I don’t really care when people lose their virginity. I’m not about judging women or men about when and how they “lost it”. My first time was awful. My second time was awful. My third time was… well, you get the idea. When I do look back on those experiences, I’m embarrassed for myself and for the dudes. I didn’t know what I was doing and neither did they. I’ve known lots of women (and men) who’ve waited until their late teens and early 20s, and they seem to have a better time of it in general, or at least they have the maturity to not freak out when their first time isn’t all hearts, rainbows, unicorns and Big Os.
So, with all of that being said, is it shocking to learn that Rosario Dawson lost her virginity when she was 20 years old? I’m only surprised because she started acting and modeling when she was so young, and it seems like she was being pushed as “sexy” years before she actually had sex.
Rosario Dawson has no problem getting personal. During a discussion about her 1995 film Kids — the very first film she ever made — the 34-year-old actress revealed what age she lost her virginity in real life.
“I got spotted on the street. I auditioned. I worked on it for four days,” Dawson recalled of the film to HuffPost Live on Tuesday, Oct. 1. At just 15, Dawson acted in the controversial Larry Clark film that centered on New York teenagers (at least one of them knowingly HIV-positive) doing drugs and having unprotected sex. But, as Dawson pointed out, her character Ruby wasn’t someone she could relate to at the time.
“I didn’t even have sex until I was 20,” the 10 Years star admitted. “My mom was a teenage mom, I was deathly afraid of being a teenage mom.”
And as for the film’s uncomfortable sex scenes, it surprisingly didn’t alarm her parents one bit!
“With all the insanity that my character goes through, the only thing they cared about was not smoking,” she joked.
Though the stunning actress didn’t mind sharing her sexual awakening, Dawson would later down the road keep tight-lipped about several of her romances after the mid-90s project. The Chavez star was briefly linked to Joshua Jackson in 2002 and split from French DJ Mathieu Schreyer in 2011 after three years together. She would later date Oscar-winning director Danny Boyle for eight months before splitting in December 2012.
Confession: I never saw Kids. I know, I know. It’s a super-important film and it launched blah blah. Sorry, I never saw it. But I remember the buzz around it and I remember how Rosario was considered the hot new “Indie It Girl”. Whatever. I bet she’s glad she waited until she was 20. Waiting until your 20 is so much better than doing it when you’re a dumb teenager and you don’t know what the hell you’re doing.
Meanwhile, I still wonder what happened between Rosario and Michael Fassbender. Remember that? They dated briefly in March-April of this year, shortly after Michael and Nicole Beharie split up. I guess they just couldn’t find time to be together. Michael seems like a very “love the one you’re with” kind of dude.
Photos of Rosario at the ALMAs last weekend, courtesy of WENN.
I didn’t lose mine until my senior year of college. I never really dated much as I was super shy, which a lot of ppl took for “stuck up,” so the guys I did talk to thought I would never go out w/ them. I found out years later that some of them liked me and I shook my fists at the sky. lol
I guess it was for the best as, OK TMI GUYS, my first time was great. I had read a lot of Karma Sutra and watched a lot of porn in college and self pleasured leading up to it (I was a “freaky virgin.” lol), so it wasn’t super awkward and the guy was more experienced since he wasn’t a bumbling teenager. We dated for a couple of years but I moved out of the country eventually so…
I don’t think I would’ve been able to handle the emotional consequences of sex when I was younger. I did stress myself out a lot at first b/c I felt lame for being a virgin but I learned to embrace it and just wait for the right guy. To each his own I say:)
I didn’t until I was 25, and that only because I … “had to”. I would have waited still longer. I also didnt date and kept to myself and studies, and didnt find anyone interesting or trustworthy enough at that age, to offer that part of myself to. What is a 18 yo jerk gonna offer me?? Not interested.
And even so, now I have only had 2 serious partnerships. Do I care what anyone might falsely assume because of it? Nope. I pity instead the many who jump into it because they think they have to or should, when they aren’t truly ready or will only get hurt. its for each person to decide what they are ready for and what they want.
Edit: my situation is similar except I was also largely motivated to stay away due to my own illness. Lots of hormonal imbalance and serious depression- meant there was no use anyway and I was afraid people would see how depressed I really was etc. I still barely feel much pleasure from it today, sadly, regardless of how much I wish so in my mind. But, I can at least say I’m slightly improving 🙂
@Teehee… well said.
Very well said TeeHee.
I’m 26 and I still haven’t gone through with it.
I was too focussed on my studies and now I’m working to try and secure work in an industry that’s hard to get into. That, and I just haven’t really found anyone remotely interesting that makes me want to commit in that way.
Very well said. I had a similar way of thinking and dealing with it.
Omg @Teehee I felt like I wrote what you wrote lol. I’m 25 now still holding my V-Card for your very reasons, and I feel like maybe I should do it because I’m pushing into my 30s, but I at least want to be in a serious relationship. Which I’m totally not even looking for right now o_O
You are me down to the t!–minus your problems with depression.
I’m eighteen, and I don’t really have any interest in sex, beyond reading explicit novels (romance novels, fanfics, etc). I don’t know if it’s just that I’m asexual or if I’m just not interested in anyone around–but yeah. I also don’t really have any interest in dating anyone–I like to be by myself a lot.
I’d say beyond talking to my family, and my one really close friend that I have (I’m kind of introverted and don’t make friends easily–my one friend now is the only person that I talk to outside of school on a regular basis-period.), the most I intimately interact with people is on this site–I’m such a loser 🙂
But I don’t feel bad about it, and my mom was the same when she was my age.
Love hearing all of this! I was 23 when I lost my virginity (to the man who is now my soon to be husband). It was a really great experience! I was shy and awkward and to be honest, quite ugly as a teenager, so that made me even more shy than I already was. I finally grew out of my “shell” in my early 20s, and then I met my man when I was 22. At that point I had already decided that I was only going to have sex with someone I truly was attracted to and cared about and knew he cared about me. I wasn’t expecting love etc (but luckily that did happen for us!). So overall, my first time was really wonderful. I know this doesn’t happen for everyone. But I always say, wait for someone who you know is going to respect you, and who you respect as well.
For you ladies who are saying you don’t have much interest in sex. That is okay! Everyone has different sex drives and it’s nothing to be ashamed about. My advice is (yes, I’m going to give it lol), is that if you are interested in exploring your sexuality, buy a vibrator if you want more than just your fingers. It sounds corny, but you have to please yourself before you can ever expect another person to please you. A rabbit is a great piece of equipment – the kind with the little vibrating rabbit attached to it – ;).
@ Virinia C. You have great insight for your age. I posted downthread that I did it at 19. I dated a lot in my 20’s and early 30’s. Now that I just hit 40 I realize what a truly solitary person I am. For so long I thought I needed a man & a tons of friends around me to feel & seem “normal”. I was miserable. Had I stayed true to myself, I would have made better grades & better choices in mates & not taken it all so seriously. I love hanging out with myself, i can play the same Pixies album over & over again, not shave my legs for a few weeks, watch every Alan Rickman movie ever made, read Celebitchy comments out loud etc. I’m fun as hell, just like my fellow Celebitches!
@teehee – My experience is almost *exactly* like yours in every way. I’m 27, & haven’t.
I know I’ve talked about this here before (to wonderful support from the other ladies here, I SO appreciated it, since I find this embarrassing & shameful), but I suffer from severe depression, & have basically been a complete shut-in since highschool. I’ve never had a job, never been asked out on a date or gone on one (partially because I’m very shy around guys, & partially because I was just never around many people, staying at home so much). My shyness is often taken as ‘stuck up’ or disinterested. But it still really hurts your self esteem, thinking something might be wrong or unattractive about you.
I hate that I’ve spent so many years doing absolutely nothing, no life experiences or even college. Ugh, it really hurts to admit it. For me, it was never about not wanting to sleep w/someone before marriage, or whatever, but I did want to wait for someone I cared about (who cared about me). Our situations are a bit different, but I can still feel your pain on some of it. It can get pretty lonely, especially when a lot of your highschool friends are either married, have children, graduated from college (or in the process of) or date pretty regularly.
I don’t have a clue how to have a relationship, which makes me want to pull back from it…Anxiety x_x
31 here and i did it as “i had too”…late bloomer here…the funny thing is that EVERYBODY thought i had it donne way before that.Even my friends use to think i was the first.
It was ugly.I almost I forced the poor guy to do it. He didn’t knew was a virgin. When he found out he freaked and refused to do it again with me as a way of respect.Later he changed his mind but i had already moved on. Now after 2 years still waiting for “the right guy” not having sex around. Not a prude just learned my lesson (late in time). Meanwhile….making myself happy and going out with guys to get to know them….happy here
@ Virgilia C: Funnily enough, I was just talking about being an introvert at a Happy Hour with a friend! I’m a textbook introvert.
I wrote about this on another thread (one about getting married) but I’m 34, single for the past 6-7 years, and I have a pretty happy life. I’m not looking for a romantic relationship- I really love my solitary evenings alone, taking long walks with my headphones, daydreaming, cuddling with my cats, watching tv/movies, and of course reading and commenting on gossip sites! Unfortunately our social mores are set by extroverts, so people who enjoy being alone, who have one or two close friends and can be perfectly content to leave work at 5:00pm on Friday and not socialize with another person until 9:00am on Monday are seen as “sad” or “lonely” or “pitiable” rather than people who find social interactions energy-sapping.
I was a freaky virgin too! I lost my virginity to my boyfriend (we’re still together now) when I was 16. We were both inexperienced and I was kind of shy the first time, but by the third time we had sex, I started making use of the “skills” that I learn from watching porn.
And he thought I was just a fast learner lol
I lost mine at 19 and at the time I thought that was OLD. This is because I was raised in a conservative Caribbean culture and by an ULTRA conservative mother who made sex a shameful thing, for them sex can only leads to 2 things: AIDS and unwanted pregnancy. Girls are encourage to be “respectful” and not have sex, you didn’t want the whole neighborhood talking about you. But once I reach 18/19, I was like screw them all and their rules, I started partying and having sex, I felt like such a rebel lol.
I also thought I was old when I lost it at 19. All my close friends were 14 or 15 when they did it. I’m glad I waited though, until I could be with someone I really trusted.
Did it when I was 19 as well. The last of my friends to do so. I just wanted to get on with it. However I wish I could tell my young self that it’s so not a big deal & not to care what everyone else was doing. Plus he was a recent Ivy League grad so I thought “at least he’s smart!” Broke up with me a
week later. At least I never had to see him again. Youth is wasted on the young as the saying goes. Ugh!
I was almost 23 and I’ve only been with my husband.
No regrets. Glad I waited for someone I wouldn’t regret. We’ve been together almost 5 years and just had a baby. And the sex is great 🙂
It’s nice to hear everyone’s story, and especially wonderful to hear nothing but acceptance here. I’ve heard a lot of virgin shaming the last decade or so. Maybe it’s a reaction against the slut shaming but it makes me uncomfortable. When the story came out that Kim K had sex at 14, those commenting she was too young were pretty much mocked.
Hakura –
I was a lot like you when I was younger. I wasn’t a shut in, but it was tempting at times. I’m sure you’re getting therapy – but if you aren’t, please consider it. It won’t get any easier, in fact, for me some habits have become so deeply ingrained I feel like I can’t change them. I’ve been surrounded by loved ones who unintentionally enable the behavior, you may have a similar situation. I guess what I’m trying to say is, if I could go back to your age, I would fight a lot harder against those impulses. At my age, I still often use the excuse – ok, I’ll start trying tomorrow, I just can’t handle it today. That has gone on for almost a decade, and it becomes less likely as time goes by. I wish you luck, you certainly aren’t alone or a freak (what I’ve called myself at times). While the internet is an outlet that allows non social people to connect with others, I think it also compounds the problem because that need to connect can also force you out into society.
This is not the truth. I used to rent space in her mums place in NYC .
Go on….
My roommate at the time said she slept with her boyfriend. Around the time of kids. I wasn’t loving there at the time – I was shocked because she was so young. Her parents were splitting at the time though.
Pictures or it didn’t happen. (jk) lol – More details please? How do you know she lost it back then just because you were a neighbor? Or are you implying something steamy happened with you personally?
…You rented an apartment in the same building as her mother, and therefore you know when she lost her virginity? That’s a close neighbourhood.
See above/ we rented her place and they moved downstairs. Then they moved to Texas
Unless your boyfriend was in the room while she and her boyfriend were having sex, how would he know? I would she lie about when she had sex? She’s 34 years old…there’s nothing she could gain from lying about that.
Note by Celebitchy: banned multiple nicks
Suuuure you did.
Even if you did, unless your source witnessed his penis enter her vagina you cant claim to know when she lost her virginity.
Your twenties is the best age to lose it, IMHO. Most girls I know lost it in their twenties. I don’t see why people make it a big deal, like, “omg you didn’t lose it in high school? Why?” The opportunity is always there, but putting yourself first and realizing the quality of the sex at that age is not enough to risk a teen pregnancy is the best choice. It’s when you’re at your most fertile! Your body wants to have that baby!! D:
Although guys in my generation were nicer. I’d be TERRIFIED to be a teenager today, thinking about losing it. Guys are horrible today. And with social media? Yikes.
I was at a McDonalds after a night of partying (winning, I know) and these teen guys were talking about EVERYTHING. The guys that only sleep with drunk girls because that’s the only thing they can get, the girls that don’t drink too much (“she’s very controlled”), the girls that sleep around (“12 guys in two months!!”, “she’s a slut”)… Men can gossip hard too. They were talking about all the girls they know and they know a lot about their sex lives. It kinda freaked me out, tbh. Reminded me when I was a teen and I overheard my friends, who didn’t know that I was near, saying how they couldn’t respect girls who gave BJs.
I don’t think there is any “right” or “wrong” time to lose it. It’s up to the individual and his or her circumstances and values. And you know, there are some people that NEVER have sex, like the great inventor Nikolai Tesla, who died a virgin.
you said everything I wanted to say! Shoutout to all the previous freaky virgins out there! Lol
I saw Kids and it depressed the hell out of me.. I was 17 and just wanted to get it over with, which was the wrong attitude. It was awful and something I’ll always regret.
Me too!! The movie made me feel grimy- but happy I am who I am and lived where I did. I felt like I needed to shower after I finished watching it.
I was 18 with a serious boyfriend, so it was good…no regrets. My mom is a hilarious liberal woman, so when I was about 15 she said, “guys take it wherever they can get it…so be careful and choosy…” And I never forgot that!
Cool mom, the only thing mine said to me was “I’ll know when you do it” she said there would be a change in demeanor and she’d be able to tell, it freaked me out for years.
@blue marie…my mom was the same way. All she said was “don’t have sex”.
My mom just recently said this to me “Guys are like stray dogs. They’ll sniff around until they find one hot enough, hit it a time or two, and then you’re just a bitch like the rest of them”.
When my mom dated, she wouldn’t sleep with any of the guys that were interested in her for at least six months. She had a few that were interested in her, that were happy to date her, bring her out, etc—but she said after a few months with her not giving anything up–she saw the real person that they were.
She said generally around the six month mark was when they’d pretty much say they just wanted her for sex and she’d say see ya! And she’s had a lot of guys tell her that she is nothing with out them, how much they do for her (when they’ve done NOTHING), etc.
I think that’s something I’d be following–I’m not someone who can just go out and jump into sex with anyone.
I felt that way, too. It was a very disturbing movie.
I don’t know what people make a big deal of losing their virginity at young age. I’m 23 and still a virgin. I don’t want to lose just because everybody is doing it. I have never gone beyond making out and my boyfriend understands it… has never put any pressure. We are waiting for our wedding night. 🙂
Good for you, as long as you’re happy about it, why not?
It’s a VERY different situation here in Malaysia, though. People would look down on girls who lose their virginity early (early as in in their teens). Even our government are constantly discouraging any kind of sexual activities among the youth and they’re sort of in denial about how sexually-active our teens actually are.
Instead of teaching us how to make use of contraceptive pills and condoms, they expect us to be abstinent. One time, someone proposed for sex education to be taught in schools but of course, the government turned it down. This kind of mentality leads to lots of unwanted pregnancy, and girls who got knocked up would often be expelled from school and sent to “rehab”. Abortion is illegal here, and very few clinics would do it..
Very interesting. Are teen moms ostracised? I work with teen moms and for some of them its “normal” to have a child in their teens, even two. In the U.S., that’s the biggest indicator of poverty for females– giving birth to more than one child under the age of eighteen. For males, its dropping out of high school.
@phillykatt It depends on which part of Malaysia it is. In Peninsular Malaysia, the Muslims are the majority, so they tend to be harsher towards girls who got knocked up in their teens. They will be shamed by all the name-calling, and even their own parents would disown them. This had somehow led to baby-dumping. It’s worse than just abandoning the baby at someone’s doorstep.
Every month, there will be reports of dead babies found in the trash, rivers, toilets.. It’s devastating.
In East Malaysia, it’s either a) the girl drops out from school, give birth to the baby and let someone else adopt him/her and then continue with her studies in a different school or b) marries the baby-daddy (the marriage isn’t official, obviously, it’s more like an engagement but when she’s old enough, they’ll make it official) and never return to school again.
I’m confused…is 20 a late age to lose your virginity? It’s not early…but it’s well within the normal range. Losing it in high school sounds terrible…no one I know who did would recommend it.
My bf lost hers at prom and she said it was awful. I always felt bad for her that it went the way it did because she had such romantic ideals and the whole thing sort of shattered that for her.
Frankly I made a very conscious decision to lose mine when I was 18. But even at that young age I knew that I was looking for just the right guy to have sex for sex’s sake – no strings attached but who valued my first time enough to not be an awkward clod about it. So I chose someone almost twice my age! He was sexy, experienced, sweet and appreciative as well as mature enough not to lose his marbles when I eventually stopped visiting. Comparing stories with friends, I know that I had such an ideal first time.
This! (the prom horror story bit). I had so many friends lose it on prom night and tell me how absolutely horrific it was (usually when they were both virgins) that it put me off for a while. Also some of my friends started young and just ended up sleeping around a lot, they never seemed happy about being sexually active and got their hearts broken a lot. I always dated, but weirdly the guys I dated didn’t pressure me. Plus I was a theatre geek in h.s. so I mostly hung around gay guys. By the time I did lose it at the ripe old age of 21, I was a bit more prepared I think. That said I kind of regret even that experience, it wasn’t horrible, but it wasn’t perfect or the perfect guy either. I have a friend who was 30 and a virgin, I think she did feel stigmatized and regret it not happening sooner. I really am going to sound like an old lady here but I think anything under 18 is too young to have any concept of who you are or enough self worth to know you are doing it for the right reasons/not peer pressure.
I saw KIDS when it came out, one of the single most disturbing/unpleasant films ever. I can totally see why anyone acting in it would be put off sex, I can imagine that maybe played a part for Rosario, along with her young single mom. I too had a single mom (not super young,parents split when I was 13) by the time I was a teenager, and I do think that also influenced me, I never wanted to disappoint her in any way, you just have a different feeling towards a parent who is your sole provider than a more traditional setup I think.
was 20 my first time. Have only been w/ 2 people in my life, my ex spouse (unfortunately) & last the love of my life my hubby of 17 yrs:).
I lost it with my boyfriend (later my husband) when I was 20 and the first time was blah. I remember thinking, is this all? Took me a few more times to really get into it.
I guess I’m a nerd and a prude, but 20 is not a really late age to lose your virginity. I didn’t have my first kiss until I was 18. Looking back, I have no regrets that I wasn’t sexually active in high school. It would have been a horrible experience, and since I went to a small high school where everyone gossips, everyone would have known details of my sex life if I had done it with one of the jerks in my class. It doesn’t matter if you are 20 or 30 when you lose it. What matter is that you respect yourself and you find someone who also respects you and wants to satisfy you, not just himself. I know I would never gain any pleasure from casual sex. If he is a nice guy, he won’t judge you if you are an older virgin. If anything, he should respect you more for not sleeping around.
Agree!
I just turned 26 and still a virgin. Also, I never had a boyfriend although there are guys who approach me. I still have to meet the one who would really make me throw my panties out of the window and let me apply to him all the freaky things this virgin have learned via watching porn or downloading kama sutra apps! Also, I just don’t want to give them false hope since I don’t want to break their hearts.
For me, since I’m a full time employee and a grad student, I will just wait for the right time and the right guy. I might lose it in the next 8 months or during my wedding night, nobody knows. The point is, as long as a person have safe sex and she gives it willingly with no pressure from him or “friends”, then everything is good.
I’m in the same situation! I’ll be 21 tomorrow and I’m just waiting for that right person. I get approached as well and my friends don’t understand why I haven’t ever had a bf. I’m shy when it comes to guys I like and I tend to shut down and maybe become a bit aloof. It’s something I need to work on =/ But it’s all good 🙂 I don’t mind waiting!
I am glad to read that many people are much smarter than I was and have not had sex for the wrong reasons. I was a virgin at 26 and felt I had to “prove” I was straight and normal. So I had sex with a guy I was not attracted to.
It was so awful I now have to overcome a terrible squick about sex. If I had it to do over, I would not have done it.
That’s my fear. I’m 25 and still virgin, and I feel like sex is something I “have to do before the 30s”.
It’s great if you choose to wait, if you’re ready at an early age, that’s fine too.
I was a teen and wanted to get it over with.
No regrets (it sucked but we were both youngsters), the great thing, he and I are still friends to this day.
Do what works for you.
Same thing here – I was 17 and I just thought, let me get it over with. There’s no right or wrong age provided it’s between consenting adults (17 is legal in England). I don’t regret it at all – it was with someone I loved, and though it wasn’t the greatest experience physically, at least it was done, the pressure was off, and we could improve on it afterwards.
Personally I found it very oppressive to regard my virginity as some sort of precious object to be bestowed on the right person, and if I picked the wrong guy or the wrong time or it went badly and it wasn’t all roses and rainbows, then somehow it was wasted – nah. I wanted to get rid of it! (This is not to disparage the people who DO wait. I’m just saying, different strokes. Literally. Do whatever works for you.)
I’ve always thought the idea of virginity is kind of nonsensical anyway – like, okay, fine, so you’ve had a penis in there. So what? Like that’s the be-all and end-all of sex! Someone could be a virgin, technically, until they’re fifty years old, and still be getting their rocks off in a hundred other ways. There should be a ticksheet for all the virginities you discard in your lifetime. First orgasm, first time giving oral, first time receiving same, first time…well, I could go on…! 😀
+1! I loathe the idea that you can screw up your virginity if you pick the wrong guy, it doesn’t go ridiculously perfect, you feel awkward, blah. I also hate that it’s something you can lose or give away. It’s not a physical object ffs! It’s just another thing women are judged by. Whether you have it or not, whether you were too young or old, whether if was fun or not… Ugh. No one seems to care about MEN losing theirs, and a bunch of guys I know lost it at 12 or YOUNGER. Whereas if a girl does it, she’s ruined forever and was far too young.
That is a really interesting way to look at it! Virginity really has become some kind of great myth/symbol that we’ve built up.
I don’t think anyone is saying 20 is late in general, Dawson was just saying people would be surprised she waited that long and think it was that late for her because of her early start in the business and because of the image that was put out through “Kids.”
I was 15, and it was fine. Not actually orgasmic (orgasm via penetration took me a few years, and a few different boys, to discover), but still enjoyable.
My boyfriend was older (21), and – looking back – I can really appreciate the fact that there was no pressure … we went as far as I wanted, when I wanted, and if I wanted to stop or pull back a stage, then that was fine too. I doubt a horny teenage boy could’ve been quite so selfless.
I was 16 and my experience was much the same. I wouldn’t say earth-shattering but jolly cheerful nonetheless. I was in like, not in love. Everything went swimmingly and improved as time went on.
But then – I didn’t see virginity as any kind of issue: not a problem and not a precious gift either. I was going out with a nice, decent guy and I liked him. He liked me. And I thought it might be nice. By and large, it was. Funny, too!
There is no “wow that’s old”, there is definitely a “wow that’s too young” when it comes to virginity. But all I can think when I see quotes like this is “WHY do stars offer up this info in public?!” If I were giving interviews all I could think about is that my Dad, grandmother, and various aunts will read it. Some things I don’t want to share with them!
I’m going to have to agree with you. There’s definitely a too young to lose your virginity age. Didn’t Kim Kardashian say she lost hers at 14? That is just ridiculous and wrong. You’re still a kid at that age! Going through puberty and your hormones are all crazy – NO ONE can make a sound judgement at that age, especially when it comes to sex.
I’m 22 and still a virgin. I’m not gonna lie, I feel like people look down on people that are virgins in there twenty’s or thirty. Like eww your still a virgin, or you’re supposed to be ashamed of being a virgin.
That’s nothing to be ashamed of!! If anyone looks down at you about something like that- well- they’re an idiot.
I’m 24 and still a virgin. Looks like it’s going to stay that way for a while too. I’m in no rush. I’m not in a relationship at the moment. There is no need to stress over it. The way I see it is when it happens, it happens. I’m in law school anyway, might as well concentrate on studying…
Women can’t win my dears. If or once you’ve had a few partners you’ll be side-eyed for being slutty. It’s the usual nonsense. I know one girl who is a virgin at 30 and she has my respect because it’s the right choice for her. Anyone who would give you a hard time is just insecure about their own sexual choices and deserve only your pity.
Please do not be ashamed. In the past, i have been very ashamed of how/why I gave up my virginity, and wished I had held onto it longer.
Your life will unfold as it should.
Best wishes to all of you!
Well, I’ll be damned, I didn’t even realize that Rosario was in that movie. But I’ve only watched Kids once and that was when it first came out. I wonder if that movie had anything to do with why she waited to have sex? I remember that movie scaring the hell outta me! I was a few weeks shy of 19 when I first had sex. And it was with who is now my husband. He’s the only person I’ve ever been with. I guess sometimes I regret not having more “experiences”. It wasn’t my plan for things to go that way, that’s just how it worked out!
I saw Kids and it was extremely depressing. I wish I had never seen it for the rape scene. Wish I could un-see that.
I lost mine at 20. I went to a really small school prior to college (19 kids in my graduating class, and we’d all known each other since elementary school- dating those guys felt almost incestuous). When I got to college, I figured I would wait until I was in love, and that didn’t happen until the fall of my junior year. It was nice- it obviously got better over the course of our 3 years together, but the first time was sweet and loving and fun.
I am in my late 30’s and haven’t had sex. I fooled around extensively but not indiscriminately in college. Hwvr, sex is extremely personal to me and I never met someone I trusted that much. Now, I am a bit antisocial, but I would rather be a “freaky virgin” then be with someone for the wrong reasons. To each her own.
I lost mine at a late age. (Think of the movie for the exact year.) I now wish I had lost it early and done it until I wore it down to a nub. I missed out on a lot of good sex at a time when I could do it five times a day.
I was 15 when I lost it to a boy, and my parents know about it… because there was a condom fumble and I needed to see an obgyn for the then-not-talked-about Plan B. At first I told my mom it had happened to “a friend” and said I was “asking for advice for her” but I was so anxious that she saw right through it. My parents took it in stride and got me the medical care I needed. I’m very, very fortunate to have parents who value a woman’s right to healthcare options.
I’ve always enjoyed sex, but I throw no shade at women who would rather wait.
I was 23 and I was freaked out because I thought I was a social anomaly, but I’m realising it’s a lot more common (for girls to lose their virginity in their twenties) than I thought. I’m glad I waited – teenage boys and young men who are clueless? No thanks. I don’t think I’ve missed out.
I’m in my twenties and a virgin. Some may find it weird but it’s my choice and that’s how I see it. When I approached 19-20 all my friends were panicking and feeling like they had to lose their virginity to avoid being ‘freaks’. Now, those friends regret sleeping with a guy they didn’t even like just to lose it. I am waiting for the right person and when the time feels right… hasn’t happened yet. I’m relieved to read other posts on here and see that other people are in the same boat as me. 🙂
I was 21, and was so embarrassed of being a virgin I didn’t tell the guy… Horrible life choice. Not surprisingly it was awful, painful, and rather traumatic. To add to that, the “gentleman” asked me to leave and drive myself home shortly afterwards. I don’t judge anyone regarding their age when they choose to have sex, but I applaud anyone who waits until they are truly comfortable and feel respected.
I’m sorry your first time was so awful, Lily :(. What a punk he was.
I was 22 when I lost my virginity. Like you, I was really embarrassed that I was still a virgin. I was the very last of my friends to lose theirs, and growing up my friends and I assumed I would be the one to lose it first (since I had very liberal ideas about sex and relationships at the time– all talk). It didn’t have anything to do with guys not being interested, as I grew up getting a lot of male attention… but I had a childhood trauma that happened when I was 6 or 7 (the older boy was 14). That trauma, which follows me today, led to me being a walking contradiction: I was emotionally reserved and really shy, although I could also be really extroverted and the life of a party. I felt dirty and unworthy of love, and grew up believing(and continue to believe) that no one can ever really love me… but I was also the girl going around rah-rah-rahing her friends about how nobody should ever settle, that we’re all awesome and worthy of love and respect, etc. I felt intimidated and intensely uncomfortable with all the catcalling and male attention, but also felt ugly and insecure when I didn’t get it… what a mess. I’m still messed up from all of that, and at 27 have never had a serious relationship because I shy away or cut men out of my life when they start to get too close or attached.
So when I was 22 I just wanted to get it over with. I was incredibly drunk after a night of being plied with drink after drink after drink, and was surprised when it started happening. I was too embarrassed to tell him I was a virgin, so he had no idea he was my first. Did I regret it? I didn’t, even though the guy ended up being a douchebag. I was relieved to kind of “get it out of the way”.
I also have a crazy story of a guy who chased me around his apartment thinking (in his warped mind) that I was “playing hard to get”… while I was hysterical, on the verge of tears, and trying to escape (he had set all the locks on the inside; so when I would get to the door and try to open them all he would catch up).
I think there are ALOT more women who have waited until adulthood. It just isn’t commonly discussed and some think it isn’t feminist. Personally, I consider it feminist to decide what is right for yourself instead of letting society/peers/media push you one way or another.
Who are the “some” who think it’s not feminist to wait until whenever you want to have sex? Feminism is about choice, especially choosing what you want to do with your own body, and being able to understand and value your own sexuality is a huge part of that. It is entirely feminist to have sex when you are 100% ready and not one second before. Or not have sex at all if you choose.
I’m almost 27 and I haven’t even been kissed yet. I don’t really put myself out there. But also, guys never really seem to be interested in me. Oh well. I’m not in a huge rush for sex yet.
Same. Almost 24 and never been kissed. I went to an all girls school for most of my life
I hate the idea that virginity is a thing and it’s something one “loses”. You’ve had sex or you’ve not have sex. You’ve gained experience and lost nothing, assuming the sex was entirely consensual.
This is interesting. That so many either waited, or are still waiting. Hopefully, you are all ok with that choice.
As a guy, however, I don’t understand it. We are programed to want to have sex. I remember back to being 14, and being the only male virgin among my group of friends. I took care of it at that age. Still sort of friendly with the girl, 30 yrs later.
Trust me Sean, as a woman who waited until I was 21 (I’m 28 now) it wasn’t because I didn’t have a strong desire for it. I’ve always been a very sexual individual. That said, I think the pressure surrounding women, especially about their “first” as well as how many people she chooses to be intimate with, is different than the pressure men experience. Women are given conflicting messages about the importance of “purity” and not being a “slut”. They are simultaneously bombarded with images of highly sexualized porn star-esque females and are told THAT is what’s desirable. In addition we are sold this fake story that out “first” is supposed to be magical… With fireworks, rose petals and candles… To sum it up, a woman cant escape some form of negative judgement and often shame no matter what her sexual choices are.
We have more at stake (pregnancy or an abortion), our reputations (women will always be judged more harshly than men for sleeping around), and women tend to be more emotionally connected to someone when having sex. That is why men are much more likely to hire prostitutes than women. That said, I still think 14 is way to young for anyone to have sex and appreciate the importance of that milestone in someone’s life. I think waiting until at least college to have sex is a good idea for both boys and girls. I don’t think it is fair for boys to be pressured into having sex to prove their masculinity either. The world would be a better place and we’d have fewer unwanted children in abusive or adoption homes if people waited to have safe sex.
I love this! I was nineteen and it was a planned event with an ex-boyfriend. It wasn’t horrible. My mom’s advice to me was to tell me that “men have more turn on switches than a 747” which to this day cracks me up.