Blame the dealer, not the addict—that’s Michael Lohan’s new philosophy, at least when it comes to his precious cash cow, daughter Lindsay.

The recovering alcoholic and former jailbird told the Sydney News that he has been looking for the individuals who sold Lindsay cocaine, and is especially keen to find the man who is currently selling a story to the tabloids about how the starlet begged to score some coke over the Thanksgiving holiday.

“God is going to get even with this guy. He’s destroyed a lot of lives.

I’ve been looking for the people who’ve been selling my daughter and these other kids the drugs. And come hell or high water, one day I’m going to find these guys and I’m going to expose them.”

[From The Sydney News]

I’m sure the dealers are shaking in their shoes. I have this mental image of him trying to look like a tough guy in his black mesh shirt, roaming the bad neighborhoods of Manhattan – with a camera crew in tow, of course. And now that Lindsay is reportedly drinking again, will Michael also be personally visiting all the nightclubs in New York and LA to demand that they shut down, so Lindsay won’t be tempted?

I love Michael Lohan. If love means kicking someone in the shins, then running away and laughing. I know a lot of people will debate with themselves, asking, “Michael or Dina Lohan: who is the lesser of two evils?” Look, that’s one of those questions for the ages. I have no freaking clue. They both pimp their daughter out with a zealous force. But Dina spends most of her pimping time in clubs helping Lindsay shove cocaine up her nose, then telling the press what a great mom she is and how hard Lindsay works. Whereas Michael spends most of his time talking about how messed up his family is and how godly he is. So they both talk to the press too much, so let’s cancel out that issue. What’s really left to debate is which is more annoying: doing drugs with your daughter or thinking you’re the second coming of Christ? I have no answer.

Michael Lohan wants to patch things up with his family. “Reconciliation and redemption - across the board,” says Lohan, a born-again Christian. “Just all of us getting right with God.” [Lindsay] Lohan’s visit to the Cirque Lodge in Utah was her third trip to rehab since January, a frenetic year in which she wrecked a Mercedes-Benz, released the box-office flop “I Know Who Killed Me” and was arrested more than once. She left the center earlier this month. Does Lohan blame himself for Lindsay’s troubles? “Absolutely. How can I not? I mean, we lead by example,” Lohan said in an interview Wednesday with AP Television News.

He entered a Christian-based drug and rehabilitation center in West Babylon, N.Y., after he was released from prison in March. Lohan had repeatedly said Lindsay needed the same kind of treatment. “I made a commitment when I was in there to God and to myself that, when I got out, I was going to do God’s work, and I was going to share with other people what I’ve been through and how God changed my life,” Lohan said.

He is now a spokesman for GodMen, which holds events designed to help Christian men renew their faith. Lohan said he doesn’t care if people question the sincerity of his religious convictions. “I’ve had such an effect on my family and my daughter Lindsay, and I want to show them through my example that you can right the wrongs and turn it around,” he said. Lohan added: “And I hope that the grace that has been given to me can work through my family, and that we can come back to that same place in our hearts.”

[From the Associated Press]

It’s funny how Michael says he’s had such a positive effect on his family, but the famous daughter is the only person he bothers to mention by name. He really is holier-than-thou, which makes me want to kick him some more. I really have a hard time buying it. He used to pimp his daughter, now he pimps his religion… and what it can do for his daughter. I highly doubt his motivations are good. If he were quietly going about doing God’s work, I’d have a bit of respect for him, and maybe give him a little credibility. It’s that whole, “Do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing” thing. But Michael Lohan’s left hand is always up in the air shouting “Look at me! I am the father of someone famous!” (I imagine that he’s doing it with jazz hands) and that makes it a little bit tougher to give anything he says much credence.

Picture note by Jaybird: I know I’ve published these pictures before, but I’m making it my personal mission to make sure everyone sees GodMan’s nipples. These were taken after Michael Lohan was in prison… perhaps at the rehab facility he works at (since it seems to be an office) though I’m just speculating about that. Now we know who Lindsay gets her delicious ta-tas from.

As much as I dislike Dina Lohan, I hate Michael Lohan a whole lot more. Both of Lindsay Lohan’s parents are obvious users and losers, and each one seems to excel at their own version of latching onto the kid and riding her coattails as far as possible. But why oh why can’t Michael Lohan ever keep his mouth shut? Dina Lohan manages to do nothing but talk about Lindsay nonstop, and yet she still doesn’t seem quite as opportunistic as her ex-husband.

So for no apparent reason, Michael Lohan has taken it upon himself to tell People magazine just how great Lindsay is doing. He’s also a big fan of her new boyfriend, who she met in rehab and is (according to Michael) moving to Utah to be closer to. Isn’t a big rule of AA not to have a new relationship for one year to focus on sobriety? Sounds like Lindsay’s really taking it all seriously. Though Lindsay Lohan without a boyfriend is like Paris Hilton without herpes – one just doesn’t make sense without the other.

“When Lindsay Lohan leaves Utah to finish filming Dare To Love Me in Los Angeles, she will have round-the-clock help staying sober, her dad said. To insure the 21-year-old actress continues her recovery from alcohol and drug abuse, a sober companion, trained to be with people overcoming addictions, will be with her, Michael Lohan told PEOPLE. On Oct. 5, Lohan left rehab at Utah’s Cirque Lodge Treatment Center, which helped the actress find the companion.

“‘Lindsay’s companion is really, really tough, and she’s really nice, she’s an amazing lady, a great influence on Lindsay’s life,’ the elder Lohan said before attending a family court hearing in Westbury, N.Y., concerning his youngest children Ali, 13, and Dakota, 11. He also talked about another part of her new life – beau Riley Giles, whom she met in rehab. ‘He’s a great, great kid,’ Lohan said. ‘If you met him, you’d like him.’

“Lohan does not know where his daughter will be staying in L.A., but after filming – slated to begin Oct. 15 – he expects her to come back to Utah to live, receive continued counseling and attend Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. ‘It looks like she may have already found a house,’ he said, noting that she currently stays in a rental near the lodge. And he’s definitely not concerned about reports of her going out at night to establishments that serve liquor. ‘She goes out, she goes out,’ he said. ‘She does the right thing.’”

[From People]

Um, alright Michael Lohan. You psycho. That sentence “She goes out, she goes out. She does the right thing” is kind of confusing, because he didn’t say “BUT” she does the right thing. Forgetting to add that makes it sound like he’s saying going out is the right thing, which I have to say it probably isn’t for someone in Lohan’s shoes. She should really try spending a little time alone, just her, a cat, and a good book. Isn’t that a funny image! Pretty soon she’d have the cat strung out on opiates while she danced around naked singing the flower drum song or something. Hopefully this sober companion will be on the lookout and keep Lohan away from any animals she may encounter, in addition to men. Really, why is Michael Lohan acting like this is a good thing? Isn’t he an addiction counselor himself now? It’s like if Lindsay Lohan does just half the things she should do, that’s enough for everyone. Let me remind you all, 50% is still an F. Which is also the grade I’m giving you as a parent.

Picture note by Jaybird: Here’s Lindsay and her douchey looking boyfriend Riley Giles in Utah today. Images thanks to Splash Photos.

Lindsay Lohan is really good at saying just the right things to reporters, and using a lot of AA/therapy speak. There’s nothing wrong with that in general, but coming from her it seems really disingenuous. Lohan talked with “OK” magazine about her recovery and her plans to stay in Hollywood and not waster her “talent.” Here’s the problem Lindsay. “I Know Who Killed Me,” “Just My Luck,” and “Herbie Fully Loaded.” Pretty much all of those would indicate a severe lack of talent. So you might want to work on getting some before you worry about wasting it. Just a thought.

“Don’t look for Lindsay Lohan on the Hollywood club scene — or any Hollywood scene — anytime soon. Just hours after leaving Cirque Lodge treatment center in Utah, Lohan tells OK! magazine (on stands nationwide Friday) that she’s settling in the mountains. ‘I’m staying in Utah until it’s time to shoot Dare to Love Me,’ Lohan says, ‘and then I plan on returning to Utah so I can stay focused and avoid other distractions.’ (Lohan has a small role in the story of Tango legend Carlos Gardel.) But she’s not saying goodbye to the Hollywood industry. ‘Absolutely not — never! I’m here to stay,’ says the actress, 21. ‘My talent is a gift, and I’m going to use it in the right way.’”

[From USA Today]

So easy. Want to mock in a terrible, mean way. Don’t want to trigger relapse…. Ahhh! Pain radiating down my body! Can’t do it! Lindsay Lohan, Celebitchy and I got together and had a discussion, and we decided that you are the most hated of the Idiot Trifecta. And that’s not an award to be trifled with, you really have to earn that crap. You know, by stealing people’s cars and chasing their mothers through the streets of L.A. in a drug-fueled craze. As messed up as Britney and Paris are, as far as we know they don’t combine illicit substances with a severe, unchecked rageaholic personality disorder. They’ve certainly got other shit going on, but they don’t seem to commandeer cars, run over a guy’s foot, and chase people. Just a thought on the first – and easiest – step to improving your lot in life.

Want a little more trite AA speak from Lohan? Well she’s serving it up with her usual dose of sincerity/poor me mentality.

“Lohan checked into Cirque Lodge in early August, days after her second DUI arrest in less than two months and after two attempts at rehab. That second arrest, she says, was her ‘rock-bottom. Everything in my life came to a point where I had to make a decision; the arrest that night helped me come to a point where I had to make one.’ She acknowledges addiction and substance abuse and lying to cover up a serious problem. But Lohan doesn’t detail her drug and alcohol use. As part of her recovery, Lohan isn’t placing blame on anyone, and she says she plans on surrounding herself ‘with good people who have their hearts and their minds in the right places.’ She adds that during rehab, she has been in contact with only her family.

“[On] The feud between her father and mother, Dina, saddens Lohan, she says, ‘I wish it would stop. It hurts when two people you love argue with one another. I don’t think any child wants to see their parents argue or see their family fall apart. Unfortunately, it happens, and when it does, they should do it with as little effect on their children as possible.’ Lohan says her rehab experience was ‘sobering’ and ‘humbling. It made me look at myself, and all of the people, places and things in my life in a different way. I was in there for substance abuse, after all.’ Still, relapse is on her mind. ‘If I wasn’t (worried), I’d be living in denial. Temptation is always there, but now I’ll avoid it the right way.’”

[From USA Today]

If all that stuff wasn’t coming out of Lindsay Lohan’s mouth, I’d be really tempted to write a lot of “Oh good for her, it seems like she’s finally starting to figure it all out.” But that girl is incredibly manipulative. She just manages to take things to a whole new level, and she’s commercializing her recovery by doing rehab and post-rehab photo shoots for “OK.” They claim she’s not getting any money, but I’m sure she’s being compensated in some way. My guess is crack, meth, and a big SUV. All the ingredients for more Lindsay Lohan tabloid fodder.

Picture Note by Jaybird: Here’s Lindsay taking a break from rehab last Sunday in Utah, sharing a cigarette with fellow rehab patients. Images thanks to Splash Photos.

LiLo’s media-whore dad, Michael Lohan, has given an interview with News Of The World saying that Lindsay is planning on quitting Hollywood, quitting bad boy boyfriend Calum Best, and finding a healthier way to deal with emotional pain.

“Lindsay said, ‘Daddy, I have done some terrible things and been addicted to drugs but please believe me I will never do drugs again.

“She said she does not want to live in Hollywood as that is where this evil in her life happens.

“She said, ‘I hate Hollywood and I don’t want to work there. I need a break and I am moving away’.”

Vowing to steer clear of sex and drug addict Calum, Lindsay added: “I will stop hanging round with people who are bad for me’.”

Michael revealed: “Lindsay said since me and her mum had split her life had just not been the same. My heart ached and I was racked with guilt when she said, ‘I just wanted my Mummy and Daddy back’.

“She was about 17 when she started to turn to drugs and for the past four years Lindsay has become more and more reliant on them.

“She said the pain of our separation led her to do drugs and alcohol because she just wanted to numb the pain and drown her sorrows.”

“You only have to look at the poor state Britney Spears is in at the moment to know living in Hollywood is not good for these young girls.

“Lindsay and I both pray Britney can turn her life around too. For Lindsay the only way to do that is to take a break. So after she has honoured her existing film commitments that will be it. She just wants to stop making movies for the time being and be near her family.”

All quotes from News of the World

They pray for Britney do they? Even in his prayers Michael Lohan can’t stop name-dropping to Our Lord.

The News Of the World also call Lindsay ‘the Mean Girls star’ and at first thought I was like “Hey, surely she’s done more than that?” But there’s nothing really notable. It’s amazing – at only 21 Lindsay needs to leave Hollywood in order to make a comeback. Looking at this timeline she’s been doing a lot more time in the papers than in the local cinemas. A major film studio head said earlier this year that ”She had the world at her feet, and right now, she’d have to pay a studio to get herself into a movie.”

The visit with Lindsay in rehab that Michael is referring to is the one where x17 got exclusive pictures, which I’m guessing were part of a deal and not just lucky on x17’s part. I guess Lindsay got the cash from the pictures, so her dad is selling the story of the reunion.

In case you’ve been missing Lilo, she’s meant to get out of rehab on the 17th. Brace yourselves.

Note by Celebitchy: Lohan might not grace us with her presence today after all. X17 reports that she’s staying in rehab for another 2-3 months. Yeah!

Thanks to Pretty on the Outside for the header image.

Photoshop composite from PlanetHiltron.com

After three years and countless public letters begging his daughter to turn her life over to the Lord and give him a chance, Michael Lohan has finally visited his daughter Lindsay. After talking a lot of public smack about Lindsay’s mom and her boyfriend, ex-con Michael was given a chance at a supervised visit with his troubled daughter. He was seen yesterday at the Utah rehab where she is receiving treatment for a drug addiction exacerbated by an overinflated sense of self importance:

Lindsay’s dad flew to Utah last night and is currently visiting Lindsay at the Cirque Lodge treatment center, sources close to Lindsay and Michael confirmed to Access Hollywood.

Michael, who served nearly two years in New York State Prison for driving while intoxicated and other charges, has publicly yearned to reunite with Lindsay since his release in March. She has not seen her father since before he went to prison, sources told Access.

Lindsay checked into Cirque Lodge on August 3.

She has been visited by mom Dina and her siblings Cody and Ali, but this marks the first visit from her father.

[From Access Hollywood]

X17 has the pics of the awkward reunion, and says that Michael went to therapy with Lindsay once inside the Cirque Rehab Center where she is staying.

Never one to pass up an opportunity to give a statement proving what an arrogant person and shit mom she is, Dina Lohan has told 24/Sizzler that she condones the visit from Lindsay’s father. She predictably aims a few barbs at Michael, saying the visit will help Lindsay “come to terms with [her Dad’s] abusive behavior”

“I’m so glad he’s visiting her,” Dina told 24Sizzler.com, at the precise moment Michael was visiting Lindsay (Michael is outfitted with a tracking device so he doesn’t violate his parole). “I really wanted her to have closure a really long time ago, so she could come to terms with the abusive behavior that myself and my children [Lindsay, Michael Jr., Dakota and Ali] endured when they were younger.”

Dina adds that Lindsay, who hasn’t seen her dad in several years, was “extremely nervous” about seeing Michael.

[From 24Sizzler.com]

Lohan’s mom also denies that her daughter had a romance in rehab, saying “That never happened. Cirque is so strict compared to everywhere else.”

And in case you were grateful for the relative lack of Lohan news, she is set to get out of rehab in ten days. I’m sure she’ll be a totally changed woman and wait at least a week before she’s out at the clubs again, right?

This visit wasn’t about Lindsay’s mental health or a chance to reunite with her father, it was about keeping the Lohans in the press this week, and it worked. I wonder how much Lohan charged X17 for those exclusive reunion pics? At least they look authentic because they’re far away and sort of blurry.

Lindsay Lohan’s dad Michael, who conveniently found God during the two years he was incarcerated for multiple charges including assault and DUI, wrote Lindsay several public letters urging her to turn her life over to the Lord. Once he got out, he never hesitated to talk smack about her and her mother, telling the press that she was addicted to Oxycontin, that she got started drinking and drugging at an early age, and that her mother Dina even took cocaine when she was pregnant with Lindsay, a charge she denies.

After not seeing his daughter for three years Michael is finally going to get the chance he doesn’t seem to deserve and will be visiting her this week at the country club rehab where she’s staying in Utah. This was said to be Lindsay’s older brother’s idea, and Lindsay’s mom agreed. She had the restraining order against Michael lifted so he could visit his daughter. Lindsay’s dad won’t get any alone time with her, though. She will be accompanied by a counselor at all times. Maybe they’re afraid he’ll slip her some drugs in a hollow bible:

Lindsay Lohan and her mother, Dina, have decided to allow Michael Lohan to visit his eldest daughter at her Utah rehab. “It was actually her older brother, Michael’s, idea. It’s a part of the healing process,” a friend said. “Lindsay will see him later this week, but she will have counselors with her. It will not be alone.” Michael - whose divorce from Dina is likely to be finalized soon, now that they’ve resolved most issues between them, including custody - hasn’t seen Lindsay in years due to his abusive temper and violent behavior. In order for him to be allowed to visit, Dina - who has a restraining order out against Michael - had to get it lifted. “Dina thinks it is a good idea,” the friend said. “Lindsay needs to deal with this and needs closure.” Michael has said he’s been sober and found God since leaving jail earlier this summer. A rep for the Lohans said, “Yes, he will be seeing his daughter.”

[From Page Six]

And, just like Lindsay’s other parent, Michael is rumored to be getting his own reality show.

Lindsay Lohan’s nightmares might be coming true. That is, the nightmare about her chatty father Michael getting his own reality show. Michael originally pitched the scenario of a “Lohan Family” series but naturally his exwife Dina and kids vetoed THAT idea. But Michael didn’t give up - he had reality cameras follow him through his divorce court battle with Dina and he’s got some entertaining footage. Insiders say that ex-jailbird Michael is an interesting enough character to have a show without the other Lohans. (Although he’s likely to drag them into it, somehow.) The show’s being shopped around as you read this.

[Janet Charlton’s Hollywood]

Dina’s show “Momager” is already a go and will air on the E! Network in 2008. Since Michael is still shopping his around maybe it won’t get picked up and we’ll be spared that piece of pop culture trash.

I bet that the only reason that Dina agreed to let Michael visit Lindsay was so that she could get some good footage for her reality show. There will probably be two sets of cameras there, one for Michael’s planned show and another for Dina’s in the works. Lohan will talk in her 60 year-old voice about how great she’s doing in rehab and it will be the highlight of both shitty reality shows, hyped to death in the commercials for each and shown in the last episode to great disappointment. People will be asking themselves “Why did I watch the whole thing? Is that it?”

Maybe that’s why LohitneyParis continue to top themselves daily. They know we want drama, dammit, and they’re willing to sacrifice themselves for our entertainment. Their families are also assumed to be worthy by extension, but that remains to be seen.

Thanks to user the_bat1 on ONTD for these pics of Michael Lohan in a see-through shirt.