab. She will also need to have 18 months of therapy, and her lawyer said that she already started two months ago, so it will be 16 months of rehab or something.

*Lindsay is required to submit to drug testing and to stay away from drug users (hahaha). The judge also told her “don’t drive”. But that’s not part of her sentence, of course, because of course she’s allowed to terrorize the streets of LA and NYC. She’s the Cracken!

*As for her probation… I didn’t really understand what happened there. TMZ says “she’s also admitted to a probation violation in the jewelry heist case, she was sentenced to 180 days in jail, but that sentence was STAYED and she won’t do time if she continues to obey all laws.” That to me seems like the legal equivalent of “a friendly pat on the firecrotch”. How could she be sentenced to 180 days in jail for obviously violating her probation but the jail sentence is “stayed” because… why again? Because she’s a white woman with big boobs?

So, basically, LL strikes again. I have hope that “lock-down rehab” is more hardcore than I’m imagining, but let’s face it – LL will probably get to go to some country-club rehab and Dina will smuggle in some Jim Beam. Same old same old.

PS… Don’t even ask me about the disco outfit to court. She’s so ridiculous. And this is one of the reasons she was late! She had to change into this horrible outfit. And her lips are flat-out disgusting.

PPS… Mark Heller is calling this a “validation of her sobriety”. And now Michael Lohan is trying to fist-fight him. And now Michael is telling the press that Heller is being investigated for witness tampering (Gavin?) and that Michael is going to try to get Heller disbarred or something.

Photos courtesy of Pacific Coast News and screencaps from TMZ.

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163 Responses to “Lindsay Lohan pleads ‘no contest, accepts 90 days in ‘lock-down rehab’”

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  1. Eleonor says:

    (Ehm…I like what she is wearing)

  2. Zoid says:

    Here’s to hoping she goes to an intense rehab. Either way, she won’t change. You can’t make the positive life change needed through rehab unless you want to. But she will be forced out of the public eye for a while!

    • Emma - the JP Lover says:

      This is the second time Lindsay has been ordered to 90-day rehab. That’s how she managed to get out of her punishment. They got her out once the judge sentenced her after 5-days because her lawyer argued that Lindsay didn’t ‘belong’ in rehab because she’d never been diagnosed with a substance problem … remember?

      Watch, she’s get out of this one too. :(

      • Zoid says:

        I’m not familiar with her rehab stints (and I’ve given up on remembering her arrest record lol) but thanks for telling me. How sad. I bet it will work twice. How does that even work as a plea deal? We’ll put her in rehab not jail! Just kidding, she has no problems, back on the street! No punishment.

  3. Stuart Horsely says:

    Ridden hard and put away wet. Completely fug. Nice attempt to sway the court by wearing a cross necklace? Not.

  4. Style Spy says:

    So, at Heller’s press conference after the hearing he summarily denies that Blohan has any kind of drinking/drug problem … so why the rehab? If she has psych problems then go to a mental institution …?

    Also, Michael Lohan is a really embarrassing guy … I cringe!

    • Right?!? I can not believe how invested I have become in this yard sale’s seductively impending doom. Ever growing in ability to pull me in by the fact that she, unfailingly commits the worst of lawyer advised no nos, yet walks in reeking of a debaucherous plane ride, with the prosecutions witness, lest we forget,with a smug smile and better than made for tabloids, white dress and cross necklace. Betcha she used the sharp beveled edges of that cross to cut her lines. REALly CA?!? Yeah you can boast the best climate, but you’re chucked full of unbelievable assholes!

  5. Happymom says:

    She looked like hell in court. Like she could pass out at any moment.

  6. fabgrrl says:

    Hey! It’s that same hot lady-guard from her last court appearance!

  7. cmc says:

    Michael Lohan yelling at Heller at the end of the press conference was a cherry on top of the delicious sundae of crackhorror that was this whole trial. I enjoyed this whole thing immensely. 10/10, would waste a Monday watching this again :)

  8. TQB says:

    you know, once upon a time, a day when LiLo was expected in court warranted a full afternoon of stalking websites, eagerly watching the reports. Now it’s like, oh, was that today?

  9. RHONYC says:

    “a friendly pat on the firecrotch”.



    :lol: :lol: :lol:

  10. Laura says:

    Of course she was always going to take a deal. But if she took it earlier she wouldn’t get her walk in front of the cameras and to be the center of tmz’s universe for the day. I like that the 180 days are stayed “as long as she continues to follow all laws”. Continues? That’s funny.

  11. Lakemom says:

    In that next to last picture, that new attorney looks like he’s thinking “I went to law school for this??”

  12. HappyJoyJoy says:

    Are the effin’ kidding?! Rehab? That didn’t work the last 500 times. (I lose count) The california justice system is a joke. So disappointing. She’ll keep getting slaps on the wrist until she kills someone.

  13. Tulip Garden says:

    L.A. lawyer is kinda hot. Has a Matt Damon vibe especially during the hearing/sentencing/legal thing when he rubbed his upper lip. ME LIKE!

  14. Poink517 says:

    Hopefully in rehab they teach her how to wash her hair.

  15. TheOriginalKitten says:

    The extensions… they are so budget. She just needs to take that shit out and let her hair start to recover from the trauma of dying it every other week AND gluing hair in.

    The outfit…I just don’t understand.

    Everything else is just the same ol’ same ol’. Nothing to see here, folks….

    • Erinn says:

      She should just get rid of the extensions and go with a hair length just above her collar bones, and her natural color. She’d look so much better. Still a mess, but a better version of the mess.

    • littlestar says:

      She’s probably damaged her real hair so badly from years of extensions and drug use that it can no longer grow very long anymore. I actually wouldn’t be surprised if she had a few bald patches hiding under those extensions.

      She is the perfect example of what NOT to do to your body.

  16. Cecada says:

    The judge may have well have said, “Party on!”

  17. jensational says:

    My, my she looks like she’s been on an all night bender!

  18. Kaboom says:

    It is becoming impossible to fathom the ridiculous contortions the California justice system is going through for even D-rated celebs. The same day a hacker was sentenced to 41 months of jail time for guessing AT&T’s scheme of phone numbers right on their website and downloading some data that he did nothing malicious with.

    • Apsutter says:

      What?!?! That’s crazy! Don’t mess around with big companies like that…theyll get ya everytime

    • gloaming says:

      OT – but I read about that guy (weev?)today. If it’s the same guy you’re talking about….

      I might be misreading the gist of your post but you’re making it sound like he’s a victim.

      I Watched his ‘reddit AMA/press conference video’ Read through the AMA and his responses, and have concluded he’s an a-hole, bully, troll ego-maniac who had no intentions of doing anything positive with the data he stole.

    • Izzy says:

      Also, the hacker violated federal laws, was convicted in federal court, and sentenced to time in a federal prison.

      All this is just another way of saying, “Would the IRS please get off its ass and do something about The Cracken already?!” Because even though the hacker case wasn’t IRS, the feds do NOT mess around.

    • Irishae says:

      OMG, I got one of those red-light traffic camera tickets after getting stuck behind some old lady who stopped dead in the middle of the intersection. I physically stood in front of a judge today who watched the tape. He said I could have been a danger to society, he would show no leniency, and fined me almost $900.

      And here goes the Cracken evading legit charges AGAIN….

      Sorry for the rant, off subject, I’m just fuming right now!! I hate California.

  19. Gemini08 says:

    She looks so out of it in these pics. And that outfit?! To court?! I am honestly running out of things to say about this train wreck.

  20. evie says:

    LOL!! I had the same thought! He looks like he’s over the whole thing.

  21. Snowpea says:

    Can somebody please tell me why she has those long greasy extensions attached to her head? She looks VILE, DIRTY and CHEAP!

    Cut them off you fool. Get a cute pixie crop. Stop plumping your lips. Get a facial. Go to rehab. Sober up. Sort your life out.

    I used to have so much empathy for this girl. But now I see an ungrateful, contemptuous, entitled drug addict. Disgraceful.

  22. Itsa Reallyme says:

    That outfit is super ugly, she looks like she’s on something and like she hasn’t bathed in days or weeks.
    I’m stunned that she keeps getting away with this atrocious behavior. Sad for her. She’s going to die young and nobody in her life cares.

  23. Hailey says:

    Straight up Lana del ray lips. I love the top–hate the pants. Does she have a plastic surgeon on her plane?

  24. staramour says:

    Travesty! 181 days until she is at her crack shenanigans again. OMG that means 180 days without a crack-tini! *Last call starts now! Mix, pour, drink, repeat. Stop at midnight or when you think her punishment was fair… Guess we’ll all be a little more sober these next 6 months!*

  25. Samigirl says:

    She could have taken some time to brush her hair.

  26. brin says:

    To sum this mess up in one word: Wasted. As in: 1. this wasted our time
    2. the accused is wasted

  27. elo says:

    She forgot her pants in NYC and had to borrow some from Courtney Stodden.

  28. Sarcasmo says:

    There was so much laugh-inducing about this:

    MiLo at the end, arguing with Heller was priceless;

    The judge telling her not to drive “You’ll be in New York, you don’t need to drive;”

    The outfit;

    That hair;

    And let’s not forget the Deputy Atty telling the media that the offer she accepted was ALWAYS the offer on the table. That was truly glorious!

  29. boo says:

    Wow, she looks as bad as I did before I finally got sober. I had to take a picture at a school where I was a teacher’s aide (sorry LA school sytem) and I was about the same age as Lilo I was so bloated and my hair was frizzy, I keep that picture to remind me what it was like. She looks like 10 miles of bad road, wow, I hope she finally gets sober, Oh, I forgot, she doesn’t drink or take drugs, she’s just a chaotic mess cause she’s and “artiste” said with a smirk.

  30. boo says:

    Sorry I have to post again, but did she actually take the 90 days that they had offered her to begin with? So, the purpose of going to court is to get pap attention right? OMG it’s worse than I thought. That is so totally ridiculous, all of this could have been done with a while back, without her flying out to LA, without the paps, but of course, she chose to come here, she was probably missing the warming rays of the lightbulbs. What a wreck this woman is.

  31. GiGi says:

    Ugh! That sad doll hair… it’s so awful!

  32. K-rock says:

    Wow did she looked hungover or what?? Her voice is all gravelly and her eyes were so puffy and dark. Eeesh.

  33. Madisyn says:

    Belle and Mort, you have mail.

  34. logan says:

    I can’t for the life of me decide which was my favorite part. When the judge said “obey all laws” or “stay away from all drunks and druggies” (my words not his) or “don’t drive”.
    What oh what will we all do with her locked away for 90 days? Talk about a boring Spring. Bring it on Justin, or Britney or Tara or ………
    My advice to her, take about a 4 day nap, shower, do something with your hair then grow the heck up!

  35. lulu1 says:

    So, if she has to submit to random drug testing etc. they should test her round about now – it must be happy hour at the Chateau Marmont – and then we can fast forward through the 90 days, and go straight for the prison time?

  36. Dani says:

    You can actually see where her hair ends and where her weave starts. It’s so awful.

  37. Laura says:

    This woman is going to end up dead due to her irresponsible behaviour and poor life choices.

    It’s sad – but the only one to blame for this situation is Lindsay. She is an adult and she made the decisions that have led to her current mess of an exsistence.

    I do hope that she gets a grip on the reality of her life and makes the necessary changes to prevent a tragic ending…

  38. Onyx XV says:

    She looks awful!! Looks like she hasn’t slept in a week and she’s been getting her lips pumped up daily…ugh, gross.

  39. karmasabiatch! says:

    OK, hands down…the absolute worst, most ill-advised, inappropriate court date attire EVER. Great for cocktails or clubbing, but SRSLY?

    Why, oh why did I ever hope she might actually do real time?? Rich johns or not, how does she get the money for (obviously) more cosmetic jacking up of her face, new greasy-assed extensions, private planes and payola to grift out the California judicial system??!

    I am just grossed the f&%k OUT.

  40. needsmeds says:

    Those courtroom pics- this is officially the worst I’ve seen her look. She’s looking one foot in the grave-y. Yikes.

  41. sunnyinseattle says:

    She has to stay away from anyone using drugs? LMFAO Doesn’t she LIVE with her Mom? ;-)

  42. Madriani's Girl says:

    That right there is the face of someone who partied so hard the night before, she is still a$$-wasted.

  43. sheri says:

    It’s been driving me insane…I have always felt I had met Mark Heller or something, today it clicked. He looks like one of Goblins in Harry Potter. Like, almost exactly.

  44. Mia 4S says:

    The offer was always there, she really did this for the attention (and cost those energy drink guys $50,000 for nothing, what idiots!). Rehab is useless but at least she’s off the street.

    Does she really still believe she’s a serious actress? Does she think Christopher Nolan will see her perp walk and decide that he’s found the star of his next movie? That James Cameron will be sending the script for Avatar 2? I wonder how deep the delusion goes?

  45. Shauna says:

    I’m now more convinced than ever that should could get up, in the middle of court, do a few lines of coke, blow the judge and stab her attorney and she’d still get rehab and more probation.

  46. Eva says:

    I thought the last photo was Rose McGowan for a split second (who used to be so pretty). Florescent lighting is not a friend to those with (especially bad) plastic surgery.

  47. dorothy says:

    She won’t be able to live up the stipulations of the deal. Like I’ve said before, we’ll all be back doing the same thing in less than 6 months. However, at least people in LA will be safe on the streets for 90 days.

  48. Nicolette says:

    They should keep her mother away from her as well. She has enabled her daughter for years so she could live the lifestyle she wanted without any regard to what it was doing to her child. Dina is a drunken mess herself and should be placed in rehab as well. And The Cracken being late yet again to court shows a total lack of respect.

  49. Sisi says:

    18 months of therapy is vague. They should’ve ordered her to attend a certain amount of hours/sessions. If she goes once a month for 18 months, it’s hardly an effective sentence, but she will have fulfilled the demands Lohan style it seems. remember what happened last time…?

  50. TheEntrepreneursWife says:

    So is this better or worse than the plea deal that Shawn Holley was working out for her before she was fired?

  51. Ruyana says:

    There is no way she can do without her sea jasper and “water” for 90 days. She figures she can sneak out of lock-down rehab just like she did before and get her party on. Can’t stand this trick. And I’m quite sure she still thinks she’s the hottest thing on legs.

  52. Gal says:

    This would be a news story if she actually had to go to jail. As someone said above: Party on Lindsay!

  53. logan says:

    What’s that I hear in the background? Oh yea, the IRS is calling.

  54. RobN says:

    Her sentence wasn’t stayed because she’s got big boobs and an expensive lawyer. This is California where we’re under an order from the Federal Courts to reduce prison overcrowding so they’re transferring people from state prison to county jails. LL won’t get jail time because hers was a non-violent crime and we simply don’t have room for non-violent offenders. Unfortunately, we don’t have room for you until you hurt somebody or get yourself an actual felony.

  55. bangarang says:

    I once looked like how LL looked in court today. I spent all night writing an essay for uni and then had to work till 6 the next day, some kind man gave his seat up for me on the train on thw way home because he said I looked like I was about to colapse

  56. Ruyana says:

    That outfit she wore to court is absolutely ugly. It can’t decide what it wants to be…pantsuit?…dress with weird see-through pants?…top worn with both skirt and pants? Awful.

  57. Jessica says:

    At least we get another mugshot. They have to book, mug and release her within the next 7 days.

    Sad to say, I truly believe she will die before 30 IF she does not get a good hard prison sentence of 6 months or more.

  58. Ruyana says:

    If she continues to obey all laws? When did she *start*.

  59. Mich says:

    Wait. I’m confused. I thought Milo WANTED his daughter put into long-term, lock-down rehab… Hasn’t he been banging on about this for some time now? So what is his problem?

  60. some bitch says:

    She looks like about ten different kinds of hell. I’m sure there’ll be plenty of crack drama in rehab too.

  61. Shelly says:

    All snark aside, and I can’t stand her anymore, I do hope that this time in rehab helps her. She obviously needs a lot of help, in more ways than one. At the very least, after 3 months in a locked-down rehab, perhaps her lips will deflate and the fillers in her face will subside, she’ll have yanked out those awful extensions, and maybe she’ll actually look normal again.

  62. Lady D says:

    So what happens if she is busted with drugs? Absofuckinglutely nothing, right? What happens if she sneaks out of rehab? Or is found in the company of drug addicts? Again, absofuckinglutely nothing. She could have walked into court with a water bottle full of well, anything, and they would have just looked the other way. I don’t understand why CA is so blatantly one-sided when it comes to celebrity justice versus ordinary citizen. CA justice is a joke and blohan is the court jester. A very expensive for CA court jester.

  63. diva says:

    Just a mess. It’s sad that people keep letting her get away with screwing up. She isn’t going to learn until she hurts herself or someone else. Smh….

  64. anne_000 says:

    How come judges NEVER revoke her driver’s license PERMANENTLY? And I have a feeling she’s going to end up in a brouhaha with another rehab staffer again.

  65. EscapedConvent says:

    She went to court in lounging pajamas?

  66. Ginger says:

    This girl needs therapy! I hope it works for her and that she will actually pay attention in her one thousandth trip to rehab because she looks like all kinds of hell.

  67. sunnyinseattle says:

    So the police are admitting there was a water bottle filled with what they suspected was wine at the scene of the accident and she had alcohol on her breath at the hospital, yet they never tested her for it, or drugs?? WTF? I know everyone has suspected it all along, but according to TMZ it came out in the police report today. THAT pisses me off all most as much as having to see her ugly ass face on our side of the jail cell! :-(

  68. Green is Good says:

    Firecrotch looks like she’s near death,

    And it’s probably already been said, but your average Jane Doe would have been THROWN IN JAIL!! GAAAH!!! How does this a
    spoiled, entitled Kunt keep getting all the breaks?!

  69. Green is Good says:

    This is her 8th trip to resort…er “REHAB”, right? Yeah, worked out the last 7 times didn’t it?

  70. truthful says:

    She’ll never be clean, unless she abandons her drug addict..boozing mom.

    It no telling what her sister is up to, noooooooo teling.

  71. Alana Fajina says:

    I can’t for the life of me understand why they will not throw her ass in the pokey. Does she have to friggin run a child over in her car While being filmed by TMZ for anyone to fully understand what a danger she is to herself AND society?? How much money does she have that she can afford the types of attorney’s it takes to continuously get a slap on the wrist??? I am saddened and confused by this.

    • Lulu.T.O. says:

      In short, yes. We are filled to the brim with violent offenders, and I’d rather my tax $ go to keeping the murderers and rapists off the streets than this literal waste of space. She can foot her own rehab bill.

    • thebutlerdidit says:

      It’s just as others here have said-the severe over,-crowding is the motivating factor for her freedom, vs. her skin color, bank acct, & or bewbs. Until she kills someone’s mother, father, child, or all 3, then she will continue to repeat this process until she dies. Everyone talks about her needing “help,” or hoping she gets “help.” The problem is, the word help means to assist, or give a hand up to someone. Lindsay doesn’t want, nor, believes she needs help. She needs punishment, depravation of all material needs and goods. Only the real bottom of the barrell will possibly change her mindset, & that’s even doubtful.

  72. Lulu.T.O. says:

    Her father nees to just SHUT up and SIT DOWN. wtf

  73. Jaded says:

    She looks like she has the hangover from hell.

  74. dee says:

    To confess a sordid episode from my past, I once spent a week in a lock down rehab facility. Trust me she didn’t get away with anything here. It’s hard time and I was at a fairly posh one.

  75. Celebitchy was right…California’s legal system’s slogan, for d-list celebs is YOLO. If you’re an ordinary shlub smoking a doobie in the park, you be in big trouble. If you’re this thing, YOLO. Why do they kiss her ass and give her these joke “sentences”? What a farce.

  76. Lucy2 says:

    And the countdown to how she cracks her way out of rehab begins.

  77. lady mary. says:

    mmm,her hair changed colour did it ,it was orangey outside the court ,now its all blonde in the court ,starnge ,i guess thats what she was doin inthe bathroom ,getting a new weave,anyways Hail the Almighty Cracken!

  78. Jag says:

    Why didn’t they drug test her right then and there? I have a theory that the reason she always looks like hell in court is so that the judge will take pity on her. I can’t believe that they didn’t do anything about her pleading guilty to the probation violation, though. She IS teflon!

  79. KLC says:

    She’s a fungus. And fungi spread. Can’t eradicate them.

  80. qtpi says:

    They are reporting that she turned down 30 days in house arrest because she would have to wear an ankle bracelet that monitors alcohol/drugs. And took the 90 days in locked rehab instead. Does this mean she knows she can get whatever she needs/wants (addiction wise) in there so it is the better deal? So confused.

  81. Bess says:

    So, do you guys think Michael Lohan was right and the Crackie didn’t know the terms of the plea agreement???

  82. Mia says:

    90 days in “lockdown” rehab? Thank god! If its really as stringent as it sounds she really might have to stay completely sober. And I hope if she doesn’t do the community service or therapy when she is supposed to the throw her crackhead self right in jail, the way they would if anyone else constantly violated their probation.

  83. elina says:

    She looks fuuuuuuuuuuuccc*****ed up!!! DAMN! I’ve been there. I know.

  84. skuddles says:

    I bet right now Lindz is trying to figure out just exactly how many drugs she can suitcase up the wazoo for her joke rehab stint. My guess is… an entire pharmacy.

  85. xxx says:

    I hate to sound cynical but there’s no way she’s going to make 90 days in rehab. What’s worse is that she will leave and nothing will happen to her:(

  86. Sway says:

    She looks so much like her mother… even the same hunched back…

  87. janie says:

    When does rehab start…. when ever “she” decides?

  88. Shelley says:

    Does anyone understand why:

    1) her driver’s license isn’t permanently revoked, or revoked for a significant time, ie, 5 years? That last (known) accident would surely have been fatal to the person she rear-ended IF it had been anything other than an 18-wheel truck!

    And 2) why is she never fined a significant (or any) amount of money?

    And I believe she’s a white woman with big implants, not big boobs.

  89. Shelley says:

    PS please tell me that she is responsible for the costs of the rehab and the psychiatrist – not the taxpayers, so I’ll see there’s a small sliver of justice in this process.

  90. Helvetica says:

    I don’t get it. She never gets anything but a slap on the wrist.

    Other people have committed far lesser (and less) crimes/charges and they get far worse punishment.

    It’s revolting how she always escapes.

  91. Meggin says:

    Hahaha I love how she is just glaring at her lawyer. But it rubs me the wrong way how she wears inappropriate designer clothes to court and tmz videos her prancing in wearing sunglasses like she’s walking the red carpet.

  92. Ernie says:

    Man, she just looks dog tired.