Amanda Seyfried is covering Net-A-Porter and their editorial is sexy! They have a photo of her in white bikini bottoms and a yellow knit sweater that made me go “damn.” They also have a video interview with her in which she’s wearing minimal makeup. Amanda has a blunt, matter-of-fact personality. I have mixed feelings about her in that I like her as an actress but find her a little grating. She reminds me of a friend I had in high school who was strikingly beautiful and unapologetically odd. There was no awkwardness with her despite how weird she was, she was just herself. In the interview, Amanda talks about her career, her work ethic and her personality. She says outright that she’s not entitled at all, which is like calling yourself “cool” right? I don’t know if you’re the person to make that decision. Here’s some of that interview, with more at the source:
She works hard and isn’t entitled
I’ve never gone a day without feeling like I’ve worked really hard… I have no entitlement. I mean, I’m entitled to respect, I think; we all are. But I have no entitlement issues. I have many strokes of luck and a lot of hard work and a lot of being in the right place at the right time. I understand all of that.’On playing Elizabeth Holmes and her goals for her career
You’ve done all this preparation and it’s muscle memory now; you’re already walking and talking differently, so you’re halfway there. Now, you just gotta have the emotion behind it as the character. It’s so fun. And maybe it’s just that I was born to play that type of person, who walks like that and talks like that, maybe it’s a one-off. But I don’t think it is. I want to be a character actor and I want to play different people.On being nominated for things
It’s kind of surreal that we’re here now, that we got nominated, and I got nominated; I got singled out. I didn’t spend any part of my career singled out, ever. [I had] no expectation of being singled out, and that’s partly my self-deprecating nature. Never expecting anything great, preparing for the worst, but just continuing to walk on my path.On not being discouraged by rejection
When I meet somebody who’s younger, like in their twenties, and they get rejected… by a job or something like that, it crushes them completely for a minute. Nothing can crush me completely, when it comes to work. I’m uncrushable! Not one thing can crush my life, unless it has to do with my family.On being confident
Obviously, being a parent changes your perspective on things, but it’s not just that. It’s finally coming to the point of, it’s OK to be proud of your work. It’s OK to be proud, it’s OK to have confidence – it’s actually really important.The first time she recognized her own power
I knew just how powerful I was when my first baby squeezed out of my body. Now the human is like this tall and it’s the most empowering thing ever.
I like that she says she wants to be a character actor and that’s a goal for her. She’s very skilled at it and can play all types of characters. Amanda was mesmerizing in The Dropout and I also particularly loved her in Mama Mia 2. Like I said she’s not my favorite person, but she owns her quirkiness and she’s very much an artist. She’s also dead honest and open and I admire that in a person. As for her thoughts about recognizing her power when she’d given birth, that was interesting to me because I’ve never considered it as something amazing I did. Having a child was just a hard thing I had to get through regardless of how I felt about it. Countless other women have done that too. Maybe we should be taking more credit for it. It sounds like Amanda is making sure she takes credit for the sh-t she does.
photos credit: Net-a-Porter, Avalon.red and via Instagram
As someone who cannot physically have children due to a chromosomal condition, please, do not brag about how powerful you are to pop out babies. That’s just hurtful to those who don’t have that power due to circumstances beyond our control.
This. There is a very real, gross and weird thing around “better than” when it comes to having kids.
And it doesn’t matter if it’s out of one’s control or not. It’s also a *choice* to not have kids for many. An empowering one, too.
I know so many women who hold this attitude, and act like they are the first person in history to give birth/be a parent. .
There’s almost a fetishization around having kids. Over it. Very.
Fetishization. That’s a great description of that judgmental mom energy around specifically giving birth. It’s so obnoxious and speaks to insecurity in my opinion. I know a old friend who has had 4 children and she has that judgmental aura about her. And I’m like “Really? We’re supposed to be jealous of your bad marriage and you not even liking your husband?”
Seriously?
I am sorry about your situation, and I can be okay with this actor’s response to her experience of having bore a child.
Can’t both happen and be emotionally experienced?
I honestly don’t think that’s what she meant to say. It sounds very much like she was never really sure of herself and has now finally recognized that she’s capable of so many things. For many women that’s motherhood/giving birth.
For me personally, it was a recent health issue that lead to surgery. For someone who was deathly afraid of needles, it was a challenges that ended with me being able to inject myself without assistance.
Anyone who’s a diabetic etc. will think I’m being ridiculous but I came out of it thinking girl, you never thought you could do this but you did. What else is possible?
Emmi, I agree with your analogy. As someone who has given birth and gone through major surgery, it took a lot of strength – mental and physical – to get through both experiences.
She shouldn’t be allowed to talk about her personal experiences because of your personal experience? I have a big issue with that, and I’m sure I’ll get jumped on because it has to do with infertility but she’s not talking about you, you can’t take that personally and take it out on other people. She’s not throwing it in your face, she’s sharing her feelings. The headline was pretty clear and you knew childbirth would be discussed. She didn’t say women who don’t give birth aren’t powerful, but it was a powerful moment for HER.
I’m extremely sensitive to this kind of thing because years ago I met a friend of a friend at a hockey game and she was asking me a bunch of questions, my daughter was about 9 months old at the time but she wasn’t with me, this woman asked if I had any kids and I said yes one but she was with her grandfather and he loved babysitting her, so I then asked her if she had any, she snapped back and said, “kids or a father, because I’m in infertile and my dad died years ago, but thank you SO much for bringing that up”, then turned her head away and didn’t say another word. I was shocked, people in our group turned around with their eyes wide not knowing what to say. I felt so bad I had to step away and cry, it was 13 years ago and I still get upset thinking about it, but at some point I got really pissed off at her, I did nothing wrong!! SHE opened the door with kid questions, knowing it was a painful topic for her, then attempted to guilt me for having a child, and my father. It’s the same thing when women get angry at moms for complaining about being exhausted by their children, “well if I was lucky enough to be able to have children I sure wouldn’t complain”.
I don’t even like Amanda because of how her relationship came to be, but damn.
True dat @Jessica.
Totally agree, Jessica. Amanda isn’t putting down those who can’t or choose not to have children — she’s just talking about her personal experience, and that’s great!
I have a disability that prevents me from doing a lot. Couldn’t play sports or take dance lessons growing up, etc. But I never, ever would take other people enjoying those things as rubbing it in my face. People are allowed to talk about their lives and enjoy things, even if everyone doesn’t experience life the same way.
Agreed. It’s not Seyfried’s job to take care of literally everyone else’s feelings. She gave an interview, she was honest and charming – the end.
@Jessica, thank you for the personal anecdote. I think we all can’t help but frame other people’s experiences around our own circumstances, but it isn’t fair to take it out on someone who has no idea what you’re going through. I’m sorry your innocuous question got such a harsh and unforgettable response.
@Rapunzel, I’m so sorry and thank you for sharing as well. I hope you’re able to realize your dreams in other ways, but understand how hard it must be to have that door be closed to you.
I didn’t read Amanda’s tone as bragging. I guess I understood what she was saying because I am also a mom of two and even when it’s an “easy” or “smooth” birth, it never feels easy or smooth. I was overwhelmed by the sheer level of energy and athleticism that I needed in order to push out my kids, even with epidurals. Even though none of us are the first to give birth (duh), it is nonetheless an “experience” to say the least, and I felt similar to how I did when I first got my period: “wow, can’t believe we all went through/are going through this crazy, often hidden/buried experience.” Some people find it empowering, some find it traumatic, but it’ll never be just another Tuesday for anyone.
Ah Jessica. I love your posts and I’m so sorry that happened to you. It sounds like you met a complete jackass. And I say that because, I get the feeling you are not the first person she “set up to cuss out” by bringing up kids herself and waiting for the other person to return the question (usually out of sheer politeness because they themselves were asked), only to respond with rudeness and pounce on the person for asking what she herself just asked.
Usually when people bring up kids, it’s because they want to talk about their own. If it’s a painful subject they don’t bring it up. I don’t bring up marriage or kids, unless the other person opens the door to it and she definitely did that asking you about kids. I don’t know this woman, but I can tell you from your story, I’ve concluded she’s a jerk who bullies people, loves drama, and loves conflict even more. She had no business treating you or anyone else this way. If she didn’t want the subject brought up, she could have easily shut her trap about it. Stories like this really make me mad.
On a completely different note, I was hoping Finn would show up in these pics cause I love Amanda’s dog and her relationship with him. I bet Finn is a great big brother to his human sibling.
I am really sorry about your struggle! However, other people’s struggle cannot erase some people’s sense of accomplishment. Let’s not make birthing a shameful thing we can’t talk about because some people are not able to conceive naturally. I understand your reaction if she had said that “All Women Bla Bla Bla”, but she shared a private experience which is unique to her. I agree with the writer that women are silenced in ways that are unbelievable; not many women say they feel strong after giving birth because it is something society tells them it’s their job to do. I think we’re in a totally different territory and I for one find it really compelling the way she talks about it, without gendering (some trans men can birth and it is also an immense strength that is considered freaky by most) and without making it a universal experience for everyone.
I felt it was just right the way she said it and I am happy for her although I had terrible birth experiences that did not make me feel the way she describes, far from it.
Ugh yes, “my body was made for this”, and bonus “finally know what it means to love” rhetoric can fuck right off.
Sorry Amanda, still love your work!
She didn’t say those things.
I am really sensitive to that sort of holier-than-thou mom rhetoric, but she doesn’t do that here — she makes the comment entirely about her own experience. The problem is when people make generalizations like, “being a mom is the hardest thing you can ever do.” Like, no it is not.
Those who give birth can speak about the experience and its impact on us. Your situation is just that, your situation. Having a baby is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I almost died having my son, so not speaking about it bc you unable to have kids is centering yourself in everyone else’s experience. Infertility sucks, I suggest therapy to deal with the trauma, not policing others to try to force them to not discuss their experiences.
As I read that article for some reason, all I could think of was her in Mean Girls as she squeezed her boob giving the forecast – in the rain – and saying it was raining.
I always laugh just thinking of that scene. I had breast cancer and that breast lets me know when the weather is about to change.
Of course she’s entitled. She’s a white wealthy attractive woman. She’s worked for success but some was granted because of what she presents. As for bragging about popping out her baby, she should be grateful that she isn’t a Black woman in America who experience maternal mortality two to three times higher than that of white women.
She is most certainly awkward mixed with arrogant.
This.
Wow. Like, I get what you’re trying to say, but it’s still gross and offensive.
What’s gross? That she’s rich and entitled and saying that she’s not entitled? What exactly?
So, she can’t talk about birth because she is rich and white?
She obviously can talk about her child birth. She should however think about how she DOES entitlements that other women do not have and stop denying them.
People are so quick to get offended. She clearly didn’t mean that you’re lesser or not powerful if you cannot have a child naturally.
I have the utmost sympathy for anyone who longs for a child and cannot have one. That said, I am incredibly proud of giving birth to my two boys, it is literally the proudest achievement of my life. Actually giving birth is SCARY and TOUGH. Afterwards you do get a feeling of “Woah, I can’t believe I did that!” and it has absolutely changed my attitude to my (slightly overweight) body as I am super grateful and proud of what it did.
Does that mean I think I am “better” or “more powerful” than anybody who hasn’t had a child? Hell no! That is like saying to somebody who has run a marathon “you can’t be proud of yourself because some people are disabled and cannot run”.
I agree. People can talk about their individual experiences and how they were empowered by them. I had two kids without an epidural, and my daughter is a doula (planning to become a midwife) who has attended a lot of births. She’s seen a lot. Giving birth is hard and can be scary. We don’t know what Amanda’s birth experience was. Maybe it was tough and harrowing. If she felt a sense of “wow, I can’t believe I got through that” when one of her kids was born, what of it?
I think she was just talking about how age and experience can change your perspective on what you can handle and what you’re capable of doing. And experiences vary. This was one of hers. Others might have served in the military, climbed mountains, climbed their way out of a dark emotional state and managed to thrive, etc.
it wasn’t meant as a dig at people who haven’t given birth.
Bizarre thing to say as that’s just nature and biology. She didn’t do anything. I feel the doctors who save countless of lives of women and men in hospitals are the ones who should feel powerful.
Also I know many powerful women (and men) who have not given birth. I feel like she knows she’s just another average privileged white woman who got lucky in life and she has to create her own significance as to why she’s “special”.
I…don’t feel powerful because I gave birth a bunch of times. Women have been having babies since the beginning of humanity and in much more difficult circumstances than what most 21st century women experience.
I like anyone who knows who they are and are unapologetically themselves. THAT is power, at least to me. Childbirth is biology. Some of us can do it easily and, unfortunately some of us struggle or it remains impossible. Humans who have difficulty aren’t inherent more powerful than those that can’t. I understand that she was only speaking for herself, but it is so easy to extrapolate that if you cannot (or don’t want to) bear children you’re not powerful.
Yes, TF you are. All of us are bad bitches in some way. For me personally, just shooting a baby out of my birth canal didn’t make me feel anything special. Years later, I am so proud of the people my children are becoming. I wouldn’t say it makes me feel powerful, but I do have confidence that I didn’t have before.
Thank you for posting that. Yes, we all are badass bitches. We all have our struggles.
I was depressed years ago after having my first because he was C section and I could not nurse fully. I felt depressed. The batshit crazy lactation consultants didn’t help.
Do I feel less powerful because mine were Csections??? No. I feel powerful because I am a role model. I make mistakes and admit them and I apologize to people (also to my kids). And I see that my parents made mistakes but tried the best they could. That makes me powerful.
This is so incredibly well-said, VivaAviva.
Such ingrained mysoginy OMG. Birthing is just biology? Wow. This is ish that belongs in a Handmaid Tale episode. Giving birth is super scary, many women still die (in particular WOC) and lots of things can go wrong. It is painful, violent, and it takes a toll on the body. It changes our hormonal balance, it enlarges the uterus months after it happens. It is beautiful but it should never ever be taken for granted, as it should not be deified and turned taboo.
But most of all, it should be a conversation where people were allowed to have different opinions and acknowledgements except for indifference and downplaying other people’s experience. The only thing not allowed is making other women feel bad because they can’t or don’t want to give birth. And the women who build their identities around it, it’s their right and as long as they don’t make you feel bad for it or their kids, stop judging.
+1
I agree.
That old saying “a pregnant woman has one foot in the grave” is not inaccurate.
Now, of course Seyfried is not going to be undergoing the difficulties and dangers of say, a low-income Black woman, but her statement doesn’t relate to that kind of phenomenon.
I’m super disappointed by some of these comments. I don’t want kids and one reason is that I do NOT think pregnancy and birth are easy. The opposite! Oh my god.
Er, have you ever given birth? I can assure you that there really is quite a lot to do.
Well put Jo. We all have different life experiences that spark different feelings—whether it’s strength, courage, power, etc. I understand having compassion for those who are unable to give birth, as I struggled with infertility for years. When I finally had a child, I made a decision to not post anything on social media. I remember how it felt to see pregnancy photos and babies on my FB feed when I was struggling. I still don’t post anything about my child, for fear it is perceived as “bragging”. I realize that may sound extreme for some people, but it’s complicated to even explain. That said, to say that people who give birth “didn’t do anything” is an uninformed statement for the reasons Jo mentioned. The whole pregnancy, birthing and post-natal recovery can be a traumatic physical and challenging experience (acknowledging it’s not the same for everyone).
Before stating that it’s “natural” or merely “biological” it would be worth exploring what exactly you mean by that. It really dismisses the efforts of pregnancy, childbirth, etc. While we don’t need to glorify giving birth, taking the extreme opposite point of view is not helpful either. In fact, it’s quite dangerous. I mean, don’t many Americans get lousy maternity leave right now? But hey, who cares. You had a baby. You didn’t DO anything. Why would you need more than a week or two off before you’re back at work?
Just wow.
Oh, so we’re allowed to have different perspectives as long as our perspective isn’t that “birth is just biology?” Cool.
I’m not a misogynist. I’m a Black woman who gave birth multiple times. I know that mortality rates are higher for WOC. I still don’t feel that my birth experience was a remarkable feat of exercising my “power.” That’s allowed.
Agree to disagree.
You’re “allowed” any feelings you have regarding your own experience but not to be dismissive of other people’s. That’s all. Biological arguments are often used to diminish women and minorities. I’d check that if you’re curious and not just wanting to be upset – womanist and eco-feminist studies are out there, just a click away.
You’re entitled to your own experiences!… as long as you don’t diminish other people’s. To make it clear: talking about a biological normal thing echoes a lot of arguments for women and minorities’ being considered weak and inferior – and not worthy of rights that come with it. Moreover, it leaves a very bad taste in my mouth when women don’t relate to other women’s experiences. I have terrible Perimenopause symptoms and my MIL just dismissed my discomfort because she did not have the same experience and was eager to prove that she is not like “those women”. I thought we were past the cool girl attitude that but apparently not.
And what I find especially shocking is how we’re so ready to tear down another woman’s PERSONAL source of empowerment.
@vivaaviva: I don’t believe anyone is suggesting that we can’t have different perspectives. For example, I disagree with minimizing the entire experience to just something biological. I mean, of course it’s science. So is eating, digestion, etc. Most things related to the body are biological functions and most people would agree. But what is the relevancy of saying it’s just biological…except to minimize? We are all obviously welcome to have opinions. From my perspective, Abby’s comment that it’s just biological and “she didn’t do anything” when taken together are problematic to me.
I was a young, healthy white woman when I had my first, and still needed a full blood transfusion after her birth. I definitely felt empowered and powerful after my daughter was born and I was back home from the hospital, because I literally almost died and was lucky enough to be able to make it through that. That being said, I do not feel, and I think Amanda was trying to articulate the same feeling, better than anyone who can’t or don’t have children for whatever reason. Giving birth IS a powerful feeling. No reason to shame those of us who go through it.
As someone who had to undergo fertility treatment for the last four years and is finally pregnant, I don’t think she meant to say that ONLY women who give birth should feel powerful. Before I got pregnant, I would say that I was the most powerful for of how I handled all of the fertility procedures. Now, that I’m pregnant, I would say that I am the most powerful for how I am handling this tough pregnancy. I’m sure when I give birth, I will feel powerful for having done that. Feeling powerful for something that YOU experienced, doesn’t take away from someone else’s pain for not experiencing that.
Well said @MissM! Congratulations and best wishes for a smooth birthing experience. 💗
THIS. Thank you MissM.
Quicksand. Feels like quicksand over here. But I will say she’s a very interesting actor, if I see something she’s in I’ll watch for sure.
I have no children by choice and don’t expect that to change anytime soon and I most certainly do not feel lacking as a woman without them. Nevertheless this is *her* experience and she’s not talking about anyone else so the snarky comments are making no sense. Sorry but even today childbirth is very difficult and painful, people saying “it’s just biology” seem not to be aware of how incredibly dangerous it has been even up till very recently (and still is for many demographics) and of course while she maintains a level of privilege in how she was able to give birth via medical resources I’m sure she has, she didn’t say anything offensive here. It’s not like she said “I underwent the most difficult experience anyone can undergo” or “my birthing experience is what everyone should do” or “women are only empowered by having children”. She’s allowed to find a difficult thing that happened to her empowering. It’s not deeper than that.
Many biological processes are difficult and/or dangerous. No one said birth isn’t those things.
Birth happens to be one of the most dangerous though, and if someone doesn’t feel it empowered them then that’s fine, but anyone coming for her because she said something was empowering for her specifically and not referring to anyone else makes no sense.
Yeah these comments are not good and I’m pretty surprised to see them on this site. Like someone said above the whole, “You didn’t do anything you just gave birth.”, “It’s basic biology.”, mindset is exactly the one they use to give mothers zero time off work after giving birth and the same one that anti choice people use to defend why it shouldn’t be a big deal to carry a pregnancy to term. If we are going to be pro choice here and one of the reasons is because carrying a pregnancy to term is physically dangerous so no one should be forced to do so then we can’t turn around and say it’s no big deal when someone actually does it and is proud of themselves for doing so.
Reading these comments is so disheartening…
We are living through an era of major social change, learning about the experiences of others, and how to be more sensitive in our words and actions. This should be one of those.
Some women can’t have kids. Women of color have a whole different calculus around having kids. Some desperately want kids, but can’t afford adoption. My grandparents and parents are very abusive and, while I’ve never really wanted kids, if I desperately wanted kids, I don’t know that I could protect them from abusive family members. I may have wanted kids but for seeing negative experiences around it from a young age. My sister and I are cycle breakers. That is hella powerful.
I think this is one of those areas where folks would do well to sit down a little bit and listen, and adjust how having kids is spoken about bc all of the magical golden pregnant goddess stuff shows a certain level of oblivious and hurts a lot of people.
She’s speaking of her individual experience. Great. I’m speaking of mine, and many others, and how all of the clueless talk around this issue hurts people.
She and every parent can speak about their experience. And if they do it in an obnoxious way that’s likely to hurt lots of people, I can think they’re sh*tty for that.
I am beyond tired of constantly being told by celebs, media, culture, that I am somehow less than for not having kids. It’s not that hard to listen and learn about others’ experiences and adjust your tone so you’re not hurting people. It’s almost an ism at this point.
She’s not doing it in an obnoxious way, and she’s not speaking of other people at all; she’s not making generalizations about motherhood/parenthood; she’s not saying anything was magical. She’s just saying that this was a moment where she realized something about herself, and that doesn’t make her a sh*tty person.
Completely agree.
Always wanted kids, got a malignant tumor instead and that took care of that. That health history rules out adoption as a viable option too. I am “the bestest auntie” anyone can be. People can be quite insensitive when asking others about marriage and children. It’s something I would never do because I know how much it hurts.
That says, I view Amanda’s statement as something personal she found in herself, not a generalization of how life should be for all women. Maybe she feared the childbirth process? Maybe she found power in herself for conquering that fear? I don’t find what she said anywhere near as upsetting as when some say things like: “you aren’t a woman until you’ve given birth.” (Olivia Wilde will never get my forgiveness for that one.)
She looks absolutely beautiful without (or with very minimal) makeup–great skin and hair will do that for ya.
I don’t really care much for her comments here but I also don’t find them particularly hurtful or harmful either. I’m more just bored with reading about privileged white women’s experiences with childbirth. But you know, good for her an all that —she sounds really happy.
@ Jessica, Andi and Kirsten – THANK YOU!