Celebrities often have a host of problems we regular people never think about. Like what if you Master Cleanse too many times and lose too much weight? Or what if your crazy needle habit leads you to have all sorts of silvery, scaly looking fish skin? What do you do to get back to a look that’s more reasonable?

Well you call Lego is what you’d do. For the mere cost of a design team, the Dutch company will spruce you right up and bring you back to a significantly sexier shape. Sure you could go the Milton Bradely route, but they’re just going to whore you up. Lego will keep it classy – and square.

DAVID and Victoria Beckham have had some serious plastic surgery — and been transformed into Lego figures.

Posh and Becks are among the stars immortalised in toy bricks to celebrate the 30th birthday of Lego people.

Madonna, Amy Winehouse, The X Factor judges — Simon Cowell, Dannii Minogue, Cheryl Cole and Louis Walsh — have all had the treatment.

Lego’s masterminds also created Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Alan TItchmarsh and Sir Cliff Richard.

They join the four billion cops, builders, nurses and Darth Vaders already made since 1978 — but won’t be going into mass production

[From the Sun]

I think this is a seriously fantastic idea. Don’t like Posh’s latest bug glasses? Take them off and wait for your little sister to swallow them accidentally. Just like I never did to mine with a Barbie shoe… or a leg from a Cooties game. If you happen to be a frustrated writer that wants to do terrible, mean things to Madonna, you’ve got your little one right there. Poke away.

While I think the Madge Lego is sorta blocky (no pun intended) and grandmother-like, I think the Amy Winehouse Lego is a significant improvement. I could go either way on Becks – it’s hard to improve on perfection.

I am a little confused by Posh’s saggy boobs. It could just be due to the fact (I assume this is a fact) that it’s challenging to replicate the look of dart-boob implants on a flat surface. Yet somehow they come off as rather matronly to me. Probably won’t be that hard to keep Lego Becks away from her. Plus he looks sorta angry. Maybe that’s why.

There are at least two new official action figures coming out that depict Heath Ledger’s much-anticipated Joker character in the Batman movie The Dark Knight, which is due for release on July 18. Ledger called his Joker “a psychopathic, mass-murdering, schizophrenic clown with zero empathy …” and was open about how he suffered insomnia and psychological torment during his grueling preparation for the role. His family said that it’s fine with them that the action figures are released and that Heath was proud of his portrayal of the Joker. The NY Post quotes a toy expert who acknowledges that the action figures may become collectibles as a result of Heath’s untimely death:

The Post got a sneak peek at the action figures for this summer’s upcoming Batman flick “The Dark Knight,” in which Ledger stars as the psychotic villain The Joker .

Although the doll is being unveiled less than a week after Ledger’s funeral, his family stands behind the company’s decision to go ahead with marketing the collectible.

“Heath was very proud of his work in the film, and his family is aware and supportive of Warner Bros. and its partner’s plans for the movie,” said a family spokesperson.

Mattel will be selling two versions of the Joker doll, both of which hit store shelves in May.

The first retails for $7.99 and features a rocket launcher that can be placed in the Joker’s hand.

The second (pictured), a slightly larger, more detailed version created by famed action-figure designers the Four Horsemen, sells for $10.99 and comes with a toy knife.

“It’s not exactly a marketing point,” said Mattel’s P.J. Lewis of Ledger’s death. “But kids are going to buy the toy if they like the movie.”

Cliff Annicelli, editor of Playthings magazine, said he believes Ledger’s death will definitely increase sales of the Joker figure, especially among adults.

“I would expect it will be a hotter collectible than it would have been before his death,” said Annicelli.

Mattel will probably rely on comic book stores, instead of toy stores, to sell most of the figurines, he added.

“That’s been the marketing plan all along, because the movie is dark and not particularly kid-appropriate,” Annicelli said.

[From The NY Post]

I really want to see this film, because the last Batman with Christian Bale was phenomenal. It was a rare mix of a superhero action film with real depth and emotion. Plus, there was Christian Bale. It’s going to be hard to see Heath on screen, and not think about the fact that he’s gone and that it was one of his last roles. He’s undoubtedly owned it, and advance buzz is that his Joker is darker and scarier than we’ve ever seen before.

Warner Brothers is expected to step away from marketing the film based on The Joker out of respect to Heath. The NY Daily News quotes the editor of boxofficeguru.com as saying that “Ledger’s portrayal of the Joker is already one of the most anticipated screen characters of the whole year.”

Here’s the trailer for Batman: The Dark Knight

Thanks to /flim for the movie poster below and still of Heath and Maggie Gyllenhaal. There are other genuine-looking photos of Heath’s character floating out there that I’ve found, but they seem to be off limits for now.

Paris Hilton has a range of dolls coming out. They aren’t meant to look like her, her wonky eye was too difficult to recreate in a doll without moving eyes, but she has styled them and their accessories.

Little girls who cannot get enough of US showbiz personality Paris Hilton will be able to buy fashion dolls that wear dresses chosen by the millionaire heiress herself. Simba Toys, a German company, launched the range Wednesday on the eve of the Nuremberg Toy Fair in Germany, the world’s top toy event.

The Hilton dolls will go on sale in Europe this year alongside Simba’s existing doll character, Steffi Love, which competes in a fashion doll market dominated by a US rival, Barbie.

Earth Times

I doubt that many parents will buy these dolls for their kids, although my 12 year old sister is demanding one. Parents do buy their kids those equally unappealing Bratz dollz, so the Paris-styled doll could be popular. The doll isn’t actually created in Paris’ image, but is styled by her, featuring a mini skirt and trendy accessories like an MP3 player, with silver streaks in the doll hair.

Paris, while vaguely involved in the design of the doll, won’t be putting in a special appearance at the launch. A Paris look-alike will be at the event. Paris will be too busy promoting her lame-ass movie The Hottie and the Nottie, or her perfume, or some other crap. Is there anything that girl won’t endorse? Actually, this isn’t her first offer of a doll designed in her image…

Paris Hilton turned down the chance to have a sex doll made in her image - because the idea freaked her out. Hilton hated the thought of strangers making love to a doll that looked exactly like her, even though the venture would have made her a fortune. She says, “I turn down perverted things, some sex things. Like a Paris Hilton blow-up doll. “They were like, ‘They’ll sell for $50,000 each, it’ll be the real-life you.’ And I’m like, ‘I really don’t want a real-life me with anyone, anywhere. No!’”

Contact Music

Basically, the marketers of the toys know who is going to buy them – the men who wanted that sex doll. So Paris, you’ve just endorsed a sex doll, in miniature. Even if it’s not used in the same way (please google this, don’t ask me what people do with sex dolls, I’m a bit prudish and not really up to explaining) but my boy cousins always enjoyed coming around and taking the clothes off of my Barbie dolls to look at their bits. I wonder if they got a shock when they saw their first naked woman. “What! Her boobs aren’t at right angles to her body, and she has genitalia!” Fortunately for the boys who check out the Paris doll for the same reason, they have the opportunity to see her naked online.

Picture note by Celebitchy: Thanks to Faded Youth Blog for the header image, via Gossip Rocks.