Kristin Cavallari and Jay Cutler don’t agree on their separation date

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As CB mentioned yesterday, Kristin Cavallari and Jay Cutler made the not-so-surprising announcement that they were ending their almost seven-year marriage. As usually happens following these announcements, we all wondered if this would be a clean break or a messy one. It appears that, despite their projection of “we are a team” matching split announcements, this divorce will not be as amicable as we were led to believe. Among the many things the ex-couple are disputing is when they actually split and who is guilty of martial misconduct.

Kristin has filed legal docs, obtained by TMZ, in which she alleges “misconduct” on the part of Jay and claims that’s what triggered the divorce. She says Jay “is guilty of such inappropriate marital conduct as renders further cohabitation unsafe and improper.”

It’s puzzling because Kristin also insinuates Jay has accused her of misconduct … “any misconduct alleged or implied against her in the complaint for divorce was in response to and/or as a result of misconduct on behalf of the Husband.” Jay, who filed for divorce, never mentioned “misconduct” against Kristin in his petition.

Kristin is asking for primary physical custody and wants Jay to have visitation. He wants joint custody of their 3 kids.

She also wants child support and wants Jay to pay for their kids’ health insurance and maintain a life insurance policy where she is listed as sole beneficiary.

Kristin says the grounds for divorce are both “inappropriate marital conduct” and “irreconcilable differences.” Something must have happened during their quarantine, because Kristin lists the date of separation as April 7, the day they came back from the Bahamas. Jay lists the date of separation as April 21.

She’s asking for primary custody, claiming Jay has been something of an absentee father … “She denies that Husband has always been the available at home parent and primary caretaker of the parties’ minor children. Wife would show that she has been the primary residential parent …” Jay says in his petition, “Husband has always been the available at-home parent and the primary caretaker of the parties minor children.”

[From TMZ]

Well, this is all a very dramatic he-said-she-said situation, isn’t it? After all, reports of Jay’s wandering dong have already been addressed on Kristin’s reality show. But she dismissed those rumors and, coincidentally, the friend involved in those rumors. So if Kristin wants to stick with the story that Jay didn’t stray, why the marital misconduct claim and why argue about when they split? As the daughter of a divorce attorney, whenever something is disputed but not clarified, you can bet your bum it means money. Claiming marital misconduct in a no-fault state divorce means the one accused will have to pony up either in a settlement, alimony/child support or attorney fees. And generally, the date of separation is also a financial matter, unless one of the two is looking to remarry, that can also push a separation date back or forward. However, I can’t really understand the two-week dispute because Jay and Kristin were married in June, so it’s not like one date puts them over the seven-year mark. And, as both CB and DListed pointed out, they’ve filed, they aren’t trying separation or counseling, they are done. Kristin has already removed wife from her bio. So, even though I think the legal terms being used are to assist in their financial settlements, I also think there’s a storm brewing here. This is more than “growing apart,” someone’s pissed. And it would seem that their Bahamian Quarantine pushed whomever it is over the edge, since they couldn’t file quick enough as soon as they got back.

However, according to E!, the pair have considered divorce several times before their announcement. In all likelihood, this is just the natural conclusion to a marriage that’s fallen apart. So, although I don’t have a theory about the two different separation dates, there are a few interesting facts in that regard, though. Very Cavallari has yet to be renewed for a fourth season. Although most believe it will be, the last three seasons have generally been renewed early on. Maybe Kristin needs the divorce storyline to sell the next season and the April 7 date factors into the contract somehow (maybe Jay would get part of the contract if the divorce filing was post April 7? Or maybe Jay just made another comment about how the show/business was taking all her time away from him). More interesting is that about two weeks ago, when Jay cites the separation, speculation about Jay replacing Dan Fouts in the commenters’ booth at CBS started. I’m not saying the two are connected, but I can’t entirely rule it out either.



Photo credit: WENN/Avalon and Instagram

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77 Responses to “Kristin Cavallari and Jay Cutler don’t agree on their separation date”

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  1. Watercress says:

    I sense a showdown of epic proportions.

    Wonder what went down? Did he get wasted and harm the kids? Something has happened that in her eyes is unforgivable 🙁

    • Jellybean says:

      Women are assumed to be gold diggers and men are assumed to be abusers. Both assumptions are extremely unfair. All I know is that using children as a bargaining tool or punishment is despicable, so if he hasn’t done something to harm or endanger the kids then she should not be demanding sole custody.

      • Jodi says:


      • Amy says:

        She isn’t demanding sole custody she is asking for primary custody. Which means it wouldn’t be 50-50 split of time. Which I think is horrible to make kids move that much.

        I don’t know what happened although watching their show it feels like they have been disconnected for awhile and he did not like her working so much plus he had nothing to do which seemed to be an issue.

      • Jellybean says:

        Amy, reverse your argument. The mother is at home, frustrated and with nothing to do. She doesn’t like the fact that the father is out working so much. She files for divorce and asks for shared custody, but he wants primary custody and only wants her to have visitation. Based on what you said there should be no problem with this, in fact it is in the child’s best interest not to be moved around.

      • Amy says:

        I am not saying anything about either one of them working, just that he didn’t like it and he seemed lost. she DID NOT ask for Sole custody. I think making kids move every other week is cruel and it is not those kids fault their parents can’t make it work so why shouldn’t the kids have stability.

        If people want 50/50 then the kids should stay in the House and the parents should move imo. I think kids should not have to live out of a suit case. I honestly dont’ care about these two and what they want i care what is best for their kids or any kid.

      • sa says:

        @Amy, strong agree that it’s not fair to make kids move every week for the convenience of the parents.

      • McMom says:

        @Amy – you might think it’s unfair to the kids, but the research overwhelmingly shows that the best thing for the kids is to have as close as possible to 50/50 with both parents. Moving between houses isn’t nearly as big of a deal as losing contact with one parent. The courts used to favor the mother regarding custody, but that is changing and the courts now push more for shared custody because it’s better for the kids.

        Having the kids stay in the home while the parents move is called “bird nesting.” I’ve been told by at least one social worker that it “never” works. Part of the problem is that it inhibits the parents’ ability to start a new life. The kids are better when the parents are emotionally healthy and whole and continuing to share a residence with an ex can make that difficult.

    • I'm With The Band says:

      I loved someone’s comment on here yesterday that he probably got the kids vaccinated without her knowledge 😂. That likely would be an unforgivable in her eyes (and oh, how I wish it were true)

  2. Victoria says:

    Did he get them vaccinated?

    • Jellybean says:

      If he did, I hope he gets the kids.

    • Paperclip says:

      I just almost peed my pants. Good one!

    • Snappyfish says:

      You win the day!! He needs to get them vaccinated. It’s a pet peeve of mine. My horses all must have vaccines & papers proving that anytime they are put in a trailer to leave the property. Yet unvaccinated children can go to school, movies, parks etc & the whole endangering others. The likelihood my horse is spreading anything to others is quite minimal yet it is mandated. Of course I love my horses (&dogs) & want them safe.

    • whatWHAT? says:

      oh, wow…you know, that’s not too far fetched, actually. and that would jibe with the “unsafe and improper” bit she put out there. AND the part about how any misconduct by her was in direct response to misconduct by him.

      maybe he got them vaccinated as soon as they got back from the trip because he came to his senses about vaccines while ruminating the US situation while away. that would ALSO make sense of the dates…if she says they separated THE DAY they returned, and he got them vaccinated after that, say, between the 7th and the 21st, then his actions (IF he did take them to a doctor) could be considered misconduct because they were already separated and didn’t “agree” to the vaccinations.

      OK, I just spent way too much time thinking about this. LOL

      • Lua says:

        They got in a fight in the Bahamas and he admitted he got them vaccinated ages ago and he actually did cheat with her friend 🤔

      • whatWHAT? says:

        Hi Lua – hope you come back to read this…

        to clarify, are you saying that they got in a marriage-ending fight BECAUSE he admitted that he had them vaccinated, or are you saying that they got in a fight, and DURING the fight he admitted to vaccinating them AND admitted to sleeping with the friend?

        and that’s why she’s saying they split the same day they got back from their trip?…

    • minx says:

      That would be AWESOME.

    • Zantasia says:

      That’s what I was thinking!

  3. Alissa says:

    The thing about keeping a life insurance policy where she’s the beneficiary is weird, right? is that a thing that divorced people do?

    and although the whole I only had misconduct because it was a response to his misconduct is also weird. so he slept with their hairdressers fiance on vacation and then she slept with the hairdresser? because that’s what I’m getting out of this.

    • Victoria says:

      It sounds like she’s plotting his death

      • Alissa says:

        Right?! my husband has been divorced twice and certainly that wasn’t the case for him, but we’re also not rich.

    • cbwinslo says:

      The life insurance thing is pretty standard.

      I thought the hairdresser was gay?

    • pooks says:

      It’s very standard – it is essentially security for support while the children are still minors. If he was to pass away before the kids are adults then they are still supported through the policy. She would be beneficiary as the kids are minors.

      • pottymouth pup says:

        could the children be listed as beneficiaries? if they are minors when he dies, she would handle the finances for them. With her as sole beneficiary, she can whatever she wishes with the payout and that wouldn’t require it to be used for the care of the kids

    • Katherine says:

      100% a normal thing divorced people do. If their financial settlement has him paying her alimony or some type of settlement and he dies, the money would come from the policy. Same re: child support. Nothing out of the ordinary at all.

    • Rebecca says:

      I work in the legal department of a large insurer. I review marital settlement agreements frequently once we learn the insured was divorced and the ex-spouse is a primary beneficiary. We need to see if they are revoked as beneficiary under law or if there is an exception by way of the settlement agreement or court order.

      Obtaining life insurance and making a spouse and/or kids the irrevocable beneficiary is incredibly common. So is the court ordering a spouse to make the other spouse or their children the primary beneficiary of an existing policy. The insurance is often ordered by the court or the parties to secure the spouse and/or child support through the entirety of the order, or as a simply a settlement term (i.e., a benefit of sorts). Sometimes you see the obligation to end at a certain time (i.e., the kids graduating collect or age 21, or the end of the spousal support obligation, etc.) or for the rest of a person’s life.

    • MellyMel says:

      The hairdresser is gay, so I doubt anyone was sleeping with him besides his fiance.

    • Susan says:

      Child support ends at your death. So that means if any accident happened, she would be out of the support. It’s pretty standard to ask for this to cover that possibility.

  4. Jellybean says:

    So often with celebrities it starts with the mother demanding sole custody and the father demanding joint custody and it settles on joint custody. It feels to me as though custody is being used as a bargaining tool and I hate that.

    • Jodi says:

      totally agree here. i read a report that she’s saying he’s been an absent father but the last few years post his retirement, he’s been the stay at home parent. they’ve both played that role for the other’s careers. it’s nasty to use the kids as a pawn. clearly, unless something comes out saying otherwise, they’re both capable of being parents to those kids and should be. she has repeatedly gone on the record as saying that due to her busy schedule, she wouldn’t be able to do this because Jay was picking up all the slack.

  5. Erinn says:

    I wonder if he got the kids vaccinated because of everything going on and things tumbled from there. Maybe the pandemic freaked him out enough to do something about it. I’ve heard reports of parents flipping to become pro-vaccination lately, so it’s not unheard of.

    Honestly, I’m surprised she didn’t just leave it at irreconcilable differences. I assume this probably would increase her chance of primary custody or whatever when it comes to the kids. Now, it’s also very possible that he’s been some form of abusive, so I don’t want it to sound like I’m completely discounting that. It’s not like he’d be the first NFL guy to be abusive. HOPEFULLY for everyone’s sake though, that’s not the case, but if it is, I hope she and the kids get help.

    Ultimately, I know it’s ‘overdone’ but the reality show curse seems to really hit most people. I assume correlation and not so much causation, but still. I think most people who agree to do shows like that are probably pretty big ego people to begin with, so it’s just a matter of time before strong personalities who are self centered start to clash.

  6. Yoyo says:

    NFL are not the the only men that are abusive, you will find abusive men, in any profession from Priest to the homeless man on the street.

    • Jodi says:

      women are also abusive. my ex’s ex wife was a raging narcissist. she was terrible to him. it isn’t always the men.

      • Jessica says:

        It isn’t always men, it just disproportionately is. Noting that something is a largely an x or y phenomenon doesn’t mean that the phenomenon never occurs outside of that group. Of course women can be abusers (or rapists, or murderers, or whatever). Women can be a lot of things. Violence AGAINST women is an epidemic in many, many societies. The reverse is not the case.

  7. Tig says:

    Tennessee is not a no-fault state. Therefore, there will be claims

  8. Michael says:

    Somebody signed a new deal and the other person wants that money. I assume he is the wealthier party as he was a pro QB for a decade. I think there is little chance of her getting primary custody of their kids unless he did something far worse than cheating. They live in California not Mississippi.

  9. Lisa says:

    Not surprised this is getting messy fast.

  10. Tuntmore says:

    “ Jay’s wondering dong”
    What does it wonder about?

    Just my opinion, but I think their personalities clashed and eventually it grew into resentment. Jay doesn’t care one bit about being famous; he just wanted to take life easy after retirement. Kristin is ambitious and wants to be famous.

    I think the “marital misconduct” may be mostly Kristin’s attempt to get custody and money. (And there’s nothing wrong with wanting custody and money after a divorce.) They don’t live in a no-fault state, so there has to be a reason given and blame assigned for the divorce to even be granted.

    But I agree, Kristin sounds mad. There are plenty of reasons to be mad during a divorce, and infidelity is only one.

    • Jen says:

      I knew them casually in Chicago before they called off their engagement the first time and things obviously can change in 9 years, but this was definitely the case then. She loved being famous and he was completely disinterested and seemed constantly irritated by her.

      • april says:

        I always think of her as being high-maintenance when i see her on TV. He always does seem irritated by her.

  11. Lucy2 says:

    That whole thing read like
    Her: “he cheated, and if he says I cheated, I only cheated to get back at him for cheating! “
    Him: “ Irreconcilable differences- wait, WHAT?!”


    • Melissa says:

      That’s how I read it too! Sprinkled with a little bit of I’m going to side eye his parenting and see how much more cash I can squeeze out of this.

    • Melissa says:

      That’s how I read it too! Sprinkled with a little bit of I’m going to side eye his parenting and see how much more cash I can squeeze out of this.

    • Melissa says:

      That’s how I read it too! Sprinkled with a little bit of I’m going to side eye his parenting and see how much more cash I can squeeze out of this.

    • EveV says:

      Thanks for the laugh!! And that’s exactly what it reads like. From what I know if her though, this seems to be her MO. Turn every situation up to maximum drama effect.

  12. MellyMel says:

    I vaguely remember them breaking up and getting back together a lot while they were dating. This seems like how they work and I’m surprised they were married as long as they were. I feel like like this is gonna get nasty and Kristin loves attention (good or bad), so we will be hearing about it.

    • TIFFANY says:

      They broke up, got back together, got engaged, broke up, got back together and Kristen announced she was pregnant and then they got married shortly after the birth.

      So the foundation was, you know, really solid.

  13. cloudy says:

    I thought he left her at the alter also. Then a month or so later they got married??

  14. Deedee says:

    He has some seriously ugly feet.

    • Still_Sarah says:

      OMG, when I saw the photo, I thought his toes (especially the big one) looks like a talon or bird claw. Lol.

  15. Bucky says:

    She might be taking a shot at permission to move the kids out of state. If she’s trying to pull that off she’ll have to make the divorce hell for the father. Hellish enough that he’ll give up his kids. I don’t know if he has that breaking point. His affect is completely apathetic. I imagine that would be MADDENING to someone trying to get under his skin legally. He might stonewall her and she’ll just make herself look insane. It is my shame, but I do watch the show. The only consistent themes are that she fake laughs *hysterically without context (which is terrifying) and that she has no local friends. She has employees locally, but she has to import friends from other states to be on the show. She’s been expanding her brick and mortar stores to other states. Maybe I’m cynical, but that’s what I suspect. When she sells her brand, she’ll have more money than him. She’s not willing to commit to Nashville for the next 16 years. Maybe she back dated the separation date to make it seem less like she blindsided him on the flight home -meanwhile, she was dotting the i’s legally.

  16. Sarah says:

    Nothing to do with the divorce – I can’t get over their outfits in the top pic. He has three layers on that I can see (shirt, sweater, jacket) and she’s in a strappy dress. Huh??? I don’t think these two were meant to be together!

  17. Lucy says:

    He looks so unwell in all of these pictures. I don’t know if its health issues, drugs, or what, but he just doesn’t look well.
    They both seem unpleasant and it really sucks for their kids.

    • whatWHAT? says:

      he has type 1 diabetes, I believe, and has associated health issues because of it.

    • Sayrah says:

      I’ve never seen him look happy and he seems like such a dud with no personality. I’ve never watched their reality show but the idea that he might become an on air commentator for nfl games is laughable.

      • JennyJenny says:

        Surprisingly enough, he was the only entertainment value on their reality show!
        Who knew?

      • amilou says:

        I didn’t know him from Adam when I started watching the show, but he cracked me up on more than one occasion.

      • Dutch says:

        @amilou: If you really want some laughs you need to dive into the treasure trove of Smokin’ Jay Cutler memes from his playing career.

    • Jaded says:

      He has Type 1 diabetes, apparently what they call “brittle” diabetes, which means his blood sugar levels are all over the map and hard to control. The only drug he takes is insulin and rapidly shifting blood sugar levels can make you feel and look hella sick. Mr. Jaded is Type 1 and when his sugars drop he looks like death warmed over.

  18. Case says:

    Why bother with the cutesy cordial Instagram message about their separation if this was happening behind the scenes? They have to know all this stuff is public.

    • Jules says:

      this is the case with most instagram posts, it is not the truth but only markets a certain image.

    • Sarah says:

      So that multiple posts are written about them on multiple outlets. Attention is a helluva drug.

  19. qtpi says:

    They are both a mess. Together they equaled an Epic mess. No surprise here.

  20. Sequinedheart says:

    I get he probably has the gold standard of health insurance but asking for that specifically (I would have assumed it was automatic?) makes me wonder if he did get them vaccinated and she’s like well then Mr. Science, you can cover them forever, you get on with your bad self and your wacky peer reviewed/verified ‘medical beliefs’…
    I dunno.. I think they both stepped out of the marriage whenever they could but I think there’s some disconnect with their parenting styles re: vaccines which really ticked her off.

  21. LunaSF says:

    I only know her from the Laguna Beach days but she reminds me of every basic popular girl who peaked in high school, except she is still pretty and thin and instead of trying to sell me pyramid scheme crap on Facebook she has some sort of lifestyle business. I think he probably got caught dming Instagram girls or something benign. They are both so basic!

  22. Amy says:

    I don’t know what happened but I always felt the cheating thing was a bit real because if it wasn’t why even bring it up, seems to me she wanted to get that out there.

    I also think she isn’t in to Nashville and wants to go back to California (I could be wrong) but I think she likes being famous and working and from what I saw on the show HE DOES NOT LIKE that she is more successful and known then him. I also think he had a hard time adjusting to not working and she wasn’t super supportive of that.

    it will be interesting but I think both like the drama and attention so it is going to be messy

    • Jodi says:

      you could be right about the cheating thing (who knows?) but i always interpreted that whole story line differently. it felt like Kristin really threw her friend under the buss with that. she kept saying ” i never once thought anything happened but…” i kept putting myself in Kelly’s place and if my best friend acted like i would ever EVER deliberately do anything to step into her marriage and then when she couldn’t get me to play along, she started to publicly badmouth me saying i was only using her the whole time…i would be out too. Kelly was cheated on by her ex-fiance which she’s been open about, and then she was going through egg freezing fertility stuff which messes you up emotionally and physically and then her supposed best friend creates this nasty story line on her reality show. i don’t know, it always felt really gross. I feel like Kelly saw the writing on the wall with that friendship and she promptly extricated herself. she’s never once said a bad word either. also, it was Kristin’s show. any story line involving Kelly and Jay would’ve never have happened with Kristin’s sign off and approval first. she used them both to drive content and then she used the public’s perception to drive more content.

      • Bucky says:

        I thought she threw her friend under the bus for a storyline.

      • Amy says:

        Oh i see your point there that she threw her friend under the bus- I just think he may have cheated and Kristin blamed it on her friend. The entire thing is weird but i bet considering how public they are making it

        Also i think divorce has been on Kristin’s mind for a bit i remember her asking one of the hills costar her custody situation and looking back she seemed more interested then she does with people not her

  23. Jezebeelzebub says:

    In my divorce settlement, both my ex and I had to have life insurance policies in a specified amount naming the other as beneficiary. Apparently that’s pretty standard.

  24. HeyThere! says:

    I haven’t posted in a long time but I think this is going to get ugly. I hope not because the kids deserve better than that. I will say Jay has seemed lost after he retired from the NFL.

  25. Elaine says:

    Maybe the end game is to get back with STE-VEEENNNN

  26. Oliviajoy1995 says:

    Kristin seems like the epitome of a mean girl. Always has. She can be very cutting and seems self absorbed.