Jenna Dewan was a guest on the Dear Gabby podcast, with author and motivational speaker Gabby Bernstein. Gabby has written a bunch of books on spiritual practices and motivation. From what I gathered she’s online friends with Jenna, who has read all her books. Jenna is getting the most headlines for saying that Channing Tatum wasn’t around after the birth of their daughter, Everly, eight. Jenna has since had another child, son Callum, 16 months, with fiance Steve Kazee. I listened to the podcast and came away with such respect for Jenna. She mentioned so many things I could relate to, and I also enjoyed hearing from Gabby. Here’s some of what Jenna said:
On how her friends were ignoring covid restrictions
I just felt like it was my responsibility to be pretty covid cautious. I was not seeing that in my day to day life. I was having a lot of friends and people that I thought were similar and spiritual and like-minded who were not living that way. It was messing with me big time. I thought ‘Am I just in fear? What’s going on? How am I the only person who is really taking it super serious and protecting my family?’ There was a period of time when people I knew didn’t believe that masks worked. You feel judgy, it doesn’t mean you have to agree and continue a relationship, but you have to give people the space to be where they’re at. It was a very hard lesson.On maintaining boundaries and being empathic
Boundaries are the thing I work on the most in life. Whether that is with my kids, my partner, work friends. It’s just a constant thing for me. I’m a lover not a fighter. I’ve also had to start learning the difference between codependency and being sensitive and empathic. I give out so much energy in order to create harmony so I feel safe. Then I’m drained. Boundaries are difficult for me but I’ve learned them. You have to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. That was a huge lesson for me. When I set a boundary, when I’m radically honest, I’m always so blown away by how people respond, by how the universe responds.She was asked if she had postpartum depression with her second baby
Not so much this time around. With Evie because I had her in London and had to go back to work… in Vancouver, I had to travel with her. At the time, Chan wasn’t available to be with us. It was me, my doula and Evie traveling when she was 6-7 weeks. I went right back to work, thinking ‘Ok I think I can do it. It will be two months after I’ll be able to have her on set.’ That was really hard. It was two months after I did have her on set constantly. It was just really difficult. I had a lot of postpartum anxiety. I just never stopped. You’re working all day, breastfeed, pumping, without a partner. It was just craziness. This time around I was so grounded. Even though the world was crazy I was home and in this love nest.
I found myself nodding when they talked about how their friendships have changed with people who didn’t take the pandemic seriously. Plus they both said they made friends online, which is true for me too! I love you guys. There was so much more I got out of this conversation, particularly when Jenna and Gabby talked about teaching children that they’re not responsible for other people’s feelings. That’s a lesson I still have to learn too.
As for what Jenna said about Channing, it’s not so bad in content, right? She didn’t shade him, she just described their circumstances after having her first baby. Jenna admitted that she thought she could go back to work no problem and that it was so much harder than she imagined. It sounds like they had an agreement for their careers that didn’t work out the way they expected. From what we can see they’re doing fine coparenting. Plus Jenna just seems so committed to happiness and spirituality that I doubt there are any hard feelings.
Photos via Instagram
I believe her. I can’t say I know the couple but when they got divorced it seemed like Jenna realized Channing was always going to take her for granted. I followed that divorce pretty closely and it did seem like her choice and it seemed like she did it because she wasn’t getting the love and support from Channing that she needed and she had to accept that she needed a better relationship.
Channing…I’ve always put him in the same category as Ben Affleck. He’s talented and a professional on the job but he’s an absolute self-centered trainwreck in the real world but his PR folks are pro and know how to make him look good.
A lot of men aren’t the fathers they think they are.
Amen to that
True, but this time she was at home and in a “love nest” because of COVID lockdown. We don’t know whether she would have been travelling for work without her partner to support her. Clearly she and Channing didn’t work out how they were going to handle work (I’m assuming her was away on set somewhere) thing after the baby was born, which is poor planning and communication.
This.
A friend of mine comments often that men think as long as they’re better than their fathers, they’re doing fine.
“I was having a lot of friends and people that I thought were similar and spiritual and like-minded who were not living that way. It was messing with me big time.”
I relate to this a lot. I’m very grateful to this Celebitchy community because you guys often feel like the only people who are like-minded and continue to take the pandemic seriously.
“I’m very grateful to this Celebitchy community because you guys often feel like the only people who are like-minded and continue to take the pandemic seriously.”
I have friends who took it very seriously when things were still shutdown, but are so casual about it now that I start to worry that I’m turning into a paranoid doomsdayer or something. It makes me feel more sane when I read here that other people are continuing to take precautions, even if fully vaccinated.
I live in central Virginia and my husband is a doctor who takes care of in-hospital Covid patients. Despite being vaccinated, and legally free to go unmasked in public for months, he has continued to wear a mask when out and about, as have I and our kids (ages 16 and older) as well. We still limit what we do/where we go, and when we do go out, we’re fully masked, keeping our distance, and mega hand sanitizing. When in doubt, ask healthcare professionals who are caring for Covid patients what precautions *they themselves* are taking in their personal life.
Husband said yesterday that in the past two weeks, the Covid inpatient unit has gone from 2 patients to 30, the vast majority of whom are younger and otherwise healthier than the initial older and often immunocompromised patients. It’s a bad sign that our area is seeing this kind of increase in serious infection rates—we tend to run several weeks, if not months, behind the rest of the country in pretty much every trend. (Then again, our well-stocked vaccination center shut down completely over 2 months ago with only 40% of our area being fully vaccinated because nobody else could be convinced to get the shot.) We have several small local colleges and universities with returning students over the next several weeks, all of which are requiring proof of vaccination. Unfortunately the outlier
of the schools is massive Liberty University, which is *not* requiring Covid vaccination—that will surely have local impact.
Absolutely. This is a wonderful community and it is so nice to see people from all over the world come together and how seriously everyone was taking Covid.
I was really fortunate that almost all my close friends were/are taking Covid really seriously. In Canada, vaccines have been widely available and that has been such a godsend. The people who were lax about Covid(largely some of my old social media friends from high school), I have had to cut out.
Nice to see Jenna so happy and open and I admire how she has handled her divorce so much.
Agreed. With us it was mostly family members like parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles, etc. They all live in different states than us so we were never in a position to have to decline hanging out, but we would have. I totally relate to what Jenna says here. This caused me a lot of bitterness and anxiety about my relationships with some people. It honestly helps to know that others have felt so similarly.
I feel this so much, especially with the disconnect now with some people acting like the risk has passed.
Some people are trying to put pressure on me for still being cautious, with some hand waving and trying to say it’s anxiety. It made me start to question whether I was being extra about it.
But then the breakthrough clusters started happening and there are reports of vaccinated health care workers getting it, and I’m a care giver for my 90 year old mother who is vaccinated but would be at great risk if she ever got infected, I Idecided I’m comfortable continuing to mask up, stay socially distanced, not going to restaurants etc.
It’s about lowering risk, risk will never be 0% and you’ll make yourself crazy trying to get there. But, comparing it to driving, I’m going to choose to never get in a car with a drunk driver and not drive drunk myself, because it’s an easy way to reduce my risk of being in an accident, or causing one that could hurt others. Yeah, some drunk drivers make it home okay and sober people can have car crashes too, so my accident risk will never be zero, but the risk is lower than with drunk drivers.
And all that has nothing to do with anxiety, it’s just common sense and trying to keep myself and others safe. People who try to shame or bully me about my choice are probably people I don’t want to hear from right now.
I know exactly what she means. Fortunately I had a few friends who took it as seriously as I did-but so many who didn’t. Usually I really try the “stay in your own lane” philosophy because I know that how other people live doesn’t impact me. But with covid-how people live absolutely DOES impact everyone else. So I was feeling so depressed and angry about choices I saw other people making. I got off social media completely because I was becoming so anxious and enraged.
I know exactly what you mean. Add that to the endless guilt tripping of “why don’t you want to see us? we haven’t seen in you so long? we’ll be good for the meeting?” is just exhausting. It ends up being better not to go see them then see them and spend the whole time stressed because they’re not taking it as seriously.
ie: I want to stay masked in doors, but my extended family constantly trying to get me (and my children) to take off my mask and eat after I told them no several times. Now I no longer go see them.
I’ve had exactly the same problem with friends not taking Covid as seriously as I did and me feeling very angry and judgmental about it. I still don’t know how to let go of my anger about what I see as people’s denial and willful stupidity. Part of it will have to go because I live in FL and am about to send my three kids back to school (only 1 vaxxed) with no masks. It’s time for me to accept that this is our reality and there’s nothing I can do to change the minds of millions of people. I just have to go with the flow as best I can and be grateful for each day that my family is healthy.
Sorry for the screed, but I’ve been struggling with this the last few weeks, and I needed to express it to someone other than my therapist!
I can’t even imagine what you’re going through down in FL! What a tough situation.
My husband and I dumped a long-time friend over COVID – he was saying it was a hoax, he would throw big parties, kept on dating, and going to this private bar in our town (VFW) – and we couldn’t deal with him. I know exactly what you’re talking about with the anger and judgment.
Here’s to hoping you and your family stay safe and healthy!
I am right there with you–Florida girl here too. I have a few coworkers, who are also friends, who have not taken this seriously. One of them tested positive a couple weeks ago–the queen of the big mouths against the vaccine–and she infected 3 other coworkers (2 of them unvaccinated). It’s very, very frustrating to witness. I have 2 kids and they are not old enough to get the shot and are about to go back to school next week. I’ve already told them they will be wearing masks, even if they are the only 2 kids there with them.
Another FL girl here and I feel this 1000%. I have had to step back from staying informed because my rage for our governor, his cronies and their actions is beyond words. I have 3 kids 12+, all vaccinated, and they are every bit as upset as I am. It’s so unbelievably difficult to help teens navigate these waters (without just being straight ugly about everything).
Friends didn’t take covid seriously and that p!$$ed me off. I stayed with my family and was happy not to be aggravated by other people’s choice, although it ends up affecting us all. For Channing, it was probably men being providers and mothers mothering with professional ambitions too. I loved these two but it’s hard to build a family with a partner who doesn’t understand the mental load of women today, or is not willing to bend their personal ambition to share a more peaceful and joyful family life together outside work, which is actually real real life. At the end of it all, the legacy of blockbuster movies is really nothing compared to what you could’ve created with and for your family and not worth the sacrifice of family for money fame celebrity and milking it while u can. I hope Jenna and her husband are happy and living their best life.
Most dads like to be near their babies. His lack of curiosity about his own offspring is strange.
My husband wasn’t super-enthused with the newborn stage either time, and I don’t think that’s incredibly unusual; he loved them and cared for them, but the bond intensified once they were a little older. The baby is a total stranger that you have to get to know; moms who gestate get to do that over the 9 months that the baby is growing, but (especially with our first!) the concept of “dad-to-be” was a little esoteric and conceptual. He wasn’t a dad on Sunday, then on Monday, baby! Going from none to one was a huge adjustment for both of us; I think we both thought we’d fit the baby in around our lives way more than you’re able to at first. Or way more than I felt equipped to do at first. Nobody knows how they’ll respond to parenting until they’re in the trenches, and I can totally see this as a best-laid-plans type of scenario. She thought it would be easy to be on-set with a newborn, and he kept a work commitment (I assume.) Hindsight is 20/20 and he seems to be an engaged, fully present dad.
I’ll definitely have to give this one a listen. Sounds very validating to some thoughts I’ve had swirling around and I love Gabby Bernstein.
Her talk about struggling with boundaries is what really has hit home for me. I also give too much of myself to everyone else, and I’ve never figured out why, but maybe it’s to create that harmony and feel safe like Jenna mentioned. I need to listen to this podcast and see if it helps me with my work on setting boundaries (and modeling that good behavior for my kids).
@Jess you should watch all those Oprah segments on youtube about boundaries and how to say no. I also learned in that process to answer the question “what do you want”, so you know what the boundaries for you are. Good luck!
We made a decision as a family not to get COVID. We followed all the guidelines and got the vaccine as soon as we could. But most of my relatives voted for Trump and they’ve all had it. Even now, many of them are anti-VAX. They figure they have antibodies.
Mask wearers are less likely to get colds too. That’s been wonderful.
Peering at his IMDB, Channing had 5 movies come out in 2013 and 4 in 2014 so depending on the filming schedules I could see that he wouldn’t be home. Esp if she was like-I’m going back to work no problem you should to! I got this!
She wasn’t shading him, just realizing it wasn’t the best idea to keep working in retrospect. +
Have a feeling the ‘spiritual’ friends Jenna refers to who refused to take COVID seriously probably include Kimberley and James van der Beek. Recall seeing pics on Instagram of a wedding they hosted at their ranch in Texas (where they moved to be surrounded by the anti-vaxx community) back when we were all still supposed to be in lockdown. No distancing, no masks, and presumably no vaccinations…
The pic of her fiance and their son is wonderful. I also love the pic of Jenna with both kids. She seems so much happier now than I’ve ever seen her in the past.
I really liked what she had to say about boundaries and codependency. Those are things I struggle with as well, but learning as I go.
It seems that now that their daughter is older, they’ve made the decision to show her face. They used to never post pictures of her face.
I’m sure Channing is a great dad, but they didn’t plan that first few months well.