Kris Jenner takes the “25 Things You Don’t Know About” in this week’s US Weekly, with her daughter’s 1.0 face and airbrushed “size 2” bikini body on the cover. This was probably something Kris negotiated with US as part of Kim’s kover, and she manages to fit in a little pitch for her QVC clothing line. Kris’ list is pretty narcissistic and self-important, and it lacks any self deprecating humor, like Anderson Cooper or Kal Pen’s lists. It’s not as obnoxious as her sort-of son-in-law Scott Disick’s list, or as braggy as actor Joe Manganiello’s. It’s just about on par with what Paris Hilton wrote about herself, and I even found a lot of the same topics covered between Paris and Kris. It’s all about the things Kris likes and what she’s accomplished, and somehow we’re expected to find it interesting.

1. My husband, Bruce Jenner, bought me a Harley-Davidson motorcycle for Christmas one year. I crashed it that day.
2. I make a killer guacamole.
3. I have never had braces.
4. I learned how to surf growing up in San Diego.
5. I am deathly allergic to bees and carry an EpiPen with me at all times.
6. I relax by organizing my drawers.
7. I get crazy if someone is late.
8. I keep every card anyone has ever written me. I’m mushy like that.
9. My favorite movie snacks are popcorn and Milk Duds.
10. I sang in my own music video “I Love My Friends,” in 1985.
11. I designed every piece of clothing in my Kris Jenner Kollection for QVC, down to the stitching and buttons.
12. My favorite vacation spot is Mexico.
13. My celeb crush is Alec Baldwin.
14. I played a hooker in Cabaret!
15. I get the same three gray hairs colored every two weeks with my hairdresser Alex Roldan – for the last 30 years!
16. I love to wear sexy matching lingerie.
17. My favorite movies are Doctor Zhivago and The Sound of Music.
18. Our Christmas Eve party at home is my favorite night of the year.
19. I make my son-in-law, Lamar Odom, lemon cake once a week. Now I just have to figure out how to get it to Dallas!
20. I feel naked without sunglasses on, even at night.
21. I don’t like mean-spirited people.
22. I collect waaaay to many sets of dishes.
23. I am completely OCD about my surroundings.
24. I find peace in my heart at church.
25. My favorite person on the planet is my grandson, Mason Dash Disick.

[From US Weekly, print edition, January 9, 2012]

So both Paris and Kris assume we’ll be entertained just by knowing more about them. They don’t try to be funny or even bother to sound a little humble about anything. The thing that really bugs me is that Kris thinks we want to know that she likes to wear matching lingerie. That’s just making me imagine Bruce trying to make a sexy appreciative expression with that mask he calls a face. Nasty. At least she’s not oversharing about their sex life. That’s probably because, unlike that dude she fathered Khloe with, they don’t have one.