One of the impossible “what if” scenarios of Angelina Jolie’s life involves her decision to sign on to Lara Croft: Tomb Raider. At the time, it seemed like a strange decision – she was mostly known as a self-destructive dramatic actress, not an action heroine. And she wasn’t British, like the character. So people weren’t expecting much. But Angelina threw herself into the role, bulking up, building muscle, and opening her mind. The film took her to Cambodia, and that trip ended up being the turning point in her life. No more drugs, no more self-destruction. She became a UNHCR ambassador and then adopted Maddox. In interviews, she’s always cited that first trip to Cambodia as the one that changed her life.
Angelina is currently in Cambodia again (where she’s an honorary citizen, btw), filming First They Killed My Father. She gave an interview to the AP, and she talked about how Cambodia changed her life and changed the way she thought about motherhood.
That first trip: “When I first came to Cambodia, it changed me. It changed my perspective. I realized there was so much about history that I had not been taught in school, and so much about life that I needed to understand, and I was very humbled by it… [I had felt] a real emptiness. That trip triggered my realization of how little I knew and the beginning of my search for that knowledge.”
Motherhood: “It’s strange, I never wanted to have a baby. I never wanted to be pregnant. I never babysat. I never thought of myself as a mother. It was suddenly very clear to me that my son was in the country, somewhere.”
Being in Cambodia now: “For me, this is the moment, where finally my life is kind of in line, and I feel I’m finally where I should be.”
[From the AP via E! News]
While this is nothing new for the Brangeloonies – she’s made variations on these statements for years – I do think it’s interesting that she says “I never thought of myself as a mother.” Well, she was what? She was 25 years old when she was filming Lara Croft. Many 25-year-olds don’t see themselves as mothers, it doesn’t mean anything because people change their minds often. But Angelina isn’t allowed to, I guess. I remember how she used to say that she just wanted adopted children too, but then she met Brad and BAM, she got pregnant with Shiloh. So that’s for all the 25-year-olds who say that they’re not into the whole baby thing: in 15 years, you’ll probably have six kids!
Photos courtesy of Getty, Fame/Flynet.
Cambodia somehow opened Angelina Jolie to a different way of life.
I look forward to the movie she will one day make about that moment in her life.
+1 She is so interesting. I hope indeed someone makes a movie about her someday, or at least a feature-length documentary? Or does this already exist and I don’t know about it?
I love the pictures with her and little M
really, REALLY cute.
and some folks do just have a “moment’ like that, sort of an epiphany about something.
Yes, especially about something as huge as motherhood. I know I did…I never had any interest in having kids until suddenly one day I did. I was listening to an album in my office and something in the lyrics of a song triggered a series of realizations, I can remember it so clearly.
@esmom: would you elaborate on that? I am so torn on having kids – not that there is any way I would have them in the near future – but I would love to hear more on what changed your mind. I felt the same way as you for a long time but now I am not so sure. I hope my question is not too private for you, but if it is, please (of course) feel free to ignore my question!
mimi, I’m not dodging the question but I’m not sure if I can really elaborate on it very well. As I said, I really didn’t think I was interested in or particularly well suited to having kids. And then I realized that a big part of that was because of all the anxiety I had experienced as a kid and the difficult relationship I had with my mom…it’s like a light switched on and I saw that it didn’t have to be that way if I had my own family, that I could do things differently. Not sure if that makes any sense. And I’m not sure if it’s working out as well as I’d hoped — sometimes I think I am turning into my mom. Parenthood is really not for the faint of heart!
I was always sort of “meh” about having kids – never saw myself as the motherly type, only tolerated kids, didn’t have much of a mother-role-model growing up, was more career-focused, etc. I had a pregnancy scare in my mid-30s and that’s when it hit me that I really did want a child. Now I have an absolutely amazing 2-year-old and, while I don’t want ANOTHER child, being a mother is pretty awesome. Hard, but awesome.
I don’t have the bride gene and I never looked twice at babies. However I’ve been married twice and now have me own lil cupid of a baby that I love beyond the word. I believe being raised in the era of emerging feminism, most of my peers focused on education, career, meaning etc beyond the biological imperatives. Yet motherhood does fit into woman power, it was just put aside for our generation.
I never wanted to be a mom. I still don’t consider myself a “motherwoman” (Kate Chopin). I don’t remember changing my mind. After I got married, I was intoxicated by the idea that I could simply stop using birth control and it would be fine, no matter what. I got pregnant very quickly. I don’t love “being a mother,” but I love MY kids (I had another 26 months later) and I have a great deal of affection for many of my children’s friends. Kids are just small people. Some of them are charming and likable, some are kind of jerky, and others are just myeh. I didn’t love being pregnant, especially when I also had a 17 month old child. That is so hard. But I’m glad they’re close in age. Sometimes when I see how other moms do the crafty stuff, the parties, and seem to know the secret language of talking to children (I just talk to them like they’re adults, without the cussing) and being magical and interesting to them, I wish I had that “motherwoman” thing. But I don’t. I was a decade older than Angie when it happened to me. I can see how with her career and her life choices (wasn’t she ending a relationship with Billy Bob at this point?) motherhood probably seemed very remote indeed. Well, good for her. And good luck to you, whatever you decide. I had my second at 39, so there’s no hurry.
Yup she was so gorgeous (shes still beautiful of course) and happy and Mad was punk rock from day 1.
Was this trip to Cambodia her first outside of hollywood areas? I guess she finally saw the real world when she went to Cambodia. Good for her, I always though she had a drug overdose or something when she went through that reevaluation of life.
I think this was her first trip to a war torn country and that opened her eyes.
I checked a site with an AJ bio and it says that she first went to Cambodia, and she did not just stayed within the comfort zone of the hotel, or the sets, she got to knew about what Cambodians had been through after war.
After that, while in England, she got in touch with the UNCHR and set off to Sierra Leone. I bet that scared her folks. After that, in 2001 and 2002 she was out in several missions in Tanzania, Cambodia again, Pakistan, and Ecuador (with refugees from the Colombia and Ecuador crisis), staying away from her then-husband for weeks at a time.
I have read that he has all these fears and quirks, so these trips to war-torn countries must have been a barrier that he could not cross, and he has always struck me as self-centered, he also wanted her undivided attention, while she was getting more open.
She was aware of how much she did not know about the world.
I recall an interview of something she said, like She thought she knew what suffering was, in her life in LA, and when she saw what refugees go through, it gave her perspective, she had had it easy.
She had a good mom, and she was living in a make-believe world. She snapped out of it.
A great reminder after reading the West-Kardashian stories, how a lot of people really live their whole lives in a fake world, with no interest for the real world, or someone who tells them even a “no”.
Exactly Kaiser – Angelina is the only one who isn’t/wasn’t allowed to change and evolve. She is the only who still gets attacked for things she did in her past – even though those things are mild compared to celebs scandals these days.
Angelina actually said that she wasn’t sure of having biological children because she was afraid her partner will show more love towards them instead of the adopted. The way Brad loved Maddox and Zahara as his own and how he was okay with not having any biological children was what showed her that Brad will never differentiate his love. That complete acceptance of Maddox and Zahara was what made Angelina change her mind about biological children.
I cannot wait for this movie – the country and its president has faith in Angelina to show the movie in the right way. Plus the writer and Angie’s close friend Loung Ung is there to help her as well.
Loved your comment Maya..
and yes it is beyond to me that people act like Angie committed some crime. She has never been arrested or had any legal problems. And the things she did when she was younger are known because she talked about them. There are no videos or pictures of her doing anything remotely what we see some celebs doing that are her age at that time. Hell look at what we see celebs her age today doing or saying.
Some people are stuck in the past they created for her. She has moved in and living her life today.
The whole family is or was in Cambodia.. they could have gone.. So much for all the tabloid break up stories.. they need to just leave them alone. Talk about beating a horse to glue.
nobody is bringing up Her past, ecxept you two
@Luna..
we have read this and other sites a lot.. If you are not aware that is your issue.. not ours
I just love her and so glad she and Brad found each other. They were destined to be a family. So proud how they handle the media and the tabloids who want so much for them to break up they just print it in their headlines every week even though they know it is a lie. I pray for their family and others to be strong and avoid the negative people.
Damn she was gorgeous!
She still is!
+100000.
i know kaiser is joking, but in general and in real life it really annoys me when people say you’ll change your mind. i know many 25 year olds who are sure they want kids, and i know many older women who don’t have kids and never wanted them. and i know some who did change their minds. it’s 2016, these sort of generalisitions shouldn’t exists anymore. sometimes it still feels like it’s expected of people to procreate, and it’s so wrong. i’m 26, idk if i want children. my best friend had a girl last autumn and she always talked of wanting babies. i adore her girl, but it’s easy when i can just have her for a bit and be back to do my thing, looking after a child 24/7 is bloody hard and a life choice that shouldn’t be underestimated.
I’m 28 and I still don’t know. I love babies, but the thought of raising children isn’t appealing to me.
It is a bloody hard life choice for sure. When I was your age I was sure I wasn’t cut out for motherhood. It was in my early 30s that I changed my mind. I love my kids more than anything but sometimes, when I’m drained beyond belief and/or terrified for the future of humanity, I do still feel like I wasn’t cut out for it.
I feel you Esmom. I never wanted kids but one night of unprotected sex and a bottle of Tequila and life happened. I love my son but those days he spends at grandma’s house are like a vacation to me. I also at times feel as if I’m not cut out for this.
To all the women who are being shamed for not having kids tell those people to bug off. Just because you’re a woman doesn’t mean you were meant to be a mother. I know a lot of mothers probably say oh, you don’t know how fulfilling it is to be a mom. To me that’s code for your life will never be your own again and I want you to share in my misery. I work with at risk youth and I think to myself I know your mom wish she had flushed you away with a condom. (Just kidding, not really) 🙂
I do love my son but sometimes I say why didn’t I just get a dog. My mom is actually taking my little diaper stain and nephew to see Kung Fu Panda today.
I’m not a mother yet, but from talking to friends who have kids I believe that “not being cut out for this” is a feeling that a lot of women have. It just seems to me that people don’t talk much about it.
I think motherhood is often painted as some kind of paradise, as in you have to love your children unconditionally at every moment, and we end up forgetting all the difficult things that come with it and everything that you have to renounce to.
Paula: nailed it. As with all things in life, you don’t love your choices 100 percent of the time. Life is shades of gray, and no I don’t mean handcuffs and whips. But if that’s your thing go for it. Lol.
I can comment from perspective of someone who was uncertain. I’m a pessimist (realist!) and don’t know that I ever would have felt “ready” to have a child. Nature triumphed and I had a daughter (followed later by 2 sons). I hated pregnancy, abhorred breastfeeding attempts, and never was a”baby” person in *any* way. I always had that maternal instinct–you mess with my kid as I’ll take you down savage bunny-style–but never felt moments of rapture as I held my newborn. As baby grew, the years of sacrifice and insanity built a kind of love that I probably would never have been able know unless I had been “locked” down by the inescapable responsibility that was only possible via parenthood. That sounds harsh, but I had to be forced to sacrifice to get to that point (everyone is different).
Once my kids were more “interactive” I felt able to “know” them — and have been amazed by them every day. My daughter is about to go to college and I am dreading her absence in a deep way. I honestly say that it’s my greatest privilege to spend time with them every day. They’re each fascinating individuals who bring joy to many people, not just me. I can’t imagine never having known them..the fact that they’re “my children” almost feels irrelevant–they are truly individuals, just those with whom
I have had the gift of a lot of time.
But there have been hellish days where I literally felt as though I was insane and wanted to run away. I see women with newborns and actually feel sorry for them because those years with tiny ones are horrific for some. Parenthood is not for everyone and I don’t know how anyone can be sure they’re ready for that great unknown. As for choices — All I can say with certainty is that I respect any choice that results in no child being abused or unloved.
I agree, it can be somewhat frustrating. When I was 15 I said “I never want to have kids” and everyone said “No, no you will change your mind when you get older” and when I was 25 they still said “you will change your mind”, I’m 35 now and people continue to say the same thing…only now they add “you will never understand love until you have kids” or “life is unfulfilled/meaningless if you don’t have kids”. Some people do change their mind when they grow older, but others don’t. All choices should be respected.
That’s terrible. I can’t imagine belittling anyone for choosing not to have children. I can think of fair number of people who really should not have had kids but did so rather mindlessly so to me it’s indicative of real strength to decide not to choose that route.
“All choices should be respected”
this.
i can’t believe people tell you those things, it never happened to me but i know it does happen because some people have no tact. also, not being a mother doesn’t mean you don’t have nieces, nephews or godchildren who can enrich your life in different ways. some people are way too close minded, and as @Esmom says, there are tons of people i can think of who should have never been parents.
Same here. I didn’t want to have children at 25, at 35 it’s the same. Even with people telling you “now you say this, but you will change”.
Boyfriend has a wonderful son from his previous marriage, we are building a wonderful relationship, but still: I am not a mother.
I didn’t have my first one til 37 and he was an accident. I am happy how life has turned out but I don’t kid myself thinking I would be dead inside if I hadn’t had kids. Happiness and fulfillment is inside of you and no one can take it from you or give it to you (long term anyway).
You should just say “it’s wonderful that your heart expanded with children, but not everyone needs a child to “understand” love.”
YES! I’m 45 and don’t have kids. I hate it when people suggest that I’m not capable of deep love because I’m childless.
I totally understand your frustration, D. People kept putting their nose in my business and telling me I was going to change my mind until I was 40. I gave a damn about their opinion, but they were really annoying. Now I’m almost 50 and they stopped, but it’ s still so wrong when someone implies the life of a woman is empty only because she is child free.
ELL, my best friend said she didn’t want kids, ever. But people secretly thought “she’ll change her mind” – because society expects that. She was firm and upfront with her fiancé. Ten years later, a crisis: he wants children and thought she’d change her mind. They actually weathered the storm, but I was shocked at how everyone blamed HER! You are right, not every woman wants kids. But many women do change their minds, I suspect because biology can be pretty insistent, as well as life changes, and that’s OK too. But having seen her choice, I am more sensitive about women’s choice, and I don’t pressure or assume…
“But having seen her choice, I am more sensitive about women’s choice, and I don’t pressure or assume”
that’s what i meant, you can’t assume because it’s a very important choice, and not everyone feels the same. and that’s true for men as well.
Honestly I feel like I’m teetering on the edge of that with my husband and it’s not a comfortable place to be. Up until now the financial reality has precluded the idea of having children but now we’re getting to be stable and settled it’s coming up again. I don’t want kids, never did, and only recently have I even considered the possibility of just maybe turning my life over to that. Because I know that’s exactly what it would be. I’ve always been honest and open about it. He wants them, for rather abstract (to me) reasons. I’m like, honey, when you’re up at 3 am cleaning shit off your tiny human’s butt you’re not going to give a damn about passing on your noble genetic line, you’re going to want to go back to sleep.
My own mother had me later in life because she thought she would be a horrible mom, and it’s kinda funny that she (and everyone) is expecting me to be any different. She tells me I won’t mind, that I’ll be thrilled to lay aside my life to raise a child, but what if I’m not? What a horrible situation for everyone and not fair to the kid either.
I know that if I thwart his dreams of having kids and we remain childless, that’s exactly how it will be seen. I’m the evil shrew, refusing my husband his godgiven rights.
Well that was long and personal but it’s an issue that hits very close to home.
@Wren, if you are ambivalent about it but might give in for your husband, that’s not a good idea. What if you have a child born with disabilities who needs a parent that truly wanted children from the get-go? I have a co-worker who has more than one child with autism, boys. It tore apart her marriage because of the strain, and she adores her children. But she works also and takes care of them. She sacrifices so much, and she’s only in her 30s.
I just think going in you need to want a child for yourself too, not just your husband, so that no matter what you aren’t resentful.
@Wren It’s so funny how much consideration people who are unsure take and then they’re the ones accused of being closed-off or something. I applaud you for actually thinking it through, most people don’t.
The most miserable woman in my family had four kids and was a terrible mother. The happiest woman in my family had no children and now she travels the world with her husband. Most of the others have children and are happy, some think it’s the only way to true happiness…my conclusion? One size does not fit all.
Wren don’t do it unless you are certain. No matter how involved (and evolved) the father is, you are the mother and you will always carry more of the workload as a parent. I wish this weren’t true but it is. Not even being puny about the pregnancy aspect of it.
Thanks for the support, guys. 🙂 I have no intention of “giving in” or having kids just to please my husband, so don’t worry.
It’s a sacrifice I’m not sure I want to make. He doesn’t see it as such because, quite honestly, it won’t be nearly as much of a sacrifice for him as it is for me. He won’t have to be pregnant, give up his career (or face ridicule if decides not to), and likely as not the greater burden of care will be on me no matter how involved he is (or fancies himself that he is). I love him, but he doesn’t “do” gross stuff like cleaning animal mess or wash rotted food out of dishes. Goodness knows how he’ll handle kids and the constant stream of bodily fluids they bring. It’s a lot of work and stress to stare down over something you’re not at all sure you want to begin with.
I think the problem is more in the ownership society likes to take over women’s bodies than the concept that one could in fact change there mind about having children. Heck very rarely will you hear anyone tell a woman that says that they want a family that maybe they will change their mind.
yep, they take it as if it’s a given that women have to become mothers at some point, which is unfair.
LUCA, that is a funny take on it; you are SO right!
This is bang on!
That’s so annoying, ugh! ever since i can remember I’ve never wanted children. I’m 28 right now and still don’t want them. I don’t like my friends children, nor my cousin’s. I just don’t like children in general, never have. But people still have the urge of insisting I will change my mind and they’ll see mee full of kids some day. I mean, No you probably won’t. Having kids is no meager decision, you have to be sure you want them and for the right reasons because you will be responsible for a life, for as long as that life lasts, So no, no children for me and people should just mind their own business.
I like kids well enough. However, the expenses for having one are high, wars are keeping on going, Cindy Crawford’s envy of her daughter’s legs freak me out, and the world is a screwed-up place with wacko predators. At this point I’m not sure if I’ll wind up childless because of a lack of any innate biological reaction tipping over in either direction or socio-economic forces.
I was the same. Ambivalent about having kids and being a mother. I was a step mother to two girls though and loved spending time with them. It was also nice to get my own time when they went back to their mother’s house. I did change my mind when they got a little older (12 – 13) and it seemed like the childhood days were gone too fast for me. I was about 33 years old then. I was surprised by my change of heart. I have a 7 year old son now. Not everyone will change their mind, but life itself changes so fast that you never know what is in store.
Thank all of you ladies for sharing. It’s stuff like this that keeps me coming back here…
I’m 31 and was certain I wanted children up until I turned 30. On my 30th birthday, I realized I wasn’t so sure. And now, I’m seeing that maybe I don’t want them after all. I love children but after some self-reflection I see there could be a possibility that I’m not cut out for motherhood.
This! Totally agree with you, Ell. Angelina is an amazing person, I like her and the way she takes care of her children. Yes, that’s true, someone changes her mind about motherhood, but some others don’t desire children and keep not desiring them, and it’s good the same. Motherhood could be a wonderful thing, but it’s not a written fate for women.
I have known that I never wanted children since I was 12.
Me too! I knew wholeheartedly at a very young age that I didn’t want children. And never had any. Not to say I don’t love the hell out of my friends kids and nieces and nephews. As a side note: people do change their minds, sometimes late in life. I have several sets of friends who have started families in their mid-forties. They do get grilled though by folks reminding them “remember you DIDN’T want kids”. Life is fluid, that’s the beauty of it!
If you read my comment above, you’ll know I adamantly support having kids as a choice. But in honesty, I’m very close to SIX women who wanted a child later in life, but haven’t been able to after years of trying. That seems like a lot of women in my circle; I hope I’m an anomaly. There’s no guarantee they each would have been able to get pregnant if they’d tried earlier, but it might have helped. I’m NOT saying this to persuade any woman to have a kid who doesn’t want one, but it’s also not fair to let people think age is not a factor in their choice. When I was younger we were terrorized by headlines about fertility drop offs after 29 (?!), but I’m afraid the pendulum might have swung the other way and lulled women into thinking it’s merely a matter of choice.
+1
What hapenned to your friends happened to me, too. I thought it would be easy, but I waited until 34 to start trying, it was too late.
My health care did not cover it after I turned precisely 34. Few years and a lot of money later, we gave up. Fortunately, I was not as obsessed with having children as other women I know.
I also am so forgetful, that I’d be scared of forgetting my child on the shopping cart or something, I was a bit scared if I’d gotten pregs.
That really makes sense to me, sometimes you don’t have life all planned out or maybe you do but something somewhere at a single moment in time changes everything and you know that’s where you were meant to be and that’s what you were meant to do.
She has this vibe about her that no matter what she’ll come out of it on top. Like if Brad and her split up she’ll move on instead of milking it for years. It seems her relationship with Brad doesn’t define her.
I think it kind of does. Nowadays, I think of them as Brangelina, not entities that are really separate. I’m not saying that as a bad thing, but I think of them as a brand together.
I don’t think she’d “milk” a break-up, but I don’t see her opposed to talking about it. She talks about everything else in her life like all the other celebrities do — I don’t see why that would be any different. I’ve never thought of her as extremely private…
@perplexed, who wrote: “I think it kind of does. Nowadays, I think of them as Brangelina, not entities that are really separate.”
You might think that, but they certainly don’t seem to buy into the Brangelina label. They are two strong-willed individuals who found each other and have somehow managed to make their relationship work. for nearly a decade they’ve put their 6 children first, one partner ‘not’ working while the other was filming, and the ‘non’-working partner traveling with the one working and looking after the kids.
I knew they were the real deal when they jointly decided to bring their kids along on work trips rather than leave them at home along with the Nannies. (There are horror stories told by angry, depressed, spoiled, lazy, and drug-adled children of actors/actresses who were left with nannies or in boarding schools and maybe saw their parent once or twice a year). That takes a lot of patience and commitment. It’s only now that the kids are older (the twins will be 8-years-old in July) that they’ve started traveling separately for work projects, but they still split the kids between them, or manage to snag one or two when away from the family.
People have criticized the Jolie-Pitts for dragging their kids around the world with them, but the Jolie-Pitt kids have seen more of the ‘real’ world–not just resort stops–than many adults. I believe when they’re all adults they will feel blessed to have had their childhood.
“People have criticized the Jolie-Pitts for dragging their kids around the world with them, but the Jolie-Pitt kids have seen more of the ‘real’ world–not just resort stops–than many adults. I believe when they’re all adults they will feel blessed to have had their childhood.”
I’m sure they will too. I didn’t say otherwise.
@Perplexed …
Sorry! The first paragraph was a response to you … the last two paragraphs were just me ranting in general and not really directed at anyone. Have a wonderful weekend! 🙂
I always wanted children, but I wasn’t ready at 25. I wonder why she wanted a son rather than a daughter? Not that there’s anything wrong with that, i would just imagine girls having a harder time being adopted there?
This is what Angelina said about Maddox’s adoption:
“He was the last child I saw at the orphanage. They took him and put him in my arms. I had never picked up a child, was considered too obscure to be responsible for children. He was sleeping and went, then took him and put him in a bath and went to sleep, not wake up … until he went back to my lap, woke up and stared at me. After a minute or two smiled! I started to cry. That smile does not mean he liked me, but they accepted me as I was. ”
@Maya -That’s sweet. Is it from a translated article, the wording is somewhat off?
Aw, that’s really sweet.
I’m glad she has realized what an amazing person she is.. and hasn’t let other people opinion to keep her from living her life the way she chose.
I admire her a great deal.
Yes it was translated which is why the sentences are incorrect.
@Lisa: yes bravo to Angelina for having the strength to not change herself into what others want her to be.
🙂
I think boys are the least wanted, at least where live.Boys, and especially older boys have it harder being adopted. Everyone wants a girl. Good that AJ chose a boy,and later, with Pax, a boy who was not a baby anymore.
Ennie I’m not sure where you are but it must be a more ‘westernized’ country. Because I can assure you in the vast, vast, vast, vast, majority of countries it is girls that are less likely to be adopted and more likely to be given up for adoption in the first place.
Stuff like this is why my inlaws spend all of their time trilling OH YOU’LL CHANGE YOUR MIND!!!!! I CAN’T WAIT FOR YOU TO GET PREGNANT!!! even though I’m 33, I’ve spent thousands of dollars to get my tubes tied, have a rare cardiac disease that will kill me if I get pregnant, and married a man who hates babies even more than I do and will openly admit he doesn’t want to be a father.
But somehow I’m supposed to have kids anyway, kids we don’t want and can’t afford. No thank you.
I’ve been trying to get a tubal ligation since I was 20. Even after I was diagnosed and had two cardiologists saying “she has to get this procedure”, I was still refused because I “might change my mind”. It’s amazing how women are treated like children themselves when they make this kind of decision because it’s not adhering to the status quo. It took 12 years before I could find someone who would do it. But yes, Angie, go on ahead and give hope to women like my mother in law who would be okay with me dying in childbirth if it meant there was a chance they could have something cute to play with at a family reunion.
You make a good point.
Why doesn’t your husband get a vasectomy? Much cheaper, quicker and easier, AND less invasive therefore less risk? I don’t get these men who would allow their wives to go through such an invasive general anesthetic operation. Be a man for your wife, is what I say. I also don’t see how you can make such a stretch that Angie is to blame for giving hope to mother in laws, JUST by living her own life and having children. Are you serious?
And this really is how it happens for plenty of women. You don’t…until you do, usually sometime in your early 30s. Myself included. I can add about 6 friends of mine to that list. Nobody’s trying to ruin your life (I mean by telling about their experiences. Male doctors might very well be). Hormones are real, man.
My mother actually was denied a tubal litigation at 37 after 3 children because the doctors thought she would change her mind. That’s just the kind of mysogeny that’s out there. I don’t think railing against Angelina for being truthful about her journey is helpful. The problem isn’t that one woman decided to make a different choice but that society only values one choice that a woman makes.
I am sorry but you are blaming Angelina for something that isn’t her fault.
Whoa, I was so caught up in why she didn’t want kids that I didn’t pay much attention to the part where she blamed Angie. How is AJ to blame for saying at one point in her life she never wanted kids but she reached a stage in her life where she did. The poster might have a valid point if AJ said she was pressured into having kids therefore she adopted and got pregnant. But she’s not saying that. She said she came to her own conclusion that she wanted children in her life. No pressure from other women, Brad or family.
Edit: After more consideration the poster still wouldn’t have a point. What does AJ have to do with her and her decision to not have kids.
You hate babies I get you cant and don’t want children but your husband hates babies even more than you do, thankfully you don’t want children if you hate them why so much rage against babies is not their fault the world is full of misogyny and sexist grown people who refused your operations on the bases that every woman wants to be a mother and will change their mind about not having them. Sadly is how the world is blaming other people who have nothing to do with your cituation is doesn’t help maybe instead of being so angry about what happen to you reach out to others in that same cituation offer council your knowledge and help do something productive and try to change for other women the injustice committed against you.
“Stuff like this” = stories about women who HAVE changed their mind about having children, not the story of how AJ changed her mind about it. I don’t think that PoliteTeaSipper suggested that Angelina herself is to blame for this and I’m puzzled as to how Lola and Maya came to that conclusion. The implication seems pretty clear to me.
“But yes, Angie, go on ahead and give hope to women like my mother in law”
Um, the implication is clear. She named her, she named Angelina. At the very least, PoliteTeaSipper is resentful of Angelina for her changing her mind thus this story. If she wasn’t, she wouldn’t have written the above quoted sentence. I’m puzzled how you cannot see this. It sticks out like dogs – .
@SugarQuill, I think it’s the last sentence they’re referring to:
“But yes, Angie, go on ahead and give hope to women like my mother in law who would be okay with me dying in childbirth if it meant there was a chance they could have something cute to play with at a family reunion. “
Eek, admittedly, I kind of skimmed over that last sentence. It sounds a bit harsh, but I think it’s part of a bigger problem. Doesn’t this happen way too often? People holding up examples of women who have changed their minds about having kids to dismiss the ones that have made the choice to be child-free? After hearing that for who knows how long, I’d say PoliteTeaSipper’s resentment might have more to do with that particular phenomenon (which has now found another involuntary poster child in Angelina, and a super-famous one at that), rather than being an indictment of AJ herself and her life choices.
Also, ‘Angie’. I don’t know of any haters that refer to her as Angie.
@Polite Tea Sipper, who wrote: “But yes, Angie, go on ahead and give hope to women like my mother in law who would be okay with me dying in childbirth if it meant there was a chance they could have something cute to play with at a family reunion.”
I don’t know why you’re blaming Angelina Jolie for your mother-in-laws apparent insensitivity. If anything, Angie has shown that ‘family’ isn’t always one that you are born into or one that you create from your body, but rather is made of those you find along the way in life. You’ve stated that neither you or your husband want children. If your mother-in-law is aware of her son’s decision then why is she giving ‘you’ guilt and grief? It seems like something your husband could put an end to simply by loudly stating his decision not to ever have kids at a large family gathering. That way, other family members could ‘not so gently’ remind your mother-in-law of you and your husband’s joint decision when she needles you.
I also agree with @Lola who suggested that the easier solution might be for your husband to get a vasectomy. I believe all men have to do is make an appointment with a Urologist, without the guilt trips and refusal women undergo for when attempting a similar procedure.
Stuff like this is why my inlaws spend all of their time trilling OH YOU’LL CHANGE YOUR MIND!!!!! I CAN’T WAIT FOR YOU TO GET PREGNANT!!! even though I’m 33, I’ve spent thousands of dollars to get my tubes tied, have a rare cardiac disease that will kill me if I get pregnant, and married a man who hates babies even more than I do and will openly admit he doesn’t want to be a father.
But somehow I’m supposed to have kids anyway, kids we don’t want and can’t afford. No thank you.
I’ve been trying to get a tubal ligation since I was 20. Even after I was diagnosed and had two cardiologists saying “she has to get this procedure”, I was still refused because I “might change my mind”. It’s amazing how women are treated like children themselves when they make this kind of decision because it’s not adhering to the status quo. It took 12 years before I could find someone who would do it. But yes, Angie, go on ahead and give hope to women like my mother in law.
I originally posted to somewhat defend, then I read this post
No offence but you sound off your nut
If your mother in law does not grasp your medical condition it is hardly a complete strangers fault.
Blame the lawyers, not the doctors. The doctors were just avoiding malpractice down the road. Statistically, most women at 20 who don’t want kids change their minds. The doctor was just following protocol.
I started thinkning about kids in my mid 30’s. I wanted to get them before 40 and I wanted to study and work first. Now I want them grown up and out of the house.
Some people rethink their stance, some don’t . I don’t get why the whole fuss. Children are not obligatory.
“Many 25-year-olds don’t see themselves as mothers, it doesn’t mean anything because people change their minds often. But Angelina isn’t allowed to, I guess.”
I don’t really see anyone holding it against her for changing her mind. She’s the one who keeps discussing it, but I don’t see anyone saying she shouldn’t have had her children.
I guess we don’t know how the original question was framed, but if the topic was simply “motherhood” she could have answered in any context, but she chose that one.
I don’t see anybody holding it against her either. She didn’t want kids then she did want kids. That’s not a big deal.
I was puzzled by that as well, who has prevented her from changing her mind?
I think everyone is entitled to make the choice that’s best for their life. Some people know what they want or don’t want early on and that doesn’t change. Some think no way to kids and later change their mind. And some think they do want kids, but later decide it’s not for them.
But everyone should stop judging, because it’s deeply personal and often very complicated.
She is working on movie about Cambodia, actually, the book it is based on, is very meaningful for her, according to certain interviews. She knows the author form years ago.
Cambodia changed her life in more ways than one, she became aware and started her humanitarian work, and she became a mother of a Cambodian child.
I think that is what the article is about, of course, the quotes are only about comparing no children vs six children.
That’s fine — I just don’t think I’ve seen anyone saying she was never not allowed to change her stance on having children, especially given that she changed her stance during her 20s (still a youthful time.) Maddox came into her life in her mid-20s. Didn’t she get pregnant with Shiloh at 29 or so? I guess we forget that she’s still young because she’s been around for so long, but her evolution from no children to having children changed during her actual childbearing years. It’s not like she waited as long as Sandra Bullock did when she committed to having kids.
well, not here in this site, but I’ve read loads of comments elsewhere through the years from people that cannot stand her seeing her changing. They call her all kind of names, from fake, boring, how she changed her image for profit, that all the humanitarian work she does is untrue.
I’ve seen those other insults, but not insults about her actually choosing to change her mind to have kids. She had her kids during as standard and conventional time for having children as it is possible to do so in today’s social context (her 20s and 30s), so I can’t even remember if there was an interval of time where it would have even been possible to mock her for changing her stance. Things started happening quickly once Maddox, and then Brad, came into her life, and she achieved a relatively large nuclear family unit at a fairly “traditional” age by today’s modern standards.
I could see people being in more shock (and possibly questioning a change in stance) if Cameron Diaz had kids since Cameron is now in her 40s, not her 20s. But Angelina was still relatively youthful when she had her kids; therefore, I guess I don’t see how it would have even been possible to say she wasn’t allowed to change her stance.
Did she even say she didn’t want them? I thought she just said she didn’t see herself as a mother. Not that she’d rejected it, but that she hadn’t really thought of it. Understandable given her business (you can’t just show up pregnant to work or take regular maternity leave) and her age at the time. I never saw myself as a teacher until after college, but I never decided I DIDN’T see myself as a teacher before that.
I’m not sure her desire to never be pregnant went away. She made a family decision with her partner, like one does, but I’m kind of with her. Externally, I see pregnancy as the most human of miracles, but being pregnant was the effing pits! We’ve had two and I am CLOSED for business. However, the will to adopt and to foster and to mother about is still in me and we are already talking about adoption. There are millions of children without secure living situations right now. If we really saw ourselves as a global society, the welfare of each of those kids would be figured out right away. We want to adopt locally, however.
Im sorry pregnancy was such a negative experience for you. I can honestly say it was the best nine months I ever spent.
It’s okay, I’m over it.
I have kids thank goodness but if I were younger there’s no way I’d be bringing a child into this world. What future do they have? Will they be able to breath clean air, drink clean water? Will there be food? Seriously I have not seen the world in such a bad place. Wars everywhere. Rich getting richer, poor becoming poorer. I’d be asking those questions. It’s very scary and unstable.
On another note Angie’s little boy was very cute.
I just turned 47 and people STILL speculate about my husband and I possibly having kids! After 23 years of marriage, it just didn’t happen. I was never really concerned one way or the other. Now,considering the state of the world (healthcare, the economy, racism and militant police forces, food and water supplies, pollution, etc.), we’re somewhat relieved at how things turned out. Having children should be the most important decision of one’s life. But it seems as though a lot of people tend to enter into parenthood kinda willy-nilly. ( As we also would have!) Now that I’m older, I get what a big responsibility it is.
I agree. Kids seem like a lot of responsibility. The way the world is, it’s hard to want to bring a human into it. I think people should think long and hard before having kids. Most people just give in to societal pressure or think they have to have kids “just because”. It’s a stupid way of thinking.
Maybe there is more to the story that she doesn’t bring up because she was vocal about considering herself to be a step mom to Billy Bob Thornton kids.
What?
She has talked about BBT kids and they have always said positive things about her. That has nothing to do with this. She is filming in Cambodia; she talked about how the country changed her life. She adopted her son. Angie was talking about not having biological kids before she met BBT.. and she said the same thing when she and Brad first became a couple. There is nothing “more” to the story. Just her sharing how she thought her life would be one way and it turned out differently. Something that has and will happen to a lot of people