Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard are a married couple I can only take in small doses. They’re open about their personal issues and in theory that’s admirable and helpful to a lot of people. Sometimes I wish they would tone it down a little because they can be extra. I think that only comes through for people like me who follow celebrity gossip, because if you catch them occasionally you might think “those two are refreshingly honest.” Anyway they’re promoting the CHiPs movie, which looks dumb and overly raunchy but has the potential to be funny. It’s out this weekend and there enough reviews yet for a Rotten Tomatoes rating. On the red carpet, when asked about her secrets to a successful marriage, Kristen said they do therapy and take “fierce moral inventories” frequently. Again, if you’re a gossip follower like me this isn’t new. Kristen and Dax have talked openly about the fact that they do couple’s therapy. It’s still good of her to admit it again.
“We have a very healthy marriage and we got there by doing therapy when we needed it, and constantly doing fierce moral inventories,” she said. “We both take responsibility when we are wrong, and I think it is easy to work with him because I married him, because I enjoy spending time with him and I trust him. That is exactly what I want in someone that I work with.”
The 36-year-old actress then joked, “I guess there is no competition between us — we’re not generally up for the same roles, so we can kind of keep that separate.”
Bell recalled the first time the couple fought: during a cross-country road trip on a motorcycle during their first year of dating.
“We were fighting about the first year of our relationship because it’s a power struggle, and we were fighting about the playlist, and I got so mad at him at one point that I refused to hold onto him,” she said. “So I was on the back and just held onto the [bike] because I didn’t want to touch him.”
The “fierce moral inventories” thing is an Alcoholics Anonymous reference to the fourth and tenth step of of AA, which are “Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves” and “Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.” Kristen has said before that Dax is in recovery, he’s been sober 13 years, and she follows AA’s disease model of addiction. As for that story about how they fought the first time, you get the impression that they both have Type A personalities. When they’re on the same page they’re a force to be reckoned with but I bet when they disagree the fights must be bad. Maybe they learned skills in therapy to work through those arguments without holding resentments.
I probably should have looked at these photos from the CHiPs premiere before writing this because I would have spent more time critiquing her outfit, which is some kind of crop top with scalloped lace at the bottom over a ruffled graphic print floral skirt. So fug.
photos credit: WENN and FameFlynet
I love her top, hate the skirt.
That outfit is the embodiment of the 90s. To hate it is to hate the 90s. Personally, I like it. I’d go without the fringe though. Just a plain black crop-top would do.
I don’t pay attention to them a lot but I do like that they talk about therapy and how it works for them. So kudos
Her outfit needed a different skirt. Maybe something fitted.
I like them both and I like them together. Skirts looks okay to me. It wasn’t a fancy premier and she looks comfortable.
Therapy is awesome and I’m glad it works for them but damn their marriage sounds like a lot of work.
Their marriage sounds tiresome as hell.
RIGHT! I mean, I guess I get the moral inventory if it’s an AA thing, but fierce and constantly? I guess I do one occasionally when something ambiguous comes up…
Im tired just reading about them every other month.
lmao…right tho
They are very extra and try hard to the point of annoyance and exhaustion. I predict that they will end up divorced eventually. Marriage takes work but if it is taking that much work then something is wrong.
+1. The constant need for an impartial third party mediator as well as the need to take stock of their entire personalities and character regularly doesn’t sound like an easy or comfortable marriage. Especially after only a few years!
It reminds me of Reese Witherspoon and how she used to proclaim therapy helped her and Ryan Phillipe’s marriage from early on, look how that ended up. But I do hope the best for Kristen because I adore The Good Place.
I looked up their wedding date…they’ve been married 3 1/2 years. So I don’t know why she is making pronouncements about how successful their marriage is…maybe wait a bit longer? I’ll be married 39 years this year and even I would be circumspect about commenting. I feel that the next thing you know, you’ll be divorcing just after saying how happy you are.
My feelings, too. Now the countdown before the conscious uncoupling begins. And you just know they’ll have some unique-but-twee way of describing their separation.
She was asked the question.
She could say, “We are great! Next question, lets talk about teeth whitening or Maytag appliances…”
lol jerk face that answer is everything! So true. (That’s how I’ll handle those questions when I’m rich and famous) haha
You’re right. Being married less than 5 years means little in the grand scheme of things. It’s not as if they are celebrating a huge 10, 20, 30 + milestone together. There are many couples who divorce after 10 and 20 years as well. If they are having problems at the 3 year mark, then their chances of making it to 15 aren’t looking so great.
They’ve only been married for 3ish years, but have been dating for 10 so… I’d say that’s pretty solid.
They lived together for a decade or so and refused to officiate their marriage until California legislation would allow marriage for LGBT couples. They got married shortly after the law was announced.
The’ve been together for 10 years though, they only got married recently because they’d decided to wait until gay marriage was allowed everywhere in the US.
I get why it can be tiring when a celebrity shares too much about their personal life (it’s super easy to avoid those comments though), but I don’t see why anyone should be judging what works for them as a couple. I feel like they are both very proud of the fact that being extreme polar opposites, and he having a lot of issues before meeting her, they’ve managed to build a strong partnership. I like them. Their talk about therapy and all that sounds a lot less fake that when the Smith-Pinketts talk about it.
I am able to say that I have a strong and happy marriage. I know it’s a blessing because some days it seems I’m surrounded by my friends marital strife, and I see that what I have is rare and a blessing.
I have a totally different take than Kristen. To me the focus is on the fact that we love each other and we love our family, and the best tactic is to NOT take everything else too seriously. Brush it off, let it go, be the one who is wrong and laugh about it, be the one who is right and lovingly tease about it, just remember to laugh. A shared sense of humor is marriage bedrock. Not taking hard times too seriously helps make them pass quickly.
It sounds like she and Dax get very serious with things. If that works for them, wonderful. For me and my husband it’s the opposite. If we have a terrible weekend of arguing, or a week of making it through a stressful situation, we don’t analyze it too much, we hug and say “that sucked for both of us, I’m sorry, today is a new day, let’s take a walk”… and we move forward.
Patricia, what wonderful wise advice! I completely agree with you.
If you have only been married 3 years and need constant counseling to stay together, it doesn’t sound like you are such a great match. Early marriage shouldn’t be that much work!!!
@Patricia: As comedians I am sure that they laugh off a lot of the little things. But, Kristen Bell has been very open about struggling with anxiety and depression. And it’s darn near impossible to shrug off some ‘little’ things when they don’t seem–or feel–little. I have this issue in not only my own marriage but my life in general. Part of my brain saying, “Just let it go already!” but another part REFUSING to let it go and obsessing. I think her emphasis on self focus is great because then you’re not relying on the other party to ‘fix’ and it helps one to move past issues.
(The “Let it Go” reference in a Kristen Bell thread was unintentional. ;))
They’ve both got issues that your comment just kind of ignores. It works for them. I think too often we want other people to be just like us and we think they’re wrong when they’re not. Let’s just let them be them.
Ummmmm did you miss the part where I said “if that works for them, wonderful”??
Like excuse me for discussing marriage on a post about marriage. 🙄
I love that! It sounds like you have a great marriage and a very healthy way of keeping it that way. I’m definitely not always able to laugh it off/take it easy, but my husband and I do try to choose love and friendship regularly and keep the disagreements short and that strategy works for us as well. We celebrated 9 years of happy marriage yesterday. 🙂 (Sorry. I very much began this comment to tell you how much I admired you. Then I got excited about our anniversary. Ha! Really, though, I loved your insight. Congrats on a happy partnership!)
Yes-I’ve been married for 21 years, together for 25-and I feel the same way. I just read a great quote that Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s mother-in-law told her at her wedding on the key to a happy marriage, “Sometimes it helps to be a little bit deaf.”
that picture of them tonguing is making me want to vomit.
i can’t stand these two, especially since they proved to be ignorant racists with their comments on ellen about riz ahmed.
Divorced within 5 years.
I want CHips to be successful because of Michael Peña. Guy is always a sidekick to a white guy. This time he shares equal billing.
I hope that Dax isn’t insecure that his wife is much more famous. I see he is supportive of her career and I hope that continues. I thought Amy Poehler and Will Arnott will be a forever couple. Turned out Will has a lot of insecurities, hitting on women that are too young to be his daughter. Wait till he reaches middle age, Kristen.
I love the bottom part of the outfit, so beautiful, but that top is fug.
To me, the skirt and top are both fine, but not together. The lace makes it too busy. The sandals and skirt are great.
I loved him in Idiocracy ( batin’!), so I have a soft spot for him (and her, I guess). They do seem like they enjoy making fun of the LA lifestyle (and yet manage to cash in on it with the Samsung commercials), so good for them.
I find them a bit tiresome too, CB. She went on a big crusade about protecting the privacy of their children, which I totally understand and respect, but then they market their personal lives in appliance commercials and on red carpets. Feels a bit hypocritical to me. If you don’t want your family to be a focus, don’t put the focus there, especially if the reason is $$.
This.
Im so happy I gave up on men altogether. Relationships are hard work and who the hell wants to work that hard for so little payoff. Not me. Better off with just my cats.
+1. Don’t think men add enough value for the effort.
I have a soft spot for these 2. I agree with you Lexie about that blurred line of wanting privacy for their kids yet splashing out their private life in commercials. However, I can see they’re serious because in commercials they just allude to their kids, never actually show them. It’s not like we don’t know they have kids. But if they don’t want them shown, that’s their choice and they’re making it happen.
She needs to sit on the left hand side to receive the magical medicinal dutchie so she can chill the eff out man. Just looking at her stresses me out. Her marriage sounds so stressful that it makes me want to go back in time to divorce my long long ago husband again just to make sure I don’t ever feel that specific stress again. Like in zombie movies when you have to shoot and cut the zombies head off… just to make sure the job is done and done son. LOL
She does seem extremely extra annoying. But I can’t stand her or her chinless husband. She reminds me of a weasel.
Omg that is harsh lol. I personally like him, he’s really fun and cute. Forever Crosby Braverman. I can see how she would get on people’s nerves though. It’s like she tries too hard to be the adorable, America’s Sweetheart type.
On the one hand, I get that she was asked the question. But to assume this lofty platform of marital expertise after not even 4 years of marriage seems an odd choice.
On the other hand, destigmatizing therapy and counseling? I’m all Anne Hathaway in a tearful ovation at that. I can’t shade a woman who uses therapy as a way of addressing her husband’s lifelong battle with addiction, their own fame/power struggle, etc. And I certainly can’t shame her for needing counseling early on in her marriage (because I’d be a hypocrite, as my husband and I did the same during our second year of our marital adventure). They saw a need, it’s helped them communicate more effectively, and it’s ostensibly made them a stronger team – and they’re helping remove the stigma of counseling, which may help others.
What stigma? Why does everything seem to have this mysterious stigma that compels celebs to over share their personal business with the world? Maybe the stigma is just people wishing they didn’t have to be exposed to nonstop personal business of everyone else on the planet! Don’t people want any part of their lives to be private?
I’d fight over a play list too. Especially if his suuuucked. My musical taste is always superior to most people lolll.
I’m married 15 years on April 30th. Marriage is HARD WORK PERIOD. First year, 15th year, 30th year. What constitutes as a “successful” partnership these days?
I love her. I love her. I love her. Him I don’t get a all…But also I love that she said this. BlueVelvet is right. Marriage is damn hard work. And it never ends. Constant readjustment and tinkering. But if you are with someone that is willing/understands how to do the work, its the best thing on earth. (IMHO)
Girl – watch Parenthood and you will “get” him. His personality is EVERYTHING.