Jennifer Lopez: ‘One of my biggest fears growing up was being alone’

Besides performing at the inauguration, Jennifer Lopez has been on a cringe-worthy moments tour the last week. Today, Jennifer launched the, “My Love Don’t Cost a Thing” challenge with this awkward post on Twitter and Instagram to commemorate the 20th anniversary of the song. JLo is also known for her very high profile (read very public) relationships and subsequent breakups and divorces. Who can forget when she married her back-up dancer Chris Judd? Or her extremely papped relationship with Ben Affleck? Or that blip of a situationship with Drake (did that relationship really happen) or when she dated that other backup dancer? Jennifer rarely lets the ink dries on the divorce papers or the headlines before she is in yet another relationship. I have always wondered why Jennifer spent the bulk of her life relationship hopping and she answers the question on the Youtube series Coach Conversations. Coach Conversations is a monthly series produced by accessories brand Coach. Jennifer is in the debut episode of the show where she talks about learning how to love herself, being ok with being alone, and observing her self talk. Below are a few excerpts from the episode via People. She spoke with author and purpose coach Jay Shetty.

The host noted that people don’t have classes for the heart or emotions as children, and Lopez said, “They should have a whole school for that.”

“I always say, why don’t they teach kids from a very young age to love themselves. Or a course, or something!” the mom to twins Maximillian and Emme, 12, added.

“I remember when I was going through therapy, in the beginning, kind of in my late 30s, and there was a lot of talk about loving yourself,” Lopez recalled.

The singer continued, “And I was like, ‘I love myself.’ But obviously, I was doing all these things like my personal relationships didn’t seem like I was loving myself.”

Lopez was previously married to Ojani Noa, Cris Judd and Marc Anthony, with whom she shares Maximillian and Emme. She also had several high-profile relationships with Diddy, Ben Affleck and more before she got engaged to Alex Rodriguez.

“I didn’t even understand the concept of [self-love],” she admitted. “It took time and it’s a journey and it’s still a journey for me.”

“And the most important thing is you have to listen to yourself, and the words that you tell yourself,” Lopez said. “What you say and what you think — and I tell this to my kids all the time — becomes your reality.”

“One of my biggest fears growing up was being alone,” she admitted. “I did get into relationships, sometimes the wrong ones for the wrong reasons because I didn’t like being alone.”

Lopez continued, “Now that [fear] is gone, and I’m okay on my own. That was a big journey for me.”

[From People]

Jenny from the Block is peak Leo energy. She is rabid about her image and being alone to her (like most Leos I know) is like being marooned on a deserted island away from her throng of fawning fans. I mean how else would she know that she is loved? I am glad that JenJen has gotten clarity around her fear of being alone because many of the men that she dated and married were not it. As much as I personally don’t like JLo because she is problematic AF, I always felt like she was settling in her relationships. I like how she said that there should be a course that teaches children to love themselves. I truly believe in this. I’ve come to discover most of our negative self talk is implanted in us when we are children by adults who are also wounded. I think healing our familial trauma must start if possible before bringing children into this world. At least we should try to heal our wounds while we are raising our children (not me I didn’t won’t children, I had a lot of sh*t to unpack) so that we don’t pass our wounds on to them. Whatever the case, it seems that Jenny’s children are quite grounded (and talented) and I am sure it is because of the personal work that JLo has put in over the years. I am also sure that by having a good relationship with Marc Anthony, JLo is leading by example and creating a stable environment for her children. I also like how JLo said that this year she hopes to empower and inspire people with her performances.

I’m glad Jenny from the Block is learning to love herself and being ok with being alone (it’s easy to say this when you have been booed-up for four years). Hopefully, her relationship with A-Rod works out so she won’t have to actually put that declaration to the test. I personally don’t want to see Jenny struggling to NOT be in a relationship if she and A-Rod were to breakup.

Here is the full interview:

There’s also this:

Photos via Instagram and credit:

You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.

29 Responses to “Jennifer Lopez: ‘One of my biggest fears growing up was being alone’”

Comments are Closed

We close comments on older posts to fight comment spam.

  1. Rapunzel says:

    What the what? JLo is unrecognizable in that header pic on the beach.

  2. Nini says:

    One thing I’ve noticed is despite her constant boasting of how young she looks and how we should all buy her skincare, EVERY photo of her that she has approval of is photoshopped to the Nth degree, AND every time she is on video, it’s a soft blurred focus.

    It was interesting to see how her skin actually looked at the inauguration, where she looked good, she looked her age, and she did NOT look like the photoshopped pics and blurred videos.

    And the blind item, is it her and Affleck? I feel like I’ve heard it before.

    • kimberlu says:

      yes! she did look her age and it was a nice representation of her age. Indont think anyone is surprised that she can’t be alone? She has always been a bit desperate beneath the surface. Not a dig, it’s common for codependency to occur in people…and explains her need to be seen as lovable…

    • whatWHAT? says:

      that blind is not her…it says “former HUSBAND”. they were engaged, not married.

      and YES YES YES to her pics. if you see high-res pap pics and zoom in, you can see that her skin is not as flawless as her insta pics and videos.

      I mean, she still looks better than almost every 50 year old *I* know, but yeah, she and her skin do NOT look 25.

      • AMA1977 says:

        They just got that one fact wrong, this “blind” has been circulating for years and was revealed to be J. Lo/Ben Affleck. She also has a reputation for being cheap/a poor tipper with service people in general, so I kind of tend to believe it.

        And WRT to the subject of this interview, girl, we all knew that. She still can’t stand to be by herself, and that’s sad to be. You have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else, and the way she jumps from relationship to relationship tells me she’s not there yet.

      • Rapunzel says:

        Whatwhat?- if you click on that tweet, the writer corrects himself and says they were engaged, not married. It is JLo and Affleck.

      • whatWHAT? says:

        thanks for the info, ladies. wow, what a cheap b*tch.

        (I did NOT click on the link so I didn’t see that.)

  3. Case says:

    Can’t relate. I love being alone, lol.

    • Myra says:


    • AMA1977 says:

      OMG, me too. It’s my favorite thing. :’-) I’ll be married 16 years this year, and I love him dearly and have happily built a wonderful life and family that I would not trade or change. However, if something ever happened to my husband, I think I’d be just fine focusing on work and my kids, then being by myself in the evenings. I’ve had my great love, I can’t see trying to match or top it.

    • lucy2 says:

      Me too!

    • Charfromdarock says:


      I’m the extreme opposite in that I rarely like to not be alone.

  4. AnnaKist says:

    It’s not as if we needed her to tell us she feared being alone. Has she ever been alone as an adult? She should smile a whole lot more. It suits her.

    • Mee yo says:

      @ANNAKIST that’s what I was thinking, she’s never been alone!!! Single maybe a few months before ARod and that’s a maybe, she could’ve had someone and it wasn’t public. Her and Halle same damn self esteem issue. Halle’s longest stretch ever as a single adult was 2 years in 30+ years of adulthood. That’s so sad to me. Means you literally don’t like your own company, can’t entertain yourself. Kids get their self esteem from their parents.

    • lucy2 says:

      I know several people like her, the minute one relationship ends they are desperate to get into another, then wonder why that one is bad, and never take any time to just be on their own and figure out who they are alone and what they want in a partner.

  5. Meg says:

    I remember jlo saying she had a hard time being alone for some time, not just a boyfriend but literally alone at any time like needing an assistant with her, etc.
    Hasn’t it come out that Britney sleeps with her assistant to avoid being alone?

  6. Lilah casting says:

    Wait i thought she didn’t like service or worker people to look at her in the eyes, so the only time she would look at them in when she was snatching money away from them.
    Taking money from someone that probably really needs it just seems evil.

  7. Jenn says:

    This actually made me curious what her Venus sign is — since that’s the house that supposedly dictates how you love — so I plugged JLo’s deets into a natal chart calculator. Venus in Gemini: “In love, their tastes change often.” (“Seeks variety”; “always looking for something new and exciting.”) She also has a Scorpio Moon, which can be suggestive of a lot of emotional need (“Moon in Scorpio people often have a strong fear of betrayal. They seek out commitment, and feel the need for a partner to give up something for them”).

    • Oya says:

      alladis. I saw her chart once and was like…ooh chilllddd

    • Anna says:

      Ugh…I have Venus in Gemin and Scorpio Moon but perhaps my other signs balance it out because I love being alone. (Partly personality, partly from past experiences where now I refused to settle for b.s.) So much so that I worry I won’t be able to find a partner–which I really do want–because of being alone so long, especially as a woman in middle-age…

  8. Winnie Cooper’s Mom says:

    It’s frustrating that a woman who is clearly such a powerhouse in so many areas of her life can also be so insecure underneath it all. Like girl, you are freaking JLo!! She has it all.

    Over the years of keeping up with female pop stars, reading articles about them, watching their documentaries, they really seem to struggle a lot behind the scenes. JLo, Brittney, Jessica Simpson, Amy Winehouse, Adele, Katy Perry, Taylor etc etc.. I image that the pressure to always appear “perfect” must be very damaging internally. It’s really sad bc so many people dream of living that life, but when you take a closer look, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. If you don’t love yourself first, you have nothing. Money nor fame can buy you that.

  9. Original Jenns says:

    Oya, I love what you said about, basically, inherited trauma and how raising our future generations we need to truly heal in order to allow them to be whole. The Body Keeps the Score is an excellent book on this. I’m also looking forward to reading It Didn’t Start With You.

    And that’s al I have to say about J-Lo.

  10. Annaloo. says:

    Um, she is JLo. The initials of her kids’ first names spell out “ME”. Not loving herself? I don’t buy it, that woman is 100% pure alpha. So is her sister, Lynda. What level of self-absorbed unbearability did we boot her to now?

  11. Marigold says:

    I cannot stand people who don’t tip or treat people poorly. That makes me not like her.

    I don’t understand the need to be with people. I love to be alone. But I give her no shade on that. People are different.

  12. elle says:

    She’s starting to look like Pamela Anderson, several Pamela Andersons ago. It’s like they all end up getting run through the Play-Doh factory and blooped out with the same eyes, nose, lips, etc. Then they start to melt…

  13. Jules says:

    I have a different take on that blind. Perhaps, Ben’s addictions were spiraling even then…as we say nowadays maybe he was getting too ‘lit’ and spending like crazy. I have a friend who says that about her boyfriend when they would club and how she had to watch him so that he wouldn’t overspend as the night went on. She’s a hard nosed business women and she probably is a little bit more frugal than him.

    What if this is one example of Ben’s addictions and Jenn was ‘babysitting him’? Then on top of all the things he complained about he started to rebel against what he saw as smothering or control? Servers but also enablers liked his loose goosy ways and it just contributed to her diva rep, fair or not?

  14. J ferber says:

    She looks like Malibu Barbie. What has she done?