Terry Crews has had a busy month. Not only has he been speaking at various colleges and universities, but he’s had the emotional roller coaster with the fate of Brooklyn Nine-Nine. In addition to that *SPOILER* he appears in Deadpool 2. I know that’s not really a spoiler anymore because everyone is writing about it but apparently the information was on Marvel lockdown until the premiere. You can go here to find out why but that link has real SPOILERS. Last Wednesday, Terry promoted Deadpool 2 on The Daily Show. Of his 12+ minute interview, he mentioned the movie for about 1:30 mins total. I think that’s because he 1) still can’t say much about his role and 2) there is so much else to talk about with Terry. Trevor Noah asked about the B99 whirlwind, which is cute, but the majority of the interview dealt with Terry’s sexual assault and his advocacy for the #MeToo movement.
One of the big take aways from the clip is:
“Women have been talking about this for thousands of years, like ‘help us, help us,’ and men have turned off. It’s one of those things where they’ve stopped listening. What I’ve discovered was, when my story broke, it allowed people to see the times their lines got stepped on — you get tricked into thinking it’s part of the job… success is the warmest place to hide… successful people know that they can get away with this, it’s a qualifier for sexual assault.”
(Thanks to Pajiba for the transcription)
When Terry speaks out on sexual assault he always refers back to the #MeToo movement and the women who drive it. He’s only ever lent his voice to the cause, never tried to steal focus.
During the interview, Trevor Noah mentioned the Voice of Courage Award Terry was given at Safe Horizon’s 2018 Champion Awards. Terry’s daughter Azriel Crews presented it to him. In her presentation, she echoed something Terry said in both The Daily Show interview and his own acceptance speech, that he has had to earn back his family after years of toxic masculinity. You can watch Terry’s speech here. I’m late to the Terry Crews party so I didn’t know his history. I did not know the extent of the abuse Terry’s mom suffered at the hands of his alcoholic father and I had no idea how much of his life was filled with fear. I also didn’t know the extent to which his wife Rebecca was responsible for the change in him. When he was at his worst, Rebecca told Terry, “I’m done with you,” and was ready to walk away because of his behavior. All of this he related back to the #MeToo movement, singling out fellow honoree, #MeToo founder Tarana Burke. He likened her movement to The Emancipation Proclamation and described an assault victim coming forward as being, “like flying a plane from LA to New York, and you’ve never flown a plane before… and everyone asks ‘what took you so long?’”
Terry is a good advocate. And it’s not because he’s famous or attractive or funny or rich, it’s because he never loses sight that he is fighting with and for women and that it’s not his own personal agenda.
Photo credit: Getty Images and WENN Photos
Terry is an awesome voice for Me Too – because he’s forcing men to confront some tough things. Namely, that 1.) Yes, men – even big, strong, intimidating men – get assaulted, 2.) Somebody you know, probably a female person, has had this happen to them, and 3.) abusers most often get away with it because we let them.
I had an uncle who was arguing “Terry Crews is a huge guy, he could have fought back and put that guy in the hospital.” And I said “He shouldn’t have to.” And it turned into a conversation about how victims shouldn’t be expected to “fight back” because it’s not their fault in the first place, about shock and how you sometimes can’t respond and how pressure to say nothing works. So yes, he is starting conversations and helping things along.
Exactly, he is breaking stereotypes.
A guy who actually GETS it is so refreshing.
I watched the YouTube video of his acceptance speech and sent the link to my kids and husband. I am shaken and in awe. Thank you Mr. Crews.
The thing is, as much as I appreciate Terry, he’s like the ONLY guy really talking about this in a way that’s not complete trash, and men are so terrified of criticism they aren’t saying anything anymore. All I get from men is a global silent, uncomfortable shrug, and if a guy is approached now it’s like “My job is to listen,” but it’s a way of not participating or actually listening. Men do NOT seem engaged anymore and they seem super ready to go back to pretending this doesn’t exist.
In fairness, I have seen mixed messages on what men should do. I’ve seen women suggest that men DO shut up and let women control the discussion, I’ve seen others want men to engage much more. I think a lot of men ARE confused as to what their role should be. Terry is in a unique place because he is a victim, with his own story to tell. I also know a lot of guys who are saying “I am a decent guy, I don’t grope or assault or harass women, so what more can I do?” I like to engage the discussions more openly and say something like “I know you would never do something like this, but there are still things you can do – like not laughing at sexist jokes, don’t partake in media that devalues women, etc.” It’s a jumping off point. I think there are plenty of decent guys who are really just wanting a push to engage, but of course, some do wish it would just go away.
And I think, even if you are a decent guy, who would never assault a woman physically, you probably have made a woman uncomfortable once or twice in your life without even realizing it. I had this conversation with my husband, who couldnt believe, that every woman, EVERY SINGLE woman, has at least one of these stories to tell. This is how we all have been conditioned over hundreds of years. So it is hard to talk about it, because most men, won’t ever be able understand what it feels like, so whatever they say, can be wrong in either direction, and I do understand, that most don’t want to talk about it then, but they should NEVER STOP listening.
The world does not deserve Terry Crews. His humble approach to changing himself, his strength as an ally, his willingness to speak about an assault that many men would pretend never happened, to use his power and privilege for good, or his biceps.
Terry is a national treasure. He has taken a lot of abuse for speaking up, and never lets it stop him.
I cried watching this video clip, this man is awesome!!
Really like his response.
What a nice man.
I love this man and I’m still side-eyeing all of the current clients of his abuser. Just because you keep your head down doesn’t mean we can’t see you (cough, Emma Stone, cough).
“Success is a warm place to hide.”
This hit me right in the chest.
As a woman trying to navigate a break up with an incredibly wealthy man, this spoke to me on so many levels.
He has been an emotional vampire, an emotional terrorist and continues to hold me hostage. And he does it all from a place of elevated success. Knowing I cannot ever reach that level.
It is sick and insidious and I am SO glad Terry addressed this. Because it is such an abusive level of toxic masculinity. All toxic masculinity is abusive, of course, but this one just leaves you extra helpless and alone.
Thank you Terry and thank you for posting this.
Us women deserve better.
Good luck and blessings to each and every one of us. We will need it in this life.
Hang in there Laurita.
Thank you SlowSnow x
Hang in there girl
Thankfully there are some male voices in all this. The exact men who need to hear about the scope of sexual harassment are precisely the ones who will not listen to a woman’s perspective.
I have loved him since “White Chicks”; there is just something about him that is so charming and self-deprecating. I continue to respect and like him for speaking out in support of women and about “toxic masculinity.” I am sorry he had to experience sexual assault but I am glad he continues to talk about it and the #MeToo movement. People may think women can be ignored when talking about it, but people can’t ignore a loud, determined big man like Terry!