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For some strange reason, the tabloids are full of stories about Jake Gyllenhaal this week. None of the stories is all that scandalous or interesting, but put them all together and perhaps a picture will form. What is that picture? That Jake could be very, very upset about his breakup with Reese, and that everyone is trying to help him and set him up on dates and cheer him up and give him advice. That’s seriously the theme of these stories… which I find strange. Do I buy that Jake is the kind of guy who gets utterly devastated by a breakup and mopes around Hollywood parties getting advice from Sean Penn? Hmmm…
First up, In Touch claims that Jake’s Brothers costar and friend Tobey Maguire tried to set him up with a Reese Witherspoon-lookalike, only this girl had curly hair. Jake and the girl “seemed to hit it off on their first date… he was listening intently whenever she spoke.” One of Jake’s “friends” tells the mag that Jake is “lonely” and that he “wants a girlfriend.” Oh, he’s one of those guys. Those guys who don’t know how to function without a girlfriend or wife. Those guys are strange, in my opinion.
Meanwhile, Star Magazine reports that Reese and Jake are still talking, and might consider getting back together. Reese is “torn apart” since dumping Jake, and her kids are upset too. A friend tells Star: “Reese said Ava has been e-mailing Jake, asking him to come back. Reese says she realizes he’s more mature than she gave him credit for, and he won’t just walk away from her like Ryan did. That was her big concern.” And what about Jake? “His heart was broken… he said they should take a few months to figure out where they stand.”
And finally, both Star Magazine and the National Enquirer have stories about Jake and Sean Penn bonding or something. In Star’s version, Sean was introducing Jake to models at a party a few weeks ago, and Sean and Tobey Maguire acted as Jake’s “wingmen” because he was too shy to talk to the girls right away. This version seems totally… weird. The Enquirer’s version sounds a bit better though:
Bad boy Sean Penn is giving Jake dating advice!
Jake was moping his way through a party at Hollywood’s Chateau Marmont on January 9 when Penn stepped in.
“It was obvious Jake was upset. He wasn’t smiling or talking much, so Sean walked over to him, patted him on the back, and told him to be thankful he and Reese never got married,” an insider divulged. “Sean told Jake that marriage is overrated, and he should enjoy the single life because he has the rest of his life to be married.”
“Jake looked like he was taking Sean’s anti-marriage advice to heart. He smiled a lot more after their little chat.”
[From The National Enquirer, print edition, February 1, 2010]
Okay, how screwed up do you have to be to not only get advice from Sean Penn, but to actually take that advice? If Sean Penn told me to duck, I would jump up. If he told me to go right, I would go left. If he told me to zig, I would zag. So, my advice to Jake: either ignore Penn, or just do the opposite of whatever he told you. So… don’t enjoy the single life. Get married. And continue moping around.
Written by Kaiser
Posted in Depression, Jake Gyllenhaal, Sean Penn
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31 Responses to “Jake Gyllenhaal is one of those guys who always needs a girlfriend”
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Jake is gay,
he only needs beards and heterosexual publicity.
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@Lizzy: Don’t care. In my head, he and George Michael (and George Clooney for that matter!) are all totally hetero and totally in love with me! LOL
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You mean boyfriend!
He needs a “girlfriend” for the public.
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Puh-LEEZE!
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Yeah, he’s gay. I mean, everyone knows it so why not just come out and stop all this nonsense? I don’t like him, but not because of him being gay, just because he looks like Droopy Dog, just like his sister. Both of thir faces annoy me for some reason and I cannot take him seriously. He’s just so ugly! But yeah I do feel bad for him, having to have all these beards…it’s sad. Good thing he’s got that droopy face to express his sadness LOL
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How do you know he took Penn’s advice? He may have realized that if people like Penn recognized that he was a bit low, he needed to make an effort to be more social. And that’s what he did.
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I think Jakey is gorgeous, but have to admit that the way he looks at his bff (name’s Austin Nichols maybe?) makes me think he might actually be gay. Oh well, girls. But I do wish his PR people would let him be openly gay; it must suck when who you are rubs against the grain of how you make your living.
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Funk Sean Penn, what a colossal loser, like he really needs to go around giving lessons to young guys so they can end up like him. I think Penn should have a meeting with Mickey Rourke, that would be more interesting.
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I not so sure he’s gay just because he’s comes from such an uber-liberal background I don’t think there’s be any reason for him to have stayed in the closet growing up.
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Jake and Reese are already back together.
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Jennifer Aniston is free, I bet she’d love to be his beard.
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Is he really gay or is it just because he played one in a movie? I adore him and hope he finds real love. he seems like a good guy.
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He’s not gay! He’s sweet and hot and I’ll bet he really is upset about the break up. They’ll get back together when she realizes he’s not a tool like Ryan is…
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I have no idea if he is gay or not, or if his relationship with Reese was real or fake.
What I don’t understand is why every time he is mentioned, Ryan gets shit. They are 2 different people, there is no need to kiss Jake’s ass by putting Ryan out or Sean Penn,in this case.
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C’mon! If Jake’s so butch, why did he buy Reese a rare set of antique bone china to win her back? THAT IS SO GAY!
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Hello! Paging “Huge” Jackman. He is yolked in that picture, my goodness. Gets better with age, that man.
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I think that Jake is a straight guy who always needs to be in a relationship. He was dating Kirsten Dunst for a very long time before he started “making it”. She talked about him in interviews and made him sound like a very boring boyfriend. He would always buy her rings and baubles and want to hang out at home, and she wanted to be in the party scene. I think I recall reading that in her Vogue interview. When she dumped him, she took a wrong turn (guess that party scene would have been better left alone, Kiki) and her career went downhill. His began to rise. So, I really don’t believe he is gay. Just “boring” and conventional.
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I don’t believe he’s gay either. It’s supposed to be the worst kept secret in Hollywood but I simply don’t believe it. And just because the tabloids say he’s moping doesn’t mean he actually is. Although who could blame him if he was? It’s only been a couple of months since the split. Cut the guy some slack.
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I love Jake but I think he has done it all and is ready to setttle down.He should check out Jen Aniston and see if they can get something going.He cannot go to young because, he is like a 50yr old in a 30yr old body. I do not think he is boring with the right lady he would sparkle. KiKi was stupid to dump him. Kiki is now the HW BICYCLE and even Alexander Skarsgard won’t touch her
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I don’t see what the big deal it is about him, he’s ugly and IMO I always thought Reese was too ugly for Ryan Phillippe
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Most guys need to be in a relationship to function well, I think that’s pretty obvious. More single guys suffer from depression that married men – with women it’s actually the other way around. Although I think Jake is totally hot, he comes across as something of a wet-blanket, but I respect him for being honest about his sense of loneliness, as opposed to idiots like John Mayer who hide it under the grossest behavior.
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Angie Jo must’ve sucked almost all the life out of Brad by now, so how about some fresh meat? We know he’s good with kids…
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People only think that he is gay because off his role in Brokeback Mountain, that’s stupid.
He is totally straight and I don’t think that he and Reese Witherspoon are going to get back together.
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Well here’s the hard evidence, you make one movie in which you play someone who is gay and everyone believes you’re gay. That would be why so many actors are afraid to play gay characters. Thanks for perpetuating the problem, everyone.
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Anise: I think you got it wrong. Actors kill each other for gay roles, or for mentally challenged roles,or cancer roles for that matter. Maybe the rumours about Jake aren’t true,but be sure they don’t exist because he played an homosexual character once.
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if buying me rings and baubles and enjoying time at home with me is a boring guy, one boring guy to go, please!
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Weird, yet another article where all the comments say the guy is gay. What’s with you people?
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God he’s yummy!
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Yum – I’ll happily live a boring life at home with him also. I’m feelin’ it BIG-TIME!
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He is so so gay.
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“Dating” Kirsten Dunst – Kirsten and Jake were more off than on during their on-off relationship.
Jake’s “relationship” with Reese Witherspoon was clearly PR sham – Jake needs “girlfriends” just for heterosexual publicity.
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