Gwyneth Paltrow deigns to teach peasants the proper way to make a bed

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Here are some photos of Gwyneth Paltrow at Friday evening’s Stand Up To Cancer event. Gwyneth executive-produced this year’s telecast, which was broadcast on all four networks on Friday. I didn’t watch it, but it’s a good cause and a lot of celebrities participated, including: Jon Hamm, Reese Witherspoon, Pierce Brosnan, Danny McBride, Mike Meyers and many, many more. You can read more about the fundraiser here.

As some of you mentioned in Friday’s Gwyneth post, Goop has signed on to a new film. Well, sort of. The film is called Secret In Their Eyes and it’s a remake of a popular Argentinian movie which won an Oscar for Best Foreign Film in 2010. Gwyneth has apparently taken a supporting role in the film. Guess who will play the lead? Julia Roberts!! OMG. It will be smug on all sides. It will be the battle of “who annoys you the most?” I actually get annoyed by Julia and Gwyneth in different ways – I can generally sit through Julia’s films and enjoy her as an actress, I just can’t stand her Julia shtick in real life. Gwyneth annoys me on-screen these days though, and as for how she is in real life… well, obviously, she’s a painful elitist, but I tend to think Julia is the bigger pain in the tuchus. The worst part of this whole story? Julia and Gwyneth get to work with the impossibly brilliant Chiwetel Ejiofor. Damn it!

And finally, Gwyneth’s latest Goop-letter is all about beds, bedding, relaxation and sleepy time. You can read her Goop-letter here. People are making fun of her because she actually writes up a step-by-step tutorial on how to make one’s bed. It is simply the ONLY way to make one’s bed if one if a high-class princess, I suppose. Except that she made no mention of hospital corners, which is the way my mom always taught me to use when making the bed. I still make hospital corners because I tend to thrash around until I’m comfortable and unless the flat sheet is properly tucked in, everything is in disarray. I suspect that makes me a peasant failure. You know what else makes me a peasant? During the summer months, I sleep on top of the covers. Like, my bed is made and I just sleep on top of everything, with a light throw in case I get cold. I wonder what Goop would say about that?

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Photos courtesy of WENN.

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69 Responses to “Gwyneth Paltrow deigns to teach peasants the proper way to make a bed”

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  1. Tincy says:

    She has never made a bed in her life.

    • Lady Macbeth says:

      Lol probably not.

      And… Does she not have better things to do than filming bed-making tutorials? :-/

    • annaloo. says:

      “I am who I am. I can’t pretend to be somebody who makes $25,000 a year”

      Precisely why Gwyneth shouldn’t give advice on how to make beds. So rich to give advice on how to make a bed. Stick to what you know, cow: that dried haystack hairdo and your online snob shop.

      • decorative item says:

        Hit the nail on the head!
        If you never have to make a bed, is it in good taste to lecture people who do on how best to accomplish the task? No, of course not! Why doesn’t she understand that this is EXACTLY why people don’t like her.

      • melain says:

        Lol. Yep.

      • Marie says:

        I just scanned the post. She mentioned using a “high-touch” linen service that will wash your sheets and that you can RENT sheets from. So out of touch and exactly what I expected when I clicked the link lol

    • Marie says:

      You win today. Love this comment.

  2. Tiffany27 says:

    Ha! I sleep on top of my covers all the time. It’s kinda strange, but it’s comfortable.

  3. Nev says:

    Gangsta Martha did this already, I remember and better too.

  4. Loopy says:

    Wow Julia and Goop in the same movie,will be interesting, At the Cancer event she took a pic with Jennifer Aniston which was interesting to see two of Brad’s exes in the same pic. Though I know Goop was in the same movie as Angelina a long time ago.

    • Rocketmerry says:

      “And the ‘Unbearably smug’ award goes to…”
      Man, that will be the smug-battle of the century.

  5. decorative item says:

    All I get from this is that she recently made a bed for the first time and really got into the zen of it. After all, if you have only ever made a bed once, and never plan to do it again it would be kind of an interesting, quirky thing to do…right?

  6. Chris says:

    You know what word springs to mind every time I see GP? ‘Desiccated’. Skin, hair…..absolutely arrid.
    I don’t know why her skin should be like this, with her nutrition nous. Swallow some fish and flax oils sweetheart.

  7. Luciana says:

    From what I recall from The Secret in their Eyes, Gwyneth’s character is much bigger than the one Julia will play (it’s a man in the Argentinian version) so God knows what kind of changes they will be introducing. Being said that, I would take Gwyneth any day over Julia.

  8. TX says:

    Raise you hand if you think Goop makes her own bed?…..
    ………oh, literally nobody?
    That’s what I thought.

  9. Scarlett says:

    I have the exact opposite feeling about watching them. I can watch Gwyneth on screen easily. Can not watch Julia. At all.

    • Scarlett says:

      Except in Steel magnolias. And only because of Dolly Parton, and because she dies.

    • Bob Loblaw says:

      I find Julia unwatchable too, it’s her mouth for me, it’s like her face splits in half every time she talks and giant teeth flash before my eyes, I find it very distracting.

  10. Courtney says:

    I love her. I simply can’t help it. She is the 90’s personified to me (a good thing, in my book). I want to watch Sliding Doors, start doing the pencil-thin eyebrow thing again, and wear really minimalist Calvin Klein clothes.

    • Diana says:

      Hahahaaa!!!!!!

    • Scarlet Vixen says:

      Me too! I know she’s a pretentious snob, but I still love her because of the 90s. My college roomie and I watched “Sliding Doors” at least weekly for like, 2 years straight in college (with “Emma” or “Great Expectations” thrown in often for a Gwynnie double feature). I actually think she occasionally makes her bed, but only so she can revel in her awesome mothering skillz. 😉

      But yeah, no hospital corners? Nope. Ask anyone who’s been in the military how to make a bed–we’ll show you the REAL right way. LoL

      • Chris says:

        Damn right Vixen
        Crisp bedmaking’s one thing I did learn at boarding school. (Every morning at 6: Beds stripped, blankets etc folded, march over to Mass. Return and make bed….with hospital corners.)
        The lessons stayed….total rejection of religion, but perfect bedmaking skills.

    • lirko says:

      Yep! The 90’s in a nutshell…you nailed it!

    • Mischa Jane says:

      Yep, I loved her so much in the 90s. My eyebrows however have never filled in much. I wish I’d known that would be the case back then ugh.

    • Courtney says:

      I’m so jealous of her pre-Chris Martin romantic life. She bagged a few super hot guys while they were in their prime. IMO, Chris was a downgrade.

    • Luciana says:

      Yes, please!

      She rocked the 90s style.

    • Jayna says:

      I loved her in the ’90s and I loved all of her movies. I think she looks great in this skirt and T-shirt.

  11. poppy says:

    frotox + filler overload. and she still manages to look crispy.

    • Azurea says:

      Yeah, she’s had Botox around her mouth. I’ve never seen her smile in just this way, or rather, when she does, it doesn’t look like it does here. The giveaway is the looooong upper lip.

  12. greenmonster says:

    “…your bed isn’t at its best right now, particularly if you’re a fan of all-white sheets. Sweat, sand, and sunscreen don’t really do linens any favors—nor do they make the most inviting bed.” Uhm… Sunscreen and sand in my bed? Not so much. Guess what Gwyneth, I wash my bedlinen every now and then. I even take showers to get rid of sunscreen, sand and other dirt before I go to bed. I might start my own website and tell people about all those freaky habits I have: taking showers, washing bedline, washing the dishes, dusting…

  13. Wren says:

    Eh, let her have her fun. I enjoy both women on film and find them boring to annoying when they’re appearing as themselves.

    I myself never make the bed unless I’m putting fresh sheets on it. I don’t use a top sheet because Mr. Wren hotdogs the covers and no amount of hospital corners keeps that stupid flat sheet in place. Since I hate making the bed and refused to do it every morning after he’d ruined it, I just did away with the top sheet and wash the comforter when it needs it instead.

    • Bob Loblaw says:

      I do a fitted sheet, flat sheet, and comforter if needed, I never tuck. We have a Cal. King mattress in a sleigh bed, it’s not possible to tuck anyway. I make the bed most days and try to do the sheets every week but I am lazy about that. My husband doesn’t care at all if the bed is made or the sheets clean. I once had to go care for my mom for two months and when I got back he hadn’t washed or changed the sheets. Those sheets were filthy and he didn’t even notice. He cleaned up everything else and did the laundry before I got home. Just completely missed the sheet situation. He does this with towels too, always hangs them up to dry and never thinks to wash them no matter how weird they smell.

  14. Rae says:

    What are hospital corners? I don’t tuck in my corners because I like to wrap the bottom of the sheet around my feet. If I’m staying in a hotel or something, the first thing I do is pull out the corners and tuck them under my feet.

    • lirko says:

      Me, too! Can’t stand it when my feet are “trapped” lol!

    • Lucy2 says:

      I immediately have to pull the sheets out. I can’t stand having it all tucked in!

    • Bob Loblaw says:

      Hospital corners, it’s an old term, describing the proscribed way to make a bed up with sheets for a patient in the hospital. At that time all sheets were flat and the bottom sheet would be neatly folded at the corners and tucked under the mattress corners to stay tight and taut, thus “hospital corners”. Nurses, etc. were all taught to make beds this way.

  15. Jacqueline says:

    My sheets, top and bottom, must be smooth so I love hospital corners, too. I can’t sleep in a rumpled bed.

    Goop is so smug that she probably Dutch-ovens herself, cause she likes the way it smells

  16. Mischa Jane says:

    I hate hate hate a messy bed, so I can’t even judge her for this. I’m that person who doesn’t like anyone sitting on my freshly made bed. I was even that way as a child, it would stress me out so much when my best friend would come over and lounge on my bed, lol.

  17. LaurieH says:

    For someone who fancies herself as a style/beauty authority, how it is even possible that she remains so blissfully unaware that her hair looks like re-heated, leftover crap? It looks fried and scraggly, particularly the ends. The center part is unflattering and outdated. She’s been sporting this stringy, over-processed Laurie Partridge look for too long now (save for when she decides to “change it up” by sporting a ponytail). Personally, I think the most flattering haircut she ever had was the one she had in Sliding Doors (when she and Brad got matching haircuts). It suited her well, it was sophisticated and she is one of very few woman fortunate enough to pull it off. But no….by all means, keep wearing your hair as an homage to Marcia Brady.

  18. Diana B says:

    Why do they need a remake of that remarkable and just all around perfect movie? It is a very specific topic with the argentinian dictatorship. Even though the stoty stans on its own, the political context plays an important part. Why can’t Hollywood leave great things along? why do they have to ruin everything with remakes?

    • Luciana says:

      I agree with you. It’s an unnecessaty remake.

    • Diana B says:

      Oops. meant to say ALONE, why can’t Hollywood leave things alone?

    • Candy love says:

      I have to agree and they are setting themselves up for failure. I original movie is only 5 years old and won an Oscar for Best Foreign Film in 2010 how do they expect to compete with that.

  19. Midnight says:

    I will ask again. . . doesn’t this woman own a hair brush?

  20. Twinkle says:

    Several thoughts: 1) gwyneth has had some sort of work done. She’s looking refreshed. Not her usual haggard and sun damaged look of late. I think she had some serious peel or laser resurfacing. 2) I can’t stand either of of these actresses’ ability. Julia’s version of acting is always pursing her lips and rolling her eyes in contempt. That’s her emoting. As for gwyneth, I’ll admit I don’t see enough of her films to really judge. Just because I don’t want to enrich her with my hard earned money and she’s just annoyingly. Period.

  21. Paloma says:

    I detest them both; maybe Julia a smidge more.

  22. Jayna says:

    I need help on how to make up a bed. I do an awful job and just disguise it.

  23. Sandra says:

    My uncle who is pretty wealthy once told me, a struggling college student, this crazy idea “Did you know you can save a lot of money by making your own dinner?” He then proceeded to tell me in detail about how he made spaghetti, like it was the most fascinating thing in this world. Goops post reminds me of that

  24. lily says:

    Wow Gwyneth thanks! Can you please teach us the proper way to wipe our butts next. Please.

  25. ol cranky says:

    *sigh* I don’t even bother to make my bed unless I’m expecting company that may go upstairs for some reason

  26. TW says:

    It’s a bit insulting… As if we all don’t know how to make beds. I remember a church once required all ladies to attend a class on hygiene. They talked about washing between your toes. It was the most insulting hour ever required of me. Here’s a truly helpful hint: Someone told me once to sleep with one leg under and one atop the covers to regulate a comfortable body temp. I’ve no idea why, but it does seem to work. Have a good week everyone.

  27. idsmith says:

    Team Julia. I can forgive Julia’s smugness because she was everything in the late 80’s early 90’s. Julia really was the big deal she still thinks she is. Gwyneth never came close. So Julia annoys me way less. She earned her smugness, Gwyneth inherited hers.

  28. Publicity says:

    She has this deer-in-the-lights look now. I do think all the negative publicity of the past 5 years or so have hit her hard. On the other hand she’s the queen of vapid statements and her observations make good headlines.

  29. LAK says:

    No hospital corners? Computer says fail!!

  30. CG says:

    WTF. Who the hell did the casting for this movie? The Secret in Their Eyes is an amazing, powerful film about a turbulent period in Argentinean history (most of Latin America had a similar period), and they decided to cast two actresses who have no empathy? I do applaud Chiwetel Ejiofor’s casting in the Ricardo Darin role. He will definitely carry this film.

  31. Fartsack says:

    Not only can military make a bed but us old time nurses do a great job as well. I can tie a flat sheet tight as a drum head to make a fitted sheet as well. Plus, Goop doesn’t sleep with dogs in her bed. What is life, if not that?

    • Chris2 says:

      My 3 cats definitely believe that bed-making must always involve them. (They sleep on it too of course) Shake out a sheet to lie perfectly aligned, and they’re in like Flynn underneath playing hide’n’seek, and putting on a fresh duvet cover takes ten minutes, in spite of my nifty method.

      Which prompts a query: are duvets not so popular in the States? I use a flat bottom sheet, as fitted ones are a bugger to fold and store, but that’s all my bed involves)

  32. jwoolman says:

    Once beyond my mother’s influence, I decided to follow the “airing out” school of thought concerning bed making. Besides, who wants to disturb a sleeping cat?