One of my absolute favorite women has written her autobiography, and juicy details about her life are already coming out. Whoops, I shouldn’t have said “juicy”. That’s gross, and you’ll find out why in a moment. My lady is Pam “Foxy Brown” Grier, and her book is Foxy: My Life In Three Acts. Great title! Anyway, Jezebel had an excerpt from the book yesterday, and this story honestly haunted me ever since I read it. I debated where it was too gross or too NSFW, but I think it’s okay, only a bit gross. The excerpt from Jezebel is Pam’s memory of a conversation she had with her gynecologist at some point in the 1970s:
He said, “Pam, I want to tell you about an epidemic that’s prevalent in Beverly Hills right now. It’s a buildup of cocaine residue around the cervix and in the vagina. You have it. Are you doing drugs?”
“No,” I said, astonished.
“Well, it’s really dangerous,” he went on. “Is your partner putting cocaine on his penis to sustain his erection?”
“No,” I said, “not that I know of. It’s not like he has a pile of cocaine next to the bed and he dips his penis in it before we have sex.” I had a nauseating flash of one of Richard’s famous lines: Even my dick has a cocaine jones.
“Are you sure he isn’t doing it in the bathroom before he comes to bed?” the doctor asked.
“That’s a possibility,” I said. “You know, I am dating Richard Pryor.”
“Oh, my God,” he said. “We have a serious problem here. If he’s not putting it on his skin directly, then it’s worse because the coke is in his seminal fluid.”
Gross, right? Why isn‘t this an episode of House? By the way, I think “You know, I am dating Richard Pryor” is probably the best excuse I’ve ever heard for ANYTHING. Hey, Pam, why are wandering around Malibu naked? “You know, I am dating Richard Pryor.” Plus, “cocaine vagina” is such a fascinating diagnosis. I’m sure it’s painful and all, which sucks, but “Cocaine Vadge” would make a great band name.
Anyway, Jezebel talked to some experts and they kind of debunked the whole “cocaine vadge” thing as an actual medical problem. Something about how the vadge is “very forgiving” and “It’s extremely unlikely that there could be any toxic vagina effect of cocaine.” To read more about coke vadges, go here.
See, I went the whole post without making a “cracked out” joke. I did good!