Jon Hamm, 51, is engaged to Anna Osceola, 34, after ‘two years of dating’

In 2015, Jon Hamm’s life fell apart. An old criminal investigation and prosecution from his college days came to light, and it turns out he was the ringleader of violent fraternity hazing assaults when he was in Texas. That all came to light in 2015. Then Mad Men ended, then Hamm went into rehab, and then he and Jennifer Westfeldt were done after eighteen years together, longer than most marriages and what was (in essence) a common-law marriage. In recent years, Hamm has been with Anna Osceola, who is 34. Hamm is 51. Now they’re engaged:

Jon Hamm and Anna Osceola are engaged! The Confess, Fletch costars are set to wed after two years of dating, PEOPLE confirms. The pair first reportedly met on the set of the AMC series Mad Men in 2015, before being spotted together on several occasions and romantically linked in 2020. Hamm’s rep has not commented.

Osceola, 34, appeared in the series’ final episode, where she had a small role playing the receptionist at Esalen, a spiritual California retreat that Hamm’s character (Don Draper) attended. At the time, Hamm, 51, was in a long-term relationship with Jennifer Westfeldt. The couple split months later after 18 years together.

Hamm and Osceola, who both keep off social media, were photographed together once in 2017; romance rumors took off in 2020 when they were seen out multiple times. Since then, they’ve been spotted stepping out for meals, playing tennis and enjoying a day at the beach. They also took a vacation to Italy together in September 2021.

[From People]

How are we calling this “two years of dating” when they’ve likely been together since 2017? The math isn’t mathing. As for this engagement… one of the biggest mysteries (for me) of Hamm’s relationship with Westfeldt was why they never married and which one of them was reticent. We heard different things over the years, that Hamm was up for it and she wasn’t, or vice versa. I don’t know. After nearly two decades in a long-time partnership, it must be hard to watch your ex propose to his next serious girlfriend. Sigh… in any case, congrats to Hamm and Anna Osceola.

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, Backgrid.

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89 Responses to “Jon Hamm, 51, is engaged to Anna Osceola, 34, after ‘two years of dating’”

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  1. Mcmmom says:

    She’s a rather young looking 34.

    I had forgotten about the hazing incident. I couldn’t read the whole account – what a terrible thing to do to another person.

  2. hmmp says:

    I’m so sick and done with these massively older men wifing up far far younger women (and side eyeing the women who go along with it tbh – they don’t think of all the wonderful 51 year old women that he probably would never look at and who are discarded because this has been normalized). It just makes me genuinely mad, and perpetuates the idea that women past a certain age are somehow less valuable or have less of a place. She looks like she could be his child.

    • Emmi says:

      Okay but it’s really not the younger women’s fault, they don’t “owe” anyone over 40 or 50 to stick to their own age group just so that the rest of us can keep dating? I’m almost 39 and frankly, it’s an age where you don’t want to date your own age. I’m single, no kids. Any guy my age is either divorced (with kids most likely – hell no) or “still” single. For a reason. I’m single for a reason as well. LOL So who do I date? Younger? Eh. If I date older, that’s pushing 60 because those 50-year-olds are going for 30 at most. It’s a shitshow but I’m not about to blame a younger woman. I mean, have at it, see what happens. Also, I’m not interested in dating right now. Seems unnecessary.

      • hmmp says:

        I’m 33, almost 34, and all I want is to date someone my own age. I’m single because my 8 year relationship ended. Men my age have it far easier. You’re absolutely right, it’s not about (and shouldn’t be) about blaming younger women. Rather it is just another upsetting and unfair consequence of sexism.

      • Emmi says:

        Men your age DO have it easier, I absolutely agree. Men my age do as well. But I also think that our 30s are such a great time and if we concentrate too hard on dating, we miss out on all the great stuff. I’m by no means a relationship expert and I guess it’s a lot easier when you’re just not that interested in dating and certainly don’t want kids. But you’re young. And there ARE dudes in their early 30s (or late 20s) who date their own age. Because those are the years they all look to settle down. Do you have friends who could set you up? You know, just casually invite the single guys to a birthday party etc.? Dinner?

      • Ameerah M says:

        MOST men date women their own age. It’s really only celebs and rich old white dudes who do not.

      • hmmp says:

        Thanks Emmi for the kind comment! And Ameerah, I wish that were so, but it isn’t from what I have seen. I think the issue has been exacerbated enormously by dating apps, because it is the number one way for people to meet people these days, and as a female >30 the algorithms are very much against you (my experience of who will talk to me in dating apps vs in a room is enormously different, because in a room they don’t immediately know my age). I’ll be curious to see an analysis in a few years of whether the apps have made this problem worse and whether there will be a resulting shift in the demographics of single vs married people by sex.

      • Emmi says:

        I have never used an app but I absolutely believe you. If their algorithms are similar to social media algorithms, that must be a total shitshow. I read an article recently that said we should try to trick the algorithm by simply swiping …. the right way I guess? … on people we wouldn’t be interested in on paper. And do you have to enter your age?

        I think apps have turned dating into just another way to consume and us into product. The idea is great but of course we‘ve gone off the rails.

      • C says:

        I think the app also matters, I’m not single but I am also in my early 30’s, DON’T USE TINDER. Lol.

      • Kitten says:

        44 here with a 36 year old husband. We met on Tinder when I was 38 and fresh out of a long-term relationship. This advice probably sounds trite AF but I kinda agree with Emmi that it’s best to not put too much effort into the dating apps and focus on all the other amazing aspects of life in your thirties. It’s usually when you’re not looking that the right guy comes around. And that’s not at ALL to downplay the misery of dating in your thirties but I do consider my husb to be my soulmate and I honestly don’t think we would have matched so well if we had met when I was 35 and he was 27, ya know? Just to say that timing is so important and sometimes we don’t find that perfect synergy with another person until we get older.

      • Peaches says:

        I agree with Emmi and kitten. I’m the most liberal person I know but I’m a Christian and practice my faith, but I also I don’t have children. The pool for me is emptyyyyy. Most Christian men are conservatives, most men in general want to have kids. I feel like I’m pursuing a bit of a unicorn. A liberal, emotionally intelligent, Christian man who doesn’t wanna have kids. So although I still scroll thru the apps, I’m focusing on everything else in my life. I went back to school, graduated with my masters. Went back to therapy, going out with friends. My career is flourishing. I got more money saved in the last year than I had in my entire life, and I’m making moves to buy a house or condo. It really doesn’t fully alleviate some of the sporadic yet normal loneliness you feel as a single woman, but it really makes a world of difference.

    • Turtledove says:

      I absolutely hear you, but I don’t think it is on her.
      My marriage is currently ending bc my 50 year old husband found a 35 year old and they are in love. (Ain’t love grand?) I don’t think I will be interested in dating ever. I have been so royally screwed over and have miles to go before this is even settled. But even if I wanted to date, who is 50 year old me going to date? If the 50 year old men are looking for 35 and even younger, am I supposed to go date a 70 year old man? It’s CRAZY. At least with celebs, these men are stars with looks, $, clout and connections. Why average 35 year olds interested in 50 year old married men? It’s not even that I think a 15 year age gap of 35/50 is such a big deal. It’s more that it seems like at 50, men can still date, no problem, and can opt for much younger women. But us dusty and decrepit 50 year olds better go find someone old enough to be our dad. Or die alone. (In fairness, dying alone doesn’t sound that bad)

      • hmmp says:

        Turtledove I’m so sorry. You’re right, it isn’t on her, and what you are describing is exactly what Im talking about. I think what I meant (but didn’t say well), is that both sides will have to work on and change their behavior to make things more fair because we all have internalized sexism (although it’s certainly a million times more on the men).

      • hmmp says:

        I think what I mean more but did not articulate well, is that I don’t trust men to change this problem on their own, and we need to take away their supply 😂`

      • 2lazy4username says:

        Turtledove, my 30-year relationships (21 of those married) ended almost 5 years ago when I was 50. I started dating a year after my divorce, and I had zero issue finding quality men who wanted to date women my age, including some a bit younger. I had a total blast and, in the process and quite unexpectedly, met the amazing man I’ve now been with for 2.5 years. He’s my age and was only interested in women of the same age. When you’re ready, a man who is interested in your body, your brain, and your life experiences will make his way into your life if you allow it. Hugs to you!

      • hmmp says:

        @2lazy4username thank you so much for sharing your story. It gives me hope (which I sorely need).

      • B says:

        Turtledove – maybe he wanted the much younger woman because he can pull his garbage on her more easily? Yuck.
        Some good therapy might help speed your decompression out of such a miserable and unhealthy experience.
        The universe has better things in store for you than this.

      • BothSidesNow says:

        @ Turtledove, my heart goes out to you. As divorce is such an emotional and painful process. I do hope that you find peace.

        Until then, I am sending you virtual hugs and excellent juju your way!! 🤗🤗🤗🤗

    • Kirsten says:

      She’s 34 and that is pretty firmly an adult who is capable of making her own decisions. He may also still want to have children, and that’s not possible (or incredibly rare/risky) for someone who’s in her 50s. He also was with JW for two decades, and she was his age, so it’s not like he’s running around dating 19 year olds. This is fine.

      • Lolo86lf says:

        It is getting a bit tired that women are the only ones who can have an atypical child when they reach their 40’s and 50’s. Men in their 50’s also are at risk at producing children with developmental conditions. It is ideal for people to have their children when they are their 20’s and 30’s.

      • Fabiola says:

        34 is not young. She’s not a young kid out of school. She’s a full grown adult woman engaged to an adult man. He says he wants marriage and children and in the past he did not want so getting engaged to a 34 year old versus a 50 year old makes sense.

  3. Moderatelywealthy says:

    They were very private back then, so it is hard to speculate what went wrong- if something even did.
    People often get married because of family pressure. Their respective families sound much like to be oposites. If , lets say, they were both jewish or both christian, then I could see they giving in and confirning. Since they came from different upbringings, maybe their families were not as enthused about the whole thing and without the pressure…they felt they had agood thing and did not want to spoil it by changing it just to have a paper saing they loved each other.

    • KInChicago says:

      I don’t know Hamm or his fiancée, wishing them well.

      In my 40s with a man 10 years my senior.
      Blunt experience, When I was in my 20’s- male peers wanted cheap dive bars and to sit on a futon all weekend to play video games- not for me. Glad those that enjoy that are happy but I dated older because I felt like I was not expected to be a nanny, mother, maid, waitress to a slob which frankly, still not interested in.
      I can see where she too might want to bypass that as well. Hope they are happy.

  4. Pointillist says:

    Hamm apparently did a lot of therapy and linked losing the trauma of his mother at 10 years old to being emotionally unavailable etc.

    She looks really young.

  5. Roo says:

    I hope Jennifer has been thriving and growing, and that this event was just a blip on her radar. She’s talented and beautiful, and I hope she’s been looking ahead, not backwards.

  6. ELX says:

    You can never really know about someone else’s relationships—he was sliding into the bottle for a lot of those 18 years. Also, who you are at 25 with your life in front of you is really different from who you are at 50 when you have to start to thinking about being old.

  7. sunnygal says:

    But…what about Flo???

    Cheers to them!

  8. SAS says:

    Ugh, Jennifer Westfeldt seems like a sweetheart and is so charismatic in the couple of things I’ve seen her in. Very shady little tidbit that they met on Mad Men.

    Look, it passes the “half your age plus seven” test. I’m 35 and generally not interested guys 15 years older than me but I probably would make an exception for a sexy 50s guy. Not Jon Hamm though.

  9. Jackiejacks says:

    I always got a bit of a solo / independent vibe from Jennifer Westfield. Maybe SHE didn’t want to commit to HIM? Maybe marriage as an institution didn’t appeal to her? So easy to get into but at the same time a PITA to get out of especially when a lot of money is concerned. Nothing about this engagement bothers me or surprises me TBH. Older dude marrying younger woman is a tale as old as time. I’m more surprised by relationships closer in age in Hollywood ala Keanu and the lady he’s shacked up with. But I was surprised when I learned about John Hamms criminal charge in college – totally changed my perception of him and then after that I stopped thinking too highly of celebrities or assigning portions of personalities of their characters to them personally.

    • oh_dear says:

      He is an alcoholic who has had relapses, it makes sense to me that she would not want marriage but loved him enough for a relationship. Their relationship occurred when both were not recognizable level famous and the increased visibility of their careers may have put pressure on them they did not want. Jon has been more visible in public that Jennifer so perhaps they went in different directions due to that aspect.

      I also think that an 18 year relationship that ends is a success not a failure. Neither have said anything negative about the other. They both developed and had success together so one wasn’t holding the other back.

      And as for the criminal behaviour – no, not everyone who has lost their parents at a young age does violent behaviour but some do. He had no support system – his mom died, his step mom died then his dad died all before he was 20. If young people have a good network and resources they can navigate their journey through grief and anger. Not everyone does. It was inexcusable. And I think Jon’s behaviour demonstrates how important it is for people to have healthy mentor relationships young in their lives, especially if they have endured tragic loses – much like Harry has been sharing.

  10. North of Boston says:

    On one hand I’m kind of whatever about this. Or at least I was until I got to the “they met on the set of Mad Men where she had a bit part” info. Even though she was mid-late 20s at the time, so no kid, the power imbalance and age difference at that point, with him supposedly still in his LT relationship followed by them winding up dating … just seem like typical male mid-life chasing youth to me.

    He’s a tricky one for me – on one hand he comes off as charming, funny, not taking himself too seriously so someone I’d normally be on board with. But on the other hand there is something about him, some sense that on some level he’s a real SOB or a bit wobbly in the “be a decent human being” column, even leaving aside the horrible hazing stuff in his 20s.

    At the end of the day, I wish them well and wish Jennifer well too.

  11. TwinFalls says:

    No doubt they are trying for kids. He and Chris Evans can shop for pre-schools together in a couple of years.

  12. Leng says:

    Two years? That’s funny. I think they kept their relationship very under wraps in the beginning (I’ll give him them benefit of doubt and say it was 2017 which is six years right there not two. And could be eight if it started when they met on set.) At that time he and JW were by gossip accounts very very shaky. He’s one of those talented men who is a real mess and probably will always kinda be a mess. More so at times less so at times. Good luck to the new lady. She probably wants kids now so that’s why the marriage.

  13. Aly says:

    Everytime I look at him I’m reminded of that hazing accident. He seems like an awful person.

    Few years ago he was linked to Annabelle Wallis before she stepped out with the 3rd best Chris – Chris Pine. That time dating report sent out by Pine’s PR team said the Annabelle was casually seeing someone before he “wooed her away from that guy by giving her plenty of attention.” Chris Pine always gives me so much second hand embarrassment LOL like impressing some fame chaser is something to brag about. I still wonder if Hamm was the guy that Annabelle dumped for Chris.

    • Frippery says:

      Interesting. Maybe they met and dated off and on, and he saw other people, but it has “stuck” for the past two years, so that’s where they get that number.

      • Frippery says:

        “They” being Hamm and Her-Hamm, not Hamm and Wallis.

        And wait, Chris Pine is now THIRD? Who is the best Chris? What did I miss?

      • Kirsten says:

        Usually it’s Chris Evans, Chris Hemsworth, Chris Pine, and then Chris Pratt. Although I’ve never heard a bad thing about Hemsworth — he’s genuinely lovely — so I feel like he and Evans could be tied for first?

      • TwinFalls says:

        Chris Pine is the best Chris. Anything that says otherwise is fake news.

      • Frippery says:

        I thought it went Pine / Evans / Hemsworth / Pratt, with Messina sometimes getting honorary mention near the top.

      • Aly says:

        Chris Pine has always been a mess he is just irrelevant on SM that’s why no pays attention to his mess.

        For example, he was chasing after a 20 year old named Samira Mighty back in 2016 after he spotted her at a party. He was texting her for a year despite her seeming uninterested in him. That girl appeared on Love Island and spilled all the tea. Pine’s PR team ensured that none of it was picked up by American tabloids so if you look up their names, you’ll only find articles detailing the whole thing by UK tabloids. Pine is sleazy like rest of em’ in Hollywood, he just hides it behind his book loving, averse to fame feminist image.

      • TwinFalls says:

        Picking a CIS white male as the best anything is a gamble these days.

  14. Lady Baden-Baden says:

    John Hamm’s daughter is so pretty!

  15. HeyKay says:

    That hazing news turned me off Hamm completely.

  16. Lynn says:

    I got the strong impression from some of JW comments around the time of their breakup that it was her idea. She had seen him through many crisis including several rehabs and had just had enough. She always stated nice things about him but without any sense of regret or longing to reconnect. She packed up and moved back to New York and seems content with her choices. I doubt she’s feeling any type of jealousy and is glad to be out and about on her own terms.

    • Lorelei says:

      @Lynn, I hope that’s the case. I admit that Jennifer was the first thing that came to mind after I saw the news of this engagement—sort of an “Ooof” — it must be hard to hear no matter what, given their history.

      I was a fan of hers before Mad Men existed because she wrote and starred in Kissing Jessica Stein, an absolutely hilarious movie from the early 2000’s; I totally recommend it if anyone here hasn’t seen it. It’s very underrated, imo. Then when Mad Men debuted and I immediately fell for Don Draper (I KNOW), I freaked out with excitement that Jennifer was his girlfriend, because she was so cute, funny, talented, and likable. Since then she’s also had a recurring role on Younger, with Sutton Foster, and I’m not sure what else she’s working on.

      Like Kaiser, I will always wonder what actually happened with Jon and Jessica, but hopefully he will continue to keep it private. And hopefully she’s found happiness with someone else.

      • elle says:

        Wasn’t he the love interest in Kissing Jessica Stein?

      • Jaded says:

        @elle – he had a sort of bit part in the movie, he’d been living with Jessica for a while trying to “make it” in movies and she pretty much supported him for years and gave him his first big break.

  17. Anne says:

    She’s 34. I really don’t care what age he is. If he was 74, that’s her choice. So many people who are ‘whatever’ about virtually every aspect of relationships have a weirdly judgemental attitude towards an age difference, which in this case is not particularly wide.

    • Kate says:


    • Big B says:

      she is 34 NOW but in 2015 when she met him she was a struggling unknown actress (which she still is) and her age was 26, still an adult but the power imbalance was and still is very much an issue: he was the big star of the show where she had a very small role…and what a coincidence shortly after he and his longtime gf broke up. I could be wrong buuut…we all gossip loving bishes know I’m probably not! Some overlapping has to have happened there. Also I don’t side eye the age gap between full grown up adults which means if one of them is under 25 and the older one is more powerful, wealthier, famous and connected, well, I think there is a problem there, even when the younger one is fully aware and willing to take advantage of those perks. They both use each other, but it should be up to the older powerful part to know better

      • Ameerah M says:

        He was dating Annabelle Wallis after he split with Jennifer. Annabelle left him for Chris Pine. So even with this timeline – they didn’t start dating until around 2017. When she was STILL an adult.

      • Anne says:

        And yet when Madonna – massively rich, massively famous – in her 50s dated guys in their twenties, the consensus was ‘you go girl!’.

      • Big B says:

        if he dated Annabelle Wallis in 2017 is irrelevant: I stand by my suspicion that he and Anna Osceola could have hooked up in 2015 when they met on Mad Men. I mean, his relationship with Jennifer was shaky already and will tons of rumors of infidelity from his part, so I don’t think is crazy to think he could have hooked up with Anna AND then moved on to Annabelle and who knows who else. Anna seems to have been playing the long game and probably put up with a lot of him keeping her on the DL before he even started to think of her as a girlfriend. Just look how long it took him to go public with her.

      • Ameerah M says:

        Okay. That literally has no bearing on reality.

      • Big B says:

        @anne not from me! I strongly side eye equally men and women of power, fame and money who date people under 25 who are the “lesser” part of the couple so to speak. So is a no from me to the likes of Sam Johnson and Madonna but a “whatever rocks your boat” to the likes of Cher for example, if is true she’s enjoying whatever that 36 year old guy offers. Just keep an eye on your wallet Cher LOL

  18. Big B says:

    He’s been caught on tape not long ago completely drunk and unable to even walk straight in the company of this girl, other women and hear hear… Casey Affleck. …the company you keep….They were all drunk, high or both, going to clubs surrounded by women like they were 20 year olds frat boys. And that’s not the only time he was caught on tape drunk in the recent years and months, in other footage he was again completely drunk unable to open the gate of his own house in the company of a blonde woman…So I’m not sure how sober he is or how much of an enabler she is. Also I strongly side eye the fact that in 2015 she had a small role in Mad Men and shortly after oops he and Jennifer broke up. I think some overlap has happened there, on top of all his other booze issues. Mazel tov anyway, and good luck to the girl, she will need it, because the horrible way he treated Jennifer after 18 years together can’t be just a one timer.

  19. kgeo says:

    I just love her dress in the last picture.

  20. sara says:

    Congrats to them.Jon has been seen not exactly clean with Casey at at pre Grammy after party so I hope he is okay

  21. tealily says:

    No doubt I would feel a certain kind of way about this if I was Jennifer Westfeldt, but as you say, we don’t really know why they never married or who didn’t want to marry. I hope he’s done a lot of growing since his college days, but I can’t imagine being someone capable of what he did and ever truly being able to reconcile that with being a decent person.

  22. JustMe says:

    Didn’t he have a fling with the producer from SNL that Affleck had a fling with??

    • Lorelei says:

      @JustMe, I’d completely forgotten about that, but I think you’re right! Lindsay Shookus, right? I don’t have a great memory but as soon as I read your comment, it did sound familiar. It’s probably in the archives here someplace.

  23. HeyKay says:

    Hamm strikes me as a lot of work.
    Good Luck lady, he is no prize IMO.
    So, engaged and soon to have a baby, I suppose.
    In 5 years or less, she’ll be divorced and he’ll be 55+ with a toddler he sees on visitation schedule.
    Seems pretty predictable.

    See also Marc Anthony and his latest child bride.
    This story is gonna write itself, again.

    • Lorelei says:

      @HeyKay, “a lot of work” sounds like the perfect description of him. Who knows where this relationship will go, but it does seem like he’s the type to always be sucking up all of the oxygen in the room, very needy. Good luck to her, I guess.

    • C says:

      Yeah, I mean….
      It IS textbook that these dudes go for women 15-20 years younger than them, but it’s also textbook that these younger women often dump their older partners when they become liabilities. They don’t want to become caretakers – or, having to oversee caretakers – which depending on the age gap is bound to happen with a great deal of these couples.

  24. j.ferber says:

    He dumped his ex of many years who financially supported him before he made it. Now this. Why are most guys such schmucks? Not all, mind you, but way more than you’d like.

    • Emily_C says:

      Most guys are not schmucks. Most rich guys are schmucks, and most male celebrities are schmucks. These are not normal people. John Hamm is particularly awful — most guys also do not have a history of setting others on fire.

  25. AnneL says:

    Even if they met when she was 25-26, she was an adult. He does seem like a total Man Child, so maybe she’s more mature than he is, or at least more together. He’s rich, good-looking, and from what I’ve seen quite funny, so I guess that’s enough for her to offset dealing with his addiction issues. That’s her decision. I’m not going to judge the age difference in this case.

    As for the hazing incident, yes, it was awful. I am not excusing it, but there do seem to have been reasons for it. Losing your parents and a step-parent before the age of 20 is a lot of grief and trauma to process, especially if you don’t have the help you need. It seems like he handled it badly and hurt someone else in the process. I hope he deeply, sincerely regrets what he did.

    You also have to take his environment into consideration. My husband was in a fraternity at UT Austin just a few years before Hamm was in school there. Hazing was part of the culture. He didn’t recount anything as bad as what Hamm did, but the older brothers would definitely abuse the pledges. My husband still has what his “Big Brother” gave him during his time as a pledge: a paddle with his name on it. Yes, they would hit them with the paddles. It was partly performative but not entirely. It was permitted and not at all out of the norm.

    Fraternities are like cults that often breed bad behavior. Not all of them, and probably less so now than they were, but still. You take a young man with a lot of unprocessed pain and confusion and put him in that environment, and bad stuff can happen. Again, I am not excusing it. I’m just saying it doesn’t make him an unredeemable person.

    • C says:

      This is really minimizing what happened. What he and others did was so violent that their fraternity chapter was actually closed and they were charged. Hitting someone with a paddle is so, so different to setting someone on fire and dragging them around by the genitals with a claw hammer. Losing family members doesn’t make you do that, unless you are a psychopath.

      He’s also never admitted what really happened and has never expressed remorse. His continuing closeness to Casey Affleck is concerning too.
      He is a very charismatic talented person, but he has major issues.

      • Onomo says:

        Wow I didn’t realize that was what happened. I wonder sometimes about judging a person by the worst thing they have ever done, and what would be justice and accountability. Should John Hamm have to experience the same? Is it jail? Money? It seems too easy to just make an apology and for the other person to give forgiveness for something that horrible.

        I saw a tweet that encompasses how I feel about this – “Men will cry to you about their worst traumas, and it’s about how they abused someone.”

        That has unfortunately been my experience, and I had /have empathy but also – this is why masculinity needs to change. Notallmen and yes women abuse too, which is why our culture needs to stop telling anyone it’s ever ok to ever try to control /coerce /manipulate others.

  26. Skye says:

    My thoughts on this is that you see these Hollywood folks making the same relationship mistakes over and over whether it’s an age difference, uneven power dynamic, mid life crises, …etc. –it’s all about taking these important life steps (marriage and babies) based on a superficial and dehumanizing commodification rather than love and respect. This can be the case just as much for the younger partner as the older one. I’m not interested in judging the individuals (maybe these two aren’t commodifying each other and have a genuine connection for all I know), but like others on here, this commodification is problematic both for those in celebrity culture as it is in our own cultures. These Hollywood figures are huge parts of what promotes and normalizes this culture of commodification (why it’s so disappointing when you think someone like Chris Evans is deeper than that but then his choices indicate he likely isn’t). Women are often those most impacted, since our bodies become the objects being commodified. It’s so refreshing to see this story abut Alan Alda and his wife When you see a man who was so charming and good looking and could have “scored” in the Hollywood commodification game, showing everyone how satisfying and enriching it is to choose a partner based on mutual love and respect; ultimately the DiCaprios, Madonnas (and maybe Hamm?) of the world end up losing out because they don’t choose the partners who will enrich their lives and help them grow as people and possibly heal from those childhood traumas, but instead end up using relationships as ways of obtaining treasured objects that they think will make them experience a sense of self worth and value that they’re missing.

  27. j.ferber says:

    Thanks, Emily C. I didn’t know about the setting on fire part, but you helped put things into perspective.

  28. HeyKay says:

    As I said earlier, that hazing news shut down any interest in Hamm.

    Hamm is being dragged on a bit over his engagement news.

    I’d bet $5 they were involved much earlier than they admit to, he was The Star of the hit show, good looking, wealthy, older, all the power on his side, she was younger, pretty, unknown, at the beginning of her career.
    I predict if they get married, baby ASAP, followed by his return to drinking and other misbehaving. Divorce in a few years.
    His drinking and frat buddies are NOT over with, he is a 50+ man child. I was married to a high functioning alcoholic (he in now on marriage #4)

    JMO, but if he was working on a loading dock earning $60K a year, few younger women would be going near him.

    Btw, Mad Men was the big role of his career, just like Breaking Bad was the big role of Bryan Cs.
    Both obits will lead with MM and BB. And Max Baer was correct, his obit will be “Jethro dead”

    Alan Alda and Jimmy Stewart, 2 actual adult men.

    • C says:

      Jimmy Stewart may have been a faithful husband but he was really problematic too so I don’t count him. And Alan Alda has said he’s fine with working for Woody Allen again. So I guess husbandly fidelity isn’t all, for me, lol.

      Bryan Cranston actually was on Malcolm and the Middle for a long time, I always figured that would be his main role (before BB came out).

  29. Jaded says:

    He’s a walking example of toxic masculinity. His stints in rehab don’t seem to have done him much good. I suppose he’s at an age where having a young, beautiful GF boosts his ego, and fathering a child will be another feather in his rapidly aging/fertility cap. Guaranteed 5 years from now they’ll divorce because he’s fallen off the wagon and/or been caught sneaking around with a 25 year old Instagram model/influencer.

  30. Valerie says:

    Well, Jennifer got his best years. Anna can look forward to heart problems, bad back, low energy, and doctor appointments about colonoscopies. Have fun Anna.

  31. j.ferber says:

    C, please tell me what was problematic with Jimmy Stewart. He did have a lot of girlfriends, but didn’t stray from his wife once he married, even when Grace Kelly offered to “date” him while making Rear Window. But what did he do wrong? Thanks.

    • Anne says:

      I don’t know what the problematic refers to. Stewart – probably my favourite actor – was a Republican so presumably had Republican views. As did approximately half the country. He was also lifelong best friends with Henry Fonda who had progressive views. His marriage seems to have been one of the most enduring in Hollywood. So I’ll wait to hear what’s problematic.

  32. dgirl says:

    there’s always a power imbalance in most relationships. Power can be youth, money, age, beauty, access. As long as both parties are adults, what’s the issue. most places in the world men marry younger women. Someone said only wealthy white men do this, look at muslim countries or hispanic cultures

  33. Linder says:

    I don’t like him. He’s too slick looking. I wouldn’t trust him.

  34. Beeks says:

    I knew him in middle and high school in St. Louis. He’s been through a lot. That doesn’t excuse the hazing but I’m just saying he overcame a lot of trauma.

  35. Keaton says:

    I have never been able to look at him the same after the hazing story came out.
    The trauma of losing family is awful but setting someone on fire and dragging them around by their testicles is such a shocking act of cruelty and viciousness.
    It makes me sick to my stomach tbh.