Amber Heard covers Jalouse as ‘Johnny Depp’s girlfriend’: obnoxious?

Amber Heard

Amber Heard covers the February issue of French magazine Jalouse. The timing on this magazine cover couldn’t be more rotten for Vanessa Paradis. Even though Vanessa harbors no ill will for Johnny and Amber, I’m sure it won’t be easy to see Amber’s smug mug on French newsstands this month. This issue hits stands almost immediately after the fateful engagement was announced. You may notice the headline refers to Amber as the “girlfriend of Johnny Depp” because magazines don’t have the quick turnaround time that us gossip blogs do. Muhahahha.

I’ve been trying to get inside Amber’s head since the big announcement. From my POV, it wouldn’t bother me at all to find an insanely rich, A-list guy like Johnny Depp. That would mean instant financial security, and I can’t blame Amber for hopping on that. I’d like to think that I’d also continue working like she will probably do. What would bother me is the notion that better jobs and roles would come my way simply because of a husband. The media is much more interested in Amber now that she might (and I say “might”) become Mrs. Depp. Time and Parade have published “5 things to know” type lists, and that’s only the beginning. Will this translate into better roles for Amber one day? I think Katie Holmes knows the answer to that question.

What I’d really like to talk about is this Jalouse shoot. The cover is gorgeous. The editorial? That’s a whole other ballgame. Why does she want to look like a blow-up doll? She is intentionally making over-the-top, open-mouthed faces. This isn’t a case of a photographer asking her to relax her jaw. This is full-on beej mode. Is this what makes Amber such a free spirit? She looks like a sex doll. Not an artist.


Photos courtesy of Jalouse

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86 Responses to “Amber Heard covers Jalouse as ‘Johnny Depp’s girlfriend’: obnoxious?”

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  1. Nerd Alert says:

    The only thing I find obnoxious is that her claim to fame is being Johnny Depp’s girlfriend. I’m really sick of that being a title: being so-and-so’s woman. That’s just me.

    I doubt she finds it as obnoxious as I do, though.

    • Liv says:

      Oh, she wouldn’t say that her claim to fame is being his girlfriend. She probably thinks she’s a serious actress and just happened to meet Depp.

    • BettyBlue says:

      I also find it obnoxious. But all the more so since he is the one who appears to be pathetically whipped. One would think that someone who paints himself as a deep actor who values his craft would want to be associated with someone who could really act. It’s not that I hate amber, she leaves me unaffected. I’m dismayed that this whole relationship has exposed Depp ‘s ‘serious actor’ schtick as borderline fraudulent. And maybe I’m a little annoyed at myself for having bought into the whole “Johnny’s different” bit. He’s just as shallow as Clooney.

      If he’d shacked up w a Swinton or even someone young but with Mulligan acting chops I doubt the relationship wd be the recipient of such an epic number of eye-rolls.

      • Nerd Alert says:

        “If he’d shacked up w a Swinton or even someone young but with Mulligan acting chops I doubt the relationship wd be the recipient of such an epic number of eye-rolls.”

        I think you’re right, BettyBlue, but I also think he made an oopsie and fell in [Hollywood] love with Amber. People like to think of him as way too cool/artsy/mature for the likes of her, but you can’t help who you love. You CAN help who you sign a prenup with, though…

      • MaiGirl says:

        It is obnoxious, and if he weren’t such an old fool, I would feel sorry for him, but he should know better. Amber is as thirsty as they come–I mean, just LOOK at her!–and that photo shoot looks like stills from one of those “how to” sex videos. I find it disturbing that she was willing to go there for a shoot when it’s undignified, unnecessary, and creepy as hell. Bitch crazy! And yes, Johnny would have gotten away with dating a younger woman who had talent and something going for her. I wouldn’t love the age difference, but at least I could see a reason for him to be with someone like Carey besides the silly cliche.

      • TheOriginalKitten says:

        @Bettyblue-you summarized my feelings about Depp exactly.

        I feel like his prior loves were always beautiful, but in a unique way, and also talented and career-focused in their own right(s).
        I’m just not sure that Amber fits the mold, but maybe that’s why he likes her?

        Eh, I’m not wholly invested in hating her, but I’m having trouble warming to her. Mostly, I just think Depp is kind of sad and gross..

      • jj says:

        “deep actor”

        LOL, more like wanna be phoney artistic matinee idol for the masses. He would look like a joke next to real actors like PSH or Bardem (which he did). Depp is a mediocre actor at best. These days he isn’t even trying.

      • Miffy says:

        I got starry eyed with all the what-ifs of a Depp-Swinton love affair. My God that would have been spectacular. The sex tape would have been phenomenal, probably with lots of incense (and scarves) and some kind of exotic fauna strutting around Bauhaus inspired interiors.

        She’d probably have eaten him alive, of course, but oh lord, they’d have been my Wills and Kate.

      • Yo says:

        Why he would care about her talent as an actress?? He is her boyfriend not her agent!!

      • Mandy says:

        @jj Lol, Depp has a much longer and more successful career than the actors you mentioned and he is down as of one of the greats in “The Real World”. He held his own amazingly well with actors like Marlon Brando, Al Pacino, Dustin Hoffman. His performance looks great in the Transcendence trailer so I’d say that he is trying!

      • lis says:

        Miffy! You’re comment is fantastic!

  2. Kiddo says:

    That is some godawful photography and editing. Was it done at Walmart or Target?

  3. Dawn says:

    She has really great eyes. Fame appears to be the reason she is in this relationship and if this is her only way to get it well I guess she nailed it. Let’s face she has a beautiful face and great body but she is not that good of an actress. If she is smart she will have a kid with him before she leaves him and she will leave him.

  4. lunchcoma says:

    If she doesn’t keep working, she’s an idiot. Johnny Depp has been engaged 5 or 6 times and only married once.

  5. Jegede says:

    She was only known as a shite actress with the inane abilty to star in flop TV shows and movies.
    (other actresses who were delcared ‘The One’ at least had hit TV shows or films to their names)

    Amber’s non stop staging of billions of pap shots and declaring her bisexuality did diddly.

    Since Depp we’ve had covers of FLARE, Cosmo. edits in Harpers Bazzar, Interview and now this.
    Wonder if Johhny could get her an invite to the Oscars or would the capet expolde?

  6. Auds says:

    I used to adore Johnny. Somehow his relationship with her has been a total lady-boner killer for me.

    From the outside, she just seems super manipulative and phony. Pretty face though.

  7. bns says:

    She’s so dull and basic to me. In looks and personality.

    And by reading some of her interviews it’s so obvious that she’s just another Angelina Jolie wannabe.

    • TheOneandOnlyOnly says:

      Yes, and to think Johnny once starred in one of my favorite movies Blow; not a critical or box office success, but just a good movie that conveyed the sense of the times it portrayed; and now he’s with this mundane wannabee. Anyone remember in that awful 3 episode lasting series about Playboy bunnies a couple of years ago?

    • iheartjacksparrow says:

      I always wonder what they talk about. Johnny hangs out with people older than he is, so when, say, he and Keith Richards are having a conversation about things that happened before Amber was born, does she just sit there, smile, and nod her head? I think it would be hard to relate to a person two decades older who’s known so many famous people and gone so many more places than she has.

  8. OhDear says:

    She’s pretty, but appears thirsty as hell.

  9. lisa2 says:

    She is very pretty.. but the pictures inside are forgettable. Nothing interesting. Nothing that people are going to talk about and say; OMG did you see Amber in that magazine. Just another Meh cover. I miss seeing big stars on covers. But then they only do them when they have something to promote. I guess she is promoting something.

  10. frisbeejada says:

    Well I suppose she can’t be blamed for the Johnny Depp’s girlfriend headline unless she actually had copy control – it’s the only way she’ll be known in France ahhhhhhh………on another note that looks like Terry Richardson lighting, maybe he took the shots and toned most of it down for his mate Johnny – hence the blow up doll poses…

  11. Happyhat says:

    I can only imagine that her idea of ‘good roles’ would be the same regardless of how she got them (on her own, or attached to a celeb boyfriend), it’s just that she’ll get more of them for a while. Until people (Tim Burton) get irritated by having to cast her in their stuff. Then she’ll just end up like all other Hollywood driftwood.

    In another note – she seems like the kind of girl to write a ‘how to be cool like me’ book (as opposed to the ‘lifestyle bloggers’ alternative career route), an Elizabeth Wurtzel Walmart edition.

  12. Penelope says:

    Hey, good for her–she’s enjoying her 15 minutes.

    These pictures are awful but she has gorgeous features, especially her eyes.

  13. stinky says:

    ….also, i just saw her in a preview for some new action movie and MAN was she awful!!
    tho i didnt think she was bad in Rum Diary (like everyone else did)

  14. Leah says:

    She is pretty but in a really bland and boring way. Her face is pleasant but forgettable. Its odd because all of his previous girlfriend had something unique about their looks.

  15. mzizkrizten says:

    Her hair looks stringy and unwashed and gross and she is giving me Kristen Stewart vibes in these pics. Poor Vanessa.

  16. boredbrit says:

    Her tongue is pissing me off in the second picture. Close your mouth, lady.

  17. BooBooLaRue says:

    Obnoxious or opportunistic?

    • FLORC says:

      To hear her talk in interviews is like nails on a chalk board. She tries way too hard to seem naturally cool. Kind of like how Jessica Biel would talk about how she took her barbie doll heads off. What should be genuine is forced.

      And much like Jessica and Katie Amber too will learn your husband can open the door to better roles, but if you’re a bad actress no one will watch it and remember you.

    • Blue Sky says:

      That wud b both- & I really wish he wasnt w/ her….. I c 2 many red flags in this situation.

      Obnoxious is a very fitting word 4 her- I wish he wud get w/ a woman that genuinely cares about him – not just who he is & what he can do 4 their career- but probably not easy 2 find.

      Just hope if this is the case he wakes up & gets out of this ASAP …..

  18. HH says:

    “I think Katie Holmes knows the answer to that question.”

    YAASSSSSSS!!! Shade at it’s finest. Well done. Golf clap.

  19. Rita says:

    I find it fascinating that when Amber was considered the lesbian’s lesbian, everyone thought she was so magnificent and now that she’s traded in that moniker, she’s viewed as a gold digging, ladder climbing, Hollywood wanna-be, who is scaling the heights on the peen of a 50 year old man. Ohhhhh how the adored have betrayed us.

    • Mia says:

      Rita , i dont really understand your post? Are you assuming celebitchy is gay site filled with lesbians who feel betrayed? I think maybe you need to read this site a bit more, you’d see that it is filled with women with a hard on for Cumberbatch, Hiddleston, Fassy and various ginger (for some reason) males. Your take fits better for the many Depp fangirls who find themselves let down by his cliched mid age behavior. I think Amber is just suffering from the perceptions based on the fact that she was not known prior to her involvement with Depp. The general public didnt know who she was, and to an extent when an unknown woman dates a very famous much older man there are always accustations of the younger one being a god digger. As unfair as it may be this perception is not unique for this coupling.

    • blanche says:

      Probably because they realized they got faked out by just another thirsty starlet trying to be *edgy* with tales of her same sex dalliances, see Megan Fox’s, ‘I fell in love with a beautiful tragic stripper story.’ Megan got major mega cool points over that until some curious reporter dug a little deeper and found out it was bullshite. Lol

  20. tegg says:

    In the fourth pic she looks a bit like a greasy haired Sofia Vergara. It might just be the open-mouthed, tilted head expression though.

  21. No says:

    The pictures aren’t in the magazine…those are outtakes!

  22. marina says:

    She’s in love what he is doing for her career. I never heard of her before they got together. And he waived bye-bye to sexy long ago and this engagement just sealed it for me. He’s becoming a joke. What a free spirit she is settling down with a 50 year old with kids. Whatevs.

    • Mandy says:

      And what is he exactly doing for her career? He’s not helping her at all, she’s still starring in C-listed flops. He might have waived bye-bye to sexy in your world and in the gossip world but not in the real world. Becoming a joke because of what? He is with someone who loves him and take care of him and his kids so what’s wrong with that?

  23. Anthea says:

    Ok, I actually don’t mind Amber that much. The first thing I saw her in was The Informers, a film I had previously read the book it was based on, and she nailed her character IMO. So I perceive her as a competent actress who is getting a lot of press because of johnny. But I don’t mind them together either. no idea why

    In the famewhoring world of contemporary celebrity, there are worse people that those two (side eye to Farrah Abraham and PMK)

  24. wonderwoman21 says:

    Wow that second pic essentially amounts to “insert dong here”. Keep it artistic Amber, keep it artistic.

  25. Nymeria says:

    In this pictorial, Amber reminds me a lot of Vanessa Paradis when she was Amber’s age. Just some armchair psychology, but maybe Amber reminds Johnny of a young, childfree, carefree Vanessa?

    • Mia says:

      Not really. Vanessa is very striking looking always has been. With the gap tooth and the waifish body, very european in her ways. Amber is a curvy fresh faced all american blonde. They strike me as very different actually.
      I dont dislike amber, but as an actress she is not impressive and catching her on a talk show i did not get a sense of her personality. She just seems a bit bland and boring to be quite honest.

      • Nymeria says:

        You’re right about the curvy aspect – Amber’s the first chick this dude has dated who actually has hips – but I was referring to her face in this spread rather than her figure. Something about the eyes just reminded me of Vanessa, though IMO, Vanessa’s eyes are much more beautiful. And you’re right about Amber coming across as bland. There’s something missing from her – some spark, some joie de vivre – that makes her forgettable. Without Johnny Depp, I’d not remember her, and I actually watched the few episodes of The Playboy Club that were made. No doubt about it, Amber’s very lucky to have hooked up with Johnny; otherwise she’d be completely forgotten.

    • Miffy says:

      Was there really enough time for him to remember a childfree Vanessa Pardis?! They were only together three months before they got pregnant.

      • Nymeria says:

        You’re right; they weren’t together long at all before Vanessa fell pregnant, and I remember reading gossip stories about how Johnny was about to dump Vanessa and go back to Kate Moss until Vanessa let him in on the big surprise. I wish I knew all the back story there!

      • Kelly says:


        I don’t get the VP adoration at all. Sure, when compared to AH she’s better, but essentially Vanessa was a major downgrade compared to his previous girlfriends.

        What I’m saying is, essentially no one tops Winona. It was all downhill after her for Johnny.

        And I’m certain he would have never stayed with Vanessa for so long had she not gotten herself conveniently pregnant, two times no less.

  26. jj says:

    I bet they are nothing more than a PR arrangement.

    • Shannon1972 says:

      Why would JD agree to that? How does this benefit him? He’s getting nothing but ridicule and bad press from this relationship. If it was for PR, then it was a massive miscalculation.

      • jj says:

        Clooney, DiCaprio and Co have been doing it for years and they don’t get favorable press from it, but miraculously they still make high profile movies, staring in them and are still top celebs. People love to fantasize about the private life of movie stars, keeps them in the news like nothing else. Amber Heard looking like a blow up doll appearing on the cover of a magazine called Jalouse (Jealousy) says it all doesn’t it.
        Depp is just another ageing Hollywood douche, desperately trying to stay relevant.

      • Margot says:

        Desperately trying to stay relevant by making a nobody relevant? Johnny Depp will always be relevant my dear.

  27. Pretty but... says:

    She’s pretty but lacks something in her beauty… I don’t know what it is exactly. Maybe charisma and warmth is lacking?

  28. ZAK says:

    I have nothing against her relationship with Depp, I say good for them, I hope they are happy together. I doubt she will ever become a big star though because there is nothing special about her looks or acting wise. There are a million actresses in her age range who are much better and much more memorable looks wise.

  29. Alina says:

    „Where did Amber Heard come from? Why haven’t we been paying attention to her before now? I mean, some of us (me) paid attention when she officially came out of the closet, but why haven’t we ever really talked about how pretty she is and how she has amazing style?“ (Quote Kaiser Nov 09, 2011)

    „She’s so sexy. I don’t know how popular this movie is going to be, but I hope Amber’s career is all uphill from here.“ Kaiser Nov 04, 2011)

    „She’s a professional and not a casting couch type, and that leads one to believe that Amber isn’t merely a flash in the acting pan.“ (Bedhead Nov 23, 2011)

    „I like Amber Heard, the bitch can dress and she can work a red carpet“ (Kaiser Dec 5, 2011)

    „Personally, if Johnny was going to fool around I hoped it would be with Eva Green, who is a sexy bitch. But it really seems like Amber Heard is the one alleged mistress who is sticking around.“ (Kaiser June 14, 2012)

    …and now suddenly with the “wrong guy” she´s just a gold digging fame whore without talent…

  30. ToodySezHey says:

    Meg I don’t think the photo shoot is all that great but other than that, what’s the big deal?

  31. Nia says:

    I really thought if he left Vanessa, it would have been for Eva Green.
    That is a couple that I think could measure up to Brad & Angie, Daniel & Rachel, Javier & Penelope. Or am I just way off??

    • Helvetica says:

      Oooh I love Eva Green.

      I agree that Amber seems so “normal” compared to most of the women he has dated – meaning, the others always had this certain way about t hem, stylish, elegant, different, in their own class/category. Amber seems run of the mill.

      Who knows though. I think he is probably going through a mid-life crises (cliche and all) but maybe they really are into eachother. Who knows. I imagine the age difference will eventually catch up with them though. He’s about 23 yrs older. I have not ever dated a man that much older than myself but I would think that eventually it may bring some issues.

      Anyone else ever dealt with that? (A big age gap)?

      • cool says:

        I havent myself but I have a friend whose grandfather and grandmother have a 20 years gap and have been together forever.And the weirdest one,last summer I met a couple where the man was in his 70s and the woman in her 40s and have been together for about 10+ years.As crazy as it sounds they were in love and he was not rich.Sometimes people just ”click” no matter the age.I really hope this is the situation here.

  32. Sofacat says:

    Oh, yuk. Puh-leese. Amber may have lots of things, but she’s got no style and she certainly doesn’t have any class. Those shots are just vile.

  33. megsie says:

    Never liked him. Smug vindication feels good.