I have a well-documented Ethan Hawke problem. I know I should find him gross, but I just… don’t. I still find him attractive. If anything, I find him more attractive these days than during his ‘90s heyday. Ethan is promoting his new film Good Kill, which is about drones and whether military drones are a good thing, etc. Honestly, the drone talk (from Ethan) is kind of boring. But I enjoyed his thoughts on women, feminism and the roles that got away. Ethan spoke to Larry King about all of this stuff – you can see the video interview here. Some of the assorted quotes I found interesting:
Being directed by a woman: “I have been making movies for thirty years, I’ve probably made over forty movies, and this year is the first time I’ve been directed by a woman. People think that gender equality has happened- and it’s fascinating having three daughters, and seeing the world through their eyes, it really does turn you into a feminist.”
On Dead Poet’s Society: “It’s the only movie I’ve ever done that really changed my life.”
Turning down roles: “One of the best roles I ever turned down, I knew I was wrong for it. They were wrong to offer it to me. The guy who did it was great. The stupidest one I ever turned down was Independence Day, they offered me Will Smith’s part.”
His favorite film: “[My] favorite would probably have to be Boyhood, only because what a special experience that was, that’s so unlike other parts that I’ve played.”
The best part about Hollywood: “The women.”
His advice to child actors: “If you take out, if you look at the history of the arts, of who succeeds, if you just eliminate self destruction, if you just decide that I will not self implode, if you decide that, your chances of excelling at what you do go up 90%. So many people sabotage themselves, particularly artistic people, but all of us. A lot of us a feeling that we don’t deserve success, a lot of us have a feeling we’re our own worst critics, and there is no shame in loving yourself and treating yourself with the respect with which you would treat someone you love, and taking care of your talent.”
Ethan Hawke was offered the Will Smith role in Independence Day? And he turned it down?! That’s so bizarre. I’d love to know the other part he’s talking about – for some reason, I just got an image of Mark Ruffalo. Like, I could see how Ruffalo and Hawke might be up for some of the same parts. As for Ethan’s feminism… eh. It would be nice if a dude could be a feminist without having daughters, but sure, I’ll take it.
Photos of Ethan at a Stella Adler Studio of Acting fundraiser earlier this week, courtesy of WENN.
He’s done some douchey things, but I can’t help continuing to love him. First off, the Before trilogy has such a big place in my heart. Second, as a teenager I once accosted him on the streets of NYC and he was SO nice to me. More than smile and take a photo celeb nice. We had a whole conversation about books and theater. So the guy’s got me.
I do wish more men would just be feminists b/c they think it’s right, and not need that extra push of having daughters. But at the end of the day it’s still good for men in prominent positions to say they’re feminists.
I think a lot of men think they ARE feminists until they have a daughter and suddenly their love and pride in that girl-child makes them re-think things at a deeper level. A lot of men say yeah, I’m for equal rights and equal pay blahblah…but suddenly with a child who you want every opportunity available, I think you see that things are not quite as equal in society as you may have thought before having that child. I think a lot of guys don’t really think about what it’s really, truly like for a woman. They just sort of assume everything is fine and if anyone asks they say yeah, they believe women are equal. A child makes you more hyper-aware that it is not. Like he said…all these years of acting and it’s the first time he’s directed by a woman.
I’m in my twenties and don’t have kids yet….but I think you hit the nail on the head! Perfectly, 10000%!
Agreed.
Oh, what a great story. Yeah, I’ve always liked Ethan. I’m glad you had a good experience with him.
I appreciate that he said “people think equality has happened.” Because yes, a lot of people do think that, and they won’t listen to us women, so hopefully they’ll listen to a man.
It’s the same with race issues as well. One thing I cannot stand is when people tell me we’ve come so far. It’s like I’m not here for a consolation prize because no one owns me and I don’t have to go to a separate school. It still exists!! Same with feminism. It’s a constant thing and it’s exhausting
Exactly Alex! It’s very similar to the race issues. On the surface it might seem like we’ve come a long way since the 1950s and before that, but you don’t have to scratch very far beneath the surface to see that a lot of the old prejudices are still there. Obama’s presidency made me realize that. When he was elected, I thought great – now people will see that the colour of your skin doesn’t matter. He was charismatic and smart and idealistic… but the outrageous racism that has come to the surface in the years he’s been president have left me shocked. I thought we had come farther than that, but it’s worse than I ever imagined! And I think it’s the same with women…there’s still a lot of old men with power who don’t believe a woman is equal or can do the same job a a man. I think once a lot of those old ones die off, the younger generations will come to power and a lot will change in many areas, because they just don’t see a lot of these things as a big deal (unlike their elders).
It’s so true, and it’s not just men saying it. I teach post-secondary, and SO many of the young women in my classes eschew feminism as too radical because they think equality has happened and feminists are out of touch. They change their tune once they near the end of their studies and hit the job market.
I glad he has feminist views, and perhaps having daughters turned HIM into a feminist, but it obviously isn’t a magic bullet. Plenty of sexist men have daughters.
“Plenty of sexist men have daughters.”
COUGH COUGH JEREMEY RENNER I’M LOOKING AT YOU COUGH COUGH
The older I get the more I realize my own father’s sexism. Hes told me to my face its okay for my 8 years younger brother to do things that I “can’t” or “shouldn’t”
chloeee…It’s weird, right, to think about your dad’s sexism?
So, my dad loves me, and he never ever tried to tell me I couldn’t be successful-he pushed me to go out and make money and to kick ass. But here are some direct quotes:
You make a great boss, because you think like a man. You can be cold. Most women are too emotional to be leaders. (WTF, dad? I’m only good at my job because I’m like a man?)
Most women are too busy gossiping to be successful. (I work with mostly men, and the gossip is unbelievable.)
You’ll find you have more success if you can keep your weight down. (SO MANY EFFED UP ISSUES IN THIS STATEMENT. GRANTED, I FINALLY TOLD HIM MY BODY WAS NONE OF HIS GD BUSINESS AND HE’S STAYED OFF MY ASS FOR THE LAST 8-10 YEARS ABOUT MY WEIGHT. BUT IT TOOK A WHILE.)
I’ve got a million of these little quotes from my dad over the years. It’s like he’s sexist, but doesn’t want the sexism to apply to his daughter, so he puts these little carve outs in, because I’m a special snowflake and not like most women. We’ve gone round and round, but he’s ultimately a very loving father and grandfather who finally just stopped talking about the bullshit. I don’t doubt he still thinks it. He just learned not to say it.
That’s true. I guess you have to be a certain kind of man who wants every opportunity for his daughter and feels she has the right to do anything she wants. There’s still a lot of men who believe women are less, and look at the Duggars…they basically believe that women are subservient to their husband and he makes all the decisions while women are to be a wife and mother. Not that there’s anything wrong with being a wife and mother if that is what the women chooses…that’s what I chose, but therein lies the rub…the choice! It’s all about having all the same opportunities as men and making the choices you do because that is what YOU (the woman) truly wants rather than not having the choice or having the opportunities denied to you.
Exactly. The Duggars make me want to kidnap and deprogram those kids.
And I thought you made a good point above when you said men who are already inclined that way often get a deeper sense of what feminism means once they see the world through the eyes of their daughter.
Ugh I so feel you. I should be like come on dude… but nope. He can hit it any day of the week.
My son recently told me he always believed he was a feminist- or rather never thought of having to be a feminist- because he was raised by a single woman and just knew they could do anything a man could do. Then he had a daughter and started paying attention to things like wage inequality, gender specific toys ( Mom- why are the teenage Mutant Turtle shirts for girls PINK! She doesn’t want to be April, she wants to be Michelangelo!) the differences in books and cartoons geared towards girls vs boys . He says he never realized how society is geared towards men until he had a daughter
Your son sounds wonderful. He must have had a good mom!
I’m a women and was probably conditioned to accept some things as normal, but only now (almost 30) and after reading books about education, gender issues and advertising I can say that I get it. But I’m always learning and giving second thoughts to established ideas. It’s a bit overwhelming sometimes. And Eribra, you did a good job!:D
Cool. Any books you’d recommend?
@Anne:
Delusions of Gender, Parenting Beyond Pink and Blue, The Second Sex, What you Really Really Want, The Beauty Myth (I didn’t like the reading experience of this one, but it brought up really important questions) and Deluxe, How Luxury Lost it’s Luster. I didn’t read any books just about advertising and how they influence women but the last two on this list will approach it several times. Happy Readings!:D (Well, you will probably feel some anger through the reading process. That’s the cost of enlightenment I guess ^_^)
And it works both ways with gendering children. My 4-year-old son loves Bubble Guppies. He has a Bubble Guppy backpack that’s pink & purple because that’s the only colour it came in. I don’t care, but he’s getting to the age where others in his peer group pick up on what’s “normal” in their house and make shaming comments. I’ve heard them; happily my son is still innocent enough–for a little while, at least–that he doesn’t understand that he’s being made fun of. I got all excited a few weeks ago because I found him Bubble Guppy underwear that were actually made for boys (as in, not panties). When I got them home and opened the package I realized that only the boy characters were represented. My son was super excited when he saw them, but was very quick to notice the girls were missing. “Where’s Molly? How come it’s only the boys?”
My son is also the only boy in his community-run ballet class. The older brother of one of the girls came to watch a few weeks ago (this boy was maybe 6?) and couldn’t get past the fact that there was a boy doing ballet. When he realized the boy was my son, he spent the next 10 minutes asking me all about why a boy was in ballet, and was my son actually there because he liked it? His mom eventually shushed him and apologized to me over his head, but I’m thinking, don’t apologize–teach him! Why am I the one saying to YOUR son, “I’m sure you’ve heard your mom say that your sister can do anything you can do, and that goes for boys too. Boys can do anything girls can.”
Sorry–as the mother of both a son & daughter, I’m passionate about gender issues in general. I want equality for my daughter, of course. But I also want my son to grow up in a world where his sensitivity and innocence isn’t shamed out of him as soon as he reaches school age.
@Petrichor, imo you are the example of parenting done right. People tend to perpetuate education based by their kids gender without noticing. Like complimenting boys for their strength and girls by their beauty which leads to reinforcing values in them that we then define as gender natural, but we are the ones telling them what they can and can’t do or be. If interested, the books Delusions of Gender and Parenting Beyond Pink and Blue are good reads, specially if you are really interested in it. Congrats! You make feel hopedul for the future of the world ^_^
@Sofia, thanks! Your compliment makes me all warm and squishy inside. 🙂 I so hear you on the gender natural thing. That’s exactly why my husband and I have always made the effort to focus compliments on our children’s intelligence and accomplishments rather than the traditional strength and beauty, as you so rightly point out.
ETA: And thanks for the book suggestions. I’m going to look for them.
Says the man who cheated on the mother of his daughters god knows how many times…
What does feminism have to do with him being unfaithful to his wife?
If he was so worried about feminism he’d show his daughters that men respect women and be a good example of what kind of husband they deserve.
I’m sorrybut that’s a rather sexist comment… Don’t women cheat too? So, women who cheat are machos? I can’t see the correlation. One thing is being a d-bag and cheat on your wife, something else is being a feminist and believing women and men deserve to have the same rights in opportunity, education, wage, etc,,,
Thought the same thing. What he did was scummy, but to me, it has very little to do with sexism and more on his moral character. Men and women cheat. It’s neither here nor there.
You’re referring to the guy he was and he might not be that guy anymore. Maybe having three daughters has changed him to the point where he is no longer the douche that cheated on Uma Thurman. I’m fully aware he had 2 children with Uma, a boy and a girl. I’m referring to how he is today and I have not heard any rumors about him cheating today.
Exactly. I guess that’s what sucks about being in the public eye. People will judge you as a person for what you were 10-20 years ago. People change!
I’m glad he mentioned Dead Poet’s Society. The entire cast of that movie (except for Robin Williams) is totally defined by their roles in that film for me. Like, I’m still in teen love with Josh Charles and I can’t even watch The Good Wife any more.
If only that was the case for all men with daughters….if it was, we wouldn’t have this problem. Clearly the majority of men do not gain feminist thoughts/feelings from having daughters. Heck, there’s still tons of fathers in this world that see daughters as property and have no qualms about killing them if they hurt the family’s ‘honor’. It’s a sad, messed up world. I actually think the internet is the greatest thing that ever happened to the world. The internet has opened up people’s minds to another way of being. Yes, it can be a meeting spot for the bad people of this world to support each other but mostly it spreads information and teaches people empathy when they converse with people on the other side of the world.
I hope this new generation sees the end of the evils of the world…racisim, sexism, religion…it all needs to go so we can finally live in peace and progress towards an empathetic and caring society. 🙂
This feminist thinks it’s ok to cheat on your wife. I wonder if that’s the message he’s gonna be bringing to the future husbands of his daughters “dude, it’s ok to bang other chicks, don’t mind my daughter.. Sexual fidelity can’t be the whole thing you hang your relationship on. So go for it!!”
I’ve never got it what makes this man supposedly hot or wonderful. For me just seeing his face makes me go yuck.
……..I missed the memo where cheating on your partner was a thing only men did.
I also missed the memo that said it’s not possible for a person to be changed by age and life experience (in his case, having three daughters) to the point where he might actually regret some things his younger self did.
Gosh having a daughter does open your eyes to the subtle nuances of sexusm. I thought I was aware of it all but no. I have one daughter, petite, verbal, charming, huge blue eyes loves to read. The amount of positive attention she got from strangers/teachers/friends as a preschooler astounded me. Mainly because her big sister received almost NONE. Why? She was tall and chubby and talked late and couldn’t sit still, had to move all the time, hated reading and loved mud and trees and was always dirty. It really opened my eyes to the way we enforce gender stereotypes on even very young children. The level of fawning over a stereotypically prettY little girl is insulting. But women are as much to blame as men. And we mothers are often the worst offenders. It’s too late to start teaching girls your value is more than your looks if they have been praised constantly for their looks since they were a baby.