These Robert Pattinson/Kristen Stewart stories really take me back to high school. Even the tabloid and gossip site reporting on the stuff seem like old-school Teen Beat reporting. Like “Cutie Robert Pattz thinks K-Stew is the bomb! Yizzzaa!” Anyway, though mothers and daughters seem to adore Robert Pattinson equally, there’s trouble in mom-approved paradise.

Kristen Stewart allegedly is still dating this actor named Michael Angarano, and yet multiple sources are claiming she’s hooking up with R-Pattz. Of course, these sources are of the Ted Casablanca and Star Magazine variety. So… yeah, it’s probably nothing. Let’s hear what Ted “I make stuff up regularly” Casablanca has to say:

Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart, getting PG frisky up in Vancouver. That’s what any girl does who supposedly still has a boyfriend, right? The costars were grocery shopping over the weekend when a fellow shopper noticed the duo “holding hands” as they walked around inside.

R and K even stopped to “giggle” at the current tabloids with their hot little mugs plastered all over ’em. Robsten quickly turned incognito when they noticed people staring, and all of a sudden kept their hands to themselves. No need to hide, babes, come out of the dating closet already!

[From E! Online, “The Awful Truth”]

“Robsten” isn’t as cute as R-Pattz and K-Stew, Casablanca. Or perhaps… “Krisert”, pronounced Kriz-urt. It’s like something Snoop Dog would have made up. Another reason why Casablanca’s gossip has the whiff of bullsh*t is the lack of any detailed timeline and corresponding Teen Beat-esque, uncool, Bermuda-triangle drama (or, as the kids say “dramz”).

But Star has got that covered! They’re alleging not only significant hook-ups for R-Pattz and K-Stew, but also say that Pattz has something going with Nikki Reed. Oh, the dramz! Now, Star Magazine knows how to do a drama-filled, anonymous-sourced, crazy report:

He’s the hottest young male star in Hollywood – and now Robert Pattinson is caught between two of his pretty costars! While Rob, 22, is sinking his teeth into playing vampire Edward Cullen in New Moon, the upcoming sequel to the megahit Twilight, the real drama is raging off set between Kristen Stewart and Nikki Reed!

“The girls are competing for Rob’s attention,” a source tells Star. “Kristen and Nikki both like him, and it’s getting ugly. They’re headed for a major showdown!”

Prowling Around
Adding fuel to the fire, Rob has been paying visits to Kristen’s and Nikki’s hotel rooms! While the actresses are camped at The Sutton Place Hutel in Vancouver, Rob is supposed to spend his nights at a super-secret location a couple of blocks away to thwart the hordes of avid fans. But he’s frequently spied at the hotel, staying over with Kristen or Nikki, a source tells Star.

“He often arrive late and leaves early in the morning, so we all know he’s hooking up with one of them.”

Or maybe even both! One eyewitness reveals that Rob is an early-morning regular at the News Cafe in the hotel lobby. “He charges coffee to a suite on the ninth floor, where Nikki has a room,” says the eyewitness. “He always looks like he just woke up.”

But another hotel insider dishes that shortly after Nikki, who plays Rob’s adopted vampire sister Rosalie Hale, returned to L.A. for a few days, “Rob was hitting the 12th floor, where Kristen is staying!”

Further taking advantage of Nikki’s absence, insiders say Kristen got cozy with the British heartthrob almost every night she was away, hitting India Bistro on April 4, going to Italian Kitchen the next night and munching on Kobe beef meatballs at Glowal on April 6.

But when Nikki, 20, got back to Canada, she immediately jumped into the fray for Rob’s devotion at Kristen’s 19th birthday party at Chill Winston on April 9. “Rob was literally sandwiched between the two girls,” says a source, who notes that Kristen, who has been linked to actor Michael Angarano, “was acting like a single girl since Michael was nowhere in sight.”

But after the party, Nikki laid claim to Rob, says the source. “She rushed out and squeezed into the cab he was taking so Kristen couldn’t fit.”

The next night, Rob and Nikki shared shellfish at an intimate back table at Rodney’s Oyster bar. “At one point, Rob put his hand through Nikki’s hair to move it out of her face,” says a source. “At the end of the night they left together.”

So who’s ahead in the battle of the brunettes? “It’s obvious that there’s a lot of chemistry between Rob and Nikki,” Jasmine Mamujee, an extra on New Moon tells Star. “But as soon as Kristen comes onto the scene, Rob acts different, like he isn’t that interested in Nikki. It’s as though he has a crush on both of them. He’s a ladies’ man and likes to play around.”

“That’s the problem,” says the source. “Both girls may end up losers in this war.”

[From Star Magazine, print edition]

Is it weird that I think a lot of this is probably true? They’re just kids – horny, crazy, drama-loving kids. I bet Pattz is totally hooking up with Nikki Reed, and he’s probably trying to get in K-Stew’s pants as well. But is K-Stew putting out? It seems like she’s playing him as much as Pattz is trying to be a player. And I totally believe that Pattz is the kind of guy who would ignore the girl he’s really sleeping with (Nikki) because the girl he wants to sleep with (K-Stew) comes in the room. Don’t hate the player, hate the game, Pattz!

Here are Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart on the “New Moon” set in Vancouver on April 11th. Images thanks to BauerGriffinOnline.