Here’s my question: what’s up with all of the completely low-key weddings these days for English gentlemen? First Elton John and David Furnish got married in what looked like the back booth of a Pizza Hut, and now Stephen Fry has married his boy-toy love in what looks like a low-budget community center. What gives? Where’s the drama?! Anyway, yes, Stephen Fry, 57, married his 27-year-old boyfriend Elliott Spencer this weekend. They only got engaged two weeks ago! And it’s not like Fry and Spencer have been together that long either – it’s been less than a year.
Given how little they know about each other AND the age difference… well, I don’t have high hopes. But hey, it’s cute that Stephen married his guy in the presence of a tiny little Oscar Wilde doll, right? It’s true. Stephen posted two photos of his wedding, and he made sure to note this: “Oh and @ElliottGSpencer and I had our vows witnessed by a mini Oscar Wilde. Because one should. #greencarnations.” I’ll admit it, I had to look up the “green carnation” thing – it’s a reference to a scandalous “fictional” book, The Green Carnation, written about Oscar Wilde’s love affair with Lord Alfred Douglas. The book was used as evidence against Wilde during his trials for indecency. Okay… that’s actually a really beautiful and poetic reference to make in this moment.
Fry also tweeted: “Gosh. @ElliottGSpencer and I go into a room as two people, sign a book and leave as one. Amazing.” It’s very special. My only problem is that Elliott Spencer looks like he’s about 18 years old. Sigh…
Photos courtesy of Stephen Fry’s Twitter, WENN.
Well, nothing about this looks encouraging to me as far as a lasting relationship, but you never know what makes a couple work. So, good luck and best wishes.
Elliot thinks that fb is so old, his tweet:@ElliottGSpencer: Facebook looks so dated. A bland logo to boot. It’s like something your nan does. I think it was designed by papa smurf #silversurfers
If fb is so old to him, what about his husband than?
Who cares? They’re happy.
But FB is old. It’s old and outdated. They’re struggling to keep members with the majority being ghost accounts or duplicates.
So, he’s very accurate here and that can’t be used against him.
And yea. He’s happy.
Looks like a high school kid and his grandpa. For their sake I hope it’s for real and best wishes to them.
Wow you’re right, just looked again, and its almost like Grandpa is helping is teenage son with high school home work or something. But, I’ve been in relationships before where there has been a big age gap, so I can’t shade them. Like you I wish them the best.
Oscar Wilde would approve.
yes.
Ugh the age difference. When he’s 37, Stephen will be nearing 70…I can’t tell which man may be getting taken advantage of here lol. You never know though, but to me it’s just odd.
It’s odd to me too. I have no issue because Elliott is an adult (and not just an 18 year old “adult”…a real adult), but with huge age gaps like this, I always wonder what they have in common? Im Elliotts age and cannot imagine dating/marrying someone who is almost 60. But hey, sometimes it just works I guess!
Relationships like this seem to be mutually using one-another, so live and let live or use and be used I guess.
I think if Elliott’s hair was different and Stephen wasn’t so tall (I think he’s 6’3 or 6’4), it would look like less of a father-son thing.
Anyway, mazel tov! It might work.
For me, it’s that Fry’s head is 2-3 times the size of Elliott’s.
LOL
I cringe the same way I would if it was an heterosexual couple. They may find a way to make it work, but the age gap is so wide and SO obvious. Nevertheless, I’m wishing them the best. It’s polite thing to do.
“Nevertheless, I’m wishing them the best. It’s polite thing to do.”
You are killing me with this comment. I can’t laugh because it will crack my face mask.
LOL!!!! Double chuckle on both comments
Glad I could make you ladies laugh. 🙂 xoxox. M
Wish them the best, in all sincerity. But…..yeah.
He’s in his late twenties, he’s pretty much a formed person. I don’t have a problem with this. Good luck to them.
Were people making such a fuss about Alec and Hilaria Baldwin, or Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones? Or Patrick Stewart and his wife?
Posters have commented on these much older male/younger women marriages- and inevitably its the “my partner is x yrs older/younger, have been together forever,etc” comments coming up. I think another issue here is that Stephen F is a very old looking 57 yr old- from the pic he looks 70. Best wishes and hope there is a pre-nup.
Yes. And his husband is a very young-looking 27. When the age difference LOOKS dramatic, it’s hard not to gasp. (I say this as someone who dated a man 20 years older than me and got pissed when I was referred to by a store clerk as his daughter.)
Actually, yeah, I’m pretty grossed out by any marriage with a huge age difference regardless of gender dynamic. Your 20s & 30s are such an interesting time of life and full of so much self-discovery that can be squelched by an older partner. There’s a reason people don’t live with their parents.
I forget the formula, but it was pretty decent.
There can be an age difference of the same difference in years. It’s less acceptable if say the difference is 10 years and he is 21 and she is 31. Of course the gender role and who is older plays a big part too.
After the formula was laid out stats for age differences and years married were listed. If either party was over 45 (i think) the marriage lasted by average longer than anyone in their 20’s to 30’s marrying. And any combo of 20-30s.
I think this guy knew what he wanted and found if nothing else a friend that makes him happy. I’m not going to shade that or congratulate because it’s polite. I’m going to be genuinely happy.
“It’s less acceptable if say the difference is 10 years and he is 21 and she is 31.”
I think a 21-year-old and a 31-year-old today have MUCH more in common than a 27-year-old and a nearly 60-year-old. In character and looks-wise too. Many people in their early thirties are still traveling, some have studied till their mid to late twenties and are just getting serious about their careers, they still look young and attractive. Whereas someone who’s 27 is on top of their game and someone who’s sixty looks, without PS, not that fresh anymore. They’re about to get retired and the 27 year old is just starting his career.
I am 26 and being with someone in their late 50’s seems like a nightmare.
The formula is half of the older person’s age plus seven. By that standard, 57-year-old Stephen Fry should be with someone no younger than (rounding up to) 36.
Yes they were. Perhaps you should check first next time.
Have you been to a johnny Depp/amber heard thread? People are horrified and embarassed for them and that is a smaller age gap. People raised eyebrows at Anna Nicole Smith and her billionaire ex hubby, and that was like 20 years ago. Just because old dudes have been publically marrying young girls for the longest doesn’t mean everyone has always approved.
What’s really gendered (and sexist) is commentary on couples that have about a 10 year age differnce (nothing said if a man is older, and it’s boytoy yada yada if a woman is).
But at this point I think everyone side eyes couples with a 20+ age difference, especially if the older party is much wealthier than the younger.
I’ve liked Fry since bit of fry and Laurie, but all I can say about this is “no fool like an old fool.”
Alexis
Some of those comments were only bringing up age difference once another thread was getting more shade where a woman married a younger man. Everyone pointed at depp/heard with double standard and we as commentors over compensated. I want to say Patrick Stewart and his now Wife Sunny was during that time and later Jeff Goldblum and his 27(?) yo wife. Both got minimal shade with massive age differences. And Sunny had motive with her Jazz singing career.
Also, Depp and Heard have a huge age gap from an emotional stance. He’s having a midlife crisis and that plays a large role in their ages and criticism regarding it.
I really don’t remember Patrick Stewart getting any shade, if he did, the shade he got was pretty minimal.
Best wishes, and…bless their hearts.
30 years age difference. Good luck you crazy kids!
I give them 2 years max. 😀
you mean like most hererosexual couples who marry with an age difference. Relationships are never easy period.
you optimist you! less than 12 months… 😛
I don’t get the age difference. I don’t understand how couples with such a large age gap make it work. But I do wish them all the best!
That’s what I don’t get. What do they talk about? I’m 30 and we recently hired a 23 year old male at work and talking to him makes me feel absolutely ancient! I can’t imagine being in a relationship with someone with that sort of age gap because I just don’t know what we’d have in common.
Shotgun wedding?
Haha. You made me snort.
I can’t decide this is subtle shade or not-so-subtle side-eyeing. Either way. *cracking up*
You celebitches (??) are rubbing off on me – it’s the first thing that popped into my head and it made me giggle a bit.
You beat me to it. Pregnancy announcement coming it 3,2,1….
I would have been happy if they had announced it in the Times but twitter is just not the done thing and I do think they could have flashed their rings,
That is so wrong that it’s right! *cackles*
I don’t know, I just get mk Olsen / whichever Sarkozy vibes from this. It’s not wrong, but it gives me the creeps. That kid looks so young
Oh, boy. This won’t end well.
Honest to goodness, I think the general reaction to these two has more to do with the fact that they’re not especially hot. If it were, like, Zac Efron and Jeff Bridges…well, that would be a pretty sight to see. Like, if Hugh Laurie – someone Fry’s age – shacked up with Eddie Redmayne, would we be as weirded out? I honestly don’t think so.
Very true.
Yeah, you’re not sexy enough for my fantasies, so your relationship is gross.
True. However, what creeps me out about Fry and his husband is not even the age difference, but the power imbalance. He’s a rich, super-established, super-famous comedian marrying a young, much less wealthy (I assume) unknown who’s trying to make it in his field. It’s just awkward and hard to imagine that there aren’t some other motives at work here (from either side).
Actually, a lot of people’s issue with it is the fact that Fry has a very well known battle with bi-polar disorder, which he has very publicly eschewn traditional medication for.
I don’t think most people look at a picture of the two of them and instantly think, “That Stephen Fry should take his lithium.”
A LOT of people have commented on his fragile mental state, and again the fact that he doesn’t take Lithium. He is HUGE in England and his struggles are also very, very well known.
Or to give you another reference: people make similar comments about other famously mentally unwell (but more attractive) individuals and their relationships, like Britney Spears and Amanda Bynes.
Ah, okay. Makes sense. I know he is bipolar, but I really don’t know the ins and outs of his troubles. I just look at both of them and go, “I wouldn’t. Not if you pay me.” Which, to be fair, considering I’m a chick, they wouldn’t with me, either.
Speak for yourself, i find Stephen Fry hot.
Love comes in all shapes, sizes, gender and at any age, so I wish them the best.
I like the way Elliot’s parents have supported the marriage.
Congrats! All the best, Stephen and Elliot.
Thoughts on age difference: one of my uncles married a woman the same age when he was in his 20s. They were bad together, brought out the worst in each other, and made everyone around them miserable. They stayed together until their son graduated high school, then finally divorced. A few years later, he met a woman, 20 years younger, and married her. Their age difference was irrelevant. They enjoyed the same activities, they shared the same or similar views and could have good discussions on topics where there were differences. They supported one another (she got seriously ill shortly after the marriage) and brought out the best in one another and have been really, really happy. If two fully formed adults can reach a common ground, with no exploitation involved, more power to them.
Agreed! I think relationships are about having shared ethical principles, shared hobbies and a desire to be supportive of each other. Sometimes we find that with a person our age and sometimes we find it with someone older or younger than us.
There can be an exploitation of power in older/younger romantic pairings however I’ve seen that happen in couples of the same age where one person is incredibly controlling and willing to gaslight their partner.
I hope it works out…SF has been very open about his issues with being bipolar and at one point, suicidal. I have always loved his work, and I really do hope they are happy and can stay that way. That being said, I kind of get that “Older Man With Pretty Young Thing” vibe. Oh, well. They are grown ups. I just wish Wilde was alive-I would love to hear what he would say!
Well, they look sweet! Congrats!
(side-eye to the Oscar-Wilde-I’m-oh-so-intellectual-Doll, though)
I can’t with age difference like this. If I were single again and I met an older man who treated me like gold I’d happily date him for awhile but never marry. And I can’t imagine being sexually attracted to someone 30 years older than myself, I’d just be sucking it up so I could soak in the good treatment.
it happens -I know a lady over 70 who had an affair with someone in his 30’s.It grew out of the work they did together but it still had a strong sexual component, If it is for the right reasons then it works,
It’s not just ethe age difference, it’s the combo of that, Fry’s bipolar issues, Elliot Spencer’s desire dor limelight & the fact they barely know each other. If they’d been dating for years then I don’t think people would be as side-eyey, but this just feels all wrong.
Just because he has bipolar doesn’t mean that he is a difficult person to be with or live with.
But it does. He is 57 y.o., bipolar cocaine addict with suicidal tendencies and frequent bouts of depression.
It does mean he is a difficult person to live with. And yes, he has his right to be happy just like any normal person. But why whitewash this? Because he’s gay and it’s not pc?
From what I see in couples with such a huge age gap (even the happy ones) is that the old partner sucks the youth and freshness out of the young one. Almost a vampire thing. Elliott comes from a rich family, so he is not a “gold digger”. But now at least he’ll get something out of it when his granddad-husband sucks the youth out of him. Hope he won’t get addicted to drugs.
The cocaine addict is the worst part of that. I’m bipolar with frequent bouts of depression and am not difficult to live with more than anyone I know. As a matter of fact, one of my friends is much worse and she’s just narcissistic personality disorder.
Well since I have two eyes in my head I am of course side-eyeing the hell out of this.
“That’s a good lad now, just sign on the dot. Excellent, excellent! Now afterwards we’ll go for ice cream since you’ve been such a good boy!”
Yeah…well, best of luck to them. Odds aren’t in their favor, but maybe that crazy kid and grandpa will prove me wrong!
Two things came to mind:
There’s no fool like an old fool, and
I hope Stephen is not acting out in a manic bipolar ‘high’ of the kind that triggered Sinead O’Connor’s recent short-lived marriage and very public meltdown.
Hoping for the best and wishing them every happiness
They look like a normal couple
He didn’t marry his “lover,” he married his boyfriend/fiance.
Really surprised to see this homophobia on CB. Rather shocking to me, actually.
My niece referred to her boyfriend/fiance as her lover all the time. They’re now married and she still often refers to her husband as her lover. I know several older people (45yrs or older) that use the term ‘lover’ because they think using boyfriend/girlfriend at their ages sounds silly. I don’t see any homophobia in the term.
My coworker used to refer to her boyfriend/fiance as her lover. It was kind of weird but I actually prefer it over something like ‘partner’, because that makes me wonder if they mean partner in business, partner in love or partner in crime? But anyway, I’m pretty sure she still refers to her husband as her lover.
Congrats Stephan , be happy!
I wish them happiness & I hope there was a pre-nup
How come England’s national treasure is a widely educated and appealing man and America’s national treasure is a serial rapist (allegedly)?
I dunno, it worked for the Duquesa de Alba! Her third husband (her first two died) was about 25 years younger than her or something. She was in her early 80s and he was somewhere in his early 60s. She even gave away her kids’ inheritances to them early to shut them up about Alfonso wanting to inherit her money. And they stayed together until she died a few months ago. They were together a good five or six years. Granted she was filthy rich and didn’t have any bipolar issues I am aware of.
She was something else!
D of A was all about living it up and wanted some hot young piece on her arm. We all could look at her then and think he can only see dollar signs, but there might have been love. I just won’t judge because you can’t know what 2 people bond on. And in that wedding photo above they look in love.
age is nothing but a number but marriages between people so far apart in age don’t usually end well Paul McCartney and Heather Mills would be a great example of that his grown children never warmed up to her though they adore their step sister Beatrice. but when he married Nancy Shavell his grown children didn’t mind at all Stella even dressed the wedding party
Point of correction, a step relation is someone that doesn’t have a blood connection. Beatrice is their half sister, not step sister, because paul is her bio father and thus they share that blood connection.
Congrats and all the best to them. Whatever we may think, it can work well for them. My father-in-law, who came out in his late forties, has recently celebrated his silver anniversary with his husband, who is about 25 years younger. They have a solid, fantastic relationship. I guess it was a bit weird for the kids (my FIL had three children from his first marriage) to see their dad married to a man practically their age, but not anymore. And at first glance, other than travel and dining, they seem to have no common interests. Once you get to know them though, it becomes obvious they are happy.
Oh, and from another site, it sounds like Elliott is very well off himself so I doubt money was a factor.
What happened to his other boyfriend? The wannabe actor.
I wish them both the best. It’s just a shame they look more like a grandfather with his grandson in those pics than a newly married couple! Elliott Spencer has such a baby face!
I read that week before the wedding Elliot got a speeding ticket in Wales driving his fiance’s Austin Martin at 101mph and before that he scratched his Bentley! What a fab upgraded life for a 24 years old, eh? His parents are “over the moon” that their son married Mr. Fry.
Congrats to them, hope they have a solid pre-nup and live happily ever after.
Everyones kissing ass because they are gay and everyone is all “i am being polite crap” Seriously people, this is twisted. Sick. It’s obvious the young guy is in it for only one thing, come on! Look at them. Seriously. It’s taking advantage (both ways). Whatever
He looks like a member of a boy band. How long till he comes out with an album 😉