Two weeks ago I listened to Jana Kramer and Mike Caussin’s podcast, The Whine Down. It left me in a bad mood, like their toxicity and dysfunction was rubbing off on me. Jana had discovered deleted nude photos on her husband’s phone, which she believes were sent by a bot. That’s possible and they both made a good case for it, however Mike has cheated on her so many times and his cagey responses to her were big red flags. Several of you pointed out that Jana was in a horrifically abusive relationship prior to this and that we should have sympathy for her. (Her ex committed suicide after spending five years in prison for his abuse of Jana.) I’m not unsympathetic to her, it’s just difficult to reconcile that with the fact that she’s airing all this. Jana knows this too. In her latest podcast she seemingly defended Mike, despite the fact that she said she finds evidence of him cheating every time she checks his phone. I’m relying on Page Six’s reporting because I’m not losing a half hour listening to these toxic people again.
“Because of where I’m still at with it, it’s made my anxiety worse,” Kramer said on Monday’s episode of their podcast “Whine Down.” “It’s made me feel more confused and it’s just kind of, like, put more salt in the wound.”
The “One Tree Hill” alum says she also should think twice before disclosing something so personal to the public right away and that it was a “massive lesson learned.”
“There are people out there who think Mike actually cheated,” she said.
Caussin, who has been open about his sex addiction, has promised that something like this “won’t happen again,” which Kramer says she has “heard so many times.”
“I think maybe now he sees how bad that wound is for me and the trauma of finding things — whether he did something or not,” said Kramer. “I’m to the point of, like, literally a nervous breakdown, where I just can’t physically handle it anymore.”
She added that she thinks there will never come a time when she can trust him again.
“I told Michael the other day, I was just like, I don’t believe that there won’t be another time, and that sucks to, like, have to feel that,” she shared. “How do I believe that when I’ve heard so many times, ‘I’ll never do it again. I’ll never do it again’? So, it kind of puts me in this really awkward situation, and it makes me look weak and to have to be, like, continuing to stick around, whether he did something or he didn’t. I believe that he didn’t. I know it wasn’t a real person. I know all of those things. It doesn’t matter.”
Kramer, who believes the photo may have been sent through a bot, just wants her husband to know that she can’t bottle it up every time he hurts her.
“I need him to understand how deep that wound is for me when I discover something, whether he did something or not,” she said. “That is just like — it’s painful. And I just can’t physically hold that anymore.”
Mike did actually cheat, so many times by their own admission, and she keeps forgiving him and taking him back and doing therapy and rehab and all these things which are not changing him at all. As I said before, if someone cheats on you more than once and you take them back you’re teaching them how to treat you. I don’t agree with taking someone back after cheating even once but some of you do, if the person is sincere and it’s not a pattern. This goes way beyond that. Also Jana knows what she’s doing by putting her pain and humiliation out there. If she didn’t do that there wouldn’t be as much interest in her. Rinse and repeat.
….because you two will not stop talking about that illusion.
When you monetize your pain….
Well you’ve just answered the question I was going to post: why is she sharing all of this? Don’t they have children who will one day learn of all this?
My thoughts exactly. Won’t someone think of the children! Gosh, I’d feel absolutely terrible and super confused and probably dysfunctional reading this about my parents. Those children will have no idea what healthy relationships look like. I almost feel like Jana doesn’t care he cheated because she loves the power of hanging it over him. For trying to make it work, their entire marriage and work life revolves around it. Judas, move on or don’t. But just commit to one direction.
I’m sure she thought she was documenting her husband turning over a new leaf and how their love story recovered from that betrayal. I want to feel sorry for her, and I do, just not in the ways she would prefer. I just see her as obnoxiously delusional.
The only thing I know about this woman is that her husband cheated on her and her entire existence seems to revolve around that. She was the same one that thinks she can’t hire female nannies, right? Because her cheating husband will cheat again if he has any proximity to a woman, and obviously all women want him too, so best to just nix all unnecessary female contact. What a terrible way to live.
The sick thing is, she’s probably right about female nannies… yet she stays with him still! It’s mind-boggling.
Seriously. How do you live like that? Of course she’d feel anxious all the damn time. Half of the world’s population is a “threat” to her marriage. She is utterly exhausting. Why is she still in this marriage? She’s still pretty young, has her own career and money, and no one deserves this. She literally does it to herself. She’d probably be happier alone than with this guy. And at least the possibility of meeting someone else would exist then.
My feelings are this; I would never except my partner to cheat. If he made the decision ONCE that is a deal breaker. In this women’s relationship, she’s choosing to except her husband’s infidelity. So that is something that she has to live with. What I chose to live with is not listen to her whining, because it’s offensive too me that anyone would except to be disrespected. His track record isn’t good and if she wants a life of lying and uncertainty, that’s on her.
Well said @Aims, I agree.I have relatives who are in a toxic relationship,getting worse all the time,and cheating was supposedly involved,everyone is mad,people are taking sides,but these are two grown ass adults,and nobody leaves and nobody quits fighting)-they are older and financially secure enough to live separate)Ihave had no contact with them in over 3 years.I can’t stand listening to this kind of insufferable whining and complaining.
Good luck Jana I’m sure you’re going to be fine,but ditching the douche may make life more pleasant.
She needs Chump Lady. The Chump Lady website is the best website for anyone who has been cheated on, lived with a cheater, has a cheater (or a narcissist) as a parent, boss, neighbor, friend, sibling, whatever.
“Is this relationship acceptable to you?” Is this the relationship you WANT? When you think back to when you first started a relationship with this person, is this what your past self thought the relationship should look like? Is his past/present behavior and your feelings of constant dread and anxiety and of having to be the marriage police 24/7/365 acceptable to you? It’s okay to leave someone who cheated on you in the past even if you decided at the time that you were going to stay and try to work it out. You don’t have to wait for them to cheat again so that you have a “valid reason” for leaving. How their past actions are still affecting you right now, today, are reason enough.
Absolutely I agree, cheating never allowed and shows the husband can’t respect her enough to hold back. She’s milking this maybe for celebrity sake, but I doubt the marriage will last that long if he keeps it up–it’ll finally be something she cannot adjust to. Everyone has their breaking point.
This toxic relationship has become a source of income for them it appears. This is so emotionally destructive for her but don’t know if she sees herself as being able to leave it. I don’t know these people and hadn’t heard of them until your last post but I feel suffocated just reading this. This seems like an unbearable way to live.
All of this, and this man will not only cheat on her again but eventually leave her for someone else. This is an example of someone who doesn’t know her worth.
Exactly. He will leave her for someone else eventually and she’s going to wish that she left the very first time he cheated on her. When she was still young and had her whole life in front of her to work and make a name for herself, to heal her psychological wounds, to maybe even find a new, deserving partner, to raise her children in a household that didn’t revolve completely around a cheating asshole and the feelings of guilt, shame, anxiety, fear, self-loathing, and inadequacy that he instills in his family. She’s going to wish that she had left while her kids were still young so that she could limit the psychological damage of living with a gaslighting cheater, who makes everyone (including his children) feel like they’re just not good enough/smart enough/fun enough/nice enough/anything enough to deserve Daddy’s undivided attention and love.
My only takeaway: she was on One Tree Hill? Lmao blast from the past.
Her entire life is just waiting for the other shoe to drop, knowing it’s coming, just not knowing when. She’s choosing that life, but I feel bad for her.
If he is truly committed to being faithful, it’s got to suck to constantly have your past mistakes thrown in your face. They’re both toxic and bad for each other, though he’s obviously worse.
I guess my question is, if she’s finding these pics on his phone, how are all those women getting his phone number?
I think she claimed it was from his last “relapse”
They are bots! It happens to everyone all the time! 🙄
The thing for me would be she FOUND it after he DELETED it. He may (in the most generous possible interpertation) have been trying to spare her pain but it looks like hiding evidence. Yikes!
Ok. Well, I’ve never had random naked pics texted to me so no, it doesn’t happen to everyone all the time.
@SamC – pretty sure that was sarcasm?
The way he is and the way she is, I’m positive there are women trying to sleep with her husband for the lols and the drama. I’m also positive he’s not saying no to all of them.
Agreed with everyone else, this is super toxic and the fact that they’re monetizing it is a new level of dysfunction. Have they ever addressed the fact that their kids are going to be able to listen to and read up on this stuff at some point?
She needs individual therapy and maybe some group therapy. She went through something very traumatic and I wonder if she’s clinging to this because he doesn’t physically abuse her. I have a friend who had a similar experience with physical abuse and word for word told me that when her next bf was emotionally abusive and controlling, it was really tough to hear 🙁
I have no idea who these people are. I left my first husband right after I learned he was cheating. Granted, I was young and we had been married only five years. I had a one-year-old baby boy and had no intention of suggesting an interest to ‘work things out.’ No frakking way, after only five years of marriage? I’m too awesome lol.
I’m not even sure these two have been married more than like a few years themselves. He cheated and she found out before they even got married.
Ever since I read the article 2 weeks ago I’ve been getting texts from bots about being a single female and wanting to meet up, yet I haven’t received any nude pictures. I just delete the message and move on with my life.
listen, i know couples who have survived and healed from adultery and built a very solid partnership. it’s not easy but i’ve seen it happen. what i think keeps getting glossed over is the “sex addiction” part of this. it’s not just cheating here. this is a huge problem. i was involved many years ago with someone who had a sex addiction problem. this behavior is compulsive. and it’s insidious. i made a TON of excuses for my former partner. and that feeling of unease never went away and ultimately i didnt’ stay (thank GOD). i hear so much of the same in Jana and her reactions. she wants this to be a story of redemption and healing but he just keeps doing things that show he’s not going to change. its’ really sad because i see a woman who has been in abusive relationships, probably most of her life, and wants this to be the ONE. and he clearly is not. no amount of podcasting is going to fix that.
I feel like if someone has a true sex addiction, maybe they shouldn’t commit to a long-term monogamous relationship like a marriage. Can’t he have a fulfilling life as a bachelor? Couldn’t he find a partner who was wanted to be in an open relationship?
If I knew I had a gambling addiction and I had a habit of draining my bank accounts and racking up credit card debt so I could gamble, I probably wouldn’t merge my finances with someone else who could be irreparably damaged if I were to drain our joint accounts and run up hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt on credit cards that were also in his name.
Jodi agree with everything you said!
I can’t with these people. They’re making a career out of him being an asshole and her being a victim.
Absolutely! There’s no way I would allow myself to be disrespected and embarrassed by anyone. I don’t care what label you use to justify that behavior.
100% – she’s playing the martyr mom.
Jana honey, when this happens to you again (and it WILL happen again), go sit in the corner and STFU. You will not get much sympathy or empathy from anyone for putting up with his crap.
Amen!!!
Okay, so this might not be popular, but I don’t think the bot story is outright BS. Here’s why:
A couple years ago, I got a text from a random number that said something like, “it was so nice to meet you last night; let’s meet up.” I had stayed in the night before, so I responded that the person had the wrong number. They wrote back that they were certain they didn’t, and I said something like, “sorry you got played, but this isn’t who you think it is.” THEN the number sent me a link to a cam show, and they asked if I wanted to see them get naked (or something to that effect).
The whole conversation unfolded over like an hour. It was bizarre, and when I googled the language of the texts, other people had posted about getting the same “script.” It was really creepy because I totally thought I was talking to an actual person.
“People out there think Mike actually cheated”—can’t imagine why 🙄
Wow! She’s dumber than a box of rocks
Dear Jana,
Oh boy! You’re clearly clueless!
At this point, she is not a victim anymore. She’s a fool!
Morons
KramerGIRL needs to grow up and be a dang WOMAN. Own your life and focus on your children. There is no need to be so damn needy. So, he’s another failed relationship, so what. Grow up, deal with your own issues and maybe then AFTER much time you will be ready for a solid and healthy relationship.
+1
She needs to just say that they are in an “Open relationship.” I mean why not? He’s probably cheating on her right now. I mean let’s face it, she could come home and finding him banging someone in the middle of the living room on a live feed for the internet and she would make excuses for it.
Her poor children. She sets such a terrible, terrible example.
It would only be open…to him. He explicitly said that Kramer having another relationship outside the marriage is a dealbreaker.
This woman, Tori Spelling and Khloe K are identical. They love the drama & to play the martyr. They seek relevance from their victimhood and they absolutely monetise the crap out of it. I feel especially sorry for their daughters. Certainly some arrested development with all of them, they’re stuck at age 16.
Nicely put. They certainly aren’t being the best role models for their children either.
To be fair, bots have tried to send me nudes via Instagram. I don’t open, I just block and they go away.
ORRRRRR find you a man who NEVER has nudes on his phone, “bot” or no bot. They exist!
Okay, let’s say for the sake of argument it WAS a bot. The simple fact that it causes her pain and triggers deep mistrust – all while choosing to believe he did nothing wong – is evidence enough that this realtionship is toxic af and it is time to cut the chord.
She isn’t leaving this douche. She enjoys having a husband who does cheap that gives her leverage.
The high of having a man beg and plead and tell her how amazing she is and how much he loves her and how hard he’s working to keep her after being with someone who treated her like she was worthless.
She went from a very abusive relationship to a toxic one. I think some women have no sense of what is “acceptable” because their norm is to be trampled upon. Add mental health issue like anxiety into the mix and suddenly a distorted picture of reality prevents you from accurately assessing your situation.
I don’t blame her and I truly appreciate when women don’t try to hide the sh*tty things men in their lives do.
She’s working out her trauma very publicly. But better in public, where she can start a dialogue, then in private, where no one close to her knows what’s happening.
Silence around crummy behavior perpetuates shame for the victim and for all women.
Thank you for this comment.
I have no sympathy for her. She stays because of the fame these headlines grant her. If you don’t TRUST your partner, why would you stay? Trust is one of the most basic qualities of even a halfway decent relationship.
They’re the kind of people who love to air their dirty laundry because it gets them attention. There are plenty of famous and non-famous people alike who openly discuss their personal drama because they can whine about it and get sympathy.
“Whining to get sympathy” is not a healthy psychological choice and is indicative of someone’s mental state. If someone is in a place where they feel they can only get my attention through self-inflicted emotional harm, I’m going to listen because clearly they need an ear.
I just don’t get the hate for this woman who is open about her inability to leave an unhealthy relationship. SO MANY WOMEN are unable to leave unhealthy relationships, she’s just open about it.
It’s interesting how if he hit her, we’d suddenly change our tone entirely. But because she’s only being psychologically tormented, we deem her weak for staying.
She’s working out her relationship trauma publicly. She has enough to unpack in therapy without our hate. Random hate from other women isn’t going to give her the strength to leave.
Just another stupid famew**re!!!
I have zero idea who these people are?
This is like trying to heal from burns by letting yourself on fire.
She keeps saying she needs him to understand how deep her wounds go but I don’t think he needs to understand sh*t.
SHE needs to understand how deep HER OWN wounds go and leave that trashbag of a man for the sake of herself and her children.
I know she’s damaged by the abusive relationship she had before this jack*ss, and I would know how messed up you are after. You lose yourself and your boundaries completely.
But you cannot heal and at the same time be with someone this toxic.
She should see her wounds as alarm bells and stop hitting the snooze button on them. Her body and psyche is trying to tell her something. Wake the f**k up woman!
This will not end well.
Who is this? Someone on a tv show that ended about 10 years ago??