Today rolled out part of their interview with Janay Rice as promised. Last Friday, I recapped the whole mess so far, which was topped with Janay’s ESPN interview. Obviously, Janae decided to stay with Ray even after he knocked her unconscious in an elevator. Janay insisted that Ray was never violent before that fateful Valentine’s Day evening. It’s hard to believe those words when Ray clearly spit on her, which started the physical fight. Janay doesn’t see herself as a victim, and she’s willing to do whatever it takes to help Ray get back on the field. I do feel terribly for their 2-year-old daughter, but Janay will leave the marriage only when she’s ready. It’s sad.
Matt Lauer visited Janay and Ray at their home. They put on a happy family show. Her parents were there too. Janay hustles with tears and smiles during this interview. I can’t get the video clips to stop autoplaying, but you can watch them here. There are some telling answers to Lauer’s questions:
On remaining silent: “That’s been the hardest part, is having so much of your life made public and have it all be negative. That’s the hardest part. Is not having control over anything that has to do with you. It’s a natural thing for a human to want to come out and say, ‘No, no. That’s not me,’ or, ‘No, that’s not true.’ But it’s like a battle that we just can’t win.”
On the footage release: “We knew that it was going to happen. We didn’t know exactly when it was going to happen. But there was no preparing us for that at all. When I saw that it was horrible you can’t make excuses for anything, but we were highly intoxicated. And in the moment you’re not thinking about, ‘Oh my god. I’m on camera in an elevator.’ So of course people are going to read into everything and pick at everything about the situation. We understand that.'”
Has she watched the second tape? “No. I refuse. I refuse. I’m not going to let the public bring me back there.”
Has there been any more physical abuse? “No. Not at all. Ray knows me. And there’s no way. He knows what he would have to deal with, you know, if this was something. You know, I’m not going to sit there in silence and let something happen to me — and God forbid, in front of my child, just like, let it happen? There’s no way.”
On the press conference: “I was ready to do anything that was going to help the situation. Help the way we looked in the media. Help his image. Help obviously his career. So, you know, they told us earlier that week we would do the press conference.”
Did the Ravens ask/tell her to apologize? “They suggested it. Yes. They basically gave us a general script.”
On the reaction to her apology: “That was frustrating for me, because obviously people took it as, you know, I’m taking light off of what Ray did. In no way. I was basically, not doing what I was told, but at the same time I didn’t think it was completely wrong for me to apologize, because at the end of the day I got arrested, too, so I did something wrong, too. Not taking any light off of what Ray did because I agree with everybody else. He was wrong.”
Why didn’t Ray publicly apologize to her? “I mean, in our mind, it’s obvious. He apologized to me more than once. Countless amounts of times. I’m sitting there next to him, so I wouldn’t be sitting there next to him if I wasn’t the first person to get an apology. There’s no way. But the whole thing was awkward. We were just doing what we had to do to get it over and done with.”
[From Today]
Janay chose not to ever watch the second video, which … fine. What’s troubling is how the video (to her) symbolizes the public dragging her down, not the abuse that occurred. Sort of how she blamed the media for “her horrible nightmare.” I feel like Janay’s been brainwashed since the whole elevator incident happened. The Ravens made her apologize, and she admits as much to Matt Lauer. Janay says it’s her choice to help get Ray back into a job, but all along, she’s been told that she’s at fault. She truly thinks she did something wrong.
Will this massive PR campaign work? ESPN says that at least four teams are looking to sign Rice. They’re probably waiting out the public reaction to these interviews.
Photos courtesy of NBC
I wish this woman thought more highly of herself.
I wish all women thought higher of themselves and men as well. Women should know they have the power to get a better deal from life and men should know that beating up the woman you love and then standing by as she fights to pull you out of shit is not a dignified way to live a life – that is already very short.
It’s so difficult to make them see that, though. I have a niece who is married to an abuser. He has isolated her from her entire family, she has no freedom and he insisted that she have two babies with him back to back (she already had a child and didn’t want anymore—which he was fully in agreement with when they got married). He didn’t want the older child-the one that’s not “his”- around so he made her give up custody to the father. He was also convicted of physically abusing his second wife (niece is the third wife). It’s a bad situation. We’ve tried to help her get away from him but she’s still in the “but he really loves me” mindset. It’s breaking our hearts.
We just hope she’ll come around before it’s too late. I agree it comes down to her not thinking very highly of herself; I don’t know why. She is beautiful…I mean supermodel beautiful and could have any guy she wanted but she settled for this horrible person.
@Samihami
I’m sad she’s already given up on her first child, does she maintain any kind of regular visitation with them?
No, she doesn’t. The one bright spot is that my family gets to see the child now. The bio dad is very generous in allowing us to see her whenever we want to. As far as we are concerned, he is family. We’ve never seen the two babies, though-we’re not allowed.
@samihami, I wish the best for your niece. My daughter has a relationship where he was trying to isolate her and luckily she had enough confidence to end it. Hopefully she is seeing her son. He is better off with his dad as he won’t learn that hitting someone is okay. I feel for her other two children.
As someone who was raised in incredible physical violence and verbal abuse, I am glad this incident has forced domestic violence into the public conversation.
I am certain this woman was raised in physical violence too, or she would have the self-esteem to see this is not normal behavior or the actions of a caring and consistent partner. The other reason is material or economic. She may genuinely fear not having the economic resources or the education to provide for herself if she leaves this man.
Therapists call this ‘gaslighting’ and another poster on a different forum recommended a book on this topic by Robin Stern.
To Samihami. I am so sorry to hear of your nieces horrifying husband, I know we day they can only help themselves but I believe they are so down, they need saving, I truly hope shefinds peace for herself and children
But, CZ Guest, that isn’t necessarily true. My niece was raised in a very loving household where there was no abuse. Her sister grew up in the same household, same parents, same schools, etc. and that niece has turned out to be a strong, confident and independent young woman. We all scratch our heads wonder why the older niece stays with him. She knows that she has a family that loves her and will help her get out and get on her feet whenever she wants us to, so she knows she has resources. Yet…argh. It makes me crazy.
There’re worse things than being alone. I don’t know why people are so fixated on being defined by a relationship or the lack there of.
Ick, I just watched a few minutes of the interview with her parents. Disgusting, absolutely disgusting. So they are obviously ALL living off his NFL money.
If that were my daughter… NO WAY would I stand by her abuser on national TV and stay silent while she apologized for getting violently assaulted. That is a big parenting fail right here. SMH.
i CANNOt Imagine my dad or stepdad or uncle standing there jaw grinding gripping the kitchen counter DEFENDING the dude that Punched my lights out on national tv instead of, Um, You know..bearly killing his ass, all in service to NFL Money
umm what QQ said.
Spot on! The whole lot of them are gross, money grabbing & amoral & they dont give a f**k how low they have to go to keep all those NFL $$$$$$ coming in!
My DH would be like QQ’s dad, stepdad, and uncle. Well, maybe not because if any man ever hurts MY girls, Mama Bear Nopity will f**k him up before my DH even has a chance to ball his hands into fists.
There isn’t enough money in all the world that would be worth it to let my daughters stay with an abuser. It’s sick.
I have a question:
Janay Rice has received a lot of criticism for remaining in a relationship with Ray Rice. She has been called horrible names like stupid and gold digger. She has been accused of staying because she didn’t want to loose her lifestyle. Here is my question: Not one word has been said about Camille Cosby. No name calling. No questioning why she stay married to a sexual predator for over 50 years. She hasn’t been forced to apologize. No interviews, no video tapes, no criticism. No questions about how much did she know. Not one word. He name has yet to come up in one article so far.
Janay is a young woman with little life experience. Camille was the role model , the standard for many women to live up to. Why does she get a pass?
Her mother is sitting beside her making excuses. I’m sorry if my kid got knocked out by her husband, my husband better get over there and knock this punk out, get her stuff, and get out of there.
You don’t start domestic violence with a knock out punch. This stuff escalates. No way that was first time.
This. It was clearly not the first time he punched her. He treated her like garbage when he pulled her out of the escalator and wasn’t even slightly concerned…
Oh yeah. This times eleventy billion. No way was this his first time at the rodeo. He’s been hitting her for years if she’s become such a practiced apologist for him. If this really were the first time he hit her — and to knock her out on national tv — she’d be shellshocked. The fact that she’s so blase speaks to years of conditioning, gaslighting and brainwashing.
Where is Ray’s apology tour?
Exactly. He should have started at the press conference. Anything he says now I won’t believe.
I am a football fan. I will be very upset if he gets picked up. The nfl has commercials now on domestic violence. Where was this earlier in the year?
If they both did ‘something wrong’, then why is she the face of misdeed apologetic? He is only proving the point that he BLAMES her entirely, by putting her front and center to do the groveling. It’s such a classic dynamic of domestic abuse where the abuser gaslights the victim into believing, “I didn’t want to hit you, but you made me do it”. Does the NFL even notice how much f-ckery is in play here? And how much WORSE this makes Ray look?
i can’t with this story anymore, seriously. it nauseates me.
classic cycle of domestic violence indeed – she MADE him do it, it was HER fault. i don’t see rice kissing anyone’s a$$ (hers would be nice), apologizing, making amends with fans. he doesn’t give a flying rat’s a$$. he’ll be picked up in a hot second once some team decides that the public has moved on. and those anti-DV ads during commercial breaks are just PR and lip service. i highly, highly doubt that anything of substance has changed on the ground. keep making money, and doing whatever you want to women and children. and we’ll just keep watching these men and praising them for their aggression and violence on the field, and keep pretending like we expect them to turn that aggression off after the game ends.
“he’ll be picked up in a hot second once some team decides that the public has moved on. and those anti-DV ads during commercial breaks are just PR and lip service.”
Yeah exactly. This dude still has a career ahead of him.
When she’s asked if he’s ever done it before it’s so obvious that she’s lying. It’s clear that she’s used to being on the defense and convincing herself that this is normal for a long time.
Kiddo, “Does the NFL even notice how much f-ckery is in play here?” My thoughts exactly. I cannot fathom this. At all.
Ag, “he’ll be picked up in a hot second once some team decides that the public has moved on.” You’re absolutely right. And I am sick, just sick, at the thought. Seriously, the more I read, the more I want to throw up.
It just goes to show us women AGAIN how disposable we are held to be by society.
Exactly. I get the feeling that behind closed doors she is being yelled at and blamed for him losing his career, at least temporarily, hopefully permanently. She is hustling, and it is so sad.
I know. So sad and utterly frightening.
That’s how I feel. That she’s doing all of this hustling, because it’s worse for her if she doesn’t.
I can, actually, believe that this may have been the first time Ray punched her seriously. Not the first time he shoved her, or “playfully” punched her in the shoulder, or destroyed something in front of her — but the first time he did something she couldn’t deny was genuine physical abuse. However, I hardly think this was the beginning of the cycle of abuse. It will most likely get worse from here.
Should she have slapped him? Of course not. Does that in any way excuse this much larger, much stronger man punching her into unconsciousness? Of course not. The fact that she’s been brainwashed into seeing an equivalency between the two makes me believe that she will find new and creative ways to blame herself the next time he injures her, up until the point that she ends up hospitalized — and she may not stop blaming herself even then.
It’s very sad, and it’s a tragedy for their daughter.
Agreed, Rhiley.
Ugh, this story just makes my heart ache.
I can’t bring myself to watch any video of these two, but let me guess… Ray stands there, meek and mute, making Janay look like “the strong one”, implying her culpability in the assault and choice in staying so that the next time the dv is made public, everyone can point at this interview and say, “See?? She knew, and she stayed anyway!”.
/Puke.
very good question
I know! I don’t get it. I don’t get it at all. Every interview she’s done so far make it seem like SHE was the abuser. *shaking my head in disgust*
She’s in self preservation mode. Ray holds the power, authority, safety. She will keep him at peace to survive. She might not even be aware of this, but it’s what happens in these cases. Your instincts kick in on such a level you’ll actually believe you did something wrong to sell that to your abuser so they believe you believe it’s the truth. If that makes sense.
She’s surviving. And in time hopefully things will calm and she’ll be stronger. Her mind will clear and she’ll see she wasn’t deserving of his actions.
Can we please also ask where and when Matt Lauer is going to apologize for THIS??? What message is this sending to young people? Hell, to all people? To trot this woman out in front of cameras and use her story for ratings is disgusting but we’re used to this by now. What I cannot believe is how this show enables Ray Rice. And that poor child. So Janay doesn’t want to go back “there” by watching the video but dragging her kid in front of cameras is a-okay??? Yes, she’s the victim here. Doesn’t make it okay to drag the kid into the unholy mess that is this public display or f*ckery.
I have special hate for Matt Lauer today. It’s only trumped by my hate for Ray Rice (and possibly those other “adults”).
excellent points. lauer and his network SHOULD be ashamed. but, hey – profits.
she is constantly pointing at everyone else that caused her pain? No, he punched you and you apologized? What kind of strange world are we living in that you apologize for your face getting in the way of his fist?
This was certainly not the first time he hit her, nor the last
Didn’t Cheney apologise for Bush shooting him years back?
Cheney shot someone.
Kiddo’s right, Cheney was the one who shot someone. In the HEAD. And that friend did proceed to apologize.
Cheney filled his friend’s face with birdshot, IIRC, and Brittney B is right; the friend did apologize/ dismiss Cheney’s responsibility. Again, IIRC, the conditions/situation was questionable as to whether it was truly an accident vs. malicious act, but the friend’s dismissal removed Cheney from the hot seat.
Who’d think a guy who bombed and dropped white P on innocent people would also act upon the instinct to shoot his “friend” in the face- I mean, c’mon guys, Dick didn’t do it purposefully!
/s
Oh the good old days, VP shoots buddy not a big deal
He said he was sorry in public and private. For how horrible Cheney is and was he did the right thing there.
It always amazes me that the fact Cheney and Sr. Bush were/are CIA is never brought up, They were at the top, if they weren’t doing wet work they ordered it all the time. the head of the CIA!! Do I think Cheney shot his “friend” on purpose? Of course he did
nope, DEF not the first. abusers don’t start out with a full-on face punch.
I feel bad for her, but until SHE realizes what she’s married to, things aren’t going to change.
I hope that no NFL team is dumb enough to pick him up.
I hope they don’t have kids.
Sadly they have a 2 year old daughter.
And just look at the behaviour that poor little girl is learning is acceptable. She’s learning that it’s just fine if men hit you — worse, she’s learning that it’s *your fault*. That poor kid doesn’t have a chance.
I honestly don’t think any team would be stupid enough to sign him. But then again, i don’t watch football unless the Cowboys are on (fan by default since the bf is a loyal Boys fan… ride or die, i guess??? also, Jason Witten) so what do i know.
She’s beautiful. I hope she finds whatever she is looking for. I hope she’s right about it being a one-time event, eventhough i’m not convinced.
EDIT: I totally don’t believe that this was the first time Ray has hit her. I hope she finds the strength to leave, especially because there is a small child involved. And yes, i have seen the videos too. I saw how he spit on her and the level of concern he had after pulling her body out of the elevator. It was sickening. It was heartbreaking. But i understand why she is saying all these things. I just hope she’s right about half of them – for her own sake. And the child’s too.
he’ll be picked up by another very quickly once this blows over a bit. there are millions of dollars are stake for everyone involved. that always seems to trump morality.
He will be picked up. It’s not a case of being “stupid”, it’s always about $$$$ with the NFL.
Remember the backlash against Michael Vick?
He plays for the Jets now.
If Ray Rice was a less than average player, he’d be done, but as long as he’s still viable and able to make a team money, he’ll get picked up.
Oh, Kitten.
This nearly brings tears to my eyes. It is so horribly unfair.
Kitten and Ag,
I guess the both of you are right when you say money is everything. But the fallout from the Ray Rice incident was quite severe, which is why i don’t think any team would risk signing him. Maybe i’m just too naive? The bf says the Colts would be highly interested because they need a running back (?) and he also said the same thing as you, Kitten, which is that Rice is still a pretty good player and that makes him valuable.
tifzlan – i would hope that no team would take him, but they will. the fallout hasn’t made a dent in their profits or their culture. things will be at status quo soon enough. it’s all nauseating. (i might be more cynical because i’m almost 40 and have been around the proverbial block a few times.)
@Kitten I think the cases of Vick and Rice are different enough that there is some hope that rice will not be picked up. On the money side, Vick is a QB, a higher demand position than RB. On the moral side, Vick did jail time for his crimes, has admitted personal culpability and hasn’t attempted to blame others, and no longer engages in dogfighting. Rice hasn’t faced any consequences, is encouraging the public to blame the victim, and probably still abuses Janay. I also personally think domestic abuse is much worse than animal abuse but I understnad than ymmv on that
@Alexis-do you know how many players have been guilty of domestic violence and only been suspended for a game, or not penalized at all, nevermind dropped entirely?
http://www.cnn.com/2014/09/09/us/nfl-players-domestic-violence-accusations/index.html
This is the NFL we’re talking about. Not only do they have a history of tolerating domestic violence but they consistently turn a blind eye to it in favor of profit.
The only reason why the Rice story was so big was because the undeniable video evidence was released but make no mistake: Ray Rice is not the only football player beating his wife.
Ray Lewis, Pacman Jones, Michael Irvin, Tank Johnson, and Darrell Russell—all violent players and all sustained lucrative football careers.
Look, I really hope I’m wrong but I think a lot of people here are being a bit naïve.
Kitten
And those are the ones who were found out. Hardly a stretch to assume a much higher number is there, but goes unreported. It’s sad it comes down to dollars.
@Kitten – yeah, it’s pretty terrible. I think you’re right that expectations should remain low with respect to the NFL’s policing of domestic violence. The people who run the NFL (comissh, owners, GMs, and all) are horrible enablers of all sorts of violence. And I think we’re getting at the same point. Mine is basically that the only reason why there’s a prayer that Rice might not get a job is that he’s a RB.
Because the money issue still stands. None of the players you mentioned play RB. Fair or not, skilled defensive players and WRs are also much more valued than RBs. Furthermore, I do think the social context is different for the Rice case than most of the other guys you mentioned. There’s a lot more attention to this matter and that comes with higher expectations. The attention-level and the amount of evidence available is really only analogous to Vick. If not for media attention AND that video, Ray Rice would have been playing for the Ravens from week 3. Without evidence, fans can tell themselves stories. Ravens fans can say that Lewis had nothing to do with the murders at the club, Steelers fans can say that Ben Roethlisberger just happened to get it in with publicity-seeking liars on three separate occasions, etc., etc…
That makes sense and I hope you’re right, Alexis. I’m hearing a rumor about Rice being “Belichick stock” which frightens the p-ss out of me as I’m a Patriots fan.
Sigh.
I will put money on the fact that some NFL team will sign him. I *guarantee* it. Do you think women’s rights matter to the NFL? **REALLY???** You heard what Janae said about the team making HER apologize, didn’t you? And you heard about all those other teams interested in Rice, right? Do you really think that the NFL has any shame at all? They’ll throw a few bucks at domestic violence initiatives, maybe have Rice do a few PSAs and call it a day. But they’ll sign him. Oh yes they will. Maybe not right away (though that wouldn’t surprise me either) but they’ll sign him. The NFL has demonstrated time and again what it thinks of women — from what it pays its cheerleaders, to the sexual harassment of women reporters, to Favre’s dick pics, to the cover up of domestic violence and rape perpetrated by its players — do I have to go on? It’s beyond argument that the NFL’s prime directive is profit. What’s also clear is that the organization is hugely misogynistic. I hope nobody is holding their breath expecting the NFL to do the right thing here.
@Kitten – ugh. I’ve also heard that rice is a classic pats pickup. 🙁
Hope springs eternal. I’m a Giants fan. Our team is a disaster in general and especially at RB and I really hope we don’t bring in Peterson or Rice. Especially not Rice.
Why should he not be signed because of what he did. If that was the case no abusers, should be able to make a living in his profession. What he did was inexcusable but it is easy for some to sit and judge the actions of others when some of you have been cheated on or your man had kids outside of the marriage or the man have been verbally abusive. It is her life and her decision. Whatever the price she will be the one to pay. Different strokes for different folks.
Because the NFL sells itself as wholesome, to the point where Janet Jackson’s bared nipple was considered an assault on their brand, but a player knocking his wife out cold and dragging her unconscious body carelessly out of an elevator is ‘family hour’? I don’t like the violence of the sport to begin with, but if they intend to maintain a female fan base, then they have to consider the callousness of one their own within the organization: Who never publicly stated that he regretted his actions, but sent his wife out instead to bear the burden of the event. Not exactly manning up, making the woman the sacrificial lamb.
Who knows what he said to her? Like, if you leave me I will hunt you down and kill you for ruining my career? He is a vicious wife beater who in all likelihood WILL, at some point, stoop that low again.
Janay gives me the sads. So deluded that she doesn’t even realize she’s deluded. I don’t even think he needed to threaten her. She saw her lifestyle slipping away and gladly did whatever was necessary to maintain it.
SANTIA you are probably exactly right. I just hate to think of stooping so low for a fancy car or a maybe a shot at reality TV. The whole family seems to benefit from her staying. Ugh.
People keep saying she hit him first. She actually slapped him AFTER he repeatedly spit on her.
She has nothing to apologize for but she’s a classic victim of abuse…I just wish she would get help or at least not talk to the media about it and giving young girls any ideas about this in any way being okay.
It’s all so staged and scripted to save his career. Ugh. I hope no team hires him.
Best wishes to their daughter. I hope she grows up to be one of those people who realizes how wrong the situation was, and breaks the cycle for herself.
Right, and she even admits it! This is so effed up I can’t stomach it anymore.
At any point did Ray apologize to her? I know in the recap it says that he didn’t apologize publicly, but does she every acknowledge that he did apologize at all?
I think that would speak volumes if she said that he did, either if it was done behind doors or in public.
It clearly states in the interview that he apologized multiple times behind closed doors. Read before commenting, people.
And you believe that???!!!!
Since she apologised to HIM in public, apologised for the incident in public.
She states quite clearly that she was made to go along with whatever the PTB decided to go with including her very public apology.
Somehow, I don’t believe anything as far as his actions that she’s reading from the script she’s clearly being made to stick to.
HE needs to apologise IN PUBLIC to her and for the incident.
And not a ‘sorry, you are offended’ type non apology apology!!
@LAK I never said I believe it. Steph asked if Janay “acknowledged Ray apologized at all”, which she did… doesn’t mean it’s true. I definitely think it’s messed up that she’s the one apologizing publicly instead of him, but would it really help at the end of the day? Everyone would think his apology is BS/orchestrated by the NFL.
This is so sad, the classic abuser-abusee dynamic and then on top of it all SHE has to go on national television to make excuses for her abuser. I wish I gave two shits about football so I could somehow boycott the Ravens/stop giving two shits. Absurd. And with the Today show condoning this, as if this were normal behaviour…
This whole thing makes me so sad. This type of abuse doesn’t happen in a vacuum. I’m willing to bet that there is toxicity throughout every part of this relationship. She will leave him, it is a given, but hopefully before she ends up in the hospital or dead. She is going to be so embarrassed after she leaves and is looking back at these interviews. You have to be in a pretty bad head space to defend the man who cold clocks you and leaves your unconscious body in an elevator.
The spitting on her was just so gross and disrespectful in the first place. Ugh. That alone shows how little he values her.
+1 It’s shocking to me that anyone would stay in that situation.
The answer to whether or not abuse has continued is awkward and pretty much side steps a response. He wouldn’t do it again because he “knows me.” Um, they had been together nearly 8 years, at the time, I’m pretty sure he knew who he was knocking out. And I absolutely call foul on any claim that this was an isolated incident. This is symptomatic of continued abuse, culminating in the elevator incident because he had gotten pretty bold with his violence.
Spitting on a person is actually legally considered assault in most states.
He spits on her, SLAPS her, then punches her. I don’t get the people down thread saying she slapped him too. All I saw was her shoving him after he slapped her.
I agree, Sayrah. If my husband ever spat on me, that would be game over, the end, DUNZO. I also can’t imagine any possible scenario in which such a thing could ever conceivably happen, no matter the amount of booze or annoyance involved. The whole thing just makes me very sad. Contempt is not something that should exist inside a loving relationship, even during the bad times.
He does it twice too! He did it the second time in the elevator in my opinion to clearly to get her to react. Disgusting person.
Seriously, spitting at someone is the ultimate insult. And to the people saying to let her apologize, by her apologizing, it makes the incident seem like a fight that got out of hand. He instigated it by spitting, twice, then she retaliates and he punches her knocking her out cold. It was an assault and she doesn’t want to face it so in her mind she really believes it was just a fight too. Very sad.
To me spitting on someone says that they are beneath contempt, have no value, that you disdain them. I personally could not get passed being spit on, let alone slapped and punched hard enough to be knocked out. That’s head trauma. Your brain rattled around in your head hard enough that consciousness stopped. The whole thing is sad. And, sadly I am cynical enough to believe he’ll probably get a job after this PR tour.
I highly doubt this was the first time he has ever hit her- they way he knocked her out and spit on her? I’m sure they have fought before. It is obvious she is sugar coating everything just to stay with him for the money.
Yes, and she “did something wrong”? I didn’t see her dragging an unconscious body around. Wake up! Or the next time you might not wake up at all.
Denial is a powerful thing.
Again, the only thing obvious from these interviews: This was not the first time.
Janay was probably taught by her parents to value her husband’s millions and the image of a happy family life more than her own safety and happiness. This is why her father was so quick to forgive this man who had assaulted his daughter. Does anyone really think her father would tell her to stay if Ray was a regular Joe making minimum wage? This is about money. If Janay does not even have the support of her own parents to walk away, then I doubt she has anyone in her inner circle who will tell her that she deserves better than this.
^THIS how can her parents support this? Can you imagine what it must feel like to have your parents, the people who are supposed to protect you, endorse your abuser on TV!?
+1, sadly.
Ugh, I can’t even imagine.
Hopefully her parents don’t have the same dynamic in their relationship. Since often, abused women come from households with abusers…. Hell, even if it only happened once, who would marry this guy AFTERWARDS?!
I agree. This is all about the money and lifestyle. Getting Ray Rice back on the field and bringing in the bucks puts enormous pressure on Janay to stay and forgive. This reminds me of the disgusting practice of a disgraced politician trotting out his wife to “stand by” him to save his position.
It’s more about self preservation than anything else.
Since you don’t know the man but her father does you are assuming. She can divorce him and still get money from him.People are quick to judge because they feel actions speak louder then words. But in this case this father know this man and I doubt any father would want his daughter to sacrifice herself for money. Most of us have done things we regretted an you don’t know all the details of the incident or the aftermath.
Really Betty?!
Go take a look at Nicole Brown Simpson’s family history with OJ and then come back and say no father would sacrifice their daughter for money.
The idea that no father would sacrifice their child for money is laughable when we can fill a stadium and then some of parents who would and do.
Most of us have regretted something. Most of us have also not knocked out someone, especially someone we’re engaged to. Your attempts at rationalizing his behavior are very disturbing.
This disgusts me…I feel physically sick listening to this girl defend his actions….he’s the kind of person I almost hope something horrible happens to
I doubt there is much left to say about her behavior …. everyone knows she is an abused spouse…everyone but her
I hope she finds it in herself to leave him…but i doubt it
Its absolutely shameful that her parents participated in the interview in ANY way. What kind of parent shows up to publicly support their daughter’s abusive marriage and let their grandchild grow up in an abusive home?
THANK YOU!!! Any man who lifted a hand to my daughter would have to run from me for the rest of his life.
She shouldn’t have put hands on him, just like he shouldn’t have put hands on her. If she wanted to apologize for getting violent with him, then let her apologize. I don’t know why it’s such a hard concept to grasp. No one should be hitting anyone. Yes he is much stronger and did far more damage than she did, however she did slap him as well. This does not condone what happened or what he did to her, it is her acknowledging that she also got violent with him which is wrong no matter what. Again, NO ONE SHOULD BE HITTING ANYONE.
There’s a whole lot of context that just seems to whooshing violently over your head.
WHOOSH!
No, there is a whole lot of stuff people keep focusing on aside from the obvious. Yes, domestic violence is bad. Yes, it’s terrible that it happened. His actions were vile, the NFL lifting the ban is vile, her parents standing there next to them smiling for the cameras is vile. However, all I keep seeing is how she shouldn’t have apologized. “Why apologize? He spit on her, gross.” She hit him. I don’t know why people seem to think it is okay for a woman to hit a man. It is not okay for anyone to hit anyone. She slapped him. She is apologizing for slapping him. Why is that wrong? That is admits she got violent as well? Why is that so bad that she is a woman acknowledging that she shouldn’t have hit him? I think its a great thing for her say, something that needs to be said. Everyone needs to hear it. Being a woman does not give you a free pass to hit a man. It is unacceptable. Period. Reading anything more into that is where all the bs comes in. She got violent, she admits it, she apologized. He apologized to her. I’m not saying now everything should be hunky-dory between them. They need help obvs. But why is it such a horrible thing that she is saying in front of everyone that it is not okay for anyone to be hitting anyone?
@Sam
Because Sam, logically, when someone does something so ridiculously violent in response to one’s person’s action we should stop expecting the victim to apologize.
Ray did not slap her back. He did not shove her. None of that would be acceptable but it at least would be an equal response to a single violent act. Instead he put the full weight of his body, a body trained and honed to be a violent tackling machine and hit her so hard she blacked out immediately.
Did he then seek medical attention for her? Help her? Check on her well-being? No. He looks annoyed and attempts to drag her body once looking down on her like she’s some problematic garbage bag he just needs to lift. The he does drag her out like a carcass.
That is inhumane and REPULSIVE.
If I rear-end you and you proceed to run me off the road no one will be expecting me to apologize for my behalf.
Context. In this case you are focusing on her small part rather than the mountain of pain and violence visited on her by every individual since then including and especially the man who claims he loves her.
“Yes, domestic violence is bad.”
I’m glad you are at least paying lip service to that. However… Slapping your abuser, possibly in frightened self-defense after they spit on you, is different than knocking someone out, spitting on them and then dragging their unconscious body around like a rag doll.
One is greater act of violence then the other, and points to what is probably a regular and horrifying pattern of abuse. Thanks for the classic derailment, though.
No one expected her to apologize, and actually there is backlash on HER for doing it! I have been in a domestic violence situation, I understand very well how over the top Rays response was and again, not once did I condone his action against her. I just think its unfair for people to get upset at her for acknowledging that she hit him. His response to the slap was wrong as well, but she hit him too and again, just because she is a woman who “doesn’t hit back as hard” doesn’t give her the right to hit him. I’m just tired of seeing this double sided bs. It is not okay for anyone to hit anyone. No one is denying that Ray was wrong, but everyone seems okay with the idea that she hit him and THAT is wrong.
@Sam,
But her apology is being used as the keystone for his defense, which really doesn’t even exist in context. I am stunned that you cannot see it that way. Your POV does ring somewhat misogynistic at worst, ignorant at best. And I truly do mean that with no offense intended. Only trying to help you see why you are getting so much backlash about this. I really question whether you have any experience with DV personally (either self or loved one/friend, or as a volunteer or counselor), because if you truly had, there is no way you would take this position.
@Sam:
1) She didn’t “hit him”, she defended herself. Would you apologize for defending yourself? I wouldn’t.
2) People are upset because you focus on her when what she did was NOTHING compared to what he did (see 1 for reference).
3) The “I don’t condone xyz BUT” start of sentence mostly invalidates whatever comes next. It’s a linguistic tool people use in order to be racist without taking responsibility. Oh but I SAID I’m not a misogynist, why would you think that? Because you said something misogynistic.
@Sam: I think you’re forgetting the fact that she didn’t just start hitting him out of nowhere. He was spitting on her first- it’s not wrong to respond physically to a stronger person who is already being physical with you. What was she supposed to do, just let him treat her like that?
Sam, Because he makes NO formal declaration owning his behavior and extreme violence. And absent of that, and in this spectacle of her apology, the entire blame is shifted toward her. Her fault that she got knocked out cold, her fault it was taped and released, and her fault that he got suspended. If you can’t see that, you are intentionally not looking.
You’re so right Sam, your insight has changed all of our minds. Wimmens are evil and always to blame. I’m joining the MRA right now. Seeya at 4chan
Of course. Because I don’t agree that it is okay for a woman to hit a man, I am saying all women are evil.
I think the reason everyone is upset she apologized is that it implies it is her fault he knocked her out after the fact. It is not. She reacted badly to him spitting on her (And can you really freaking blame her???) but her slapping him in reaction to the spitting does not justify him hitting her unconscious, and her apologizing over and over again makes it seem as if she feels it was her fault entirely that he hit her so violently.
Sam- I don’t think its possible to use that kind of logic here without being insulted.
The fact of the matter is DV happens everyday around the world and in our backyard. Every case is unique and doesn’t have to have the same approach every single time. A woman doesn’t *always* have to automatically leave as a response and a man isn’t automatically a monster who should be treated as such for the rest of his life/career. As a woman who stayed with a man in a relationship that was abusive, I can honestly say I’m happy I did it the way I did. People tell you leave, they say call the cops. They say all these things to protect you as a powerless idiot in the immediate aftermath, but don’t actually empower you in the day to day. And it’s in those day to day moments that really define who that man/woman is. So, I stayed because for all the “help” and “concern” ppl said they had for me, it was all lip service to make themselves feel like they did all they can to help you in that moment. Nothing more after that. For me, I decided to stop responding violently when flare ups would happen. Like Janay, I was sorry for my contribution to a violent atmosphere. Eventually my behavioral change was noticed. He could see my effort to not respond in a physically or emotionally abusive manner. And it was hard at first. But I was committed to living a healthier life in every way, even in diet and exercise to relieve the pressure. He couldn’t blame me for my part in anything cuz my effort to not be that way was evident. Then he made efforts to stop and have more self control. And we worked at it. Hard. Sometimes, ppl live hard lives and barely survive some experiences. PTSD is real and not just in military experiences. Getting in a relationship starting from a base of distrust (not because of that person but because you were betrayed so much before you expect them to hurt you) has real effects. Building trust for yourself and your spouse is essential in changing the course of an abusive situation. So, of course Janay is protecting him, look at how you all made him a one dimensional monster, nothing more, nothing less. You make her nothing more than a golddigger or scared victimized little girl. Do you think this helps her or him or anyone in a similar situation? No. The tone of this thread and others is so insulting to women who stayed in abusive relationships. It’s so insulting to ppl who made it work. Who were “stupid enough to think he could change” and he actually did. If they can make this work, and I hope they can, more power to them. It can change and it can work, I know from personal experience. But it takes a level of commitment that will test the mental strength of anyone attempting this. It’s not for everyone. And that’s without the faux concern of the public.
I had to get this off my chest because the know it alls in here with textbook responses to DV is sickening. None of you are any better and don’t know anything about how to go about a situation like this. Every case is unique and doesn’t need the same approach. Let them find their way. And stop saying she’ll be dead. My goodness.
Well gosh, I guess that’s the healthy, safe, and progressive message that we as a society should be sending to women and young girls- that they don’t have to leave physically abusive relationships because hey, they *might not* die and he *might* change, if they physically respond to a partner who is physically aggressive or if they were emotionally aggressive with a partner prior to his physical abuse then that abuser is less than 100% responsible for what they do, abusers are not monsters who should be vilified or who’s careers should suffer, that concern others voice about their abusive relationships- even telling them to call the cops- should be dismissed as ‘faux concern’, and that a boy’s tragic past with PTSD or whatever else is the excuse, oops, I mean reason, behind his abusive behavior. Let’s raise up a generation of submissive punching bags who hold themselves responsible for their man’s bad behavior!
Let’s also remember that men and boys will be hearing that message too, so it won’t be surprising if they use that message as a rationalization for their own behaviors or that of their friends’.
Thank you for speaking some common sense. I think the textbook responses to violent situations is supposed to act as a net for the majority of women who will never see the better side of what a relationship is supposed to be. Only the woman in the situation can decide what is right for herself and unfortunately a lot of abuse comes with mental play so this isnt always possible, There is danger in tarring everyone with the same brush though and you are a perfect example. I hesitate to believe that you are ok though…. what if he’s just not as violent any more? What if he has occasional slip ups you’re not admitting to? As an outsider I’ll never know. But ultimately, thank you for injecting some reality into what is usually handled with clincal gloves.
@ McCraw, you’re as much on a soapbox as others with their “textbook responses to domestic violence.” While not every domestic violence situation is the same, very few are like yours. Very few. Most abusers are sociopaths & no amount of therapy will change that. Any form of abuse is and should be a deal breaker in any relationship because the likelihood that the abuse will stop is very slim. Out of all the domestic violence stories I have heard about or read (and there has been quite a few I read, at least hundreds), yours is the only second one where the abuser actually changed. Second one. So how realistic is it for you to sit here and tell others that there is hope, your abuser can change & you don’t have to leave? I don’t doubt people can change, they can but they have to want to. And those that abuse don’t like to give up that power so change rarely comes.
McCraw, you sound truly embittered by not having a genuine support system to get you out. And if you were abused and felt alone, I can feel where that’s coming from. But if the entire situation resolved itself through the efforts of you controlling your own violent tendencies, have you ever considered that you may have actually been the abuser within your experience? I don’t need an answer. But the power dynamic isn’t always in favor of males. And some people in abusive relationships, those who do damage and perpetrate the most violence, can heal and move on to a healthy relationship, but those numbers of genuine recovery are significantly low. Further, if children are constant witnesses, it damages their perception of ‘normal’ behavior and the violence spreads generationally. We can’t paint everyone the same, but we can’t ignore statistical realities either.
I’m going to go against the grain because McCraw had the guts to speak out. People will get made at her because she doesn’t fit the expected picture of a domestic violence situation. McCraw I think you and your partner are unique and it’s really great that you could both turn it around. It’s true the woman can also be violent in this kind of situation. I think you show a lot of respect for yourself. And great forgiveness for your partner. If your partner hadn’t turned things around, which I’m glad they did, I think you probably would have realized that you had moved on and found a way to get out. But I for one will be glad for you at succeeding in what you set out to do. You are right, not everyone would have the strength to do that, and we also have to understand and support those who are not willing to take the gamble of putting themselves (or maybe even their children) in physical danger.
at Sam, you’re right, no one should hit anyone. I think everyone is upset she keeps apologizing because it makes it seem like she started it and deserved to be hit back. he is not apologizing left and right. so it makes people think she started it, she got what she got. but her slap did not merit being knocked unconscious. but she keeps apologizing, taking the blame, to help restore his precious image. it makes it look like it’s ok to hit a woman and it’s not, even if she hits you, which she should not do. her husband is a NFL football player, he way outweighs her, is stronger than her, and should not hit his wife. but it is clearly what they do.
We only see part of what led up to that confrontation, and we do see him instigating the fight by spitting on her in the first place. This is a common tactic in domestic abuse cases where the abuser will provoke the victim through verbal and physical assault in order to use the excuse of reciprocation to respond with greater violence. Degree of violence is just as significant as the act itself.
Yes, it is wrong to hit another human being, but I tire of seeing mutual abuse used as an argument of agency on the part of the victim. Most DM cases do not have clear cut victims and villains, but they generally reflect a power dynamic that favors one partner over the other. If this wasn’t a domestic abuse case, we would be seeing a mutual effort to acknowledge, apologize, and repair the toxic elements of the marriage on both of their parts. Instead, what we witness is that the partner who committed the less violent offensive becoming the face of the “apology tour,” while the more serious perpetrator is taking a backseat. The discussion surrounds Janay rather than Rice, and that feeds into the ongoing narrative of domestic violence being the problem of the victim rather than the abuser…or in most cases, an issue of women rather than men. This is a textbook reflection of the power dynamics in DM cases where the victim is trained to believe they are responsible for both their own actions and actions taken against them.
This is not a new study, by the way. The issue of the lopsided social narrative and how it impacts our views on domestic abuse, as well as victim response to abuse, has been detailed significantly. Jackson Katz discussed the issue in his TED Talks a few years back, as did Leslie Steiner, where she talked about a lot of the misconceptions surrounding these relationships. If you are going to make these kinds of arguments in response to victims speaking about the crime, you need to educate yourself more regarding the depth of psychological nuance that exists in these cases. Otherwise, you are just contributing to a cultural narrative that consistently boxes DM victims into a social corner.
Ugh this is just so sad. I’m so disgusted with the culture of misogynist football that is exemplified in this apology tour. Rice belong in jail and this woman needs counseling.
She says she was arrested, too.
What was the charge? And what’s her legal status now?
I think probably public intoxication, maybe drunk & disorderly. So sad to think she imagines she has any culpability in the assault.
@Triple Cardinal It’s possible that she was arrested for domestic violence too. If Ray Rice said that she hit him and Janay said that he hit her both parties can be arrested for dv.
As I read comments on the multiple ages these interviews are posted to, I feel worse and worse for her. She is essentially victimized over and over again, by Rice, by the NFL, by the public talking about her being a gold digger etc. The whole thing is just really awful for her.
I kind of agree with you about this. I think it’s a shame how people are attacking HER character by basically calling her a gold digger and other things, and it probably does suck for such a bad life experience to be tabloid fodder. I think in general people are a little too quick to point the finger at battered women and define them entirely by that experience, and I wouldn’t be surprised if fear of public shame is part of the reason why some abuse victims try to keep that quiet. This did need to get out though- he needed to be exposed as an abuser and the way people are/were trying to cover this up also needed to be revealed.
Oh I agree that he needed to be exposed for sure. But I also know from experience the shame that goes along with domestic violence, people assuming you are weak, it stupid, or in her case a gold digger. It should be him in the hot seat talking though, not her.
She is a grown woman. If she chooses to trade her dignity and physical safety for millions of dollars that is her choice. I doubt the brainwashing bit, she knows what she is doing.
Quite likely spoken by a woman/man who has never been exposed to/ known anyone in an abusive relationship. The dynamics are so unbelievably complicated, and only grow more so with the introduction of children. Sigh. 🙁
They were together LONG before the money, so will people PLEASE stop trying to make it seems like she’s some money-hungry groupie?
Aside from that, you’re taking the onus off of the abuser and putting it on the abused every time you imply that she’s a willing participant in her own abuse.
Oh, Janay, Janay, Janay…
I hope you either find the strength to leave or he falls into some type of situation that renders him unable to hurt you or your child. In the interim, it appears you may be satisfied with this charade and strategically placed blows that don’t show in public. So sad to think of what your baby will learn from parental modeling over the years.
This portion of the interview confirms what I and many others already knew… this is one massive and sick (and sickening) PR campaign for the NFL. I hope to God women (and men) get loud and ugly over this if Rice gets picked up. I stopped watching football after this came out. Between apparently rampant domestic violence, and the squashing of the CTE issue (see the Frontline documentary “The League of Denial” on PBS.org), the whole industry makes my soul sick.
Shame, shame on abusive players, Mr. Goodell, and mostly the filthy, avaricious team owners.
Sorry excuses for human beings.
ITA. Very well said.
What a sad situation. Even if it *was* the first time he ever hit her, it is one time too many! And the dragging of her body is what really horrifies me. He didn’t get down in shock and hold her, he casually dragged her out.
I could spit, hit, and aggravate the hell out of my husband (which for the record, I never have) and he would NEVER hit me. What he did is inexcusable, and the Ravens should be ashamed for asking her to apologize.
I’m a zero tolerance type of gal. Hit me once, i’m outta there no matter who started it or whose fault it is.
Ditto any type of emotional abuse.
I find it so frustrating that society as a whole, not matter general sentiments to work on it, is so tolerant of DV and councils nee indoctrinates everyone to tolerate any of this for whatever BS reasons it happens.
DV survivors are people who’ve realised that zero tolerance is the ONLY acceptable way to live.
We need to change this societal acceptance, even if the law has to be brought into it.
Eg good example of the use of law to change societal practise is the practise of widows being burned along with their dead husband’s in India. Zero tolerance law brought in, and viola, no more widow burning. We need to do the same with DV.
Amen. How dare he. They have a child as well, good luck to her. Michael Vick, Rice and this guy. What’s wrong with the NFL, the world? These men all, in particular this one, make the world seem so hopeless in what should be the season of eternal hope. Shame on them.
And so the ‘I apologise for being beaten by my husband’ media tour begins.
Meanwhile hubby who beat her sits silently by her side.
Good that he is paying the price for domestic violence atleast for now. Can’t keep on forgiving everybody for their problems. Sad to see most victims defends their spouses for whatever reasons!
But this is the relationship of the abuser and abused.
It’s sad, especially because there really is no way to get out until the individual is ready, willing, and able. Even then so many women go back.
It’s hard to rationalize from the outside. I couldn’t imagine being abused and not leaving. I can’t understand (well I can, it’s just hard to accept) her faulty logic that this is being inflicted on her by the public. Everything about this scenario is repulsive.
I’m sure money does play a prominent role, not that she is a gold-digger, but in her rationalization process I’m sure it doesn’t escape her how much money Ray has and what that type of money could do for her life and her child’s life. Then with her parents acting the fool and the NFL all too happy to disregard her as a person but just a means of getting their own income back she’s caught in quite a web.
She deserves better, but until such time as she wants better this is going to be her life and tbh I will blame her for that much. The NFL is a corporation and we all know how heartless those are, there aren’t words to describe her husband.
Janay – get out. Don’t let your life become The Ray Rice Story.
Or mirror the Nicole Brown Simpson story.
Yes. God no don’t let it mirror her’s either.
Nicole made that choice not her father. if i can recall OJ was still married when Nicole moved in with him. Don’t blame parents for decision their kids make. She knew what she was doing.Even if her parents didn’t approve that would not stop her if that is what she wanted to do. @ Kiddo The wife made the decision to make a public statement and the only apology he owed was to her. Women watch football but so do men, It is a sport and a job like any other so if men should be barred from sports for abuse they should be in other areas also. Cops aren’t fired when they abuse nor in other fields.
I think a lot of people are in denial. The reality is no one knows if this was the one and only time she was abused by him or if it is multiple times. No one really knows why she is staying with him. The thing I find really sad is lets say most are right she is a multiple time abused woman. What do people do on here, call her a gold digger, weak for not leaving, can’t believe her parents aren’t setting her straight. Sorry to say but that seems like more abuse.
The reality is I think it is possible that this was the first time, and this is what abuse looks like. It makes people feel better since the video was so violent to make him a beating machine. This makes it seem less real. Even if it was the first time how is that better or worse. I wonder if of men who have abused women, the ones who have changed their ways what made them change? Were they more likely if it was one time, or multiple? I also find it weird that people seem to want to believe she is even more abused than this one time. Why does it make her reaction make more sense to people.
The reality is she decided to stay with him, and the law really doesn’t protect the abused or punish the abusers. She is an adult and decided to stay and marry him. If I were her parent I would support her decision and stay real close and look carefully. What is the alternative? Yell at her to leave and lose contact.
As a society we should change the system and stop blaming the victim for not leaving. We need to support them. Our energy would be better spent on better punishment for the abusers.
I’m thinking it’s a possibility that maybe he had abused her previously in some lesser way in the relationship, but this might have just been the worst of it. But it’s true that we’ll never know. Even if the story that his behavior was just a one-time incident of drunk, brutal rage is true, I still think that him acting like that while drunk is at least a little telling about his nature or the relationship, and that an act of violence is an act of violence whether the person is drunk or sober.
What’s telling as far as frequency of the abuse is his actions afterwards and the fact that he hasn’t apologised publicly whilst she’s been made to apologise publicly.
I can argue that red mist/road rage can make a non violent person hit out like that for the first time, but it’s a momentary effect and he would have reacted differently once the dust settled.
Instead he is very calm, doesn’t take care of her comatose body etc
She says he was more worried about security….COME ON!!! a person is lying comatose because you hit them in a fit of rage and you aren’t checking for signs of life??!!!
Then the PR media tour. She’s the one front and centre. He’s not saying a word that his PR management (and the NFL) hasn’t approved which also manages to shift the blame to her.
Please, this wasn’t the first time, and HIS actions after the fact support that assertion.
+1
LAK, I think you mean “roid” rage…..
Watching the video is so disturbing. He clocked her out cold. She says they were both extremely intoxicated. What is wrong with her, her mother….I won’t even mention the pig that uses her as a punching bag. She should change her name to Helen Keller, as she cannot see or hear the truth. Total denial.
Wow. I’m once again blown away by this story. Look at them all…just standing in that kitchen, smiling. If someone ever laid a hand on my niece, they would have to get into the Witness Protection Program straight away. Did her parents watch that video? And he’s so sickening. He will get picked up soon, unless fans make it crystal clear they won’t have it. But it is the NFL. After they let Vick in I lost all respect for them as an organization. I no longer watch games or buy team stuff. Good luck, Janay. I hope you stop lying to yourself before it’s too late.
Tired of this woman. Go home and protect your daughter, she will need it. Unless she’s leaving Ray I don’t want to hear from her again.
well the only thing you can do or say is to wish them the best. At this point she knows what she’s doing so if she wants to stay, let her and hope for the best. I doubt anyone else’s opinion would matter to either one of them at this point. they’re both going to do what they want to do.
I am willing to bet that violence is what she saw in her home growing up and this is what she considers to be normal. Poor Janay.
That is just what I thought. Otherwise, how could her parents participate in this charade?
I was thinking the same thing.
My parents would freak out if I had an abusive boyfriend, they wouldn’t care about the money but about ME.
In this case they should even thing to that little girl, she is in a DV environment for Godsake !
My dad got my mum ONCE when I was a kid apologized profusely to her and never did it again. Never did it before and never did it again. So from my “experience” I do think a punch can be the first ever physical assault. And I do believe in a second chance. I wonder if maybe that’s why she comes across as so dominant and he so passive to me, because he won’t ever go there again. Anyway, maybe my parents situation is like 1/100 in DV.
As far as these two go, I don’t think they’ll go the distance if he doesn’t get picked up and they can’t continue in the lifestyle they’re accustomed to. There’s little incentive for either of them to make this work if that doesn’t happen.
” Never did it before and never did it again. So from my “experience” I do think a punch can be the first ever physical assault. And I do believe in a second chance.” Yes, it’s possible that that’s the first time he ever got physical with her. But has anything he has done or said literally since he knocked her out indicated that he’s sorry?
Yea this is NOT the first time he’s hit her. You don’t knock someone out the first time and drag their body around if this is the first time. It’s sickening how this apology tour is going. And her parents should be ashamed for perpetuating this cycle with their support. I didn’t watch either of these interviews because I refuse to see a DV victim on display…I just can’t
As for the NFL I do believe a team will pick Ray up. Already tmz had a story about some players who said they would LOVE for Ray to be on their team. Any team that picks him up I will never watch. The ravens and Goodell got caught with their pants down with that initial press conference and that bullshit punishment. I do believe the nfl saw the video beforehand they just wanted to protect the player. It’s embarrassing and disappointing.
She is stuck in a vicious DV cycle. They tear you down, isolate you, tell people horrible and untrue things about you and then act like nothing happened. They put on the charm…make you feel like it is you. I know. Kids make it worse. You don’t want to leave them alone with him. You are scared that with his money, he will find a way to take them from you. You become mentally paralyzed and scared.
Until you have walked in her shoes, leave the “disgusting” comments out of it. It’s so much more unbelievabley scary and backwards then one can imagine.
Ugh. She thinks the public dragged her down, so she won’t watch the second video? That’s really messed up, and so sad that she thinks that way :(. I wonder IF and WHEN she will realize that it was her abusive husband who dragged her down all along, and the public was just outraged as they should be.
I feel like these interviews she is doing is just making the whole situation worse.
I feel so sad about it all. In my mind the right thing for her would be to leave. In her mind – it isn’t. Well, it’s her life, I guess.
Janay or Ray will file for divorce in the future. I could not sleep, or make love, or hold hands with a man who, I knew, humiliated me in front of millions. He will always feel guilty and she will always feel burdened by him. Self-improvement cannot exist in an abusive relationship.
What I hate the most in the situation is Janay Rice’s mother. One would think that if the daughter had a few screws loosened by the brainwashing of an abuser, the mother would go into full mother bear mode and rescue her daughter. In this case, the mother supports (and urges) the daughter to work things out with the man who punched her to unconsciousness. It’s absurdity.
Janay is so self-conscious about the label “victim” that she is willing to downplay all aspects of the situation. Isn’t that just sad? She can’t even convince herself that she has done something wrong.
Nice that the parents wanted to make sure Ray had their full support.
Next time when he causes her some little bit of brain damage or has had his way with her way too much or gives her an STD if he already hasn’t, they can console her by saying that at least the money was good.
Wonder how many beating videos it would take for her parents to say enough is enough? Because obviously just one isn’t enough.
I’m sure they know there were prior instances of violence before this, but I guess that was excusable in exchange for a life of luxury.
Parents like these destroy their children’s spirits.
I feel so sad for this girl. I know she said that this was the first time, but I cannot believe that. These 2 have been together since the were 15/16 years old, so I am not surprised she is staying, as well as her apologizing for the assault. He has probably worn her down in the years that they have been together. She makes me sad. Ray is disgusting garbage and her parents should feel like sh*t by encouraging this bs.
I don’t even know what to say…this poor woman.
I no longer feel sorry for victims of DV who stay when there are children involved. It’s no longer about the wife/mother. It’s now about the child/children.
There are so many obvious warped views on her part, it makes me mad that she refuses to see things the way she knows they really are. For example, she’s blaming it ALL on them both being very intoxicated. I’ve been very intoxicated and so has my husband. He’s never hit me – drunk or otherwise. She’s willing to do whatever it takes to help Ray’s career, but he doesn’t do everything he could do to help his career. His lack of a public apology speaks volumes about his attitude and character. She thinks a public apology isn’t necessary because he apologized to her and in her mind, that’s all that matters. If he could swallow his pride and step outside his zone of denial, he would humble himself and apologize to her in public, but he won’t and frankly, it’s too late now.
They fool no one and I feel sorry for that little girl.
I’ve sometimes felt the way you do, but really there are instances where the abused truly feel like they have no way out, even if they indeed do. It’s like a mental prison, apparently, and unless you’re living it, you really have no understanding of it.
My little sister is married to an abuser and my emotions regarding the situation are all over the map. One day I feel so much anger and disgust towards her for not putting her children first and getting them the hell out of there; for keeping them in a situation that will possibly teach them that it’s okay to live like that, to behave that way. In the next moment, I’m struggling to grasp just what she is so terrified of when she refuses to leave him. Overall, it’s a really, really sad situation and while it’s easy to be disgusted with Janay Rice (hell, I find myself feeling so), I think I need to remember that there’s a sickness here, a social element at play that has been ingrained into this woman to make her say and do the things she does.
I believe it’s strictly psychological issue because there is ALWAYS a way out of any situation and especially a marriage of domestic violence. I remember I once went to the emergency room because I broke my finger at work. Well, the lady who was treating me hinted that if I went into their bathroom I could find pamphlets for victims of domestic abuse. I told her it was nothing like that but i was touched and it made me realize that people care. If you want to fight for yourself they will fight for you!
It is psychological, but you can’t over-sympathize the situation when there is an obvious element of selfishness in the women who know they are with an abuser and continue to stay regardless of their children’s exposure and possible danger because it’s what the woman wants.
I have been in an abusive relationship. It only lasted for two years because that’s only how long I let it continue. It was hard to leave: you have to make a new start and you don’t know who you are if you aren’t so and so’s girlfriend or wife. When I left him behind, I also left behind his family, a lot of mutual friends (thought they were mutural, but turned out to be his friends), and I had to be independent. It was scary as hell. I missed him. I felt like a loser on holidays when everybody had their somebody and was the pathetic lone girl. I still loved him (or thought I did) when I left. I just knew love isn’t a reason to remain in a relationship with someone who hurts you. For the past 18 years, I have worked in a domestic violence-related arena.
I also have an alcoholic sister and I see similarities between her and the survivors/victims I work with. It is an addiction of sorts – so yes, a sickness. But like I said, being overly-sympathetic does nobody any good. I have a heart, but these women don’t put just themselves in harm’s way. They have children. I tire of the self-pity. If they won’t leave for their own sake, they sure as hell should leave for their children’s sake.
I completely get it. It’s hard to watch that interview and not feel anger on some level.
So sick. Everyone involved.
Tell me how this fool came to be allowed back in the NFL this season and the child abuser Adrian Peterson is not (which is the right choice!)…neither one of them should be allowed in the public eye for a long time…until they have proven to a licensed therapist/counselor/psychologist that they have changed.
test
I feel conflicted. I volunteer weekly with children from homes of DV and I’ve been through extensive DV training.
On one hand, I think she is a victim in denial. On the other hand, her entire family is supportive and adamant that it only happened once and will never happen again.
I can only reserve my personal judgement for now. Time will tell……
I’m in DV work too and I feel strongly she is simply a victim in denial.She knows she’s been hit. She’s lying about how many times or how many other ways he’s humiliated and degraded her. I don’t care what her family says or thinks. They are biased. She is refusing to admit to herself that he is abusive. She’s splitting hairs, taking blame, making excuses and casting fault on anybody, anything other than Ray Rice. She’s doesn’t want to give up everything she has – him and all that comes with him. that is all. I’m having a hard time seeing it as denial at this point. It just seems like greed and laziness.
In the end this has to be about the money, their past together & she has convinced herself its her fault. Her family is probably definitely in it for the money (Sick). Reminds me of women in our past that stayed with abusive husbands because of social status & its just what good women do mentality. She probably think she needs him in order to be ‘successful’. She has been with him for so long, its probably normal for her & the money has given her even more incentive to stay. When his career wanes these 2 will probably divorcee if not sooner. Very sad but hopefully since this is in such a spotlight Ray won’t punch her again? yeah right…..
I find it bizarre and sad that she is equating watching the second video (inside elevator) with the public “getting her down.” When it was her husband that did this to her. She does not want to face up to the reality of her situation.
Things will change only when American men start boycotting the NFL and say explicitly that they are boycotting the NFL because of its tacit endorsement of violence against women.
So, guys, when do you start? After the Super Bowl party? When your boss wants you to take clients to the corporate box as a treat? What’s it gonna take — someone like Ray Rice attacking your daughter or your sister? Why haven’t you had enough?
Im officially done with this site.
Her DAD was there. Disgusting. Janay’s mother married a weak man unfortunately. A good dad would know that his job is to protect his daughter and would have never let Ray Rice lay eyes on his daughter ever again much less his hands. My guess is her dad never made her feel like she wasn’t worth anything so she perpetuated that by marrying a creep who thinks nothing of her either
Comity, think about this: almost EVERY domestic violence victim has a dad. We like to think of men rescuing women, but have you EVER heard of a woman’s brother, uncle, dad, etc. rescuing her from her abuser? Because I sure haven’t. You’d think and hope that other men would be more helpful to an abused woman, but this doesn’t appear to be the case. It seems that everything and everyone aids and abets an abuser in this society– even her own family. How sad is that?
I love her hair 😘😍
Big little lies by liane moriarty.