Kaitlynn Carter on her two-month fling with Miley Cyrus: ‘It felt exactly right’

miley kaitlynn

I feel sorry for Kaitlynn Carter. I felt sorry for her when she was dating Miley Cyrus too – it was obvious to me that Miley was using Kaitlynn to get attention and to “get at” Liam Hemsworth in a big way. I worried that Kaitlynn might have real feelings for Miley and that Miley was just stunt-queening. Two months after Kaitlynn and Miley started, they were over. Miley dumped her because Kaitlynn was in love with her and wanted to be with her and Miley was just looking for a stunt. So Kaitlynn got left behind and Cody Simpson became Miley’s latest stunt. So, what is Kaitlynn up to now? Writing essays for Elle Magazine where she talks about how she looks upon those two months with Miley as a journey of self-discovery. Honestly, that’s probably one of the best “silver lining” explanations. You can read the Elle piece here. Here’s part of it:

This past July, I went on vacation with a female friend; the next thing I knew, I was in love with her. It wasn’t quite that simple, of course. But it also wasn’t very complicated, either. Until that trip, it had never crossed my mind that I was even capable of loving a woman the way I loved her. But after reflecting on my romantic history, I realized that I’ve never really had a “type.”

…When I was 22, I fell in love with a brilliant but much older man. He was quick, interesting, and the funniest person I’ve ever known. My friends and family didn’t “get it.” In their eyes, our age difference made us an odd match. But there was a chemistry that drew me to him as if I had no say in the matter.

At 25, I met the man I would eventually choose to marry. The legitimacy of that marriage has become a matter of public debate, but for he and I, it was very real. He was quite possibly the most beautiful man on the planet, with a heart of gold and a tireless sense of adventure. I was drawn to his spirit. “You’ll never be bored!” my mom offered, as I wondered early on whether or not he was the right partner for me. Of course, she was right: I was never bored. He became my best friend, and together we had all the fun the world had to offer. Eventually though, after years of constant “excitement,” we found we’d done as much growing apart as we’d done growing up. I began to spend a lot of time traveling on my own or with friends, quietly mourning what I knew in my heart would soon be the end of my marriage.

Shortly thereafter, as my friend and I spent that August traveling through Europe together and trying to move past our respective break-ups, my first and only romance with a woman was born. I fell just as hard for her as I had the older man so many years before. It was that same familiar force of nature; I didn’t have to think about a thing or overanalyze. It just happened and it felt exactly right. Reflecting back on our three-year friendship, I realized I’d always been drawn to her in a way I wasn’t with other friends, but until that trip it had never crossed my mind to think of her in a romantic sense.

Recently I’ve found myself wondering why and how my brain had been programmed to ignore an attraction that in retrospect seems so evident to me. I believe it was all just a matter of chemistry that had nothing to do with gender. I still don’t feel like I’m in a place to label my sexuality one way or another, but I’m okay with that. It’s something I’m still exploring and figuring out. It’s been interesting to watch friends and strangers alike assume I’ll automatically revert to being attracted to men, as if they’re more familiar with my sexuality than I am. Even I don’t entirely understand what my experience this summer means for me going forward—and it’s my experience.

While it was short-lived, I’ll remain eternally grateful to my most recent relationship for opening my eyes to this unexplored part of myself, and for inspiring a new level of self-discovery and wonder at all the possibilities of life. I’ve been forced to get to know myself in a far deeper way than ever before, and not just in terms of my sexual preferences. I’ve also been forced to reckon with who I am as a person. Although the relationship with my friend was often referenced in the media as merely a “summer fling” or a “same-sex affair,” it was so much more than that. This was a profound journey of self-discovery.

[From Elle]

Twenty years ago, this probably would have been a more headline-grabbing essay, but in a culture that increasingly embraces queer identity, experimentation and sexual fluidity, it just seems sort of… obvious. I mean, I get it – she never really thought about having a sexual relationship with a woman before Miley. And now that she’s been in a relationship with a woman, she’s trying to figure out if she would be open to dating more women. As I said, painting this mess as a silver-lining voyage of self-discovery is a good way to look at it. Oh, and Brody Jenner seems to believe that they were never legally married, so…

Miley Cyrus and Kaitlynn Carter enjoy a Taco Tuesday date night at La Esquina in NYC

Miley Cyrus and Kaitlynn Carter enjoy an afternoon walk together

Photos courtesy of Instagram, Backgrid.

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27 Responses to “Kaitlynn Carter on her two-month fling with Miley Cyrus: ‘It felt exactly right’”

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  1. bub244 says:

    It may not be groundbreaking but a discussion and normalisation of fluid sexuality is still welcome. And I can’t help but like her – she seems sweet.

    • CherHorowitz says:

      Agreed. She seems really nice and in her essay she sounds totally genuine. I empathise and relate as a bisexual woman who’s only had actual relationships with men, and i think she explains it really articulately!

    • PALady says:

      Agreed 100%. I also like hearing her first hand account as opposed to just being Miley’s rebound summer fling.

    • otaku fairy.... says:

      This. I liked it.

    • tealily says:

      Yes, it seems very open and vulnerable. I don’t know her from anything aside from this dalliance, but I wish her the best.

  2. Louise says:

    Very well written.

  3. Tiffany says:

    And somewhere Miley is seething that another person she was involved with is level headed and not being a absolute mess.

    • Christin says:

      Kaitlynn is far too reasonable for Miley. She sounds like a polar opposite.

      It would be interesting to know what Kaitlynn’s family thought of this romantic partner, since she describes their views on the other two relationships.

  4. Aliyah says:

    This relationship was stunt-queening for sure, but I also think it was what Kaitlynn said on both sides. Two friends dealing with break-ups and leaning on each other found that there was a little more there. Sometimes while getting over someone and processing a break-up you get on someone else. It happens, and as grating as Cyrus is, it also seemed like people eagerly made her and Kaitlyn’s situation something that it wasn’t and were overly outraged.

    • otaku fairy.... says:

      True. It’s kind of like a recent conversation on another site about the controversy around bratz dolls’ clothes: the big deal made & things expressed in outrage were actually more of an issue than the thing itself.
      Kaitlynn Carter looks like Dove Cameron and Amanda Seyfried. Very pretty.

      • Aliyah says:

        Omg, even as a tween and later as a teen I rolled my eyes at all that whining about Bratz needing to cover up. So many of us girls had those dolls and grew up into fine, woke adults. This mojigato culture can be so ridiculous.

      • otaku fairy.... says:

        Exactly. At the houses of certain religious relatives, our mother would ask us to put one of the less revealing outfits on the dolls ( “You know how _ can be” , she’d say). With friends and everywhere else neither parent actually GAF about how a toy dressed.

  5. Trace says:

    She seems nice, not messy. Miley doesn’t deserve her.

  6. Bettyrose says:

    Elle doesn’t have copy editors? “For he and I…” Cringe. Sob. Curl into English teacher fetal position..

  7. Valiantly Varnished says:

    I feel sorry for Kaitlyn. She was in love with Miley and Miley saw her as a stunt relationship to help garner attention from the media and her ex.

  8. pottymouth pup says:

    “she never really thought about having a sexual relationship with a woman before Miley”

    I don’t think it’s true that she never thought about having a sexual relationship with a woman – she and Jenner (mostly Jenner) have been open about bringing other women into their bed.

    I think this was probably the first time she realized that she could have have romantic/emotional attachment with a woman as opposed to just being open sexually

  9. No Doubt says:

    How is this “obvious”? I think it’s wonderful that she is writing about what she went through during a time when it’s still such a fight for people to be accepted for who they are and who they love. I appreciate her bravery in telling her side of the story.

  10. Case says:

    Her essay really moved me. It’s easy to read headlines and judge people, but she comes across as so genuine and kind here, and I can relate to what she’s saying. I realized I had an attraction to women, in addition to men, when I was 23 or so. I chalked up my interest in women before that as “girl crushes” or just really loving my friends, but no. I realized that I could love them romantically and envision myself in a relationship with them, and that hit me like a ton of bricks. I never even considered I was anything other than straight. I’m not homophobic by any stretch, but we grow up with this internalized heteronormative ideal that can make discovering your sexuality very confusing.

    That was a few years ago, and I’m still not “out.” I’m still navigating what being bisexual, or something else, means for the rest of my life. It feels so messy sometimes, and Kaitlynn described those feelings very well.

  11. Wilma says:

    I really liked reading this for a couple of reasons. It was good to hear from herself on her own terms in her own words. And I really like the way she looks at her relationships as part of getting to know things about yourself and seeing your partner as someone with who you will share travels whilst sometimes having different destinations. That’s such a healthy way of looking at other people.

  12. Jaded says:

    She’s far too good for the likes of Miley.

  13. Caty Page says:

    The Savage Love Podcast created linguistic nuance for the difference between romantic preferences and sexual orientation. For example, one can be bisexual but homo-romantic. Those labels feel more specific and fluid.