Clive Owen in Vancouver with glasses & some scruff: would you (nostalgically) hit it?

Dear Clive Owen,

We’ve been on the outs for a while now. No, you didn’t do anything in particular. Maybe that was the problem though? You made some crappy movies that no one wanted to see, and you disappeared from our collective radars. That Hemingway & Gellhorn mess was particularly tragic, but that was mostly because of Nicole Kidman’s Botox-Face. So when Fame/Flynet kept posting new photos of you over the past month on the set of your new film, Words and Pictures, in Vancouver, I kept ignoring them. I’ve been burned by your burning love before! Plus, my biscuit now belongs to Benedict Cumberbatch. And Michael Fassebender. And James McAvoy and Alexander Skarsgard (to a lesser degree). If I wanted to fall for some rugged, black-haired Englishman with piercing eyes, I began turning to my love David Gandy. So Clive, I guess what I’m trying to say is… WE ARE OVER.

OH GOD, don’t cry, Clive. It’s okay. Maybe I’ve been too harsh. Were you the one shunning me this whole time and I thought I was shunning you? Did you want to take a step back and focus on other things and that’s why your career faltered? Were you tired of being the next Richard Burton or whatever? Or maybe the world just doesn’t know what to do with a man like you, Clive. Especially when you’re all beardy and swarthy and… those glasses really suit you. You look like a college professor who knows how to give a good spanking. So, yes… maybe our love will last a little bit longer.

What’s that? You’ll be in Cannes for the premiere of Blood Ties? That’s interesting. Something to look forward to, I suppose, although I’ll be more interested in seeing what Mila Kunis is wearing and if she brings Ashton. Yes, I think Ashton is a d-bag too. It’s awful.

So, I guess I’ll see you around. You will always have a place in my heart (and other body parts). And by the way… keep the scruff. It’s doing something for me.

Love,
K

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet.

 

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33 Responses to “Clive Owen in Vancouver with glasses & some scruff: would you (nostalgically) hit it?”

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  1. T.Fanty says:

    I was all ready to say no, then I saw the cardigan.

  2. Miss Kiki says:

    I would hit it SO hard.

  3. melina says:

    Lol Kaiser, you are hilarious!!

  4. the original bellaluna says:

    Don’t fret, Kaiser, I got this! I know exactly what to do with Clive himself, and it most definitely involves hitting it. ;)

  5. Mata says:

    As much as I liked him, he’s also supposedly one of the celebs that was rude to fans. I’m not just talking about people approaching him while he’s eating or something. I’m sure being nasty to fans didn’t help while he was in those crappy movies.

  6. Ginger says:

    LOVE this post! I’m not into the scruff so if he shaved…most definitely yes! And it wouldn’t even be nostalgic.

  7. Crumpets and Crotchshots says:

    After seeing Cumberbatch in a cardigan, nothing else will do. Sorry Clive, it’s been real.

    • T.Fanty says:

      I’m actually in the process of getting dressed for work and am putting on a cardigan. I consider it my tribute to hot, sweatered men, past and present (cue background trumpet music).

      • EscapedConvent says:

        Sigh….cardigans. Cumby has brought heat to the cardigan.

        But you know what he looks like, to me, when he wears a sweater & tie? With the slick-back hair, he looks like you could pick him out of a frame & drop him directly into a 1940s black & white flick. “Philadelphia Story”, for example. Cumby should play James Stewart’s part.

        And I’m waiting for him to do something like “His Girl Friday”, because I see a sharp, clever comedy in his future.

        Ooops. I just realized I’m referring to Cumby when I came here to remark on Clive Owen. This is ridiculous! Must clear my head. Yes, Clive Owen is still hot & he has a lovely sexy voice.

        I hear a trumpet fanfare!

    • Nev says:

      hahahahahhahahahahha

      it’s been real.

      word.

  8. lady mary. says:

    i would , as long as he promises to talk dirty as he did in “closer” with me;all tied up

  9. Deb says:

    Oh yes I would definitely enroll in professor cardigan’s class mmmm

  10. ichsi says:

    Daaaw don’t let Kaiser be mean to you. While my biscuit belongs to McAvoy and Fassbender too, i’ll always will have room for you. No seriously, we should try, I’m not taking yoga classes for nothing. Also Fassy’s skinny and McAvoy tiny so we all would fit on my bed.

  11. silken_floss says:

    Best Dear John letter ever lmao

  12. Christina says:

    I would hit it like there were no tomorrow. And yes, he does look like a college professor who knows how to give a good spanking. Imagine that and some dirty talk. Really dirty. The kind that would make you blush the next day and also get your panties pretty moist. I will stop now. MOIST

  13. dunzo says:

    Your break up letter is hilarious! Clive doesn’t do it for me anymore, I used to be into gentlemanly Brits (Colin Firth, Hugh Grant..) when I was younger, but I’m more into dirty sex beasts like Fassy now lol.

  14. Ravensdaughter says:

    The past few years have not been kind to Clive (who I used to droll for-new man now). I think it was a curse from playing Heminngway.
    My new man is Alexander Siddig, who played the lover in “Cairo Time”…mmmmmmm..
    Poor Clive-His hair is thinning and the rest has that telltale Rogaine look….

  15. loveisthecoal says:

    I’m embarrassed to say so since he’s old enough to be my father, but yes, I would definitely hit it, especially dressed like that and with those glasses.

  16. renata says:

    I’ll never understand how this guy fell so off of the radar. I thought he was such a talented actor. He must have said the wrong thing to some bigwig in H’wood to have disappeared so intently.

  17. MNGirl says:

    “You look like a college professor who knows how to give a good spanking.”– OMG sign me up for that class!

  18. I Choose Me says:

    Awesome post K. I really did miss those from the desk of Clive Owens posts. And I like how you chose those pics to dovetail nicely with your letter.

    In conclusion, more Clive please. :)

  19. crazydaisy says:

    Hmm. Looking fine, looking fine. I might have to take him back myself.

  20. Nev says:

    hysterical post.

    hahahahahahahhahaahha

  21. bridget says:

    I thought that with him it was a combination of both intentionally not being in the public eye AND his movies not catching fire at the box office. Didnt he decline to even be considered for Bond, at a time that he would have been first choice?

  22. Camille (TheOriginal) says:

    I still love Clive. Not as much as Fassy or Askars these days, but he’s still in my top 10. These pics however, are not doing much for my love for him though :( .

  23. Ally8 says:

    Oh, you’re so fickle! I guess Cumberbatch and Fassbender shouldn’t unpack their bags at your house either… Maybe you’ll let them have a drawer.

    Between those two and Hiddleston, I’m thinking that Owen’s flaw in your eyes is that there are too few syllables in his name…

    I still love Owen’s smart man’s man look, and I hope he takes over when Daniel Craig hangs up the Bond togs.

  24. sheld says:

    Oh my god. The movie’s set at a “Croyden Prep, a new england prep school” and it’s actually being filmed at my school! I have friends who are working in the movie as extras and all I’ve heard are wonder wonderful things about Juliette Binoche and how nice she is and um… not so great things about Clive. Apparently he’s just not the friendliest guy.