Gwyneth Paltrow was on vacation for two weeks. She spoke at the Cannes Lion event last week, but spent the rest of the time lounging on beaches and yachts in the South of France and then spending some time in Spain, all of which likely involves drinking goat-milk smoothies (gross) and thinking about her own wellness, perhaps interspersed with some vagine steaming. For all of this, Gwyneth is a hero and a legend in her own mind.
You see, Gwyneth Paltrow wasn’t merely on vacation, she was trying to accomplish something very important: going on vacation as a self-described “homebody.” She posted the above Instagram with the message “Two week trip complete #victorydanceofahomebody.” As in, a successful vacation now needs a victory dance. Don’t get me wrong, I’m an actual homebody and it would take a lot out of me to NOT do anything except vacation abroad for two solid weeks. So I “get” what she’s trying to say. The problem is that she’s full of sh-t, like always. She goes on vacations all the time. She’s not a homebody. I feel like this “homebody” thing is part of Gwyneth’s rebranding – she’s not just Business Goop, she’s also American Blonde Who Is Accessible To Peasants. Is it working? Ha.
Speaking of Gwyneth’s rebrand, The Cut did a fascinating story on wellness, and how Gwyneth is tapping into this wellness scheme. It’s a fascinating read about privileged women with more money than sense and the way the market has shifted to sell those women all of the expensive faux-remedies possible. The Cut also quotes extensively in the last half from doctors who recognize the wellness movement for what it is: a scam perpetuated by the new version of snake-oil salesmen. And saleswomen.
Photos courtesy of Instagram, WENN.
Oh Goopy, you never disappoint.
Please take a seat, Gwyneth. You are not a “homebody”.
Deep down inside I’ve always felt she’s one of us down to earth homebody peasants!
” snake-oil salesmen. And saleswomen”
EQUALITY!!!
Anyone can now be a dangerous huckster!
lol I hope she isnt tyring to fool people into thinking that is a photo of her dancing because nope.
That was my first thought.
according to “People” it’s Apple jumping. Rather impressive, I dare say.
If it is a picture of Apple, then I can’t even begin to fathom why her own mother wouldn’t make that obvious in the tweet. As a mum myself, if I had a gorgeous pic like that of my daughter, I’d want everyone to know it was her!
Ahem….because she is an egomaniac who wanted everyone to think that it was her jumping? Just a thought. Scroll to the end then you can see the picture. But you are right, she didn’t tag Apple. http://www.elleuk.com/life-and-culture/culture/news/a36688/it-looks-like-apple-martin-is-already-an-amazing-dancer/
She put and apple emoji in the description though. I can imagine the thought process – she probably realized that she should give credit to her daughter, but didn’t want to make it too obvious and allow people to still believe that she – Gwyneth, is so flexible, so she decided to make it as vague as possible. Now if someone complains, she has an excuse that the emoji is there and it’s our – peasant’s fault that we didn’t get her sophisticated description.
@Norman Bates’ Mother You absolutely nailed it.
The apple hashtag is to let us know it’s her daughter, who is into dance. It’s a gorgeous photo, IMO. The homebody sentiment is eye-roll inducing, to be sure.
It is a beautiful photo and a lovely position. But how is she jumping from water and not having a ripple below or drops off her feet?
She’s called herself a homebody, amd at the end put #victorydanceofahomebody, so what does that mean? Never mind. This woman is bloody exhausting.
that article from The Cut is BANANAS. i need to think of the next big workout crazy…i should probably put this bacon, egg and cheese bagel down first tho
If you make your bacon, egg and cheese bagel the next craze I am so with you.
Oh Gwennie, you become more insufferable every single day. Please go and steam your ladybits at an expensive island retreat and leave the rest of us to earn a living.
This!!!!!
Goop’s face looks strange.
Her Goopy attempt at being relatable for marketing purposes is offensive & disingenuous.
Chris Martin is a bloody Saint in my eyes for surviving his marriage to self-serving Goop.
All you need to know about Goop: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qg0HCStAYMA. And this is not the first time Stephen Colbert dragged Goop.
Her skin is going to hell. That is all.
Does anyone else think she is aging horribly? That pic of her is very unflattering and what’s up with the cat-eyes? 😉
Looking at her Instagram, I think she looks much younger without the makeup.
ME. I don’t know if it’s one of the links above, but I read a terrific take-down of her by an MD. Perhaps the most biting commentary was the question of, if a wealthy woman in her early 40s is supposedly suffering from all the symptoms she blames on “toxins,” (exhaustion, poor sleep, etc etc) d’ya think maybe it could be caused by all the crazy fad diets and treatments?
All those ueber-restrictive crazy diets must mess their system up. I refuse to believe that they don’t starve. Their BRAIN, hello, internal organs, hormone levels, skin, suffer, hence exhaustion and depression, then on to the next diet/cleanse promising to heal the body and the mind. And so on.
There should be a law against Goop’s G(oop) S$$$t so-called health advice.
Aren’t there laws/rules/regulation re publishing content on health and medical issues? There should be.
I came to that same conclusion not too long ago. All of the far-out, pseudo-science nutrition fads Goop and her peers flock to are because it is impossible to get everything your body needs with the 1,000 calorie a day, zero carb starvation diet that your average female celeb has to subject themselves to.
Jesus. She’s in her mid 40’s. Her skin doesn’t have to look 30. It looks age-appropriate.
I think she looks good for her age. She looks healthy and fit😊.
But people are buying what she’s selling. So what is wrong with them. They are spending a load of money on her site.
They are bored wealthy ladies. If they dont spend on this it will just go to the next “meditation consultant” or plastic surgeon.
This is new gloss on an old trend.
People looking to make money off of the desperate and pained and uninformed have been around forever. Pinworm eggs for diets and seances for the grieving in the 1800s, smoking for health and the demonization of fats with a push towards fad diets in the late 1900s.
Its the lowest of the low. I feel like these people justify it to themselves with somehow thinking that if you are stupid enough to fall for it, you deserve it. Goops entire business model is based on victim recruiting and blaming at a certain level, while her brand is based on ‘female empowerment’ and the naturalistic fallacy. Watching her try to pivot her brand to remove or downplay some of these hypocrisies is going to be interesting.
I think Gwyneth will benefit from procedures with actual scientific research like botox and fillers. They are not bad when done minimally and correctly.
I wish she would just go away already. Her health advice to us “peasants” is not only hoax material, some of it is downright bad.
* staggers in through front door laden with suitcases*
“Ohmigod, you guys. I am EXHAUSTED. I’ve just spent a terrible two weeks lying around on a yacht, having beauty treatments, shopping in expensive stores, drinking champagne and generally being forced to have a good time. You have no idea how hard it was. People put me in front of a camera and everything. Occasionally, I even had to speak a foreign language and go out in the sun….in a bikini!! Quelle horreur! Seriously, I am so glad to be home. I cannot WAIT to get back to the daily grind in the office and the rain and the excitement of doing my own ironing. Come to think of it, I think I’ll celebrate by putting a load of laundry on. ”
* exit stage left carrying a huge bundle of dirty clothes, laughing happily*
Lol, I know, right? I’m a homebody for sure but the last time I went on a really nice vacation was 11 years ago! Actually it was the only vacation I’ve ever been on where I didn’t have to lift a finger and had staff to do everything, it was bonkers. And coming home to the grind was an extremely harsh transition. No victory dances on the beach for me, just grumpy banging around my cold, empty kitchen on our first morning home!
Hahahahaha!
Haha. First time commenter. Goop’s instagram is full of her daughter at dance recitals, etc. I feel like it’s pretty obviously her daughter- she doesn’t refer to them by name or show their faces on instagram.
Their faces are all over her Insta. She’s gotten less precious about that in the last few years.
She’s just waiting until Apple turns 16 or so to roll her out into the public eye with a modeling campaign – then she’ll claim it was all Apple’s choice because she’s so independent and talented and spirited or whatever. Apple will be the next nepotism model/actress, just you wait. Gwynnie’s laying the groundwork with those IG posts.
And wait for it, we will no doubt hear all about how “accomplished” apple is. Remember that quote from Blythe danner.
She put the little Apple emoticon to hint ir’s her.
And I think you’re spot on, Katenotkatie, that’s the way it will go.
If you have a brain, you’re not wasting money on Goop.
I can’t hate on the goat milk smoothies; goat milk is easier to digest for some
My guess is that the homebody hashtag also refers to Apple. Lovely pic.
That’s what I was thinking, too, Tracker. It would make more sense if Apple is the homebody. It’s a gorgeous picture (I can admit that now that I know it’s not Goop) 😊
Thank you!
I was very surprised to have to scroll down so far to see this theory.
I had just assumed that, seeing as it is Apple dancing in the picture, then she is the one who is a homebody and doing a victory lap. She was probably made to go on the trip by her mum, and maybe would have preferred not to?
I cant stand Gwyneth, but I think her insta has been misinterpreted here.
Has anyone ever seen a movie called “Serial”? Tommy Smothers, Martin Mull and Sally Kellerman are in it. It was made in 1980 but Goop and her posse of wealthy wastes-of-air remind me EXACTLY of what this movie spoofs – it’s basically about a family that succumbs to every loony faddish health cure/spiritual advisor/naval-gazing claptrap you can think of and it’s absolutely hilarious.
Jaded gives it her 2 thumbs up!
I suspect this might be controversial but perhaps Apple is “the homebody” given that 1) she puts an apple emoji next to the statement 2 week vacation complete; and 2) the picture is of Apple doing a dance move with the hashtag “victory dance of a homebody.” I could see this as an inside joke between them or something along those lines. . .
I agree. Apple wasn’t with the rest of the family on their recent yacht trip, so I think she was at some sort of camp or home stay in Spain.
Maybe Apple is the homebody?
This is a photo of Apple celebrating some sort of accomplishment. Family friends have made comments like “She did it!” Maybe a home stay in Spain like Gwyn did as a kid??
Loving those delicious Colbert take-downs of Goop.