Ethan Hawke: ‘The bottom line is our species is not monogamous’

I can’t help it, you guys. I love Ethan Hawke. My love for Ethan has grown through the years. Back when everyone loved him (the ‘90s), I thought he was a douchebag. But in the aughts and teens, I just can’t get enough of him. He’s grown into a very interesting man. So of course I was all over his new Elle interview. Ethan is promoting yet another dumb-looking action film, this one is called Getaway and it features… Selena Gomez. I don’t even care enough to embed the trailer (because it’s awful). But here’s the full Elle interview to make up for it:

ELLE: Do you remember the first girl who paid attention to you?
Ethan Hawke: Who doesn’t? In high school, I was just a guy who could never find his pen. A year later I did Dead Poets Society, and suddenly I was very interesting to girls. Sadly, I spent the bulk of 18 to 25—when I should have been partying my face off and gathering ye rosebuds while ye may—hopelessly insecure.

ELLE: Which felt better: having your first novel published or losing your virginity?
EH: Which felt better? Losing my virginity felt much better. That’s unquestionable.
ELLE: Okay. Which reviews were better?
EH: [Laughs] That’s well said. I remember the reviews for both, and they weren’t all good. I was very, very lucky. I lost my virginity to someone I cared for very much and who cared very much for me. The thing that’s so important for young people to know is that, if you use protection, sex is one of the few vices that you can really enjoy as a young person.

ELLE: You’ve played some incredibly romantic characters. Did women expect you to be that guy?
EH: I can’t tell you how many times in the ’90s I’d meet somebody, we’d be having a nice time, and they’d sigh and go, “This is exactly like Before Sunrise.” And I’d have to get up and leave.
ELLE: Before Midnight is about fighting for romance in your forties. Julie Delpy’s character, Celine, criticizes your character, saying, “You have sex the exact same way every time.” Did you write that line?
EH: What kind of idiot would I be to answer that question?
ELLE: I read it was autobiographical.
EH: [Laughs] The sincere answer to that question is, I’m the most dynamic lover this world has ever seen since Giacomo Casanova.

ELLE: Before Sunset is rare in that we root for the married guy to cheat on his wife.
EH: I was secretly extremely proud of that. [Laughs] It’s one of my great achievements. We live in an absolutely Victorian age. Everybody wants to believe you fall in love and monogamy is no longer an issue. The bottom line is our species is not monogamous. Go talk to a doctor.

ELLE: Before Midnight seems to argue that an affair is okay provided it’s only physical. And you come home. True?
EH: Part of what we love about people are their secrets—their inner life that you can’t touch. Yet once we’re in that close relationship, we want to own them in total. [Laughs] Like Jesse, I refuse to answer. It’s undignified to. But I’ll say this: If Bill Clinton had had a brain, he would’ve pleaded the Fifth. It’s better than lying. Lying is the problem.

ELLE: You were only 27 when you first got married. Did you feel ready?
EH: Success when you’re young is really overwhelming. The world felt out of control. And I wanted to stop it from spinning so fast. I thought marriage would decrease my variables or something. I was absolutely wrong. [Pause] There was this discovery that the male brain isn’t done until 28. I definitely think my frontal lobe was not finished. I had no business taking vows that would last more than two weeks. My personal opinion? The guy who’s got it right is Derek Jeter. He lives his life like, “Hey man, I play shortstop for the New York Yankees. And I’m not going to get married until I’m no longer a shortstop for the New York Yankees.” Which is incredibly smart.

ELLE: Did you share any of this advice with your latest costar, Selena Gomez?
EH: Yeah, but young people always think their problems are so unique. I know I felt that way. Around the time of Reality Bites, I met Debbie Reynolds at a dinner party. And she offered me all of this fantastic advice about, you know, her divorce from Eddie Fisher, and Liz Taylor, and how to separate acting from public life. I remember thinking, What does this lady know right now? The funny thing is, everything she said to me that night was true. If I could have heard her, I would have avoided so many mistakes.

ELLE: You lived at the Chelsea Hotel for a while. Were there some wild nights?
EH: I met Arthur Miller in the hallway. He was with this girl. It was this old guy standing at the elevator with this incredibly beautiful young woman that I was kind of making googly eyes with. Then I realized she was his girlfriend. I thought, Man, s–t. Life is interesting.

ELLE: Other than from Debbie Reynolds, ever receive any particularly valuable advice about women?
EH: My grandfather told me the greatest thing about aging is that, by the time you’re 90, you’re intimidated by no one and attracted to everyone. When you’re 30, you think a 50-year-old woman is—nah. But when you’re 70, a 50-year-old woman is smoking! When you’re 90, a 60-year-old woman is hot.

[From Elle]

Even though I still would hit that in a heartbeat (what is wrong with me?!), I kind of hate him for making this argument: “We live in an absolutely Victorian age. Everybody wants to believe you fall in love and monogamy is no longer an issue. The bottom line is our species is not monogamous. Go talk to a doctor.” I hate when men use the “it’s biology that makes us cheat” excuse. Grow up. YOU talk to a doctor. I think if a man really feels that way – that it’s his biological destiny to be unfaithful and he can’t help himself – then yes, he has no business getting married. At all. Just take yourself out of the equation as far as committed relationships go if that’s how you really feel. But here’s the question: is Ethan basically saying that he screws around on his wife and then tells her “it’s biology”? Douchebag.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

 

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156 Responses to “Ethan Hawke: ‘The bottom line is our species is not monogamous’”

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  1. teehee says:

    An ‘affair’ is only ok when its entirely known and consensual for both married persons. Usually the spouse is mroe offended by the deceit, but can excuse the need for sexual novelty- because we all need or want that. But pretending to not have deceived your partner is not ok, physical or emotional.
    So tell your partner you need something else. They might actually support it, or fix the issue themselves, and if they really arent able to make you happy somehow, perhaps the relationship just cant survive much longer and needs to end fairly— much, much better than destroying it through multiple affairs and lots of lies.

    • LAK says:

      I agree so much with this. It’s always the lies and deceit that are soul destroying.

      It doesn’t mean one would welcome someone who was telling you that they were unsatisfied, but at least the ball is in your court as to what to do about the situation going forward.

    • Ok says:

      My next question would have totally been “so, do you guys have a nanny at home helping with the kids??”

    • Ginger says:

      “Sexual novelty” is indeed the perfect way to describe it. As humans we crave novelty in all aspects of our lives. as for affairs, we also have a conscience and can make a rational decision to commit to one person. I do believe you can create novelty in a commited relationship. ITA that it sounds as if Ethan can’t do this. Fine go ahead and stay single.

    • Zoey says:

      Its not an “affair” if the spouse gives consent. Its an open relationship. Which is far less titillating for the “adventerous” spouse. Half the pleasure isnt the novelty of someone different but rather forbidden nature of the hookup. The lying IS the turn on for most cheats.

      I also find it very hard to believe that many of the men who make this anti-monogamy statement would be willing to let their wives/gfs also have that free pass. There are ofcourse exceptions but generally speaking, this same guy who wants to slut it up because “thats biology” would pull an OJ on his wife if she did the same. Thats probably the reason why someone like Ethan would rather just drop hints in interviews for his significant other than negotiate an open relationship and admit to the public that he, a real man, lets his partner explore her sexual options outside. Because as we all know real men cheat.

      • MaiGirl says:

        Yes. These same men are usually the ones who claim that it’s only men who need to cheat, because they have a biological desire to “spread the seed.” According to them, women don’t have that need, so they don’t cheat, or don’t cheat as often, cuz we want “romance”, not sex. What cracks me up about this is that a lot of women get away with affairs because a fair number of people still think that only men are wired to cheat. You shouldn’t turn your back on your next girlfriend, Ethan!

  2. Tapioca says:

    Dear Ethan – monogamy isn’t forced upon you until you make a commitment to it, which you then break because you’re an A-hole with designs on the nanny. Oh, the cliché!

    Either marry and f*** your wife or don’t marry and f*** whoever the hell you like. It’s not rocket surgery!

    • LAK says:

      I think you’ll find he’s actually said as much. He had ‘no business making vows that wouldn’t last 2wks’

      He is admitting his own bad behaviour, and I don’t think he is bragging about it.

      • Meredith says:

        It sounds to me like he is rationalizing his own behaviour by blaming it on the species. No, Ethan, it was you. I agree people should do what they say they’re going to do : be monogamous with your partner or tell them you want an open relationship. A great read for this is the book “The Ethical Slut”. Not my cup of tea but it does talk about the need for honesty in any relationship.

      • LAK says:

        I don’t think he is making excuses at all. he very specifically states that ‘HE’ had no business making those vows. he goes on to explain that he was insecure, immature and made those vows for all the wrong reasons. It doesn’t excuse what he did, but he is also not saying that it was anyone else’s fault but his own.

        Whilst you read his comments as gender specific, I do not. I think most young people are immature when it comes to relationships. It’s one area of society where waiting until one is older and has more life experience really helps. Of course I am making generalisations here, but I really think people should be mcslutty AND learn to negotiate all kinds of different relationships before they decide what works for them.

      • T.C. says:

        He’s talking out of both sides of his mouth. He says he had no business taking those vows at age 27 but then turns around and makes a general statement that we are not meant to be monogamous at all. That’s just bull. I’ve heard cheaters use that excuse over and over. They try to use science as a justification for cheating. Our specious is also violent by nature but you don’t see every man raping and killing people because of that biology. It’s called self control.

      • Kcaia says:

        LAK, Im with you here. If anything, he has a very deep understanding of life he’s gained through life experience and an individual love for womankind, and he knows his shortcomings and accepts them. Or maybe its bc I love these things about him too, and his beautiful way of expressing himself, and unfortunately, there is something sexxy about a “bad boy” sometimes even when he is a cad. Its like your hormones defeating your brain.

    • *unf* Joan Jett says:

      Or… Marry, f*** your wife, and be in a honest polyamorous relationship, if you and your wife (as well as everybody’s secondary partners) and are into the open marriage thing.

    • Miss Melissa says:

      He is a douche. A self-absorbed douche.

    • Decloo says:

      Ethan is absolutely right. There is nothing in our DNA that supports monogamy. People need to wakeup and realize that all men cheat and many women too. They honestly can’t help themselves. People CAN be happily married and have one or both partners cheat–as long as they are honest about it. Traditional marriage vows are outdated. If a spouse really believes everything in them, she (or he) is in for a rude awakening. Sorry, but this is just a fact of humans.

      • KB says:

        Your argument would be a lot stronger if you didn’t use sweeping generalizations like “all men cheat.” Maybe in your experience, every man you’ve ever known has cheated (which would be really sad, quite frankly), but that still doesn’t mean you know what “all men” do or don’t do. Neither you, nor I have the information necessary to back up statements about the “fact(s) of humans” in regards to their intimate relationships. We’ve just got opinions based on our own experiences and biases.

        Do you know what DNA is and what it determines in humans? Of course it doesn’t support monogamy or one’s inclination to be faithful. It doesn’t support any part of our personalities because they’re not inherited, they’re learned and developed over time.

    • Green Is Good says:

      Applause!

      I wonder if the 2nd wife here is dumb enough to hire a NANNY.

  3. lem says:

    ugh. i had an ex make this argument to me (he later cheated– funny how that works). and my thought was “you’re essentially saying that you cannot control your impulses– so any impulse you have is eventually going to win out, no matter how much you claim you don’t really want to do it.” it’s gross.

  4. carol says:

    I think that some humans are naturally monogamous while other’s are not. Contrary to what the media/society wants you to think, here is a huge range of stuff that people like in bed – some people like BDSM while others like vanilla, while others like… well anything in between. There is a huge spectrum. Claiming that all humans are meant to be non-monogamous is just as dumb as claiming that all humans are supposed to be monogamous. We are all different, and that’s ok.

  5. It'sJustBlanche says:

    He’s never done anything for me but I think there’s an emergent if truth to the monogamy thing. People have to choose to work at it but it not natural for most people I don’t think.

  6. MeowuiRose says:

    No thank you. What a jerk.

  7. Ella says:

    I have to say, I watched Before Midnight, and couldn’t help thinking about him cheating on Uma Thurman. It was a bit distracting.

    He has aged well though!

  8. Cari says:

    There are many couples that have been married, and faithful for years. Just because he can’t be faithful to one person, he does not need to catagorize the entire human race as unable to be monogamous. His wife better be concerned after reading this interview!

    • Vesta says:

      This exactly.
      To me he sounds pseudo-intellectual and juvenile. Like he’s now figured out the final truth about human relationships. And he’s so super cool cause he dares to openly analyze his douchebaggish attitude. YUCK.

    • Jayna says:

      Probably less are completely monogamous than you realize in a very long-term marriage when married young. The chances of even one-time cheating are higher as marriages go through rough patches. Plus, it also depends on does the man travel, giving him many more options and free time and the chance of at least once in the marriage goes way up.

    • Miss Melissa says:

      Oh, but it makes him feel better.

      Because if the entire species is incapable of honoring commitments, then he is off the hook for his douchbaggery.

      “It’s biology, not that I’M an asshole! Don’t you see?”

  9. Amy says:

    Speak for yourself buddy. My husband and I married 16 years ago when we were 22 (a whole lot younger than 27) and we have both always been faithful. Is it always easy? No. But the benefits of a good marriage are worth it. What he’s saying is its hard and therefore impossible. That’s ridiculous. It’s like saying its hard not to overeat therefore we’re all doomed to be fat. I don’t think he’s attractive. I say douche.

    • MonicaQ says:

      I met my husband at fifteen. We’ve dated since 2002, married in 2010, still together now and both of us are content, tyvm. He needs to stop trying to rationalize his behavior that hurts other people.

      Plenty of athletes get married to and at least appear fine on the outside (e.g. Eli Married married his HS sweetheart). So it’s all about who you are and not letting money go to your head.

      And guys stop growing at 24, Doctor Hawke.

      (Not saying that open relationships are bad. If both go into it eyes wide open, no sense in denying it.)

  10. Mitch Buchanan Rocks! says:

    Not sure if Derek Jeter is the greatest role model ….ah maybe they’s got the same STDS.

  11. Kemper says:

    I think he is lazy & looking for excuses for his bad behavior. Relationships take work & respect. I question whether his biological realization is simply selffishness.

  12. Gwen says:

    I find him very attractive but G-d, he sounds like a real jackass here. Yikes :(

  13. lenje says:

    I agree that most species are not monogamous, including human. Te difference is, we are not controlled by our instinct when it comes to mating, and so far it’s the best.

  14. Cazzee says:

    You know what else is completely unnatural for human beings? Using a knife and fork.

    Get over yourself, dude.

  15. Jennifer12 says:

    He sounds like my kindergartener: “But I couldn’t help it!” Yes, you can. Don’t take vows if you don’t want to remain faithful. What are you teaching the many children you’ve fathered?

  16. Hubbahun says:

    King-sized douchewad. Yeuch.

  17. Merman says:

    Awww did some bad people force poor Ethan Hawke into a monogamous relationship??

  18. crummycake says:

    Yuck.
    Mr. Hawke, just because you can’t honor your vows to be faithful, loving and true to your spouse does not mean the rest of the world can’t. What this d-bag is doing, is giving himself (and other sketchy people like him) an excuse to act like gross pigs. This “We aren’t meant to be monogamous” bullsh*t is a cop-out.
    I bet if Uma had been the one to cheat on him, we’d be hearing a much different story. What a slime ball.

  19. smee says:

    The douche is strong in this one.

    He sounds bitter that he foolishly married one of the most beautiful women of the time and then “had” to be faithful to her.

  20. Tessa says:

    You can’t deny he’s a great interview and always has something to say worth at the very least listening to, whether you agree or not. He’s an interesting person in a sea of boring. I always enjoy hearing what Ethan Hawke has to say. And this interviewer did a great job getting some good stuff out of him. Debbie Reynolds and Arthur Miller all in one pop.

  21. the artful dodger says:

    I have a degree in anthropology and can say with absolute certainty that monogomy is not only natural to human behaviour but it was essential to social structure and development. Are all socities based on monogomy? No. Is everyone in a society that values monogamy monogamous? No. But to claim that monogamy is not a natural and integral part to human history and social development is laughable.

    • NM9005 says:

      I find it odd that off all our ‘natural instincts’, sex is the one that we can’t control according to men like Hawke who are known cheaters. Just an excuse in my book.

    • MaiGirl says:

      I love that you brought us some real science. Thank you for that.

    • TrixC says:

      Thank you. I’m a biologist, and it makes me laugh when people who know nothing about science come out with statements like Ethan’s. What is his evidence? The fact that he himself found it difficult to stay faithful? As you say, the evidence rather suggests that monogamy is an important aspect of human culture.

    • Jo 'Mama' Besser says:

      Half these jokers can’t understand why the moon and the sun won’t be in the same room together but they’re frigging PhDs in anthropology, doing research on early human societies and out-Darwining Darwin in evolutionary biology when they want to get off with some random women who aren’t their girlfriends. If you make a deal with a person you don’t ridicule their backwardness with your enlightened cliches for being so simple-minded and demanding to have believed you in the first place. Figure out what you want from people and make your choices because science doesn’t make you less of a jackass if you are one.

    • Jones says:

      Exactly. I don’t understand that sort of mentality AT ALL. Humans are drawn to a lot of behavior that we still wouldn’t call acceptable. I think someone said it upthread, but we’re also inclined towards violence and savagery, and we somehow find a way to curb that. We don’t like working 9 to 5, but we do it. We don’t always like eating healthy but we make the sacrifice. The difference between being able to keep a promise, make a sacrifice, and exercise self-control as opposed to lying, cheating, losing our jobs, going on a killing spree, etc, is the ability to make conscious choices. They’ve found a lot is missing/damaged, psychologically, in a person who chooses to go on a killing spree. I feel the same can be said for someone who makes claims such as these. If you recognize that you can’t keep it in your pants, you literally have no business saying that you will. Some killers are lucid enough to turn themselves in. But cheaters can’t admit that somethings wrong, so they find excuses. It’s all just excuses. If you want out of your relationship, first ask yourself why (it’s introspective and mature to do so), and if it can’t be worked on, respectively end it. It’s not hard to do.

  22. The Wizz says:

    Biologically humans aren’t meant to be monogamous, it’s a choice, and if you make that choice you need to put in effort. There’s nothing wrong with that, but suggesting to people that its natural to be monagomous causes everyone to run into trouble and think their relationship is in trouble when they’re attracted to someone else.

  23. epiphany says:

    The fact that men make millions of sperm everyday is not a biological imperative to distribute them to as many women as possible. The beauty – and burden – of being human is that, unlike other species on the planet, we can rise above our baser impulses and make volitional choices concerning the way we live our lives – like being faithful to one person. I like a number of Ethan’s movies, but it’s obvious the guy’s a tomcat. The whole interview is peppered with references to women, dating, casual sex – he should come with a warning label.

  24. Kiddo says:

    It’s a scientifically proven human imperative for me to be a cheating douche, it’s out of my hands; not my fault. There, I fixed it for him.

  25. Frida_K says:

    He’s really unattractive. I’ve never liked his nasty, wispy, pubic hair-esque facial hair. And now that his face is starting to droop like a dripping candle, he’s that much more off-putting. When he opens his mouth to spout off on his view of monogamy, he becomes just that much more unattractive.

    Uma Thurman was his absolute high point. I can’t believe he treated her so shabbily. Didn’t he run off with the nanny?

    Blech.

    • NM9005 says:

      I’ve never liked his nasty, wispy, pubic hair-esque facial hair.

      And now that his face is starting to droop like a dripping candle, he’s that much more off-putting.

      What are these beautiful sentences?!?! Please bless this world by publishing a book where you give your snarky opinions about celebs. Thank you ;) !

  26. Ann says:

    I’ve never quite understood men who say that. They mostly seem to talk about men screwing around because of their “biological imperative” and all that evolutionary psychology kind of bullshit.

    They seem to be losing their shit, though, when their girlfriends/wives/partners crave variety and want to spread their “seed”. So what gives?

  27. OhDear says:

    Then he needs to find someone who’s ok with an open relationship or stay single instead of making excuses for bad behavior.

  28. fabgrrl says:

    Funny, I’ve only ever heard MEN say that kind of thing. Okay, men, fine. You don’t want to be monogamous, then you don’t get any parental claims. That is the trade-off.

  29. doofus says:

    yeah, I knew this guy (a little bit) in high school. and he’s full of it. even before he was a “movie star” in that fine cinematic journey know as “explorers”, he was a jerky douche.

    and he’s still a douche.

  30. shannon says:

    This had probably already been said but what’s the point in taking vows the second time around if he has no desire to be monogamous? there are couples who have managed to make it work for years w/o taking the vows (hi Kurt and Goldie). Nothing says honoring and cherishing like VD. The “new” wife is a younger version of Uma. I’m sure her replacement is down the road somewhere.

  31. Shw says:

    He may be a douche, but he gave me a cigarette once when I had run out. Unfortunately that’s not a euphemism.

  32. Garvels says:

    So is Ethan trying to justify or rationalize why he cheated on Uma? What a douche. Some men are simply not marriage or relationship material and Ethan is one of them.

  33. Elodie says:

    Talking about rationalizing eh…. Ethan, if only you had owned your bad ways i.e. cheating would have been fine but nah you had to come up with rationalizing it with a theory such as “our species is not monogamous”… er… no dude own your own mistakes but don’t do any rationalized lecturing upon others? Talking about being self indulgent…

  34. Emily C. says:

    At least Ethan is saying it’s the entire species, not just the male of the species. Women “cheat” just as often as men, and are drawn just as much to wanting multiple partners. But being monogamous isn’t against biology either, any more than being straight is. I believe that some people are born polygamous and some are born monogamous (and some are born asexual) and it’s no big deal either way, so long as you’re completely honest with your partners.

    The “go talk to a doctor” line is 100% douchetastic. Is he like Laurell K. Hamilton, who believes monogamous people need to be therapized out of monogamy?

    • bettyrose says:

      ITA. I actually clicked on this thread to see if he pulled that “women just don’t get it” crap. I’ll give him some credit for including women in the species, but humans have always had the ability to evolve beyond our animal instincts.

      • MorticiansDoItDeader says:

        @Emily, Ugh. Laurell K Hamilton is a huge douche and her “literature” is shit-tastic. I follow her on Facebook just to listen to her toot her own horn and act like she’s the sexiest thing ever to walk the earth. Her sycophantic super fans are no help in bringing her back down to earth. So funny she claims monogamy should be trained out of us! She and “Jon” seem to be living a traditionally monogamous relationship!

  35. Kelly says:

    Never have and never will understand how anyone can claim Uma Thurman is beautiful. Good actress, charming, interesting, great body, all yes, But that face is average, downright fugly sometimes, I’m sorry. Just cause she’s blonde, tall and skinny doesn’t mean she’s the pale version of Monica Bellucci or something.

  36. Jaded says:

    Adultery without the permission of your spouse is arrogant, disrespectful and selfish. He’s a deceitful little chicken-shit and characterizing his philandering as natural human behaviour will never redeem him in anyone’s eyes.

  37. aenflex says:

    Our species has evolved to certain degree of monogamy, but that evolution is emotion-based and not biologically-based. And it is voluntary trait.
    But we are dominated by biology.
    I agree with him.
    I’ve cheated, I’ve been cheated on.

  38. lady_luck says:

    Dear Ethan,

    Have fun growing into a miserable LONELY old man all on your own with your bottle of whisky and your hand as your only pleasures that are not charged by the hour !!

    The biology line is so tired and ridiculous, so 1980′s douche-brigade, honey. Back then it was so predictably used by the douchiest of the douchebags, but flash forward to 2013, I’m surprised he went there. Perhaps I had given too much credit. The theory just doesn’t wash. Even an animal has thinking and reasoning powers above pure biological instinct. Reasoning power and morals can be used – even in the animal kingdom. We don’t need to just give into every slight biological urge we have. I guess that’s what sets the evolved from the unevolved, hey ethan ?

    p.s DOUCHEBAG!!!

  39. bettyrose says:

    I fell madly in love at 27 and monogamy terrified me at that age. I dont think I could have managed it for anything less than “the one.” He’s stood by me through flirtations and crushes, but I have never lied to him or snuck around. One CAN practice monogamy while acknowledging our own human desires.

  40. Meanchick says:

    Hello, my name is Ethan and I’m a douchebag, so to look less douchebaggy, I’m going to project my weaknesses onto the entire human race. Lord, knows, if I can’t be faithful, then it wasn’t meant for anyone else either.

  41. Goddess says:

    B*llsh*t. I am part of your so called “species”. Yet I choose to be monogamous in my 4-year relationship. Yes, I fantasize about handsome celebrities and whatnot, but at the end of the day I choose to live in reality and to keep my fantasies locked away in the happy corners of my mind.

    Bottom line is, you’re just a person who’s trying to rationalize your behavior. Sorry for you, psychiatry is one of my subjects. We are who we choose to be.

    We have the ability to choose between our values and our urges.

    Yours truly,
    the daughter of a cheating father and a broken hearted mother

  42. Doreen says:

    The bottomline is he’s an asshole! It’s assholes like him that destroy families.
    Cheating is what low life, dishonest people do. It has nothing to do with our biology. It is mostly psychology!

  43. Cazzee says:

    So…I’m confused. Is this guy divorced again, or is he still married?

    And if he’s still married, are we to assume from his statements that he is in an open relationship now, or that his current wife is a complete doormat?

  44. chloeee says:

    sure, men have a seed that hey might feel the need to spread on some biological level but there are plenty of things I’m sure he would agree he’s not at the mercy of biology that’s when you step up and make sure you’re walking the walk. that’s a lame excuse for cheating.

  45. JenniferJustice says:

    He is not being gender specific when he says “our speceis is not meant to be monogomous.” species is the entire race not males v. females. I agree with those who say he’s not holding himself accountable for whatever indescretions he may have had during his marriage. He’s blaming biology and that’s just lame. I have heard and read psychologists and behaviorists from both sides. We already know those who claim men can’t help it blame their genetic make up. But those who are pro-monogomy say although commitment can be challenging, it is the monogomous couples who are the healthiest and happiest and they aren’t talking open marriage – they’re talking monogomy.

  46. A says:

    I emotionally cheat in my head all the time

  47. Karen81 says:

    At least he is honest. Better then most in that world!

  48. Decloo says:

    MEN ARE INCAPABLE OF BEING FAITHFUL. There I said it! I’m sorry to rain on everyone’s parade but all men cheat. They just do. If I had a dime for every friend of mine who said their husband would never cheat–and he did, I would be loaded. They all do it. Mine did and probably still does. Pay better attention to that guy who is so sweet and so good and so ethical–because he’s not. Just sayin’.

  49. Kellie says:

    Calm down, everyone. Luckily, we’re not dating this toadstool. Glasses up to those of you who remain faithful!

  50. d b says:

    Ah, but he did not say men are not monogamous — he said species, which is true. Under the right circumstances, women will cheat nearly as often as men. On the other hand, I also think humanity’s continual striving to overcome “nature” to be better people, parents, less violent, etc. In short, to be civilized, are a tremendous achievement. That we fail is a given, that we sometimes really do overcome practically a miracle

    • Emma says:

      Biology is the stupidest argumenr everrrrrrr… monogamy is essential for civilised society. Not that every single person needs it but as a majority, yes we do. Otherwise the females get left along to raise all the babies while the men are off impregnating anyone they can but then the men will complain when they have to pay (monetarily) for their actions.
      In hunter gatherer times when people lived in communities and relied on each other for everything, it wouldnt have mattered who fathered which baby as they all shared and looked after one another. We, as humans, have evolved past such an arrangement as our society demands men be responsible for their offspring. Tough titties! If you dont like it, go move to a commune!

  51. Emma says:

    So monogamy is just in our nature. Dying is also a natural part of our biology. Does that mean that we shouldn’t seek medical attention or life-saving treatments because it’s all in vain and why fight nature?

  52. Jarredsgirl says:

    “Go talk to a doctor” LOL what do they know.
    It wasn’t until very recent times that they stopped testing female drugs on men. And many doctors still believe that they can’t spread germs “because they are a doctor”. Plus, most doctors are men so of course they’ll say we are not monogamous. Doctors no longer have the credibility that they used to have, at least in my mind. In terms of monogamy, I believe it’s kind of like carnivore/omnivore. We are capable of both and sometimes we prefer one over the other.

  53. Meg says:

    He uses the ‘it’s biology’ excuse because he doesn’t want to take responsibility for his actions. He’s not an animal. He’s not a neanderthal. He’s a human being. ‘It’s biology’ is cop out. He doesn’t want to look at himself in the mirror. this is like when people hide behind the bible as an excuse to hate others. I’d have much more respect for him if he simply said, ‘monogamy doesn’t work for me. i can only speak for myself, this may not work for others but it works for me.’

    • Jones says:

      Exactly. If we follow every urge, we’re no better than monkeys. No offense to monkeys, I’m sure. ;) There have been a few people in my life I’ve wanted to see harm come to. If I hadn’t curbed that, I’d be in prison right now, unable to write to you fine people. I haven’t always wanted to remain committed and faithful to the many jobs I’ve had. Thus, I was fired from one of them and wasn’t liked at others. Seeing this problem in myself, I started my own business and work my own hours and I’m quite happy now. And yes, like everything else, I’ve occasionally been drawn to a different person outside my marriage, but I choose not to act like a raving fool and ruin my union (or someone else’s) because then I’ll really lose a partner that’s the best thing that ever happened to me, and who outshines me in every way. It can be done. The urges are there, but the mark of an evolved individual is in the choices we make.

  54. Official Bitch says:

    ENJOY the STDs loser. Ethan “Animals aren’t monogamous” Hawke. Hey genius, cats don’t get The Clap.

  55. Official Bitch says:

    This idiot used to live next door to me in NYC with Uma. He looked and smelled like crap every damn day. Uma didn’t look much better, but she was always nice and never smelled like she was coming off a 3 day drunk.

  56. lady_luck says:

    Really ?? Oooh – do dish us some more dirt please!!! :D

    Like many women here, this guy has officially entered my “loathe” radar.

  57. Au de toilet says:

    That’s right monogamy favores intelligent species, like penguins, parrots, dolphins, etc..

  58. Nadine says:

    Thank you for speaking on behalf of the entire human race, O wise Ethan. I choose to be with one man because my guy is amazing and even more to the point: sexually transmitted diseases are gross!

  59. CC says:

    Uggghhh…..if it’s so ok, tell your date “look, I don’t want to be monogamous, are you in or out?”. But going through the standard monogamous courtship up to marriage and then coming out with this crap is BS. It’s like, it’s ok if he cheats but not if his wife does (he didn’t say that, but I have a feeling the double standard applies).

  60. phat girl says:

    Real humans can be monogamous.
    Overpaid, overrated, overstimulated celebrities who are never told that they are as human as the rest of us (and are not smart or aware enough to figure it out) may not be able to, but humans- yes.

  61. KC says:

    He is right. Whether you like it or not.