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Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard have been open about the fact that they get into such bad arguments that they sometimes go days without talking. This wasn’t just at the beginning of their relationship before they did therapy either, this was a few months ago. So I guess it’s not surprising to hear that they’re having a tough time in lockdown. They did an Instagram live interview with Katie Couric, clips from which are below. They said that their time on camera was the closest they’ve been to each other in days because they’d been fighting and they disgust each other. When Katie asked them how they were all getting along they paused and looked at each other. They could have lied and said they were doing great or they could have just focused on their kids but instead they looked at each other and admitted it’s been bad.
Dax: We’re getting along good with the kids and we’re getting along good with adults we’re friends with. This has been stressful for mom and dad.
Kristen: We’ve been at each other’s throats real bad.
Dax: It just ended like 8 minutes ago.
Kristen: This is as physically close we’ve been to each other in the last couple days because we’ve just found each other revolting.
Dax: America’s sweetheart has some character defects.
[Dax makes noise offscreen]
Kristen: [He’s] making noises to poke me.Maybe you need time apart in the same house
He’s too big Katie. He’s too loud and too big. He’s everywhere.
[From Instagram live via YouTube/Us Magazine]
Kristen and Dax laughed but you could tell they just got into a big fight over something. I personally could not have this kind of sniping relationship with someone, but some people do, they still love the person and it works for them. It makes me uncomfortable to be around people like that. Kids see it and think that’s normal too because they learn relationship behavior from their parents.
Speaking of that, Kristen was promoting a Nickelodeon special she recently hosted called Kids Together, which involved experts answering kids questions about the pandemic. It had celebrity appearances by Ciara and Russel Wilson, Alicia Keys, Kenan Thompson and JoJo Siwa, among others, along with everyday families and kids. You can watch it here.
Kristen spoke really eloquently to Katie about helping kids voice their feelings during this difficult time. She said that she explained the “flattening the curve” concept to her daughters Lincoln, 7, and Delta, 5, and that they understood it. Delta is working on a vaccination that’s green food coloring and water. Kristen also said they’ve watched Contagion three times this week. I hope she meant that she and Dax watched it and not their kids. No wonder they’re fighting! Don’t watch that freaking show. I haven’t seen it since it came out and do not plan to watch it again now.
Kristen is doing live storytimes through the HelloBello Instagram account. You can see the schedule here.
You know what. I respect the fact they are honest.
I grew up with parents that never acknowledged their true feelings except behind each others backs and it still haunts me today. As in I don’t trust them to be honest with me about even the stupidest things. It’s killed our relationships. I love my husband because he confronts issues immediately, even if he’s being a big ass.
They are so incredibly toxic.
I’ve been married 41 years and believe me, we’ve fought a lot. But these two have enough money to ameliorate some of the stresses that normal people face. I just don’t think they’re compatible and I see them splitting up at some point.
Same. They don’t seem compatible and when celebrity couples sell their relationship to the media as much as these two do, the writing is on the wall.
The feeling I get from them is that they are both very similar in terms of the way they communicate or don’t, and they both have a kind of resting-b-face-personality that includes sarcasm and “poking” each other as a matter of course. It feels like that’s who they each are separately and then being together exacerbates it. I kind of think they’re perfect for each other as long as it doesn’t get out of control. At least that way no one else has to put up with either of their relational antics (other than their children, unfortunately).
They over share about their relationship and every detail about marriage. Annoying and attention seeking.
100%. I wish they’d just go away and never come back.
I mentioned to my mother how this is going to tear some families apart. We really underestimate the value of space and privacy, even in intimate relationships. I feel for anybody who doesn’t have the benefit of a home right now, especially with this level of stress – pandemic AND a failing economy AND a garbage administration AND a potential for a dramatic election.
“ He’s too loud and too big. He’s everywhere.”. This really speaks to me.
Same.
i snorted 😀
i dont understand how ppl are so offended at them for being honest. i hate when ppl conceal their feelings, its like you are acting. in front of the person u claim to love. my ex left me from one day to another, no warning no nothing, i did not know anything was wrong – he just up and left. that is very cowardly and i applaud these two for being honest.
I think because they openly admit this stuff but also like to present themselves as ‘couple goals’. They’re not, they’re obviously awful together and now they don’t have their outlets it’s twice as obvious but they want all the props for being honest about how toxic they are. There are no awards for staying together when you’re a shitty couple. Especially when you try to act like you’re the ones doing it right.
Ange, agree with all of that.
At least they don`t share what they gripe about. We don`t know (I hope) if she leaves her undergarments on the bathroom floor or if he doesn’t pick up his nail clippings. `If I understand it, they love each other, but don`t much like each other a lot of the time. And know whatÉ I think that`s normal. The trick is, falling in love over and over with the same person…forgiveness is what keeps hearts and souls together. Sniping hurts, even when disguised as `teasing`….
I grew up in a house like that. Constant combat. Even now, when my parents speak to one another, their register is always aggressive – over the most minor of things. I grew up afraid of my own shadow. Each night from the age of seven I used to sit on the stairs and listen to them fight, silently pleading with them to stop. There was a lot of physicality too; I’m still going through counselling over it. My ability to have a decent, secure romantic relationship has been severely compromised.
Probably too much information. But KB and DS SHOULD know that their kids WILL be affected by the constant wrangling. Kids are like sponges, attuned hypersensitively to every atmosphere. They need to sort this out, quickly, for everyone’s sake. I can’t stress this enough
THIS. If their marriage is such a struggle, they need to either work it out once and for all or get a divorce. The kids do need to grow up under such constant tension.
I also wonder if their relationship is better than the ‘sitcom’ bickering they talk about, or if they really fight in a bad way all the time. I hope they exaggerate it, because if it’s real and constant, it sounds very unhealthy. I couldn’t deal with that kind of micro and macro conflict/aggression, and I don’t understand relationships that exist with that constant (or any) hostility. At some point, you have to ask yourself if you even like this person.
Agreed. That kind of toxicity is in part why I’m still alone at 47 and have trouble even imagining what a healthy relationship looks like. It takes years to undo that kind of stuff…
Divorces will skyrocket once this pandemic is over
I agree, especially with celebrities. Hollywood relationships are not built to be in close and constant contact with each other, their norm is lots of time apart. Would not be surprised if these two in particular called it quits. And I do not know how Teigen’s husband puts up with her.
So agree.
Teigen is terrible. Loud, attention-seeking, unfunny and over sharing pictures of her kids and relationship.
I watched their live stream concert and also was interested (from a sociological perspective) why a man who seemed so chill and optimistic would a partner who was very much his opposite. I mean, she’s gorgeous and I love them together, I’m just interested in what drives the choice. I used to be drawn to men who were very dynamic, charismatic and alpha. It has never gone well ( I have the opposite temperament). Now that I’m older, I search for men with personalities similar to my own. Do opposites make good long term partners?
Fleur, I watched that too, and found her so grating in that instance – interrupting him, talking over his songs, playing on her phone, and just needing to be the center of attention. He seems very…patient.
Splits and/or babies. Lots of announcements coming.
I think it’ll be a strong mix of both.
I adore my husband. He’s a fantastic human, and I love him. But there have been a few days now that we’re both at home where we’ve fought over the DUMBEST of things. Cabin fever is real. I can’t imagine what the people who are just starting to live together or who were already close to divorce are doing – it must be brutal.
I’ve been saying that too! Regular people too, but I think there will be a lot of celebrity baby or split stories after this.
Ugh, agree. I have a good friend who was on the brink of filing for divorce and is now stuck at home with her two kids running wild and a husband who goes out of his way to be aggressively useless. She’s about to have a nervous breakdown.
I’m wondering how many murders there will be amongst the cooped up.
Let’s not even talk about the more serious things like domestic violence. Here in canada the numbers have gone up for women seeking shelters. And how about all the kids whose only escape was school. It’s a sad and effed up situation all around. I hope this dratted virus disappears and people learn from this situation and find ways to deal with their problems that if and when history repeats, we all are more ready mentally
My husband and I were supposed to be in Ireland for his birthday this week. So, we would have been together nonstop anyway. However, we’re making sure to spend time in seperate rooms, letting each other reign supreme over the TV remote/video game consoles. We’re fortunate to have several consoles, a tablet, and plenty of books (I bought a fuckload of them just for the transatlantic flight we never ending up taking). Our three cats could not be more pleased to be around us all the time.
I’m 100% removed from their relationship, and yet I still find it so exhausting.
I’m afraid this will be the case for many couples…confined to their spouses and children 24/7 – going to be rough for many!! Most of us have not had to deal with such an arrangement ever, so an adjustment period, lots of patience and meditation might be required. Wishing you all to remain safe and healthy!!
I really don’t understand their dynamic. They come off as if they despise each other
Yeah. I haven’t seen a single photo of them where they look like they want to be near each other.
I’m so glad I live alone. The big and loud thing, I get it, I feel that way about some people without being trapped with them 24/7.
Their relationship seems like sooooo much WORK. I appreciate their honesty, I imagine a lot of people can relate to that right now, but I hope their kids aren’t being stressed out more by it.
That Nickelodeon thing for kids sounds great. I hope it informs and reassures a lot of kids.
It’s like some people take up so much space but you can feel crowded out in a room with two people.
edit: “that” not “but”
While I respect that they appear to be making a legitimate effort to make things work, they really just do not seem compatible to me.
Slightly off topic, but I don’t understand why anyone is watching a movie like Contagion or Outbreak right now. Isn’t it enough to be living this? I want my entertainment to be escapism.
Eh, we also watched Contagion for the first time during this. It’s not a bad movie. And does have a happy ending. I guess it’s just the irony? And it is fiction. I don’t like horror movies, but I know people for whom they’re just as escapist as rom-coms and such are for me.
I totally understand that, and sometimes I need escapism, too. However, some of us deal with certain situations by leaning into it, kind of like immersion therapy. I dunno, it’s different for everyone.
ETA: My stomach dropped when I read Dax saying, “America’s sweetheart has some character defects.” I don’t know these people or their relationship dynamic, but that just set off so many alarm bells.
100% with you on the “character defects” line. If that’s what he says in public, things are really, really not okay in private.
My take on their dynamic, as someone who has kids and is in an almost 15-year marriage that is very overwhelmingly happy with occasional spats (we had one today, thank you stay-at-home order!) and the stresses of a “regular” life is that they SHOULD have broken up, not gotten married, definitely not had kids, but they did and they did and they’re both stubborn and think that a divorce is a “failure” so they keep on slogging. My marriage has had periods that were harder than others, but it’s never been “hard.” They talk about marriage like it’s boot camp. IMO, if it’s that tough for you, it’s okay to call it off. And I admire taking your vows seriously (I take mine seriously!) but if it’s occasional bits where you get along strung together by the vast swaths of time where you hate each other’s guts, it’s okay to just call it.
@AMAyson1977 Agreed. The whole boot camp analogy is really spot on. I always have wondered when people go on and on about how much work a relationship is and how single folks should expect work, work, work if we ever find someone…I mean, I just…Like why would you want to be with anyone, then? I understand that it’s a process and yes, it does take some work, but coming from a not very healthy parental example myself, I always feel scared when people go on about how much work it is.
I’ve been going through all the fictional pandemic and outbreak movies. Honestly, they make me feel better not worse. All the movies involve things like total shutdowns of cities, martial law, looting, rioting and things that aren’t happening right now.
They show people being infected in large crowds and through close personal contact. I think watching them makes me feel more in control, like “well I’m not in a movie theater being sneezed on, so I’m safe. Grocery stores are still open and functioning, so I’m safe.”
It’s a good distraction from losing my job, and they make me look at our current situation more optimistically than if I were only watching the news. I can’t lean into total fluff like rom coms because they just feel too frivolous right now.
I haven’t watched any of the movies, but that’s interesting that it is helping people.
I keep thinking about Station Eleven, which I read last year, and wish I hadn’t!
We’ve seen those. But watching Pandemic is possibly more informative and less dramatic.
We watched Contagion, and Outbreak and Pandemic. We have also had CBC radio on almost constantly and check the legit news regularly. We both deal with stressful stuff by getting right into it. To look away or not listen to the news just stresses me out more.
I have an anxiety disorder and “leaning into” the pandemic is more calming for me than escapism. Now, I also tend to obsess over thing so I do have to set a limit for how much COVID19 stuff I’m absorbing or else it will take over my brain. But confronting things and making myself feel like I have some kind of control in the situation is more helpful than ignoring it. Everyones different, but through tons of therapy I discovered that the root of my anxiety came from having a chaotic and rough childhood and not being able to do anything about it due to my age. So actually focusing on the issue and doing what I can to prepare myself is calming for me. Watching movies about outbreaks gives me a (false) sense of security and tricks my brain into believing that I know all the best and worst case scenarios on how this will play out.
I have an anxiety disorder as well and we seem to have similar responses. That’s interesting!
I have heard people with clinical anxiety actually respond more calmly to real threats and crises. We respond irrationally/overreact to the stuff we build up in our heads, and more level headed to the genuine threats. We’re somehow able to emotionally disconnect in certain situations even though we can’t on a regular basis. I’m not sure if that’s true for everyone, but it seems to be the case for me. At least initially.
We watched Contagion w/our 8 yr-old last night, and it was actually really beneficial- “see, this is why you have to wash your hands and also not lick everything/ rub stuff and pick your nose, etc…!” Also nice to point out how humanity is so far holding their sh*t together waaaaay better than the instant looting and murder in the movie.
We’ve only made it through one episode of the Netflix similarly-named Pandemic.
I totally agree, feeding your soul with junk food tv and violence does not help.
That’s interesting. I don’t consider Contagion or Outbreak “junk food tv” or violent.
I haven’t watched a reality tv show, game show, or talk show in probably 20 years. To me, that’s all garbage, but to others it’s the best escapism. To each their own, IMO!
I’ve got family and friends that love Survivor, The Bachelor, Bravo shows, etc. It makes no sense to me! We all have different tastes 🤷♀️
I’ve been expecting these two to get divorced forever.
They will be separated at least AND she will be pregnant,just a hunch.
Interesting twist. I like it, imagine how many talk shows they will go on to talk about it.
Dax had a vasectomy. He overshared it on Jimmy Kimmel.
Eh, fighting is how some people’s relationships work. It’s not my relationship style, but we’re also not the couple who have never had a fight in our lives, either.
I know people who have worked with Bell and say she’s absolutely a delight; professional, fun and extremely kind. Like, serious raves about how she’s the greatest from folks who aren’t easily impressed.
I don’t know anything about Dax personally, nor have I heard, but did try to listen to his podcast and he seems like…a lot. Like, a lot, a lot. By the way, this sounds like the first episode of that podcast, which was an interview with her, where they talk about being really angry at each other, and he says he almost didn’t release it.
I think they’re both a lot – just in different ways. I was a MAJOR Veronica Mars fan, so I’ve always liked her – but I get why people don’t. She is one of those people who are eternally worried about caring for people, I think – she’s just a huge giver. And she seems to really look for the best in people. Dax had a pretty rocky upbringing, (there’s a good episode of Armchair Expert where he has his mom on – and they’ve been through a lot together) and always saw being taken care of as a burden. His way of showing love and support to his mom growing up was to be as self sufficient as possible – so it makes sens that just fundamentally that will cause issues.
I actually think – despite all of it, that their relationship isn’t THAT bad.I think they play it up a bit and tend to lean into sharing a bit more than I personally would at least in some ways. I think they actually balance each other out quite a bit in that she makes him look for the best in people while his tendency towards suspicion is useful when it comes to people taking advantage of someone as open-hearted as Kristen.
I like her, but think she can be a lot too. Everyone on the Good Place spoke so highly of her though.
I was kind of ambivalent about him, then started listening to his podcast, and did like him more. Then eventually didn’t like him again and had to stop listening. He’s kind of contrarian, and was both sides-ing a lot of stuff when I bailed.
Exactly. My marriage is very calm, very quiet, and very affectionate. We don’t yell at each other. In 17 years of marriage, my husband has never once raised his voice to me, and the only time he has raised his voice at our child was as a toddler when he needed her to stop what she was doing immediately for her own safety.
Our home is quiet and very congenial. It’s just who we are. We are a peaceful people, introverted, and energized by calm.
Not everyone is like us, and that doesn’t make them “wrong.” We have to make allowances for the fact that people are different and have different personalities, drives, and needs. Two extroverts would take one look at my blissful daily life and consider it an oppressive prison. Some people NEED passion and noise and activity the same way I NEED stability and silence and stillness.
The key is to find a spouse who shares those needs with you. We have friends who fight–not physically, just arguing a lot. They have stuff in their lives like “make up sex.” They get into it with each other over every little thing–it’s like “come at me, bro” with every discussion, and they seem to thrive on this. They like the interplay. It’s exhausting to me, but they are so devoted and loving to each other. People are not all the same.
The Kristen/Dax marriage seems very honest, passionate, devoted, and loving to me, and their lives don’t need to look like mine to be healthy. If abuse comes into it or if addiction creeps back in, they might have to reevaluate, but I don’t see anything awful in this. I think it’s cute, really. They’re being honest. Honesty is underrated. It’s a key ingredient missing from far too many homes, and when you lock two extroverted performers in a home together and deprive them of the social input they require for mental health…it’s gonna be rough.
Your relationship sounds lovely. I’ve only been in one relationship, which was many years ago. It was full of conflict and soured me on men and relationships. And myself and my own ability to be in a healthy relationship. I couldn’t stand the thought of being with someone who I constantly argued with. Also the older I get, the more I crave peace and calm.
Also, i have a friend who was in a long term rship from her early teens to early twenties. It became so toxic but she would often talk about how relationships are work. But I would always think, they shouldn’t be that hard! I think people fall in love and don’t know how to let go of something that isn’t right if they still feel that love. And/or they have this idea of relationships as being forever, and think if they move to on it is somehow a failure. Or its a sunk-cost thing, where they feel they’ve invested too much time and work to walk away, cus what if it gets better. Im glad I never bought into those ideas. I might be a commitment phobe but I’m not stuck in a crappy rship.
Kristen, I think you’re very talented and pick good projects. I enjoy watching you act. I do not care about your marriage.
It seems that they are a LOT. And that talking about it helps them, like we are a giant ear.
And then they go back and become performative in their fights.
And they they talk some more about it, in an endless circle where reality and fiction intertwine.
Like Brad and Gwyneth minus the smugface.
Ugh. He treats her like crap, and she tolerates it. This is what her kids are learning.
Why does this sound like it’s her fault that he treats her poorly and that she’s teaching her daughters it’s ok? I get it’s a two way street however partners shouldn’t treat each other poorly to begin with. They both play a role in how this affects their children.
Right now, I’m home with two kids and one useless individual who avoids all of us. All he has to offer is criticism and tv time. Some people just dont step up. Sure, cabin fever is real. But weakness- either in a relationship or in an individual – becomes really apparent under stress.
@NI, sounds like you are in a tough spot with a lot on your plate. I hope you are doing ok and managing to find some bright spots. Sending positive vibes to you.
@Ni I have to really thank you for posting this. My husband has been “aggressively useless” (as someone posted up above), and I really thought I was the only one. I am just in awe of how little he has stepped up. I’m sorry you are also dealing with someone like that.
“America’s sweetheart has some character defects” I dunno isn’t that SUCH a hurtful thing to say to her face let alone in front of a huge audience? I think every relationship is work but whenever I see an article about these two is about how they have to work EXTRA hard just to make it work. Seems too dysfunctional to be worthwhile to me
Yeah thank you! It’s one thing to say that in the heat of a fight, it’s another when you know you’re in an interview to embarrass you spouse. It’s mean.
It’s refreshing I guess for people to acknowledge marriage is work, but theirs is ONLY work. For a while I didn’t even realize she was still a working actress because I only know her from her and her husband’s oversharing. After they divorce she’s going to be extremely embarrassed by this whole period of her life.
Yeah. That stuck with me too. Big. Red. Flag.
My face would’ve turned red as a tomato if I were her. That kind of comment is not nice or necessary.
It would have played alright if he’d referred to the both of them. Then, it would have been a bit self-depracating. But to do it like this, smacks of a slight that he was waiting to put out there in front of others, as a mild revenge type thing. I’m not describing it well, but I’ve experienced it, though not so mean-spirited.
Kinda like when the guy can’t get the last word, so they say broadcast something like this in front of others to sort of shame you. It’s probably not even purposeful, but that doesn’t make it any better.
I’m so non-confrontational that I could NOT do this kind of relationship and have a hard time understanding how anyone can. They always emphasize how much work they put into this marriage and idk…yes, relationships take work. But they shouldn’t take THAT much work.
I feel like they think by being open and honest about their dysfunction they are relatable and normalizing the toxicity. This is straight up an unhealthy relationship. It’s not funny and if it’s relatable then it’s a sign to get help and change or get out. I was in a toxic and an argument riddled relationship for almost a decade. It doesn’t need to be so damn hard. Work? Of course. Challenging at times? For
Sure. Constant, constant arguing and hard work? No. F that.
I worked as background in Veronica Mars as a young adult and Kristen was super nice to me and everyone around. Just my experience from forever ago
Although I feel like they overshare at times, I respect the honesty. I am home right now with my two adult kids (one a teacher and one a college student) and we all respect each other’s alone time. If my husband were here instead of working outside the home, I know my patience would be razor thin.
“America’s Sweetheart has some character defects.”
Damn. That’s some straight-up loathing.
Sounds said by someone feeling jealous and insecure. Not what you want from your spouse.
I’m in a newish (6 months) relationship and we have been sheltering in place together for the last three weeks, I had to ask him to leave and go home for a night, because it is A LOT. And he’s really the best, but I need some room… because he does take up all the space and every little thing is making me nuts.
We are lucky both working and genuinely have a really nice relationship, but 24 hours a day with anyone make even the best couples need some breathing room.
Taking cheap shots at your partner, whether in the privacy of your own home or on nation-wide TV is simply not acceptable. I think he learned some really bad habits growing up in a dysfunctional household and they were imprinted on him so badly he can’t stop. Maybe she’s an enabler but man, if I lived with someone like that I wouldn’t be living with him anymore.
It’s called RESPECT Dax.
I told my my friend that I was looking forward to all the Dateline/Snapped Covid 19 editions that will be coming out in a few months from all this closeness. But in all seriousness the stress of the virus and the 24/7 togetherness is intense. My husband is high strung and dramatic during normal times, this is making everything more intense. I think some extra fighting is normal but these two do take it to the extreme. I hope they get to a good place for their kids.
lolz! @LunaSF thanks for the laugh! 🙂 “Dateline/Snapped Covid 19 edition”
Cabin fever is real. We are both working from home, parenting and homeschooling our kids. This is a huge learning curve for us, and I was worried about bickering but my husband is unusually calm and relaxed. He keeps telling me this is all we need, we are lucky to be healthy and there is no one he would rather be stuck in the house sit. I am trying to listen to him but I am stressed about work (music teacher) and losing my job.
Why do you need to watch a film about a pandemic when we’re living through one?
This is why my husband and I have totally separate spaces that we can just hang out alone and get our own space. He has his workout/heavy weights and “man cave” part of the house, I have my office and my yoga/workout space upstairs (I’m more a LesMills person, he’s a powerlifter, so no way could his weights be on an upstairs floor!)
And neither of us gets upset when one or both of us needs our own space.
They are annoying.
I don’t fully understand people saying they ‘work’ at their relationship etc.
What does this mean, in a practical sense?
To me it means we intentionally try hard to produce certain outcomes. (I can enjoy my work so much it’s almost play, but it’s work because there are certain goals agreed to, certain payoffs expected, I have made a commitment, and I’m doing it in tandem with someone else.) When I work at my relationship I use tools that I have gone out of my way to get familiar with. Sometimes I even have to get some more coaching on how to use those tools. In a fight, for example, if left to my own devices I would try to emotionally shatter my partner because that’s what I learned growing up. When I work at my relationship however, I don’t just do what comes naturally to me. When we fight I use “fair fighting” guidelines from experts to achieve the outcome I want (an intimate, trusting, joyful partnership.) But certainly it might mean something else to someone else.
This doesn’t sound healthy. I’m pretty sure according to the comments above that most agree. Taking cheap shots at your spouse…huge no no. I never wish a breakup of any family, but these two seem very incompatible.