Chris Pine wants us to talk up his endowment

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CB sent me this interesting piece from June’s Cosmopolitan magazine. For those of us who haven’t read Cosmo in a about a million years, they’re still doing that feature with men, asking them for “Ten Things Guys Wish You Knew”. For this issue, they asked Chris Pine, the 28-year-old hottie who stars as Captain Kirk in the rebooted J.J. Abrams-directed Star Trek.

Chris is pretty funny, and some of his words of wisdom are definitely on target. The funniest advice he offers the ladies is to always talk up penis size. Chris suggests such comments as: “Damn, that’s huge”, “My God”, “I don’t know if I can hold that thing” and “Baby, I don’t have three hands.” That last one was my favorite. Not to be too graphic, but in my experience, the phrase “I don’t know if that will fit” works pretty well too.

1. “Approaching girls in bars terrifies us. It sort of feels like a no-win situation. Like, we know we’re already paddling upstream because she assumes, “Oh, he thinks I’m cute. I win’ And where does that leave us?”

2. “’Wow, you look so skinny!’ is not a compliment. Having a good body means actually having something there.”

3. “No matter how big we are – and yes, I’m referencing to that area – it’s best to assume we have a Napoleon complex. We’d love it if you threw in a ‘Damn, that’s huge!’ every now and then.”

4. “’My God!’ ‘I don’t know if I can hold that thing!’ and ‘Baby, I don’t have three hands’ all work pretty well too.”

5. “A man becomes a mama’s boy any time he’s sick. And any time he’s really hungry.”

6. “Dirty texts are amazing,”

7. “We’re absolutely scared sh*tless of your wrath.”

8. “We hate it when you say ‘I don’t know. What do you want to do?’ Guys have to do most of the heavy-lifting in terms of inviting and picking the perfect place to go to dinner. Give us a break once in a while and decide what to do on a date. We’re still going to end up driving.”

9. “A white wife-beater tank top, tight jeans and a pair of heels drive us nuts. A black bra and you’re asking for trouble.”

10. “When we’re having a guy’s night out, we’re really not doing much of anything at all. We basically just put each other down, then laugh at each other, then put each other down…”

[From Cosmopolitan, print edition, June, 2009]

I don’t care for his fashion advice. Tight jeans, high heels and a wife-beater? Who are we, Tanya Harding? I also don’t like this whole idea of a guy being scared to approach a girl at a bar. What’s the big deal? If you’re too scared to hit on a girl in public, we’re probably not going to date you anyway. Other than that, I totally agree with the whole thing about a sick guy turning into a mama’s boy. That happens. And it’s scary.

Here’s Chris Pine at the Los Angeles Premiere of “Star Trek” on April 30th. Images thanks to WENN.com .

 

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17 Responses to “Chris Pine wants us to talk up his endowment”

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  1. Annie says:

    1. I’ll totally talk up his penis if he gives me the opportunity. Annie can totally handle that. ;)

    2. Please don’t tell me boyfriend. LOL

    3. Kaiser, Tanya Harding wouldn’t look as good as us in that getup! HAHA. But he IS right. Guys die for that outfit. I don’t know why, maybe it’s that slightly bad girl look that comes from it and the skintight ass aspect.

    4. I’ve used that line too Kaiser :X

  2. rbsesq says:

    He’s never been on my radar before, but after reading this, I love him. Hilarious! I will happily break out the white tank, tight jeans and stilettos if he promises to pick me up in a bar!

  3. photo jojo says:

    Once again, Kaiser, I heart you. Love your writeups!!

  4. Jen says:

    Are we sure he’s not talking about his weirdly gigantic noggin? I mean, that thing is HUGE!!!

  5. ash says:

    His only mistake is starring in Just My Luck with Lindsey Lohan. Other than that, this guy is perfection.

  6. I Choose Me says:

    Huge noggin or not, he’s hawt. @Kaiser never uderestimate the power of a white tank top, (no bra if you can get away with it or a kick ass black bra underneath) and tight jeans.

  7. Ling says:

    Read between the lines.

    White wife-beater tank top, tight jeans, a pair of heels, and a 20-inch waist drives us nuts.

    Sorry… I’ll admit I’m being spiteful. I look terrible in wifebeaters.

  8. abbizmal says:

    He’s definitely a hottie. I’d hit it. mmmm-mmmmm-mmmmmm. Yummylicious. Bring it on, babe, you can take total advantage of me. I don’t care. :D

  9. Annie says:

    Sorry… I’ll admit I’m being spiteful. I look terrible in wifebeaters.

    Lol. I used to LIVE in wifebeaters. I had them in every color and length.

  10. Pete says:

    Only point of criticism (for both CB and Chris Pine): Why the hell are we still referring to a tank top as a “wife-beater?” Talk about trivializing gender violence, especially one that results in murder being the number one cause of death of pregnant women.

    Sick shit. And just because it’s “normal,” doesn’t make it any less sick.

  11. cherryblossom says:

    If it’s suggested to me that I have to wear heels to turn a guy on said heels are going to be inserted directly into his arse. Mmmhmm.

    The way men turn into giant infants when sick is both horrifying and pitiful…there’s a skit on youtube on the man cold. It’s fairly accurate to every ex of mine who ever got the sniffles.

    Oh, and I can understand the difficulty with picking someone up in a bar. It can’t possibly be easy to be expected to make the first move all the time.

  12. eternalcanadian says:

    weird guy. i think i’ll take steve harvey’s advice over chris pine. :)

  13. j. ferber says:

    Why do we assume Chris Pine wrote this? I assume it was his publicist. And Pete, you rock. You deserve a dozen roses for being that rare man: a true gentleman.

  14. downtown says:

    Pete, who the hell said it was normal? I understand, but if you want to take them to task than you need to take just everybody else to task as well cuz we’ve all used it, and No I aint trying go into the “quit being PC” mode like others like to though.

  15. Praque says:

    He sounds like a self absorbed wackball! In 2 years we’ll never hear from him again…. Can you say Sanjaya?

  16. startrekgirl says:

    He is absolutely right about the wife-beater, tight jeans, and heals.
    i was getting ready for a night out (after reading this article), i was digging thru my closet as usual to find a cute going out top. After about 15 minutes of frustration (girls you know what im talking about) i came across a white wife-beater, in the back of my head i had what chris had just said, i thru it on, and i swear EVERYONE at the bar that night was dying. girls were coming over to me saying how hot i looked. im telling you ladies, its tried and true. it works! one of the best advice ive ever read.

  17. Paul says:

    You might as well hear it from a guy’s perspective that has been published in cosmo:

    “A $3 tee-shirt that barely covers your ass is sexier than half the lingerie that you think ‘turns me on’”

    We are down right simple creatures. Wear a wife beater (or a tank top if you’re a bit politically correct) or a really extra large t-shirt…or if you really want a start a fire our own button down shirts, you’ve started a brushfire ;-)