Man, these photos sure usher in some fond memories! Back in the day (to be specific, 2008), Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes were super tight with David and Victoria Beckham after Becks joined the LA Galaxy team. It lasted for a few months, and David and Tom appeared to enjoy a cute little bromance. Then Tom inevitably started pushing Scientology, and Posh put the brakes on David opening up the wallet (or so I imagine). As a result, Tom and David broke up, but they’re supposedly still friends, and the door was left open to a degree.

As the luck of the tabloids would have it, there’s been a little bit of debate as to what David Beckham will be doing with his newfound downtime now that he’s officially retired from professional soccer. So the Enquirer decided to make up a story about how Tom’s going to help launch David’s next career …. as the next big thing in action movies.

I know, I know.

Now, David has the body of an action hero, and he does good work with Guy Ritchie (if this butt-clenching commercial is any indication). David also has a load of charisma, which is a prerequisite for any successful action star. However, David also has the voice of (to be kind) a teenage girl. Sadly, that’s where the dream ends. An action hero needs a deep, gruff voice. That’s the only reason why I buy Vin Diesel in any of those dumb Fast and Furious movies. Vin walks around looking pretty ridiculous, and then he opens his mouth, and my pants start to drop. See how that works? Poor David doesn’t stand a chance with that voice, but let’s do this anyway just for laughs:

After hanging up his cleats, soccer superstar David Beckham is hoping to net a big movie career with help from his pal Tom Cruise!

The Enquirer has learned that Cruise once offered to turn the heartthrob athlete into a big-screen action hero — and now that Beckham has announced his retirement from the sporting life, a source says he’s ready for Tom to make good on his promise.

Beckham, 28, has been commuting between his Los Angeles home and Europe to fulfill a five-month socer contract with the Paris Saint-Germain team, but the source says now that it’s over he’ll pursue his lifelong ambition to be an actor.

“David has always wanted to be an action film star, and Tom promised him a long time ago he can make those dreams come true,” revealed an insider. “David still loves soccer but feels he’s gone about as far as he can in the sport and that now is a great time to transition into film while he’s still young enough to land top-notch roles.”

The soccer icon and Mission: Impossible star met several years ago when David’s wife, Spice Girl Victoria, began hanging out at fashion shows with Tom’s then-wife Katie Holmes.

But the couple’s friendship apparently ran into problems. “David and Victoria distanced themselves after Tom began trying to sell them on the idea of Scientology,” said the insider. “But David still kept in touch with Tom and believes he’ll stand by his promise to help him become an action star.

“Who knows? We could see David in Mission: Impossible 5.”

[From Enquirer, print edition, June 3, 2013]

I hope this story isn’t true because, you know, I don’t want to see Goldenballs roaming the streets in a few years like a depressed Katie Holmes did after she realized the reality of Tom’s broken promises. Honestly though, this seems like a story of convenience that has been constructed around the news of Becks’ retirement from kicking balls around a field. Also, there’s no way in hell David could pull off an action-hero reputation while talking in “that voice” of his. They’d have to hire Laura San Giacomo for more voiceover work, wouldn’t they? :rimshot:

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet