Lindsay Lohan is apparently back in London (or she will be soon) after her months-long, well-earned-vacation (!) all over Europe. According to Lindsay, the rehearsals for Speed-the-Plow don’t start until August 25th. And she’s totally going to appear on stage every night and remember her lines and everything. Why is everybody laughing?! Anyhoodle, Lohan sat down with the Daily Mail for an epically cracked-out interview about how she takes SOME responsibility for her crackheadedness but most of it isn’t her fault, okay? Seriously, I challenge every one of you to wade through these quotes and not think to yourself, “Damn, Lindsay, maybe you would make more sense if you put down the coke straw for two seconds.”
LL on opening night: ‘I think it’s just the idea of when it starts, on opening night, that’s what makes me the most nervous. I’ll probably mess up on the first night just out of fear. I’m excited about the rehearsals, I’m going to be nervous at first obviously, even in the rehearsals. But I think the more I get comfortable on the stage in rehearsals, the better it will be. I’m nervous for the show. I’m scared. I’ve never done a play before. I’ve never even taken acting lessons, I’ve never done anything like that and it’s something new to me and it’s live.’
Why she moved to London: ‘I wasn’t used to for a long time hearing my name on the television every second, whenever I turned on the TV it was promoting the OWN show and it was just a lot and it was kind of overwhelming and everyone knew where I lived. I moved to New York to find peace and I wanted to do something very real and show people who I am and because it’s a reality show it had to be done a certain way, and things had to look a certain way for ratings. That wasn’t my intention of moving to New York. I again got overwhelmed with that and wanted to get away for a minute and I came to London.’
Her acting method: ‘I’ve always wanted to do theatre and I love doing things live, I don’t act in a way that I do a lot of takes so it’s something different for me and it’s much more respected over here and I wasn’t in a place in the past where I could have done that. With that being said now I’m in a position where I want the diligent schedule, I want to do something different and have people see me as an actress on stage and that’s all they see because I got into this to be an actress.’
Taking some responsibility: ‘I think a lot of people have a misconception of me due to situations I put myself in, things that have been made up about me or manifested and I got into this to be an actress and you know I like to create, to write, I eventually want to direct. I lost a lot of that credibility and I take responsibility for some of it but it’s also an industry where it’s celebrity based and I have been made out to be something like that and I don’t want to be known for that, that’s not why I did this.’
She’s releasing a book but it won’t be about her sexual conquests: ‘I would never write to violate someone else or objectify them, that’s not my intention. I like to write because it’s like therapy for me. I want to put a lot of photos and cool stuff, it will probably be like a trilogy, like Harry Potter because there’s so many.’
What is she even talking about here? ‘I worked with a lot of girls in India that have gone through a lot of stuff, and a lot of kids who have gone through family issues or who get subjected to DUI or anything like that and then the pressure of just being better.’
Believe it or not, I actually made an effort to cull the quotes that made the most sense, even though it was obvious that Lindsay was A) on #AllTheDrugs and B) just saying the same old crack lies that she always says in every interview. It’s sort of funny/sad how many lies she tells, how it’s just her default position at this point. During the interview, she was asked about her extended European vacation with friends and she “says she doesn’t know many people here and she chose to travel to Ibiza and Greece alone for her holiday.” Seriously. Like, she lies about something so obvious. There were photos of her with friends the entire time!!!
Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet and WENN.