Chrissy Teigen confirmed she was expecting in August, in the music video for her husband John Legend’s song “Wild.” We soon learned that this pregnancy had happened the “old-fashioned way.” Chrissy and John’s two children, Luna and Miles, were conceived via IVF, because Chrissy was having such problems conceiving naturally. So this pregnancy was declared a miracle, and it caught her so off-guard, she didn’t even realize she was pregnant (just weeks along) when she had her breast implants removed. In the month and a half since Chrissy announced this pregnancy, she’s been keeping fans informed about her situation, which involved lots of bed rest and emergency trips to the hospital. Then this absolutely tragic announcement:
We are shocked and in the kind of deep pain you only hear about, the kind of pain we’ve never felt before. We were never able to stop the bleeding and give our baby the fluids he needed, despite bags and bags of blood transfusions. It just wasn’t enough.
We never decide on our babies’ names until the last possible moment after they’re born, just before we leave the hospital. But we, for some reason, had started to call this little guy in my belly Jack. So he will always be Jack to us. Jack worked so hard to be a part of our little family, and he will be, forever.
To our Jack – I’m so sorry that the first few moments of your life were met with so many complications, that we couldn’t give you the home you needed to survive. We will always love you.
Thank you to everyone who has been sending us positive energy, thoughts and prayers. We feel all of your love and truly appreciate you.
We are so grateful for the life we have, for our wonderful babies Luna and Miles, for all the amazing things we’ve been able to experience. But everyday can’t be full of sunshine. On this darkest of days, we will grieve, we will cry our eyes out. But we will hug and love each other harder and get through it.
When Hilaria Baldwin released information – including an Instagram video announcement – about her miscarriages last year, I wondered to myself if these are the kinds of deeply personal situations which should not be disseminated on public forums and social media. But what I kept seeing in Hilaria’s situation, and what I suspect we’ll see here with Chrissy, is that so many women have miscarriages and stillbirths and they feel like there’s a culture of silence forced on them. Women (and men too) want to be able to grieve their loss openly. I’m really gutted for Chrissy and John. She was so happy to be pregnant again.
Driving home from the hospital with no baby. How can this be real.
— chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen) October 1, 2020
Photos courtesy of Backgrid, IG.
This is so heartbreaking.
I’m not judging women on what they decide to share with the public about their bodies and health. I have to admit that I didn’t even know that miscarriages happen so often until women started more to share their stories. So I learned from these stories.
Same Lola. I didn’t know miscarriages were more common than I thought until I read Celebitchy. I wasn’t planning for kids so I rarely talk to others about pregnancy or motherhood.
what a tragic loss for all of them. Say what you will about her, Chrissy lives her truth out loud. She and John are both pretty fearless to share something so raw and painful. Chrissy sharing hopefully has the effect of helping her heal and maybe also other women who have miscarried. It’s so common and normal and yet so devastating and the women that can share and do share can help the women who simply can’t. I also hope for her sake that the Chrissy slamming trolls have the decency to sit the fuck down and or log off.
it is very very common. The mother of one of my friend had 7 miscarriage before having her and her sister. Even my own mom had one I didn’t even know it. It’s very heartbreaking.
@krakken Thank you.
I didn’t know how common they were until I had them and started talking to other women about it. I just had loss #3 recently. The third time, I told more people I was pregnant. I can’t imagine millions of people knowing and then having to share that I had a loss. Many virtual hugs to Chrissy and to all of you ladies who have experienced this.
sincere condolences to you xo
Sara, I’m so sorry for your loss. Sending you all the love and light!❤️
I am so sorry for your loss
I tend to share a lot of my personal crap as part of my way of coping, so I can understand why Chrissy does as well. And while I knew miscarriages are pretty common, I didn’t appreciate how traumatic they could be for the parents until one of my good friends went through several of them. I see her and another mom talking about their losses in Facebook and I know it makes some people uncomfortable but I think it helps other people out there who may otherwise be suffering in silence not because they want to but because they feel like they should.
This is so sad for Chrissy but I am glad she’s sharing. Up to a third of pregnancies are lost to miscarriage, it just happens (per my OBGyn info) and women keeping silence about it is just another way the patriarchy shames us and keeps us quiet. I hope Chrissy can heal physically and emotionally, and all CB ladies who have been through this devastating experience too.
Same here. I feel for her and I understand. I had a miscarriage earlier this year (my husband and I had been trying for over a year to get pregnant). It never occurred to me that once I got pregnant, anything other than a strong, healthy baby would be the result. I was laughing and joking with the OB/GYN during my checkup when she told me she couldn’t find a heartbeat…
It was only after my own miscarriage that I learned how common they are. I was fortunate that I was able to speak with others around me and get some support. The silence around it is so real.
This.
Thank you, Krakken. Losing a baby is the deepest sort of tragedy, and we all deal with it in different ways. If Chrissy needs to share her pain, she has every right to. I lost a baby who was born when I was 8 months along. He died later that same day, and of course I named him and had him buried in the cemetery that until then had held only the family members who were older than we were. There is nothing else I can compare to losing a baby, nothing. The sudden emptiness of your body pervades your soul, and it doesn’t go away. You keep thinking you feel him moving inside you as he had been for months, and then you remember like an electric shock all through you that he isn’t there, that he’s dead. I hope people won’t be critical of Chrissy for reaching out right now. She has always loved her fans, and maybe their love and shared sorrow will help her to get through this.
I’m so sad for her. I can’t imagine coping with that kind of grief on top of everything else happening this year.
I saw this today.
While this is something painful and I wish her and her husband well, personally showing the photos of her in the hospital for me it’s a huge no. Sorry not everything must be shared.
agree. miscarried 2x and one time a ectopic required surgery. putting those pics confuse me. why????? its so personal and painful why do that
There’s a nonprofit that takes photos for families in this situation. Often times it happens so fast and things are so chaotic that the families are left with nothing. For my friends who have received them, it’s been a blessing afterwards; one of the hardest things about miscarriage is that there’s no tangible proof that the child in your heart and womb ever existed. A hole has been torn out of your life, and there’s evidence it was ever there. It’s crazy-making, and the photos can be away of affirming “yes, this child existed, and was loved.”
I’m sorry for your losses.
I’m sorry for them too and I also don’t understand the photo. Who took it and why? While I get that she likes to share, this particular shot seems like an extremely private moment best kept private.
I think there was a statement from a photographer who took these pictures somewhere on twitter today. Nowadays stillborn/bereavement photography is quite common, because people want to keep onto the only memory of their child. Chrissy shares literally everything. She lives online. How is this moment more private than her pregnancy, her breast implants, her whatever? That’s how she rolls, her way to cope with life. If it helps other people, even better.
No shame to anyone talking about their infertility or miscarriage journey because women DON’T talk about it. But I had infertility issues and a miscarriage too and my first thought was WHY even take that photo, much less post it for the public to see? In that moment, who had the thought that it was a good time to pull out a camera? That said, she lives in the public eye so maybe this is therapeutic for her.
To everyone saying it’s a private moment: I want to remind you that there is no wrong way to grieve the loss. Everyone is different. So you don’t have to understand because it’s not your loss.
Cosign to everything HeyThere! said. Everyone needs to grieve in different ways. I had two miscarriages and lost my 1 month old daughter due to a genetic defect. How I grieve for those losses is mine, but I have had people question how and I why I cope in the way that I do. If helps for Chrissy to post a picture on social media to grieve her loss, then I’m all for it. Perhaps by showing her grief and loss, and realizing she helping others get through their own circumstances, helps her process. Who knows?
Totally @Heythere!
Why does pain makes us so uncomfortable?
She chose to share this moment and we have to respect that.
why shouldn’t we talk abt it, why shouldn’t we see it. Who decides what can or cannot be shared?
I would probably not have shared these moments, but who am i to judge others who do?
I am not judging her about the miscarriage, or sharing her pain with the public.
I am talking about those photos.
Sharing those photos focus the attention on the photo itself and create a discussion which is far away from the pain or the miscarriage.
but why judge her about the photos at all ? the only ones creating a discussion about that is far away from the pain or the miscarriage are the judgmental people who feel that they must voice their opinions because this isn’t what THEY would do.
She choose to share the pictures, so be it. Miscarriages should not be hidden away and neither should grief. Death is part of life, not something that must be done privately because this is what convention dictates
Agreed. Whether or not we would have done it is beside the point. Grief is very personal, and what one person would do to cope with their loss, another person may not. This is what Chrissy did, and she has the right to do it.
I agree. The photo only distracts attention for people who want to find something to disagree with or nitpick. This news is so heartbreaking I am so sad for her. I had heavy bleeding in my 2nd trimester with my older child due to placenta previa and had to stay in the hospital for 2 weeks until I was allowed to go home and be on bedrest the rest of my pregnancy. I remember my panic that night on the way to the hospital. I remember counting down every day until she would have a better chance of success if she came early. I can only begin to imagine the overwhelming grief they must be feeling to have lost their baby who was already so far along. It makes my heart hurt. And I can’t imagine feeling critical of how she chose to share that news.
Eleonor, you are judging the way she is expressing her grief. There’s no defense of that.
Yeah. Let’s not police how people, and especially mothers grieve. Each person grieves differently. In addition, a lot of people have explained how these type of issues in pregnancy and pregnancy itself have been considered taboo, and women have had to grieve quietly as if they did something wrong. Celebrities choosing to use their platform to normalize it helps work against the stigma. If Chrissy can do that, and it helps her process, more power to her.
Yes to everything about this comment. Chrissy can choose how she grieves. Also good for her for destigmatizing miscarriages. It is very very common for women to experience loss like this and yet we don’t talk about this openly. As to the pictures, some people do. My mom is a retired OB nurse/midwife and she would talk about comforting grieving parents and how holding their babies and taking pictures was part of the grieving for some.
I wish her and John all the best.
100% THIS.
Thank you!
Agree with all this. It’s her and John’s grief to share and document how they choose. End of.
Agree. This wouldn’t be what I would do, but some find relief in sharing as part of their grief. And for those who say these photos shouldn’t be taken, you might want to learn more more about the history of news photography (and social media has now become a news outlet).
Florence Owens Thompson the subject of Dorothea Lange’s famous photograph Migrant Mother (1936). Napalm Girl, Kim Phuc, photographed by Nick Ut. While taken by professional photographers, we are already seeing the impact of amateur photography and video during life-changing and news moments.
This photo speaks more to me than just a social-media-grab but of a woman’s deep grief. Maybe we aren’t looking at the same thing?
Amen.
If sharing that photo helps one woman suffering this kind of loss understand that she’s not alone, I think it’s worth it.
I’m so sick of the “I’m sorry but…” crowd. Let her live her life and grieve the loss of a life the way she chooses.
I totally agree, Powermoonchrystal.
100% Agree
I’m really on the fence about the photos. I get the one of them holding him, I’ve seen that before, but I don’t understand the rest. Obviously it’s their personal experience and it’s their choice to share it, but who took the photos? Why were they there and *how* were they able to be there with all the COVID restrictions when it comes to hospital visitors? That’s confuses me more than the actual sharing of the photos. But regardless, it’s all so sad & heartbreaking and I wish them well.
Around here (and I think its nationwide) there’s an organization called Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep and they take these kinds of pictures so that grieving parents have something to look back on and remember, even if its a really hard memory. I remember I had a friend in middle school whose mom lost a baby in a similar fashion, years before he was born, and she never got to see the baby and didn’t have a picture, and it was something that haunted her almost 20 years later. These pictures are meant to prevent that feeling, I think.
God bless the Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep photographers. They photographed us holding our daughter. I didn’t want it at the time. I thought it was weird and too horrible to photograph. Now I’m glad we did it. It’s literally all we have of our daughter. As horrible as that day was, that album is one of the things I’d grab if our house caught fire.
I’m on the fence a bit, too, but if it helps them heal…
She said in the photos they named the baby Jack. They want photos of all their children. Jack is not going to be a afterthought for them.
I lost my 1- month old daughter 7 years ago. I have pictures of her (that I had a professional photographer come to our house and take because her eventual passing didn’t come as a surprise) all over our house. When people ask me about my kids (I also have a 5-year old and 12-year old) I tell them I have 3. It’s surprising to me how many well-intentioned people – who know my circumstances – wonder why I include my 1-month old in everything. Jack won’t be an afterthought to them and in my opinion, nor should he be.
A mom in my kid’s circle shares pic of her very premature still born twins every year on the day they were born. It is really disturbing but if it makes her feel better then she should do it.
Grief is nothing to be ashamed of. I think this photo puts a very human, real perspective on miscarriages. I think so many think, well, that didn’t work out but you can “try again.” The fact is that her child died and she is mourning that loss. We see lots and lots of pictures of people mourning, people in pain, people fleeing from disaster, or war, and this is no different. It doesn’t need to be kept private, or secret.
Yes. In my experience people’s instinct is to minimize the grief, even if they themselves experienced a loss. I couldn’t be talked out of feeling my loss and I appreciate this move towards publicly acknowledging both how common miscarriage is and how painful it is.
Exactly. These photos put a face and emotion into this statement. While it’s already heartbreaking enough, there is strength in not feeling alone. Her face is what I imagine mine was. So for everyone saying who does this why not keep it private, etc, stop judging grief and community healing. You ARE saying there is only so much people should share and then you are uncomfortable so they are wrong to share more. If it heals you to tuck it away that’s absolutely fine and it’s what YOU should do. But know without women who share, we would be forced to deny our feelings and hide away and not have a choice on how we grieve.
Personally, I think crafting rules about what can and can’t be shared (words vs. pictures) is gross. Pregnancy loss has been treated as something to hide away, so seeing these images and hearing these stories can be jarring because we’re not used to it. But shaming someone for posting these images infuriates me. She was halfway through her pregnancy and DELIVERED A BABY. That baby could have lived (I know someone with a child born at 20 weeks). The fact that her baby didn’t survive doesn’t change the fact that she gave birth to it. If people can share their delivery room pictures when the results are wonderful, why can’t they share them when the process ends with grief?
100% 100% 100% 100% 100%
1000% agree with this. People post pictures of themselves in the hospital after a successful delivery all of the time. Saying that it’s inappropriate to share this photo is to say that women need to need to keep unpleasant things to themselves and only share photos that will make others feel good. This photo is of a very real moment that was filled with very real emotion, and it’s perfectly acceptable to share.
100% agreed.
So many people saying “I know everyone grieves differently BUT…”
No “BUT”! This is what differently means. You don’t need to understand it, just accept that it is an action that does not harm anyone, it is her choice, and move on.
Why have an opinion on how a woman shares her pregnancy, her miscarriage, her grief?
Especially in a subject like this, where women have been silenced, censored, guilt-tripped etc for generations.
Also, to the people saying but how could you take photos when you are so overwhelmed with grief – well, maybe you can’t but some people can, and do because it helps them process things. It harms no one, literally.
My mom cried when she “confessed” to me how she had a miscarriage before me – I was an adult and did not even understand why a progressive woman like her was telling me this as if it was such a grim secret and somehow her fault. I am happy we are moving away from this.
This 100%! She shares everything online, so why not share this? We don’t talk about pregnancy loss nearly enough. I only felt shame when I lost my pregnancies, and very alone. Seeing this would have helped me at the time and it helped me this morning when I saw her post.
THIS 1000% It’s thoroughly disgusting.
Very well said, Lawcatb!
Yes, AA! So many women believe that miscarriages are their fault (I was one of them with my first miscarriage) and that somehow they don’t deserve to grieve because of this. The soonest we can thoroughly destigmatize this fallacy won’t be soon enough.
Agree with LawCatB 100%
I feel infuriated reading what I can only assume are well intentioned commenters saying it’s ok to share BUT THE PHOTOS *clutch pearls* oh no!
It absolutely was and is her right to share anything including pictures if she wants.
I am appalled that people who police her expression of grief.
When you lose a baby – the only thing you can control might be getting those pictures – you can’t control the FLOOD OF GRIEF
But you can try to stay alive and safe from drowning in the gushing rushing water pulling you under
Everyone grieves differently. If this is what she needed, then let her be. While I didn’t take a photo of myself after just having the loss, I did take a selfie of myself in grief not long after and shared it on social media for other friends who may have gone through it and are silent about it. Just so they know they’re not alone.
I have another friend who had a loss and she went into it in detail on social media. Lots of women then shared their stories. It was like a support group and I think it was helpful for a lot of us. I haven’t gone onto Chrissy’s social media, but I feel confident that’s what’s going on right now.
I have almost no intention of having biological children (very apathetic about the entire topic), so I don’t talk to my female friends about childbirth and pregnancy any more than is necessary. A few years ago, someone I know had a miscarriage and posted about it publicly; she’s still grieving the loss now. I don’t think I fully grasped the trauma of that miscarriage until viewing these photos — because societally, we DON’T talk about women’s suffering and loss. We minimise or erase it altogether, further traumatising them.
So to those who say, WHY, here I am. I likely wouldn’t have known or been able to feel this much empathy without the photos because I’ve never wanted or cared enough to know about this aspect of womanhood. I’m actually very grateful to Chrissy for posting these images because they’ve allowed me to see something terrible in a new light and with new depth. Stop shaming her.
V, thank you for this.
Maybe they just want to know that it was real. Jack was born, he existed, he’s a member of their family. If they want pictures of his birth and holding him, they should take them. If they want to share them like they would their living children, they should. miscarriages leave such a weird form of grief. It’s hard for other people to conceptualize grief for someone that they never met or saw. I think that we should give them a pass on this.
Let’s not judge grieving parents for processing their grief even if it’s a way that makes us uncomfortable.
We lost our first guy when I was 23 weeks pregnant. I delivered him and he only lived a few hours. I have pictures like these and while I haven’t shared them on social media-many of the women in my early infant loss group had. There is one mom that shares pictures of her son every year on his birthday. For many parents sharing those pictures are a important part of the grieving process. A way of saying their children were real and are loved and missed. For many others it’s to painful and something they’d rather keep private.
If it helps one mom feel less alone, if it helps them through this tragic time.
Exactly. Jack is real. He’s their child. Taking photos with him solidifies that, allows them to have that memory. There is nothing wrong with this.
I have been through this. I cried all morning when I saw the pictures. I actually appreciate their openness in this case. They are paying tribute to their son. He was part of the family, even for a short period of time.
Chrissy has shared so much of her life it feels natural that she would share her grief as well.
You mean sorry, not sorry. Don’t put an apology in your comment because we all know you’re in no way sorry for your opinion. I’m sorry people like you feel so entitled as to continue the stigma around sharing such a deep and personal loss.
I imagine given that baby was lost and only with them for a few hours, maybe putting his picture out there is a way to make it feel like he was truly real, he was here. Treating him as a full, valid, and equal family member even though he was here so briefly. Putting his baby photos out there just like their other children’s because he’s no less their child just because he passed on.
But it isn’t about you. It’s about this grieving family and how they choose to grieve is up to them. No way is wrong. It’s a process that is different for everyone and one that shouldn’t be policed. Families were pushed to hide this sort of thing for a long time and it was damaging. These days, the advice you’re given is to take photos. I have several friends who’ve lost babies late term and they all had photos taken. Some shared them, some kept them private. It came down to what they needed. Those who shared them needed people to know that this child happened. That this child was here and that they will think about them every day. They don’t want the child who died to be the silent unspoken thing no one knows about or talks about. They will never forget that child and they want the child acknowledged. They want their name known and spoken. One of my close girlfriends (who is also a doctor) shared this grieving process with us and very clearly explained what she was going through and how she wanted us to behave. We wish her dead child happy birthday every year and they celebrate him every year with their kids. it is not something that is tiptoed around. And they have processed their grief in an incredibly healthy way with the support of a large network of family and friends. This is how Chrissy and John are processing their grief. I think you should leave your criticism and judgment at the door.
A tragic situation for the family, to give birth and lose the baby must be so painful. The public grieving is fine, it is important to share experiences and if it helps others in the situation then that’s good.
Although I admit I can’t understand the desire to tweet about and will never comprehend why someone would want to share photos like that.
I think she must find comfort and solace in the support of her online community?
She shares so much of her life with her followers, and there are lots of people who care about her and have an interest in her life. I would be more shocked if she didn’t share, honestly.
She shared what she was comfortable sharing, and when I had my miscarriage I sat at home and texted all my friends and cried so hard every time I got a response back. I’m not sure why I did that, looking back, but getting that pain over with and the outpouring of love kind of helped I guess? I always deal with my grief by putting it out there.
On the other hand, I actively miscarried while working so that trauma was on full display of my coworkers and that was miserable. All this to say, I guess, is doing it on your terms helps? And everyone’s grief is processed differently.
If you haven’t had a loss, then I don’t fault you for not understanding, but let her grieve how she needs to. Honestly, this helps other women who have been through what she has, are silent about it (because our culture is gross and we’re expected to be silent about it) and can see this and know they’re not alone.
If you have had a loss, I am incredibly sorry for it, but remember that we all grieve differently.
I’m so devastated for them.
There is definitely a culture of silence around miscarriage, as well as one around fertility struggles. I praise Chrissy for posting this because its so brave and raw and grants visibility to women who feel that their struggles have gone unseen. I had a friend post about the multiple miscarriages she has had and it really brought it to reality for me, my mom is 54 and only recently spoke about her own fertility struggles carrying myself and my siblings.
Definitely sending them good vibes.
This is so awful. My heart goes out to them. What a shock.
What they’re doing is really important and I say this as someone whose close friend went through several miscarriages and just had a premature baby because of umbilical cord reverse flow. I’m worried sick about her and her little angel.
That’s why I worry for people who film everything – who takes a picture of a mother who’s lost her son crying? That is so strange to me and the thought process of it is complete obscure. We think this exposure helps – and it probably helps many people out there.
I just hope it helps them too? I feel very empty each time I go through recent events’ pictures. Images drain me and bring up lots of conflicting emotions because they don’t really represent much of what is true and real, and tangible.
I hope I’m not being negative but the excessive use of images seems to lead to emptiness and disengagement and people who do it a lot are, at least around me, unsurprisingly clinically depressive and disengaged in real life.
Anyway. Thanks Teigen and Legend for using your platform and I really hope you take time for yourselves and don’t project immediately what is so difficult and uniquely private to process.
I agree. I’m definitely supportive of public grief, and I know that everyone grieves differently. I just feel uncomfortable seeing such intimate photos, and I have to wonder why the photographer would want to snap a pic in such a tragic moment. I find it strange, and sometimes when photos like that are shared, it makes me doubt the authenticity of the moment.
Yes to every word.
I think perhaps this was the point. It is uncomfortable. But this is real, and this is how it feels when a tragedy like this happens, and this is what it looks like. This is how families hurt. I think it puts a spotlight on miscarriages that some people don’t really understand or know much about; and yes its so intimate and its so intrusive and personal.
I know her grief, I have photos of me holding my dead son born at 39w – the authenticity of her or anyone else’s experience is not up for you to evaluate or judge. I only have photos and a small urn of ashes left of my first child – those heartbreaking photos prove he existed, and will do the same for anyone else who has them.
That “tragic moment” is their only memory of their son being born. Jack was here. He is loved. He will always be their 3rd born child. They are the parents of three babies. These are the reasons why the only moments of their son’s birth were taken.
“it makes me doubt the authenticity of the moment.”
YOU DOUBT THAT SHE IS AUTHENTICALLY MOURNING THE DEATH OF HER CHILD???
That is a chilling lack of empathy right there.
I have a friend who is a photographer who volunteers to take photos for families who have suffered this kind of loss, because it HELPS the families GRIEVE. Families want people to know their child existed and was loved.
“I just feel uncomfortable seeing such intimate photos,”
And that’s the root of it all. YOU are the problem here. Their grief makes YOU uncomfortable, but this isn’t about you.
A friend of mine posted the photos of her stillborn niece a couple of times and at first I was pretty shocked, but then I thought about the culture of silence we have around this and how it was that culture that made me feel like that, not the photos themselves. I think Christie did a lot of good here at the most painful moment of her life by sharing these. A lot of women will feel seen.
“ who takes a picture of a mother who’s lost her son crying?“
There was some influencer, Brianna something? Who asked her husband to take a picture of her crying in the hospital bathroom when their son suddenly died so she could post it. Imagine losing your child and THAT’S what you care about in the moment.
Brittani Boren. I can’t with her. Her sweet baby died because she put him unsupervised in an adult bed to nap. Then she gained almost a million followers and has spent almost a year using her dead baby in Instagram sponcon. It’s horrifying.
I think we all need to remember that everyone processes things differently, has different coping strategies and ways of accessing their support network. I don’t get it either, but it’s not for me to get. It makes me think about the movie “Inside Out” and how they frame sadness as necessary because it shows others that we need support. Chrissy seems to have a very different filter than most of us for what is and isn’t too personal, so this still seems consistent in that sense. Maybe it helps her access support from her fans and community, maybe it is her way of processing, maybe advocated loudly allows her to reframe her trauma and use it to speak out for others who have lived the same experience in silence, maybe it’s important to her that this experience is widely marked and viscerally understood as a piece of her going forward, maybe it doesn’t feel real and taking and sharing these photos is how she is choosing to remind herself that this is something that actually happened.
Trauma is a strange thing. You don’t just get over it, it becomes a part of who you are. It doesn’t define you, but you find ways to live with it. During my greatest trauma, I kept the missing persons detective’s phone number on my fridge for months, even after the case was closed. I needed to be able to look at it and see for myself that my trauma was real, it wasn’t a terrible dream. In fact, I still have the paper in a box under my bed. I don’t live on social media, so it wouldn’t even occur to me to share that kind of thing, but I can sort of wrap my head around the idea that some people feel differently about social media and maybe that is their “fridge” where they keep that kind of reminder.
@Snowslow, you said the following: “I just hope it helps them too? I feel very empty each time I go through recent events’ pictures.”
To me, this is very poignant. I hope that’s okay to say. However, you are on one end of the view here. The people who take the photos, and the people for whom they are taken, are on other points of view. How you feel when you see images such as these is not how the people who take them would feel, and it’s not how the people whom they were taken for would feel.
All those three things are separate, and it’s best to not conflate how you feel when you look at these images, as an uninvolved third party, with how the people for whom this loss is a reality would feel when they see these images. Like I said, the two emotions are not the same. To give one example–you can easily close your browser and not see these pictures. But their family has to live with that loss forever. They don’t get an option to close their browsers on their grief. It will stick with them for the rest of their days. How they view these pictures, what it will represent for them, and what their choice to share it with the larger world from their platform does for them–you cannot assess that based on how you feel right now. Your position is just different from theirs in this equation.
Rather than assess how they would feel, I think you should think about how you feel. When you said, “I feel very empty each time I go through recent events’ pictures,” that spoke to me on some level. That is indicative of a level of fatigue that you should perhaps sit down and think about. Maybe, in this case, instead of wondering about what distant celebrities are thinking or feeling, turn your gaze inward and wonder about yourself. That might be more worthwhile in the long run.
I’m so sad for Chrissy and John. I can’t even imagine how they are going to explain this to Luna and Miles or how they will cope. They’re so young.
This is just devastating for their family. I don’t want to judge anyone on how they cope and grieve with such an enormous loss. For me, I don’t think I’d be willing to share such painful portraits. At the same time, if this helps Chrissy and John grapple with their loss and connect them to others that have experienced this as well, then sharing so openly is what is right for them. I am not a Chrissy fan (I find a lot of what she’s said and done problematic, and let’s be honest, she does seem attention thirsty), but no one should have to endure this pain. I hope they find comfort during this sad time.
She can mourn as she pleases, publicly, too, but I kinda see why people are giving her a side-eye. It’s not the miscarriage itself or that she’s speaking about it. It’s that somebody thought it’s a good idea to take her photo, crying in the hospital, making it stylish black & white … Looks weird, like their first thought was how to announce it to the world.
They’re grieving. Let go of what you think it looks like, and let them grieve. If you are ever in the same position (and I am sorry if you ever have been), you will also want the freedom to be allowed to grieve in the way that best fits you.
@nanny to the rescue most the photos of my stillborn nephew are black and white too. Babies born sleeping are often discolored (for lack of better word) and bruised. They do black and white as it’s more calming.
My guess is he passed and then she delivered him. So the volunteer photographers, were able to called and on hand. She had such a short time with Jack let her take all the photographs she can with him. If her sharing helps another woman, and I know it has, then it’s a good thing. If it makes YOU uncomfortable then no one is forcing you to look or comment.
People need to stop with this. I gave birth to my daughter at 25 weeks and when it was clear that my baby was not going to make it, my sister texted her sister in law who also delivered and lost a baby around the same gestational age and asked her how she could help me. Her SIL told her that if it was possible, to ask a photographer to come to the hospital and take photos. The hospital had asked the SIL if she wanted the hospital photographer to come but she declined, thinking she wouldn’t want to see those pictures later on, and it is one of her greatest regrets in the aftermath of losing her daughter. So my sister called a friend who is a photographer and she came to the hospital immediately. She took photos of our daughter in the incubator, took photos of me meeting my daughter for the first time, took photos of the baptism. She stayed in the background completely and just discreetly snapped photos when she saw a moment she thought we would want captured. She did not ask us to pose or make her presence intrusive in any way. We barely noticed she was there, but are eternally grateful that she was. Those pictures documenting the few hours of my daughter’s life are ALL I have. And I did post one of them, and my husband posted another when we shared on facebook that we had lost our daughter.
Also, “stylish black and white?” This comment makes me SICK. Several of the photos taken by our photographer were converted to black and white and I don’t look at them and think about how STYLISH THEY ARE. Jesus Christ.
Ann I’m so sorry. Big internet hugs.
@Nanny To The Rescue “She can mourn as she pleases…BUT… let me put all of my judgement of what is or isn’t the right way to grieve onto a grieving mother and judge her for it.” There fixed it for you.
“It’s that somebody thought it’s a good idea to take her photo”
Non-celebrity families do this as well. It is a regular thing, because it help families grieve.
It is so disturbing that so many chose judgement on this story instead of compassion.
Yes, Gippy! Many of the photos of my daughter (who was purplish throughout her 1-month stay on this realm) are black and white and sepia. While she was absolutely beautiful as is, it is nice to have some photos where I am not constantly reminded of her battle to live with us.
My heart is so heavy for them. I know Chrissy is a chronic oversharer, but I think in this case, it’s so important to normalise (for want of a better word) pregnancy loss. It happens so frequently (1in 4 in my country) and I just can’t imagine how it must feel for parents to carry that grief. It’s ok to grieve openly and we need to hold them in their grief. My heart goes out to Chrissy, John and every other person who has suffered the loss of an unborn child.
I lost a baby at 19 weeks, a few days after we found out it was a little boy. My pregnancy was normal and we were beyond devestated. Everyone walked on egg shells around me and my husband and we really had no one to talk with except each other. That was fine with us but i totally understand when others want to speak and speak loudly about what they are going through. Its their choice and theyve been through too much for us to judge i think. I wish them all the best in their recovery
Same Bryn. 20 weeks, no bleeding, no signs at all. Chrissy overshares, its what she is used to, and this is fine. Sorry if grief makes the world uncomfortable.
Same Riri & Bryn. I lost at a girl at 20 weeks. The loneliness was incredible and my husband was so heartbroken he would never try again. Our 5 years was just a few days ago. . I also find weirdly that some people act like you can’t be devastated because you have living children. Like it’s a grief competition. I’m heartbroken for her…
I’m so sorry for your loss and all the other posters sharing their stories.
She helped people by talking about her PPD with Luna and she’s helping people now. It may make some people uncomfortable for a few moments while reading this but women suffering from these things are far more than uncomfortable for days, weeks, months, years on end.
A lot of people “not judging her but” on here. Yes maybe you wouldn’t share, well nobody asked you too. Yes, perhaps the black and white pic looks like an announcement to you- well that’s what it Felt like to them.
Just don’t speak about the grief-related actions of people, I think it’s gross. You can have those conversations in your home but this is all available for you, me and Chrissy & her family to read.
Say sorry that this happened and keep it moving or don’t say anything at all.
Agreed.
The way they choose to share their grief should not be the hot point here.
I agree as well. As someone who has miscarried more than once I’m heartbroken for her and think she needs to do her without judgement. If it makes you uncomfortable don’t look and move on.
Also, there have been so many people on SM, IG in particular, that I’ve seen post these same images when they have had a loss. She is not alone in that at all. I know a few celebs have too. I’m part of some loss groups so that’s probably why I see them in my explore page all the time but these types of images are not out of the ordinary.
Thank you for this. I miscarried at the start of the pandemic, when my state went into lockdown and I couldn’t see my friends or hug anyone. I talked to a couple of friends, but by and large I experienced the grief of it completely alone. When I saw her photo on instagram, as tragic as it is, I felt a little less alone for a moment, that I knew that grief and I shared it.
Some of these comments judging her for having had a photo taken and for having shared it are just…disappointing. We take photos and share raw, uncomfortable images of conflicts, of natural disasters. Why is this grief not deserving of being seen? Why is it somehow less valid than seeing photos of victims of war? A lot of the people commenting here need to do some self-reflecting. We can do better than this.
I cried treading Chrissy’s instagram and Twitter, and am crying reading this entire thread of comments. Sending you all love.
I agree. This isn’t the time to take a poll and decree whether or not this family is grieving appropriately. It doesn’t matter how many other commenters would have reacted this way. This is how they are grieving, and they get to make that choice. People need to tap into their compassion and keep their judgment to themselves.
I miscarried three times and never spoke to friends about that. This is something I really regret. So I don’t judge her
I’m so sorry you went through that pain, hugs
My heart is heavy for that family today.
I think she is allowed to grieve as loudly and openly as she wants. What are considered private moments for some, are sometimes where others see an opportunity for connection. To share such an astounding loss is brave and probably what feels right for her in this moment. I hope she is and feels surrounded by love right now.
The emotions in that post are so raw, it’s hard to look at, but I hope others who have experienced the same struggles with fertility and miscarriages will read it and feel like they are not alone.
My family went through this several times, and one of the worst things was feeling ashamed to burden others with my sadness.
Later, I found out that MOST of the women in my life had their own secret stories – friends and family who hadn’t told anyone before. I was stunned that we had all been grieving in our own little bubbles, feeling lonely and unaware there were others right there who could have been a comfort.
I’m very sad for her but also very putoff by her need to share EVERYTHING on social media. Keep some things for your family. No one has to suffer in silence but that’s very different from having a personal photographer chronicle it and tweet on your way home from the hospital.
Let her grieve how she needs to. If you don’t like it, this is very much a situation where if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all. Imagine being her, having just given birth to her dead son and she sees this comment. Let her be. Her sharing this is helping a lot of women who suffer in silence.
Her tweet about going home from the hospital without a baby – it was exactly how I felt on the drive home from the hospital after losing my baby. Exactly. And seeing those words made me feel a kinship with her and grateful to her for showing the world just how this kind of loss hits you.
Sara, you might not realize it, but “normal families” have photographers take these kinds of pictures ALL THE TIME because they want to document the fleeting moments the family has with their child. Families share these photos because they want people to know their child was loved and existed.
I’m incredibly “put off” by your lack of compassion and empathy for grieving families, celebrity or not.
Think about what these kinds of comments do to women who have been/will be in this situation, and how they will second guess their grieving because of the judgment they have seen. Taking photos, sharing photos of these moments is NOT something anyone should ever judge.
Heartbreaking
How absolutely heartbreaking. Her post made me cry.
I agree that there is a culture of silence (October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, as an fYI, to help combat that culture) – and I think that sharing things like this probably helps them with their grieving, to put it out there, and it definitely helps other people. I have a friend who lost her baby around 20-21 weeks in a very tragic and emotional way, and she was the first person I saw this morning who shared Chrissy’s post and picture and talked about all the emotions it stirred up for her.
I’m so, so sorry for their loss. What tremendous pain and grief they must feel. Their way of sharing might not be what’ I’d do, but that’s not here or there. I hope they find solace eventually and comfort in Miles and Luna. I read this at 4 am as I nursed my six month old baby and my three year old daughter sleeping beside me. This made me want to hug them tighter today.
I don’t typically post, but comments judging her for posting pictures about her miscarriage just illustrate why there is such an unnecessary culture of silence around miscarriages and why, when they do happen, women feel alone and broken.
When Cake Bose Buddy Vallestro posted pictures of himself in the hospital following his horrific injury no one questioned why he would release something so personal. Why is miscarriage treated differently? Its because it makes us uncomfortable to think of grief.
At the end of the day, everyone goes through life differently. Would I post these, no but that’s me. Hopefully, this helps her and her family process the loss. It may also help someone else going through the same and feeling alone. Sending them all positive vibes.
I agree 100%. The judgement in these comments is disgusting. I’ve gone through several miscarriages before. Chrissy just had a stillbirth and is sharing with the world her pain and grief and people are talking about the filter in her photos. I always felt too ashamed to speak out about my losses but her sharing with the world makes me feel less alone. (And one of the reasons why I felt ashamed is because of judgmental people)
I agree with you. I have been though what Chrissy went through and I actually wish I had more pictures. It all feels like a dream/nightmare now. It’s surreal.
I agree. Someone else mentioned it, but still birth photography is now more common (theres a free foundation that does it, i forget what its called). I had a late term loss and the grief made me do weird things. Posting a picture would not be something I would have done, but to each their own. It was years before I could post anything, and that was a small statement on miscarriage and stilbirth day (Oct 15th). I’m not sure how far along Chrissy was, but its not the grief olympics.
And leaving the hospital without a baby is so unfair and painful. Having to call my boss and mom and explain was horrible. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
Yes! We see photos online all the time from women’s elation of a healthy birth and no one says ugh too personal. But someone shows the other side and we say ‘too much’. As someone who’s had 5 losses I’ve learned as I went from people who’ve shared their stories/losses. Would I have posted pictures post surgeries / losses? No but I still cried when I saw her post this morning.
Good point. It seems like there’s always an almost victorian rush to shame some people for not being discreet about their painful experiences, the highs and lows of life. Maybe sharing this experience just as openly as she shares other parts of her life is part of her healing process. We definitely shouldn’t assume that because a woman shares something like this, her pain isn’t genuine.
The Victorians actually pioneered death photography – so calling it Victorian is actually a total misnomer. You can google it – there are some very affecting (or unsettling, depending on your viewpoint) images out there of Victorians and deceased loved ones.
I’ve had 2 miscarriages myself. And I speak from experience. She can grieve however she wants to. And yes it helps the rest of us feel less alone. Like there is someone out there who understands.
I hope she feels less alone too.
Also she was more than 20 weeks along. I believe it’s no longer a miscarriage but called a stillbirth. I can’t even imagine the pain. God Bless You Chrissy and John.
Her post makes me think Jack was born alive, and passed a few minutes after birth. Absolutely tragic.
I think he was too. It’s a loss which is devastating. I can’t imagine her pain and if this helps even one person then it was worth her sharing it.
I prefer the encompassing term “pregnancy loss.” I do get the impression that Jack was born and passed after his birth, which would make this neither a miscarriage or stillbirth. However it occurred, the circumstances are tragic and I think the parents should define it however they wish. It is not for us to judge.
I came here to post something similar. @kaiser – is it possible to not use the word miscarriage, and instead something more accurate like premature birth and death? Words matter when dealing with pregnancy loss.
Genuine question— if Jack was born alive and then passed shortly after, is it not appropriate to refer to it as the death of her son? As an outsider with no knowledge of the correct terms, that is how I would have expected it to be worded, and I just wondered why the term “pregnancy loss” is a better fit here. Appreciate any clarification you may have!
@sigmund – That is an accurate description – her son died shortly after birth. Thank you for asking the question.
Miscarriage in the death of a fetus before 20 weeks. Stillbirth is after 20 weeks – both are defined with inter-uterine death. Jack had a chance to breathe air and feel touch and will receive a birth and death certificate, something a stillborn baby doesn’t get. Pregnancy loss is a good catch-all that doesn’t mess around with technical details of how long in the pregnancy one is, but in Jack’s case, he was born prematurely and died.
Also – saying the name of the baby, Jack, Foster (in my case) makes a difference. They are our children, and they deserve to have their names said aloud.
Yup, she she didn’t just lose her pregnancy, she lost her baby .
Heartbreaking. I can’t even imagine. My heart goes out to them.
What Chrissy and John are doing is amazing, even if it’s in a manner I wouldn’t do it.
I had a number of miscarriages while starting my family. The shame I felt was so deep, and how others responded to (and dismissed) my grief really hurt me. If I had seen one other woman going through what I was, it would have made such a difference.
I consider myself BEYOND lucky to have never experienced this. I am lucky – and I understand that it is all down to luck, and chance, that I have not dealt with this. My heart absolutely breaks for her and her family. I hope she is able to move through it without any guilt. So many women experience guilt after pregnancy and child loss – they think that maybe if they did something different, it wouldn’t have happened. The grief she and John feel must be immense and consuming at this point and they have every right to mourn as they wish. I do hope she takes some time offline, because there is going to be toxicity online.
Always take the pictures!!! This is not a celebrity thing, this is something that is encouraged widely. This is something we work on in the field of infant loss. Parents have lost so much in that moment. They have lost future moments of joy and tenderness. They are acknowledging their baby exists! That they held them, that they loved them. Trust me, I wish I had taken the time to say yes to the pictures. I wish I had say yes to capturing the moments that now live foggy in my mind. We honor mothers by allowing them to have something to hold onto. Something tangible that’s screams “you existed and we love you!” It might make others uncomfortable but it’s not about our discomfort. They will look back on those pictures and remember how they showed up for each other and collectively loved their baby.
I didn’t realize this was a thing until I spent some time on our mom-baby ward. And it’s something that I think my Mom would have wanted to do when she miscarried at 5 months, a year before I was conceived. And she didn’t tell me about it until I was a teen, because it wasn’t something you were supposed to talk about.
This was the advice my doctor had for me when we realized the baby wasn’t going to make it. Take pictures. You don’t have to look at them if you don’t want, you can keep them in a drawer or on a hard drive. But someday down the road you might want to see him as it’s the only memory or tangible item you’ll have. You’ll never regret having those pictures, you will regret it if you don’t.
Yes, this!! Thank you for your post!
I have a friend who volunteers with a hospital to take these kinds of photos, and it is so important to grieving families that they have this option. They should not be shamed for it. Thank you for laying out the reasons why it is so important.
I read this story early this morning and could not stop 😢. This is so sad 😭. They have my deepest sympathy, please stay strong I can not imaging what they are going through.
Sending HUGE hugs to all the women on here who’ve experienced this type of loss. Back in March, we lost our baby at 17 weeks, and seeing this news and her photos hit me hard today. I’m still grieving and I feel so sad for them. If posting those photos and sharing this story helps her get through her grief, then she should share. We don’t talk about this stuff enough – we portray pregnancy as the happiest time, filled with rainbows and ice cream, but this shit is rough and there are so many things that can go wrong.
Huge hugs back to you, lobstah. I am so sorry for your loss. It must have been really hard to cope during the quarantine. I had three miscarriages, all first trimester, but I had lots of people around, bringing me flowers and loving on me. Sending a little of that to you now 🌺🌻🌼🌸🌹🌷
Thank you, @Call_me_al. I’m sorry for your losses, as well.
I was incredibly moved by the photo and I cannot imagine their pain.
My mom lost twins at 28 weeks in the 1960’s and the way her community remained silent and almost dismissive was reprehensible. A 40 year depression ensued. She was never the same.
Miscarriages are common, even without a history of reproductive issues like Chrissy has had to deal with. I don’t know who took the picture, but I’m not gonna harp on her for sharing it. I had a miscarriage in my twenties. I had already had a kid and had a very easy pregnancy with no medical issues. When we tried for our second, I never even thought about miscarriage as an option. I didn’t even know anyone who had a miscarriage (or so I thought) and was healthy. When it happened, I was in shock and have never felt so alone. I didn’t even want to tell people because it felt too personal and almost taboo. But then my mom mentioned she’s been through it. A girlfriend at work talked about her own experience with it. And suddenly I felt less alone and like I could talk about my grief. If Chrissys post does that for other women, then I’m not going to judge her on how much she shares with the world.
How heartbreaking. I’m truly sorry for the loss of her little boy.
As for why she’s sharing such a moment, it’s ultimately up to her and John. It’s their child that they lost therefore it’s up to them how they choose to share their grief. I don’t judge anyone’s ways of talking/sharing about loss and death. It’s not up to me.
What a devastating loss. I’m so sad for them and their children. My deepest sympathy and love goes out to them.
I do think it’s good when women feel comfortable sharing these stories, as difficult as it must be. I never realized just how common miscarriage was until Instagram, if I’m honest, and taking the stigma and loneliness away must help so many other couples. I follow so many women who have miscarried, it’s staggering.
The only thing I ever questioned in this case was their choice to reveal their baby news at all, honestly. It’s a risky to reveal a high-risk pregnancy with early complications. But that was their choice because Chrissy likes to share, so I understand. And I’m grateful that she is sharing information that could help others.
So we can keep quiet and pretend we were never pregnant if things don’t work out?
I don’t think we should be so hard on them for publishing their photos. They were probably documenting the pregnancy already but when it turned bad, decided to publish the photos because it might help someone.
I’ve had three second term miscarriages. By the second term, you think you’re in the free and clear. I am so incredibly sorry for their loss. It is a kind of pain that is hard to describe. You’re mourning for a little person that you never met, which I think makes it even harder. You second guess everything you’ve done. Chrissy should be able to mourn however she would like. She is a very public person and if this helps to normalize miscarriages, then good on her.
Flamingo, I’m so incredibly sorry for your losses. I don’t know you at all, but I’m going to send prayers and love your way. I do not know how you had the strength to keep trying after such loss; you must be incredibly brave and really really want a child. I hope you get your wish, and whatever happens, I wish you much more joy and happiness in your future. <3
Thank you for your kind words. I had two second term miscarriages and at least five early miscarriages before I had my son. We tried for one more, which ended up being another second term miscarriage, so I’ve become content with the idea of only having one. I’m like Chrissy and had a heck of a time getting pregnant at all. I did chlomid, IUI, and IVF every time. It was incredibly taxing and I know that she went through the same process.
It is tragic.
Loving everyone understanding how different people grieve and choosing grace over criticism.
Photos are the only thing we have left. He was too small to get the handprints or a lock of hair. So we took photos, and yes, they’re black and white because it made it less obvious that his skin was red and underdeveloped. You can see their baby in one of the photos where they’re looking at him, and maybe they made the photos black and white for the same reason. Even if they didn’t, their baby died. Let them grieve how they feel is best.
I feel so badly for her. It’s such a terrible feeling. She’s gone through so much.
I am sorry for your loss Isa
Thank you so much. ❤️
I’m so sorry. Jahguide.
My best friend’s little sister started a non profit to support and being awareness to miscarried and stillborn babies after she lost her own days before her due date. She felt she didn’t have anywhere to turn or who understood after the whole ordeal. She calls all of the little ones we lost too soon angel babies. I’m so proud of her for turning her grief into action. She named the foundation after her own Angel baby Noel Alexandria.
As a a physician, as someone who has had multiple miscarriages – albeit none at that late stage- I am glad she is posting these if she is comfortable.
When I had my first miscarriage, I thought I didn’t know anyone who had suffered one. It was heartbreaking and isolating. Then I realized after talking to people that SO MANY women had one, but never talked about it. Silent grief. Horrible. Imagine your dog dying, but you couldn’t tell anyone about it, so you had to walk around sad and distracted for a while and no one knew what was going on, no one offering comfort…
The picture of her getting the epidural to deliver her (dying) baby – no different than people who take photos lying next to loved ones dying. We need to destigmatize female grief and obstetric loss. Some people want to be public and some don’t. If this helps her through this, good. She will need everything she can to get though the next few weeks.
I can say I was much more open about my following losses, and it felt better and was much healthier for me mentally.
I have read every single comment from top to bottom, and I loved yours the most. I’m very sorry for your losses, and wish you the very best.
Last night I was listening to a song on YouTube and read the comment: ‘how many millions of people are also listening to this song right now? It’s an amazing connection.’ And perhaps that is what Chrissy is doing: sharing that image at that moment when a million other women are shaking with the same grief. She lives her life mediated by a lens, as part of an intangible yet bonded community. Her naked grief and pain is echoed and echoing in so many other communities, is allowing the normalisation of open grief. So many women suffer miscarriages in silence. I did myself – I lost a baby through domestic violence. I’ve never written those words or processed it properly because miscarriage grief is somehow shameful, because my ex made me feel responsible for the rage that caused my baby’s death, because women are supposed to be the ‘strong ones’, to carry grief as a burden on our backs and not to break the code of silence. I wouldn’t have written those words if Chrissy had not shared her pain. I’ve never written the words ‘my baby’ before. She is doing a great service to the world through her tragedy and for this, she should be celebrated. We grieve as one, and I grieve right now, for her and with her.
❤️ U.
OMG: I’ve never been as moved by a column in my life. This is certainly “life and death”. I am so extremely sorry for your loss, and so glad you are becoming able to process it in a self-loving, honest way. Miscarriage grief is NOT shameful, you were NOT to blame for your baby’s death, and if it helps any other women to discuss or process their grief, that’s a blessing from a tragic, heart breaking situation. Best wishes Andrew’s Nemesis. <3
I’m of a generation that thinks life isn’t real for young people unless they’re posting it online, and the need to “stage” everything from proposals to gender-reveals vaguely cheapens it as a “social commodity”. But this has helped me see that it’s just a different approach, a different comfort level with media; they are definitely broken hearted, and so am I that this happened to them. I think it IS good to share about miscarriages and stillbirths; why should people feel it’s something that needs to be hushed up? The traditional silence makes it all the more difficult to get through, I think. And as always on Celebitchy, I’ve learned a lot from everyone’s comments, about how pictures can give the person or couple something tangible to hold on to in their grief, further evidence that it wasn’t just hushed up or swept away and ignored. I think I’ll go on Instagram for the first time today, and become a Chrissie Teigen follower, I send love and prayers to all the women and couples who experience this terrible loss.
It’s good that you’re willing to keep an open mind about it.
My heart goes out to Chrissy and the Legend fam. My miscarriage devastated me and thankfully no one was judging me on how I chose to grieve.
How heartbreaking for them and all the millions who go through this, too. Especially for the millions of women who weren’t allowed to hold their lost babies.
I know a woman who had a late loss and due to how he was removed from her body (it was an intensely complicated situation), she wasn’t able to hold him. It crushed her.
So many of these comments are “I would never judge this situation, but let me go ahead and judge it anyway.” Please, just stop. Not one of these negative comments is useful or constructive. She lost a baby, and we don’t get to judge how she should have gone about doing that, how much she should have shared, or how she should have shared.
Photographers have been challenged many times (how could they have taken a picture of that??) but the fact is that photos are a very telling, very real, very important part of how we tell our stories and this family is not at all the first to share very personal photos of tragedies that occur in the hospital.
Please, if you really do believe that you’re the type to just support, not judge, you need to be able to support a choice that you personally would not make and you need to actually not judge a situation as awful as this.
Very, very sad. What I don’t get though is how the doctor did the operation to remove her implants without doing a pregnancy test? I thought it was standard operating procedure to give a woman a pregnancy test right before surgery. I know I’ve gotten it, and other women of child bearing age as well before going under anesthesia.
Casey, she did have a pregnancy test prior to surgery and it came back with a false negative.
Oh, I didn’t know that. Thank you.
She did take a pregnancy test…it was negative.
My doctor had me take a pregnancy test because we were trying and I needed antibiotics for something unrelated. It was negative, but…..guess what?! It happens.
And why are you bringing this up now @casey?
It feels like your looking for something to blame her for, a reason why it’s her fault she lost her pregnancy
My heart breaks for her. I’ve had 2 miscarriages and a full term stillbirth. I’m in favor of her posting this. It’s needs to be talked about more. So many couples are grieving in silence when there is so much support out there. The pain is something you’ll never know existed unless you’ve been through it and talking about it helps tremendously.
My grandmother suffered a late-term pregnancy loss in the 1960s, and she almost died from complications. She never sought help dealing with her trauma – it wasn’t something you did or talked about – which led to years of physical and emotional effects. She only started talking about it shortly before she died this spring.
This is devastating for Chrissy and John and personally I think it’s incredibly brave of them to let others in the same situation know that they aren’t alone in their pain. Maybe if people were open about pregnancy and child loss fifty years ago my grandmother wouldn’t have suffered in silence for half her life.
I visited my FIL at an old home facility, and something that amazed me was how even extremely old women – even those whose minds were fuzzy – would remember and share in vivid detail their stories of being in labor, and birth or loss. These are pivotal parts of our lives, and I’m glad your grandma was able to unburden some of her experience and pain. Unacknowledged grief and pain can affect families for generations, with no one understanding how or why.
My grandmother experienced the loss of her daughter in the early 60s – she was born at 24 weeks and lived 2 days before passing. She was the first child for my grandparents. My grandfather was so traumatized that he refused to attend the births of his subsequent children (of which there were 6) because he was so afraid they would die. My grandmother never, ever speaks of it – I learned about it from my aunt, who stumbled upon the baptismal certificate while doing a family tree project. That’s the only way we know about her. Both of my grandparents say they have 6 children, not 7. But she did exist, she was here – for a very short time, but still, she was here. We do not honor memories by hiding them. Chrissy is doing a good deed by being so open. Jack may not have been here long, but he was here, and he will be their child forever. I am glad they are letting us all see that as well.
My mother was the same. After trying for 7 years unsuccessfully to conceive naturally, my mother and father adopted me. Two years later, they adopted my brother. Then, my mom got pregnant. She was around 18 WEEKS when she miscarried. I always wondered what my baby brother or sister would have looked like, if we would have been close, etc. Back in the 70’s they didn’t even tell my mom if it was a boy or girl. How cruel. My mom won’t talk about it. So, good for John and Chrissy. Jack was here, they loved him and I will not judge them.
This is maybe me being pedantic, and not to minimize the pain of women who lose earlier pregnancies, since a loss is a loss no matter what. But this is technically a stillbirth, not a miscarriage. And yes, there are definitely professional photographers who specialize in taking family portraits with their stillborn babies, as a way to normalize and validate the family’s experience and memorialize the child even if the baby did not live long, the same way a family would take professional newborn photos. Dressing, swaddling, holding, photographing the baby is an important part of the grieving process for families who experience stillbirth.
I’m glad she has these pictures. I’ve had three miscarriages. I was out of state when the second one had begun. By the time I got to the hospital for an ultrasound, everything was gone. Someone (technician? Doctor?) had the nerve to ask me if I was sure I had been pregnant.
Yes, I had had an ultrasound. We had seen our baby’s heart beating.
Chrissy has those pictures and no one can take that from her. Me? I have nothing from my three miscarriages, except a faded positive pregnancy test.
I’m so sorry for your losses. I had a number of miscarriages too, I know what you mean about wanting the memories.
The photo is brutal and I can’t get over the woman in the back, on the computer, business as usual, ho hum, doing nothing to comfort her.
Mumbles, I noticed that too. Personally, I have found my nurses to be angels. I hope/think that nurse was giving Chrissy her space as needed and was comforting her as needed as well.
Also… the nurse was probably suffering as well. 🙁
I’m glad to hear you had good experiences with nurses. The ones with my family have been uniformly horrible, downright cruel, so that just triggered me.
I wish I could be as charitable as what you think she was doing. All I could think is that she was finishing up the paperwork so she could go out for her smoke. Then again, Chrissy is famous so maybe she got treated better.
@mumbles, the thing with pictures is they are a split second capture. We really have no idea what happened before or after. Maybe the nurse turned around and realized she was crying and offered comfort. Maybe she had turned back upon realizing she was crying and was giving her space. I’m uncomfortable calling out a nurse for seeming lack of caring when we have no idea the conversation or mood in the room. Especially now with healthcare workers working so hard during the pandemic. Nurses tend to be professional and compassionate (and yes I know there can always be isolated stories of bad behavior) but I think we should give the benefit of the doubt here.
You’re seeing literally 1 second snapshot. Her nurses were probably with her, mourning with her, holding her, for all her admission. Unless you’ve been with women going through these horrifying moments, maybe consider you aren’t seeing the whole picture.
You have no idea what the nurse is going through or thinking or said to her. You don’t know what happened before or after that photo was taken.
I worked in a hospital with a neonate unit. Sometimes, we lost babies, and it’s always really sad for everyone. It’s not apathy you’re seeing in that nurse, though – it’s respect. You literally have to create a line of separation from other people’s grief in order to do your job. They’re relying on you to hold it together when they can’t. That nurse probably is hurting for that family, but it’s their pain, and they have a right to express and feel it without having your own sympathetic grief intrude on it.
All I see is a nurse doing her job which is exactly what she should be doing.
Vitals still need to be recorded. That’s really an ugly thing to suggest about the nurse being cold when it’s a second in which she was doing another aspect of her job.
My mother had a stillbirth before she got me and she just opened up about it with me not too long ago – 40 years after it happened. She wasn’t given the time and space to grieve properly when it happened, in fact the nurses and relatives around her said cutting and unhelpful words to her / within her hearing. 40 years and 4 more children after that and she was still visibly affected by the loss and the pain she had to endure alone and in silence.
More recently, my brother and his wife lost their 2nd son in a stillbirth too. Carried to full term with no signs of problem until the due date. I cried when my mother told them to take their time holding the baby after the birth, no matter what others have to say about it. Broke my heart and angered me that she was denied that when it happened to her.
That’s what I’m reminded of when I saw Chrissy’s pictures. I would not do it myself but I appreciate that she did. It’s unrealistic to hope that nobody has to experience this kind if loss ever, so instead I hope those who do will get to grieve as they need to.
Sometimes I wonder if it’s their attempt to “soften” the heartbreak. I miscarried a twin and my doctor responded “well, that one just didn’t stick.” Of course I didn’t suffer a stillbirth. Your poor mother and brother and sil 🙁
I have been worried sick for her since she started posting about her symptoms. This exact thing happened to me. I was pregnant via my third and last via IVF procedure with the last embryo we had. I started bleeding at about 18 weeks after having just gone to an extensive ultrasound the week before and told all was well and normal. I went into early labor and was told I would be having the baby and it wouldn’t be viable. Premature labor then stopped and I was on bedrest at home and then on bedrest in the hospital for a month. I had my baby at 24 weeks at 3 days and he weight 1 lb 4 oz and I actually started bleeding out after delivery due to placenta previa and had to have emergency surgery. My baby spent 4 mos in NICU and came home on oxygen but is a normal, flourishing 8 year old today. I can relate to everything she is feeling and was praying for her to get to the 24 week mark. Although mine had a miraculous outcome, it was a traumatic experience that came flashing back with this story.
Completely devastated for her and her family. Hoping for healing and care. I am heartbroken for them.
Hi. Please use the correct verbiage. She did not miscarry. She had a stillbirth. It is very likely that that she was more than 20 weeks pregnant. Any infant loss after 20 weeks is considered a stillbirth. Sadly I speak from firsthand experience with this. Please raise awareness on stillbirth and infant loss. Infant and pregnancy loss temperance day is 10/15
Thank you for sharing this. My condolences.
My heart goes out to Chrissy and her family. Yes, it is personal, but women too often feel alone and that they’ve done something wrong when this happens. I appreciate their openness and brokenness in this tragic event. May they find peace.
Well, that’s so sad. They new him already, named him.
I don’t like CT and I don’t follow her but this is sad news for anyone who looses a child.
I saw the announcement this morning on insta. I follow her and was so happy when she announced she was pregnant. I’m an IVF mom and the IVF community really opened my eyes up to how common miscarriage and sadly even stillborn and infant loss is. My nephew was born stillborn at 32weeks last year while I was pregnant with my IVF babes. It was devastating to our family and it breaks my heart anytime I hear of losses like this. It feels personal with Chrissy as I’ve been following her for awhile and she was so open. I love her openness. When you go through IVF there is such openness with other women and couples going through it – and it is so, so helpful. A fellow IVF’er prepared me for the awful side effects, especially when it doesn’t work and I was so grateful for that openness. I think her personality and her experiences have her being more open than most would expect. But I love it and I think it is truly healing for so many women. And I love her pictures and I think it’s sweet she shared- it pisses me off people want to censor her and them. That baby matter let her share. It’s common with stillborns to spend the day/night with them on a cool cot and to take pictures. It helps the grieving process and that baby matter, let them take the pictures and share as they wish.
My heart absolutely breaks for her. I was I. The hospital last year for this issue and every moment is terrifying. You know if any baby movement will be the last one you feel. Every twinge, every feeling of something going on down there can bring panic. And to have this end in the worst way possible is just horrific. I don’t care how rich or poor or famous or not famous, this is the absolute worst thing to happen to a parent. Sending love to them and everyone who this has happened to.
Today is also the first day of pregnancy and infant loss awareness month, in case it wasn’t mentioned.
The first time I had a healthy pregnancy. The second time I miscarried at the end of the first trimester. My mom told me it was unusual for a women to have multiple children without having miscarried. She had miscarried at 5 months in between my older brother and me. Luckily the third time I had another healthy pregnancy. I applaud Chrissy for putting this out there. Miscarriage happens to so many women, and it is awful when people know about your pregnancy and you have to tell them about the miscarriage. I think her very brave.
It’s so so common.
I have a soft spot for anyone who has ever had to endure fertility treatments (it took me. 13 years to have my son). I was so happy that she had this unexpected natural pregnancy. I know the devastation of a second trimester loss. You’ve seen the ultrasounds, you’re showing, you feel them moving… it’s so much more real and heartbreaking than my very early losses. Much love and light to them.
I don’t understand all the criticism. She’s more than a typical oversharer, I agree, but these pictures are both hauntingly beautiful and equally heartbreaking. There are photographers that specialize in these types of shoots. These are the pictures that show the pain of life and the traumas that women suffer in pregnancy and child-birth. Why should anyone hide it? There is no shame in it.
There are photographers who are on call for this very thing. I lost twins in my second trimester and all I have of them are the photos that Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep took. They are absolutely priceless.
My heart goes out to them. So sad.
I woke up to this news and it gutted me. I normally don’t get upset over celeb stuff but this hit me hard. As a mom of two…I can’t even begin to imagine their pain. I don’t want to. Sending all the love and light their way.
I think those pictures are actually very beautiful and truly moved me. And I am usually critical of people over sharing on social media.
These would be completely appropriate attached to a magazine piece about a couple going through a stillbirth experience. That it is Chrissy Teigen might give this a few more layers than normal, but essentially she and John have provided the public with an opportunity to know about a sensitive life experience, and many will find solace in knowing they aren’t alone.
I agree. I feel badly for them, and think sharing this sorrow is very selfless of them.
I have never suffered such a loss and hope to never experience such grief! I find these pictures sad and beautiful at the same time. yes they are personal, but there is so much love and grief as well as lasting images of the journey and time with their little one. I admire the courage. Little jack was loved and fought hard and these pictures chronicle their journey.
I’ve had two miscarriages and one rainbow baby. Each one affected me differently, but in common a lot of feelings of guilt.
A bit of a tangent but I shared with my childhood BFF that I had been sexually abused as a child. She shared that so had she. Another thing far too common.
I am so sorry to hear for the both of you.
I hope sharing this small part of your life allows many strangers to send you love and hope you have the support you need!
She lost her child. She can do whatever the f*** she wants.
I fully endorse this comment.
I mourn the loss of compassion in our society.
After my miscarriage, I was told by a doctor in our family that the medical community estimates that approximately 50% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. A majority of those are ones where the woman doesn’t even know they’re pregnant – it appears to simply be a heavy period.
For those of you grieving your loss, or know someone that is, there’s a terrific support network called P.S. I Love You. It’s a pretty incredible resource.
Heartbreaking news. Minor correction the baby died shortly after birth NOT still born or miscarriage. I dont follow her news but I saw the music clip she did and her talk about IVF. It would’ve been better to lock comments as trolls are leaving her nasty comments.
I’m shocked by how many people are unaware of how common miscarriages are. Maybe because I grew up knowing how many my grandmother had before she had my dad or one of my friend’s who had a one or two before she had her daughter, I don’t know.
I am not big on those who over share but in these type of situtations, especially for celebrities who do have an outlet & a voice, I think it’s important for people to know they aren’t alone in these situations. Very sad and very heartbreaking.
I had a work mentor (I’m a nurse so our mentors are everything to us as we grow and learn). Her only child was a full term stillborn. The nurse in the room with her made her aware of this in a horrible way (I won’t share what she said). This was in the 80’s and things were different in health care at the time. She went on to become a nurse herself and was an incredible woman. She was diagnosed with ovarian cancer just before I got pregnant with my son, and she met him several times. I have the happiest pic of the two of them. She passed away when my baby was 9 months old. I cried so hard imagining her rocking her baby, Adam, finally….after all this time. I’m tearing up just thinking about it. I would hold my son in the rocking chair while he slept and just cry.
I’ve also had friends more recently who had very late pregnancy loss. Those pics mean everything to them (thank God we do things like take pics and footprints now). Some have shared and some have not. I never judge them, because grief is so unique to the person. Whatever makes you heal, as far as I’m concerned.
Oh no, I was worried this would happen. I had a (much less serious) placenta condition when I was pregnant and it was just horrible. There’s nothing you can do. It’s not like she did anything wrong or could have changed anything. If the placenta implants in the wrong place, there’s literally nothing you can do.
I’m so sorry for them all.
So sorry for their loss. Chrissy can be a bit much for me sometimes, but she and John seem to be very happy together, especially with their children, and I have enjoyed trying some of her recipes. She shares everything about her life so I can understand her sharing the loss of Jack. It is a difficult situation that many women have had to deal with, mostly in silence; although it can be a bit jarring for such private information to be shared publicly, it can help others to realize they are not alone or that they did nothing wrong. Unfortunately, even “healthy, normal” pregnancies can go horribly wrong for no reason and we do have to recognize that. I wish Chrissy, John and their family peace during this difficult time. My thoughts and best wishes for anyone who has experienced the loss of a child, whether a few days or a few years old.
I like Chrissy and her outspokenness, and I’m so sorry for her and her family’s loss. 😥
Bereavement photography is a thing and is often the only tangible thing that grieving parents have from their lost baby/pregnancy. I lost a baby very early on, it was just like a heavy, painful period so of course I have no photos. We hadn’t really told anyone I was pregnant so only a few people even knew. It felt like a shameful secret because what was I supposed to do? Tell people I had been pregnant just so I could tell them of the loss? I felt like it would be attention-seeking. This was 8 years ago and still even thinking about it brings tears to my eyes. It is NO ONE’S place to judge how parents deal in this situation. No one’s.
One of my friends carried her baby until just before five months. He died in utero and she had to labour to get the body out.
It was one of the saddest things I’ve ever been peripheral to. All that joy is just snuffed out and replaced with the deepest grief. That maybe if you were somehow better this never would have happened.
I’ll share a quote from Reddit by gsnow that is one of the most powerful things I’ve ever read about loss and grief:
Alright, here goes. I’m old. What that means is that I’ve survived (so far) and a lot of people I’ve known and loved did not. I’ve lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can’t imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here’s my two cents.
I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don’t want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don’t want it to “not matter”. I don’t want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can’t see.
As for grief, you’ll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you’re drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it’s some physical thing. Maybe it’s a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it’s a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.
In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don’t even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you’ll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what’s going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything…and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.
Somewhere down the line, and it’s different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O’Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you’ll come out.
Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don’t really want them to. But you learn that you’ll survive them. And other waves will come. And you’ll survive them too. If you’re lucky, you’ll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.
This is beautiful! Thank you for sharing Detritus!
For every new Mom who was going to take a photo of this heartbreaking reality, “Your “Why take the photo” comments might make her stop. Grieving is personal. Condemnation is not. Shame on you.
Yes, this!
I went through this almost a year ago. It was horrible. This morning I woke up saw these pictures and just started crying. My kids are home from school today and I am just getting myself together. Checked out Celebitchy and of course 1/2 the comments here are nasty and critical. These people ,just lost their child. It’s beyond awful to go through. I remember thinking the same thing. How am I driving home with no baby. Losing a pregnancy is losing a child. They lost their child. Please stop the criticism for at least 24 hours. This page is entertaining but there is often so much negativity in the comments. That’s all I appreciate them for normalizing this terrible experience. People in my real life didn’t even want me to talk about it. Society is weird sometimes.
I’m sorry there are so many hateful people Chrissy. So many people just don’t think their comments have impact, and they do. I’m so sorry for your loss, it takes a absolute warrior to get through that pain and survive and find joy and you sound like you’ve done that.
Christ, what a year to lose a child. I can’t imagine going through all of this political and social upheaval and deal with that kind of intense grief on top of it. I hope they have access to as much family and therapeutic support they need, the kind I would hope and think anyone could and should have dealing with something like this.
I am not somebody who personally enjoys sharing my pain in a broadly public way, but I get why other people do. When it’s put out there like this without a political or social agenda, I don’t have a problem with it. There are a lot of families out there who will have lost children this year without the platform or outlet to mourn, so perhaps seeing this would give them a sense of comfort that they aren’t alone in this kind of pain. That is part of being human to me. It’s why we are social animals and why we have survived this long as a species.
So heartbreaking but her talking about it may help many others deal with this pain. She (like many others) struggle with fertility issues and tough pregnancies. It seems like there are so few answers for so many people that deal with infertility and pregnancy struggles. I hope we start studying these issues that affect so many women and their families and get better answers and better care. Sending love to all my fellow Celebitches who are struggling With pregnancy and infant loss.
People need to stop policing how someone else is supposed to grieve. We’re all different and process grief in our own way. Stop putting so much negativity into the universe. Chrissy and John need all the love and support they can get right now. I miscarried 27 years ago and think of my lost child all the time. I wish I’d had the chance to know and love my baby.
I understand putting this out verbally( with their statement) but I feel that those are all very private photos that only family & close friends should see!
People should be allowed to grieve the way they want to. The photos were raw, traumatic and fundamentally human. Do we police women when they do pregnancy announcements? Marriage? No. Because they are happy things. But grief? Everyone is uncomfortable with it so women stay quiet and die on the inside to make everyone else feel comfortable. I’m glad she made these photos public. She is normalizing the pain and tragedy of pregnancy loss so other women know they are not alone. They don’t have to suffer in silence if they choose not to. She did everyone a favour in my opinion.
Well said @Watson 👏🏽 Completely agree.
Agree as well. I went through ppd when i had my son a couple of years. And it only now that I can talk about it since other people have been talking about it.
I can assure you that they have actual images of Jack and his face with his mother and father. These are just the ones they’re releasing, and good for them. So many, many women have had to suffer this alone or with a medical establishment that thought that taking the baby away would be better for all.
Team Chrissy forever now.
I find it extremely déclassé to comment negatively on a couple sharing one of the biggest losses a parent can face.
It’s almost as if commenters who say these things are taking the moment to show how much better they are than someone mourning.
To drag a grieving parent is a surpassingly common low it seems.
This feels like one of those photos that is going to be in Time magazine. A photo that will never be forgotten by those who’ve seen it.
I am so glad she shared this with the world. I imagine she is being inundated with messages of support and comfort. So many people thinking of her and John today. It’s remarkable.
What an Act of courage, she gave this terrible pain/grieve a face and Image for all these women who went through this alone and sometimes without support. Thank you Chrissy!
I think the photos are beautiful. And real. And humanizing. It doesn’t matter that she is a super model and her husband a singing superstar. What they are going through is as hurtful and painful an experience and none of that superficial stuff takes that away.
We lost 5 pregnancies in three years, our last a daughter at 20 weeks in the pregnancy. We had to be induced and deliver the baby. I wish I had more photos of that time because that is all you are left with.
I have lost five pregnancies, and I am currently 21 weeks pregnant. Chrissy and I were supposed to give borth around the same time. When I saw this IG post, I cried so hard. I know the pain. How dare people criticize her. How dare they. She helps a lot of women by sharing and giving an insight.
As a women with multiple pregnancy losses, I sadly had a hunch that this was coming based on the information that she gave and my own experience. Her excessive bleeding due to placenta issues (placenta abruption or other complications that cause bleeding cannot be fixed), and they could not induce her this early in order to save the baby, because she was just midway through her pregnancy. This must have been such a scary time for her family. I hope they get a lot of support during this time of grief.
I am so sorry for your losses. Xoxo
My heart goes out to Chrissy and John, and Luna and Miles…they are all grieving this huge loss. I appreciate seeing their emotions portrayed in the pictures, as it makes me feel much more deeply than reading about their experience. The pictures say EVERYTHING. So thanks to the people who find themselves able to share their experience in any way they feel comfortable…our world could use a lot more “feeling”, and a whole lot less “stifling”. Much love to anyone who has suffered a loss such as this – it seems to me that it would be one of the worst.
This is heartbreaking.
I didn’t know how common pregnancy loss and miscarriages are until I had my own early miscarriage (around 5 weeks so very early). That alone was heartbreaking, and it gave me massive anxiety during my subscription pregnancy. When that happened and I talked to friends I found out how many had their own stories of miscarriage. I found out that my gramma had a couple miscarriages. It’s definitely something that I appreciate being talked about more openly. I also understand the pictures. If this had happened to me I would want those tangible things to hold onto. Proof that this child existed.
it’s always stunning to me how there remains a culture of silence around miscarriages and stillbirths. It is so common and we need to be more open about it. John and Chrissy were very courageous to be so open about their experience and they should be commended for it. However annoying I may find her personally, this is an example of them using their platform for good. My heart goes out to them and to their kids in this time of terrible loss.
I’m so sad to hear this. I think the photos are both powerful and beautiful. They were tastefully done and definitely made me cry.
These are the only pictures they will ever have of Jack. No one can pass judgment on his parents who want to remember how hard everyone fought for him, and how strong he was in his short life.
YES. These are the only photos she will ever have of him, the last moments she carried him, the moments after he died. Her body, her grief. Every who criticizedStop judging people. We’d all be healthier if we didn’t hide and shame grief behind locked doors and whispered conversations. Honesty.
My feelings about her aside, my heart goes to her and John. I cannot imagine their pain. The cruelty some folks are showing online demonstrates the lack of empathy taught nowadays and it makes my heart grieve.
I wish them love and light.
Heartbreaking. And shame on those who try and dictate how anyone should grieve. Chrissy let everyone into her life, it feels almost like a friend lost their baby. Poor Jack. Poor family.
I really feel for her and John. I thought the photos were both heartbreaking and beautiful, and they made me cry. I had placenta Previa and bed rest for my 2nd pregnancy and it was terrifying. You literally lose liters of blood,with huge clots, and terrified that you’ll not only lose the baby, but you could die, too. That was also a fear, that I wouldn’t survive this and leave my husband and older child. I was further along and baby arrived early but healthy, but this hit hard.I’m so sad for her and how devastating this is.
I am an extremely private person who would not share in this way and I have issues with Chrissy over certain things. I only feel sympathy for her around this and sympathy and sadness was my only reaction to what they chose to share. A terrible thing to go through.
I cried this morning when I read about this. I am not a mother, I don’t know them, and I am really starting to dislike social media. However, I cried. I have not had great luck with relationships, and I missed my chance to have children… but I felt such sadness reading about their loss. Re the sharing of photos, I shared my self-portraits after my mastectomy. It was how I could say, “I am OK. I survived, and you can too.” Perhaps that is why they shared their photos. It is real, and happened, but it doesn’t have to be unspoken or hidden? This year has been so awful.
I’m so very sorry for them. What a terrible thing to go through.
I had a miscarriage between my two kids and everyone, including my husband, shrugged it off. That because I was only 10 weeks along it shouldn’t matter, but man was it heartbreaking. My heart goes out to her.
Not sure if anybody has pointed this out already but Chrissy’s pregnancy was obviously in the public eye so perhaps the decision to go public with her miscarriage was also somewhat motivated by the desire not to answer questions about what happened or “Where’s the baby?” It’s probably a nightmare to be interrogated by the paparazzi when you are so emotionally devastated.
I’ve never had a baby or a miscarriage but I imagine that it’s impossibly sad and heartbreaking to grieve for someone who slipped into your life and then slipped out of it, leaving little behind to show that he or she was ever really here. I think sharing the grief is a way to make sure people know he existed and to leave a footprint of sorts to mark his life, however short. I lost a nephew who was also my godson when he was just 21 and I think all the time about the loss and find some small comfort whenever I see evidence that he mattered to people outside of his immediate family and to know that he left a mark on the world.
I’m glad Chrissy shared. It’s brave of her to make herself vulnerable in order to help others who have experienced this type of loss feel less alone, and perhaps to help the general public understand a bit more about what miscarriage is, why it’s not something shameful, and how devastating it is.
There is no call for any criticism of what this woman shares, how she shares it, or what her motivations were for doing it the way she has.
Grief is personal. We feel the same feelings, but we express them and work to relieve them differently.
I lost a friend last week. He was a dear friend and a good man, and he died WAY too early. I have not cried. I have not left my house. I have not spoken of him to other friends or joined in the communal condolences that so many others find comforting. This is how I grieve. I sit with it. I think of the person or circumstance that I am grieving. I withdraw and work out where to put my grief and how to move forward from it. In silence and outwardly composed. Others can pass judgment on my method of grieving if they like, but it’s none of their business and it’s none of their concern.
Weeping with abandon. Journaling. Counseling. Group therapy. Talking it out with friends and family. Creating art. Becoming an activist. Public disclosure. Individual withdrawing and contemplation.
All of these are manifestations of grief, and all of them are perfectly “normal” and human.
What Ms. Teigan has done is to grieve HER way. She shared it. She gave it out for anyone who wanted to see and share. She released it to the general public and invited others into it. She shared images of her grief. She shared details of her grief. That is HER right and HER process.
If you do not wish to share it with her, then don’t. Don’t click on it. Don’t look at it. That’s your decision to make. But don’t you DARE pass moral judgment on her for grieving her own way. It doesn’t have to look like yours or make you comfortable to be legitimate.