Stephen Colbert is going to murder Canada during the Olympics

colbert

This is a poster made in honor of Stephen Colbert, made by artist Shepard Fairey (best known for his Obama “Hope” and “Change” pieces). As many know, Colbert is headed to Vancouver for the Winter Olympics. It all started when the U.S. Speedskating team lost its biggest sponsor, and the team asked Colbert if he could step in. So he did – and he asked “The Colbert Nation” to step up with donations to fund the team’s stay in Vancouver, which they did to the tune of $300,000. So… that means the Speedskating team’s official logo is “The Colbert Nation”, and it will be branded on their suits during the games.

Unfortunately for Canadians, all of this goodwill and patriotism has done a number on Colbert’s anti-Canada smack-talk. Time and time again on The Colbert Report, Colbert has hilariously ridiculed Canada as a whole, Canadians in general, and Vancouver in particular. It’s all in good fun, really. But some Canadians are talking Colbert’s “act” seriously.

While “The Colbert Report” is in repeats next week, the comedian will be in Vancouver for the first week of the Olympics. He’ll be there recording a wealth of material for his show (to air beginning Feb. 22), attending events, conducting interviews and doing a kind of half-show from a stage set up outside the Olympic centre.

“We’ll bring snow because I don’t think Vancouver has any,” he said in an interview, taking a swipe at the city’s sometimes watery precipitation.

Many Canadians have been put off by Colbert’s frequent mockery. As a pseudo pundit, Colbert likes to elevate the U.S. above all other countries, making the Olympics – which he calls a combination “talent popularity-contest war” – prime fodder for parodic patriotism.

He has called Canadians “syrup-suckers,” “Saskatche-whiners,” and said Canadian history is a euphemism for a sex act so depraved, he can’t say it on TV.

Colbert still jokes that he’s going to Vancouver to find out “What is Canada? Or more importantly, why is Canada?”

But now that foreign athletes have received more ice time, Colbert says, “I’ve forgiven Canada. . . . I’m there to celebrate Canada at this point.”

As part of an arrangement made with NBC and NBC Universal Sports Chairman Dick Ebersol (who recently appeared on “The Report”), Colbert will be allowed to film inside the Richmond Olympic Oval. In exchange, he will join Bob Costas for commentary Feb. 17 on NBC.

But for all of his satire, it’s clear Colbert has a genuine love of the Olympics.

“It’s a festival,” he says. “What a great, rare honour it’s been to be helpful in any way to these beautiful athletes. I’m really in awe of what they do and I want to be there to support them.”

[From The Canadian Press]

Aw, that’s sweet at the end. What kills me is that the real Colbert sounds like a truly sweet man. It’s just his Colbert persona that is hilariously obscene, ridiculous and insane. Oh, and they mentioned “that depraved sex act”… Colbert really did that, and it’s a killer bit. Here’s more:

Canada’s history is being rewritten — online, at least — in terms so crude, it could make any Canuck blush with a patriotic tinge. On his late-night TV show this week, satirist Stephen Colbert took aim at Canadian magazine the Beaver, which announced last month it was changing its moniker after 90 years because some search engines were weeding it out, believing it was pornography due to its name.

The Winnipeg-based publication is rebranding itself as the less suggestive Canada’s History, starting in April. But what Canadians don’t know, the comedian joked Thursday on The Colbert Report, is in America “Canada’s history” is a euphemism “for a sex act so depraved,” it can’t be described on television.

The unspeakable act, apparently, “involves moose antlers, a jug of maple syrup and the Stanley Cup.”

The comedian then invited his audience — often referenced as the Colbert Nation for their willingness to help with his pranks — to “redefine Canada’s history in the most jaw-dropping terms imaginable,” on urbandictionary.com,a Wikipedia-like webpage that allows users to submit definitions for words and slang.

“Just put everything in there,” said Colbert, who mockingly portrays a conservative pundit on his show. “Putting everything in there, by the way, is the hardest part of performing Canada’s history.”

Thirty-six hours later, there were 521 listed entries — each with increasingly vulgar descriptions that use more Canadian cliches than a Kids in the Hall skit.

In June 2008, when CBC announced it wouldn’t renew the contract for the Hockey Night in Canada theme song, Colbert declared “Bad move, Canada!” saying he would licence the iconic “Dunt-da DUNT-da-dunt” to be played while doing very “American” things.

“I’m going to play it when doing things like punching beavers in the face,” he quipped.

[From The Vancouver Sun]

Colbert is a deranged genius. Jesus, I love him. “Punching beavers in the face” should be made into a t-shirt. TEAM COLBERT.

Steven Colbert holds his Grammy for best comedy album at the 52nd Annual Grammy Awards

Fairey poster courtesy of Gawker.

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39 Responses to “Stephen Colbert is going to murder Canada during the Olympics”

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  1. KIKI says:

    Love Stephen. Canadians are very patriotic and VERY touchy about jokes about Canada. It is funny guys!

  2. Susette says:

    Thanks for this! It gave me the first really big laugh of the day. Love Colbert!

  3. PeterboroughRocks says:

    KIKI, the patriotism and touchiness you speak of is definitely not unique to Canadians. In fact, I would venture to say that Americans are even more so that us Canucks. But having said that, I LOVE Stephen Colbert, and find him f-ing hilarious!

  4. belynda says:

    i am canadian. colbert is funny, and i don’t think many of us are really offended. it is like anything else “the squeeky wheel gets the grease.”

  5. wif says:

    Are you Canadian KIKI? Because I am and I would say the exact opposite to what you just did. We’re nowhere near as patriotic as Americans and I’ve yet to meet one who is touchy about Canadian jokes. We have long running comedy programs that successfully satirize ourselves all the time.

    I find everything here that Colbert is saying to be absolutely hysterical. Give me the name of this Canadian who is upset and I’ll give ’em a call 🙂

  6. Heather says:

    Cool post, but I have to say that Shepard Fairy didn’t do the “I’m with Coco” poster. It’s actually Mike Mitchell: http://sirmikeofmitchell.com

  7. wif says:

    Hey, Peterborough, do you really live there? Cuz that’s my home town. Woot.

  8. KIKI says:

    I did not mean to offend, that is what this whole article is about so someone must have got upset!

  9. lucy2 says:

    I didn’t think the Obama guy and the CoCo guy were the same artist, thanks Heather!

    I LOVE Stephen Colbert, and I’ve had a lot of fun watching his whole thing with speedskating and the Olympics. I remember him telling people to change info on the magazine, but forgot to see if they did! Too funny.
    I used to love when stupid politicians would go on his show and not realize that it’s fake. Now they all are aware, but it’s still funny. I especially like when he has the Rep from DC on and they bicker, she really gives it back to him and it’s hilarious.

  10. Genevieve says:

    Um, it doesn’t matter what he says. Canada is a fantastic nation full of talented people fromy every walk of life. And this guy needs to get one…

    GO CANADA GO!

  11. Jo 'Mama' Besser says:

    I’m Canadian, and I don’t know any Canadians who found this offensive. It’s just gentle ribbing, I don’t see the harm. I remember the Toronto episode of THE SIMPSONS, ruffling about two feathers, if that. Most notably, a (humourless, sorry) lady was very upset about the portrayal of the country. Now, she didn’t watch the whole episode, had never seen another episode of the show, and knew nothing of the its long tradition of ‘The Simpsons are going to…’, style of broad and bombastic excursions.

    It seems to me that the world is much nicer outside of one’s own bum. That’s where you learn that jokes made in the (clearly friendly) spirit of Colbert’s are not a declaration of war.

    And they don’t have much snow in Vancouver, that’s why I envy them.

  12. wif says:

    No offense taken KIKI. However, there’s only one sentence saying some Canadians are taking it seriously, so I think the message of the bulk of the article is “Can you believe the stuff Colbert says?” I think there is just the assumption that Canadians are getting upset, because I’ve not heard a single thing about this till now. Nothing in the media, nothing at the water cooler, nothing. I think we’re cool with it.

  13. Sudini says:

    God I love Colbert, and anyone who understands his show knows that pretty much everything he says is the opposite of how he truly feels. Kaiser said it best by calling him a “deranged genius” 🙂

  14. Praise St. Angie! says:

    I always saw the faux rivalry that the US and Canada have as such a fun thing…the US makes fun of Canada, Canada makes fun of the US…

    I see it as siblings who like to rib each other, but don’t really mean any of it.

    and I share the love for Mr. Colbert…he’s a genius. had no idea about the speedskating team sponsorship…that is comedy GOLD.

  15. JulieNewmar says:

    This guy is an idiot. IMO

  16. princess pea says:

    Um yeah, what offended Canadians? I don’t know any. We generally are just thrilled to get a mention. We laugh at ourselves from the time we can walk, it’s part of why we make so many great comedians. In general, we are familiar with satire, too. Some of the most popular programming in Canadian history is of a similar type of political/journalistic skewering.

  17. KsGirl says:

    Nother Canadian here who hasn’t heard anything about anyone being offended by this. This guy is funny! And c’mon, you know his politics. I’m pretty sure he’s probably a fan of ours. 😉

  18. EMV says:

    Love him!

  19. mistral says:

    I’m Canadian and I’m not offended. Maybe it’s because I don’t watch his show and generally find very little of what any American commentator says about Canada to be of any interest.

  20. Allie says:

    I’m Canadian and I laughed pretty hard at everything Colbert said. I haven’t heard of any backlash either.

  21. ronnie says:

    Yeah, I’m Canadian too. I love my country but I can take a joke too. I love to hear him make fun of us, actually!

  22. jule says:

    Im a Canuck too, and actually in Vancouver, we make fun of our lack of snow ourselves for the olympics!

  23. d says:

    Making fun of ourselves is a national past-time here in Canada!

  24. Nikki says:

    Oh yawn, as if any of us care what this tool says.

  25. Rosalee says:

    Oh come on..we Canadians believe making fun of each other and Americans is one of our National sports right behind hockey and lacrosse.

  26. nickynoneck says:

    the canadians getting upset thing is prob just the media machine working its wheels , every candian on here (including me ) hasent been offended .

    has any of you guys seen talking to americans ?? if not type it into youtube its funny as hell .

  27. Pugs says:

    As a dual American/Canadian citizen I think Stephen Colbert is an opportunistic jerk who can only succeed by making fun of people. I wish he would just go away and crawl back under the rock he came out from.

  28. canadianchick says:

    I’m Canadian, he’s hilarious, and his wife needs a microscope to find his tiny penis *canadian crosschecks Colbert*

  29. wif says:

    Oh man! I just watched the opening ceremony; Colbert is going to rip us apart.

  30. Lindsay says:

    I love Stephen Colbert! I’m so glad there is so much love for him in the comments. Also, that picture from the Grammys is great. Pug I have to disagree with you both him and Jon Stewart don’t only make jokes at the expense of individuals unlike some comedians (example: Kathy Griffin, although in my opinion she pulls it off) He always has funny Colbert Nation projects and tends to have at least semi-smart political satire and media commentary that is actually funny. His success is not due to him making fun of others, it is due to him being smart, talented, funny, working hard, and his rapport with his fans.

  31. ChromeP says:

    I was on twitter today and a couple of my American followers were going in on Canada then I guess they remembered I was Canadian. So my inbox becomes flooded with apologies and I was like.. US/Americans making fun of Canada/Canadians..wow that’s a new concept ….LOL..We are some of the funniest ppl so we can take it.. plus we’re too polite to push the bully back.. btw I love Colbert..

  32. GatsbyGal says:

    So watching the Olympics on Feb. 17th. Colbert and Costas, what a team.

  33. Ironhead says:

    Can’t wait until he gets a chance to comment on the fact that we invited the world to our city (yes I’m a native Vancouverite – born in New West and raised in PoCo), and then impressed everyone by slowly erecting four large ice penises. Which we then set on fire. W00T.

  34. orion70 says:

    nicknoneck… I sure have ! Rick Mercer is hilarious (and comes from the same province as me, so extra woot all round) and I think could more than give Colbert a run for his money.

    I’d say a good portion of Canadians haven’t even seen this. And those who have are probably more inclined to say “who gives a sh*t / we know better” anyway. I find it a little funny that there would be an assumption that we would be so offended because a *gasp* American made fun of us. We’re doomed!!!! Oh nooooess !!

    And while I get tired of being the butt of jokes (mostly as a NL’er), I can’t say I ever saw patriotism in the sense that I saw it in the U.S. when I’ve visited, but then again, I don’t live there, so I don’t know how it plays out in daily lives.

  35. Carol says:

    I think Stephen Colbert is hilarious! Regarding Kaiser’s comment that the real Stephen seems like a sweet man, he is a devout Catholic who used to and may still teach Sunday school. Can you imagine going to church and finding out that Stephen Colbert is going to teach religion to your child? LOL!

  36. Capt. Awesome says:

    Jo ‘Mama’ Besser: You just made my day. If I ever run into you, remind me to buy you a beverage of your choice.

  37. CB Rawks says:

    Ahh. That brought the happy. I love Stephen Colbert. I might even threaten a random beaver on his behalf. That also sounds like a euphemism.

    “who gives a sh*t / we know better” anyway.”
    Um, that line clearly shows that offense WAS taken. By a humourless person.

  38. Bodhi says:

    Colbert is freaking hilarious!! Anyone who is offended by him just plain doesn’t get it, IMO.

    BTW, both he & Shepard Fairey are from Charleston, SC. I know… ’cause I grew up here too!

  39. skibunny says:

    I’m a Canadian from Vancouver. I’m not offended by Colbert,I just dont find him as funny as he thinks he is.
    Despite the erection of four penises and numerous people running around the nation with what appears to be a large doobie I’m still proud to be a Canuck! GO CANADA!!!!!!!