Ever since Drew Barrymore gave birth six months ago to her first child, a daughter named Olive, she’s gone a little bit overboard in her enthusiasm like a lot of parents tend to do. Drew’s post-birth interviews with magazines were a little bit nauseating especially in her insistence that she’s a super hands-on mom and even tie-dyes yoga leggings while her kid naps in between her own granola-rolling sessions or something. I don’t know if Drew has a nanny — she must certainly have some help, but she’s putting it out there loud and clear that she is super involved in all aspects of parenting. Is that part of her future brand? Perhaps.
Now Drew is talking more about why she’s given up a chunk of her career to stay at home and raise Olive. This story spoke to me in a sharp contrast to last week’s story about Ivanka Trump and the 16-hour work day, which CB covered. I understand Ivanka’s point, which is that she feels more useful in the world if she’s working like crazy (and certainly, Ivanka is free to make her own parenting decisions), but I arrive at a different perspective. My own mother was a workaholic; she’d drop us off at school in the morning, and we’d be lucky if we saw her before going to bed every night. She rarely took a day off even on the weekends because work was her thing. My dad was (and still is) a teacher, so he was home with us after school and during the summers, but it sure would have been nice to see my mom sometimes too. I don’t say this to evoke pity, but kids really do need their moms to be around at least sometimes, and if one doesn’t have to work 16-hour days, I think cutting back to something more reasonable (10 or 12 even) is probably better for kids’ wellbeing. Anyway, here is Drew’s point of view on the topic:
On the great myth: “I was raised in that generation where it was all, ‘Women can have it all!’ and I don’t think you can. I think something falls off the table. The good thing is that the things that stay on the table become so much more important. You have to choose your battles. I can’t direct movies right now; I would miss out on my daughter (Olive, 6 months). And I worked so hard to get to that point in my life, but it was a clear choice. I just had to make it.”
Will she become a “lifestyle guru” someday? “Whatever it is – it could be a beauty line, a movie, a cookbook (I’ll get there one day, but not yet. No one wants to eat my food, trust me) – maintain a sense of humor! It gets so serious out there. I love a good fart joke!”
[From USA Today]
I totally get what Drew is saying here about the semi-backlash of the “have it all” myth — perhaps even moreso because the “generation” that Drew speaks of is my own (she’s only a few days younger than I am). We were the first official generation of latchkey kids, and I’ve made perhaps too much of a big deal about not letting my daughter go through the same experience. I’m extremely lucky to be able to work at home, and that’s how I deal with the balancing act of work and parenting. So even though Drew is hippie-hipster-love-child-ish, I think we’d get along over a few drinks and fart jokes.
As for Drew’s self-recognition that she’s not the lifestyle-guru type, I just have to acknowledge my gratefulness in advance. Now if only we could stop the Goop from spreading any further.
Photos courtesy of WENN
Yeah, the ‘have it all’ is the greatest lie ever told, according to my mum. One ‘can’ have it all, but not at the same time. The first five years of your kid’s life are their most formative. After that, it’s all icing. ‘Family Planning’ has factored in hugely for me, because of it. Kid’s heading to school, I’m heading back to work. If moms could have their babies with them at work, or there was a more fair understanding of what it takes to bond with (some) kids, having it all would actually be a thing. But really, it’s a man’s world. Better pump that boob behind closed doors during all your meals and breaks and trot your kid out when they’ve ‘achieved’ something.
I’m a lawyer, working up to 16 hours per day. I just can’t imagine having a family when I’m working like this. I don’t even have a boyfriend. Furthermore, I think such a “have it all” approach is harmful, as it makes us want more, and more, so we are never happy with what we’ve got. Well, I don’t want to sound pessimistic – I still think we can have a lot – just not at once.
I agree completely with the idea that wanting to have it all leaves us unsatisfied. You don’t see men trying to have it all. They were never sold that bag of goods for one thing. Instead, they get to have the career while their wives take care of the family. If we want to have the career, which we can, we need to share more family responsibility with men. It can certainly be done but many of us are reluctant to ask for that.
+2
Kasia, that’s how I feel.
I think it’s about prioritizing. There is absolutely nothing wrong with focusing on career. Also, there is nothing wrong with focusing on family. But, I do think it is very hard, if not impossible, to do both simultaneously and well.
I believe everyone should do what they want, and do their best at it. Just don’t take having a child for granted, because once you bring someone else into your world, you really owe it to them to make them the focus.
Just some thoughts from a believer in choice and priorities.
You can’t have it all. Something always falls through the cracks. Even Oprah has said she would not be where she is professionally and financially if she had children because she would not have been able to put in the hours she did to achieve her success.
I am fortunate enough to stay home with my kids. We don’t have a mansion, or super nice cars and we don’t take vacations to 5 star resorts, but I am here when my kids need me. To me, and them, that is what counts.
As for being home until they go to school – one of my working friends lamented that she should have waited to stay home with her kids until they were older, because she found the older they got, the more they needed her.
My mom has said the same thing. She thought she should have worked a bit when we were young and stayed home when we were teens because that’s when the proverbial you know what starts hitting the fan.
I think there’s something to that. I just had coffee with a friend this morning and we discussed this very thing. She was laid off late last year and is so happy to be home for her middle and high school age kids.
My kids are the same age, too, and I am so grateful to be able to work from home and be here for them. There’s nowhere near the level of hands-on attention required but the stakes are just so high at this age, when peer pressure begins to kick in.
This is true about things getting busier and harder as the kids get older. I have a large family (preschool up to high school). Financially, I need to go back to work but don’t know how I’m going to make it work because the kids just need so much more as they get older. I will definitely be getting a “job” and the “career” will be put on hold until the kids are grown. There’s plenty of time for that later.
Very true! I myself was not of the best breed in high school in which my parents negotiated jobs where my dad would come home early to keep me out of trouble
I love Drew AND I love that this topic is back in play. Men never seem to be asked this question Can you have it all? But we woman are saddled with this conundrum.
Truth is: women cannot nor can men. It must be hard to – even harder without millions for nannies – to have it all. Am I judging her no. But every mother whether well off or not wants to be as hands on much as possible. Every parent for that matter I would hope.
Thanks DB. 🙂
I don’t think women will ever stop arguing about the work versus stay at home decision, but I guess everyone just does what’s best for them. Drew is lucky to have a) acheived much success already and b) to have the luxury of choosing whatever balance she wants.
I was initially surprised to see Drew go all “supermom” after giving birth, but I think that’s pretty common with a lot of new mothers — from my experience, they have a child and all of the sudden they’re all “Mother Knows Best” types. It’s sort of cute. It usually wears off after a while :).
Oh please, what career did she give up. She’s just another Goop whose careers are at a dead end so now they preach how to be amazing mom you have to give up career otherwise you are a bad mother.
This women was a Lindsey Lohan in her youth and now is pendering to the Mini Van majority. I don’t see anyone telling a man he can’t be both a father and a career man.
It’s the bullsh-t the conservatives spew. My mother was miserable when she had no job and she was a far better and happier parent when she worked. Being stuck in the house all day with children didn’t fullfil her.
Where in the article did she say that being a working mom or choosing to have a career makes u a bad mom? She is simply stating that as a mom, u do what u feel is important and do the best u can. She made her choice.My mom was an hard worker and we had to go to a boarding school. If she had a choice,she will be home with us. She choose her battle. She was the best thing in my life because I grew up to appreciate what she did for us.
+ 1000000
An acting career. I’m sure she could still get acting work on a regular basis if she wanted to. Ditto for Goop. The quality of roles available may not be that great, but that can be said for the vast majority of actresses. She found something to do that was more fulfilling to her than playing the mom or wife in some generic movie that probably wouldn’t be remembered anyway.
I’m not sure what her husband does, but I get the impression he doesn’t have a high pressure, time consuming career in addition to being a father and husband.
If they’re able to swing it financially and they’re happy with the situation, they’re extremely lucky and so is their kid.
I don’t think she’s talking about not working at all, but about not directing right now, which by most accounts is very time consuming.
Well, I’m fairly conservative (or at least more conservative than a lot of other people who post here), but I agree with you 1000 percent. It is certainly possible to be a working mom and a great mother.
If it’s a two-parent household, and both parents do a their fair share, there’s no reason both parents can’t have thriving careers while being great parents. It’s being done everyday by people with far fewer resources than Drew has.
Thank you, Samtha, for saying what I was about to post, almost verbatim (well, more coherently than me. I’m in an allergy-med fog).
“It’s being done everyday by people with far fewer resources than Drew has.”
True but often with a lot of angst. Keeping a balance is not easy, imo.
Given how she grew up, I’m not surprised she’s concentrating on being a mom right now.
absolutely, she probably wants a different chilhood for her daugther
Ot-Just announced that Margaret Thatcher died.
I just saw that, sad.
Oh my goodness. I hope she’s at peace now, she’s been quite poorly for so many years 🙁
RIP Margaret, one of our Greatest Britons and our ballsiest PM.
I thought we were talking about nurturing women here?
Men manage to hold down a job, a relationship and be parents all at the same time. Many single parents manage the job, kids and dating.
You can have it all. You just can’t have it all and have everything be utterly perfect. It’s like some women think ‘having it all’ meant being a high powered career woman and a full-time SAHM, somehow magically at the same time. All it meant was that you could be a mum and a wife, and also have a career.
Drew isn’t a SAHM. She’s just not acting right now. She still has her production company, she has that new make-up line, she still has plenty of work to do. She actually does have it all; kid, marriage and successful business ventures. I really dislike the way so many actresses pretend they’re not working. If you are a SAHM, cool, but if you aren’t why lie about it and downplay your work?
Of course men manage it -they have wives to take care of their kids and other domestic shit.
Took the words right out of my mouth. Moms, working or not, are usually, head of household admin on all levels, organising kids lives and all that entails, working outside the home with kids, means you have two jobs, always.
Thank you. That’s exactly why it works for them.
Agreed. All of the senior people where I have worked have been men with kids and stay at home wives or women (married or unmarried) with no kids. You can certainly have a FT job with kids, but most women can’t have young kids and a top tier, highly lucrative job – both are too demanding, and there’s only so much time in the day.
My mother died when I was 5. My dad worked full-time, climbed the corporate ladder and raised 4 kids by himself, with no family help and only the occasional babysitter. People do it everyday.
All the really successful men I know are partnered up with similarly career driven women (or men), and they both juggle the family responsibilities.
And while not always men aren’t the primary caregiver even within a marriage. Women are more “active” parents. This isn’t a bash on men as many are wonderful fathers and very hands on but there expectation of their role is much different.
Also drew never said she was done working she said she wasn’t working right now. Is the kid even a year old yet? I really don’t see the big deal with taking a longer break if you can.
When you consider her childhood and the amount of time projects like movies take it’s not surprising she is laser focused on being a mom. I really didn’t see this as a slight against the women’s movement or working moms.
Well then, let’s change that. Men should do more domestic work! Also, as simeone upthread said, the workplace doesn’t really acknowledge parenting. Workplace daycare would make a huge difference for many parents, as would flextime (which employers seem ti be better about). But what always gets me is that these conversations assume parents have a choice – most don’t they have to work. I’ll be honest, what goes for me is the uber neat house and best dressed award. But who cares? I love my job and a better mon to my kids.
But she is working right now. Why do you think she’s giving interviews left and right. She has a cosmetics line to promote. I’ve seen more of her recently than I have in years. She’s working, but for some reason she wants people to think she’s a full-time SAHM.
Correction: men ‘have it all’ because they don’t do it all. The general statistic (at least here in North America) is that they leave about 80% of household chores to the female partner, and that includes child rearing chores. Now of course not all men fall into this category and I really respect the equal-work partnerships out there, regardless of gender. But most men don’t do their equal share of work at home AND at the office, and that’s why they seemingly get it all. Women are the ones doing ‘double-days’ in most cases. This is why we need to work hard at socializing and teaching our kids to work outside of this!
You cannot have it “all” and do “all” of it well at the same time. Being a parent is much more than just providing food, daycare and roof over their heads. That doesn’t mean that working parents are bad parents, either. But it is foolish to think that you can be all things to all people (parent, employee, spouse/lover, friend, etc. plus culitvating interests of one’s own) at all times. It’s just not doable-something will give.
What is important (and the point of what Barrymore was saying) is that it’s choosing priorities at a given point and in trying to strike a balance that works for you and your family. That’s not knocking anyone or insulting anyone’s choices.
I think the people that are getting so defensive and angry about this post are likely the ones who have not made choices they are happy with.
As a Pre-K teacher I see a lot of moms grappling with themselves on their career vs. being at home with the kids. It is a very complicated issue and really many American companies, occupations, institutions, policies,community and husbands don’t help or support women in their decisions. We have far to go to help families in the US. I also see division of moms in the schools. There are working mom cliques and stay-at-home mom cliques and each have an attitude about the other. There is anger and jealousy between them. It would be really nice if women would support each other and instead of being so judgemental of each other.
Agree! I transitioned into working at home (writer) so BOTH the working moms AND the stay-at-home moms thought I was some kind of faker. I didn’t fit into either side. The two different groups do not overlap.
You can “have it all” but you can’t do it all well at the same time. You end up feeling like a failure across the board because you can’t excel at everything at the same time. You just try to hit the high points of what’s going on at work and what’s going on at home, and you need HELP.
THIS was exactly my experience when I worked full time for a while after the birth of my oldest son. When I was at work I worried about him and when I was home I felt guilty about not caring more about work. I was unable to do either job very well.
I was fortunate that I was able to quit to be home after my second son was born. I work from home (a writer also) but I’m able to focus better with a more flexible, fluid schedule. It’s easier for me to be on call basically 24/7 than trying to conform to a typical workday schedule. And it’s true that I don’t exactly fit with either mom crowd. Although I can fake it pretty well when necessary. 🙂
It’s interesting that you say there is anger and jealousy between these two groups (stay-at-home vs. working moms) which makes it seem to me that these women don’t have enough balance in their lives to be truly happy with their choices. I think that just points back to the fact that you can’t have it all and do it all well (without a lot of support). And the fact that there is a lot of pressure on women to think they must do it all. And look great doing it.
@Wif —you are so right and the “look great doing it part” really hit the nail on the head”
I also think the anger and jealousy between the two groups has more to do with the media than actual anger and jealousy. As a SAHM, I have never had someone criticize me for my choice (at least not to my face). In fact I tend to get the opposite reaction. As for working moms, I think many who work are better moms because they get some space from their kids.
As I said upthread, we need to ask for help from me instead of upholding the stereotype of the “incompetent dad” that you see on everything from commercials to movies to slogans. As a society we need to quit emasculating men who choose to stay home while the wife works.
My husband doesn’t do much housework because he earns most of the money. That’s HIS job and he works a lot of hours doing it. My job is the kids and the house. But if I were working outside the home, the expectations would be different. (And his job still includes killing all bugs and fixing all leaks.)
+1
Cody,
Hear, hear!
Well said. Raise your boys And girls right!
i hate this. why do women have to sacrifice everything? The father is never expected to give up his job. This argument is like we’re still living in the 60s. I can’t believe how much shit mothers still get from wanting to work, and i think it’s terrible for someone who has a) millions of dollars, or b) the fortune to work from home to be like, your children would be better if you spent more time with them. A stay at home mum is not better than a working mum
“A stay at home mom is not better than a working mom.” That depends, I think. Some people were born to work with kids, and if that’s you, be with your kids a lot. If not, make sure your kid spends their days with someone who is. If you are amazing with kids, being at home is probably best. If you are more fulfilled out in the workforce, then that’s were your child will most benefit from you being.
+1 It should be no different than choosing any career. Both are hard work. To do both at the same time is twice as hard without the proper support, but it’s not a real choice economically for most people – men and women. The difference is the expectations for men as husbands and fathers are usually less demanding, and they often get more support in the housekeeping and parenting departments.
Yes. I think it depends on the person. I have been both, and I feel better when I’m in the workplace. I think it depends on the support you have. Thankfully, I have an amazing husband, and we work as a team. I have guilt, but when I’m home, I’m home. I think it’s important to separate work and home. But I don’t think it is possible to have it all. Im just happy to have a little bit.
This! Thank you!
Thank you, Kay, for raising the fathers’ issue. I have NEVER EVER heard a man say that he ‘can (or cannot) have it all’.
I think having a child is completely different for men and women and I think it changes women much much more, IMO.
the misconception is that succesful men “have” families. yes on paper but they barely see them. thats not having a family.
how could you lead a family life working 16 hours each day and traveling half of the year? not possible.
and from reading feminists posts yuo can the impression that all men have careers. how many men actually have careers?5%? the rest can be glad to not be fired when there is a recession.
you cant have both, one thing will suffer greatly. but you know you can live a very happy life being average in job and family, trying to perfect both is the certain path to unhappiness and burn out syndrom.
what annoys me the most is the heavy focus on “success” and success only meaning to make as many dollars as possible, no matter how.
women could learn from men a lot in this regard. have you ever heard an old guy saying “i wish i spent more time in the company instead of playing with my children, seeing them making their first steps?” no its the contrary.
i think what our western society needs is to get away from this money and career obsession and to get obsessed about life quality. we will all die and what are you going to do with millions of dollars when you are dead?
Yes, yes, yes! My husband actually says that all the time to me when I start wondering if I should go back to work. No one will ever put on their tombstone, “I wish I had worked more.” I’m lucky because he supports me 100% and I support him 100% so we have two kids that wish maybe their parents weren’t home so much. lol
Success is not about making millions… it’s about achieving certain career goals and contributing your talents to society. My mother’s generation graduated college as a nurse or teacher. They paved the way for my generation, who really can do anything we want regarding career. That’s why I work.
Yeah, I had an interesting conversation with a co-worker once after I went back to work after my oldest son was born that has always stuck with me. He asked how it felt being back at work and I said something like sitting in a quiet meeting with a cup of coffee felt like a vacation.
He was the most senior guy in our office, with 3 boys, by all accounts rich and successful. He was like “Yeah, why do you think us dads are so eager to escape to the office every day? It’s SO much easier than being at home with the kids.”
I remember being shocked that he actually admitted that. (Incidentally I heard he was divorced a few years later. Still seems to be rich and successful, career-wise at least, from what I can gather on LinkedIn.)
well… she puts it as if it were an either/or decision. It doesn’t have to be, at least not over here in Europe where in a lot of workplaces you can go part-time after maternity leave, so you’re at work while your kid is in kindergarden or school and in the afternoon/early evening you’re home. Then again, a standard work-week in Europe is usually 48hrs which comes down to 10hrs a day not counting the weekends.
“I can’t direct movies right now; I would miss out on my daughter (Olive, 6 months).”
W-0-W.
and yet Demi Moore was breastfeeding one of her ingrates on the set of ‘Disclosure’ and Angie does EVERYTHING, EVERYWHERE with her children in tow.
note to millionairess actresses complaining about ANYTHING:
SHUT.
THE.
F*CK.
UP!
i officially can’t f*cking stand her. 👿
Hmm, it seems like she’s saying she’s going to hang with her kid right now because she wants to do that even though she just made it to an important stage in her career where she can direct. I don’t really see whats so cray about this, just like I wouldn’t judge an actress from bringing her newborn to work. It’s a personal decision, but she’s sharing that it meant something else in her life had to give. I’d be the same way. Can’t do too much at once, while others juggle a million things.
It is a personal decision and you just never know how you are going to react or “take” to motherhood. I thought for sure my career would always stay on the front burner but then my heart melted with the arrival of my little bundles and suddenly work didn’t have nearly as much importance (other than the $ of course). I wouldn’t have fathomed that. And it’s an ongoing evolution for sure.
Yeah, I just don’t see her as bitchin here, just saying she’s not going to try and do It all when her baby is so young. I think it’s a big deal for a woman to become a director in Hwood. And she’s saying, she did it, but it’s not as big a deal as her baby right now. It’s funny, because if it were Goop, it would come across differently. Goop wants us to sort of feel for her that she ‘works’ so hard when her kind of ‘work’ to me seems just like silly attempts to stay relevant when she and hubby have gazillions of dollars.
I really don’t understand what is wrong with her saying that she wants to take time off right now to spend with her daughter. She waited a long time to have a baby. Why is it wrong for her to say she’d miss her?
I’m glad more people are talking about this issue: that women can’t have it all. Why? Because the system was made for men, who were traditionally not involved in family and domestic work, and stayed that way for everyone who wanted to join the work force. We women fought for equality and were told: hey, to be equal to men, you can get in the work force, now join the system and become one of us, and put that suit on. Well guess what? You can’t have the suit on AND run around after your kid in the kitchen. The system was faulty to begin with and didn’t allow any room for other types of informal work in the economy (the kind of hard work you do at home but never get paid for), and so this is where we are today.
We need to fundamentally change the system and demand that it become more family friendly so that women aren’t the ones making all the sacrifices. Drew is lucky to have the millions and make the choice to stay at home, but what about the lower income women who have no choice BUT to work and raise up a family? I really feel for them.
The Atlantic article on this issue became their most widely read article online. I really enjoyed it, hope you will too: http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/07/why-women-still-cant-have-it-all/309020/
Exactly. Well put. Society expects the woman as mother, working or SAHM to be the one on charge and all those duties fall on her in addition to her job. This is what needs to change.
I agree. I think the odd are unfairly stacked against a women who has kids and works. Most of us aren’t millionaires, who has help. So we have to figure out how to juggle our home life and our working life.
Even in the most balanced of relationship, women are expected to give up something. So really, we get the short stick again. And when the kid grows up, who is he/she going to blame for not being home with them? So at times it feels like you’re damned if you do, or damned if you don’t.
You know what bugs me about this article? This woman was director of policy planning at the STATE DEPARTMENT. I’m sorry, but this is not a garden variety job. In fact, the reasons why it’s hard to do this job go far beyond just being a woman. I feel like people bring this article up as evidence that doing both is impossible, but I hazard to guess that most of us can handle the jobs we have and still have kids, even if we don’t do as great at either one. Lets face it, most people for one reason or another are not fully 100% present at their jobs anyway…
I have heard about this SAHM vs. working mom thing and I have to wonder if the media doesn’t love to play this up because I know both and there is no mid slinging on either side. I think women pair up with other women experiencing the same things, so SAHMs bond more with other SAHMs and working moms with other working moms. Taking my girl to school, one working mom was angry that the school expected her to do things which she couldn’t do because she worked, and so I think society hasn’t caught up with reality ,ore than other women taking sides. Maybe I just have nice friends but never have I heard another woman belittling a working mom.
I think there is a big difference between “having it all” and “doing it all”. So what if Drew isn’t directing…she still HAS it all.
I think the reason why comments like this rub people the wrong way is because they have the luxury of money and choice. They can choose not to work, work from home, or take the kiddies along to the set.
I HAVE to work. I wish I had the luxury to work less. 🙁
To finifh the thought, I think if you have the luxury to choose, then yiu really do have it all.
I don’t want to be a SAHM, but I would love to be able to work more from home or have a three day weekend every week!
I think Drew is getting ready to join the lifestyle brand thing with Goop and Alba.
My mother was a SAHM and later regretted her choice. She never went back to work (she’s still using the “I’m a SAHM” excuse when her last child graduated from university two years ago) but made sure that my sibling and I both knew that she hated being a mother, she sacrificed so much for nothing, and that we weren’t worth it.
Seriously, I wish she’d left us at home with a nanny and had her career. It would have left her a much better person and a much better family. Much less resentment from everyone. Less resentment from my dad for having to be my moms ATM all these years. Less resentment from me for having a mom that was a begrudging guardian instead of a mom.
My point? Each family has to do what’s best for themselves. And the adults involved have to make honest, mature, and rational decisions.
I’m ashamed to say I mocked SAHM moms a lot in my earlier years. Knee jerk reaction to my own issues. I won’t be having children because I took a long look inside myself and decided that I was not the person for that job–and there is nothing wrong with that. Everyone needs to do what is best for their family financially and emotionally. By staying at home or having a career–do what is best for your family. Either way, I won’t judge.
“Less resentment from my dad for having to be my moms ATM all these years.”
Ouch.
She looks really rough on the first picture.
My cousin does not have it all. She has two boys and works 7 days a week to support the family while her deadbeat husband does nothing. They are Irish Catholic and won’t divorce. She’s one of the nicest people you’d ever meet. Her dad died young, and her sister died young as well. She found her and had to fly and tell her mother
This topic makes my blood boil. First, it’s hard to find a more judgmental group than mothers, especially first time mothers.
Second, there is NO reason Drew can’t have it all. She’s got the wherewithal to have minders while she’s working. Se also has a very wealthy husband. So to hear her whining about not being able to have it all, just pisses me off when it’s her CHOICE not to have it all, and my cousin has no effing choice whatsoever.
So suck it, Drew, and all other sanctimonious mothers like you.
All you get is your life and it’s different for each person. No you can’t work 16 hours a day and have the same life as a stay at home mom. Stay at home moms are going to feel left out when talking to professional moms. Then there are women who got no choice about being a mother because they just couldn’t have children at all – that’d be me.
Some moms get no choice and have to do it all by themselves.
Your life is your life, do what you think is best for the child and be happy in your own space.
Regardless of what anyone says, NO ONE is going to raise your kids, pay your bills and maintain your household for you.
I stopped worrying about opinions years ago, – yes I have a cleaner house, less activities to run to, a more advanced career and more money than women who are moms my age – Oh well! I’ve paid for my lifestyle (we all do somehow) and I will enjoy it as much as I can.
A white woman from the affluent class saying she can’t “have it all”.
😐
IDK if race, income etc… do much to mitigate those circumstances.
I’ve seen happy families without much and terribly unhappy families with a lot of money and no love and vice – versa.
I friends that are single moms, poor that raised wonderful children and friends that make at 250,000 and have flat out drugged up, entitled brats.
More money seems to cause more issues.
You don’t think, as a multi-millionaire with all of her base needs met and then some, she should maintain a *little* bit of perspective?
Her issue is not being able to direct as many movies. She has it *all*. She’s just not able to add extra perks and luxuries.
I’m sorry Booger, but I’m missing the part where she doesn’t have perspective. She has said, “this person that I adore is going to grow up fast and I am going to let go of my other stuff so I can focus on watching this happen.” How is that not having perspective?
@ WIF
I agree. She’s saying that she can’t do both and the child is more important to her.
I worked hard isn’t a bad thing to say, that she may miss opportunities is a true statement. So no she can’t have it all right now – no one can.
I personally find it offensive booger brought up A white woman from the affluent class. What Michelle Obama has it all? No she probably wishes she could do more of A or B herself – we all do, so what’s with the White woman remark?
I’m not sure what you find offensive, JL. I’m pertaining to the fact that she’s never experienced any real adversarial treatment as compared to what the “have nots” in the world face.
By the standards of the majority of the world’s population, she has it all. That’s what I mean by maintaining perspective.
Yeah that rehab at 13 must have been a vacation.
I think one reason she chooses to stay home is her upbringing in Hollywood and being a godmother to Francis Bean and he own life ought to be enough to make Drew think about the Hollywood lifestyle and it’s effect on children.
Don’t mistake money and material things for having it all. If you’re not happy or in a loving family, you have nothing.
Plenty of people in rehab out there who don’t have her money. I’m not equating material things with happiness. I’m saying that it’s dumb to say “you don’t have it all” when, in comparison to the majority of other people in the world, you’re living large and have a pretty good life.
She is 100% right. Having it all is the biggest farce ever sold to women! If you work your child “falls off table” if you concentrate on child rearing your work “falls off the table.” Its not a matter of having it all, its a balancing act for most women & finding happiness in that balancing act. As a working mother I never felt the need to “have it all” but more so the need to prioritize and find happiness in what i do have.
Women need to support the decisions of other women. What works for one woman and her family might be different for another. There are sacrifices that are made, regardless of the choice. I would never question anyone’s reasoning for having or not having kids, or working vs not after they are born. There are too many people who are quick to criticize – unless you walk a mile in their shoes, that’s really unfair. I see women do this ever day and it makes me angry!
Very interesting discussion. I think I have most of it all. I am a nurse and able to work part-time. I am able to be there for my kids a good portion of the time. I always think I would like to be completely SAHM but I tend to get very obsessive with my kids at times and going to work a few times a week helps me have better perspective.
It also is what you define as all. If I wanted to be rich, money would have to be my absolute focus. We have a house, we have food, we have clothes and still some money left over for some wants so I think I have it pretty dang good especially compared to many women in this world. And bonus my hubs likes to cook and doesn’t need to be told to clean stuff. 😀
Here, here! I am also a mom who works part-time, and I really think it’s the best of both worlds. I am a librarian who works 24hrs a week, and it seems to work wonderfully for our family. My husband works full-time, so he is the primary source of income, but he is fortunate enough to work for a wonderful company that is flexible with our schedule. He’s also a good partner who helps with cooking, diaper changes, etc. We are by no means rich, but we definitely make enough. Because my children are all still very young I actually currently spend most of my income on daycare, but it’s nice to have a fulfilling job to go to with adult interaction and my little ones enjoy having a couple days at daycare to hang out with their little friends, too. My mom was a SAHM mom which I greatly appreciated growing up–she was very involved in volunteering in our classes, chaperoning field trips, band boosters, etc. I definitely want to provide that for my children when they start school, but also want to have ‘grown-up time’ too and keep my foot in the door of the work force for when they’re older.
I am glad I have a partner who is really doing his fare share with parenting kids and doing housechores, staying at home playing house is the most boring, numb thing ever, at least to me. Where is the intellectual stimulation? The professional interaction with adults? I would be an extremely shitty mum if I would not work. Last time I checked, my man contributed somehow to this baby making, so why should he not equally do children-raising related stuff? My daugther prefers my partner over me, and that is absolutely okay for me, they have such a beautiful bond, it doesn’t matter if the children have this kind of bond with their father OR mother imo. My mum was a SAHM and it was horrible, she was young, uneducated and hated it. My dad was never at home, earning the big monies, I wish I have had a caring father figure. All the women in my family were SAHM and it is really the least thing I wanted for my life, this I know already when I was very little.
I think it’s all a personal choice for men and women. I’m hoping that within this century we will see more men take on child rearing duties and the women have a career. we need to share equally. personally I think whomever can earn the most should work and the other take on child duties. As for chores, etc. that should also be divided ideally. But I don’t know anyone who has an ideal situation. As long as the children have living partners as parents they should be fine. However I would love to see more female leaders.
I think you can have it all so to speak. But we all only have 2 hands. So we have to sit something down and rotate them between the two hands.
Drew and many women are in a unique position. She has a husband a career that she can leave and come back to and a child. She is able to afford help, and she can bring her child with her to work. Can she be as ambitious as she was when she was younger, maybe not. But that is the kicker for anyone.
I think some women have it harder because they don’t have a male partner or whatever that is pulling the weight as equally as possible. We do see some celebrity couples working this out. Giving each the change to further their careers and take care of their family. But I think women are a bit to blame for this. I see comment all the time knocking a man who is supporting this woman. He is called henpecked or being led by the nose. So men don’t embrace that role when women are the offenders in this too.
Drew is promoting her cosmetic line. and like all celebs she says what may generate press. She has focused more on Producing then acting so that was not a hard transition to make.
but you can have a career, family, husband/whatever. But like a good meal you eat it in courses.
You can have it all. You just can’t have it all at once.
Truer words were never spoken!
Drew has already led a charmed life and achieved more fame and fortune than 99% of the population. So as far as career satisfaction goes if she hasn’t achieved it yet she never will. secondly if you try to be all things to all people you end being nothing to anyone. But at least she’s not on the great white savior trip like a number of other Hollywood celebs.
It is not that we can “have it all” its that woman now have to DO it all…in my experience and with the women I know, they still do the bulk of child care, housework, errands, etc., only now, they get to WORK full time too!