Madonna’s “bingo wings” & Jesus Luz’s temper tantrums

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Lord knows I’m a huge fan of Madonna’s Gristle. Her Gristle is soothing to me – it stands the test of time. What I mean is that Madge has put so much effort into her Gristle, her legs, her veiny man-arms and neck, I thought it would last forever. As it turns out, not so much. Madonna was photographed exiting a restaurant in Milan, waving to the crowd. She was wearing a sleeveless Dolce and Gabbana dress, and when she lifted her arm to wave, photographers got a several pictures of what the Daily Mail is referring to as “bingo wings” or “dinner-lady arms”. Otherwise known as “a little arm flab”. Meh. File this under Elle Macpherson’s “cellulite”. Although I’m sure the criticism will bother Madge, and she’ll start working out seven hours a day instead of five.

In other Madonna news, it seems that Jesus Luz is truly pissed that Madge and Guy Ritchie continue to repair their friendship. According to Gatecrasher, Jesus is just now realizing that he is little more than Madge’s “manny-with-benefits”. This is very similar to a story the Daily Mail had over the weekend - only Gatecrasher’s source gave this little gem, about how Madge feels about Jesus: “He’s pretty and she can boss him around. He’s good in bed. And he takes really good care of her kids. But as a life partner? No. He’s child’s play.” Ha!

According to a source, the 22-year-old Brazilian boy toy has become aware that his cougar-ific girlfriend doesn’t take him seriously now that her ex, Guy Ritchie, is back in the picture.

“Guy is around pretty frequently, and Jesus is becoming resentful,” the pal confides. “He feels inadequate. He’s intimidated by Guy’s accomplishments; they clearly aren’t equals.”

In addition, the male model is downright childlike when it comes to needing Madonna’s constant attention. “Jesus has gotten used to being her focus, and when Guy is around, that doesn’t happen,” says the friend.

While Luz adores Madonna’s kids – Lourdes, 12, Rocco, 8, David Banda, 3, and the newly adopted Mercy James, 4 – the source says all he’ll ever be to them is a manny figure, a big brother at best.

Ritchie has definitely been throwing his presence around: He visited Madonna and Mercy in London in late June, and even had a kabbalah day with the entire family. More recently, the two attended a U.K. party together. He’s also been palling around with Madge’s besties: He welcomed Justin Timberlake to his British pub, the Punchbowl, and hung out with Stella McCartney at a Prada benefit earlier this month.

Despite Ritchie’s reconnection with Madge, the “Sherlock Holmes” director and his former missus are truly done. “Still, Guy is still a part of her life and he always will be,” says the friend. “They were married for eight years, and they have three children together. Jesus doesn’t like it, but tough luck.”

Reps for Ritchie, Madonna and Luz didn’t respond to calls for comment.

So what does Madonna see in Jesus? “He’s pretty and she can boss him around,” says the source. “He’s good in bed. And he takes really good care of her kids. But as a life partner? No. He’s child’s play.”

[From Gatecrasher]

I think it’s nice that Guy and Madonna are getting close again, and I find it hilarious that Jesus is now the third wheel. I tend to think Jesus is going to stick around – he’s making a name for himself as a model, and the exposure he gets even being mentioned with Madge is priceless. Team Guy, though. Forever and always.

Madonna is shown with Jesus Luz and designers Domenico Dolce and Stefano Gabbana in Milan on 7/14/09. Credit: INFphoto.com and Kika Press, PacificCoastNews.com

 

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34 Responses to “Madonna’s “bingo wings” & Jesus Luz’s temper tantrums”

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  1. Jen says:

    What did she do to her face??? Wow, she is quickly approaching Jocelyn Wildenstein territory…yikes.

  2. sarahl says:

    OMG !! Look how her arm is dangling down ! So gross !

  3. Giz says:

    That’s a pretty creepy pic of Madonna. Looking her age.

  4. Bob Lawblaw says:

    Holy Plastic Surgery Madonna!

    I don’t remember seeing those cheek bones a week ago.

  5. javelin says:

    She looks great.. I like the soft Madge.

    Hope she invests in clutch purses, until her Brazilian boy-toy settles down.

  6. TaylorB says:

    “Bingo Wings”

    I LOVE that term. I vol at a local VFW for sunday/wed night bingo, we have a regular table of rather ‘stern’ octogenarian gals that we call the ‘Bayfield Mafia’, one day after they lost the coverall by one space they were throwing out all sorts of evil mojo and death stares to the poor fella who had the ‘nerve’ to acutally win, my fellow vol said ‘man the Bay Mafs are so pissed even their bingo wings have sprouted fangs’ I laughed so hard I darn near wet myself.

  7. danielle says:

    That is truly a hellacious picture of Madonna. Her face looks weird and tight – her body would look great for a 50 year olds if the face matched! Does she look a little like Faye Dunaway in that pic? Another gorgeous woman who shouldn’t have screwed around with her face!

  8. clare says:

    Why doesn’t she just embrace her femininity and age with grace? She could be the Mae West of our generation.

  9. CandyKay says:

    Amazing how she looks when her photos aren’t retouched.

    She is Michael Jackson’s age, and although she didn’t start as a child star, she’s had to deal with the same overwhelming level of fame. She seems to have handled it much better than he did.

  10. Cari says:

    “Bingo Wings” cracked me up. I’m borrowing that.

  11. BlueSkies says:

    Bingo wings blows bat wings out of the water

  12. Kikker says:

    That’s just limp muscle. She looks beautiful

  13. whatever says:

    She looks REALLY weird. Stop with the crazy plastic surgery!

  14. Kelly says:

    While I generally think she’s a jackass, come on people: she’s 50 freakin’ years old, forchrissake. Cut her some slack (like, in her arms).

    Although I suspect these photos have caused her to tack on 3 hours of tricep dips and overhead pulls to her already brutal daily workout.

    Hope Jesus is a gym rat.

  15. fizXgirl314 says:

    isn’t taht just her overworked tricep muscle?

  16. Butch says:

    I second kikker – muscles hang, duh! Still, her facial surgery is too obvious. I love her though. STOP THE SURGERY…okay?

  17. the original kate says:

    taylorb – thanks for your bingo story…i will be amused & horrified by it for the rest of the day!

  18. Listerino says:

    This is a prime example as to why you shouldn’t get plastic surgery people! Be happy with what you have – because plastic is NOT fantastic! Madonna’s face is a freak show now. I can’t stand looking at her.

  19. sandy says:

    hmm…
    it looks like jesus has had ALOT of manscaping done to his eyebrows recently.
    i barely recognized him

  20. hmmm says:

    WELL, SHE IS LIKE 60 YEARS OLD. I think she looks ok.

  21. anastasiabeaverhausen says:

    Yikes, she’s like an odd combination of gristle, flab and cheek implants. That isn’t pretty.

    Why not just age gracefully? Does anyone know how to do that anymore? Her face is seriously messed up.

  22. gg says:

    Damn the cheek implants look absolutely maudlin! She’s ready for her dinner lady closeup, Mr. DeMille.

  23. Ally says:

    I’ve never seen Jesus Luz look as excited to be with Madonna as he is to be standing next to Dolce (or is it Gabbana).

    I wonder why that might be…

  24. Bina says:

    Instead of making me think how old this makes Madonna look, it makes me think how young Jesus looks.

  25. Nony says:

    Her arms her fine. Her body is fine, or at least it would be if she allowed a little fat to smooth our those harsh lines and angles.

    Her face on the other hand, terrifies me. She has those huge cheek implants and no body fat at all to let them blend in to her face.

  26. Codzilla says:

    Yeah, the cheek implants are really gross. For some reason, that procedure, above all other cosmetic enhancements, really give me the creeps. Do they have to temporary peel her face off to get those things in there? Or do they insert them through an incision in her scalp? Ugh, nevermind. I don’t even want to know.

  27. Bob Lawblaw says:

    @codzilla

    from what a woman told me, who had just had them (this was 3 years ago, so maybe it’s different now)– they made an incision somewhere near the hairline, and then placed little plastic knobs where her new cheekbones would be– you know AFTER the trauma and swelling of having someone fish around in your face for a couple hours…

    I apologize for the extremely crude relay, I’m clearly not a surgeon.

    edit- after looking again, it almost looks like she had saline bags put in her face, holy crap. Madonna has face boobs.

  28. Codzilla says:

    Bob: Thanks for info, LOL. Actually, I really DID want to know, even though I knew the truth would freak me out. Sounds just as awful as I imagined.

  29. TaylorB says:

    While I agree with Codzilla that cheek implants are all sorts of creepy and other than facial reconstruction due to a genetic disorder, an accident, or some wild animal gnawing off your face, it is really unnecessary… I have to say that in the wheelhouse of most cringe worthy and pointless ‘beautification procedures’ Butt Cheek implants may be the current leader, or anal bleaching… that is a toss up.

  30. Bob Lawblaw says:

    Codzilla, I agree– the woman who had them was a very ridiculous and vain woman, at least Madonna waited until she was 50, this woman was maybe 30.

    TaylorB, you’re hilarious.
    Don’t forget calf implants, I think those might actually be worse than butt cheeks, at least butt cheeks have a functional purpose (keeping your pants up)– calf implants are pretty superficial.

  31. TaylorB says:

    BobLawblaw: “Don’t forget calf implants”

    Wait a second… ‘calf implants’? That may be the blue ribbon winner. That is just stupid. That is why the gods of fashion invented pants, so that those who have scrawney calves or cankles can cover them effectively for very little money.

  32. Codzilla says:

    Bob/Taylor: LMAO. I’d also like to add pectoral implants to that list. I saw a picture of some dude who had them, and they looked liked … I don’t even know what. A horror show is the only term that seems to fit.

  33. Party Bingo says:

    Your post style kind of impressed me. how you get ideas for the posts.