The National Enquirer has a not-so-interesting piece about Jessica Simpson this week. Apparently, and at long last, Jessica has learned how to “embrace her curves”. Because that seems to be the euphemism everyone has agreed on for “Not knowing how to dress for your body type so you don’t look like a stuffed sausage.” Or, “not wearing the correct dress size.” Of course her unnamed friends have nothing but lovely things to say about Jessica’s “transformation” from “uncomfortable” big-boobed girl to a curvy phenom who will throw her boobs into whatever low-cut cocktail dress she can find. Yay?
Jessica Simpson is busting out with pride over her curves – she’s begun to wear red-hot outfits with plunging necklines for all of her outings, proving that she’s bounced back from the embarrassment of John Mayer’s “sexual napalm” boasting.
“Jessica used to be very self-conscious about her curves,” a pal told the Enquirer. “She occasionally wore low-cut tops, but she was never one for advertising her natural assets. In fact, she was downright uncomfortable.”
After John Mayer’s “sexual napalm” comments, Jessica initially claimed to be shamed by John’s crude remarks, saying “It’s more embarrassing, I’ll walk into a restaurant and I notice that more men are looking at me… undressing me.”
But she’s become proud to be well-endows. The insider says: “It took Jess a while, but she’s finally grown into her body. She feels empowered to walk into a crowd and fell all eyes on her. Her new attitude is, if you got it, flaunt it!”
[From The National Enquirer, print edition]
Um, did it ever occur to Jessica that maybe everyone is staring at her because they can’t get over how asinine her style choices are? I’m not even joking. Plus, how weird is it that Jessica is 29 years old and she’s only NOW “grown into her body”? Don’t get me wrong, I feel differently about my body now than when I was 19 years old too – and I had a much better body when I was 19, so I think a lot, “God, I really should have been happier with that.” But I didn’t really have much confidence in myself until my twenties, so I guess Jessica is the same way. I guess I found the wording strange – “she’s finally grown into her body” as a euphemism for “she now believes her boobs are her best feature, so she’s going to show them to everyone on the red carpet.”
Header photo: Jessica Simpson on April 12, 2010. Credit: WENN.
I don’t even like her, but I find all these stories about her body a bit creepy
Why are people affraid of curves? She looks good!
I think the reason people are looking at her is because they are wondering how the heck she left the house looking as she does. Perhaps she doesn’t have any mirrors in her house.
At least she is not another dead-eyed, r
emaciated celebrity. She is practically glowing in these pics with genuine smiles and sparkly eyes. I never thought I would say it, and if asked later I would deny it, but TEAM JESSICA.
I think she looks fine but she definately needs to learn how to dress her curvy body. Someone call Stacey and Clinton!
She is beautiful, luscious, spectacular, cute and, according to an ex boyfriend, a real tirgress in the sack. I love you Jessica!
I don’t recall her ever having a problem showing herself off before. I guess this is more of a “she’s OK with not being a skeleton” thing. I think she looks great, healthy and happy, but agree she needs to dress in a more flattering way. Maybe she and Mariah could go in together on some lessons – from Christina Hendricks!
Who wouldn’t stare in horrified fascination at the flatulent fashion disaster flaunting her unidentifiable “curves” (just what is the “curve” under her armpit called)while her own father gropes her?
Recognizing this woman needs help, people would stare, paralyzed, wondering who to call first…a stylist, a gastrointestinal doctor, social services…
I love the dress and jacket she is wearing in the last two photos. More of that Jess please.
That Jacket is obviously stretched to the max and doesn’t come close to meeting in the front and it just might burst at any moment. I’m guessing that Jess dresses to expose her fake boobs because that’s all she has left to entertain the masses. By the way, we’ve had a years-long conversation about whether Jess is really as ignorant as she puts on and I think the concensus has been reached – yes she is! If she were the least bit intelligent some evidence of it would have accidently slipped out of her mouth by now.
I like her. She owns it! She is gorgeous!
If I am forced to continue to endure her, which apparently I am since her 15 minutes has extended longer than I ever thought possible, I’d like to see her open a book or two and endeavor to “grow into her head.”
I’m glad she’s finally achieved some sort of comfort level in her own skin. And now the world can focus on bigger problems than Jessica’s weight fluctuation.
Jessica is gorgeous and has always had a great figure. The problem is that she’s really short (5’2″) and really top heavy.
I know that it can be challenging to dress her body type, but it is possible.
She makes, hands down, the worst fashion choices, things that make her look so stumpy and thick through the middle and like she is all boob. It’s a travesty, really.
Because she is gorgeous.
With the Jessica, Mariah, and Kate Hudson stories, I feel like you guys are snarking on women’s bodies a little too much lately. Who cares if they gained a few pounds? I love this site, please don’t make it all body snarking all the time!
I don’t want to be a total bitch but wow, her boobs are as big as her whole face. Scary!
I’m not crazy about some of the outfits but she does look good.
She looks natural.
Jess is natural beauty & natural boobage & we target her then we have the ones that enhance themselves & its all ok.. minus Heide she’s a trainwreck.
If Dolly who by the way loves Jessica has it & says if you got it flaunt it then Jess has taken very good advice.. NO woman because of someone elses ideal of who they think someone should be should ever feel insecure with themsleves. Being confident in ones life mean being happier regardless od what others think. Jess has finally taken that step & I congratulate her for doing that. Its been a long time coming for someone that has benn sheletered. Keep moving forward Jess. It’s all good.
I’m starting to think her main mo Ken Paves is not really gay–Gay best friends don’t let their friends out of the house looking the way she looks sometimes.
Man, it’s so hard with big boobs to look like you’re not top heavy though…I think she carries her weight well.
What the hell does that even mean?
I think the name of this site should be changed to something to the effect of Obsessively tracking Jessica Simpson’s Weight and Ridiculing Her Clothes. Or something much shorter. But seriously?! Another story about her weight? Don’t we get judged enough for our weight and clothing choices without having to come here at our leisure to see it being done more? Maybe some women feel better by bashing other women but I’m not one of them and it seems quite a lot of others aren’t either. Her dating choices are far more interesting and controversial anyway. If John Mayer talked to me I’d vomit on his shoe. I hate the smell of douche. See that’s more entertaining. Oh well, that’s just one opinion though.