Kate Beckinsale: More people would be married if they didn’t have to live together

Kate Beckinsale is covering the January/February issue of Women’s Health, where she of course talks about her fitness and diet. They have quotes from her trainer too, about the work that she does and how hard she trains. Kate can be quite funny and cute at times, she seems like a good person, but she often seems manufactured. That’s how this interview reads too, like what is she really saying? She talks around her brief romance with Pete Davidson. She never mentions his name and makes it about people being sexist and nosy about her personal life. She made out with the guy courtside at a hockey game and is acting like it’s the press’ fault for paying attention to that. Here are some quotes:

On Instagram
“I’m not a social media person, but it’s nice to have this little corner that’s my vibe.”

She doesn’t drink alcohol or caffeine
“I think some people’s systems are just a bit sensitive to things. If you told me you had nausea yesterday, I might start throwing up myself. If I ate too much dark chocolate, it would be like someone else taking cocaine.”

“I’m very connected to my body, so if I’m going to experience stress, I’m probably going to experience it physically. So it’s usually a good idea for me to go do something physical to get rid of it. I kind of have to think of myself as a horse or something – time for a run around the paddock.”

On being married and having to negotiate everyone’s needs
“I think more people would do well married if they didn’t have to live in the same house,” she says. “Being married is kind of easy, but the living-with-the-person thing is a lot. I also think that for women especially—and this is generalizing—but I think it’s common for us to mentally subjugate our needs to whoever else is in the room. So if you’ve got a husband, a boyfriend, kids, or parents, it’s so easy to come in with an idea of what you’d like to do, and then end up going, ‘Oh no, no, no, it’s fine.’ And it’s quite nice to not always have to negotiate that.”

The section where she’s asked about relationships
This isn’t to say being single hasn’t come with its own challenges—especially during the four months she dated SNL star Pete Davidson, and the entire Internet felt they had permission to weigh in. “If everyone’s shitting on you, it can make you kind of ugh for a minute—especially if there’s really nothing wrong,” she says, without acknowledging any relationship in particular. “If you’re strangling a squirrel or hurting someone, I get it, but living one’s life in a reasonably respectful manner shouldn’t invite anyone to get too excited.” Kate has found the attention to how she moves through the world surprising.

“It can feel like a little bit of a political act to be a woman over 32 who is having any fun at all. And by that, I don’t mean doing drugs and drinking and partying—because I never am—but being goofy, and going out, and not going, ‘Omigod, I’m going to sit home and anticipate menopause while crocheting.’ Unless you’re doing that, it somehow seems to be risqué, which is just ridiculous to me. And I witness men constantly doing whatever they like—whether that’s in relationships, or deciding to buy a motorbike, or getting a tattoo. It has not been interpreted as ‘Why hasn’t he had more children?’ or ‘Is he ever going to decide to become a parent?’ or ‘Why has he had so many girlfriends?’”

[From Women’s Health]

Kate can be adorable on Instagram, like this little video she posted doing a choreographed routine to the Backstreet Boys. Plus she loves fitness and posts videos of herself looking hot while she’s working out. That’s in contrast to how she seems in interviews, as it can be hard to parse what she’s saying. That may be by design though, as she said she’s sick of the press misinterpreting her. Of course women our age should be able to bang young dudes, have fun and enjoy themselves just like men do. When you do it so publicly though, people are going to notice. She’s right about the double standard though. I agree with her about how hard it can be to live with someone. It’s tough to run a house with someone else, and I can relate to putting my needs last. I’m trying to change that now that I’m single, but I actually enjoy doing things for other people so it’s a balance.




photos credit: Ben Watts for Women’s Health via promotional email

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65 Responses to “Kate Beckinsale: More people would be married if they didn’t have to live together”

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  1. Wow2 says:

    I 100% agree about the marraige/living together thing. I like my space and living alone.

    • Who ARE These People? says:

      I want adjoining spaces with some common space, especially as my relationship gets older and we get into our own funky habits. And yet this coincides with downsizing and the desire to stretch retirement dollars. Must get creative!

      • Wow2 says:

        Maybe something like a duplex with a door inside for easy access… I feel like I could live with that.

    • Cali says:

      My former English professor, who used to go on tangents, explained to us one day how happy he was in his current marriage of 5 years due to him maintaining his own place and his wife having her own. The homes were close and he said it made their relationship fresh always with “something to look forward to” and gives that sense of privacy that everyone needs. I’ll never forget it because I thought to myself why this isn’t more popular…but he was wealthy that’s definitely one reason he had this option.

      • Rocco says:

        I think tons of ppl would love it but are too afraid of what others would think of their marriage. there’s so many stupid rules & traditions. I know a couple married 40 yrs that can’t sleep together in the same bedroom bc of the guy’s snoring (teehee). They’re still in love & romantic w/PDA etc. But to judgy ppl things like that ‘aren’t normal’ and ‘red flags’ (the irony? those judgy ppl’s marriages are usually terrible)

    • Charlie says:

      They say the new thing is less separate bathrooms and more separate bedrooms. People are living on such disparate schedules these days. We have two good size bedrooms, a small ‘sitting room (3rd bedroom)’ and bath. Our own little suite- we’re living like downsized royals LOL!!

    • Adrianna says:

      We’ve had separate bedrooms for years and it is 100% better than sharing. I can read as long as I want, listen to podcasts without headphones clamped to my head, my own closet all to my self. And that’s not even including how much better for my health not sharing a bed is. Sharing a bed/bedroom is some kind of societal thing and is pointless unless you want it that way.

  2. dlc says:

    She’s publicly made out with other young guys before, and it was barely a blip. But Pete Davidson was a total heat score after he and arianna Grande broke up. Normally neither Beckinsale or Davidson are famous enough to get that much attention.

  3. Claire says:

    What’s the point of getting married if you don’t live together and have separate finances? Why not just be in a relationship and call it good?

    • Flamingo says:

      I totally agree! Quite a few celebrities have recently said the same thing. Trevor Noah said something about being cool with the idea of marriage but not with living with another person in a recent interview. While I get the idea, as I have lived by myself for most of my adult life, it doesn’t seem very practical or financially savvy for the average person. Paying for two households, especially if you have children, just doesn’t make sense to me.

      • Earthbound says:

        THIS. She is far from the first actress to talk about this. It always seems like the epitome of a rich person thing to say, to me. Always “needing” so much personal space.
        Like sharing should be avoided at all costs.

        And like it’s something people should just “try!” Like. …yah. Probably not happening if you’re not middle class at a minimum.

        Me and my husband don’t have much but Lord love him, he’s clean. And tidy. I have no issues sharing our bathroom. Maybe I got lucky.

        As she stated though i do agree It takes work for women in particular to prioritize themselves in any given shared space. It’s definitely hard for me.

    • Who ARE These People? says:

      Sometimes people get married for things like health insurance (at least in the US), pension benefits, and the ability to make health-care and end-of-life decisions for the loved one. Doesn’t mean they want to manage their relationship in other conventional ways.

    • Erinn says:

      I’m married and have separate finances from my husband. We split the bills. I married my highschool sweetheart who I absolutely adore and have no intention of ever divorcing. But just on the tiny chance that that could ever happen in the future, I like the security of us both having our separate money.

      I think if we ever like… won the lottery we’d build a new house with two wings that were very tailored to our specific interests haha. Our own little quiet place. The majority of the house would be just the normal every day shared areas, but we’d both have our own studies or in my case a big room with a “catio”, giant fish tank and lots of plants. For him it’d probably be a little workshop for him to tinker with tools or his mountain bike, with a little personal theatre. So I can absolutely understand why celebrities who have the wealth to keep two homes might find that appealing.

      • Esmom says:

        Erinn, you had me at catio, lol. I know I love it when my husband’s out of town and I have the house to myself so I get people wanting/needing separate spaces. With two different houses, though, at some point it seems like there would be a fine line between being married and being separated, depending on how often you’d see your spouse.

        And good for you for having separate finances, I think that’s smart.

      • Who ARE These People? says:

        Totally into the separate wing idea.

        People would probably judge it, of course.

    • perplexed says:

      If people who aren’t married can live together, you might as well have the option to have it the other way around too (although I understand this would be contingent on financial resources).

      I do think the idea of marriage signals to the world a kind of permanence to the world. Even if you get divorced, people always kind of link you to that person whether you like it or not, whereas I think you can more or less hide your other relationships if you want to. I will always remember that Ben Affleck was married to Jennifer Garner, but I have more or less forgotten about the nanny unless you jog my memory in a gossip post. Elizabeth Taylor’s 8-10 ex-husbands always get listed in a profile on her. You can’t erase the past when you’ve been married. People always remember you were with that person.

    • Adrianna says:

      My son is in his mid-30’s with a good job and will soon be buying his own home having saved a large down payment. He dates on occasion but has no interest in getting married. He sees his co-workers struggling from payday to payday, burdened down with mortgages, taxes, vehicle payments, high day care costs and that’s not something he wants because he doesn’t see where they have any enjoyment of life. I said, but who will visit you in the nursing home, and he said, “By then I won’t really care one way or the other.”

      • Cali says:

        @Adrianna – seems like you raised a very intelligent man, not necessarily because he’s not interested in a family but because he can see what he actually wants and doesn’t want at a young age instead of finding out much later.

      • Rocco says:


        This isn’t directed at you but just the concept in general: I think it’s so tragic when people ask the question, ‘ but who will take care of you? “, “Who will sit by your bedside while you die? “, “Who is going to visit you in the nursing home? “

        I can tell you on good authority… The people who ask those questions, the people who have kids & think they’re in the clear or ‘well at least I have offspring’… There are a lot, TONS, that end up like the people they cautioned to have kids or else. no visitors, no good relationships with the kid or they do have good relationships with the adult kids but the adult kids don’t visit much at all, or ‘perform’ lovingness outwardly but see the parent as a burden or a downer in private.

        It’s sad and hilarious at the same time that people think having kids gives them that security. I think a lot of them are going to find out the hard truth.

    • msd says:

      Marriage can take many forms. You don’t have to live together or have a joint bank account. And getting married itself isn’t necessary, although it does confer more rights. I think a lot of relationships, including marriages, would be better and happier if co-habitation wasn’t a given. For most people, that’s simply a luxury they can’t afford. It also gets rather complicated if/when kids arrive.

  4. manda says:

    I totally agree with her comments about mentally subjugating our own needs. I know I do it. I admire women that don’t.

    • Jess says:

      Manda, I agree – I do it too. That’s why I love my time alone in the house, it’s the one time I can do what I want, guilt free. (And why I have no interest in every getting married again.) As for Kate, my favorite thing about her is how cute she and Sarah S were when Sarah dated her ex. Otherwise, Kate has always just seemed very bland and boring to me.

      • manda says:

        OMG, I almost said the exact same thing! I am married now and I love my husband but marriage is not the dream that I thought it would be and I know that if our marriage ends in divorce at some point, I will never get married again.

    • Who ARE These People? says:

      I’ve realized I do it more than I want to admit. That early social training is really powerful.

    • Some chick says:

      It is SO HARD not to! We are trained from birth. I had an ex who would yell at me, “you don’t put me first!” when I DID. And we weren’t even married! (Eff that dude.)

      Men are socialized to believe they have priority.

      I will never marry again. It’s almost always a bad deal for the wife. It’s not worth the pretty dress and champagne.

      My advice: Don’t get married if you don’t have to. If you do, keep your name and keep whatever finances you have in your own name. If you can afford two bedrooms so you each have your own space, so much the better.

      Me, I’m a cat lady. On purpose. I might even go see that Cats movie!

    • Kosmos says:

      First, I agree with her points. Nothing at all wrong with her dating whomever she wants and the idea that living together can create issues. Totally agree with that. In marriage or serious relationships, people do not need to be joined at the hip and it’s often more pleasant and fun to get together when you’ve had time apart where you can be private with yourself and the other person does not have to see you 24/7. About her photo shoots above, why are all of them so photo shopped? Why can’t women be photographed as they really are so we can relate to them as non-perfect, as being more like us? Yes, she’s still attractive, but skin just isn’t flawless like that and airbrushed.

  5. Hoopjumper says:

    The horse thing made me smile because she told Graham Norton that she travels with a two-person horse costume. She says it’s a fun way to cheer up.

    • Rocco says:

      I’ve always been surprised and admired kate beckinsales sense of humor. She seems like she has a great one, very funny and clever. It’s nice

  6. Rhys says:

    Several guys I know have spoken about having a crash on her, and how cute she is. They were very different guys too. I always wondered if she has that ideal face or something.

  7. TG says:

    True. It’s nice sitting om my couch looking at my phome for hours on end without having someone there judging me for it.

  8. bub244 says:

    I find this woman so boring and I can’t really explain why. There’s just nothing interesting there.

  9. Lily says:

    My mom is against people living together before marriage. She would probably disown me or my sibling if we got pregnant before getting married.

    I wish I had her body!

  10. Mabs A'Mabbin says:

    She’s giving me Elizabeth Hurley vibes.

  11. Jess says:

    It makes sense, the best marriages I know of are ones where they slept in different rooms. They had a little bit of space and time to miss each other. There’s no reason couples have to be in the same house or same room 24/7, I know I need my alone time.

    My husband snores like crazy and we finally started sleeping in separate rooms the last 4 months, our relationship has improved beyond belief! Every single day I’d wake up pissed off and resentful that he kept me up all night, he would be upset because I spent half the night nudging him and telling him to roll over. I finally got him to see that we needed separate sleeping arrangements, he had it in his head that we have to sleep together and was offended that I wanted my own space, but literally every night I would plan out my divorce from this snoring monster robbing me of basic human need for sleep, lol. He also had a sleep study done after years of me begging, so I think it motivated him to do something. We’ll see about sleeping together again when he gets the CPAP:)

    • Heather says:

      Hahahaha! to “Planning my divorce”. I can relate. My husband snored so bad until he recently lost weight. Thank god because we don’t have the space for me to sleep on my own.

      • Jess says:

        Right?!? It’s so annoying! I have crazy thoughts when my sleep is continually interrupted. I’ll fantasize about running away in the middle of the night or just leaving him for good, but 20 minutes after I wake up in the morning I love him dearly again and can’t imagine life without him, lol.

    • Who ARE These People? says:

      I have gone to bed 1-2 hours later than my body wants to since living with Mr. Who because we have somewhat different body clocks. I know I don’t ‘have to,’ and he doesn’t ask me, but it just seems to happen. He’s starting to get into bed earlier with a book, at least. On the other hand, I wake up 1-2 hours earlier than he does, and that means some light and noise for him. It would be interesting to see what would happen if we had 2 separate rooms. We’d probably knock on the common wall to see if the other person heard us. You get used to pillow talk.

    • manda says:

      The CPAP is noisy too, but probably in more of a white noise way. My mother used to joke that it made my dad look like darth vader

  12. Esmom says:

    She looks very fit but the level of photoshop is disconcerting. She almost looks like a computer generated image in some of the shots. Sigh.

    • Some chick says:

      I’m raising an eyebrow to the concept of “fit” meaning skinny. They are not the same.

      Sure, she’s got very little body fat. But, how about some muscles?

      In this photoshoot, she looks to me like Peloton Wife. Great, you can wear underpants and a crop top and we can see between your thighs. You hit the american ideal. But, how much can you lift?

      To quote the great Diana Ross, I want muscles.

      • perplexed says:

        I think she likely works out. She posts her workouts on Instagram. She may not have huge muscles, but I’d classify her as fit.

  13. SAT says:

    Living with anyone romantic or platonic is hard but it does have its benefits. I love having my husband home especially at night since our house seems too big when it’s just me. Separate living quarters is a tad too much for me but I could see why some would like that

    • Who ARE These People? says:

      Since we downsized, it’s easier when my husband is away (on business). I feel more like I could live in the smaller place on my own without feeling isolated.

  14. Lindy says:

    Y’all, her words about mentally subjugating your own needs really struck home for me. I’ve been doing too much of that lately, and part of that just comes with having kids, because they need you and that’s normal. And I have a husband who’s all in and a true partner. But.

    I’ve noticed a pattern at work, too. I try to be efficient and conscientious, and basically what that seems to mean is that they keep piling more and more on my plate (because I “make it look easy.” Ummm. No. It’s because I was up till midnight getting that last minute presentation ready for the VP after you asked me to do it less than a day prior, not because I’m magically fast). Because I’m the primary breadwinner for our family, I feel like I can’t ever say no at work. And I can’t cut down on the time I spend with my family. So it gets carved out of time for me–sleep, exercise, alone time.

    This morning, I parked the kids with our babysitter, thought about coming to work, and instead called in sick and went to a coffee shop to have coffee by myself and read CB.

    How dumb is it that I feel vaguely guilty about that? But damn, I’m excited to have the next 4 hrs all by myself!!!

    • Pineapple says:

      Hey Lindy … my Mom used to call those mental health days. XO I had a friend who was biking into work one day and just stopped and called in sick. It was just TOO nice a day. She had a lovely time. Taking time for yourself … however you can … that’s a truly important part of life. It matters.

      It can make all the hard work easier. Also, when you feel that happy, I find you start to look for ways to incorporate it into your everyday. It makes life FUN!! It is supposed to be fun.

  15. Valiantly Varnished says:

    I have to agree with everything she said here. I am a single 39 year old woman, and people have this idea about how you’re “supposed” to act and what you’re “supposed” to be interested in.
    And her comments about living with someone are spot on. I think I could do the marriage thing easily if my husband didnt live with me full time – or at all. LOL.

    • Still_Sarah says:

      @ Valiantly Varnished. I am 57 and never married, no kids. I switched careers a few years ago and I now teach english overseas. I have lost count over the years of the married women who have come up to me and privately said I “made the right choice” in pursuing my career and not getting married, having kids. I also heard a lot of “I love my kids but if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn’t have gotten married and had a family”. Wow. And I’ve been hearing this for almost 30 years.

  16. Angela82 says:

    As someone who has been with the same guy for 10 years, I agree about the living thing. Sometimes his friends give him grief b/c we still have separate places during the week but sometimes I need the space to be quite honest. I think deep down he is fine with the arrangement except for the cost part. We don’t plan on any kids so that is not even something we need to think about. I also have a terrible time sleeping with anyone. I also know he has a certain amount of patience for my eccentricities lol.

  17. lucy2 says:

    I’ve lived by myself a long time, and don’t think I’d ever want to live with someone 24/7. I like having my space and my alone time. If I found a relationship with a guy who felt the same, it’d be ideal, but otherwise, I’m quite happy on my own.

    She and Pete certainly wanted the attention, but she probably didn’t expect it to be so negative.

  18. I love Kate as an actress. Her performances in Cold Comfort Farm and Love & Friendship are two of my go to movies for a great laugh. I say, you go girl. Live your life as a strong, intelligent, independent woman.

  19. Charfromdarock says:

    I’ve now lived by myself longer than I have with anyone else as an adult.

    I can’t imagine having to share my space with a man ever again. Next door maybe but not in my house.

  20. Jaded says:

    I lived alone for great chunks of time, never married, and although I had a couple of live-together situations I left both due to irreconcilable differences (aka both were lazy, demanding asses who were unfaithful to me). Fortunately Mr. Jaded is VERY easy to live with, does his half of the housework, is a great housemate in every way. Fortunately our living arrangements allow for separate “wings” in our condo so we can be home but still not in each other’s faces. Works well if you have a respectful partner.

  21. SM says:

    And why is she on the cover? Is she promoting anything? Or is it to promote herself? Is it for her willingness to doll up and undress, show up at any envelop opening in a gown, make out in public with her boy toys or post about her personal life on social media? Yes, she memorized the really serious points about womens’ rights to have fun, the stereotyping of women and misogyny but please, don’t sugarcoat your desperation for attention and your thirst in them.

  22. Snarky says:

    She doesn’t drink alcohol or caffeine, but she smokes? I don’t understand Hollywood’s ideas of health and fitness.

    • Rocco says:


      That is the ironic reality w/regard to actors in the film industry. I’d say 90% of them smoke cigarettes, and a lot of them you don’t think do – do. They are just extremely careful about being seen doing it. Some of them pay off paps to not publish the pics if they get rare snaps of them smoking. Jennifer Aniston has smoked for decades but makes sure it is on the downlow, for example.

      There’s a lot of downtime on film sets, there’s always the stress, abuse often, the pressure of image & fame, many of them have mental health issues BTS, and a lot of them use cigarettes to relax and/or stunt hunger etc. And most of these people are super fit, gorgeous, do the whole healthy eating thing – except they also smoke cigs. It’s bizarre but it’s endemic to the industry.

  23. Dorothy says:

    I agree with her about the two different houses at the very least I will always need my own room. And the last portion of her interview I agree with 100%

  24. Abby says:

    I actually agree with a lot of what she said. Living together was the biggest learning curve for me after getting married. Not having independence about how I spend my time (I mean, I could have chosen to keep doing my own thing but I wanted to be with my husband) and determining what our schedule and routines looked like was a lesson in compromise.

    I think she is stunning. Absolutely gorgeous, and have liked her since Pearl Harbor. She’s surprisingly funny too. I love following her on instagram. She posts about working out a lot–I think she looks better there than these over-processed photos.

    PS that video of her dancing to the backstreet boys is so funny. I want to be the third person waltzing through!

  25. Ferdinand says:

    My maternal grandparents had separate beds for as long as I can remember. Same room though.

    My parental grandparents took it a little further and they basically live in separate wings of the same house. They live in a two story house. My grandma lives in the first floor. She has her own bedroom and bathroom, my grandfather lives upstairs, with again, a bedroom and a bathroom of his own. They just share the common areas: kitchen, dinning room. They’ve lived like this for years, and it works well for them.

  26. amilou says:

    Her captions on Instagram very frequently make me chuckle.

  27. Kosmos says:

    JESS: I think SO many women can relate to the snoring issue for sure!! I agree, it can turn you into a hateful resentful monster, and rightfully so. When I sleep at my boyfriend’s house, I love sex, but hate sleeping together after sex, for instance. I hate the snoring, too. I just love sleeping alone for some reason, has nothing to do with him. It’s just that I sleep much better when alone. Then I wake up happy and look forward to seeing him and there’s no resentment. I think many men snore, too, for various reasons, and they do not realize what it’s like for us.