The other day, I heard someone refer to Ashley Graham as “that really overweight model” and I was just like “…wait, what?” I’ve always had a “??” thought bubble over my head whenever people claim that Ashley represents body positivity because she’s, like, so big. I never even thought she was that big, is my point. Yes, she’s bigger than most (very skinny) models, but I swear, if you ran into Ashley Graham in real life, you would probably find her normal-sized. Of course, Ashley plays into this idea that she’s so remarkable for being bigger and successful while being that size. Anyway, Ashley chatted with Vogue Australia recently about how she manages to stay so positive when everybody is like “OMG a normal-sized person, avert your eyes!” Some highlights:
How she stays positive even though everything is awful: “The biggest thing is how you use your words. I think a lot of people look in the mirror and they say ‘Oh, I’m sad’ or ‘I’m ugly, I’m stupid, I’m not worthy, or XYZ’. You have to really understand that your words have power and something I had to learn at a young age was affirmation.”
The power of affirmations: “When I was 17 my mum helped me make these affirmations ‘I am bold, I am brilliant, I am beautiful, I am worthy of all, and I love you’. Those are my affirmations and everybody’s affirmations are different, because everybody’s struggling with different issues.”
Have positive people around you: “I also think that your community is huge, whether you’ve got one friend or 20 friends, if those 20 friends are taking you down, it’s going to go quick, and the same with that one friend, so just make sure you’ve got positive people around you.”
She’s happy when you slide into her DMs: “I love hearing from fans, I love hearing just all the incredible different types of stories, I answer my DMs, it’s important to have a dialogue about, not just body diversity, but loving who you are, it’s not just about size, it’s about anybody, it’s about any race, gender, size, and religious background. It doesn’t matter, it’s just about loving who you are!”
I feel like a lot of celebrities have been talking about affirmations lately, and in the grand scheme of things, affirmations are pretty harmless. I mean, when I talk to myself or try to give myself a pep talk, I’m usually calling myself a “dumb bitch” somewhere in there, so maybe I need to get on the affirmations-train (hey, sometimes I call myself a “glorious bitch” too, so yay). I also think they’re probably helpful for men and women who make made bad decisions because of low self-esteem, and it’s a way to remind themselves that they’re worthy of better, that they deserve better. Of course, the endgame of this is that some of those affirmation-spouting people turn into narcissistic Goop-monsters who can’t even handle justified criticism.
Photos courtesy of Backgrid.
I do affirmations too “I’m beautiful, youthful and healthy” is like my little chant. I also never say anything bad about myself out loud. When friends or coworkers complain about their flaws and expect me to join in, I never do. You have to respect yourself so others do too.
I have a negative inner voice always creeping in telling me all sorts of bad things about myself but over the past few years I’ve tried to replace it with, “I’m strong, I’m smart, and I’m a good person.” Seems to be working.
Yes, the Inner Critic plagues almost everyone. Mine usually seems to sound almost exactly like my dad (imagine that).
My therapist said that the Inner Critic is trying to help/protect us, but it comes across in an unintentionally unkind/unhelpful manner. She also recommends speaking back to it. As it is a part of the self, she says it’s better to be gently firm. Ultimately it is a protector part of you.
Being kinder to ourselves is something I think many people could use. The mean people aren’t generally kind to themselves either. The kind people are kind to most everyone.
Affirmations and trying to be positive most of the time has helped me a lot, since I used to suffer from depression. I learned to love myself and many positive things have changed since then. It does affect your life long term
While I get Ashley’s overall point, how are we to feel good on days when we’re not beautiful or all that brilliant? Our self esteem cant be determined by those things or we’d be riding a roller coaster day to day. We are all enough even when we’re not brilliant or beautiful. I’d never describe myself as brilliant, no one should feel obligated to be brilliant to feel good that’s an insanely high pedastal to fall from
She is very pretty but she is much larger than a sample size model and LOT of people troll her for it so I get why she feels like she is a voice for body positivity.
The issue i have with affirmations is that they encourage black and white thinking. If you aren’t beautiful, what are you? Ugly. If you aren’t brilliant, what are you? Stupid. If you aren’t bold, what are you? A pushover.
Affirmations don’t allow for exceptions, and long term, they don’t work for everyone. It’s okay to not look your best all the time, and it’s okay to not be conventionally attractive. It’s okay to not be the smartest person in the room, and it’s okay to make mistakes. It’s okay to pick your battles, and it’s okay to lose some.
I’m not ragging on Ashley, if affirmations work for her, that’s great! But often times we need to remind ourselves that we can’t be all things at all times, and that we fork up just like everyone else. It doesn’t make us less.
I’ve tried to use affirmations to help with my depression and found – in my case at least -that they make things worse because I feel like I’m actively lying to myself. But I also know they make a world of difference to some other people.
Also this is not meant to criticize Ashley, but if I saw her on the street I would not think she was normal-sized. But maybe that depends on the average size of people in your city and state. I live in a relatively “fat” state but in the largest city in it, and I don’t see people her size on a regular basis.
Thats the unfortunate thing, though. Sometimes when you are used to seeing people of a certain size, when you do see them it stands out to you. (Not in a critical way, just something you observe mindlessly).
I wish we lived in a world where no one noticed things like that.
I cannot stand affirmations. They make me want to smash things to smithereens.
I’m sort of in agreement with you 🤔. I don’t think I can tell myself in the mirror that I am beautiful, mega- intelligent and direct, distinctive words. But I can look in the mirror and think, ‘ Yeah, I look nice today’ or ‘ Yeah , my energy level is up and I’m gonna get things done!’
If I did use affirmations, it would be more along the lines of reassuring myself of being ‘strong’ and to not lose my ‘ creativity ‘.
If I looked in the mirror and told myself I was ‘ beautiful ‘ and ‘ mega brilliant ‘, I would just burst out laughing 😆