Lady Gaga’s “Telephone” video confirms there’s “no d-ck”

First off, I kind of like this song. I mean, it’s catchy. It’s no “Bad Romance” but it’s good, and I kind of like Beyonce and Lady Gaga together. They make some kind of strange sense. But the video? I can only imagine that this is what Johnny Weir’s prison fantasies look like. And the sketchy Thelma & Louise reference? Gah. Gawker had an epic (and epically NSFW) summary of how this music video was Gaga’s answer to the “Does she have a hermaphrodite bulge or what already?” questions.

Beyond that, I just have to talk about one thing I was recently thinking about re: Gaga. Whoever does her makeup needs to go back to eye makeup school. Because this junk is ridiculous. It’s one thing to do your makeup like a drag queen would. It’s quite another to have your makeup by so over-the-top that even drag queens are like “Girl, you need to take it down a notch!”

Oh, and I love the soda cans rolled up in Gaga’s hair. That cracked me up.


Lady GaGa performs live in concert at Glasgow's SECC as part of her Monster Ball Tour

Lady GaGa performs live in concert at Glasgow's SECC as part of her Monster Ball Tour

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49 Responses to “Lady Gaga’s “Telephone” video confirms there’s “no d-ck””

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  1. Melanie says:

    Headline made me snort coffee.

  2. isabelle says:

    Lady Gaga: contrived, stupid and boring.

  3. canadianchick says:

    Love Gaga, *wiping her eyes with tissue and makeup remover*

  4. Peach says:

    For some reason I am loving the drawn in eyebrow look that’s been everywhere lately. It’s so anti-traditional sexy that I think it’s kind of hot.

    Also loved the video.

  5. Bec says:

    Beyonce is trying to hard to be cool, like Gaga. I don’t think Gaga is cool but I appreciate a good video clip!

  6. kelbear says:

    Great, now I can sleep at night…

  7. snowball says:

    This video would have been infinitely better without Beyonce. Next to Gaga, she looks like a huge, lumbering epileptic (no offense to the epileptics).

    Kaiser’s right, it’s no Bad Romance, but I liked it. Just enough random weirdness. If I had Gaga’s body, I’d be half naked all the time too.

    Didn’t Beyonce do Videophone with Gaga for her own album? I remember that one sucked balls; if you were epileptic, you’d be seizing all over the place with that one.

  8. Stella says:

    I liked this video a lot. Beyonce tried too hard to be ‘cool like Gaga’ because she realize Gaga outshined her ass without even trying.

  9. scotchy says:

    they are both boring pop stars that make lame music.
    but i must admit both have enviable figures.

  10. RedEyeJedi says:

    yeah her music is “cool” and her body is “nice” but her nasty fugly mug and her crazy retarded outfits are just way too much for me. i like naturally pretty girls, not ones that have to dump loads of makeup on their faces, but yet are still ugly.

  11. Icecat says:

    The more weight GaGa loses, the more she looks like a drag queen. I’m not really a fan, but I did like the video. I agree Beyonce is trying to hard..

    AND, this didn’t convince me that GaGa dosen’t have an “Angry Inch”. The video looked doctored in the, um, area…You couldn’t even see the vadge.. It just looked like a blur to me :D

  12. Pont Neuf says:

    Is it me, or didn’t this video make any sense whatsoever? It’s very spectacular and the song is catchy… At least the bits that Beyoncé isn’t shouting in that syncopated non-melody she was given to sing.

    I don’t mean to be bitchy, but when I was watching this, all I could think about was: “someone is trying WAY too hard to be original and unique. Desperate much?”.

  13. Anna says:

    And THAT kind of video (to what is not one of her best songs) is exactly why I love her and think she’s a genius. And I don’t even like Beyoncé. I want to marry Gaga :D

  14. ganjagirl says:

    yeah right. i am sure she would like a heads up about her way over the top eye makeup. it might be a distraction.

  15. Bella Bella says:

    I always get the feeling that Gaga was sitting at her temp desk one day and was like, “I like Gwen Stefani, I like Madonna…”

  16. KerBer says:

    gaga tries way too hard and still cannot do anything worthwhile. All of her music sounds the same and everything she does to be different really is just a re-hash of what other people have been doing for years. I can’t believe that people are falling for her act. It’s so transparent that she is just faking it and TRYING SO HARD to be different. If you truely are different, you don’t try, you just are.

  17. scotchy says:

    @bella bella, i couldn’t agree with you more.
    but i suppose it must be hard to actually be original these days.

  18. VV says:

    Beyonce is way out of her league here, she looks silly and stiff. Like she can’t break free of her borg programming to seem a little bit interesting and strange LOL Takes me back to the song she did with Shakira and she ended up looking like ass there too.

    Would of liked the video without Beyonce but I love it otherwise.

    I am curious though that part when they are in the holding cell and Gaga gets the phone call…who is that standing next to her? Is it her sister? Because the brunette they keep focusing on looks just like Gaga before she was Lady Gaga. If that makes sense.

    Look alike? Impersonator?

  19. Oi says:

    I wonder if subtlety talented will make a comeback? artists who are good at what they do and do it without being like…whatever this is.

  20. Trillion says:

    Wow! What an awesomely entertaining video. Loved it. Jonas Akerlund is very talented. I love all his videos (even that pr0n one for Rammstein, which I’ll never watch again) and his movie, Spun.
    And Gaga’s ass? Amazing. Dayum!

  21. LOVE ANGELINA says:

    Beyonce and GaGa were amazing in this video. IDK what you other people are talking, Beyonce did an excellent job. Anyway I loved the video and that part where she jumps on the bars to confirm there is no d*ck. LOL

  22. Amy says:

    “I don’t mean to be bitchy, but when I was watching this, all I could think about was: “someone is trying WAY too hard to be original and unique. Desperate much?”.”

    Neuf, you’re not alone on that thought.

  23. Bella Bella says:

    @ Scotchy, totally agree with you that’s why I didn’t totally burn her. Besides Bad Romance IS THE jam. It irks me though because I get the feeling that she thinks she is the original “monster” when she’s totally Tori Amos on piano, Madonna’s spandex dance leotard and Gwen Stefani style on crack with a splash of grotesque Marilyn Manson sadism.

  24. Jessica says:

    She still reminds me of Amy Winehouse!

  25. dizzybenny says:

    Geeeeees that chick is fugly!!I could not go more then 1:46 into the video.

  26. Saor says:

    I’d like it more without the insane amount of advertising going on in it.

  27. B says:

    RE: the “video/vag” observation…I thought of Isis from America’s Next Top Model. S/he had a beautiful swimsuit shoot and it looked all shemale.

    Gaga could be a post-op pop pin-up, or maybe not at all? Her songs are catchy and she’s fun to watch.

  28. bettejean says:

    I love GaGa. She’s intelligent, a wonderful performer and knows how to laugh at herself and have a good time. She knows she’s outrageous, she knows people don’t get it. This video is for her fans, and as long as they’re happy, she’s happy.

  29. Darlene says:

    Her makeup was perfect. She was going for incarcerated chola hottie and she – and her makeup artist – nailed it. It was so campy and fun and full of cult movie references. I loved it.

  30. Maritza says:

    Did Lady Gaga get a nose job? She’s not looking that fugly anymore. The video takes forever for her to start singing and then out of nowhere she’s in the car singing with Beyonce, who by the way looks awful with black lipstick and the curled bangs! The song is cute but the video has to much going on. I like the fat eyebrows, I wish they were back on style.

  31. Bella Bella says:

    @ Darlene. Is that what it is because I thought she was channeling Dr. Frank-N-Furter ala Rocky Horror. :)

  32. Jonathan Zhivago says:

    the dancing looks like it’s from a bad Michael Jackson video

  33. Mistral says:

    Hmmm…Too much going on in my opinion. I’d give it a C-. I agree with whoever said Gaga has gotten much too skinny. It’s scary. Tyrese and Beyonce looked great, though. I liked the yellow eyeshadow.

  34. jover says:

    Agree Kerber: I thought the video was actually boring; not close to Thriller or George Michael’s Freedom video. No true avantgarde artist wants anything to do with corporate product placement. The song may be momentarily catchy but its weak electronic club dance stuff – nothing original. As for Beyonce, she will hitch her fat butt to any new act to keep the money train rolling in.

  35. Alexis says:

    So yeah, that’s pretty much amazing. Thelma and Louise/Natural Born Killers/Gaga & Beyonce explosion.

  36. Natasha says:

    @snowball yes, I’m epileptic and that damn videophone video should have come with a warning. I was pretty pissed but what can you do. It’s trendy these days to use strobe effects just about everywhere from videos to advertising. It’s bad enough I can’t go to clubs if I wanted to but now my tv is assaulting me at every turn. /rant

    btw, I wasn’t offended at your statement. Some people are insensitive with their seizure “jokes”, but some people can be funny. Your comment reminded me of True Blood where Terry Belfleur doesn’t want to dance because he was told once that he “looks like an epileptic on meth”. Picture that, that shits funny. :)

  37. Seri says:

    This song is actually one she wrote for Britney, but her (Brit’s) people passed on it in like, 2006.
    Glad they did, love what they’ve done with it now!
    Beyonce was a great addition!

  38. Seri says:

    @vv–I actually know the answer to this one!
    That girl who looks exactly like her standing next to her before the phone call–that’s her dressed how she used to look as Stephani G., supposed to be something about juxtaposing the past with the present. :)

  39. Judy Hines says:

    Regardless what anyone thinks of the artist, most people forget that these pop stars have a team of brilliant people- stylists, costume designers, hair stylists, make up artists, photographers, videographers, personal trainers,publicists, marketing execs, etc. So, yes, they are contrived–so much so that thier goal is to have people talking about the stars, even if it means a bunch of people on a message board.

  40. VV says:

    Seri, I wondered about that but I wasn’t sure! I knew it was meant to reference her “real” self but the magic of film, I was thinking it was two different people in that scene. Looking back now I feel like a dweeb hahahaa

    I really like her with the dark hair though.

  41. Soso says:

    The brunette in the video is her younger sister Natalie.

  42. Kylie says:

    Beyonce looks a-may-xing! Love it!

  43. IcyNDicy says:

    I loved when the guy got up and Beyonce’ poisoned his coffee. The look on her face was so subtle and fierce. Then when he was walking back and slapped that Asian girl on the ass and the White Trash woman was laughing in the background I was laughing my a$$ off. That whole scene was the best in the video. Beyonce’ looked so beautiful in that yellow, vinyl dress. She is so hot! HOT!!!

  44. ladylala says:

    Loved the video!

    Saw Gaga last night also at The Monster Ball and she rocked it.

    A natural, I don’t believe that she is TRYING to be anything – I believe this is pure Gaga.

  45. cyndi says:

    Love her videos. No one is super hot and yet they are fabulous! Gaga is not super hot,but you cannot resist her! She is the best. She proves that it is not all about looks to be hot. I dont like how thin she is getting, she was fab when she burst on the seen. Dont change Lady!!!!

  46. john says:

    the video is based after the movie kill bill so people saying shes trying to hard to be original are wrong shes not trying at all. Try paying attention.