Jennifer Aniston apparently hates Justin Theroux’s veiny, hairless body

aniston smartwater

Here is Jennifer Aniston’s latest Smartwater print ad, which was just released yesterday. Jennifer has represented (and has some kind of profit-sharing deal with) Smartwater since 2007, and about twice a year, Smartwater debuts the new (air-brushed to a crazy degree) print ads. Jennifer also represents Living Proof haircare and Aveeno, but Smartwater was one of the first major ad deals.

Aniston-loonie Take: She looks gorgeous and sexy in this ad and she’s RICH as hell and she can live her life however she wants and Brad probably regrets leaving her.

Jolie-loonie Take: It’s super-suspicious that Jennifer Aniston is trying to steal Angelina’s thunder in the middle of Angelina’s very, very important Global Summit on Sexual Violence in Conflict and it just goes to show that Jennifer is terrible and superficial.

Eh. I just thought I’d get that out of the way. I’ve actually been surprised that Jennifer “went dark” around the time that Angelina really geared up to promote Maleficent. Usually, Jennifer does get pap’d a lot, or tries to announce something major during some big week for Brangelina. She didn’t do that this time. So good for her. Progress!

The National Enquirer has some assorted Aniston stories this week as well. Apparently, Jennifer’s Bel Air mansion renovation includes an absolutely enormous closet (for all of her LBDs, one would assume). She has 1500 feet of closet space now that she blew out one of the walls in her garage. But her closet is just that – just for her. Justin doesn’t get to use the closet. As for the state of JustJen, the Enquirer says Jennifer is freaked out about his veins. LOL.

HORRORS! When Jennifer Aniston looks at her soon-to-be hubby Justin Theroux, she sees a frightening sight – her arch-love rival Angelina Jolie. That’s because Justin’s intense workouts have left him with bulging blood vessels that remind the “We’re the Millers” star of skinny Angie and her jutting veins, says a source.

“Jennifer is begging Justin to cool it with the free-weight workouts,” revealed an insider. “She says she’s turned off by his ultra-muscular body. She wants her man to be in shape, but it creeps her out that he has veins jutting out on his arms, legs, chest and neck.”

Making matters worse, Justin shaves and waxes his chest – and sometimes his legs – which makes his veins even more evident. According to the source, Jen would prefer some macho-looking body hair on her man.

“She says that when she looks at Justin, she feels like she’s staring at a pumped-up male version of Angelina,” said the insider. “Jen has always thought Angelina is sickly looking and skinny. She even nicknamed her ‘toothpick.’ ”

But Justin, 42, thinks it’s absurd that Jen is comparing him to the 39-year-old “Maleficent” star, said the insider. “He views this as just another example of her not being able to let go of the hurt and pain from her marriage to Brad.”

[From The National Enquirer]

I told you it was funny. In Jennifer’s mind, veins = Jolie. Remember when Justin used to talk about Angelina in interviews? I think Angelina was more of his “ideal woman” – at least she was back in the day. When he was with Heidi Bivens. Before Jennifer homewrecked him.

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Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet, Smartwater.

 

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67 Responses to “Jennifer Aniston apparently hates Justin Theroux’s veiny, hairless body”

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  1. Tiffany says:

    I was just thinking about Aniston the other day, there was a Friends ep on TV, and wondering why she has been quiet. Then I also thought that this woman can really go away if she wants to. So no more comments about the paps or those tabloid rumors Jen, I am on to you.

  2. blue marie says:

    So I’m guessing she’s not a fan of hairy balls?

  3. maynot says:

    I have nothing to say. Really. Nothing comes to my mind when I read about them. My thought vanish into thin air.

  4. The Original G says:

    Someone needs to proofread that ad in a major way.

  5. MollyB says:

    “She says that when she looks at Justin, she feels like she’s staring at a pumped-up male version of Angelina”. LOLOLOL. Nothing can top this. I feel like we now have heard every single angle a tabloid can take on the uncool triangle.

    TRIANGLE MIC DROP.

  6. TWINK says:

    I like both Angie and Jen, sometimes I feel like the only one. The ad doesn’t seem crazy ‘shopped to me, a little but she still looks like her.

  7. Toot says:

    Another BS story, but I think Jennifer wasn’t really laying low. She and her BFF Chelsea reportedly went to dinner the week Maleficent came out and went to the spa . It wasn’t blown up because no one really cared.

  8. Cecilia says:

    This story is funny. I don’t believe a word of it. The tabs miss their money making triangle so much that they turn to complete fabrication to try & stir it all up again.

  9. Hissyfit says:

    This ad is not that badly photoshopped, unlike the Aveeno ones! Like girl, your face in the TV commercial and the print ad doesn’t match! Lol.

  10. Tippy says:

    He’s probably on the roids.

    I wonder why she waited until 2007 to begin endorsing products? Seems like she could have made quite a lot more between 94-06.

  11. halley says:

    They are hardly together.
    She is based in LA, he just went back to NYC after about a day in LA.
    What is she doing in LA now that prevents her from being in NYC? She is done filming. They just do not seem to want to spend much time with each other.

  12. Bead says:

    Does she ever do anything interesting? She is 45 and is as interesting as a rock.
    How are her fans not bored to death by her? Hair this, hair that. Mexico, tanning, hair again. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    • K-Rock says:

      This is why Brad said he split. He was bored to death.

      • Cecilia says:

        I’m sure Jen was as well.

      • eva says:

        Yeah, that’s why she’s still doing the same crap over and over and over again.

      • Kia says:

        Whatever Cecilia, ….. she was not bored, she is not open to change or adventures.
        how she does get bored to death talking about her HAIR in every single interview & going to Mexico rather than see the amazing world is beyond me.

        Jen is content doing the same old thing, not growing as a person or doing new things.

        Brad on the other hand has done so much since leaving her dull self. Make it Right, the wine business, furniture design, winning an Oscar, meeting heads of state, six kids, traveling the world…..Jen just keeps on tanning.

      • MaryIV says:

        Brad said he was a lazy pot head when he was married to Jen. He was one of the bigest movie stars out there. He could of found interesting roles to challenge him, or traveled or done charity work while he was married to Jen. It’s not your spouses fault if you choose to be a pot head and do nothing with your life. That should be on Brad not Jen.

      • The Original G says:

        You’re right MaryIV. Look at Justin, he lives in a another city pursuing his own interests and living his own life and they’re doing just fine.

    • lisa2 says:

      @Mary

      he didn’t say it was her fault. He said it was just during the marriage. IN fact he said it was him not her. And after that walk up; he did make a change and found the life he thought he should live.

      Looking at the life each of them have now is very ample evidence that they were not on the same road. I don’t think anyone should stay with someone else when they want something different. They obviously wanted a different life.

      I think everything worked out very well.

      • Completely agree, lisa2–best comment of the thread. When I look at them as a couple, I just can’t really compute it. It just seemed like after they got married (from all that I’ve read), it went downhill FAST. It’s like they decided to get married because……and then that was it. No real thought for the future–ten years, twenty years, fifty years later.

        And yeah–he said he was bored in his marriage, because he was making it into something that it WASN’T. Which is when he got off the couch, and started working–he did Troy, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, and started up his producing company for real then….

      • Cecilia says:

        Well said, Lisa2 & I agree.

  13. zan says:

    I like both of them, Angelina for the super woman that she is and Jennifer, cause she’s simple and Rachel Green. :) Both have good sides I thinks

    • bera says:

      Rachel Green was a TV character a decade ago. She is not Rachel in real life, not sweet at all. Her fans seem to think she is Rachel. She is BFF with Chelsea Handler and friends with Terry Richardson. You are the company you keep.

      And simple is a good word for her……. She did say that she did love the way John Mayer thought thoughts!!!!!

    • lisa2 says:

      I think your comment is what many people say. Her fan base think of her as Rachel. That must suck. It is one thing to like an actor but to only see them as this one character just show how stagnate your career path may be.

      but hey if her fans still think she is Rachel Green more power to you. I don’t see how Jennifer would find that as a compliment.

  14. The Original G says:

    If she’s laying low, it probably to stay out of the way of The Leftovers, that premieres this month, to let Justin have his moment. His veiny, hairless moment.

  15. Snowflake says:

    So funny how the tabs use the angles they know will stir the fan frenzy. Reminds her of Angie? Lmao! Yeah right!

  16. Amy Tennant says:

    I’m still waiting for the tabloid story that puts JA and AJ together and leaves Brad crying and alone. Or running to Justin for comfort!

  17. ZsaZsa says:

    I did not know Justin used to talk about Angelina in interviews! Can someone PLEASE help me find this? I can’t find anything!

  18. Janet says:

    “she can live her life however she wants and Brad probably regrets leaving her.”

    It took them ten years to qualify that with a “probably”? Maybe after another ten years they will finally accept that Brad has no regrets about anything. Hey, one can hope.

    • Ag says:

      is it someone’s publicist who keeps the uncool triangle in the tabloids? i’d really like to know. because, yeah, it has been a freaking decade.

      • Eh, to some extent, in the early years, both sides kind of fueled it–indirectly, mostly. Like obviously–there are going to be tabloid stories when Angelina had to ‘ask’ reporters to stop asking her about Jennifer Aniston a year or two after she and Brad got together. There was a lot from her Vogue interview. Brad talked about how he and Angelina got together in 2007/8ish, in Details magazine (‘there was no dastard affair’)…..Jennifer, I think, has spoken the most about it. Her Vanity Fair interview, Vogue 2008, the ‘baby question’, the PEOPLE covers about how she’s either happier than ever and she’s TOTALLY OVER BRAD i.e. ‘Jen: Five Years After Brad’, or how she’s upset about the baby question–which she talked about in interview after interview.

        I think what really fuels it is the fact that Jennifer is still in the same state as she was when she and Brad broke up. After they broke up, it was all, how is she coping? She’s banging Vince (who was in MAMS with Brad/Angelina)–is he better than Brad? But until Justin, she hasn’t met anyone ‘stable’….and even then? There have been rumors about them being broken up–which I’m convinced of because they are barely together (even when they could be), and went to PEOPLE about every minute of their wedding (and then complained about the speculation).

        It keeps going because Jennifer isn’t married or had a baby yet—two things that she said she was going to do, that she wanted very much–right after she got divorced. If she’d married Vince Vaughn, I doubt that we would even be talking about her as much as we do. OR if she hadn’t pushed the baby/marriage thing so hard, in the first six, seven years after she got divorced. It’s only been since she got with Justin, that she backed away from the baby statements.

        So that’s what I think it is–I do think that the first few years, it was a mix of direct and indirect references to each other that started the whole thing (which IS unavoidable), but Jennifer is the one that carried it on, I think. Especially since she’s still friends with a woman who STILL attacks Angelina Jolie, talking about how Jennifer didn’t have her say anything, yet she only started saying that kind of stuff after she became friends with Jennifer.

        To put it bluntly–Brad and Angelina, as a couple, haven’t really changed. They’ve been together, had their kids, their causes–are a solid couple. It’s Jennifer that’s been from man to man (not a bad thing), while selling the fact that she wants ‘it all’….and she doesn’t have it (yet)–and has dated men who are wholly unsuited for that (even Justin–she says she wants kids, but he was in a 14 year relationship, 40 years old, without any kids..tells you something). So there will be comparisons. Always.

        Until she changes the narrative. She hasn’t yet. So while she is unmarried and child free it will always be ‘poor, lonely Jen can’t find a man who’ll marry her and make babies with’. ‘Poor, lonely Jen just has a hard time after Brad left her.’ ‘Poor lonely Jen just got her heart broken by John Mayor, while Brad and Angelina are double nominees at the Oscars’…and so on.

        I think that she loves her life, as it is. I find it a little boring, but it’s her life. I wish she would’ve been open with that–I’ve been hearing that she’s been playing the ‘I want a baby’ card since ‘Friends’…..

  19. Annabelle says:

    I actually like the ad.

    Has anyone ever tried SmartWater? I see people drinking it all the time.

    • The Original G says:

      I never buy bottled water. I think it’s a total blight on the environment. Maybe it’s where I live, but I don’t see SmartWater anywhere.

    • I like the ad too–it’s simple. I don’t find it particularly interesting, but it’s not horrible.

      I’ve tried SmartWater–omg. I don’t understand how SHE drinks it, because it tastes *stale*. I don’t really know how to describe it. It’s like they stripped the water of its minerals and vitamins…..It tastes like it’s old water…that’s the best I can describe it. It’s disgusting, and I don’t understand how someone can take more than a few sips of it. I’d rather drink my disgusting tap water, than SmartWater. It’s really….flat.

  20. Ag says:

    who doesn’t hate justin’s veiny, hairless body, jen. who doesn’t.

  21. Sorella says:

    Was the budget non-existent in her new Smartwater ad???!! It’s like she’s wearing her very own fugly big, brown belt circa 1995 that she insists on always wearing with jeans!! And are these own j10 year old jeans and one of the dozens of white tanks she owns?! Seriously, even her clothe are boring in an ad!! It’s like she’s a big bag of boring, inside and out. Not an ugly gal, far from it, but you know when they say a great personality makes someone seem goodlooking? Well a non-personality, even if that person si cute, makes them appear blah. And this is her problem, boring on inside and now on outside.