It was just last week when Lindsay Lohan gave a completely delusional and crack-lie-tastic interview to the NY Times where she claimed that she was preparing to do David Mamet’s Speed-the-Plow on stage in London. The Cracken then followed up on that claim by posting a selfie outside of what appeared to be the stage door of Her Majesty’s Theatre, and announcing that she was heading into her first day of read-throughs. Many of us (including me) wondered aloud if Lindsay was living in a crack-delusion bubble so intense that she really didn’t even realize that she was lying. Well, guess what? She wasn’t lying. She actually got cast in Speed-the-Plow.
The much-in-the-news screen star Lindsay Lohan will make her professional stage debut this fall in David Mamet’s Speed-the-Plow at London’s Playhouse Theatre. Performances will begin Sept. 24 and continue through Nov. 29. Opening night is scheduled for Oct. 2. Lindsay Posner directs. Additional casting will be announced at a later time.
“When a hugely bankable star agrees to appear in a sure-fire commercial hit, film producers Bobby Gould and Charlie Fox are convinced this is the break of a lifetime,” according to press notes. “That is until Karen (played by Lindsay Lohan), a temporary secretary, derails the dream. When she persuades Bobby to dump the blockbuster in favour of a story which can only be described as box-office poison, Charlie is forced to resort to desperate measures….”
Everybody is already joking about how the understudy better be prepared, because she’s the one who will be performing the play for most of the run. But here’s what I honestly think: this play will never happen. It just won’t. It’s like almost every “legit” career move Lindsay has made over the past five years. She throws her name out there, presumably to drum up financing for a project, but by attaching her name the project almost instantly becomes poison, something that no self-respecting professional would want any part of. Remember the Linda Lovelace bio-pic Lohan was supposed to star in? Remember the John Gotti bio-pic that Lohan was supposed to star in? Yeah. I will be shocked if September 24th rolls around and Lindsay is actually still in London, about to perform in a play.
Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet and LL’s Instagram.
Well smack my ass and call me Judy….
LOL +1
Slap mine too. I’m stunned.
I also doubt it will go forward. Why haven’t the co-stars been announced?
That’s great!!!!
She can’t be any worse than Madonna in the original NY production, who was absolutely terrible, wooden and inflectionless (I know; I was there). At least Lohan can sort of act – if she stays sober and if has a strong director, she might even be OK. Big “ifs” though.
Madonna has a work ethic.
Yeah, Madonna showed up and worked. Lindsay Lohan will do neither.
@gefeylich: How do you know the director didn’t want her to be wooden?
Well, it would be nice if she was actually able to make a comeback with good acting skills. I’m no fan, but if she got her sh*t together, I’d be happy for her. Not rooting for her failure, not invested in her success either.
Very generous thoughts on your part. I need to be a better person. Hangs head.
You’re in trouble if you start with the premise that following anything I do will make you a better person…back to square one with you!
Lol. I don’t agree but we can leave it.
Yeah, I’m just going to own the fact that I’m probably a shitty person.
I see what you did there.
WHY, America?! We haven’t done anything to you! (Not recently, anyway.)
Taking bets on what bit of history is going to repeat itself now that the Cracken seems intent on embedding herself here; a variation on the Plague after all of Lindsay’s . . . er, clients? Or another fire?
This is never going to work.
I said it in the earlier thread on this . . .Piers Morgan. He hasn’t left yet and we Americans are forced to take desperate measures :).
Hahahaha so Lohan is payback for Morgan? Lol
Yes I was going to say the same thing. Piers Morgan. Yuck.
Oh, suck it up England… It’s called ‘Humble Yourself’!!
You guys have been riding on the highs of every superior actor out there in your theatres and your silver screens, okay?! Why, just the other day Chiwetel Ejiofor was doing Othello, Carey Mulligan is doing a play herself… The list of actors in theatre is impeccable.
You’re getting a big head England, is all I’m saying
It’s time for some humility.
“Keep Calm and Carry On”
You brits are a tough lot. You’ve been through alot, and so you MIGHT survive the Cracken. Best of luck.
Well, I am lacing up my iceskates, as hell has frozen over and it looks to be a good day to skate. Later on, I will take a butterfly net out with me-easier to catch flying Kardashians that way. And last on my to-do list is riding my rainbow unicorn to the lake to see The Loch Ness Monster’s late show. Really must make sure my houseboy, Always Naked Tom Hardy does a good job on that unicorn’s coat. I want it nice and shiny. Speed The F**king Plow straight into the ground, Cracken. I weep for London.
Consider it payback for you guys getting to have a cool accent and slang and everything.
Dear England,
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!
Yours sincerely,
Ireland
PS If Kimye asks you haven’t seen us… Also, cheers for the loan, cheque will be in the post any day now… Hee hee hee!
The best! Thanks for that.
Must you carry on about it? For goodness sake! It’s not like the antibiotics haven’t been mailed yet. Should be enough for everyone. Big babies!
Seriously? Are they delusional?
I read it that way too, but that’s not describing LILO, it’s the synopsis of the play.
Yeah, at first I thought they were describing LILO as a huge box office draw, but I reread it and I see what you mean. But they are still delusional! Lol
Deep breath, that’s just a description of one of the characters. The producers if this play are delusional but not THAT delusional.
You’re right the odds of this happening are miniscule. She loves the attention of a project announcement, the publicity. Once it’s time for real work? She’ll flake.
Now that is the true blohan way^.
I gotta agree with you here. based on her past behavior, whereby she couldn’t even get her sh*t together for a few lines on a sit-com (where she could have a video prompter), or for the Mighty O for a REALITY show where she didn’t even have to memorize lines…HOW in G-D’S name is she going to be able to memorize an entire play’s worth of lines?
she might start out OK with the read-through and the rehearsals but, if she actually makes it to a performance, I’d be surprised. I can’t wait to hear the reviews.
Just had a thought: maybe they want nothing more than to use her drug connections. They prop her up, she gets publicity, walks around all confident-like and feels secure enough to share where she gets the good stuff. If course, I don’t doubt for a minute that she’s passed around to anyone she’s told has influence as well. *burrrr*
Then when it comes time to fulfill their end of the bargan, they’ll flake on her. They could use any excuse.
Then (uneducated speculation here) they could shut the play for another year or two to recast with some stellar performers that will allow them to make some money off of their efforts. Sounds twisted but worse takes place all the time.
Yeah, some producer equally deluded as her thinks that attaching her to the project will encourage financing but…no. Just, no.
If casting Lohan is your Hail Mary move the project must surely be considered dead in the water.
It is shocking because she is a horrible actress. Her problems aside, she is just awful in everything she does.
She’s not a horrible actress, she was talented. It’s the drugs & her behavior of late that stops the talent from coming through.
She can still be good actress if she has dedication and poise with this project. People already snarkin her before production, lets give her a chance to prove herself and not be robotic trolls as usual.
No, she was bad. She was okay playing herself when she was a teen, but she has been permanently a teen or a decade now and has not grown up. Playing an adult woman will not come easy. And since when has that raspy voice been big enough for the theatre without her screaming at someone to move a cone? Plus all that lip ballooning has made her unintelligible. This production will go on, and it’s going to get bad reviews then Lohan will punch a real gypsy in London and get kicked out of the country.
I was a talented dancer when I was 12. Doesn’t mean I’m still capable of dancing on Broadway, even tho I might like to think I could. Lilo is exactly the same. Plenty of people are talented as youngsters but it doesn’t translate into a lifelong career. She’s delusional.
RuneRobin, Lohan couldn’t act in a cameo show by 2 Broke Girls or the dreadful Liz & Dick who looked like a 4-years old girl performance in Saturday Afternoon. Since 2007, people were expecting adult performances by Lohan and the evidence showed us she can’t do anything but playing herself. Stage is the most difficult acting forum and that’s the reason not many movie/TV stars don’t make theater, Tell us RuneRobin, who can Lohan surprise us on stage when she couldn’t emote two lines without mistakes? How an actress with terrible work ethic and lack of skills can surprise on stage? Seven years were proof enough of Lohan’s talents as an adult actress.
And no, I don’t think she was talented as some people thought. She was a competent child/teen actress with a lot of charisma but without talent or work ethic she can’t grow as an adult actress. Acting requires work and learning.
@RuneRobin
No, let’s not give her a fifty-seven-billionth chance to prove herself.
She’s been proving herself for the last ten years. We know exactly what she is. The only surprises come from how many new basements she has discovered under what should have been rock bottom.
i know some people have the heart of a saint, providing opportunities after opportunities with boundless positivity.
i really wish i can be one of them.
i also hope that they will not whine or complain if the project goes belly-up, but hey, if you’re Lindsay’s understudy, then perhaps this is your big break!!
i wonder how many more times you can cut her some slacks before you end up with only a g-string in your hands.
Somebody is trolling Blohan. The producers must need a a flop bad, just like the movie “The Producers”.
If the play actually opens I’m definitely seeing it!!
I don’t blame you. I wish you would live-blog it. A disaster that cracktacular is worth seeing.
Me too 🙂 I gotta see this cracktastrophe live!
What Kaiser said, ‘This will never happen’.
She’s more suited to CHICAGO on Broadway. They’re used to no-talent celebs and could cater one of the roles to Lohan’s special talents, whatever they are.
none of them are stage-appropriate! it’ll be crack-snorting, bjs, or running over babies!
Lindsay will bow out before she makes her stage debut. She will use the old ” conflicting projects/schedules ” excuse.
Acting on stage in front of a live audience is so different from acting in front of a camera. With her history and with so many people waiting to see her fail, Lindsay will not be able to handle the pressure.
There is NO insurance that can protect the audience from the Cracken! I can just see her on stage opening night; surrounded in a haze of cigarette smoke, swaying somewhere in the general vicinity of someone’s mark–not necessarily hers, mind; she opens her mouth to rasp/cough out some lines (also not necessarily her own), then people start heckling her and she staggers off the stage to attack them. *shudder*
Lilo hate in the morning!!!!
What excuse WILL she use?
Allergic reaction? That’s popular.
Another miscarriage?
Adopting a baby and has to go to China?
A polyp in her throat?
Or just “exhaustion and dehydration” again?
Ideas?
I thought it was almost impossible to get any type of insurance for Lindsay. Boggles the mind.
She never was uninsurable. Just that her rate was higher, like Drew and RDJ in the 90’s, due to concerns of legal/ health variables. Producers who willing to invest can afford it and make sure Lilo follows the rules.
And Oprah’s crew was able to make Lilo follow the rules? I didn’t say she was uninsurable, just said it was almost impossible – anything is possible if you throw enough money at it.
when making The Canyons, she couldn’t even follow the rules to NOT DRIVE…when she was GIVEN A CAR WITH A DRIVER.
Have the other actors been cast? Who are the poor souls who will have to work with the Cracken? And if they haven’t been cast: Who is going to volunteer to work with this broad?
Last question.. Methinks it will be unresolved…
Nope casting to be determined, LOL! I’m sure knowing LiLo she’s telling everyone they are selecting from this year’s Oscar nominees. In an unrelated note I’ve heard Chiwetel Ejiofor has fled England to a safe house, ten Navy SEALS are guarding Michael Fassbender, and Leo DiCaprio has quit acting and joined a monastery. Unrelated I’m sure. 😉
Maybe they can get Cumberbatch to sign on. They could bill it as “The Batch and the Bitch, together at last”.
That’s the funniest part! No other actors have been cast, so she had her first “read through” ALONE. 😀
Wow. I forgot about the Gotti project.
Ugh. Her lips. That stupid fracking kissy pose. My poor eyes.
I know! Someone needs to take that thoroughly-unflattering second photo, blow it up to billboard size, stick it in front of Cracken’s face and say, “THIS IS YOUR FACE. THIS IS YOUR FACE ON KISSY-HAND POSE. ANY QUESTIONS?”
Ha ha! Producer is a moron. She won’t even show up for curtain call every night. You don’t hire someone with a reputation for flaking out on work, especially when you’re doing plays.
Honestly, I’m still not sure I believe it.
I wonder if she will be as bad as Madonna in the role.
Not to be mean. But this is pretty absurd…There are 100s of actors in London, trained actors , hardworking actors, you know people who actually took their craft seriously enough to go to drama school.
Celebrity thrumphs everything. Next Kim kardashian will release a cd…
Or maybe she performed a good on her read through audition and convice the producers that she can act and not a character portrayed in the gossip blogs. Merit still matters.
*snort*
ok…
LMAO, Good one RuneRobin. Yes because Lohan has a full resume of “excellent” performances *sarcasm*.
Actually showing up to performances still matters too. Even more, I dare say.
Like she is in ANY way equipped to perform a stage role? PR trolling.
Well this is a bit of a stunner. I guess everything that comes out of her mouth isn’t crack delusion.
Can you imagine if she ended up being really good – like, somehow this whole experience enabled her to channel some kind of hitherto forgotten ability that had been buried under years of crackmess. And she was amazing. It would be like the end of days or something…
I’m just disappointed that she’s going to be in London when I’m there. WTF. 🙁
I can see it already, LL dropping the line “when I was doing a play in London,” all smug and self-important, for the next ten years worth of talk show appearances. Ugh. Congrats to the understudy.
Maybe she be humbled, something gossip blogs have been screaming years about her, with opportunity to prove she has the drive to perform.
Or you’re Dina Lohan or you’re living on a rock/delusional as her few imdb fans. Lohan and humility aren’t inclussive words in one sentence. And yes, changing on her 1,.347 chance to redeam herself in seven years lol.
It’s more likely she’ll do this play the way she did Oprah’s “documentary”. She won’t show up or she’ll show up late. She won’t learn her lines, and she’ll rage at other people every time things don’t go exactly her way. She’s not a good actress, if she ever was. This will be an epic disaster and the people who hired her will be just as sorry as everyone else who hired her has been.
I have no sympathy at all left for her or for the people who try to “help” her in spite of her history to date. They are just prolonging her (and our) misery.
Who said “When people show you who they are, believe them”? She’s certainly shown the world.
Well tickets are already on sale, so yeah it will be happening. This could be huge for her if she manages to make it to work every day. There will be 8 shows a week. I don’t know how she’ll keep to a schedule like that for 2 whole months. But if she is able to it will be good for her career and good for her on a personal level. Having to put her focus all on that could possibly permanently break her focus on all of the other toxic stuff she normally focuses on.
We need to start a betting pool on when she flakes out of her first appearance.
I say she screws up by day 2 (late start) and bails on her first appearance by day 3.
That assumes she makes it through rehearsals.
@Voyeur
I’m pretty sure she won’t show up to rehearsals. It’ll be like her photoshoots — “Oh, that’s not REAL work.”
I will believe it when I see it. She looks awful and her voice is rough, I can’t imagine anyone wanting to sit through that. Also very telling that she is the only one to be publicly cast so far. I bet the real cast is hiding out somewhere.
She has been looking good and healthy since her stay in London. The above photo from the Moschino fashion show is a indication of her commitment.
Hi Dina!
um…attending a fashion show does not indicate “commitment”.
Not Dina, tired gossip blog retort tactic #85. Next you say I from the year 2005, when Perez Hilton was the pink marshmellow man and “Brad and Angie” was a h-wood PR to sell box office txt for Doug Liman.
She looked a lot better after her last forced rehab for months, too, but that didn’t translate into changed behavior on set. She still was late, no-show, couldn’t remember lines. A stage play is likely to be very embarrassing for her. She just has never developed adult-level skills and self-discipline, her problems run far deeper than booze and drugs. My feeling is that she’s not really interested in acting, but she has no idea how else to get the money and fame that she wants. She doesn’t spend her considerable downtime doing theater or working with coaches or taking classes as people with a real passion for acting would do in her situation.
Holy crap! I love a budget mess. I would actually pay real money to see this play. I’ll keep my fingers cross it happens.
And so the Crack Chronicles continue….
This is for whoever hired her: No way this will happen. There is just NO WAY she will be able to do eight shows a week, and party every night like she has been. The only option is to give up drinking/drugging to be able to focus, even then, the damage to her brain and body has been done over the years.. That is permanent. Won’t go away ever. She will always have a damaged brain . They HAVE to know this. It is sounding more like Zero Mostel and Gene Wilder in The Producers more and more.. That was a satire . This is (?) real? No way!
Much like RDJ , Drew B., Keith Richards, and mostly 50% of entertainers in showbiz lose their talent due to substance? Or Lilo is the gold rule in gossipblogverse, where she sleeping with Arab billionares and trying to hit on Kate Moss’s husband?
And even still RDJ and Drew Barrymore will take their opportunity to redeem themselves, acting from zero, never demanding or egocentrical and now at the cream of Hollywood. Too bad Lohan bites the hand who feeds and helps her, act like a delusional narcissist and can’t work with work ethic or more talent.
Keith Richards, albeit an addict, he has more talent in a finger than Lohan in all her body.
Or Lilo is the gold rule in gossipblogverse, where she sleeping with Arab billionares
Or Russian billionaires.
Lindsay probably thought she was gonna be doing speed while riding a plow and playing. Darn it!!
Maybe she deported herself because she owes everyone in America money? I don’t blame her for wanting to get out of CA. I’m pretty sure she has no allies state side. Maybe she decided to go look for poor rich schmucks in England? It’s not the worst plan for Cracken but I think she will end up back in the US speeding the plow in Hollywood hotel bathrooms instead of onstage in London.
Crase and uninformed. She has two independent films in the works, one filmed in California, and be back stateside for family and business matters. But it still seems here that Celebitchy comment section here try to be as witty as the CDAN crew.
PLANT. I SEE A FAMILY PLANT.
You’re cute. I wasn’t trying to be witty. I was just saying that this hooker is fooling no one. 🙂 and I don’t know what CDAN is?
As long as she’s keeping her Cracknanigan-pulling ass out of the US, I feel safe.
I do feel bad for our fellow Celebitches across the pond, though. Be safe!
Oh wow- I’m shocked that this play is happening, though I still have some doubts (ie. how can you have a read through if the two lead roles haven’t been cast? Im pretty sure a read through is done with the whole cast. I’m still calling complete shenanigans on that!)
As a lover of gossip, the mere possibility that she might try to do 8 performances/week for two months has me excited- imagine all of the stories that will come from that!
However, I am in the camp of “this will never happen”, based on the history of Lindsay announcing projects that never materialize. This production might go forward, but she won’t be in it.
Doesn’t live theater require a knack at precision timing? Not to mention remembering one’s lines?
I think this is a hoax on the director’s part. “Cast” Lindsay in this play, knowing full well she’ll never be able to do it, and then have her understudy take over – I mean, LOOK AT HOW MUCH WE ARE TALKING ABOUT IT AND THE PLAY IS MONTHS AWAY! Perfect publicity.
Move Big Ben…I’m Lindsay Lohan!!!! Good Luck England!!!
This should be interesting to see how this turns out.
Am tempted to buy a ticket for opening night, just our of sheer morbid curiosity…
I would be the opposite of shocked to find out there’s some kind of “Springtime for Hitler” scheme going on here.
At least she’s working.