Last summer, Lucy Liu announced that she had welcomed her first child into the world, son Rockwell Lloyd Liu, via gestational surrogacy. At the time, Lucy was an ageless 46 years old, and many people believed that she chose the gestational surrogacy path because of her age, and possibly because of her work schedule, what with starring in an hour-long drama on network television. As it turns out, Lucy says she chose to use a gestational carrier because of work… sort of. Lucy is promoting her work with the Tylenol campaign #HowWeFamily. It’s Tylenol’s campaign to embrace traditional and non-traditional families with more inclusion, respect and representation, I would assume. Lucy gave interviews to Us Weekly and People magazine on behalf of the campaign, and she’s talking more about why she chose the gestational carrier route. Some highlights:
The #HowWeFamily campaign: “I think ‘How We Family’ is about how we as a modern family are connecting now. Whether it’s your gay parents and you’re doing it that way, or you have a child that’s transgender, it’s more about how you love. I think that’s a really wonderful way to support non-traditional families and make what we are doing now what is tradition….People should be inspired and feel comfortable having a family regardless of the fact if they’re not married or if they’re gay or if they’re transgender. It’s not about how you are having your families but how you love your families.”
Why she chose to use a gestational surrogacy: “It just seemed like the right option for me because I was working and I didn’t know when I was going to be able to stop. I decided that was probably the best solution for me, and it turned out to be great. When I finally decided to do it, I had information and asked around about it. And there’s other people who have used gestational carriers, so I had those people to kind of fall back on. I also relied a lot on my doctor who I thought had a lot of input and great insight on everything. It’s amazing the options that are available. There are so many people that have been trying for years, but now because of science there is the opportunity to have children for people who are not fertile at all and for people who are wanting it later in life. It’s just great.”
Rockwell’s best friend is Apple the Dog: “She’s really gentle. She’s protective, too. She’ll sit between him and whoever else comes in just to make sure they don’t step on him. It’s really beautiful to see how they interact.”
Rockwell is happy: “He’s a really happy baby. He’s just really easygoing, and he’s very social and curious. He’s really focused. If he’s going after something — because now he’s crawling — he is focused on it. You can’t distract him. For some reason he’s obsessed with my dog’s toys. He’s teething, and it’s bothering him … He’s given me a great sense of peace and comfort, if that makes any sense. All of the things that they tell you that you’re going to feel emotionally just start sprouting. Everything becomes a wonderful rainbow of delight.”
[From Us Weekly & People Magazine]
Unfortunately, this made me think of the Dylan Lauren story from last year, where Dylan talked about the convenience of having children via gestational surrogate because she was traveling for work. I hope people don’t side-eye Lucy the same way Dylan Lauren was side-eyed. For one, it sounds like Lucy was committed and is still committed to motherhood (whereas Dylan seemed to just agree to parenthood because her husband wanted kids). Lucy is a single mom, and I think what’s being left unsaid is that she was waiting for things in her life to line up – perhaps a husband, pregnancy, etc – and she got to an age where she didn’t want to wait anymore (and couldn’t wait anymore) and just decided to take her own path.
As I’ve said before, no woman is required to explain her fertility issues or why and how she decided to become a mother. It’s none of my business. But I always cringe a little when women make it sound like they chose surrogacy/gestational carriers because pregnancy was inconvenient to their schedules. Maybe that’s my issue, I don’t know.
Photos courtesy of Lucy’s Instagram, WENN.
Wow that baby is freaking adorable.
That pic with the choco lab is ridiculously cute.
No opinion about her choices regarding gestational surrogacy–her business.
@Kaiser that is also my issue. Even if that’s not how she meant it comes off really wrong. If you don’t have time for a pregnancy bow will you have time for a child.
Maybe she just doesn’t want to go through being pregnant. I feel that way. The working thing is something she probably thinks sounds more acceptable.
I totally agree with Kitten -and especially Snowflake. I don’t want to have to go through a pregnancy either. Really when we decide that women who don’t want to be pregnant, for whatever reason, are making inappropriate, unreasonable or selfish choices, whether we know it or not, were just buying into systemic sexism with arguments that promote hegemonic masculinity. Were told as women were expected to be nurturing enough to want to go through the 9 months of hell that carrying a baby is, otherwise we ‘don’t care enough to deserve one’, or that if were not prepared to put in the 9+ months of time were being too selfish/lazy to deserve one. Let’s not forget -that period of time will, for most women, destroy their careers so that they will forever be playing catch up to their male counterparts on lower salaries.
If you sit down and think about it, it should be pretty obvious that there’s something wrong with that thought process, that this isn’t a question we ask of men, simply through an accident of biology. I’m pretty certain that if men had to go through the child-birthing process, a much higher percentage of them would be less inclined to go through with having children. We really need to stop negatively judging any woman who doesn’t want to carry a child because those attitudes are not helping women’s rights. Ask yourselves why we have to look at pregnancy as some female ‘badge of honour’. Why can’t someone just not want to do it?
Or, like, it is unspeakable to mention that women have a very short fertility window. It’s not sexy to be too old to have babies. I know this isn’t what was said, but that is sort of implied here. So what if you got a surrogate because you were too old? There should be no shame in that, but it seems more acceptable to say, “I was working”. Too old is the ONLY unforgivable crime in Hollywood.
Good point, LadyJane. If she was projecting the “too old to have babies” thing, then she probably wouldn’t be working.
I feel like people are going to conveniently forget this – it’s not as easy for women to conceive at a later age, and I can definitely see how Lucy wouldn’t want to bring her own age to the forefront of the discussion, especially considering her line of work.
Is it just me, or is it possible she means she didn’t want go to through the fertility treatments or maybe the IVF she would ostensibly need–because she was working? Otherwise why would she need to stop? Maybe she would’ve had to go on bed rest. This just doesn’t necessarily seem like Dylan Lauren, who explicitly linked her choice to not having enough time.
I don’t see why it would have been such a big deal for her to say “Hey, I was almost 50 and the window of opportunity to conceive was closing or I had tried to conceive and it didn’t happen or there was no Mr. Right or I’m gay but haven’t told you yet”. But like people have said, maybe that isn’t acceptable in Hollywood. I don’t know. But it sounds weird and a bit trite to say she was too busy working. That being said, I hope she and her bundle of joy are very happy together. He is very cute and she is still so gorgeous even though she is just a few years younger than me (and I am nowhere near as well preserved).
I agree, Kitten. That child is so adorable! I also don’t have thoughts on her approach to motherhood. I am glad both she and the baby seem to be happy and thriving. She doesn’t owe us an explanation for her decisions.
He’s precious. I remember when my son started feeding himself and most of what was in the dish ended up in his hair, his eyebrows and the floor.
I’ve kind of always wondered how actresses and models get pregnant and carry their own children without it hindering their career. I’m talking specifically about what havoc pregnancy causes on your body with stretch marks, loose skin, etc.
I certainly wouldn’t want to do a bikini scene in a movie after my two kids!
I think they get plastic surgery. Nicole Kidman and Courtney Cox have done so much stuff to their faces, I figure they’d be willing to do stuff to their bodies (while also exercising and doing other natural things). To be fair, it depends on which celebrity you’re talking about. If they’ve done a lot to their faces, I figure they wouldn’t discriminate against doing work on their bodies. I don’t tend to make assumptions about the more natural looking celebrities.
Plus they have the resources to hire trainers and nutritionists to carefully monitor them while pregnant so they don’t gain too much weight.
Believe it or not, some women don’t gain that much weight while pregnant, don’t get stretch marks, and don’t need a personal trainer or surgery. Just bc you can’t relate to that, don’t assume all thin, non-stretch mark covered moms are getting surgery. Don’t sound so salty.
…she’s not the one that sounds salty.
No some don’t need it but, likewise some do and I don’t think perplexed said all moms. They work in an industry where studios hire trainers to get them in shape for roles, their appearance is important, I’m not judging them for it.
(for the record, currently heavily pregnant and very little weight gain and no stretchmarks, so I’m not “salty”)
A friend of mine worked for a very famous photographer and this person told me that they go to great lengths to photoshop and erase stretch marks and cellulite . They said they had been shocked to see the raw photos of models and celebs who had babies, but went around pretending their bodies hadn’t changed. They also use tubs of body makeup.
I don’t know or judge anyone else because being pregnant is HARD. I watched what I ate, and worked out daily. No stretch marks. No acne. My hair and skin had never looked better. I hardly gained any weight. I’m small to begin with. My mom was the same way so I’m assumeing what I did helped, but that it was mainly genetic. My boobs got huge! I honestly never felt sexier in my life. I can’t wait to be pregnant again. I use to think being pregnant was the hard part, then came the newborn. LOL No sleep, no shower, I’m lucky to grab a cheese slice, always cold coffee, always cold food..but I wouldn’t trade baby for anything. Oh and those daily workouts are long gone. By the time I get a chance to workout, I’m EXHAUSTED. Lol Good for her for making the choices she did. I’m sure that baby is very loved and cared for to the nth degree!
Apparently a lot of celebrities lie about their due date and give birth around the 8 month mark. They have a tummy tuck straight after birth. My friend who works in the industry told me this- who knows if it’s true!
I never had any stretch marks and I’m a very small person who gave birth to an average size baby (7lbs+). It was just genetics…and a lot of lotion.
I’m not shading, shaming, or judging, but IMO, she used a surrogate b/c her body is her bread and butter – no film or show wants a thick Lucy Lui. It’s her decision and it that were the reason, I don’t blame her one bit. I might do the same if my job and livelihood depended on my body being perfect. I didn’t know when I got pregnant that I would not have stretchmarks or extra skin, so if I were an actress, I might not have taken that risk either.
I have a few stretch marks under my belly button and on my hips. I honestly don’t care nor do I care I will never have the same stomach I had at 22. I don’t judge other women’s bodies either. The focus should be healing and caring for the new baby. There’s plenty of time to exercise hard, if that’s your thing, later. Who needs the extra pressure?
“Believe it or not, some women don’t gain that much weight while pregnant, don’t get stretch marks, and don’t need a personal trainer or surgery. Just bc you can’t relate to that, don’t assume all thin, non-stretch mark covered moms are getting surgery. Don’t sound so salty.”
Thanks for letting me know, Nicole Kidman. Since you tweaked everything on your face, I guess it wouldn’t naturally occur to me that you would never dare re-arrange the rest of your body, which you hold sacred and untouchable, with a knife.
Kidman had a surrogate for her 2nd child.
..
I think she worded her statement better than Dylan Lauren did. I think Lauren may have made the “mistake” of saying her husband wanted the children and not her.
Liu makes it sound as though she truly wanted to be a mother, and so I think it’s easier to “accept” her statement because of that.
She was probably 45 when she made this decision. The reality is that she had to work and she didn’t know how a pregnancy would go. She could have ended up on months of bed rest or worse.
We need to stop judging how people choose to achieve their families.
Well said
And being 45, even in good health, automatically makes you a high risk pregnancy because of the greater statistical likelihood of problems, such as pre-eclampsia in older mothers. There is a much higher likelihood of needing some level of bed rest or reduced activity. Older mothers typically have better outcomes because they have more resources and our more prepared for problems — but it doesn’t mean problems aren’t more likely to happen in the first place. And I don’t say this as shade against older moms — I became a single mom at 39 — it’s just a medical fact.
On the other hand, if convenience is the main motivation — it doesn’t hold much water for me. Kids are hugely inconvenient, with terrible timing for their many needs, from conception to birth and onward into childhood.
Women can’t win, I’ve seen actresses being criticised for getting pregnant when they have a movie/tv show to film and it has to be explained/written in and the affect it has on production and they’re criticised when they make the choice to use a surrogate.
*sigh*
Yes! People really need to get their noses out of other peoples uteruses.
Agreed. And it always strikes me as odd that men who father children do NOT get asked the same questions about how a new baby will affect their abilities to work and meet their commitments.
This. And the single parent question. There are single dad’s out there, lots of them. Not all women who give birth are mothers.
Exactly. We will never win.
I just read a comment last week of a person criticizing Kerry Washington for getting pregnant again.I don’t watch Scandal but apparently her last pregnancy affected the show,less episodes.
SMH
It put a major crimp in Shonda Rhimes’s plan to have the show mirror this year’s actual presidential election. The season has been cut to 16 episodes and will probably start in February instead of September. I wish I could have been a fly on the wall when KW told Shonda she was pregnant. She must have shat a brick.
Will never win.
We’re too young to have children. Too old to have children. Shouldn’t have chosen to carry a child while so old. Shouldn’t have chosen a gestational carrier/surrogate to carry the child. Shouldn’t have gotten pregnant while shooting a beloved TV show. Shouldn’t have let pregnancy delay shooting a beloved TV show. Shouldn’t have chosen to have a child if you’re so busy. Shouldn’t let a child “ruin” your life/career. Shouldn’t talk about your children. Don’t talk about the children enough (cold b#tch).
And it goes on and on.
Yep-you can’t win. If you don’t have kids you are criticized for that too.
So true. I get sick of it.
Congrats to her. But just wondering, if you don’t have “time” to carry a child, how do you have “time” to take care of it? I guess nannies? Hey I see nothing wrong with having someone else carry your baby. Pregnancy seems like hell.
I worked on Elementary and the baby is kept on set.
Did you get a cuddle?
I think that the “time to carry a child” means that time of a year or more where your body is changing rapidly, and you need recovery time after, That difficult to shoot around, travel around, and schedule around. Once a child is actually in the world life is much easier to schedule – especially if we’re talking about a Celebrity and their odd ball life/routine/perks.
That’s a very good question. However, she is (officaly) 46. While some women over 40 do have very “normal and easy” pregnancy (or as easy a pregnancy could be, which is.. not that much), for most it’s early bed-rest and health concerns incompatible with work.
Yeah that is weird wording on her part but I completely agree with you @me. Pregnancy is a walk in the park compared to the long term commitment of parenting. Don’t get me wrong, I adore my children but they are ten times the effort and work that a bigger belly and maybe a few hemorrhoids are. Lol.
Bingo! You have no time to be pregnant but plenty of time to parent a child for the next 18 years? It doesn’t make any sense.
Pregnancy is not Hollywood friendly and as a single mother, I don’t shade her for providing a nest egg for her son while he’s gestating. One or two men having a child this way wouldn’t be criticized for the same reason obviously. I don’t think a woman should be criticized either, especially one that relies in a big way on looks to stay in her profession.
I’m sure she means working around a shooting schedule with a pregnant belly and possible health concerns that could keep her from working.
Yup, I’m sorry I’d sign up for taking care of a baby right now before I’d sign up for being pregnant. One is clearly more consuming.
Me too. I hated being pregnant so much. Felt awful the entire time, threw up daily for 8 months, couldn’t eat anything and could barely walk the last month. I’d much rather take care of a baby (especially if I were a celebrity who could get a night nanny, a nutritionist, and lots of other help). Good for her for doing what she wanted and what she thinks is right for her family.
Very different. Being pregnant would make shooting her show problematic and rarely is it ever written into the script in a believable way. She’s 46 and for her it was the best route most likely for a variety of reasons. Having a baby cared for by a nanny will not alter her ability to work.
Men do it all the time, no problem.
Cute pictures
Wow! What a cutie! As long as she’s committed to being a parent (clearly is) how she gets there is her business.
Also, given her age there’s a decent chance this would have been the outcome regardless.
Congratulations to her!!
I can’t fault any woman for this, especially in the US. I had a baby (here in canada) and luckily I got 1 year mat leave with full pay and an additional 6 months at half pay (did some work from home) and was able to take loads of paid time off when I was sick or couldn’t come in while pregnant. I couldn’t even make it back after a year and my amazing company took me back on a part time basis so I could spend more time home with my daughter. The American system is skewed against women and a large majority are discriminated against while pregnant so I honestly can’t judge.
Excellent point. The lack of support for new parents in this “great” country is shameful. And I am a proud American but our parental leave policies are pitiful. John Oliver’s Mother’s Day segment last year nails it.
It’s really shocking. Mother’s Day rolls around and everybody’s all sentimental and shops and restaurants make extra money, and then boom, right back to the harsh realities of raising a child in the US of A. I will never understand this. We need to have children to perpetuate the species and carry on. Motherhood is (for most) not a self-indulgent exercise in self-glorification.
I had to laugh at the last sentence Who. So true. It’s very self-glorifying when you haven’t slept, showered or brushed your teeth in three days and realize that you are still wearing the same sweatpants you meant to wash a week ago. Ah, the glory, the beauty, the indulgence. I am so glad that that phase is over, haha!
Lol. One day I had to get gas and of course I was wearing my favorite uniform of sweatpants. When I was feeling a bit embarrassed getting the gas I considered stretching to give the impression my outfit was a result of me just finishing up an intense workout session. Oh the glory and pride.
Very true. Lol I have wild sleepers who love to crawl into my bed and assault me with flails and pushed feet on my face or neck. I’ll get hot because the little heat seeking missles pile on me or press against me. No beauty rest for me.
Work commitments aside, pregnancy would NOT be easy on a 46 year old body. Between increased risks of pre-eclampsia, early labour, miscarriage and the usual bouts of vomiting, peeing and general irritability, she might have been worried whether she can actually go through it and still deliver a healthy baby and honour her work commitments.
The work commitment is not a joke – that show employs hundreds of side personnel. It’s not just her paycheck that would be affected. And if she went through a difficult pregnancy, it would impact not only her, but also her baby and a whole lot of people whose families depend on that show for employment.
So her decision is not the same as someone who just doesn’t want to take the time out of their busy schedule.
She has a lovely son. All the best to both of them.
I love Lucy but I’m always kind of taken aback when people who use surrogacy make these kind of statements. I know it’s her choice and but if she couldn’t take the time to stop and have a baby how is she going to do later? I don’t maybe I was expecting another kind of reasoning behind her choice.
Men don’t carry their child to term, yet somehow they are still capable parents. Why does she have to be pregnant to be a good mother?
I just can never muster up the concern over how people have or take care of their children.
There are children genuinely starving or being sold into sexual slavery. A person with money possibly being a slightly aloof parent isn’t enough to raise my concerns. You can be carried by your mother for 9 months and have no promise for an emotionally stable and happy home environment. (I currently know someone who’s small child found the gun her drug dealer husband leaves in his pants)
Likewise you can never carry a child and be as loving and devoted a mother as anyone else .
I just don’t really understand why people turn themselves into tizzies when parenting is one of the most unregulated human interactions we have and there is no perfect formula for a happy life. Adoption, surrogacy, in vitro. Whatever can help a mother have a child if she wants is fine by me.
Great comment, and often the people who pass judgement on how or when someone chooses to become a mother are the same people that want to force women to carry unwanted pregnancies.
Everything you said, Eternal Side-eye. It’s how you raise that child that matters, not how that child came into being. Love is all that matters.
For those judging her surrogacy — remember that half the population can choose to become a parent in a way that is convenient for their schedules without having to carry it, and go back to work immediately after the birth.
Lol. So true. Which is why I honestly wonder what we are doing sometimes as a society – why we give such little value to something as important as maternity and child raising.
Healthy children require healthy mothers. Why does it always seem like a choice between motherhood and career? Why does it sometimes seem like women have to say “sorry” for needing time to rest during pregnancy, and time to heal afterwards, and time to breastfeed the infants…
It’s not like women chose the system…
The only time the business world pays attention to mothers is on Mother’s Day and when it wants their hard-earned, unequally earned pay handed over for private school, summer camp, after-school activities and heavily branded child gear.
Y’all, I was talking about men. As in, men can choose to become parents and have someone else carry the baby, and go right back to work, and ask that someone else stay home and take care of them, and no one judges them for it.
I’m a believer of surrogacy for those who want the convenience. Yes, convenience. Motherhood is not supposed to be remittance for our sins.
Absolutely hell yes to both of your comments.
Men, by virtue of the way they were born, can make the exact same choice that Lucy did and it’s 100% normal. That’s the way it is. I have zero shade for equality.
This comment deserves all of the points, yes.
Great comment. In the modern age where well-educated career women now have the options to “have it all” and “do it all”, there is no shame in trying to make life more convenient however way she chooses. Whether that is choosing a surrogate or hiring a babysitter/nanny while working full-time to make bank and rise up the career ladder. I’m sickened that so many women still judge other women for this. Not all of us strive to be a Duchess Dolittle, living off of a man and wanting our lives defined by only our children. Get into the 21st century people!
Amen.
I think women in the USA should definitely fight for maternity leave, even if it’s just 5 months like in my country + up to 2 years of reduced working schedule (feeding hours)..
THANK YOU
The question I have is do folks who make this choice-say because of career issues-understand that the process of carrying a child begins a process of bonding & communication with their child? The expectant mother is also given nine months to transition to the role of being a mother as she is continually reminded of this new life. Again, my question is geared towards those who do this for other than health-related reasons.
Well I’m not a mother but – gay parents, single mothers, the infertile, adopted parents, foster parents, etc.
Sure carrying a child is a special bond but we have a working society BECAUSE people who didn’t have a chance to bond with a baby in a womb are able to love and devote themselves to a child regardless. There are people raising their own siblings or their sister’s/brothers kids because of tragedy who have every inch of the mindset and bond of a parent because they’ve made the choice to do so.
The expectant mother isn’t “given” 9 months for the purposes of transition; 9 months is the time period that evolution developed for gestating a little human. Women can take advantage of this time for reflection and preparation, or not. A lot of them are too busy working 2 jobs and the rest of the time they want to get off their feet.
Parents by adoption and other means do take time to prepare, obviously. Babies don’t just fall out of the sky for them, either.
My comment applied to those who choose this procedure for other than health related reasons. There is a wisdom in Mother Nature and there is a lot going on during the gestation period other than the physical growth of a fetus. The 9 months helps the mother to transition to another role; a role that lasts forever. There is a real mystical piece to pregnancy….IMO there is a issue of whether this process is being reduced to a kind of mechanistic process. I understand that medical technology makes certain things possible, but there are also questions (ethical & otherwise) that come into play. Again,my comment is not meant to slam anyone, but to raise other aspects of this choice.
But for a lot of women pregnancy is a mechanical process.
I think as women we often are told to romanticize every stage of development in our lives. We are told pregnancy is something to be experienced that will change every aspect of you and bring you closer to your child – so they say, with the idea that if you don’t romanticize the experience and consider it a spiritual change you’re already failing as a parent. Then the rules just keep growing. If you choose to have a c-section and not a vaginal birth you’re denying yourself the spiritual bond of pushing out your child. If you choose to return to work you’re missing out on the spiritual bond of being home all day with them.
Dozens of women report frankly hating being pregnant, not feeling that spiritual or emotional bond until AFTER their child was born and not relishing the idea of being pregnant again save for the wonder that is their child AFTER they’re born.
My point refers to prenatal attachment issues- there is a well documented connection between mother and child during pregnancy. Studies have shown for example that fetuses are affected by maternal stress. Part of the explanation is the role that hormones play. There is also a lot of anecdotal information from mothers on their connection with their in utero child. Something is going on there beyond hormones. And, if one looks at twins, there is lots of evidence on the twin bond which starts in utero and continues thru out life. Many of these things can’t be explained. This in no way casts aspersions on say adoptive mothers (mothers-of-the-heart). There are wonderful stories about adoptive mothers too.
Yeah, it was super mystical to throw up every day for 8 months, to feel like shit every day, to not be able to sleep or eat anything (even drink water) because of ridiculous heartburn, to barely be able to walk and to have my hormones go insane, and then to have 12 hours of horribly painful contractions and push a watermelon through a hole the size of a plum, and then to hurt and bleed for weeks afterwards. Twice!!! SO LOVELY. I was feeling too crappy to bond with the baby until after the baby was actually born and my body slowly got back to normal. I have a wonderful relationship with both of my children. Many of my friends also completely hated being pregnant and didn’t bond with their children until after the child was born, and in some cases not for months after, and they also have wonderful relationships with their children. People choose to be parents in many different ways and thank whatever forces you believe in that we actually have those choices.
Amelie, you’re getting so stuck on the point you’re trying to make that you can’t see the lack of compassion in it. The deeper implications of the ideas you’re suggesting are that mothers/families/anyone who has their babies in any way other than themselves, vaginally, for any reason other than health purposes has already slightly failed as a parent. These ideas suggest that a parent who doesn’t physically carry their child cannot fully bond with the child in the way that mothers who carry their children can, and that children in non-traditional families like the other posters have mentioned will inevitably be negatively affected by this. That’s a really hurtful implication to make about to those with non-traditional families, many of whom probably post on or read this site. And emphasizing the fact that you’re only talking about people who do this for non-medical reasons doesn’t make your point any kinder. What about the children of those parents? Since their parents had them via surrogate or what have you for medical reasons, do they get a pass that allows their child to avoid these negative, bond-inhibiting affects of not carrying your child in the womb? And the biggest question: how does any of this affect you at all? How does the bond a newborn infant may or may not have with his parent (one that has an opportunity to form throughout the process of actually raising said child) affect you in any way? It seems like you’re using it as an excuse to be judgy, and that’s not okay. Many people achieve their families in a non traditional way, but you bet your ass their homes are full of just as much love as the homes of the people who did it a traditional way. One could even argue that making the choice to love a child you didn’t physically carry can facilitate an even stronger bond. Point is, love is love, and love is good. That child up there is clearly loved. It’s no one’s business to judge.
Folks are going way beyond my thesis statement. Sigh…
For anyone interested in exploring the link between the in utero baby and mother, Dr. Fred Wirth, neonatologist, has written some very worthwhile books.
Oh, vomit.
If pregnancy is such a beautiful and mystical process, please explain why moms who abuse their kids exist.
All well and good, of course there’s benefits to growing in the womb and having your child that way similar to the benefits of breastfeeding.
But that’s not the end all be all of life. None of us have an immaculate perfect pregnancy, there are millions of complex factors that could have screwed any of us from the womb or laid the seeds of genius that never took fruition. Nature vs. Nurture and all that.
9 perfect months in a womb can be totally negated by 2 sh*tty months in a bad day care center. That’s life. No point in trying to make yourself fit some mold. Personally mothers have to also make the right decisions for themselves, their bodies and their mental health.
You can feel free to spend a week in my hospital’s neonatal drug addiction ward to see just how “mystical” some women feel during pregnancy. Pregnancy seems a lot more mechanistic when you see on a regular basis how little impact the responsibility of a tiny human life can have on some people.
Here’s the perspective of a cynical medical professional: your warm, gooey feelings of intense baby love are in large part the result of a few key hormones working together to make you want to take care of that pissing, shitting, crying, screaming ball of writhing id. Those same feelings are triggered to a certain extent in all of us when we’re around infants, male or female. Mechanistic? You’re damn right it is, and that’s a good thing because it’s what can help us treat things like post-partum depression and other things that can keep biological mothers from attaching to newborns. It’s also what allows us to form powerful social bonds to extended family and adopted children. The hormones released during pregnancy exacerbate these effects, but they are certainly not an end all to psychological bonding. Frankly, the irony of your claims are that it renders pregnancy and parenting as an entirely mechanical process – because if bonding could only be achieved in the womb, then non-traditional family structures would be impossible.
@Veronica:
Drug addicted mothers-to-be are only one population and offer a distorted view of pregnancy. It’s not a fair comparison with non drug addicted pregnant women. We know that drug addicted mothers produce drug addicted babies and that drug addicted babies are a challenge to take care of. It’s not just hormones at issue. but how their central nervous system for example has been impaired per exposure to drugs. In fact, drug addicted babies very typically have multiple life long issues that include attachment issues. My experience with these infants is that they can’t be soothed and don’t want to be held. As I stated previously, this population is not a fair comparison..
The short answer is: yes, mother-child bonding does start to occur in the womb. One of the biggest things is voice recognition. Babies are born showing a marked preference for the voice of their birth mother. In some cases like surrogacy and adoption, intended mothers will actually record themselves talking or reading and the carrier will play that for the baby routinely to try to ingrain a memory of the intended mother’s voice.
In reality, we know very, very little about whether this stuff has any actual impact on a person as they age or grow. I think it’s a bit of a stretch to argue that being separated from the birth mother can really damage the baby. There are some valid concerns about access to things like breast milk, but those aren’t considered major. And overall, surrogacy is pretty new in terms of human history. I don’t think there’s enough evidence out there to make such determinations, at least not yet.
I absolutely agree on the voice recognition. I had a c-section, and was probably the 4th or 5th person to talk to my baby, and he didn’t open his eyes until he heard my voice. There’s definitely something to that.
Fathers don’t carry children and are equally capable of loving, bonded relationships with their children. Familial bonds aren’t simply biology, they’re also the actions of loving, nurturing, and caring for a child each day. Giving birth is a great start, but certainly not necessary.
Exactly. Adoptive parents love their children, how is that different? An adoptive mom cannot be as bonded with her child? That’s crap.
I also 100% agree father’s have loving, bonded relationships with their children. My dad and I are very close. My husband is not my daughters biological father but he is her Dad. They are very close and have an amazing relationship, always have.
I’ve parented by adoption and one of the many nosy questions people asked was “How about bonding? Was he/she able to bond?” It was not only nosy and usually way out of proportion to our degree of intimacy; it was also based on inconclusive research about bonding – they were all playing armchair psychiatrist about something they read in a magazine or saw in a Lifetime movie. Suddenly everybody was a “bonding” expert. We knew what they were really asking: “Is your child (by adoption) NORMAL?”
Needless to say, we didn’t see the need to respond to that question.
Good questions for adoptive parents:
1. What toys does your child like to play with?
2. What can I bring to eat when I come over?
3. Can I watch your child for you some time?
4. What size is your child and what color does he/she look good in?
5. Does he/she like stuffies?
Notice these have nothing to do with the child’s emotional development and adoption.
Yes they are. My father is a wonderful man who always made sure we knew he loved us. He’s affectionate and always there whenever and wherever. I doubt he loves all us any less than my mother. My adopted cousins are deeply loved and cherished. I don’t get this line of thinking.
@watp-I have adopted cousins and no one has ever treated them differently. They are beloved by all the same. Their mothers couldn’t have children and one had a very traumatic still birth but both wanted children desperately and adoption was a viable option. People seem to think they have a right to ask very personal things in the interest of…? Who knows. My aunt calls her children ‘the babies of my heart and soul.’ The youngest was adopted as a toddler and we had a big party when they brought him home.
They are adjusted and have no interest at this point in finding their birth mothers.
Babies recognize their father’s voices as well. My daughter gave the biggest leap in my belly when her father showed up and started talking while I was in the doctor’s office for preterm labor.
I have no problem with Lucy using a surrogate. And actually, women have been having babies for other women for as long as human beings have been on this planet, so it really isn’t new. The only new thing is the actual egg being from the birth mother (if that is what happened here).
We can’t be sure but I believe that Lucy used her own egg and had another woman carry the baby. It’s still Lucy’s biological child, which I think is great that today there are options such as this for women in their 40s to still have biological children if they choose that route. Men are rarely criticized for having children well into their 50s and 60s (or even later!). Forty is still young and Lucy will likely live to an old age. She wants to be a mom and has the money to take good care of her baby. There is nothing wrong with this in my opinion.
Sam/Amelie: You conclusions would make sense if adoption or families with only Male parents or indeed the male half of a straight couple or transgender parents didn’t work. Clearly adoption doesn’t start in the womb, and the male parents can’t ever experience that 9month in the womb feeling, yet they are able to bond with their children. Some meet said children when they aren’t newborns, yet bonding still takes place.
Then there is the never ending problem of babies/children bonding with their caretakers eg children having a stronger bond with their nannies than the women who birthed them!!!
All scenerios repeated the world over in the billions thus debunking your theory.
Thanks for this. Maybe one way to reconcile the points of view is to understand that new humans are shaped in many ways by their lives in the uterus, but their development continues long after birth and healthy, loving relationships (and good medical attention) after birth are at least as significant as pre-natal bonding. It’s a matter of degree. Severe stress during pregnancy, such as a pregnant woman being beaten (it can start then), or prenatal depression, can affect that baby’s stress responses and perhaps even physiology (epigenetics). But normal everyday stress, mothers and babies have been dealing with that since the beginning of people time. You could have a healthy surrogate in a willing pregnancy, well cared for, baby comfortable — the transition to the new mother is not going to be nearly as hard. 18+ years raising a child can, most of the time, make up for the 9 months gestating a child.
How she had her son isn’t anyone’s business and is no one’s place to judge. She’s a busy woman with a career and at 46 carrying a baby is not easy. Would anyone judge if she had adopted? No, it would be all, “awww, isn’t she great?” Yes, she would have been but to decide to have a baby via a surrogate is wonderful too. Maybe she put out the I’m working thing because it’s true but there could also be other reasons that no one knows about and it is not their business.
The baby is adorable, I’m sure that she will take wonderful care of him and he will be well looked after. How he got here is of no importance, it’s how he is treated now that he is here.
As someone who’s first pregnancy brought out the judgement of everyone, I am going to quote my non-religious father who said to be after a particularly bad day “judge not least ye be judged yourself”. Her life, her decision. Congrats on the beautiful baby and enjoy him!
To me, it feels slightly…out of touch. There are millions of women who have “rough” pregnancies or who are older, have pregnancies that really take a toll on them, etc. And the vast majority of them do not have the option to go the surrogacy route. They just deal with it because they have no other options. I don’t get what she’s getting at – was she afraid of losing her job if she were to get pregnant? If that’s the case, that really speaks to a crappy employer and she should be looking elsewhere regardless. Given the still present risks of pregnancy and birth, surrogacy tends to be views as a “do it when it’s really necessary” thing, as opposed to “I did this because I was working and it was easier.” It feels flippant, on some level. And it feels odd that she doesn’t mention the actual human who had to go through some major stuff to get her son here. It’s one of the first times I’ve seen a woman talk about surrogacy where she doesn’t acknowledge the surrogate (I went back and looked at the original birth announcement, there wasn’t any acknowledgement there either). I’m not wholesale opposed to surrogacy because I’ve been privy to instances when it has really been an act of love for everyone involved. But this feels…not like that. I’m not saying there isn’t more to it, but there’s just something about her here that feels so different from all the other instances where celebs have used surrogates.
The point is, it’s none of our business how other people have children and not our place to judge their reasons. Period, the end.
Im actually with you on this. My concern is more for the surrogates. Pregnancy is extremely hard on the body. I worry that we’re turning women into incubators, women that in many cases aren’t doing it out of love, but for money. It’s all a little too Handmaid’s Tale for me.
The surrogate got her acknowledgment already, it’s called her paycheck. They receive compensation for their (very important) services but when the gestation is complete, their work is essentially done. That baby belongs to the family and in the majority of the cases, the child isn’t even genetically connected to the surrogate. It’s mom & dads DNA, the surrogate is the “vehicle” so to speak. Many women do this as a job to supplement income, to help other families, to be able to earn while still being at home to raise their own children, etc. But they get PAID. If there are women willing to offer this special and legal service and there are families willing to pay for it, I see no reason why it brings out the judgement from other people. If you don’t agree with it….then don’t do it. Simple.
No shade here to LL, but I do hate the term “gestational carrier.” I find it very dehumanizing to the women who are hired to endure the rigors of pregnancy on another’s behalf. My assumption is that most women are doing it out of economic necessity over altruism, and while I understand privacy, etc., I just find the term a little dismissive.
No, I dislike it too. And that’s what bugs me about her statement. Gestational surrogacy is still hiring a woman to go through a pregnancy and birth. And despite our advances, those things are still risky. A woman is taking a risk with her own health, body and wellbeing in order to bring your child into the world. Of course, I do not doubt that Ms. Liu’s surrogate was probably very well compensated, but it’s still a risk. A risk that she did not have to bear. I think that’s what bugs people about surrogacy a lot of times – they perceive it as using another’s body without due consideration of what is really worth it.
I personally object in the strongest possible terms to phrases like “gestational carrier”. Is it possible to speak of another woman in a more dehumanizing way?
And frankly, having read of the conditions in which some surrogates are held and the medical care they get, I think it’s absolutely everyone’s business when this kind of thing happens. We have, as a society, fetishised pregnancy and family for women while making it increasingly difficult for women to access medical care and careers. This ideal notion of producing an infant with no visible markers on your body or to your lifestyle makes birth incredibly difficult for most women. Not acceptable.
Kat, I think you’re being slightly harsh. Most women who use surrogates aren’t driven by vanity. Most surrogacy cases are because the intended mother either cannot carry herself or it is ill-advised to do so. They make up the vast majority of surrogacy cases.
I do kind of cringe with Liu’s statements thus far, however. Most celebrities who use a surrogate acknowledge the woman at some point. Even with advances, carrying to term and birthing a baby is not a small feat. It’s risky and you do need to take a risk to do it. I do wonder why she doesn’t mention this woman at all – it’s just so different from any other surrogacy statement I’ve seen come from a high profile individual.
I think that I lean towards Kat’s larger point. To address the criticism below, I don’t shade LL, because I know it is the appropriate term, and I don’t have an alternative. I think, to me, this dehumanization is just another way in which women’s bodies are put in this really messed up economy. On one hand, wombs are being rented out like AirBnBs, and on the other, we’re having it shoved down our throat that motherhood is sacred. It’s the proritizing of a wealthy body over a poor one. There’s an enormous privilege in saying that one has the right to produce one’s own genetic child, regardless of the circumstances, and that’s being completely washed over by the term “gestational carrier.”
Well I’m glad someone said it. I commented above also. We’re putting prices on women’s bodies, just in a different way. It’s very Handmaid’s Tale. Wealthy women are not doing this out of love. Poor women are doing it because they need the money or it allows them to have a “job” without going to a work. It’s just too exploitative for me. Yes, they go into it by choice and yes they get compensated, but does that mean it’s a good thing?
To be fair, the term is not coined by her and it is the term that has always been used. But I am curious. Is there then a perhaps scientific term, that is preferable?
Also, we can’t assume that for all who chose to have gestational carriers. In that case, why can’t we also assume some healthy women may want to help other women who can’t carry a pregnancy while being fairly compensated for their time and risk? Why can’t we also assume that some couples can treat the carrier with compassion and fairness?
The term “gestational carrier” came into use because of the negative connotations of the words “surrogate” and “surrogacy.” There are also legal concerns depending on when and where the child is conceived and ultimately born. Typically a gestational carrier does NOT donate her own eggs; she is quite literally an incubator who has been implanted via IVF and has no genetic relationship with the embryo(s). A surrogate, on the other hand, can be an egg donor and a gestational carrier – the woman substitutes in for the mother and has a genetic link to the embryo(s).
Thank you Bearcatlawyer. But it goes back to the same question. If this newer term ‘gestational carrier’ also sounds degrading or has negative connotations, what then do people prefer? I think the term will take some time to evolve into, dare I say it, a more PC term. Till then I won’t jump too much at this term but yes we should not tolerate people who do not treat their surrogates (gestational or otherwise) with compassion and humanity.
I think Jade touched on this. I don’t have any issue with the term (that is what it is, what else should we call it?) but I do think there’s likely some desire from people for a PC term that sort of brightens up the idea of the situation.
Throw a ‘mommy’ in there somewhere and soon we’ll have Hallmark cards for Gestational Motherhood Day.
I believe that’s to distinguish from a surrogate who is also the egg donor. However, nowadays, at least in the US, this doesn’t happen anymore so the term should go away.
Her baby is cute and they both look very happy. I’m happy for her.
At 46, Im sure she knows how to manage her time/career/finances to be a single working mother just fine. There are a lot of working mothers out there, but about 0.01% can bring them to work while doing their boss lady job. With pregnancy you never know how you are going to feel, from one day to the next, or perhaps bed rest so I can understand her point about work. Hollyweird isn’t like our world folks. I think she will do great! Thanks for bringing up this campaign, Lucy! I love the message, and it reminds us to embrace traditional and non-traditional families with more inclusion, respect and representation hopefully without a lot of judgement.
Too much emphasis is placed on “having” a child rather than raising a child.It’s like how people focus on planning a great wedding rather than focusing on having a great marriage.It doesn’t matter how you become a parent whether through a surrogate,adoption,etc.
On some sites people are criticizing her for choosing to be a single mother(raising a child without a father).Really ? It’s 2016
Agreed Collete.
Can’t edit. To add to Colette’s comments, some parents who do not use surrogates can also behave irresponsibly and / or not have time for their kids. It has happened. There are abandoned kids everywhere in the world. As long as there’s good parenting, let it be.
Agree, Colette.
I dislike this idea that a woman who uses a surrogate is somehow “less” of a mother because she didn’t carry the baby herself. I’m in the minority here, but I really don’t see any problem with her or Dylan Lauren choosing not to be pregnant themselves. It’s their business, and both kids seem to be safe and loved, which in the end is what really matters.
I hate these “who’s more MOMMY(TM)” competitions that make women feel ashamed for making a choice that suits their circumstances. No one wins.
I better not wonder over to any other boards then.
One of my gf’s is a recent widow and has been asked why he is not in the picture by nosy people when we have been out with the baby. She is much more polite than I am to rude people. How and why people chose, or in her case, are forced, to be single parents is no one’s freaking business.
I find myself really taken aback by such statements. Like her WORK is real sh+t, and millions of working mothers in the world (like not just in the office, neurosurgeons, police officers etc) are just drinking margaritas during their working hours?!!! However many of them manage to have children (well before they turn 50) and go on successfully with their careers…
Don’t project. She didn’t say anything negative about other moms. If her personal choices make you feel judged, that’s your issue.
Well @Palapao hat’s my personal opinion as in I do not find an “I’m working” a justifiable excuse: bazilions of people manage to carry a child, be excellent mothers and also have careers and be in charge of people. See M.Miller of yahoo: she had twins! Also Tina Fey and many others. Not in the less feeling judged but just find her explanation odd and insensitive.
She’s an actress. Not looking pregnant is basically part of her job description.
It does not mean she wouldn’t have time to spend with the baby if she was not able to carry one. She is in her 40s and we don’t know her health nor how much time she spends with her baby now. As long as she is a good parent, I’ll support this.
It seems like Lucy is in a different boat than other moms who choose surrogacy instead of carrying their own children in that her entire livelihood is dependent on her body. (Unlike Dylan Lauren.) It would totally change the storyline of Sherlock if her character had a baby and I’m not sure the producers would want to go that way. Acting is such an uncertain profession that I understand why should wouldn’t feel comfortable carrying her own child. You never know when you may get your next role so you try to protect the one you have.
Anyway. Cute kid.
wow .. so much judgement in these comments ..
I agree, it’s really gross. I carried mine. My husband wants a third, and I’m like, who is carrying this one? My hips, they are done. My legs, they are done. Carrying a child is a remarkable, transformative and horrifying experience. She is a little older, maybe there are other health concerns at play here. I often think women give the ‘I was working’ explanation because they think that will be the best received, too. Sadly, can’t say anything without a negaray shooting through.
I agree! It’s amazing how many people think that someone else’s reproductive choices is an affront on them. It’s seems like a few people on here don’t think she earned her stripes (literally & figuratively!) to become a mom! 😳
Good for her. She found a path to motherhood that works for her and she doesn’t need to justify her choice.
He’s adorable and cutie pie. Those chubby cheeks are just sweet.
Based on what she said, I don’t think she gives a f%$# what people think about her choice. Isn’t that the real point behind the campaign she’s promoting?
I’m a new mom, and I am so tickled by the amount of “concern” that people have about my parenting. It’s like they thought me having a baby would magically change me at my core and I would all of a sudden care what anybody thought about how I’m living my life. On a good day I just smile and keep it moving. If he didn’t sleep well the night before(i.e. I didn’t sleep well the night before)… God help them.
Do you Lucy!
Yes it is the point of the campaign! Good for her and good for you. Best of luck to you in your parenting journey.
+1000000
As long as the procedures isn’t exploitive, and the woman who carried was well compensated and cared for, I don’t have a problem with surrogacy. Her body, her choice and all that.
I love Lucy in Elementary but wow. To each his own but I wouldn’t trade my pregnancy experience for anyone or anything. Not the swollen feet, the heartburn, sciatica – none of it. For 9 months – I was able to bond with my girl. I felt it was a journey she and I were taking together – an experience that only she could give me and vice versa. I couldn’t imagine willingly giving this experience to a stranger. But again – to each her own.
That is not always an option. Plenty of irresponsible people carry the baby but then don’t parent worth a damn. This baby is wanted and loved which I think is more important than being pregnant.
We have no idea why she chose to do it this way. It doesn’t really matter anyway.
I agree. We truly don’t know what her reasons were and it doesn’t matter. Just on the photos alone – she adores her baby – and that is what matters. The nine months prior is truly a drop in the bucket when compared to the lifetime of parenting that comes afterwards.
I agree. Reminds me of the tut-tutting about Janet Jackson’s pregnancy last week. I’ll save my tears for the kids that are born to neglectful, abusive, and clueless parents every.day.of.the.week.
Absolutely. It doesn’t matter if a woman chooses natural childbirth, c-section, surrogacy, IVF, adoption, or whatever else will be invented in the future for women to have children. All that matters is what happens after birth and if that child is lucky enough to have a loving and responsible mother. There are so many bad parents out there who did it the natural way, but who cares?! They are still bad parents. This is the 21st century. Are we still judging women as mothers based on their experience during pregnancy? Lol. It’s ridiculous.
Personally, I agree with your sentiments but not all women feel that way and as you said, to each their own. I happen to be in a same-sex relationship and my wife and I have a nearly 6 month old baby girl whom I carried. We would like a second at some point and I will carry that one too. People have always asked us how we decided who would carry our children and the answer is quite simple: I wanted to experience pregnancy and my wife didn’t. It simply isn’t something that ever interested her. She has always said she would be willing to “take one for the team” (her words) if I was unable to conceive for some reason, but as that wasn’t the case she didn’t have to and she was and is very happy with that outcome. She absolutely adores our daughter and is very pleased that she gets to be a mom without having to carry a child herself. And I am thrilled to have been able to experience pregnancy and birth in all of it’s wondrous and horrifying glory.
Whether women who use gestational carriers wished to have that experience and couldn’t or are grateful that they can become mothers without having to endure it is neither here nor there to me. Lucy and her son seem very happy and it’s a beautiful thing that she was able to become a mother by whatever means. Congrats.
I think it’s a great step for feminism, that she chose to use a surrogate. I know blah blah rich privilege etc BUT a man’s schedule is never ever an issue when he has a baby on the way, so it seems like a good step towards equality that a woman’s schedule could be of little consequence too.
Just because women “can” give birth themselves, doesn’t mean they should feel obligated to.
WHOOOOO HOO Ya’ll Got Your Judgy Tut tutting Hats on Today!!
LMFAO Seriously Eternal, Make your next move your best move, holler at me to fastrack our friendship application process!
But seriously “The Sisterhood” of women is shambles if we can’t all at least agree is nobody’s damned business of how we come into doing motherhood, can’t win for losing if being cute/sexy/rich/thin//desirable/choosing motherhood/but working to depend on no man blah blah blah is found to be flawed because ” Oh but you didnt have the perfect 25 pounds gain pregnancy where you bonded played mozart but worked out but also have vaginal delivery without drugs and ate the placenta and co-slept but were sexually available to your man right away but lost the weight real quick but make organic baby food and whatever the eff new litmus test yall come up with to prove real womanhood experience
This! Great post QQ.
You are spot-on, QQ.
Surrogacy is very much an issue that should be talked about and not covered up with “It’s private!”
It is, when it comes down to it, nothing else than prostitution – a person/ woman gets paid for exposing her body to another person. And similar to prostitution, it is a problem with poverty, with human trafficking, with women who seem to have no other choice than to offer their body to feed their family or themselves.
If a friend does it for altruistic intentions, then it is indeed a private matter, but as long as there is money involved for using another persons body in such a specific manner, there shouldn’t be a taboo to speak about it.
Surrogacy needs to be addressed, discussed and there need to be rules, more than what we have know, especially to protect those women. It is a topic, that needs to be opened up, with every celebrity using them more so.
Wow… No it’s not. Personally I would choose carrying a child than to be forced/abused/have sex with numerous men daily (ain’t no shame girls if that’s what you want to do!) but it’s a different matter altogether when it comes to human trafficking! I am a social worker, so I have extensive knowledge in this area.
She can do what she wants, she has the means to do this so… Go for it! A child should be loved and it certainly does not matter where the love comes from, as long as it’s there it’s worth everything.
Being a social worker I sometimes place abused children (who are sometimes very very traumatised) with adoptive parents, and I know a lot of children who have come from birth parents who despised and abused them, not even bonded through being pregnant/child birth (however have numerous children) and have gone to couples, all types and are loved/bonded beyond compare to birth parents, it is very possible for this to happen.
Regarding surrogacy/gestational carriers, I know quite a few who have done it, and most I know do NOT want to be known or even identified to others, it’s the prerogative that the carrier has to be public/private about their body and they actually have a lot more rights than people know, the person paying them treats them very very well. The carrier does call the shots, which it seems not too many people understand.
Surrogacy is not anything like prostitution…
By that reasoning, labourers are prostitutes as are pianists and dancers. Anyone who uses their body for money? Or only ‘exposes’ their body? What does that even mean?
Absolutely there can be abuses, as there can with literally every other thing that exists in the world.
Also, surrogates are generally required to be healthier women, non smokers or drug takers, intelligent, trustworthy, have a stable home environment. They’re literally housing someone else’s baby for 9 of the most important months of its life, development wise.
This hardly paints the picture of an impoverished woman, does it?
In Australia, it’s illegal to pay for human tissue, so surrogacy with a fee is illegal also. Keeping it in the dark increases the likelihood that someone will be shadily paid under the table though, so it should be more open.
Maybe … just maybe … she doesn’t feel like debating the status of her health and fertility in the gossip magazines.
Crazy, I know.
If I had the money, I’d have done the same as hers. Having to work trough a series of fertility treatments and being as clumsy as I am was terrible.
I fell at work during my semisuccessful attempt, when I was pregnant. I miscarried shortly after.
If I was going to pay big sums for all the treatments, I would have gladly paid for someone to carry more safely than me, a first timer, older and with no luck.
Sorry to hear that ennie. That must be rough
There are a lot of hypocrites out there who say they would not choose a surrogate, but trust that if more women had the money and means to hire someone to go through 9 months of weight gain, sickness, and pain of child birth they would choose the same. No shame in that! I hate pain and I think I would be a total wimp in the delivery room. I would absolutely pay someone to give birth to my children if I were a millionaire. I don’t care what anyone else thinks about my choice.
If you don’t have time to have a kid, you’re not going to have time to raise it. Why have a child if they’re going to spend their whole life with nannies? Children are not props, they need time for intense nurturing and bonding. Being a parent is about a lot more than calling yourself one.
The baby is on set with her. Shooting days are long, but there’s a lot of down time and the day is broken up into small pieces. She probably spends more time with her baby than the vast majority of working moms.
Then people who work shouldn’t have kids.Kids need intense nurturing and bonding so they shouldn’t spend 10 hrs a day at a day care or with a grandparent either.If you are not going to spend 24 hrs a day with your baby you should have one
#sarcasm
A criticism that, strangely enough, I don’t see most of you making on articles of new celebrity fathers. Shit son, I don’t even know why we even bother keeping men around considering how low our standards are for their parenting skills.
I’m happy for her and The baby.
Her body, her life, her choice. End of discussion.
Now where can I get that adorable dim sum onsie??? I love that so much!!!
What a beautiful baby boy! I wish her all the best! Ya know what she did was according to what works for her. That’s what everyone should do…but make good choices and decisions along with what you decide.
What’s with all the hate? She’s an older Asian actress. She wouldn’t even have been in the running to play the Ancient One in Dr. Strange. Her days are numbered, and she knows she has to work now to take care of her kid before all her roles dry up.
After wading through all the comments I’m kind of in shock. I had a very high risk pregnancy in my 40s. It was a completely miserable experience. Health wise for me and my son it was very scary. Months of bedrest and tests ending with an awful delivery. I have zero positive feelings about being pregnant. It was the most stressful situation I’ve ever been through. After all that I ended up with a son i love more than anything but who i probably didn’t bond with for months. Having a baby in your 40s can be a really hard thing. I would never judge a women’s choice about this stuff. I think people thing it’s easy to have kids at later ages now because it’s done more. Who knows her reasons and medical situation. Let her be a “real mom” and move on.
She’s got an adorable healthy baby whom she loves and can provide for. I won’t side-eye her for having a child at 46 nor do I require her to explain her choices to me.
I hate to throw shade on her because as a woman it’s certainly her choice to have a baby however she wants, especially in this day and age when so many options are available. BUT I’m gonna side eye her a little over the reason she gave for using a surrogate…she was too busy with work. She’s basically saying that being pregnant would be such an inconvenience. Comes off as rather shallow. Millions of women have jobs and deal with pregnancies every day under less than convenient circumstances. Honestly, being pregnant is never convenient for anyone. Being unselfish is one of the most important aspects of being a mother…putting your child first. If she had given a medical reason for surrogacy then yeah, I get it. But that she couldn’t pencil a baby into her schedule comes off as…hmmm.
Good for her. I have done birth and I have done adoption and I cannot judge anyone for any choice they make.. The only reason she has to talk about it is because being an actress apparently requires some level of disclosure, otherwise she could just tell people to eff off, which is what I do (politely) when people start asking me about my choices.
I would judge any woman who pays another to carry and birth a baby for her out of convenience. Its completely different if its for fertility reasons, which given her age it very probably is. Its a bit screwed up that it is more acceptable to her to says its convenience than be honest and say its because its her age. Pregnancy and birth is a massive thing and can have long lasting physical and mental implications and poorer women are not vessels for richer women. Shades of The Handmaid’s Tale.
I really don’t care the ‘how’, if the child is happy and well that’s all I care about. Also props to Lucy for talking about it, it’s not easy since people can be really judgy about it, but I think it’s important to evolving into thinking that there are different kinds of motherhood and that’s fine.
This article used the word inconvenient, not her. You can say she implies it but implication is always up to different interpretations. Also, some people are forgetting that you don’t have to use the word inconvenient but pregnancy and parenthood can affect or change your schedules, your working life, basically your entire life and / or social life isn’t it? I will just give simple examples for normal, non-privileged women. Morning sickness or bed rest? You can call in sick and your backup makes up for your absence. Or if you have no replacement, you may have to work at home (if you can) while you’re sick. Maternity leave or non-paid maternity leave? Yeah, your company would need to arrange for that also. But many women still get pregnant anyway because while it changes almost everything, pregnancy is not an inconvenience to them. My point is she did not say specifically it was inconvenient to have a baby but her work and the limitation of jobs for her race make it very difficult to plan to carry a baby at her age and in her profession. I consider this a feminist choice. For some women, not all conditions such as partner, a stable career and fertility fall into place at the right time. She is still caring for her own baby post-birth while trying to balance a career. Why fault her?
As for acknowledging her surrogate, she was not even asked that specific question “What would you like to say to your surrogate?”. Yes there may have been PR statements from celebs to say thanks but then what? Will people accuse these celebs of just trotting out PR statements? LL could already have thanked her surrogate and be gracious towards her behind closed doors. We don’t know and we can’t force her to share everything.
As for viewing surrogacy as prostitution or forced labour for non-privileged women, seriously? I would think it’s definitely criminal to force another woman to carry your baby for free or payment. But if it’s not forced, are you also going to judge people who use paid nannies and babysitters who help look after their kids or judge the scientists who pay people to take part in clinical tests? Oy.
I’m sure women choose surrogates for many different reasons. But the ones that choose it because they don’t have time or don’t want to be pregnant are hilarious to me because being pregnant is the easiest part of having a child lol!