Around this time last year, there was suddenly a new movement to pit Angelina Jolie against George Clooney’s girlfriend Stacy Keibler. Stacy had only been around four or five months, and while it seemed like she was going to make it through the 2012 awards season, it was not a guarantee that Clooney wouldn’t jettison her ASAP after the Oscars. The undercurrent (as I read it) of the stories was basically “Angelina doesn’t want to take the time to get to know any of George’s girls, because Angelina knows they won’t last.” There was another undercurrent too, of course – “Everybody hates Angelina, because she’s [insert insult].” Maybe Stacy and Angelina simply never got to know each other. Maybe Angelina takes herself too seriously. Maybe Stacy is a really vapid woman. I don’t know. But the stories stuck around for a while… and now we have their logical conclusion. Stacy is no longer going to try to make a friendship with Angelina happen.

After repeated failed attempts to form a relationship with Angelina Jolie, George Clooney’s girlfriend, Stacy Keibler, is not officially Team Aniston!

“Stacy has had it with Angie – she has made a huge effort to get to know her, but every time she’s made to feel inferior,” a source tells Star. Now Stacy is bonding with Jennifer Aniston over their mutual hatred of Brad Pitt’s fiancée.

“They trash-talk Angie and described how high and mighty she acts,” sniped the insider. “Jen told Stacy to play Angie at her own game and ignore her completely.”

[From Star Magazine, print edition]

Yes, that will show Angelina. Trash-talk her behind her back and pretend that you’re ignoring her. That will drive her crazy, especially considering she’s all “Stacy what now? I’m sorry, I have six kids, a career and Brad Pitt is trying to have sex with me right now. Who were you again?” Also: if you think that I’m going to call BS on this story because of course Jennifer Aniston would never ever get together with her girlfriends to trash-talk Angelina, well… God bless you.

Photos courtesy of WENN, Fame/Flynet.

I have no idea why the “grand opening” of a restaurant in Las Vegas got such a good turnout, but I suspect that all of the ladies featured here were paid to show up. It’s a nice gig if you can get it! I wish someone would pay me to walk the red carpet for a restaurant opening, and then I got paid to try the food. And the place is Andrea’s Restaurant at the Wynn Las Vegas, so you know it’s probably good, five-star dining too. Sigh… anyway, let’s talk about the photos. Kate Upton was there, wearing this not-cute dress. I think Upton is such a pretty girl, but her red carpet style is so unfortunate. It’s like she’s trying to be conservative when she’s at an event like this, so she thinks she shouldn’t wear flattering clothes. And I swear, sometimes I think her face is morphing into the face of the late Anne-Nicole Smith.

Stacy Keibler was there too – I imagine she was paid to show up, big time. Stacy picks up a lot of cash doing these one-night-only appearances in Las Vegas. She must have a tidy little nest egg at this point. Clever girl. The dress is boring and her hair is terrible!! That’s like old-lady hair.

Ashley Greene in an unfortunate leather ensemble. A leather tank with a peplum and leather booty shorts? Really? But I will say this – from the neck up, this is the best Ashley has ever looked. I love her with really dark hair. She looks great!

Holly Madison looks ready to pop! I feel for her. I think her baby-daddy is super-shady and she’s probably going to end up raising this baby alone. But I love her hair here too!

Photos courtesy of Judy Eddy/WENN.com.

When we were figuring out assignments, everybody completely blanked out on George Clooney and Stacy Keibler!! Ha. The (Self-Appointed) Chairman will not be happy about that. Anyway, George had a good night. He produced Argo, and his boy Ben Affleck won Best Director and the film won Best Drama, following the same pattern set by the Critics Choice Awards. So why and how did Ben get snubbed for an Oscar nomination for Director? I still have no idea, unless the Academy has been reading Celebitchy and/or they think/know he’s full of it.

But back to Clooney… he brought his girl with him. Can you believe that this is Stacy Keibler’s second awards season? Elisabetta Canalis made it through two awards seasons too, didn’t she? So Stacy is in special territory, soon to be unchartered territory once she hits that two-year mark this summer. Will she make it? Indicators suggest she might… maybe. My indicators include “shows steady improvement in styling” and “doesn’t speak unless spoken to”. Stacy achieved both on the red carpet last night. Her dress is Armani, and it was a really nice and appropriate look. Her body looked great, and she kept everything simple. I thought her hair was TOO simple, but it’s okay.

As for Clooney, he had two of my favorite moments of the night. First, on the red carpet, he was walking up to Ryan Seacrest as Julianna Margulies was leaving, and when she saw him, she hugged him… hard. Like, it was a hug of genuine friendship, not some quickie professional hug. Call me crazy, but I buy that Clooney & Marguilies really love each other (as friends). My other favorite Clooney moment was when Amy Poehler sat on his lap and they had a drink together. That was amazing!!

Photos courtesy of PR Photos, Fame/Flynet and WENN.

Nicole Kidman arrived in LA a few days ago, and the way the paparazzi treated her arrival at the airport, you’d think that Nicole was some kind of major contender during the awards season. Oddly enough, there was such a weird chance that she WOULD be an Oscar contender – Nicole scored both Golden Globe and SAG nominations for her peeing-on-Efron role in The Paperboy. Is Nicole Kidman the kind of actress who gets nominated for simply showing up in a film at this point? Is she at that level? You know who is at that level? Meryl Streep. Maybe Dame Judi Dench. But that’s about it. But no matter how many times I cry “WTF?” about Nicole’s nominations, I’m actually happy that Nicole will be present during the awards season. Just because of fashion… and Botox-face.

Speaking of, here’s a little preview of Nicole’s Golden Globe appearance tonight. Last night (Saturday), Nicole was the main A-list guest at the ‘Gold Meets Golden’ event at The Lounge. Nic wore this rather fantastic Oscar de la Renta suit (the shoes are Nicholas Kirkwood) which is occasion-appropriate and lovely. Keith Urban was there too, looking the same as always. I’m not going to harp on and on about it because I know some of you are die-hard Kidman-loonies, but dear God, THE BOTOX. You know she just got re-frozen for the Globes too. Her face looks freshly jacked. Ugh. She doesn’t need to do this.

Guess who else was at the same event? Stacy Keibler! She wore a Prabal Gurung dress which I’m not crazy about, but I think that’s just because Stacy is one of those girls… those girls who make designer clothes look cheap. It’s a gift. Something nice: her hair is improving.

Photos courtesy of Brian To/WENN.com and Fame/Flynet.

Here are some more photos from the VH1 Divas purple carpet last night. I cannot emphasize enough how budget this whole thing was. Like, Miley Cyrus was literally the biggest name on the carpet. For real. So Miley played the part of A-lister last night in this totally ‘80s cutout dress which is Omo by Norma Kamali. While I’m not a big fan of Miley’s whole look these days, I guess this isn’t her worst. The dress kind of suits her, and it could be much, much worse. Meanwhile, Miley’s hair just keeps getting shorter and blonder. I don’t even know. I’m not into it and I don’t think it suits her, but whatever. I’m tired of yelling at her. I can’t even work up the energy to yell at her about wearing some drawers. I guess panties wouldn’t have worked with the dress?

And here’s the other big “get” of the VH1 Divas event, Stacy Keibler. These are the first photos of Stacy where I wondered, “Damn, is George Clooney keeping HER in a sex dungeon?” Stacy looks absolutely exhausted and drawn. She looks really thin too. Her suit is by Monique Lhullier (I guess Lhullier has a bondage collection now?) and the shoes are Choos. Is it just me or does Stacy look less busty too? Did she get her implants taken out?

Photos courtesy of WENN.

For a while now, I’ve been saying that George Clooney seems like he’s in more pain than he’s admitting. My father dealt with severe back pain for years and years, and that’s the same look Clooney has. George seriously messed up his spine when he filmed Syriana back in 2005, and he’s been dealing with health issues related to that injury ever since. It’s in the way that he stands, the faces he makes when he doesn’t think the camera is on him, the way he walks… dude is in pain.

So, here’s the question: if you’re already in agonizing physical pain, why not use it as an excuse to not get married? This is what George has asked himself. He knows the time is nigh – Stacy Keibler is going to be expecting something, anything, in the way of commitment. She has her eye on the prize. She wants the ring. So George basically told her, “Look, baby, I’m probably going to be dead soon.” And she’s all, “YES, that’s why I want to marry you, you old fart. I would marry your g—damn corpse.”

George Clooney would rather be fitted for a noose than a wedding band – so he’s come up with an incredible new way to weasel out of marriage. The 51-year-old actor is now telling girlfriend Stacy Keibler he doesn’t have long to live!

Gorgeous George has been dating the 33-year-old beauty for nearly two years but insists he’s unfit for marriage because he’s falling apart from a variety of ailments, including recurring bouts of malaria, say sources.

“George says his body has been so beat up by a host of accidents and maladies over the years that he’d make a terrible husband and dad,” an insider told The ENQUIRER.

“But Stacy’s not buying it. She thinks he’s just playing the sympathy card so she’ll feel sorry for him and won’t press him to tie the knot.”

As The ENQUIRER reported in 2004, the Oscar winner practically broke his neck when he fell while filming “Syriana,” and medical experts say he could have been paralyzed or even died.

“I thought I’d had a stroke,” the actor told a reporter. “You can’t see and you can’t stand.”

Clooney wound up suffering such excruciating headaches he admitted he considered suicide. The activist actor also is afflicted with malaria, which he got while doing humanitarian work in Sudan in January 2011.

The illness has flared up at least two times, including last Christmas. Even though Stacy’s not happy about it, she understands that George’s biggest problem is a terminal case of wedding bell phobia, says the source.

“She realizes George will indeed die before he ever gets hitched!”

[From The Enquirer, print & online edition]

Poor Stacy. And poor George. I’m sure all of that kinky wrestler sex is probably rough on his back too. So why does he always go for the wrestler types? Or the Italian ladies with Adam’s apples? It’s like he has a death wish! Also: I had totally forgotten about the malaria. That must have ravaged his system too! Damn, George is in really bad shape these days. He needs to stop with the party girls and wrestlers and find a perky nurse-maid, you know?

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Things got a little bit crazy between George Clooney and Stacy Keibler a few months ago. There were widespread rumors that Clooney was losing interest and that a breakup was imminent. Those rumors came on the heels of Stacy trying on engagement rings and reportedly checking out wedding gowns, so… yeah, I feel pretty confident that she was put on notice. But she managed to bounce back, showing up on Clooney’s arm at some red carpets, and he even took her to Mexico for Thanksgiving, which is like his new holiday tradition. Stacy got back on message (that message: “I don’t want to get married, I’m a guy’s girl, I’m not into commitment” etc) and she kept her position. For now.

But for how long will Stacy be able to stay? I guess it depends on several factors, the biggest one being: is Argo going to be up for all of the awards this year? Clooney executive produced Argo, and if there are awards season red carpets to walk, I think Stacy gets to stay through March at least. Mostly because Clooney doesn’t want to go through the hassle of hiring another girl and getting her trained and styled in time for the Oscars. So… in that situation, Stacy is good for another three months at least. But what then? Well, Stacy has a plan!

Stacy Keibler, 33, has spent most of her professional life using her body to advance her career. But since she started dating George Clooney, 51, she’s been using her head.

“Stacy’s always bugging him about having dinner with his agents and pours on the charm around his management team,” a spy tells Star.

And lately, friends say, she has stepped up her efforts to milk the George machine for all it’s worth – because she fears her famously restless boyfriend might be getting ready to move on.

“Stacy’s desperate to land something meaty before the Clooney halo of publicity evaporates,” the source reveals. “Rumor has it, she’s on a mission to get a spot on American Idol. She was all over Randy Jackson at the AMAs recently, hugging and getting all touchy-feely – which completely baffled everyone. Who knew the two of them were even friends.”

[From Star Magazine, print edition]

Stacy has hustle, I’ve never denied that. What strikes me most about Stacy’s hustle is that she seems to know her limits, and she’s very good at setting attainable goals. Like, she’s not begging George to make her into a supermodel or anything. Stacy takes smaller, lower-profile gigs, like party appearances or Las Vegas “hostessing” gigs or the occasional budget modeling gig, and she’s slowly accruing a nice little nest egg for herself. I think a gig on American Idol is probably a pipe dream, but it’s good to see that Stacy knows where she belongs in general – on reality shows.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet and WENN.

These are new photos of Stacy Keibler at an event for… something something Old Spice. Let’s see… it was the launch of an “Old Spice video game” (WTF?) called “Dikembe Mutombo’s 4.5 Weeks to Save the World.” Something about the Mayan apocalypse etc. Stacy did the appearance with Mutombo, and I’m guessing this was totally a paid appearance. Those video games have a crazy amount of money to spread around, so Stacy probably banked mid-five-figures (at least) for a couple of hours of work. Should we talk about her outfit? I actually like her jacket, although it’s too stiff and I know people are going to scream “PREGNANT!” at her. I feel very confident that she’s not pregnant. I feel pretty confident that Clooney had a vasectomy so there would be no “surprises”. I also have to say… Stacy is looking “hard” here. Too much Botox or too much hard living or something. She looks old before her time.

Anyway, to promote this Old Spice video game (seriously, WTF?), Stacy also did a quickie interview with ESPN. Because why not? You can read the full thing here, but here’s all of the relevant stuff:

ESPN: At 5-foot-11, you’re pretty tall. How is it standing next to the 7-foot-2 Mutombo?
Keibler: I feel like a little girl next to him.

So you were born just outside Baltimore and worked for the Ravens as a cheerleader when you were 18. They just came off a tough loss to the Steelers. Think they can win the Super Bowl?
I have season tickets and I’m still a huge fan. I always go back to at least one game. I’m with them through thick and thin, and I’m confident they will do well this year.

What’s your thoughts on your wrestling career (1999-2006) as a manager and occasional wrestler?
Everything is a steppingstone. It was a great chapter in my life. I spent eight years touring the world and I have wonderful memories. I love my fans. But I’ve moved on to other things.

You’ve worked with various humanitarian organizations recently. What has that meant to you?
I think it’s a responsibility for everyone to give back. With the holidays just around the corner, it’s not all about getting. It’s about giving. Either as a volunteer. A charity. Helping a friend.

And how is it coming with your healthy snack food line?
We’re still in development. But I just set up a trust to raise money for child obesity. We need to re-educate people about what they are putting in their bodies. You can heal your body with food. It can prevent cancer and prevent childhood obesity. You need to be smart about what you put in your body. It’s a huge epidemic right now.

You’ve been dating George Clooney for several years. How do you keep your personal lives to yourselves?
It’s really not anyone’s business. A personal life is a personal life. I know there has to be a happy medium being in the public eye. You just have to remember not to give everything to everybody!

[From ESPN]

Has it been “several years”? No. It’s been about a year and a half, tops. They got together in the summer of 2011, although it seemed more like an international booty call at the time. Do you remember that? Clooney was staying at Lake Como and he pretty much ordered up Stacy and she flew to him, then flew back to LA when he was done with her, and then he called her again a month later or something. The beginning of their relationship was definitely weird. As for Stacy’s “It’s really not anyone’s business. A personal life is a personal life” – good girl. Keep it vague. Don’t offer up too much. I think Clooney has her on notice since she started trying on engagement rings in September.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Here are some more photos from last night’s American Music Awards – you can see my previous fashion post here. I was glancing through all of the red carpet photos, and good God was this a terrible event style-wise. Some of the new trends are “horrible Barbie wigs” and “cocktail dresses with really high necks.” Awful. I was going to make Taylor Swift the lead of this post, but I’m much more fascinated by Stacy Keibler’s Collette Dinnigan minidress. This might be the minidress to end all minidresses. I’m pretty sure that if she even breathed the wrong way or leaned forward a few inches, we would be seeing her Keibler biscuit. Now, all that being said, if Dinnigan had added maybe 3 more inches to the bottom, I would have absolutely loved this dress. Also: WTF was she doing there? “Clooney’s Girlfriend” is not a musical career.

And here we have Kerry Washington in a Stella McCartney Resort 2013 dress. I really like Kerry and I really loathe this dress. Stella McCartney has literally NO IDEA what she’s doing. These look like grandma’s drapes dip-dyed neon yellow.

Gwen Stefani (with her No Doubt bandmates) – Gwen wore Balmain Fall 2012. I think it’s head-to-toe Balmain – I like the leather pants but I think the blazer/jacket is too fussy. Instead of looking like something retro and special, it photographs like a cardigan that Bill Cosby would have worn in 1987.

And finally, here’s Taylor Swift in a Zuhair Murad dress. Much like Keibler, I’m starting to really admire Swifty’s legs. She has nice legs, no joke. As for the Murad… I’m Murad’d out after Kristen Stewart wore the designer back-to-back last week. Plus, this is just a variation on a dress we’ve seen on Swifty dozens of times before.

Photos courtesy of WENN, Fame/Flynet.

Stacy Keibler was a hot mess when she first became George Clooney’s girlfriend. Well, she wasn’t a total disaster – she seemed like a tomboy who was more comfortable in sweats and poly-blends, hanging out at the gym and going out for a liquor-soaked party once a week. When Clooney got a hold of her, suddenly she had a dozen people telling her how to do her hair, what to wear, how to pose, how to speak, what her makeup should look like, and probably much, much more.

Stacy’s first few months as Clooney’s Official Girl were kind of rough, style-wise, as she found her footing. I still don’t think she’s very good at any of this, but there have been some improvements, and maybe the rest of it is a calculated risk – she doesn’t want to look too girlish or youthful, she doesn’t want to over-emphasize her 33 years (?) compared to George’s 51 years. She wants to look like his equal, sort of. Which means she sometimes publicly errs on the side of matronly or fussy or too conservative at times, and Vegas-showgirl-trashy other times. It still doesn’t work, by the way – she almost always looks like Clooney’s daughter, and yet… I have to admit, I think she looks older than 32.

But the real question: is she Botoxing? In Touch Weekly says she is.

Stacy Keibler has quite the poker face.

“For a while now, she’s been sneaking around behind George Clooney’s back and getting Botox treatments,” reveals an insider close to Stacy, 33. “Stacy doesn’t want George to know because he hates plastic surgery on women. Stacy thinks she looks pretty good for someone in her thirties and says there are some things George doesn’t need to know. Her Botox is one of them!”

[From In Touch Weekly, print edition]

Do you think Clooney gives a sh-t if his girls ‘Tox? I don’t think he cares. I mean, he doesn’t want his Official Girl to look like a frozen Botox-Monster (which is perhaps why he never really got with Nicole Kidman?), but I doubt he would care if his girl got some little tweaks here and there. After all, his farewell gifts to some of his girls are implants – he doesn’t have a problem with plastic surgery or any of that, is what I’m saying.

But I could understand if Stacy still wants to keep it from him. She probably doesn’t know what will set him off and make him send her packing. She wants to keep her “easy, breezy” façade as long as possible.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet and WENN.