Minnie Driver & Alyssa Milano trash ‘utterly tone deaf’ Matt Damon

Matt Damon seen leaving the The Late Show with Stephen Colbert in NYC

I’m still in state of disbelief about that Matt Damon interview. If there wasn’t video to go along with the detailed and horrendous transcript, I might have even wondered if it was real. But no, it’s very real. Matt Damon is truly that tone-deaf. He really is a massive douchebag. Of course, we knew he was problematic as hell long ago. That interview was so bad, though, it feels like simply say “he’s canceled” isn’t going far enough. It’s fascinating to see the backlash – especially from higher profile voices – against Damon in the wake of that horrendous, garbage interview. One of those high-profile voices? Minnie Driver, who dated Matt Damon back in the 1990s until he announced during an Oprah interview that they had broken up (it was news to Minnie). Here’s what she tweeted:

She interacted with her Twitter followers after that and surprisingly kept it on-topic – there was no tea-spilling of any personal sh-t. Minnie seemed most offended by Damon’s argument that “we can work with that” if a sexual predator only, like, masturbated in front of unconsenting women and offered a bullsh-t apology about it. She was offended by the idea that Damon was trying to minimize the abuses many women have suffered, like women aren’t really victims if they’ve just been groped and assaulted a little bit. Minnie noted in another tweet “You don’t get to be hierarchical with abuse. And you don’t get to tell women that because some guy only showed them their penis, their pain isn’t as great as a woman who was raped.” Well said.

In addition to Minnie’s thoughtful responses to Damon, Alyssa Milano also had a lot to say. I’m not going to embed all the tweets, but here you go:

Dear Matt Damon,

It’s the micro that makes the macro. We are in a “culture of outrage” because the magnitude of rage is, in fact, overtly outrageous. And it is righteous. I have been a victim of each component of the sexual assault spectrum of which you speak. They all hurt. And they are all connected to a patriarchy intertwined with normalized, accepted–even welcomed– misogyny. We are not outraged because someone grabbed our asses in a picture. We are outraged because we were made to feel this was normal. We are outraged because we have been gaslighted. We are outraged because we were silenced for so long. There are different stages of cancer. Some more treatable than others. But it’s still cancer. Sexual harassment, misconduct, assault and violence is a systemic disease. The tumor is being cut out right now with no anesthesia. Please send flowers. #MeToo

[From Alyssa Milano’s Twitter]

I don’t have a problem with what she said. I mean, we could all write some long-winded thinkpieces about Why Matt Damon Needs To Shut His Damn Mouth, or How You Like Them Apples: Matt Damon Is An A–hole. But right at this very moment, I’m sort of happy that someone of Damon’s stature in the industry is showing his ass. We can all point to him and say “this is the problem, this is why predators are enabled for so long, because this is how powerful white men really think.”

Alyssa Milano sports a New York Giants t-shirt in NYC

Minnie Driver poses at the world premiere of "Star Wars: The Last Jedi"

Photos courtesy of Backgrid.

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134 Responses to “Minnie Driver & Alyssa Milano trash ‘utterly tone deaf’ Matt Damon”

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  1. IlsaLund says:

    It’s not just powerful white men….I’d say just men in general. (Looking at you Warren Sapp who thought it was ok to buy female coworkers cute vibrators for gifts……WTF???).

    It’s so much a part of the culture that men grow up (and many women also) thinking it’s okay, that’s how things are and there a degrees…..that’s how we ended up with a sexual predator as President.

    • Twiggys Eyeliner says:

      I truly believe it’s a “men in general” problem.

      I wrote a #MeToo piece, and the local paper where I live picked up on it, and asked to run it. It mainly focused on my personal experience, and moving past it, but also touched base on harassment, assault, violence against women, and rape.

      I then had a gentleman I know reach out to tell me I was “taking away from the discussion of rape, by throwing harassment into the same talking point, and how harassment shouldn’t happen, but isn’t that terrible.” He waxed on and on about how these discussions could be used to take innocent men down, and now “every guy” has to worry that some vengeful woman is going to make something up just to ruin him. There was also mention that if “these things actually happened, then why didn’t ‘those’ women report it to the police?” I told him if he felt that strongly, he should write a piece for the paper (I mean, let’s out these types of people), and he said he’s “not the type of person who’s going to waste their time writing, and has better things to do with his time.” He also made a few snide remarks about me ‘sharing my personal business’.

      Prior to this, I most likely would have told you this man was the nicest person you would ever meet.

      • Kezia says:

        Doesn’t sound like a “gentleman”to me at all, sounds like someone who is worried one of these “vengeful” women is going to out him for his own shady behaviour. I hope you told him where to go, not to a newspaper,but to EFF OFF.

      • Sophia's Side eye says:

        So, he doesn’t have time to write a think piece of his own, too important obviously. 🙄 But he does have the time to bother and harass you? Dude, sounds scared of skeletons of his own coming out of the closet. You should thank him for showing you who he is.

      • magnoliarose says:

        I am glad you wrote a piece and it started a conversation. He may not get it now but you planted the seed and that is all you can do. It doesn’t mean he isn’t a nice guy in some areas and he fooled you. He just heard the same crap we heard and is uncomfortable with this shift and loss of entitlement. OR maybe he is a skeeve and you never knew it and he is defensive because he did something or many things he is afraid might bite him in his fanny.
        I bet he is thinking and thinking about this.
        I also bet that you changed more views than you realize.

      • Lahdidahbaby says:

        Sounds like this *gentleman* has a few skeletons in his gentlemanly closet.

      • whatWHAT? says:

        no time to write for the paper, but time enough to mansplain to you how your writing was wrong.

        I agree with the others…any man that worries about a “vengeful” woman accusing some poor widdle man of harassment likely has done some harassing on his own.

      • tweed315 says:

        my mother told me this weekend that these ‘harassment claims were getting out of hand.’ i don’t think I have ever been more disappointed.

    • LizLemonGotMarried says:

      On Friday, I blew my boss’s mind. He’s a solid, woke, white male in his 50s, I’ve worked for him for years, and he is respectful to the nth degree of women-all women. He believes in intersectional feminism. He’s human, of course, but he absolutely respects and promotes women-often literally. He started down the heistation path about someone we knew and I finally just laid it all out. Everything the guy has said in front of me, everything he has done, every sexual comment and discussion he’s felt ok with having, and while I was on a roll, I detailed the 10 years of my personal experience at our company, down to the last two inappropriate emails I received regarding a “little black dress” and how I should wear it to go on a onexone “date” with one of our account managers, and how I would kick the ass of that manager if he came near me. Then I laid it out for him: I’m tall. I’m strong as hell. I’m a badass bitch boss at a Fortune 50, and I still have to weigh making a fuss versus having a safe work environment, and while I’ll do it for my employees, and just did recently, for myself, sometimes it’s just not worth the damn pain. His jaw was on the floor the entire time.

      I’m pretty sure he went home, drank a six-pack, and realigned his world view. And I feel a little sorry for him, just a little, because no matter how much he read, it never really clicked-this happens to ALL the women I know.

      • Liberty says:

        @LzLemonGotMarried: Bravo. Well done, well said.

      • Sophia's Side eye says:

        Brava, Liz! 👏🏼

      • magnoliarose says:

        Ha! :) Great points.

        Like your boss my poor father thought he knew too and he did all the right safety measures including making sure women were secure leaving work, plenty of security, sexual harassment training, zero tolerance and the whole thing but he now realizes it was the secret stuff that no one ever talks about that is the problem.
        My sister, like you, is a badass bitch that works in a field that is male-dominated, and she dominates them. She fears nothing. And yet she has been sexually harassed by a subordinate.
        Of course, she crushed his soul(long game revenge), but that is how men think. She may be the boss, BUT she still has a vagina, so she is less than me. It is not the only the time, but it hurt my father to hear his Athena the Mighty has also been a victim.
        This point needs to be said over, and over; it doesn’t matter how you present yourself or how bold or intimidating you are, there will be men in our lives that harass and assault anyway.

      • Lahdidahbaby says:

        Brava, LizLemonGot Married! Wish I’d seen that go down!

      • LizLemonGotMarried says:

        Thanks all! It felt really good-I’ve kind of kept quiet for the last five years, because I knew if I brought things to him, he would absolutely deal with them, but it just felt like I could handle most of it on my own, and I knew putting him in that position might impact his relationships with other influential men or maybe even impact how he viewed me. I know it’s bullshit, but I was scared. However, I think when we aren’t transparent, the allies, the “woke” men, the ones we expect to stand with us-they don’t always realize what’s happening, especially if they are known as an ally or known to stand for women, where people might not be gross in front of them. I’ve never turned a blind eye to something that happened to someone else, but I feel like not telling my own stories may have allowed someone to believe that it’s just to do with power or age or physicality-smaller, weaker, younger, less dominating or powerful women experience these things. But it’s all of us. It’s ALL of us.

    • Heather says:

      It’s so much a part of the culture, when it is collectively pointed out how none of this is ok, particularly at work, tons of men get so moody and salty and start speaking out publicly with questions like, “well, how am I supposed to get a woman’s attention if I think she’s attractive?”

      The lack of an alternative way to behave in demonstrating feelings toward a woman is the stunner of 2017, I’d say.

      • Kezia says:

        “well, how am I supposed to get a woman’s attention if I think she’s attractive?”

        The lack of an alternative way to behave in demonstrating feelings toward a woman is the stunner of 2017, I’d say.
        Absolutely x1000

      • Liberty says:

        At one US corporation where I was consulting, I noticed two guys, early 30′s, making some dumb sexual/appearance jokes and comments through a meeting and work sessions, about two young female employees and two female interns. The four women eye-rolled and said nothing, like it was the norm.

        Later I asked three of the other older, mid-management women in their mid 30s to early early 40s about it. I was told “Ha, oh that’s just X and Y, how they are,” like yes, stupid, but, so what? I pointed out how weird It was to have men feel they could say stuff like that in the workplace and even in front of an outside team like mine. And how it sort of seemed to silence the four women. Belittling these women who apparently felt they could say nothing, or didn’t want to elevate it in our creative meeting. So they were silent.

        They looked stunned. They said, “That’s just their way of making sure you can tell they are cool and creative. They are really nice guys. They probably have crushes on M and N.” They were not seeing that this was every kind of wrong. It went into our report anyway, because we viewed it as silencing the input of the four women. Behavior very different on our 3 month revisit. And this was barely two years ago. 😖

      • Enough Already says:

        Liberty your post, along with Liz Lemon’s, makes me so proud. Thank you.

      • Stevie says:

        Liberty, I have a boss who had his butt thrown out of our building by his new female boss. Everyone lined up behind him – the new woman was every horrible word you can Imagine.
        After this happened, he was telling a group of about 6 women and me about how he went in to talk to her about their issues. He said “We have to talk,”and she said OK, but didnt look up from her computer. He said “We need to talk NOW,” and he leaned over her desk and closed her laptop on her. He was removed from the building a week later.
        When he told that story, I said, “Oh, now I get why you were removed.” I was the only woman out of 6 who was appallled at what he did.
        I think women have been tainted by the male privilege that is rampant in our society.we think we dont even have the right to our own bodies and personal space. I tell all the young women I work with this story now.

      • magnoliarose says:

        Yay Liberty!
        Stevie that would make me throw him out of the building too. That is appalling. Women need a little shake also, and we have to speak up to point things out. We are conditioned to minimize and excuse and push away how we feel. Not anymore.

    • Wren says:

      I said this on the previous MD thread. Men are taught that only physicality matters, so no physical harm, no foul. They have never been objectified, they have seen “man hits on woman but she evades him” played out as a comedic situation countless times, and they have been taught to welcome and glory in similar attentions from women. Which, of course, they can because they are the stronger ones and they know they can easily put a stop to things any time they want. It’s amazing how safe they feel. Because of all this, they quite literally don’t understand what the big deal is, nor how what they perceive as harmless is in fact anything but.

    • Shannon says:

      I think it is how a lot of men – powerful or not – think. But I do think the power aspect adds to blatantness. That’s all I can figure. I’ve been working or going to school my entire adult life and yes, I have had incidents, but nobody’s ever whipped their d*ck out at me. Like, some of the things – which I totally believe – are mind-blowing to even me and I thought I’d seen a lot. I can’t help but chalk it up to power. A politician or a Harvey Weinstein or a Bill Cosby et al, are more likely to let power embolden them than, say, an editor at a community newspaper or a team lead at a call center (some places I’ve worked). But Matt Damon seriously needs to stfu. I could NOT believe that interview, and it does speak volumes of how tone deaf a LOT of men – even men I love, like my own father – are.

  2. Mel says:

    You know what? I hate this argument but I feel that it’s necessary for Damon. *Deep breath. Here we go.*
    YOU HAVE FOUR DAUGHTERS DAMON!!!
    Would you feel any less pissed if one of them came home with a #MeToo story and told you it was « just assault »?!
    SERIOUSLY???!!!
    This guy cannot disappear far enough at this point.
    Mansplainville has a new king, I guess.
    I’m glad he’s being called out on it.
    I’m still baffled by the lack of self-awareness.
    It takes a special kind of navel-gazing to think people still need to hear his opinion…

    • Who ARE These People? says:

      Couldn’t help think the same thing, in this case…he’s always talked so proudly of having 4 daughters. If they were viewed as the general population, wouldn’t that mean 2 of the 4 will be sexually assaulted in some way? And more likely by someone they know?

      Matt, sit down, shut up, and listen. You’re not as smart as you think you are … you’re just twisting everything to cover for your buddies and patrons.

      • Heather says:

        He has 4 daughters like a farmer has 4 prize cows.

      • Kit says:

        @Heather exactly. I imagine his response to his daughters in that situation would be exactly as he displays in this interview: he’d be looking for what they did wrong and telling them what the man *really* meant by his abuse (“he must really like you”), and how they should keep quiet about it. He throws the 4 daughters line around every time he opens his mouth, not because he is proud of them but because he thinks it makes him an expert on women.

    • Sweet Dee says:

      I had this same thought, but then another one struck me:

      It’s probably best he has daughters because had he sons, he certainly wouldn’t be teaching them respect for women, or lessons like “don’t rape.”

      Because that’s the thing we need right now, people teaching boys how to behave. Girls are taught how to behave from a very young age, so his girls already probably have an idea of what they’re not supposed to wear or say. And that’s probably better than what his boys would learn from someone like this.

      • Sigh... says:

        Ew. Imagining Matt Damon having sons to “Mattsplain” life to, w/ Uncles Ben & Casey nodding over his shoulder. Ugh! 😩

      • magnoliarose says:

        Yes, we do need to teach our sons. I see the difference it makes with my brothers, and they make me proud, and I want to feel the same way about my sons. I want them to be allies and defenders in some cases and to call it out.
        My brother came home from university once very upset; he was in school in the UK. A lordling (aristocrat) was bragging about getting working-class girls drunk and “effing their c..ts.”
        The other guys thought it was funny, but it bothered him because they were close friends and he liked his family. Later, the guy claimed he was just joking and bragging and drunk. My brother believed him and is still close to him, but now he is not so sure it was a lie. He’s not the type now, but maybe he was once.
        It makes me wonder how many of these defensive men are like that. They have secret past horrible behavior, and now it is haunting them.
        I don’t know what I would do if someone who is now honorable confessed something terrible to me.

    • Stevie says:

      Here is my issue with men saying that, though.
      It makes it seems that we only have value as an appendage to a man. That I have daughters/sisters/wife/mother allows a male to only feel we shouldnt be harassed because some man values us.
      I know that isn’t what you are saying at all- i’m just commenting that when men say that to explain why they care about this issue, I think, Oh, thank God you have a daughter! Otherwise, this would be fine with you!

  3. HeyThere! says:

    He needs to sit down and i’m glad these two stepped up and told him the truth. Ugh, he needs to stop!!

  4. Marissa says:

    Alyssa Milano was slammed by Rose McGowan for Weinstein complicity. “Alyssa, maybe you and Georgina can call up Camille Cosby”
    Amazing how little awareness she has of herself.

    • Nicole says:

      very little. this is the same woman that stole MeToo and didn’t credit Burke until she was dragged for filth.
      She is quite the white feminist

    • HelloSunshine says:

      Can you elaborate on this for me? I don’t know Alyssa’s history with Weinstein?

      • Des says:

        She doesn’t have a history with Weinstein but she is good friends with Georgina Chapman and iirc gave an interview about how Georgina has been doing in the wake of the allegations and Rose got super angry and saw it as a personal betrayal.

        Which – if Weinstein was so horrible to women he met professionally, I can’t imagine what he was like to his wives. And it must be horrible to find out that this is the true face of the father of your children so unless we find out Georgina was actively complicit in his deeds, I think Marchesa deserves to die but Georgina doesn’t need to be lynched the same as her husband.

        Also, Rose is an imperfect contender in the purity olympics given her known support for a child molester and her transphobia. So let’s not do that, Rose.

      • magnoliarose says:

        Oh, stop. Georgina Chapman knew, and no one believes otherwise anymore. She wants to relaunch that horrible Marchesa, and no one is here for it. AND it is now coming out she wasn’t such a thrill to work for, and she was around when he bullied actresses. I already knew that, but I am glad other people are saying it.
        She chose to have children with whom we all knew was a monster so, please spare me the tears. Harvey’s accomplice/ beneficiary of his malice doesn’t deserve any sympathy. I had limited before, but I have none now.
        She, Poison Ivy and Melania can form a sympathy club somewhere in Greenland and compare plastic surgery scars. Can’t stand them. She has the nerve to want to put her sexual predator rape clothes on the runway. Bought and paid for with the pain of thousands of women he preyed on, raped and destroyed.

    • Valois says:

      I have to agree, Alyssa should have given so much more credit to the origins of #metoo. But I also think Rose would benefit from a bit more self-awareness, too (ex: her defending Salva).

      • LAK says:

        I have so much sympathy for Rose right now. of course this isn’t about accepting everything Rose says or tweets, but this is a woman who has been victimised all her life and silenced and is now releasing decades of pent up anger. She can’t be rational or strategic about what she is saying right now. It’s Pure, blind rage. When she was first revealed in the first article, she had a moment of 4 days when it was radio silence from Hollywood. She was literally on the cliff showing her vulnerability and for 4 days Hollywood didn’t support her. Meanwhile Harvey spent those same 4 days trying to rally Hollywood support. If he had succeeded, Rose and Asia and Mira and Ashley and Roseanne would have been hang out to dry.

        And Hollywood made sure Harvey’s power had been completely stripped away before they stepped forward to support Rose and Asia and Mira and Ashley and Roseanne.

        Can you imagine what that does to a person?!

        If I knew Rose personally, I’d figure out a way to take away any self-harming objects or scenerios, but let her have her rage.

        She deserves her rage. My goodness she’s earned this moment. And we abuse her more by telling her to curb it or reign it in or be appropriate so we aren’t embarrassed by it or what she has to say.

        Cancelling her because she was problematic in another situation is not going to help her in this moment. This needs to burn out first before she is capable of an intersectional conversation. Right now, it’s the pure rage of seeing her enemy finally punished even if it’s just to strip him of his power, rage at the system that propped him up which has shown how wide spread this problem is which reinforces how alone she probably felt, even when surrounded by so-called friends.

        And while we are here, Matt Damon can eff right off!!!

      • Enough Already says:

        LAK
        This brought surprising tears to my eyes. You said exactly what I’m too emotional to say coherently. There is no perfect victim and without McGowan’s relentless bravery would Weinstein even be defeated?

      • Valois says:

        I never said Rose has to be a perfect victim to deserve our sympathy or support, Enough Already.
        And no one in this thread said she has to be cancelled, is embarrassing or inappropriate either. Self-awareness is a an internal process anyway and she’s not obliged to share it with us.

        Rose has every right to be upset, emotional and angry because she went through hell. So do other women who should not be shamed either – and I think it’s fair to say that I personally disagree with her saying every woman who remained silent and attends the golden globes is co-responsible (I’m paraphrasing her) while I absolutely think she has the right to feel like that and that I understand why she feels like that.

        And yes, efff off, Mr. “married to a civilian”

      • Enough Already says:

        Valois
        I commented under your op but should have indicated that my own comments are in general. I know from your previous thoughts on this topic that you aren’t victim blaming.

      • magnoliarose says:

        Yes LAK. I feel her rage and I don’t blame her for the release. You pointed this out eloquently.

      • Valois says:

        @Enough Already
        Oh, I see. I absolutely agree with you in general. I’ve looked at a thread on Lipstickalley today and was mortified what the posters said about her. Zero empathy or compassion.

    • Wren says:

      There is no perfect victim.

      There is no perfect victim.

      There is no perfect victim.

    • Enough Already says:

      Rose has a right to slam Alyssa’s initial radio silence about her rape while tripping over herself to remind us not to be mean to Georgina Chapman. Chapman is not to blame for Weinstein’s behavior but keep n mind that she lied about not knowing anything. In 2015 the NYPD investigated an Italian model’s sexual assault claim against Weinstein. The disturbing encounter between the model and Weinstein was recorded. When the story broke Chapman was reportedly “furious at Weinstein” and terrified that her “brand” would be affected. They spent that weekend holed up in their Connecticut estate while Chapman decided to wait and see what would happen. Unnamed sources close to the couple said divorce was on the table if Weinstein was indeed officially charged by the NYPD. No charges were filed. Chapman stayed. In addition, I think people forget that in the first few days of the Weinstein story breaking he maintained that his wife was going to stand by his side. It’s possible he believed this because he felt no one was going to take his accusers seriously and Chapman had stuck around throughout the other allegations. But what steams me is her rep’s 2017 statement that she knew absolutely nothing or she would have divorced him. The internet is forever though. That and her unwillingness to even pretend that anything matters but her clothing line.

      • LAK says:

        Thank you Enough Already for reminding people of the sequence of events as they unfolded.

        We can’t allow people to forget these things and this sequence of events.

        My goodness, if Harvey had managed to get Hollywood to stand by him, Rose and Ashley and Asia and Mira and Roseanne would be ruined and Chapman would still be enjoying her Weinstein marriage and perks.

        This is who Alyssa is defending. A woman who only stayed because the kitchen got too hot, NOT because the kitchen was on fire. If the fire had been put out, she would have stayed.

        And the constant references about saving her brand as if that is the most important thing to the victims.

      • Enough Already says:

        A woman who only stayed because the kitchen got too hot, NOT because the kitchen was on fire. If the fire had been put out, she would have stayed.

        This is brilliant and your point that we should not ignore the sequence of events is so important. It gives support and validation to everyone who has been suffering in silence. When I refuse to fall in line with Chapman’s public narrative it means I’m standing with women like Felicity Huffman who said that Chapman absolutely knew that women were forced to wear Marchesa. It means I’m standing with women like Annabelle Sciorra who struggled with crippling shame and trauma after being victimized by a man whose crimes never landed him before a judge. No one forced Chapman to issue that statement. Her quick response that had I known any of this I would have divorced him speaks volumes to what she assumed would be society’s immediate question for her. But it wasn’t because we are not quick to blame the spouse, despite what the Chapman defenders keep alleging. Again, Chapman had probably forgotten about that 2015 article. Initially People magazine took issue with Chapman and published insider statements asserting that Chapman had always known, did not care and wanted to continue her profitable relationship with her husband. But Chapman’s PR game gained ground and five weeks later People ran a sympathetic Chapman exclusive. Everyone backs a winner, I suppose. Funny because that very mentality is what let someone like Weinstein get away with his crimes for as long as he did.

        Chapman has two small children to raise and although Marchesa should be burned to the ground I don’t wish ill for her future. I hope Chapman finds a way to reconcile herself with what she willfully did for success and I hope she becomes an advocate. But no, I am not willing to swallow her lies.

      • magnoliarose says:

        I don’t have ill will towards her either, but I sure wish she would go away. She is paying the price for avarice. And being so arrogant to think she had the right to her position even though she has no talent. Designers work their way to success because they are skilled and consumers decide if they are worthy, but she wanted the shortcut and mafia styled her way into the fashion world. Her fashion line is low rent ugly and amateur like a student fashion show at a charity event.
        Alyssa is dangerously close to cancellation for stealing #metoo and talking about this phony.

        The stories are there. You can’t truly scrub the internet G.

      • Enough Already says:

        magnoliarose
        A little louder for the apologists in the back. You and LAK are saving my sanity today. And neither one of you are fooling me lol – I pay attention and I know that the most delicious tea is spilled by insiders ;) Thank you both for your insight and for caring about what really matters. CB is lucky to have you here.

      • magnoliarose says:

        @EA
        Thank you. There are others who pop in and out. ;)
        I am glad to be here and connect with so many lovely people like you who make me laugh and think.

        Glad your back. Royal threads just weren’t the same.

    • Otaku Fairy says:

      ‘ “Georgina is doing very well … she’s an amazing woman, and I think her priority right now is focusing on how to raise those two children to the best of her capacity given the situation,” she said. “She goes through very dark times. She’s very sad. This is not easy for her, but I have no doubt that not only will she come out on the other side of this, but she deserves to. She’s a good woman.” ‘- Alyssa Milano’s exact words.

      It’s easy to see why her saying that would be upsetting to Rose and annoying to the public, but I think it’s a stretch to label that statement as Weinstein complicity, because she’s not defending Harvey at all. I don’t buy the idea that Georgina was 100% in the dark about all of her husband’s behavior for the entirety of their relationship either. We know that at the latest she knew by 2015 that her husband had assaulted or harassed at least one woman. But for whatever reason Alyssa Milano believes that there’s more to the Georgina piece than meets the eye. It could be just a blindspot due to her friendship with her, it could be something she knows/suspects, or it could be a combination of both. Just like there are no perfect victims, there are no perfect allies. This makes Alyssa an imperfect ally, not a Harvey enabler.

      • Enough Already says:

        Otaku Fairy
        You always err on the side of compassion and empathy and I personally admire that but no one has a problem with a friend supporting another friend. The problem is Milano did not support McGowan, an actual victim and someone Milano used to be extremely close to. Lastly, Milano stole #metoo and conveniently rode the wave of social praise she received for it. So to recap, Milano took credit for another woman’s idea, gained power and credibility from it and decided to use that power to make a plea for the wife of the man who raped and assaulted untold numbers of women, one of whom was a friend that she couldn’t be bothered to publicly support. Yep, that’s about it.

  5. Nicole says:

    Not here for anything Milano says but Minnie Driver…yes. And her tweets made me laugh and shake my head in disgust. Because yes Damon basically put out there what every dude who is scared by the “witch hunt” thinks.

  6. Maya says:

    You go ladies – men like him needs to shut the eff up and disappear from planet Hollywood.

    It’s clear now why Angelina Jolie truly never got along with Matt Damon, Clooney and both Affleck brothers while she married to Brad.

    She saw through their BS and probably didn’t want them near her or her children with their attitude and being rapist / predators.

    I gotta say that Matt must have had a truly wonderful PR agent up until few years ago. Now – no matter what he says, his true idiocy is out in the open.

    My last hope on Hollywood men lies on Chris Pine & Keanu Reeves. Please please don’t turn out to be d-bags…

  7. Aerohead21 says:

    My dear husband, who’s the sweetest man I know and would NEVER reach out to hurt someone on purpose, thinks when I’m sad or need his comfort it means more than just non-sexual cuddles. I have no idea who taught him this or where he might have picked it up…clearly no one before me corrected him but by his report he was only with 2 people before me (he’s 43). Sooo…idk. It’s never occurred to him that even reaching for a boob just killed the need for his comfort and made it more difficult to reach out for him in those times.

    It’s truly embedded deep in our culture to accept this kind of behavior. These guys have literally no idea what it’s like to be the one on the bottom, so to speak. The fact that he’s upset people are losing their careers…maybe…these careers shouldn’t have existed but they did because of complicit Ivankas like you?

    • Jess says:

      Your husband does that too?! Glad I’m not alone. I don’t understand where the f men learns this stuff.

    • juliaoc says:

      I can’t tell you how much your post means to me. My husband (a very good, kind person) is like that, too. I die a little inside every time he does it. I feel less alone now. Thank you.

      • Nicole Savannah, GA says:

        Same. I look at my fiance and have no idea how I got so lucky.

      • Stevie says:

        I think a lot of men do this!
        My husband did this, I swatted his hand away and gave him a lecture on not wanting sexual contact when I’m emotionally upset. He is a good man, but didnt have a clue. If we have a good guy in our lives, I think we have to enlighten them. Thankfully, my 23 year old daughter does this a lot for my husband and her brothers.

      • Jess says:

        I feel less alone now too, thank you all for sharing your stories. It’s something I’ve never discussed before because it’s kind of embarrassing and whenever I do say something to him it hurts his feelings then I end up feeling like an asshole. I’m gonna try a different approach next time it happens, because it’s definitely at the point where I hide my emotions from him sometimes and I’m resentful, but you guys are right, a lot of men aren’t taught to handle their own emotions properly, let alone ours.

    • Heather says:

      Haha, this is why I’m not married. And there’s no way to bring any of this up without THEIR feelings being to hurt to even hear it. It’s amazing how any feeling a woman has outside of a man’s, often unconscious or uncontemplated agenda, is just rejection to them, and not a discussion at all.

      • MC2 says:

        ^ YES ^ My (soon to be ex) husband takes every instance of me saying “hey- that doesn’t feel good” as a rejection of him & therefore he fires back or just stonewalls me because “I am so mean”. I was talking about the dude who harassed me at work, said that I didn’t like his jokes about it & that somehow makes ME a cold, intensive a-hole who is picking on your character? Nope- your joke was just a dumb joke which turned into an opportunity to listen to me & learn but now that you are all pissed about me having the audacity to speak about my discomfort……NOW I question your character.

    • Wren says:

      I believe it comes from a (deeply misguided) notion that women, above all else, want to feel beautiful and desired and the very best way to do that is to make a move on them. Men are also never taught how to deal with sadness and similar emotions, both in themselves and others. They’ve also been ingrained with the idea that men “cannot possibly” understand women. So they resort to clumsy and boorish displays of what they perceive as affection. Also, men often have very little experience in non-sexual touch. It’s actually quite an underappreciated problem, and there are very insightful articles on the subject of the lack of touching in men’s lives and how that affects them in ways they don’t even realize.

      I’ve talked about this with my husband a lot, because he used to do things like this too. In the moment it’s impossible because it always comes across as “rejection! rejection!” but at other, calmer moments I’ve reiterated exactly what I need from him. Spelled it out. Repeatedly. Because if I don’t, nobody else will. Society has failed men in so many ways, and teaching them to give and receive respectful, nurturing, platonic, non-sexual touch is one of them.

      • Samantha says:

        What a beautiful comment, Wren! I learn so much on this site.

      • MC2 says:

        I like this comment a lot and it touches on a ton of stuff that I agree with but….men have to want to learn. It is not our responsibility to keep ourselves safe and fix their broken butts too. Serious kudos that Wren had patience with her husband & that he was willing to learn. If a man isn’t willing to listen & learn about respectful touching, it doesn’t mater where he was taught that lesson & we shouldn’t now put the impetus on women to unilaterally & consistently teach men to receive or give respectful touch……and if teaching a man this means going through a lot of non-respectful touching to get there, then I wonder about the harm to one person for the benefit of the other.
        Hopefully Wren’s husband talks to other men & spreads the word cuz they need to huddle & fix themselves.

      • Wren says:

        You’re absolutely right, MC2, I shouldn’t *have to* teach a man about respectful touch. But it’s gotta start somewhere. If you want a thing, ask for it. It would be fantastic if we didn’t have to, if men were raised to know and understand loving non-sexual touch. I have hopes for the future of the next generation of boys. But the men here with us right now will be raising those boys directly or indirectly along with us, and we need them to understand.

        Many people are teachable, and clearly worded, non-accusatory statements can go a long way. No, we shouldn’t have to, but the cycle isn’t going to get broken if we leave it up to men to figure out on their own. Look where that’s gotten us.

    • Mathilde says:

      Mine does that too, but I’m not sure it’s negative, it’s just the way he shows his love and it falls into his much more action oriented pattern. But it does not mean that he doesn’t notice when I’m down or won’t give me support. He says the most amazingly uplifting things to me all the time, it’s just more imbedded into our general conversations and I often don’t notice until afterwards. But he doesn’t do non-goal oriented comfort sessions or relationship talk, I save those for my girlfriends. I’m not even going to try to change him, it will make both of us miserable.

    • Jaded says:

      Wow…I too have had lots of experience with the inability of men to react with sympathy and compassion, turning every request for some nurturing into sex then getting sulky and indignant when they’re turned down. Mr. Jaded, however, spent 3 months nursing me through breast cancer surgery with love and compassion and a positive attitude – all without even talking about wanting sex. He realized that despite my great recovery I was still pretty fragile, not to mention sad about the loss of most of my right breast and didn’t feel particularly attractive. He’s very woke about the need for hugging and nurturing and I love him to bits for it.

    • magnoliarose says:

      I have had bfs like that, and it used to make me dislike them for a split second and then feel disappointed in their reaction. One bf told me sex feels so good I thought we could be connected and I could comfort you. He wasn’t a mean person, but I believe he was honest.
      My husband is not like that. But he has been married before to someone he wasn’t physically attracted to after a while but still cared about, and looked after. Even now she asks for advice because he is a good listener. He had to learn to be that way, and he did because he didn’t want sex from her.

      In my opinion, you should talk about it at a time when you don’t need comfort, so no feelings are raw. Just an honest, open discussion without blaming or shaming to find out why he does it and why you react that way. A little something I learned in couple’s counseling. It works too because my husband remembers our talk and adjusts or I adjust. He can be possessive, not a lunatic but he gets jealous sometimes, but I don’t have a jealous bone in my body. I figure I trust you until you show me not to but if you cheat we are finished. He had never experienced jealousy before, and I am allergic. We had an honest talk, and it shifted the dynamic.

      Talk about everything but timing is the key, I have found. I believe it is fixable and will only bring you closer. You have a right to have that boundary.

    • Asiyah says:

      Aerohead21, what you brought up is exactly why I don’t think men and women can be friends. It’s not even s*xual, it’s about men not knowing how to comfort us and either freezing up or thinking we need s*x when we are upset. My last relationship was entirely that way and to this day he’ll sit there and say he was always there for me because every time I was depressed he would just touch me and we’d do it. I didn’t even want to more than half the time but I gave up at some point when I had the epiphany that I’m going up against a belief that I don’t share. Thank God I got out of that relationship, but ultimately I had to stop having male friends because they truly didn’t meet my emotional needs and I don’t think they ever will. I’m glad I married a man who does but I wouldn’t be surprised if one day he displays that type of behavior/belief because unfortunately that’s been ingrained in almost every guy.

  8. Snowflake says:

    It’s not that hard to keep your hands to yourself. I do it every day

    • perplexed says:

      That’s the part I don’t get — why don’t they keep their hands to themselves? It’s common courtesy. It wouldn’t occur to me to randomly touch men — I tend to make the assumption that I might make them uncomfortable.

      • Ally says:

        It’s not just sexual. It’s also often using sex to push female colleagues out of the workplace. Because too many garbage men don’t believe women belong there; certainly not competing for power a man might want. So you get a grope and/or get a competent woman to look for work elsewhere.

        The Glenn Thrush story fills me with rage, for instance. (And the paper is brainstorming ways to reinstate him.) Not only did he make grotesque predatory passes at junior colleagues, he then misreported the encounters at the office, making the women out to be desperate and slutty. He thus made himself an unreliable reporter while attempting to discredit his victims in their professional lives.

        It’s about who is on the track to power and who is pushed off it in one way or another.

      • perplexed says:

        “It’s also often using sex to push female colleagues out of the workplace. Because too many garbage men don’t believe women belong there; certainly not competing for power a man might want. So you get a grope and/or get a competent woman to look for work elsewhere.”

        That’s a good point. I hadn’t ever thought of that.

        I’ve read about men wanting to exert and wield their power to show dominance, but it had never occurred to me that it was actually a means to push women out of the workplace.

    • Domino says:

      My friend’s husband, who is an ok guy, has said the same thing as Damon. When people say #notallmen, it is a fear response. I think men are honestly scared someone is going to report them for an accident. Like, no, men are once again missing the point. You just need to listen.

      Because here is the thing – I had a male coworker accidentally brush my boob when reaching for something and he apologized profusely. I could tell it was not meant in a sexual way at all, and the fact that he acknowledged it and said sorry in a genuine way was all I needed.

      My coworker treated me like a human, and that is ALL women are asking for. Consideration. Respect.

  9. Rachel in August says:

    And I hope more come forward in defense of Minnie and echo her statements and stance. All the nasty behaviours aside, the assaults, the rapes, the harrassments, all of the horrific treatments, is Matt Damon forgetting HW made DEATH threats towards Salma? DEATH THREATS. James Toback made DEATH THREATS against Selma Blair. What is your opinion on that, Matt? You huge gigantic POS.

    • SilverUnicorn says:

      They also tried to wipe out entire careers when those women said no; see Ashley Judd & Mira Sorvino who were smeared with the accusation of ‘being difficult’ (Peter Jackson reported on that 3 days ago).

    • Millie says:

      I think his opinion on threatening to kill women is probably something along the lines of: “All of that behavior needs to be confronted, but there is a continuum. And on this end of the continuum where you have actually murdering someone or whatever, you know, that’s prison. Right? And that’s what needs to happen. Okay? And then we can talk about rehabilitation and everything else. That’s criminal behavior, and it needs to be dealt with that way. The other stuff is just kind of shameful and gross.”

      • Rachel in August says:

        “There are none so blind as those who will not see.” I’m just glad he’s laying his whole character right at everyone’s feet. Well done, Matt. Keep showing yourself to be the stark-raving IDIOT that you are. My stomach turns over when I see his grinning face now. I personally cannot wait for Uma Thurman to speak up. By the tone of her voice and her carefully chosen words thus far, I’ll bet it went way, way beyond “watch me in the shower” or “how about a naked massage?” Ugh.

  10. Ally says:

    Note that comments like these stem from the fact that this moment is making him feel uncomfortable. It’s going to make him feel slightly awkward at work from now on. These comments are a sadly misguided attempt to bring that moment to an end.

    Meanwhile, his comments are all about: women, you need to deal with your decades/centuries of discomfort (and fear and assault) quietly and in private so things can go back to normal for me; call me if someone rapes you and you have incontrovertible proof (but maybe not if you’re a colleague).

    • Susannah says:

      This is so true! Damon’s great life and fun workplaces are now a little uncomfortable for him, probably makes him feel a bit self-conscious. Better to just shut this down now. You’ve had your time to talk ladies, now let’s go back to the way things were. Drop dead Matt Damon, that’s not happening anymore!

  11. Skylark says:

    I bet he’ll come back with another wounded mansplainin’ response to this response to his last piece of wounded mansplainin’.

  12. Samantha says:

    The repsonses by Minnie & Alyssa are great. But I don’t know why the other parts of Damon’s interview are not getting any backlash. I’ve seen many people say “he’s right, there IS a spectrum”. But besides downplaying the “lower” level acts, Damon said a ton of other BS too.
    He made up a hypothetical “false claim” scenario which mirros many abuse cases including Casey’s, predicted that Louis CK wouldn’t do it again, implied that the price Louis paid was too high/higher than his victims, downplayed things by the PC culture trope (culture of “outrage”), trivialised the situation by saying many are “just gross” and “we all have faults” (paraphrasing).
    He deserves to be dragged way more than he’s already been, and all parts of his interview need dissection; as a lesson in how not to be part of the sexual abuse problem.

  13. Sparkly says:

    I liked what both of them had to say. I’d actually forgotten how he’d broken up with Minnie Driver. Thanks for jogging my memory on that. I guess this is a case of once a douchebag, always a douchebag.

  14. Mabs A'Mabbin says:

    He puts throw up in my mouth.

  15. slowsnow says:

    I read Minnie Driver’s response in the Guardian this morning and it filled me with joy. These last months have been an emotional roller-coster and the fuc*er still does not understand.

  16. Marty says:

    Wait, I thought having four daughters was supposed to make him more sensitive to these kinds of issues? Does that mean…GASP… Matt Damon is full of shit?!

    Seriously though, he showed his ass a long time ago, but even I didn’t think he was this ignorant.

  17. Jellybean says:

    My husband didn’t quite understand why people were so angry about Matt Damon and I probably don’t help his lack of understanding. I use to work in a very male dominated and rather rough environment and when they came into my area there were strict rules: no racist jokes, no homophobic jokes, but if you want to make sexist jokes go ahead – if you dare! It led to a lot of fun on both sides and allowed me to be very firm on the other rules and establish my authority, even when I was dealing with rich and powerful men who had paid a lot to be there. So my husband doesn’t understand why an ‘honorary man’ like me is annoyed at Damon’s comment, let alone anyone else. To me, it is that he represents the people who present themselves as PC and righteous. Many of these people were fully integrated into the New York arts scene, where Weinstein mostly preyed. If anyone really knew what was going on it was them and yet for so long they got a free pass when people who were a bit rougher, who didn’t know how to construct a PC ready statement were shafted. Not totally on topic, but a classic example is Bradley Cooper, who was lauded for pledging to help the little ladies negotiate fair wages, despite the fact that he was a producer on American Hustle and had no problem before – I know he denied knowing about the pay difference until the Sony hack, but Amy Adams said she knew from the start, so I have no doubt Cooper is a liar, but no media outlet questioned him about it. So I am delighted that people are starting to call out hypocritical BS and if Damon is the figurehead for that process then so be it. Many, if not most men, who would never have accept aggression of any sort towards a woman, need to understand that hurt that is being inflicted in many other ways and that needs to stop, but their ignorance and discomfort doesn’t anger me; the smug, self-righteousness of people like Damon does.

    • slowsnow says:

      I know the being an “honorary man” strategy so well… It did allow me to know men a lot better and to appreciate the very very good men I have in my life. It does put you in a schizophrenic-like relationship with your own gender. Once, one of the men I worked with saw me from the back in a work party and asked a colleague “who is that?!” (my arse pleased him I guess). The colleague made a point in telling me and it cut me in two like a knife. On one side I was happy that the guy refused to see me as a potential love interest since we worked together but telling me the story still allowed him to say that they were talking about my arse and consequently me-who-wasn’t-me… I suppose it was also bait for me to say how flattered I was and perhaps even to test my availability. All this while my husband was a few feet away and worked with these guys and me… At the end of the day, it was all a very fragile façade.
      My following work environment was even worst. I was called “milf” in front of everyone, my husband included. I didn’t know what it meant at the time (I was a very young mum) and the guys proceeded to explain it in my face.
      I’m done with being the honorary bro.

      • Jellybean says:

        To be honest, I have experienced good and bad from men and women. I have male and female friends and I don’t feel a particular kinship to either gender – a friend is a friend. I am sorry you have experienced harassment at work. I have been employed mainly in two sectors, one was male dominated and rather macho and the other was a female dominated caring profession. The environments couldn’t have been more different, but in 30 years there was nothing really inappropriate. Maybe some professions or work environments attract insecure men or encourage chest-thumping?

  18. Wen says:

    Minnie has been waiting for this moment, hasn’t she?

    I’m glad Matt was so honest, because this needs to be exposed. It does not matter if he has daughters, or he’s married, or he has a sister. Men will never truly understand what women go through on a daily basis. But the conversation is finally happening.

  19. Jess says:

    Ugh, I haven’t liked Matt in a long time. He’s always been a tone deaf douche. I’m glad Minnie called him out, just going by the way he broke up with her tells us what kind of person he really is, selfish. Rich white men need to keep their fkng mouths shut and stop telling us how we should do things, but they honestly believe their opinion is just THAT important. I was disappointed in Tom Hanks too, he was my favorite actor.

    I’ve been trying to get my husband to stop doing things like this as well, he’s very liberal and was raised by his mother so he’s very pro women, but sometimes he says things that are so tone deaf and he honestly doesn’t realize what he’s doing is wrong until I tell him.

  20. Lucy says:

    I feel like this is incredibly selfish of me, but I’m heartbroken about this situation. I now know he’s not worth it, but after so many years of thinking he was a decent, sensible guy…yeah, I’m glad Minnie and Alyssa are calling him out.

  21. BooRadley says:

    Both Minnie and Alyssa spoke so eloquently, I think its great and hopefully he respects them enough to listen. He won’t though. He’s not the type. He may get enough backlash that he’ll issue a bullshit apology but he won’t get it. Everything he said in that problematic interview, the tone of condescension and man-splaining is exactly how I hear all cis-gendered straight men, of all races. Welcome inside the brain of this littlr lesbian. I swear this is how they all sound to me, I never understood how straight women put up with it. You say they are not all like this, but every single cis straight man I have ever met sounds exactly this condescending and “always right” toned to me. Always.
    Also side note Alyssa looks so freaking adorable, my goodness she is gorgeous. I remember her always being cute but now she looks practically flawless. Wow.

  22. Lena says:

    So glad that Minnie Driver spoke out. By the way, she is on an awesome show called speechless so if you want to support her, why not check it out? It’s a family sitcom and she plays the mom to three kids, one of them is disabled (and played by someone who really is disabled IRL). It’s funny and smart and she’s great in it.

  23. Nacho_friend says:

    How would rape victims feel if her/his trauma seemed somewhat minimized being lumped into the same catatgory of sexual abuse? Or victims of childhood sexual abuse etc? Yes we need to stand together and condem any and all of that behaviour, but I wouldn’t want to minimize rape trauma with smaller offences

  24. me says:

    It’s not just powerful white men…all men…of all races and sexual orientation, are capable of sexual assault. It happens in EVERY country.

  25. Deleted User says:

    ‘But right at this very moment, I’m sort of happy that someone of Damon’s stature in the industry is showing his ass. We can all point to him and say “this is the problem, this is why predators are enabled for so long, because this is how powerful white men really think.”

    Agree. It helps move the conversation forward in the public arena. I’d be interested to hear Leo’s thoughts on these issues but his twitter feed is focused on environmentalism

  26. Lindy says:

    You know, I so much wish that I could get together with other moms of young sons to just talk about what we can do to raise boys in this culture to be allies and feminists, respectful and thoughtful and sensitive and compassionate and brave. I’d want those things if I had a daughter as well but I feel a particular burden to raise my boys this way. It’s harder than it looks. Even small things (books and movies, ads and just the air we all breathe) add up to reinforce patriarchal culture every single day. And sadly there are so few men to point to as role models.

    • magnoliarose says:

      For relationships and men’s studies: http://mensstudies.org/
      I read it regularly, and it is fascinating. It is about men and feminism. Intersectional issues, transgender, mental health, violence, rape, complicity, etc.
      The American Men’s Studies Association:
      1. Supports and encourages research by scholars considering the complexities of gender, including minority, first-generation, people with disabilities, and other scholars who are members of historically oppressed groups and affirms the integration of academia with activism, clinical practice, and art.
      2. Asserts the importance of both discipline-specific and interdisciplinary approaches to critical analyses of men and masculinities.
      3. Encourages student development through participation and membership, offering scholarship and mentoring opportunities for young scholars in the field.
      4. Seeks the participation and membership of all individuals
      irrespective of gender identity, race, class, ethnicity, sexual orientation, physical abilities, nationality, or religious identity.
      5. Is committed to social justice struggles for historically oppressed groups.
      6. Affirms its commitment to feminist-informed policies, politics, and practices.
      Do not mistake Male studies for Men’s studies. Male Studies is MRA nonsense.
      There are a bunch of links and resources. I found some information about parenting sons, but the link was broken last time I tried it.

    • monette says:

      I totally agree! I would love to be part of that conversation.

  27. Mina says:

    Sadly, there’s a lot of people that think exactly like Matt Damon. Perhaps the difference between a guy exposing himself without your consent and raping you is the legal repercussions, but in terms of victim impact, only a victim can say and no one gets to tell them what’s worse than what.

  28. Anna says:

    ‘powerful white men’

    Yep, once again victims of none white men are diminished! I hate it. It’s not ‘white men’, it’s MEN. Personally I’ve had much more issue with none white men, but I would never say it’s ‘black men’ who are the problem. It’s men.