It’s been a big year for Phoebe Bridgers. She played Coachella with her band boygenius, and they also released their debut album. In the middle of all that, she opened for Taylor Swift on her tour, playing twelve shows. Phoebe and her bandmates, Julien Baker and Lucy Dacus, were interviewed by the Wall Street Journal to promote their album, called the record. In that profile, Phoebe is asked about the curiosity her fans have about her dating life. After she was with actor Paul Mescal for a couple years, she was suddenly spotted out and about with Bo Burnham, about six months ago. But she and Bo have never said if they’re dating or not. Fans really want her and Bo to confirm their alleged relationship, and Phoebe’s had enough of it. Here’s what she had to say about the inappropriate fan attention, opening for her friend Taylor, and why she’s so transparent in her songs:
On opening for Taylor Swift on the Eras tour: “The craziest thing I could imagine is 60,000 people. It’s setting records as the biggest shows ever. It’s so cool to be a part of it,” Phoebe shared.
Fans of Phoebe and boygenius are overstepping boundaries: Phoebe told the publication that she “draws a line between fans who share a passing compliment while the band eats lunch and fans who run up to their car, trapping them inside.”
“There’s a higher chance that you’ll meet a fan that you hate than a fan that you love,” she shared. “You’re way more likely to be confronted with someone who just violated your privacy.”
She wishes people would stop speculating on her love life: Her personal lyrics and candid social media presence have led some listeners to believe they deserve an all-access pass to her offstage life. “I’ve had people take more than I’m giving, and I’m giving a lot. I’m pretty f—ing transparent, because I would value that in someone whose music I liked when I was a kid. Seeing any representation of any feeling and anything true was awesome to me. To be punished for that is so dark,” she said.
The first song that put Phoebe on the map–as far as I’m aware–is called Motion Sickness. The first time I heard it, the raw honesty of it completely floored me. In it, she describes a psychologically abusive dynamic between a young woman and an older man. I can’t find evidence that Phoebe confirmed this directly, but the song is believed to be about her relationship with Ryan Adams. She perfectly captures the conflicting emotions that come with surviving an abusive dynamic–love morphing into resentment, regret, relief, anger, and everything in between. Phoebe’s honesty in her lyrics is so unflinching that sometimes it’s hard for me to listen to.
But just because someone is open and vulnerable as a songwriter, that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t have any privacy. What Phoebe describes when she talks about negative interactions with fans is the result of our parasocial era. Some people think they actually know a celebrity and overstep boundaries, while fans who are respectful keep their distance. As for what she’s dancing around when she says fans are “taking more” than she’s giving: Neither Bo Burnham nor Phoebe has acknowledged their relationship. They haven’t even done the Taylor Swiftian “We’re so in love and so private” exclusive to a friendly press outlet. They’re choosing to handle their relationship this way. Besides, Keith Urban accidentally captured them kissing in a TikTok at one of Taylor’s recent shows, and I think that should be confirmation enough. Somehow it makes perfect sense that it was Keith Urban, of all people. Keith and his highlights, letting the cat out of the bag without even knowing.
photos credit: JPI Studios/Avalon, Yuri Murakami/Fotoarena/Avalon, Getty
I’m a hardcore pharb (my son was born to a Phoebe song!) and still cannot imagine acting this way. Artists are just people, after all. Granted, I’m on the older side of her fan base, but it’s just astounding to me how entitled people feel to the artists they love.
Yeah, in this age of parasocial relationships, many fans go way too far and think their love or dedication to a celebrity or artist means they are entitled to know every part of their lives. Scary.
I have actually met her on a trail while I was out jogging withs some friends. We stopped and chatted with her for a bit because my friend is a huge fan of hers. She was so lovely and super friendly!
Agreed – worrying parasocial behavior seems to be at fever pitch. Just take a look at any of the royal posts here
I’m also on the older side of Phoebe’s fans, and I’m so horrified that people act this way. I’m also kind of baffled by the urge to talk to artists you love. I can’t imagine what I would have to say to them! It feels like it would be a really upsetting encounter.
Lucy, I agree with you so much.
There are celebs that matter to me on a personal level, not that I think I KNOW them, but more like, their work affected me in some way, or helped me through something. I think of someone like Stephen King who I have read through my whole life, or Debbie Harry who I listened to at 7, and still do. But if I saw them in a restaurant, or other public place, I don’t think I would ever walk up to them and interrupt their meal. If I could casually walk by on my way out and catch their eye and give them a subtle thumbs up or smile? I’d probably do that. But I would just feel too weird to go up and actually talk to them. I just feel like if they aren’t at a meet and greet, you are intruding. And at a meet and greet, 1000s of people have already told them “I read all your books” or whatever.
I’m so with you! What would I even say??? They’re just people, and often better off as the myths in our heads.
Okay I thought about it and I would tell her I gave birth to I Know The End and it was perfect
Years ago I was at a Starbuck’s and as I moved from the register to the coffee bar, as a polite person might, the man already waiting there acknowledged me with a smile and a “hi” as I took my place next to him. Much to my utter shock and deep delight, it was Pedro Pascal.
I had become a big fan with his performance on Game of Thrones and Narcos had just started, so I was stunned to silence at first. While we did chat a bit, I just tried to interact with him as a normal interaction. I would have felt too embarrassed to fan gush at him as he was going about his day.
Mia Girl,
I would probably get too flustered and turn purple..so I doubt I could pull that off. But that would be the perfect interaction. I would love to meet a celeb i love in a casual way like that.
I disagree that we’re in a parasocial “era”.
Since the beginning of fame, there has always been fans who take their administration too far. Intrusions on privacy, feeling entitled to a celebrity’s time, staking out hotels and restaurants, believing there’s a deeper connection between you and the artist than what actually exists.
It’s nothing new. There will always be fans who develop a parasocial relationship with celebrities they admire. We even see that on here with Harry and Meghan. That being said, I’m sure social media’s made it worse because now we have access to the “lives” of celebrities 24/7.
Parasocial relationships are nothing new and some fans are nuts and it must be scary.
As for Phoebe she’s a hypocrite and a white feminist. She’s good friends with that racist taylor is dating. And has been giving him a platform as part of her opening set on the tour.
I love her music. And really wish she wasn’t friends with Hatt Mealy
She should be held to the same standards as Taylor..
She’s been much closer to him then Taylor for years. They been hanging out a fair bit and he used to have a ( joke) pic of them kissing as his avatar on his socials. Its almost worse, she’s not blinded by lust or romance, but actively staying friends and platforming him as part of her set.
I agree. And this is my issue with white feminism in general. Being an ally or a feminist only seems to come into the equation when it applies to them directly.
@Cher
Taylor is not being blinded by lust or romance and she too have been friends with Matt so she knew who he was when she got her into a relationship with him.
They are all trash.
@coco
Fair enough. I am not trying to make excuses for Taylor. Just saying call out phoebe too, if we are serious about anti racism.
A lot of people going on about how they are her fans not mentioning her friendship with the bigot and the fact that he was on stage with her a few times the other week.
Well said. I had no clue about 1975 or who Matt Healy was before stories came out about Taylor Swift’s fans being upset about a new boyfriend, but the things that have come out about him are disgusting. Why would anyone actively seek to date, be friends with, and promote someone like that?
Exactly she and Taylor are two peas in a pod both fake white feminist who only speak up when the issue affect them . Only care about white woman also Taylor is now doing a song with ice spice the woman Matty made racist comments about. People will swear up and down that Taylor doesn’t know about Matt this definitely calculated move on Taylor to prove she not a racist and also is ally to black woman while still dating Matty . Ice spice is being used as a prop to shield Taylor and Matty from all their well deserved backlash .
I have no idea who she is. Is it due to my age (42)? I also didn’t know who TS new bf was until he was mentioned on here.
We’re the same age and I’ve been a fan of her music for a bit now. But I didn’t know who that trash bag TS is dating before she started seeing him either.
I’m shocked that she is with him. I know she is messy but he is disgusting, racist, hateful. I don’t see how anything about him can be appealing.
I’m gonna have to look up PB. Im curious to know if I’ve heard any of her songs.
omg, LOL’d at the Keith Urban and his highlights thing!
Her songs… omg.