Lindsay Lohan really is going to do ‘Speed-the-Plow’ on stage in London, shock

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It was just last week when Lindsay Lohan gave a completely delusional and crack-lie-tastic interview to the NY Times where she claimed that she was preparing to do David Mamet’s Speed-the-Plow on stage in London. The Cracken then followed up on that claim by posting a selfie outside of what appeared to be the stage door of Her Majesty’s Theatre, and announcing that she was heading into her first day of read-throughs. Many of us (including me) wondered aloud if Lindsay was living in a crack-delusion bubble so intense that she really didn’t even realize that she was lying. Well, guess what? She wasn’t lying. She actually got cast in Speed-the-Plow.

The much-in-the-news screen star Lindsay Lohan will make her professional stage debut this fall in David Mamet’s Speed-the-Plow at London’s Playhouse Theatre. Performances will begin Sept. 24 and continue through Nov. 29. Opening night is scheduled for Oct. 2. Lindsay Posner directs. Additional casting will be announced at a later time.

“When a hugely bankable star agrees to appear in a sure-fire commercial hit, film producers Bobby Gould and Charlie Fox are convinced this is the break of a lifetime,” according to press notes. “That is until Karen (played by Lindsay Lohan), a temporary secretary, derails the dream. When she persuades Bobby to dump the blockbuster in favour of a story which can only be described as box-office poison, Charlie is forced to resort to desperate measures….”

[From Playbill]

Everybody is already joking about how the understudy better be prepared, because she’s the one who will be performing the play for most of the run. But here’s what I honestly think: this play will never happen. It just won’t. It’s like almost every “legit” career move Lindsay has made over the past five years. She throws her name out there, presumably to drum up financing for a project, but by attaching her name the project almost instantly becomes poison, something that no self-respecting professional would want any part of. Remember the Linda Lovelace bio-pic Lohan was supposed to star in? Remember the John Gotti bio-pic that Lohan was supposed to star in? Yeah. I will be shocked if September 24th rolls around and Lindsay is actually still in London, about to perform in a play.

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Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet and LL’s Instagram.

 

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107 Responses to “Lindsay Lohan really is going to do ‘Speed-the-Plow’ on stage in London, shock”

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  1. Lindy79 says:

    Well smack my ass and call me Judy….

  2. Kiddo says:

    Well, it would be nice if she was actually able to make a comeback with good acting skills. I’m no fan, but if she got her sh*t together, I’d be happy for her. Not rooting for her failure, not invested in her success either.

  3. Amelia says:

    WHY, America?! We haven’t done anything to you! (Not recently, anyway.)
    Taking bets on what bit of history is going to repeat itself now that the Cracken seems intent on embedding herself here; a variation on the Plague after all of Lindsay’s . . . er, clients? Or another fire?
    This is never going to work.

  4. GoodNamesAllTaken says:

    Seriously? Are they delusional?

    • Clementine says:

      I read it that way too, but that’s not describing LILO, it’s the synopsis of the play.

    • Mia4S says:

      Deep breath, that’s just a description of one of the characters. The producers if this play are delusional but not THAT delusional.

      You’re right the odds of this happening are miniscule. She loves the attention of a project announcement, the publicity. Once it’s time for real work? She’ll flake.

      • Brin says:

        Now that is the true blohan way^.

      • doofus says:

        I gotta agree with you here. based on her past behavior, whereby she couldn’t even get her sh*t together for a few lines on a sit-com (where she could have a video prompter), or for the Mighty O for a REALITY show where she didn’t even have to memorize lines…HOW in G-D’S name is she going to be able to memorize an entire play’s worth of lines?

        she might start out OK with the read-through and the rehearsals but, if she actually makes it to a performance, I’d be surprised. I can’t wait to hear the reviews.

    • Sea Dragon says:

      Just had a thought: maybe they want nothing more than to use her drug connections. They prop her up, she gets publicity, walks around all confident-like and feels secure enough to share where she gets the good stuff. If course, I don’t doubt for a minute that she’s passed around to anyone she’s told has influence as well. *burrrr*
      Then when it comes time to fulfill their end of the bargan, they’ll flake on her. They could use any excuse.
      Then (uneducated speculation here) they could shut the play for another year or two to recast with some stellar performers that will allow them to make some money off of their efforts. Sounds twisted but worse takes place all the time.

  5. MediaB says:

    Yeah, some producer equally deluded as her thinks that attaching her to the project will encourage financing but…no. Just, no.

    If casting Lohan is your Hail Mary move the project must surely be considered dead in the water.

  6. eliza says:

    It is shocking because she is a horrible actress. Her problems aside, she is just awful in everything she does.

    • Tammy says:

      She’s not a horrible actress, she was talented. It’s the drugs & her behavior of late that stops the talent from coming through.

      • RuneRobin says:

        She can still be good actress if she has dedication and poise with this project. People already snarkin her before production, lets give her a chance to prove herself and not be robotic trolls as usual.

      • BobbieFisher says:

        No, she was bad. She was okay playing herself when she was a teen, but she has been permanently a teen or a decade now and has not grown up. Playing an adult woman will not come easy. And since when has that raspy voice been big enough for the theatre without her screaming at someone to move a cone? Plus all that lip ballooning has made her unintelligible. This production will go on, and it’s going to get bad reviews then Lohan will punch a real gypsy in London and get kicked out of the country.

      • PamelaJudy says:

        I was a talented dancer when I was 12. Doesn’t mean I’m still capable of dancing on Broadway, even tho I might like to think I could. Lilo is exactly the same. Plenty of people are talented as youngsters but it doesn’t translate into a lifelong career. She’s delusional.

      • Roger says:

        RuneRobin, Lohan couldn’t act in a cameo show by 2 Broke Girls or the dreadful Liz & Dick who looked like a 4-years old girl performance in Saturday Afternoon. Since 2007, people were expecting adult performances by Lohan and the evidence showed us she can’t do anything but playing herself. Stage is the most difficult acting forum and that’s the reason not many movie/TV stars don’t make theater, Tell us RuneRobin, who can Lohan surprise us on stage when she couldn’t emote two lines without mistakes? How an actress with terrible work ethic and lack of skills can surprise on stage? Seven years were proof enough of Lohan’s talents as an adult actress.

        And no, I don’t think she was talented as some people thought. She was a competent child/teen actress with a lot of charisma but without talent or work ethic she can’t grow as an adult actress. Acting requires work and learning.

      • Bread and Circuses says:

        @RuneRobin
        No, let’s not give her a fifty-seven-billionth chance to prove herself.

        She’s been proving herself for the last ten years. We know exactly what she is. The only surprises come from how many new basements she has discovered under what should have been rock bottom.

  7. lower-case deb says:

    i know some people have the heart of a saint, providing opportunities after opportunities with boundless positivity.

    i really wish i can be one of them.

    i also hope that they will not whine or complain if the project goes belly-up, but hey, if you’re Lindsay’s understudy, then perhaps this is your big break!!

    i wonder how many more times you can cut her some slacks before you end up with only a g-string in your hands.

  8. Green Is Good says:

    Somebody is trolling Blohan. The producers must need a a flop bad, just like the movie “The Producers”.

  9. Sasha says:

    If the play actually opens I’m definitely seeing it!!

  10. Neelyo says:

    What Kaiser said, ‘This will never happen’.

    She’s more suited to CHICAGO on Broadway. They’re used to no-talent celebs and could cater one of the roles to Lohan’s special talents, whatever they are.

  11. NewWester says:

    Lindsay will bow out before she makes her stage debut. She will use the old ” conflicting projects/schedules ” excuse.
    Acting on stage in front of a live audience is so different from acting in front of a camera. With her history and with so many people waiting to see her fail, Lindsay will not be able to handle the pressure.

  12. swack says:

    I thought it was almost impossible to get any type of insurance for Lindsay. Boggles the mind.

  13. Hannah says:

    Have the other actors been cast? Who are the poor souls who will have to work with the Cracken? And if they haven’t been cast: Who is going to volunteer to work with this broad?

  14. Talie says:

    Wow. I forgot about the Gotti project.

  15. I Choose Me says:

    Ugh. Her lips. That stupid fracking kissy pose. My poor eyes.

    • Bread and Circuses says:

      I know! Someone needs to take that thoroughly-unflattering second photo, blow it up to billboard size, stick it in front of Cracken’s face and say, “THIS IS YOUR FACE. THIS IS YOUR FACE ON KISSY-HAND POSE. ANY QUESTIONS?”

  16. msw says:

    Ha ha! Producer is a moron. She won’t even show up for curtain call every night. You don’t hire someone with a reputation for flaking out on work, especially when you’re doing plays.

    Honestly, I’m still not sure I believe it.

  17. Evyn says:

    I wonder if she will be as bad as Madonna in the role.

  18. Hannah says:

    Not to be mean. But this is pretty absurd…There are 100s of actors in London, trained actors , hardworking actors, you know people who actually took their craft seriously enough to go to drama school.

    Celebrity thrumphs everything. Next Kim kardashian will release a cd…

  19. The Original G says:

    Like she is in ANY way equipped to perform a stage role? PR trolling.

  20. Nicolette says:

    Well this is a bit of a stunner. I guess everything that comes out of her mouth isn’t crack delusion.

  21. Happyhat says:

    Can you imagine if she ended up being really good – like, somehow this whole experience enabled her to channel some kind of hitherto forgotten ability that had been buried under years of crackmess. And she was amazing. It would be like the end of days or something…

  22. GeeMoney says:

    I’m just disappointed that she’s going to be in London when I’m there. WTF. :(

  23. Jackson says:

    I can see it already, LL dropping the line “when I was doing a play in London,” all smug and self-important, for the next ten years worth of talk show appearances. Ugh. Congrats to the understudy.

  24. Ruyana says:

    It’s more likely she’ll do this play the way she did Oprah’s “documentary”. She won’t show up or she’ll show up late. She won’t learn her lines, and she’ll rage at other people every time things don’t go exactly her way. She’s not a good actress, if she ever was. This will be an epic disaster and the people who hired her will be just as sorry as everyone else who hired her has been.

    I have no sympathy at all left for her or for the people who try to “help” her in spite of her history to date. They are just prolonging her (and our) misery.

    Who said “When people show you who they are, believe them”? She’s certainly shown the world.

  25. shelley says:

    Well tickets are already on sale, so yeah it will be happening. This could be huge for her if she manages to make it to work every day. There will be 8 shows a week. I don’t know how she’ll keep to a schedule like that for 2 whole months. But if she is able to it will be good for her career and good for her on a personal level. Having to put her focus all on that could possibly permanently break her focus on all of the other toxic stuff she normally focuses on.

  26. OriginallyBlue says:

    I will believe it when I see it. She looks awful and her voice is rough, I can’t imagine anyone wanting to sit through that. Also very telling that she is the only one to be publicly cast so far. I bet the real cast is hiding out somewhere.

  27. Dragonlady sakura says:

    Holy crap! I love a budget mess. I would actually pay real money to see this play. I’ll keep my fingers cross it happens.

  28. Anoneemouse says:

    And so the Crack Chronicles continue….

  29. marjiscott says:

    This is for whoever hired her: No way this will happen. There is just NO WAY she will be able to do eight shows a week, and party every night like she has been. The only option is to give up drinking/drugging to be able to focus, even then, the damage to her brain and body has been done over the years.. That is permanent. Won’t go away ever. She will always have a damaged brain . They HAVE to know this. It is sounding more like Zero Mostel and Gene Wilder in The Producers more and more.. That was a satire . This is (?) real? No way!

    • RuneRobin says:

      Much like RDJ , Drew B., Keith Richards, and mostly 50% of entertainers in showbiz lose their talent due to substance? Or Lilo is the gold rule in gossipblogverse, where she sleeping with Arab billionares and trying to hit on Kate Moss’s husband?

      • Roger says:

        And even still RDJ and Drew Barrymore will take their opportunity to redeem themselves, acting from zero, never demanding or egocentrical and now at the cream of Hollywood. Too bad Lohan bites the hand who feeds and helps her, act like a delusional narcissist and can’t work with work ethic or more talent.

        Keith Richards, albeit an addict, he has more talent in a finger than Lohan in all her body.

        Or Lilo is the gold rule in gossipblogverse, where she sleeping with Arab billionares

        Or Russian billionaires.

  30. OrangeBlohan says:

    Lindsay probably thought she was gonna be doing speed while riding a plow and playing. Darn it!!

  31. GIRLFACE says:

    Maybe she deported herself because she owes everyone in America money? I don’t blame her for wanting to get out of CA. I’m pretty sure she has no allies state side. Maybe she decided to go look for poor rich schmucks in England? It’s not the worst plan for Cracken but I think she will end up back in the US speeding the plow in Hollywood hotel bathrooms instead of onstage in London.

  32. the original bellaluna says:

    As long as she’s keeping her Cracknanigan-pulling ass out of the US, I feel safe.

    I do feel bad for our fellow Celebitches across the pond, though. Be safe!

  33. Ctkat1 says:

    Oh wow- I’m shocked that this play is happening, though I still have some doubts (ie. how can you have a read through if the two lead roles haven’t been cast? Im pretty sure a read through is done with the whole cast. I’m still calling complete shenanigans on that!)
    As a lover of gossip, the mere possibility that she might try to do 8 performances/week for two months has me excited- imagine all of the stories that will come from that!
    However, I am in the camp of “this will never happen”, based on the history of Lindsay announcing projects that never materialize. This production might go forward, but she won’t be in it.

  34. bettyrose says:

    Doesn’t live theater require a knack at precision timing? Not to mention remembering one’s lines?

  35. littlestar says:

    I think this is a hoax on the director’s part. “Cast” Lindsay in this play, knowing full well she’ll never be able to do it, and then have her understudy take over – I mean, LOOK AT HOW MUCH WE ARE TALKING ABOUT IT AND THE PLAY IS MONTHS AWAY! Perfect publicity.

  36. MrsBPitt says:

    Move Big Ben…I’m Lindsay Lohan!!!! Good Luck England!!!

  37. dorothy says:

    This should be interesting to see how this turns out.

  38. ramona says:

    Am tempted to buy a ticket for opening night, just our of sheer morbid curiosity…

  39. Emily C. says:

    I would be the opposite of shocked to find out there’s some kind of “Springtime for Hitler” scheme going on here.