Us Weekly: Katy Perry “made it her mission to hook up with John Mayer”

Katy Perry

Honestly, I can’t stop laughing at this story because it’s the perfect storm of ridiculousness that also possesses the misfortune of very likely being true. As we’re all well aware, John Mayer is very adept at scooping up damaged young ladies and then doing, well, whatever he does to them, but let’s not waste precious brain cells digesting the possible physical permutations. Most recently, he’s done a number on Taylor Swift and Jennifer Aniston and then tried (but failed) to get ahold of poor Jennifer Lawrence. All along, he’s the kind of douche who claims to not even recall speaking of his David Duke c*ck. Because, let’s face it, that admission would be too gauche.

Who’s up next on John’s douchey agenda? Katy Perry. Hilarious but believable, right? The dude had better be careful, lest he ends up the subject of yet another passive-aggressive pop song, right? Here’s the story from Us:

John Mayer

Katy Perry’s last Friday night was a memorable one: She spent it with John Mayer!

Days after her divorce from Russell Brand was finalized, she joined the singer July 19 at West Hollywood’s Soho House. “They were affectionate, holding hands and cuddling!” says a witness. The duo had an encore the next night, when the Montana-based crooner, 34, shared pizza with Perry, 27, at her house. If it all seems a little rushed, consider that Perry — also casually seeing musician Robert Ackroyd — has had a thing for Mayer for years.

And onlooker recalls a flirtfest at NYC’s Goldbar on September 11, 2009, when “she made it her mission to hook up with him.” However, they left separately — then Perry hit it off with Brand the very next day. While Mayer’s rep says “they’re not dating,” Perry is plowing ahead. Says the insider, “She nailed down her crush!”

[From Us Weekly, print edition, August 6, 2012]

I can totally (and I mean totally) buy that Katy has been secretly pining over John Mayer for years. He’s such a douche, you know? Maybe he’s really “The One Who Got Away.” Ugh, I just grossed myself out. Seriously though, these two would make beautiful babies, but it’s just a good thing that neither one of them has much interest in procreating. Can you imagine?

Speaking of bad boys, TMZ has just announced that Katy’s ex-husband, Russell Brand, will formally be charged with a felony for the March incident when he allegedly smashed a paps cell phone into the window of a Nawlins shop window. Russell has already hired a “high-powered New Orleans attorney” to fight the charges in this case, for he faces a possible 6 months in jail if convicted. And yet … Chris Brown still roams free.

Katy Perry

John Mayer

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet and WENN

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58 Responses to “Us Weekly: Katy Perry “made it her mission to hook up with John Mayer””

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  1. phoenix says:

    I don’t think this will happen. JM has to be on vocal rest for like 6 months.

  2. brin says:

    Gross…he’s the Pied Piper of douchery.

  3. Celeste says:

    John Mayer is a douche. He’s gross. Where’s the Lysol?

  4. Paula says:

    He got fat! They both are talentless!

    • Stormy says:

      She is talentless,he,unfortunately is very talented,imo.

      • Susana says:

        Unfortunately? Why?

        He is very talented, it is a fact, he’s one of the best musicians we have around these days.

        Unfortunate is his turmoil of personal life…everyday a new story.

        But since I don’t give a damn about his personal shit, what I pay attention is his music, and that he does well.

        So to me it’s all that matters, he’s a good musician, I appreciate his work and I like listening to it, and that’s what should matter.

        The rest? The rest is irrelevant.

  5. Pix says:

    She must be in a really dark place if she is actively seeking to contract a STD.

  6. RocketMerry says:

    Shouldn’t be that difficult.
    Just call him up on the phone and drunkenly slur “Me wanna sleep with you” or something to that effect.
    That should take care of it.

  7. Eve says:

    They’re a perfect match.

  8. cupidityrox! says:

    She’s proven she’s dumb & he’s an ass so they’re perfect for each other. What would their celeb moniker be? Merry? Joty?

  9. Palefire says:

    John Mayer said J. Simpson was sexual napalm in a interview right? Lol any who I dont understand was he trashing her saying she sucks or was complimenting her saying she was amazing in bed ? Someone explain that please…..blonde here. Lol

    Didn’t he trash Aniston too? Taylor Swift wrote a song about him being a jerk. He seems v self absorbed and a shitty partner. Why would anyone go near him?

    • gg says:

      I took that to mean Jessica was really, really hot for him. Like she just burned him up with her hotness. He must be a boob man.

    • stellalovejoydiver says:

      Swifty, Aniston and Simpson… he´s got a type(blonde, self-absorbed and vapid, not black/violet etc , selfabsorbed and vapid). I´m not saying he´s not gonna hit it, but a “longterm”(haha) relationship with Katy Perry, I don´t know…

      • Who Cares? says:

        Who cares? After reading what Melissa M said about what happened at John Mayer’s end of tour wrap party, I’m guessing 2010? I am not flabbergasted. I’d like to honestly hear more Melissa. Melissa dear, do you mind getting a blog and joining Mayer’s tumblr feed and sharing about what happened because there’s a few women who really need to hear this story. I’m sure. I surely don’t care who he’s shagging and if it happens to be true that it’s Perry. Men aren’t missing out. Half of the women Mayer dated had botox injections to keep up their youthful appearances and plastic surgery, except Swift, who of which needs some. Katy has no talent at all. She’s like a mix between a court jester, dresses like the stupid cat in Alice in Wonderland, is a talent-less Lady Gaga wannabe (Gaga can sing and she’s a cool lady), a reject Madonna times Cindy Lauper and some of the worse girl bands from the 80s. Don’t know about STD’s either but wouldn’t doubt it. I’d think that most of Hollywood is infected with something because they all do each other, trade stories, carry black books with grades of how good the sex was and treat sex like it’s a handshake and fist pat. I am not sure why this story even made a splash in the news. Maybe they both need press and Katy is vying to compete with the real women who have talent and are in the lead. She got dusted by Carly Rae Jeapson this week, like Lady Gaga, but not for long, according to Gaga’s tweet. Being that Perry’s team hasn’t denied it, could be a publicity move for her. Where are the photos?

      • sarah evanston says:

        Katy Perry is a natural blonde, she dies her hair.

  10. Melissa m says:

    John Mayer tried to have sex with me a while back (the answer was no) at his tour wrap party. He was extremely bi-polar and perverted. He threw a fit and tried to get his roadies to talk me into it. He’s a freak.

  11. lucy2 says:

    He has become so gross, if this is true, she is such a moron.

    6 mos in jail for that? That’s stupid – pay the fines and damages, be on probation, maybe do a little community service, end of story.

    • gg says:

      I can’t say I blame RB for chucking the phone. I wouldn’t have done it, but if I here he, I would at least have shoved them out of my way. People are just so rude when it comes to shoving their phone into people’s faces and snapping away. There should be laws. The paps are bad enough, but now regular joes are doing it.

    • deehunny says:

      I do think it’s true– seems exactly like her type.

  12. Jeanette says:

    what the what is that man wearing..

  13. midnightmoon says:

    I hate myself for this but he is gorgeous in that shot walking w/his hair blowing&the glasses. As long as I can’t see the maniac spilling out of his eyes, I want, for some seriously self-hating reason. Where is a good shrink when I need one!

    • gg says:

      At least his mouth is closed. Nice cowboyboot Uggs though. (not)

    • Az says:

      I thought the same thing. He is totally my shamef*ck. So embarrassed!

    • Cat says:

      I completely understand what you are saying! I don’t know what it is about this guy. He has this certain “Je ne sais quoi!” I think I just can’t separate his lyrics, which are amazing, and his guitar mastery, also amazing, from the kind of guy he is. What IS my problem! >^,,^<

  14. RHONYC says:

    hope she hit up Cosco 1st for a case of condoms.

    jussayin. :?

    • normades says:

      Unfortunately, you can wrap that thing and still get the herp. With Meyer, I’d opt for a full body condom.

      • Violet says:

        She was married to Russell Brand, so I’m sure Katy’s already got the herp.

        But she should still use condoms to cut down the risk of HIV.

      • normades says:

        Violet: If I were to bet money on it, I’d say you’re right.

  15. Shelly says:

    She needs a new mission. He is just gross. He oozes sleaze and douchiness.

  16. Holden says:

    Perfect match, they’re both kind of dirty looking.

  17. Ramona Q says:

    One John Mayer fan here

  18. Dahlia1947 says:

    She’s a teasing little ho who lets her boobs hang out on Sesame Street then played Little Miss Innocent when parents started speaking up.

    I hope he stopped calling her after the deed was done.

  19. Dinah says:


    Look at the pic with his mouth hanging open, then visualize how much exponentially worse his o-face would be.

    Sorry for the image, I need brain bleach now, too.

  20. skuddles says:

    She’s boinking John Mayer now? Because no young woman’s life is complete without a nice bout of STD’s???

  21. the original bellaluna says:

    They deserve each other!

  22. Marycontrary says:

    John Mayer is just…gross.
    That’s all.

  23. Caz1310 says:

    Um..doesn’t Katy know Mayer’s Super Duper Cooper (Pooper Scooper) rep?? Why would anyone willingly want to have sex with him? Barf.

  24. homegrrl says:

    Jayeeeze people. They’re collaborating on music, It’s thing. Of course she.wouldn’t tap that. BTW kid rock.would shamef**k. Sometimes an articulate educated classy broad (pwahaha) needs some.dirty.junk food. So what if she partakes on the job.