Dax Shepard and Kristen Bell are not my favorite couple but I appreciate that they create content for us. I think they are extremely skilled at getting headlines and knowing how to get press (we talked about this on our second podcast!), but also that they also strive to be open, honest and genuine. It’s not just one thing. Sometimes they makes me roll my eyes and other times I respect what they bring to the table. This is a time I’m respecting them. Dax was a guest on Off Camera with Sam Jones, the same show where Kristen revealed, three years ago, that she has anxiety and depression and takes medication for it. Dax was so open and thoughtful about their relationship. Here’s what he said and the video is below:
He wondered if he wanted to be with Kristen
I have this very weird mix of not thinking I’m good looking, general low self esteem, chip on my shoulder that I’m dumb because I’m dyslexic, yet unbridled arrogance in relationships. I’ve always felt very confident in relationships. I never was like ‘I hope I can keep Kristen.’ I was going ‘Do I want to live with a Christian who has 8 people living in her house for free, who has to get out of her car when there’s a dog without a leash and ruin her whole day to rescue this dog? It’s great and she’s good, but that’s not what I want to do.’Kristen impressed him with her generosity; she didn’t try to change him
So I wasn’t fearful I would lose her. I wasn’t certain I wanted to be with someone like that. What happened is that she never said to me ‘you could be a little better of a person.’ She never suggested I should do that. Instead I looked at the results of how she lived. They’re pretty undeniable. Here’s me that thinks she lets people take advantage of her… I could also acknowledge she’s bringing in a lot more money than [me], she’s getting ahead, she’s doing a lot better than [I was].The reality of how her life unfolds, there’s something charmed about it. It stars with her being endlessly generous and loving and giving people the benefit of the doubt. Downriver it proves to be all those things to her. Me on the other hand I’m like [no one’s going to take my wallet]. Over time [I] couldn’t deny the outcome was so much better for her. More people care for her. It’s just a better life. I wanted what she had and I tried to replicate that.
They both changed kind of organically to be with each other
Conversely, I made a real conscious decision that I wasn’t going to try to make her into the person I want to date. I know what happens when [I do that] I don’t end up liking that person. So I didn’t do that and lo and behold she has come the same distance toward me that I’ve come towards her. Without me she [never would have gone] on your show admitting she has depression.
[From Off Camera YouTube video]
It’s funny that Kristen is such a charitable person, and I truly believe that about her, because her Good Place character is a selfish a-hole. It’s also not surprising to me that Dax didn’t worry about keeping her and was more concerned whether she fit with his life. Aren’t a lot of guys like that? Also, I’m reporting this because his thoughts about relationships are just so damn mature and true. The best relationships are the ones in which you can totally be yourself and where your partner respects you for that. You want to change a little for them because you recognize their good qualities and want to be like them, not because they demand it.
photos credit: WENN and Avalon.red
Ryan Hansen talked about Kristen and how when they were doing VM, he and his wife were staying with her and she did not want them to move out when they finally found a house.
It was a cute story that really did show a lot of Kristen’s character and I walked away really liking her a little bit.
I really love what he had to say. It sounded very authentic.
I agree. It makes me think about my relationship with my husband, and yeah, we kind of have that going, although it’s not anything I’d thought about directly in those terms.
I agree; I like this story for some reason and I like that Celebitchy wrote about it. Just seens honest.
If I remember correctly, they also do regular couples therapy and stay connected to one another. As cheesy as it can sound to some, it’s great to see a couple genuinely invested in being together and not go into the pitfall of taking one another for granted.
It doesn’t matter who you are; relationships mean both parties have to have the same objective…be it staying together or growing apart.
People change,people get older; wiithout honest communication, it’s impossible to do both with each other.
While I appreciate his honesty….she’s too good for him. But, the same can be said for many, many couples.
Agree. I guess maybe she’s down with unappreciative people though from all he shared, and he’s just another one.
She sounds sweet and chronically over generous .
So, is the coordinated oversharing Dax’s idea? Because from the way he described them, it seems like more of a Dax thing than a Kristen thing to do.
Nobody talks about catching pinworms from their kid unless they are naturally an oversharer.
They irritate me … but I have to admit he’s right.
Also wondering why he’s so swollen around the eyes??
I noticed that as well. It looks like a medical condition almost.
Not like adopting pets is the same as marrying someone, but his anecdote rang true for my recent experience adopting two adorable kittens. I loved them, I knew I wanted them. And then on the car ride home, it set in. I’m going to be worrying about these little critters for months until they’re old enough to roam around without supervision. I’m going to need to be on top of their schedule with feeding times and cleaning their litter box, and making sure they get plenty of playtime. I’m going to have these two for 15+ years. Yeah, they’re cute, but do they really fit with my life?
The answer is yes, of course — they’re sweet and make me very happy, and in the long run will be very easy companions to take care of. But anytime you take on a new responsibility — or take on a person in your life who feels a sense of responsibility about the world around them, who might make your life a little more complicated — there’s a definite sense of “what am I getting myself into?”
Those kittens are lucky to have you ❤️
Congrats on the kittens!
I went from one elderly, calm, fairly independent cat to 2 tiny kittens. OMG. I had forgotten how they get into EVERYTHING, and how much more work 2 are vs. 1. Plus one of them is very, very adorably needy. I felt guilty going to work! It is a bit of a life change, and I think anyone can relate to that, whether it’s a pet or a child or any kind of new responsibility.
I like Kristen a lot, mostly because she seems to be incredibly generous and kind, and really works to help people. I’m so-so on Dax – I listened to a bunch of his podcasts, and sometimes he’s very thoughtful and right, and other times he comes across as annoying and in a white male privilege bubble – but he usually does acknowledge that. I don’t quite get their relationship, or why they’re so public about it, but it seems to be working for them.
He really didn’t have to share all this. These people are tiresome AF.
Yeah sure, he could choose not to do interviews and talk about himself. But then thats kinda his job.
I usually feel that way about these two, but this to me felt self-reflective in a thoughtful way. I appreciated hearing it.
I’d be so sad if my daughter was with a guy who was so meh about losing my child. There’s such a thing as being too zen/meh./ok with being alone wtf.
Yes! I couldn’t really put my finger on what bothered me about him, but that was it. She’s your wife, either love her wholeheartedly or get out.
So glad you mention Sam Jones’ work…I’ve found his interviews thoughtful, smart, deep and insightful re artists and they’re processes. A v good antidote too to all that’s base in our culture these days. Highly recommend.
I bet she puts up with a lot being married to him.
His arrogance comes through, wow.
I find that…unappreciative and unromantic.
shades of ben affleck talking about jennifer garner back when they were still married.
I appreciate that they let each other be who they are. I knew I wanted to be with my now-husband the day I squeezed my gut rolls (so the belly button was the mouth) and it “talked” to him about my day. I felt completely fine doing that, not at all self conscious. That’s true love to me.
That, and we specifically swore to one another that if the other were to break both arms, we would promise to wipe their butts for them.
True love, forevah!
Hahaha love this! If i found a person who talked to me with their bellybutton I would fall instantly in love… your partner’s a lucky guy ! 🙂
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They always talk in therapy-speak. Nails on a chalkboard.