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The time is fast approaching for the vacuously reprehensible Paris Hilton to make a return to television in “The World According to Paris,” but the only thing that truly troubles me here is that this show will play on the Oxygen network. Really? It seems slightly surprising that Oprah Winfrey’s cable network would go for Paris, who truly seems much more suitable for E!, but I guess that network is all booked up with Kardashian shows, much to Paris’ chagrin. At any rate, Paris has been promoting the show in her general lazy way; this is, she has pushed up her boobs, attended an official launch, and posed on the red carpet with her mom, aunts, and creepy boyfriend. Also, Paris has dictated her own “25 Things You Don’t Know About Me,” which isn’t quite as hilarious as Britney’s recent list but still fairly indicative of a lack of reality nonetheless.
1. I love scrapbooking and creating albums as gifts for my friends and family.
2. I was born in NYC and grew up in a hotel.
3. I’m an amazing cook. I’m really great at making big breakfasts, but my specialty is lasagna.
4. I’ve played piano since I was 5.
5. I have naturally curly hair.
6. Katy Perry’s music always puts me in a good mood and makes me want to dance.
7. I have pet rats.
8. I love applesauce.
9. My most prized possessions are the dresses my grandmother left me.
10. When I was little, my mom would punish me by unplugging my private phone.
11. I’ve seen There’s Something About Mary countless times.
12. My aunts [Kim and Kyle Richards] are on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, and it’s one of my favorite shows!
13. I was a high school cheerleader.
14. I own my own motorcycle team, and they just won their first race in France this week!
15. I love Forever 21.
16. I’m really good at skiing.
17. I was vegan for two years.
18. I like to go fishing.
19. Elizabeth Taylor was my great aunt. [Taylor was wed to Conrad Hilton, Jr. from 1950 to 1951.]
20. I have a race car license.
21. I love to draw. I’m always sketching designs for my handbag and footwear lines.
22. I can play the violin.
23. I love to play practical jokes on people.
24. I speak French but want to learn more languages.
25. I’m a daredevil and love to skydive!
[From Us Magazine]
Wait, doesn’t everyone know that Paris grew up living at the Waldorf Astoria? That place has bedbugs now too, which cannot be a mere coincidence by any stretch since Paris is very famed for her various strains of cooties. Seriously though, her mom’s idea of punishment when Paris was just a young child was to unplug Paris’ private phone line? Pish posh.
Honestly though, I can buy that Paris loves scrapbooking because she loves to gaze upon pictures of herself. Her friends and relatives probably just roll their eyes when she presents gift-wrapped photo albums of Paris (!) at their birthday parties and other holiday celebrations. And Paris is an amazing cook just like Goop! They should totally hang together, and maybe Paris can guest-write an upcoming issue of the newsletter. Poor Gwyneth would just die over that one.
Photos courtesy of WENN
Written by Bedhead
Posted in Paris Hilton
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71 Responses to “Paris Hilton’s “25 Things You Don’t Know” is just as ridiculous as expected”
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Paris – refusing to eat and only doing cocaine is not considered “vegan”.
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How hilarious that under ” I used to be vegan for 2 years”, she then says, “I love to fish”. Oh, Paris! The incongruity and hypocrisy of the brainless!
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Did Oprah purchase Oxygen or something? Oprah’s network is OWN and relatively new, Oxygen is completely different, owned by NBCUniversal last I checked and has been around for at least a little bit. They have That reality show Bad Girls Club. Unless I missed that part where Opes took hold of Oxygen, I believe you’re mistaken…?
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is she pregnant? or just getting fat
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that pose does her no favors.
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Elizabeth Taylor is now rolling over in her grave.
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And what is with that weird gut she’s sporting in the first pic? It looks like a distended belly you would see in a Christian Children’s Fund infomercial. Is that coke bloat or is she just getting old and odd-shaped?
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Paris is looking a bit…uh…”fuller figured” these days, no?
Not calling her fat, so no one freak out…but she’s no where near as skinny as she used to be. girls like that, who are naturally thin and don’t work out, always feel the sting when they age and it catches up to them. (I also think she’s not doing coke anymore…)
and her poses are SO ridiculous. (and she seriously looks like a drag queen in that banner pic.) get a new shtick, Parasite.
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Coke bloat…next!
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What in holy hell kind of pose is that in the first photo?
She’s such a dumb bitch.
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“OUI, OUI” is not a criteria for speaking French and “Si” doesn’t mean you can speak Spanish either.
We know all we need to know about Paris, and lack thereof
She is getting fat…bahahaha…I call knocked-up
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she looks pretty here. a bit of weight gain really suits her.
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“10. When I was little, my mom would punish me by unplugging my private phone”
What a snotty b*tch!!!!!
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I think she looks really good with a little weight on her. She needs to re-learn how to pose though. Those poses are totally ridiculous and unflattering.
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@KJ: I think Oprah co-owns the oxygen network or did at one time.
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You know I’m Italian and I would like to see (not to eat) the Lasagna according to Paris Hilton.
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Lmao@ Roma that gave me a good laugh.
Her list is a joke, she says she’s a an amazing cook, wouldn’t touch anything she had handled much less put it in my mouth.
when is she going to stop posing like that gawdddd!!!
Her and Goop should do a cook book
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LOL Roma.
It’s kind of pathetic how she keeps clinging to “fame”. No one likes her. Go away!
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Praise St. Angie called it. She was thin, never exercised and now she’s got a paunch. Can’t arch your back like that when you’re rocking a gut.
She’s so over it’s kind of hilarious. She’s relegated to the Oxygen network and she’s been working the red carpet at some really low budget events lately (KIIS FM Hot 100, Young Hollywood Awards, etc.).
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LOL, Bedhead! I was reading her list and I kept thinking, “somehow this reminds me of someone but I can’t quite put my finger on whom”. Then I got to the last paragraph and thought, “The Goopster! YES! It just drips GOOPYness!
I would love to see those two have to face each other in a public social setting. Would they sneer and glare? Would they become fast friends? I think I’ll even take just a candid picture of them interacting together.
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In light of the new wave of reality stars, I kind of think of Paris Hilton as relatively harmless now. I’d rather hear what she has to say over someone like Snookie or The Situation…as messed up as that sounds.
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She gets a few teensy points for having pets rats. Rats make awesome pets.
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i refuse to believe this lazy bitch has the discipline to learn any kind of musical instrument, except possibly the kazoo.
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Holy crap. That is one delusionally narcissistic list.
Going by that list, she is so gifted and accomplished! And according to Paris, she is “amazing”!
:0P
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26. I pay lots and lots of money to look this orange.
27. I think posture is really overrated.
28. I could really rock a catsuit on Dancing with the Stars…if they’d only return my calls.
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@original kate, her instrument has to be the skin flute.
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Shay-I was thinking the same thing! Can you imagine a spawn of Paris? Yikes!
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So wait Kyle and Kathy are sisters? Cos they do look similar…
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@roma lmfao that was hillarious
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There is no way in hell that she can play the violin. That is all.
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Bless her heart… all she wants to be is popular again. Oddly enough I think getting married would help. She is too old to be running the bars.
I agree she does looks better since she has decided to eat.
But I suspect Paris will crap when she spots that picture… in profile… looking like she is entering her 5 month of pregnancy.
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When is she going to go away? And what happened to all the charity work she was going to do after she got out of jail? Like I said in the Arnold post—she’s one of those people who isn’t sorry for what she’s done. She’s just sorry she was caught.
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Can you call someone your aunt if your uncle was married to them for a year?
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Can you call someone your aunt if your uncle was married to them for a year….30 years before you were born?
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26. I am patient zero of both herpes strains.
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Don’t even know why I’m wasting my time pondering the existence of Paris in the first place, but I can’t help but think that it’s too bad her little list doesn’t (and will never) include anything that she’s selflessly and sincerely done to make the world a better place.
If she looked beyond her lip-glossed and over-moneyed bubble, and found a good cause to become involved with, she might actually develop some character. Alas, her self-absorption knows no bounds.
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She has got to be pregnant
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#7 – I knew those horrid little “dogs” she carried around in her purse were rats!
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I agree that she was thin growing up and now it’s catching up to her, definitely not preggos though….I think she looks good, except for the pose, with some weight on her..I’ll be watching the first episode!
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@33&34—That’s what I thought, too. Um, yeah, don’t think so. Would have loved to see what would happen if Nasty had said that in front of Elizabeth.
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I’ve said it before: her boyfriend looks like Scott Peterson. Creeeepy.
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Oxygen is not Oprah’s Network. Hers is called OWN and is waaaay to classy to ever have a reality show from Paris Hilton on it.
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I think she looks really good! The girl has been working out and eating good food. I swear she has pipes in one of those photos. A BIG improvement on her former unhealthy looking shape! The orange skin was a bit too much though… otherwise, gorgeous.
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3. I’m an amazing cook. I’m really great at making big breakfasts translation – big bowls of cereal , but my specialty is lasagna. translation – and my specialty lasagna is called Stouffers
4. I’ve played piano since I was 5.clarification and I play it as well as I sing
22. I can play the violin.clarification – see #4 above
23. I love to play practical jokes on people. note: as exemplified by “career” in entertainment
24. I speak French but want to learn more languages.translation – I know the word Champagne
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Plays violin – yeah 1 note, Speaks french – being able to say Oui doesnt mean you can speak French. Wow she is really full of herself as always.
She looks completely preggers in the first pic!
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uh, yeah…did i miss something? is she pregnant???!!!
dear lord in heaven.
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Zoya, hilarious!!!!!
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@ Circe, I love rats too! However, I pity any fur babies who end up in Paris’ possession. Seems like all her pets get ditched when they aren’t cute enough to carry around or she gets bored with them.
LOL @ the Elizabeth Taylor thing. She was your great aunt by marriage for one year. Big whoop.
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Actually, Oprah is one of the founders of Oxygen.
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Wow….must be nice. Having/being born into $ surely does allow one the privilege of a great many experiences. She looks great with the exception of the first pose and for some reason the last one as well.
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HAHAHAHA!!
skin flute:)
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she’s got the worst taste in shoes
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She looks pregnant in the first picture. I highly doubt she plays the piano, violin, or speaks French. Being able to play a few notes and simple songs, and knowing a few French words doesn’t count. Elizabeth Taylor is not her great-aunt considering she got divorced from Conrad Hilton very quickly (he apparently had a volatile temper, drunken rages, and I think supposedly hit her btw) And then the whole vegan line followed by the fishing line? Really? This is the absolute worst one of these lists I have ever had the misfortune to read. I really wish she would just fall off a cliff and do the world a favor.
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P.S. @ol cranky: BRILLIANT. Love it.
@Chickie Baby: Absolutely agree. Amen.
@Nanz: Good call on her boyfriend looking like Scott Peterson, he just oozes sliminess, much as she does. (Shudder) Has anyone else noticed that her boyfriends have steadily gotten grosser, uglier, less famous, and less rich? I thought Stavros Niarchos and Paris Latsis were actually hot, and they came from wealthy families. This dude is a creepy nobody.
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I’m just glad she doesn’t look like she has an eating disorder anymore. She could actually be a role model for healthy body image if she cared.
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She was a cheerleader? Holy sh!t, now THAT I didn’t expect.
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Yuk you b!tch- Elizabeth Taylor was NOT your aunt. This skeevy b!tch mentioning Elizabeth Taylor makes my skin crawl
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When, oh when, will that awful posing with one hand awkwardly placed on the hip go away? And not just by Paris. By everyone under the age of 45. They look ridiculous.
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“I speak French but want to learn more languages.”
wait – i seem to remember a few year ago paris was asked about going to europe and she said she couldn’t go to europe because she didn’t speak french. i laughed at the time because dumbass mc orange thought everyone in europe speaks french. sooo…..
you lie!
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My god, she annoys. And I’m a pissed that she owns a motorcycle racing team. I follow MotoPG and I just really HATE seeing “Paris Hilton Racing” on my screen when I’m watching. Her promo shots with her racing team (aaaaack!) are so stupid and her flagrant camel toe in that white jumpsuit is just about the worst I’ve ever seen.
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if you really need to see it:
http://projects.accessatlanta.com/gallery/view/entertainment/paris-hilton-racing/
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these are, hands down, some of the funniest comments ive seen here:)))))))
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Because of Oprah’s last show publicity, I just learned that she had a stake in Oxygen at one time, but was upset with their choice of programming. Hence, eventually getting OWN.
Find the irony of Paris growing up at the Waldorf, and not the Hilton. Makes her a real life Eloise.
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@ gonzo: well what do you expect? the poor child probably has a hard time finding cute shoes in size 18
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Holding a stiff rod over your shoulder does NOT make you a violn player…LMAO.
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I hate this one and her Vanna White circa 1987 dress up there.
But a race car license–that’s pretty badass.
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I love Paris but I don’t buy that she plays any instrument haha and that she speaks French LOL She barely speaks English hahahha
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I saw her wipe a kids nose once on The Simple Life. Thats the only positive thing I can say about her.
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ha. she gains a few pounds and that’s all anyone can comment on.
Ugh. Honestly.
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shes` way hotter than most of u lol. I cant stand people who bitch about something pointless shes` beautiful get over it. I mean look she actually does work out now shes` buliding muscle with her new bf working out. I cant imagine what was posted is true some of it dosent seem real.
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ewwwww rats! thats` so freakin gross yeah right paris does not have rats` shes` too classy for that! Who ever has rats` is so gross I mean what do u bathe them or what? GTL! is what Im thinking after hearing about gross rats!
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