I heard this Kelly Clarkson story the other day and it broke my heart. She was on The Angie Martinez IRL Podcast talking about how her kids were doing with her divorce to their father, Brandon Blackstock, and Kelly admitted they were really sad about it. Obviously, that didn’t surprise me, but listening to Kelly talk about navigating her kids feelings about the breakup knowing everything she went through in that messy split, I just want her to find some peace. Kelly said she understands what her children are feeling, too, because her parents were divorced and she felt the same way.
Kelly Clarkson isn’t afraid to share the reality of her divorce.
The “Because of You” singer recently reflected on her split from Brandon Blackstock, the father of her children River, 8, and Remington, 6. Kelly said that River and Remington sometimes tell her the heartbreaking truth of how they feel about their parents’ divorce.
“I literally ask my kids every night when we’re snuggling, ‘Are you happy? And if you’re not, what could make you happier?'” Kelly explained during the March 13 episode of The Angie Martinez IRL Podcast. “Sometimes they’ll say, especially the past two years, and it kills me and I want them to be honest, so I don’t ever say, ‘Oh god, don’t tell me that,’ but a lot of times it would be like, ‘You know, I’m just really sad. I wish mommy and daddy were in the same house.'”
Explaining that “they’re really honest about it,” Kelly shared why she’s glad they’re candid: “I’m raising that kind of individual. I want you to be honest with me.”
While hearing that from her children may be hard, Kelly said she can understand her little ones’ feelings because she grew up in a similar situation.
“I just sit there and I’m like, ‘I get it. I’m from a divorced family as well. I get it. That sucks. But we’re going to work it out. And you are so loved by both of us,'” Kelly noted. “I think communicating with them and not treating them—not treating them like an adult, because they’re not—but not treating them like a child. They’re not small feelings. Those are huge feelings, and those are huge emotions.”
Not only do Kelly’s children tell her how they feel about the dynamic, but they also pick her brain as well.
“My kids ask me all the time, ‘So you don’t love him anymore?'” Kelly shared. “I’m like, ‘No, I don’t know if that goes away.'”
“They’re not small feelings. Those are huge feelings, and those are huge emotions.” This is an important distinction that Kelly makes. They are kids but these are very big feelings and minimizing them would be confusing, at the very least. Treating them too much like adults would have its own issues, so it’s best to address the emotions directly. But I also feel for Kelly knowing what level of sadness the kids are going through and not able to alleviate that until they are old enough to understand.
The part that got me is the ‘So you don’t love him anymore?’ question. OMG how do you answer that? I mean, maybe Kelly really does still love her ex, but I couldn’t tell my impressionable child I stopped loving their father for fear they’d assume I could stop loving them. I’m sure therapists have mastered the proper response to this so if anyone has it, I’d love to hear it.
See, this is why I appreciate when celebrities talk about these things. I get to ask questions I never knew I had.
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I find it really great that she is not trivializing divorce and accepts it is hard for the kids, while knowing it was absolutely necessary for her.
Her asking them every night if they’re happy… man, that’s a heavy question. Let them sleep dreaming of fields and cotton candy, then check in once in a while. Our generation is so extra in parenting (and I am including myself in this assessment!).
I agree. My heart breaks for her with her children’s questions as her soon to be ex is such a massive dick and she seems to be so well centered and an amazing person. Though Kelly is an amazing mother to her kids but speaking about the divorce at the end of the night is probably not the best time and she should have a time or day once several days to talk to them about the divorce. Kelly could incorporate a spontaneous day and/or time for divorce talk which could allow her children an opportunity to ask questions. I’m not a psychologist only a massive self help book person. Kelly should focus on reading them bedtime stories and snuggling with her children.
I too grew up from a divorce but out of of all of my friends, I only had one other friend whose parents were divorced and second one on our block of my entire childhood. Back then no one was divorced as a boomer child, late boomer at that as it was the mid-70’s.
I’m glad she’s being honest with the world that it’s hard and it’s hard on her kids. I’m tired of celebs saying it’s all wonderful and their kids are a-ok with the divorce.
I’m sad for her and her kids. It’s good she’s being so open and listening to them express their feelings though, and I too appreciate her saying it’s not easy and not everything is perfect.
Ugh-that’s a terrible question to ask your kids. Talk about burdening them. Number one-it’s completely unrealistic to be happy all the time. Life is filled with all kinds of emotions. It’s way more important to be teaching your kids to feel their feelings, and learn to be resilient.
Asking your kids if they’re happy is a terrible question?! In what world??
I love Kelly. It sounded like her ex-husband was a total jerk who tried to take all of her money from her hard-earned success. Too bad things didn’t work out for her, and too bad for her kids. It must be hard for her to try and act like her kid’s dad isn’t a total jerk.
It’s so good that she’s discussing the divorce with them and allowing them to talk about their feelings. They need to feel they can discuss it openly. And I think her response to the “don’t love him anymore” question is just right. They should know that you can love someone and not want to be married to him, and they should feel that their parents still care about each other.
I hope that she keeps staying connected to the kids this way. If anything, I also hope she can set aside the feeling that she is responsible for her kids feeling happy, or that they need to feel happy all the time. Life’s difficult, and we do want our kids to feel good, but learning how to cope with feeling bad is equally important.
For now, how about responding to the kids’ questions with something like : “I love you both more than anything in the world — and I love your dad for being your father and for taking good care of both of you. ” That’s a response that’s likely to be true, even as the answers to that question can get more complex as the kids get older. It also opens a door — if they ever need one — to talking about ways that feelings can change if their father doesn’t continue to “take care of both of” them at some future point.
Like many, I really like Kelly’s comments about the huge feelings that her small kids are dealing with.
I always explained to my kids at their level. “No, once you love someone, especially when you make a family, there is always a piece of that love alive. But love can change. Sometimes you go from friends to IN love, sometimes it’s the opposite. It happens all the time in all kinds of relationships. The love is always there, but it grows and changes.”
She’s still NOT divorced?????
Please, PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, don’t ask your kids, every night, whether or not they’re happy. Focusing so much on happiness is going to ruin their lives. Focus on resilience—and they’ll have a fighting chance.