I’ve gotten to the point where all of Lindsay Lohan’s cracktastrophes blend together. She is lump of crack. Her disasters all fold into each other until we merely have a black hole of narcissism, violence, crack-thievery, drugs and alcohol. But I was covering Lindsay’s shenanigans back in 2009, and I’m trying to remember what she was like then… pretty much the same as she is now, give or take some bruises and hundreds of thousands of dollars of lawyer’s fees. She was still a mess. She was still a disaster. One way to look at it is that she’s been in a holding pattern of addiction and stupidity for the past four or five years.

Anyway, back in 2009, Lindsay was hanging out with a gossip blogger named Nik Richie who founded The Dirty. He’s written a book called Sex, Lies & The Dirty. In the book, he details an incident involving Lohan in 2009. She was doing coke and acting like a crackhead. SHOCK. You can read the full thing here and here are some highlights:

A disheveled Lindsay Lohan snorted cocaine off her wrist in a bathroom during a paid appearance at a nightclub in Miami on New Year’s Eve 2009, according to a new tell-all memoir by controversial gossip blogger Nik Richie. In Sex, Lies & The Dirty, TheDirty.com founder revealed how Lohan, 26, shamelessly snorted coke in front of him at Mansion Nightclub in Miami, Florida, while her ex-girlfriend Samantha Ronson deejayed. The incident, Richie said, left him freaked out because it was “too much, too real.”

“The PR girl opens the bathroom door for us to walk through and stands guard outside,” Richie, who is set to star of VH1′s Couple’s Therapy, wrote in the book. “It’s candlelit, but the light makes my pupils shrink. Lindsay goes straight for the toilet, pulling her dress up and sitting (no underwear) and one of her breasts is hanging out the top of the dress. I start to wash my hands and she asks me, ‘So, what’s your story?’ before doing an uneven line of coke off her wrist. “I say, ‘Nothing… just, y’know… partying.’”

He added, “I’m watching Lindsay do coke to my right, that pale tit hanging out, and it takes a couple of seconds to kick in that it’s intentional. I’m supposed to see this. She wants me to. And she’s doing more coke, raising her eye-brows at me like, ‘Want some?’ She sniffs. Snorts. She swabs a little in her mouth and I’ve heard about this kind of thing on TV and in the papers, but it’s different seeing it: the chick from Mean Girls doing blow on the toilet next to me. She’s not the same girl anymore. Something’s changed. She’s lost her way and seeing it is freaking me out.”

Richie said he was at the Miami hot spot because he’d been signed to appear alongside the troubled actress and Ronson for a “celebrity” appearance. Outspoken Richie, who is married to ex-The Bachelor winner Shayne Lamas, claimed he used the appearance to orchestrate a scenario to break-up Lohan and Ronson in a publicity attempt to break a “celebrity scandal” and “stir the pot.”

“Samantha Ronson and Lindsay Lohan are the ‘it’ couple right now,” he wrote, “and in a stroke of genius, Justin Levine books Sam to deejay Mansion in Miami — not necessarily because he likes her as a performer, but because he knows that if Sam’s there, Lindsay is going to be there, too.”

He writes that Lindsay was booked $25,000 as the headliner and Sam was also paid, as was he.

Added Richie, “Sam is cueing up songs in her headphones and smoking a cigarette. Lindsay and I are drinking, watching Sam. It’s dark and kind of boring. I’m thinking that if I hit on Lindsay (who actually looks decent tonight) that Sam will go nuts and they’ll get in a fight. There’s a PR chick that we’re supposed to talk to if we need to use the bathroom, so I tell this girl that if Lindsay needs to go, make sure to grab me so I can go too…. Eventually the PR girl is telling me that Lindsay is going to the bathroom, so I sidle up to them, ready to navigate the stairs and hallways. Lindsay takes my hand, leading the way through the dark.”

When the pair returned after the bathroom rendezvous, Richie said he purposefully spoke to Ronson, in an calculated move to make Lohan jealous.

“I walk myself back to the DJ booth where Sam is smoking a cigarette, cueing the next track up on her laptop,” he wrote. “Sam shrugs at me like, ‘Where’s Lindsay?’ So I get up close, up in her ear and say, ‘She’s doing coke in the bathroom. That chick is crazy. How do you put up with it?’ Sam says, ‘Ugh! I knoooooooooooooooow,’ in a girly way I didn’t think she was capable of, but other than that she’s cool and down-to-earth, sort of like a dude.

“We’re chatting in the DJ booth, laughing and giggling over Lohan drama, then Lindsay comes back and sees the two of us. She’s wiping her chest off because someone spilled a drink on her during the walk back. Lindsay sees Sam and me getting along (I’m basically hitting on her) and flips shit. Sam asks her, ‘Babe, are you okay?’ motioning to Lindsay’s wet chest. Then Lindsay is yelling, ‘I can’t believe you’d f–king cheat on me like that! What the f–k?!’ I try to intervene, telling her, ‘Lindsay, I’m not going to f–k her. She’s a lesbian. It’s cool.’ She doesn’t even bother trying to talk to me. Lindsay turns to the nearest security guy and yells, ‘Get this f–king guy out of here!’ before she turns back to rip into Sam some more, causing a scene.

[From Radar]

Richie says that he eventually went back to his hotel, only to find out that Lindsay and Sam were staying at the same hotel, in the room above his, and that they argued and threw things all night. He says that Lindsay had to pay the hotel $13,000 for all of the damage she caused.

So, do you believe this story? The Dirty traffics in some original and questionably sourced gossip, for sure, and while I side-eye this dude in general, everything he describes seems to be keeping in line with what we’ve heard about Lindsay a million times before. She throws drinks, smashes mirrors, starts fights, does lines, then crack-wails. Rinse and repeat.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet.